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Runner - Sunday Nov 19, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

So...I never got to weigh myself yesterday morning because we had our foster baby and I couldn't get to the gym. So I weighed myself at night, and I was around 120 pounds. That means I haven't lost a thing...not a single pound. I'm usually up 3-4 pounds from my morning weight to my night weight.

I saw some full-body pictures of me yesterday and was once again reminded how drastically my body has changed over the course of a year. Not weighing myself daily has improved my mood tremendously, but seeing pictures of myself is painful. I used to look in the mirror all the time when I was 103 pounds, but I don't like to look at myself now.

I feel discouraged. I haven't lost a pound in over a year. I've only continued to gain weight. And I'm tired of always being in "diet mode." When I fail (and eat too many calories), I feel like a big, fat loser. The frustration is constant, because I always had occasional splurges when I weighed 103-105 pounds, yet I maintained that weight for well over a year. But now...my body has changed...and even though I'm not crying over it anymore, I'm still unhappy with it. What I hate most is my butt and my face. My face has filled out, and it's obvious.

I need a new plan---a new goal. And yet I've been around the block on this so many times. I don't want to resign myself to continuing to gain a pound a month, which is what I've been doing. I must be able to do better. I just need to cut out all snacks, sweets, and anything that's bad for me. Period.

Anyone up for another challenge?

borntocry on 11/20/2006:
I wish I could cheer you up, but I'm in the exact same mood as you right now. My situation isn't quite as drastic because I haven't been gaining, but I still feel like I should be losing weight and I haven't. Like you, I've had the occasional high-calorie day but I've been keeping my calories low the rest of the time and this always worked for me in the past, so why not now? I assumed it was because I wasn't doing any exercise, but I've started back up and I'm still hovering in the same 115-117 range. Every time my weight drops to under 115, it's only a matter of a day or two before it's back up again, no matter what I do! (So I guess it wasn't your encouragement which was jinxing me after all!) I guess at least I don't have the memory of weighing 103 lb in the recent past but it's still frustrating to feel like I'm making such an effort and getting nowhere.

So yes, I am up for a challenge!!

geevee on 11/20/2006:
Runner - We're in the same boat. I'm always in diet mode. When I wasn't I got up to 165+. I have no choice except to continue counting calories and watching everything I eat. Worse, I'm about 3lbs. heavier than I was Jan. 1st.

The two challenges we had were good and I was able to get back to 128, but that was a very short-term success that disappeared. I feel like I'll never see 125 again.

My current hope is that every other week when the kiddies are with me, I'll be able to concentrate on "social" eating and possibly lose a pound or two? It seems as if I do eat less when they're here.

At the rate I'm going, I'll wear out my size 8 shorts long before I'll ever fit into the 6's, if ever! Ahhhhh, dear!

Scruffy on 11/20/2006:
Every day is a challenge right now, so I feel you are not alone.


hollybelle on 11/24/2006:
Even though you are discouraged right now your posts seem to reflect a healthier attitude and that counts for something! Give yourself credit for your success in keeping weight steady and for all the other good stuff you do for yourself.

Runner - Friday Nov 17, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

HI, friends!

Sorry I've been MIA lately...it's been the craziest week at work and I've just tried to keep swimming with my head above water! :) I should have weighed myself today at the gym, but I had a late meal last night (with a lot of carbs), and I know it would have shown up on the dumb scale...so I think I'll wait until tomorrow morning.

Foodwise, I've done okay this week...but I've had my occasional stressful moments when I've reached for something unhealthy, and I need to really stop that if I'm ever going to lose weight.

I've also been to several doctors about my breathing problem, and most of them think that it's related to my thyroid...seems everything is related to my thyroid! Anyway...I don't want to go into all that.

I've missed reading all your entries! I can't wait to catch up! I always feel like I miss out when I don't have time to get online. Hopefully next week will be better.

smiley2 on 11/18/2006:
Welcome back! I agree with you, when im not online for a few days i feel like im missing out big time here lol!~Guess we really like this place!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/18/2006:
you have been missed!! however, sometimes other things do take precedent over DD! I can't wait to read your upcoming entries!!!

Moody on 11/18/2006:
You're right, just about everything is related to your thryoid! It regulates SO much in the body, it's incredible. I hope they get things figured out soon for you.

borntocry on 11/18/2006:
Runner!! I've missed you. So is the breathing problem connected to the hyperthyroidism? Seems rather odd to me. I just read an article the other day about how soy products can cause thyroid problems. I don't mean to constantly warn you off soy, especially as I love soy products myself, but just thought you could maybe ask your doctors if they think this is a possibility.

Scruffy on 11/19/2006:
Scruff was here :)

Runner - Sunday Nov 12, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

I have nothing new to report. My weight continues to climb. I honestly don't know what to do.

When I find a solution, I'll be back.

In the meantime, I'm trying to stay under 1500 calories, and I'm cutting out anything that is not healthy for my body.

borntocry on 11/13/2006:
Well, you know it's normal for one's weight to be up after a race. I didn't want to remind you (and I was kind of hoping that maybe running a full marathon might have the opposite effect of a half-marathon), but from what I've read on various message boards I am not the only one who has noticed this. It really doesn't seem fair, though!

How about trying a high-protein diet? My weight almost always drops a little after a few high-protein 1200-calorie days. I know I probably shouldn't be suggesting more drastic weight-loss techniques for someone who really doesn't need to lose weight, but I just want you to be happy!

Oh and thanks for saying that the only way you'd ever run another marathon is with me! That was so sweet of you!

Scruffy on 11/13/2006:
Scruff was here :)

sweetpea1977 on 11/16/2006:

I hope you are doing ok. You are missed!

Runner - Thursday Nov 09, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 116.0

Thanks for all the fun comments, friends! Yeah, I guess that lunch DOES look pretty yucky, but I'm so used to seeing things like that that I hardly bat any eyelash now when I'm handed a greasy "bian dan" (lunch box). Anyway, that's just a typical lunch in the life of a vegetarian here. A meat eater would probably have gotten a big fat chicken leg. (even yuckier)

Anyway, I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning, and I'm freaked out about it! Truly, I don't think I'll be able to handle it if I've gained weight after the marathon and two weeks of being more careful with my eating. I only have one more day of birth control and then I should have my period and maybe a little less bloating. So that's good.

On another note, I'm still having some breathing problems. I didn't notice anything when I was away for the marathon, so I'm wondering if it's somehow related to the pollution here. But why did they start so suddenly? And why is it so hard for me to take a deep breath? It really unnerves me...

smiley2 on 11/10/2006:
The pictures of the scenery is beautiful, but the lunch looks SO unappetizing! Glad you had a good time though!

borntocry on 11/10/2006:
Hard to take a deep breath, eh? That sounds exactly like what I experienced in Cincinnati earlier this year. I am pretty sure it was asthma. I am not sure if it was exercise-induced asthma as running definitely made it worse but I think I had it even when I wasn't running, although I can't remember now. I think it was partly caused by the pollen, so your theory that yours is caused by pollution could be correct. As to why it started so suddenly, that's a question which puzzled me too. But if it's any consolation, my problems went away just as suddenly too. If yours don't, you may want to go to the doctor and get an inhaler - just temporarily, you know. It will help with your breathing and you can stop using it when your problem goes away.

P.S. Can't believe I actually made a positive comment about your lunch when everyone else found it so yucky - I must have been really hungry!

Moody on 11/10/2006:
The scenery pictures are gorgeous! I missed those yesterday! Just stunning.

As for your not being able to take a deep breath..yeh it could very well be pollution or possibly asthma developing..I don't know. I know that our bodies can change on a dime and develop new allergies for unknown reasons so if it continues I would go see the doctor and see what he says.

Have a fantastic weekend!

geevee on 11/10/2006:
I thought the box lunch looked edible except for the bologna-like rounds.

I had a similar breathing experience the last two times I went to Mexicao City where the air is so bad that just breathing is like smoking two packs of cigarettes. I was sick for several weeks afterward which made me decide never to go to Mexico City again, as much as I love the place.

greengirl on 11/10/2006:
I buy fake ham made from quorn (protein from mushroom) and I have to say it looks a lot more appetising than the stuff in your piccy LOL. The rice bit looks yummy though!!!!! The scenic photos were breath taking. You are soo lucky to have been there. Well done!!!

Runner - Thursday Nov 09, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 116.0

This was my post-race lunch. (what we were given...NOT what I would have picked!) :)

We had a choice of a meat or vegetarian "lunchbox." I chose vegetarian. I ate a few bites before I realized that I was really craving my protein bar, so I'm glad I packed that!

(In case you're wondering, the round things that look like bologna are "fake" ham things...made from tofu and not very tasty. The bowties are seaweed.)

borntocry on 11/09/2006:
Mmm... corn...

borntocry on 11/09/2006:
So those round things are vegetarian?

I've read that it is important to have some protein after a race, as it helps prevent muscle damage. So it's a good thing you brought that protein bar! I had my husband bring a couple of them to my last race, but I was so thrilled to finish that I totally forgot to have them!

borntocry on 11/09/2006:
Thanks for your comment! No, we're not cheaters - most people record their lowest weights, only for most people it's generally lowest in the morning, I think. Mine is lowest after a day of work, a light lunch, and a walk/run home after work!

And thanks so much for the spaghetti squash recipe you gave me - that's the one I used. I was initially going to try it with just butter and parmesan, but I don't think that would have been anywhere near as good. I don't normally like feta that much, but it was perfect with the squash because it has a strong, salty taste which offsets the rather mild taste of the squash. Also I think it masked any sweet flavour which the squash might have had otherwise. It was awesome!

moody on 11/09/2006:
I couldn't have eaten any of it!! What are those round things? They look like bologna!

Umpqua on 11/09/2006:
I was thinking bologna too on the round things. Good thing you packed those protein bars. Boiled veggies? Umm....Those photos from the race are gorgeous btw!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/09/2006:
yuck, yuck, and yuck! lol, but that's only my opinion of how that food looks! hehe Nice photos of the race! I am happy you enjoyed yourself!

anewvue on 11/09/2006:
YUCK........need I say more? But the pics are nice (excluding the food)

sweetpea1977 on 11/16/2006:

Runner - Thursday Nov 09, 2006

Weight: 0.0

sweetpea1977 on 11/16/2006:
Gorgeous scenery!!

Runner - Thursday Nov 09, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 116.0

Sweetpea encouraged me to post some photos from the race! This was the view from the mountain road.

sweetpea1977 on 11/16/2006:
How pretty!!

Runner - Sunday Nov 05, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 116.0

I'm back! And what a weekend I had! It turned out quite differently than I thought it would. As you know, I was originally going to run the half-marathon through a beautiful place called Taroko gorge and take it much slower than normal...but the night before the race, I met up with some intense runners who changed my mind.

These runners kept insisting that we (my friend and I) run the full marathon (using some extra race numbers) because the course was so beautiful. They kept telling us that we had 6 hours to finish it, so we could just walk it if we wanted to!

Well, impulsive girls that we are, we decided to do it! (without any proper training, of course...I hadn't even really trained for the half-marathon!)

So, Saturday morning, we woke up at 4am to catch the 4:50 shuttle bus to the gorge, and we were off! I wasn't very nervous, because I knew I would have to take it very slowly. And take it slowly I did! This was the first race EVER where I just ran for FUN!

Yes, BTC, I did leave my friend behind for the first 25 km. (with her permission) But I didn't run at my usual pace---I jogged! And I felt great...like I could run for hours! After 2 1/2 hours, I was at 25 km, and then I waited a HALF HOUR for my friend to catch up with me and jogged/walked the remainder of the marathon!

And what an experience! It took us more than 5 1/2 hours to finish it, so we crossed the finish line just before they closed down the course, but what an incredible 5 1/2 hours! Taroko gorge is a beautiful mountain road through a gorge...it's probably the most famous tourist spot in Tawian. And usually people can't really walk along the road because of the traffic, but due to the race, only runners were allowed on the road.

Now, since you all know how competitive I am, I have to be honest with you---not running at my usual pace was very hard! I had to mentally tell myself to just take it easy, and the only thing that kept me from going all out was the fact that I promised my friend that I'd finish it with her. Also, I didn't want to hurt my body since I hadn't properly trained. Plus, I had already decided that this would be my last race for awhile. And since I've always wanted to do a marathon, but haven't had the guts to try it, I felt like this might be my last chance.

To let you know how slow I was going, I ran with my fanny pack and carried my digital camera, my cell phone, some tissues, and my sunglasses! :) And I stopped occasionally to take pictures and enjoy the view. I even called my husband from the top and sent a couple of text messages! Ha! Don't you love it?

When we crossed the finish line, 5 1/2 hours later, we felt great! A little sore, but nothing terrible...I think it's because we didn't push ourselves very hard. And I felt so good today (two days later) that I went outside and ran another 10km. So I'm SO THANKFUL that I didn't push myself to the point of exhaustion.

All in all, it was a very fun experience, and even though I enjoyed it, I have no desire to do it again! I truly mean that! Although it was great to be outside and to just take my time, I am still a competitor at heart, and I don't think I could just run so slowly again. But now I can say that I HAVE run a marathon, and that's a great way to finish my 9-year racing career!

And trust me, I'm ready to be done with racing. Maybe I'll still do some short races here and there, but I'm ready to try something new. I've been swimming a lot lately and enjoy that.


I plan to weigh myself this weekend. I have no idea what to expect...

you'd think that after running a marathon that I'd lose a pound or two, but I know better. That never happens.

I didn't overdo it on the food after the race, but I WAS hungry and had a big meal that night!

borntocry on 11/06/2006:
Oh Runner, congratulations! Can't believe you went ahead and ran your first marathon without me! I am so jealous. I think it happened in such a lovely way, though! And in a way it's good that you did it with no training, because training for a marathon can be really rigorous if you take it seriously (and knowing you, you would) and there's such a high potential for injury and the kind of health problems you've already experienced.

How sweet of you to wait for your friend to catch up with you so you could finish the marathon together! It sounds like you had such a good time. And with no training you probably wouldn't have broken any records for the full marathon, so you really needn't feel bad about running slower than usual. Look at what you accomplished! Now you can take a little break from competitive running, knowing that you've reached the ultimate finish line!

How about triathlon? ;)

smiley2 on 11/06/2006:
Congratulations on completing the race and what a fun, enjoying way to do it!

Moody on 11/06/2006:
Wow!!! You must be feeling SO fantastic inside; what an accomplishment!! Thanks for sharing with us...Congratulations!

Umpqua on 11/06/2006:
Congratulations Runner! And I'm glad you were able to take it easy. What a rewarding experience, and it sounds just beautiful.

mattscat3295 on 11/06/2006:
I am soooo proud of you. You did wonderfully. I am so glad that you had the gumption to finish it and to do the entire marathon. Good for you. I am also glad you were able to do it at a pace that didn't hurt you. Have a good evening.

Scruffy on 11/06/2006:
Sounds like you had a great time :) Scruff was here

sweetpea1977 on 11/07/2006:
Im SO proud of you Runner!! Not only for completing your first marathon, but also for the way you handled yourself in this race. You rock!!

Is there any way for you to post some pics of the beautiful scenery you described? :o)

Runner - Thursday Nov 02, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 116.0

Just a quick note before I leave for the weekend. I'm still planning to run, but I'm going to run with a friend who runs at a 10-mile pace, compared to my 7-mile pace! So that will force me to slow down and enjoy the view. And, I PROMISE, if I feel any strange pain, I will stop. Thanks for all your concern. :)

I'm hoping to come out of this weekend feeling better about myself and my body! It will be good to get away and out of the city.

Scruffy on 11/02/2006:
Scruff was here :)

smiley2 on 11/03/2006:
Good luck with the marathon, please be careful.

borntocry on 11/03/2006:
Wow, it's going to be quite a change for you to run so much slower than what you're used to. I'm betting you ditch your friend after the first kilometre.

Thanks for the comment you left me. Sadly, I didn't take any pictures! I was too stressed out and frazzled to remember. Maybe I'll get all dressed up on Thanksgiving and take some pictures then. It'll help if I can lose a little more weight by then too! Oh and by the way... every time you point out that my weight is down, it goes back up the very next day! How annoying!

Well, have fun at the race and tell us all about it when you get back!

sweetpea1977 on 11/03/2006:
Enjoy the race and weekend away from the city Runner! Cant wait to hear all about it when you get back!!

Runner - Wednesday Nov 01, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 116.0

I have had a great week with food, except at the party last night, where I didn't eat a ton of bad stuff, but I ate too much, and when I added up the calories, I couldn't believe that they were probably over 1,500! Yikes! It's no wonder I can't lose a pound! So I easily had about 2,300 calories total yesterday, and I feel fatter than ever. I used to be able to have those occasional "splurge" days, but not anymore. I didn't eat half of what some of my friends ate last night, but my body just can't handle ANYTHING extra. Nothing. Nada. And all the exercise I did before the party didn't cancel out anything. (BUT, I did make a fantastic pumpkin soup that was a HIT! Soooo good!)

I still can't get used to the extra fat, though. I truly can't get used to it. I'm feeling obsessed with it, and I hate that. I hate looking at my butt and thighs in the mirror. I just stare at them and feel so ugly. I was so prideful when I was 103 pounds...my body was so perfect, and yet I complained when my weight would fluctuate even a pound or two.

If I could only settle at a good weight for my body and STAY THERE. I think I'm the only person alive who has gained 15 pounds in one year without trying. Most of the time, my eating is stellar. My exercise is stellar. But I've gained a whole new body that just looks so STRANGE on me. Okay, so I know I'm exaggerating, but this is how I get my emotions out---by journaling. So let me vent and ignore my rants. :) I feel better already!

By the way, I am supposed to run a half-marathon on Saturday (my last one...really!), and I've been having very strange muscle tightness in my left chest area. It's very painful at times, especially when I exercise. I'm going to get it checked out tonight, but I'll be crushed if I can't race, especially since I'm traveling to the other side of the island just for this race.

UPDATE----visited a Chinese doctor tonight for some acupressure and massage...hopefully my muscle tightness will be alleviated somewhat!

And I FINALLY had a 1200 calorie day. YAY!

geevee on 11/01/2006:
Hi Runner!

I can't wait to get your recipe for pumpkin soup. Another stellar recipe for the kiddies. I know they'll love it!

It's so funny how your curried carrot soup has become a tradition with them. It's understood that it will be part of the meal. To have two to choose from will be even better. THANKS!

mattscat3295 on 11/01/2006:
Yay on the 1200 calorie day. I hope the Chinese doctor makes you feel better and I hope you have a great time on your race. Take care of yourself and have a great evening.

borntocry on 11/02/2006:
This chest pain is kind of scary, Runner. I hope you are going to see a real doctor as well. It could be that you've just pulled an intercostal muscle but it could be something more serious. I had a similar problem a while back and my doctor said that it could be a pulmonary embolism. Unfortunately the only way to be sure of that is to get an X-ray and a bunch of blood tests, and I didn't want to go through the hassle, so I didn't bother. But I don't know if I would have felt safe running a half-marathon with that possibility.

At the very least, I hope you are prepared to drop out and seek medical attention immediately if you start to feel sick during the race! Seriously, you've probably already run your best times so you've nothing to prove. Don't take any stupid risks! Palpitations and irregular heart beats are usually nothing to worry about, but if you feel any chest constriction or difficulty breathing, you should probably stop and get help! Those are danger signs which someone with your level of fitness shouldn't experience.

Anyway, thanks for the comments you left me. You're right, when I made my comment to geevee I wasn't thinking about the insane work ethics of the Japanese, or even Chinese and South Koreans, I guess. You know I don't know much about that part of Asia. I was thinking more about South Asia, I guess, where people are lazier. Though they still get fewer holidays than we do here in Europe. Seriously, you would not believe how many days off we get here. I have 45 days off and my husband has even more - around 50 or 55, I think. Most people here can't even take all their holidays and have to transfer some of them into a special retirement fund. Unfortunately I can't do that with my company so now I have 35 days to take before the end of May!

Oh and working weekends or nights is actually illegal here. I remember one time I was at work past eight and some "inspectors" came and "busted" us. They took down our names and what we were doing and used it to get our company in trouble with the unions!

borntocry on 11/02/2006:
P.S. Oh and I do feel really sorry for you, having to get used to your new body. I guess in that way I'm actually kind of lucky that I never had a perfect body. I have always had huge hips, and even though I slimmed them down a little with distance running, I never managed to lose them altogether. I was really envious when you posted that picture of yourself running, because even though you did it to show off your small waist, I caught a glimpse of the top of your tiny hips just below, and knew that I could never have that kind of figure.

You know, I'm not saying that you will never have that figure again, but many athletes do have to get used to certain changes as they get older. I feel the same way for you as I do for my husband when he complains that pretty soon he won't be able to dunk a basketball any more. I guess this is the downside of reaching such a high level of fitness - you can't maintain that level forever. Whereas in my case I have nothing to lose - I always sucked! At least you guys have something to look back on with pride!

Umpqua on 11/02/2006:
Runner, I agree with BTC and please be careful at the race. Believe me though, I know what it's like to look in the mirror and see a completely different body. I'm quite disgusted with the way I look these days, even though everyone says I have the pregnant glow, blah blah blah. And that I haven't gotten as big as some ladies have gotten - it's no consolation since I know what I used to look like. So I'm with you there, and I wonder if I'll ever look that way again? I've had to except that my body may never look like that and if so I'm going to have to find a way to deal with what I'm left to work with. I guess we all ultimately have to do this and it's not easy. I'll be looking to you for support in the coming months!

P.S. Carvel isn't the best ice cream on the planet. They're known for their "soft serve" though, which I think may in fact be ice milk. Which is good because it's lower calorie than some stuff I eat! But there's something about a soft serve cone with sprinkles....

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