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Runner - Thursday May 29, 2003

Weight: 119.0

I used to get upset when I saw "119" on the scale...now I'm somewhat relieved! I'm just glad it's under 120. It's amazing how those numbers don't look quite as bad as they used to...although I'd still like to get back to 116.

This is a HUGE weekend for me...my sister is getting married, I have 4 open houses to attend, and I have a potluck picnic on Sunday. Starting on Friday night, all the parties will begin...and they'll all revolve around food!


I'll really have to practice some self-control, even though I'll want to enjoy the celebrations. I just have to tell myself that one portion is enough. I don't need two or three or four.

momof3gr8boys on 05/29/2003:
I hear ya - I do great until I have to alter my plan - can't imagine having to do it 4 times in one week - good luck! Also you might want to check out the website I listed at the bottom of my entry today - it's great for those of us jumping on and off the scale every 2 minutes.

Runner - Wednesday May 28, 2003

Weight: 120.0

I thought that the scale was playing a cruel joke on me yesterday, but it was only 1/2 pound different today.


How could it really be 4-5 pounds different??? I just don't understand it.

I really think that I must be doing something wrong...I did have some low-fat dessert yesterday, but otherwise, I ate really well!

I know that I need to be patient. But I worked SO hard to get back to about 116, and then in ONE day, I put on four pounds! And all because I had some extra dessert. I really don't get it.

I used to be able to eat more without having it go straight to my stomach...and I'm only 25! What happens when I don't run, bike, or work out so much? I'll probably gain 15 pounds! And I eat low-fat and aim for a modest 1800 calories!

WHAT am I doing wrong? I am so conscious about eating fruits, veggies, good protein, healthy carbs...but something is throwing my body off whack. I can't maintain my weight as soon as I have one bad day.


superstarr on 05/28/2003:
Im really sorry you are feeling so frustrated right now!! How are your clothes fitting? any tighter? what is your bodyfat? do you think maybe it is water retention? get some water pills and drink lots of water and see what happens. Do you think maybe it is from your cycle or maybe you are gaining muscle? It sounds like you workout a lot and you eat healthy so really I don't see how you could of gained 4-5 pounds like that. Wait a few days and then weigh again. Hey, have you gone to the bathroom lately?? I know, kind of a personal question, but sometimes you just need to flush your system and start fresh. I know, its hard to not freak out!! I would be doing the same. Hang in there.......

Golightly on 05/28/2003:
I was off-line for a few days and I am just catching up on your diary ... and I can't believe it. It seems IMPOSSIBLE that you are up to 120! Really ... I'm stunned.

I'm not sure what to tell you. The only time I've had things like this happen to me is just before menstrating ... I end up losing the 4 pounds the following week. I can totally understand why you would cry (Runner, you would not believe how many times I have cried on the scale) and why you are feeling frustrated.

All of us cheat now and then and it doesn't affect our weight like it seems to for you. And you are so active! Something has to be throwing you out of whack...

Hang in there Runner! Perhaps in a few days those pounds will all drop off??

UPDATE: Runner, you may want to check out momof3gr8boys diary entry today (May 29). She has posted a link for a very interesting article on this type of weight gain!

Runner - Tuesday May 27, 2003

Weight: 120.5

I gained 5 pounds in one night. Yes, I really did. Somehow the scale was 5 pounds heavier this morning than last morning!!! I'm in denial, though, because I KNOW without a doubt that I did NOT consume 5 pounds worth of extra calories!

It was unbelievably hard to see myself go over 120 this morning, even though I know in my heart that it can't be right.

Let me explain.

I had three EXCELLENT eating days this weekend from Friday to Sunday...I ate well, exercised, and felt better about myself than I have in a LONG time...plus, I got plenty of sleep! I weighed myself Sunday morning on my scale and was FINALLY down to my goal weight! I felt great!!

Monday came along, and I had a big Memorial Day party...we had steaks, baked beans, corn, you name it. But pretty good stuff. Unfortunately, my friends brought some desserts, including a rich chocolate cake and a peanut butter fruit-pizza thing. Well, I ran a 10K in the morning and biked for 25 minutes, too, so I figured I could treat myself to a small piece of steak and dessert. Unfortunately, I ended up eating several pieces of cake and fruit-pizza, but I really didn't think I overdid it. In fact, I went walking twice during the night and had a small dinner while the rest of my friends pigged out.

I couldn't wait to get to the weight room this morning to weigh myself after yesterday's encouragement on my scale at home. Imagine my surprise when I weighed in heavier than I've been in over 2 months!!!! I thought that the scale MUST be off, so I hurried home and stepped on my own scale.

I was 5 pounds heavier.

I cried.

I want to blame it on the salt...I had pickles, a steak, steak sauce, etc.

I want to blame it on a short night of sleep.

I want to blame it on anything but the fact that I enjoyed a couple too many extra pieces of dessert.

I know that it's not physically possible to gain 5 pounds in one night...but 2 scales said that I did.

And within a span of 24 hours, I went from feeling REALLY good about myself and my progress to feeling pretty discouraged and being heavier than I've been in over 2 months!

I sure hope this is a temporary weight gain that I lose quickly...because I know that I didn't deserve it. I honestly didn't deserve it this time.

Three good days and one bad one shouldn't lead to a weight gain of 5 pounds.

It just shouldn't.

momof3gr8boys on 05/27/2003:
Please don't let the scales dictate how you feel about yourself - I'm still working on that one myself. Put them away for awhile and see what happens. Easier said than done, but it's like everything else in life - once you stop trying so hard it usually happens for you.

Runner - Friday May 23, 2003

Weight: 118.5

Ahhh...another week down. And a big Memorial Weekend ahead of me! Every day is going to be spent with family and friends, and I'm a bit apprehensive and anxious about all the food that will be consumed. However, this year, I have planned the BBQ on Monday, so I will be deciding the menu! At least that gives me a sense of relief, since I can leave out the foods that tend to trip me up. I just hope I make it to Tuesday without a big binge! I want to enjoy the company and food, but the company most of all!

Golightly on 05/23/2003:
Hi Runner; Ah food, my loyal companion! I know what you mean about trying to enjoy the company the most ... time to change our focus!

I was reading yesterday's entry about the scale and agree whole-heartedly. You should read Dolyda's entry today. She is so frustrated with dealing with the same 3 pounds that she's ready to scream. It reminded me a little of your situation!

Good luck with the long weekend! Glad to hear that you get to control the menu!

Runner - Thursday May 22, 2003

Weight: 119.5

I'll never understand the dumb scale, but one thing I do understand: I can destroy a week's worth of "hard work" in a few short minutes of indulgence...those extra calories are soooo easy to put on and then they're "saved" on my stomach! Wouldn't it be nice if it was as easy to save money?

squiggly on 05/22/2003:
You know the scales can read a pound or two difference from day to day especially for us women due to water retention. It sucks but it's a part of life I guess. I wouldn't beat yourself up over a pound and just concentrate on losing the next two pounds. You can do it. We all will slip from time to time. It's okay to slip for a day, just make sure you jump right back on the next day and not to let the slips out weigh the good, if that makes any sense. Good luck!!!!!

Runner - Wednesday May 21, 2003

Weight: 118.8

Well, I really blew it yesterday. Fell off the wagon. Hit my head on the pavement. And I hope I don't have a day like that again for awhile. Those goodies in the teachers' lounge tempted me every hour yesterday. I probably ate a total of 5-6 pieces of dessert. Maybe more! And yet I really didn't care...I was so apathetic about it! That worries me a bit since I used to care more when I'd binge. But I got back on track, cut out the snacks, and had a healthy, low-calorie dinner. Today's a new day, and I'm going to do better. I really don't know what happened yesterday, but I didn't weigh myself this morning because I just didn't want to see the numbers go up...I bet I consumed at least an extra 1000 calories yesterday. That may not show an immediate gain on the scale, but it doesn't help the situation.

But I'm learning...I'm learning that I still have bingeing moments when I least expect them! I just can't figure myself out sometimes...I have some really yummy goodies in my cupboards at home that I manage not to indulge in, but as soon as something is new and within my reach (usually at a place other than home), I try to sneak as many pieces of it as I can! Is there a name for this kind of behavior? It's sneaky, wasteful, and ridiculous!

I feel fairly normal in all other areas of my life, but my eating habits really are abnormal. I'm thankful some of you can relate. That's a real encouragement to me!

Golightly on 05/21/2003:
Hi Runner! Sounds like we're struggling with the same thing! I am usually fine until I am confronted with a social situation, and then I lose all control. Ugh! If you ever figure out what is driving our behaviour, let me know.

I'm actually back in the saddle today, thanks to everyone's pep-talk yesterday. Thank God we have these boards to vent our frustrations!

Take care!

UPDATE : Thanks for the message yesterday. I completely overindulged in eggs during the first month of my diet, so I had stopped eating them. When you left the note suggesting hardboiled eggs, I suddenly thought "Yes!! Why am I not eating eggs anymore?" I guess I will be alright during jury duty!

Part of the reason I use my daughter as an excuse is that we use food as our entertainment. Isn't it crazy how much our social lives revolve around food? It's always dinner-out, or meeting for cheesecake, or let's celebrate with cake. I don't have much trouble with my diet when I am alone, but the minute you add someone to the equation, I seem to lose control. I'll have to deal with the issue, since I can't live in a plastic bubble forever!!

curlsncuffs on 05/21/2003:
Hi Runner!

Hang in there! I know this is hard for you! But, you've licked the first part. You know there is a problem. I know you've seen a nutrionist a few times and have gotten some great advice on food but, have you considered couseling? Check with your insurance company - print these diary entries and show this to a qulified couselor and ask them! Because as Dr. Phil would say - its on the inside! There is someone out there qualified to help you figure it out! In the mantime, we are here to listen and help. I wish I did the excersise you do or, can do! Hats off to you girl! Hang in there. Hugs

biscottibody59 on 05/21/2003:
I was reading my copy of "Lean Bodies, Total Fitness" by Cliff Sheats and there was a profile of a woman who was highly active (a marathoner) and was unable to lose any more body fat. She increased her complex carbohydrate intake (she apparently was not replenishing her glycogen stores) and subsequently decreased her body fat percentage.

Also, you should know that rest is verrrry important to continued performance. Take a day off, it's not a crime!

You're so young, there's simply no way you're going to be able to sustain that pace forever--I hate to be the one to break it to you.

BTW, didn't your nutritionist discuss your carb intake vs your activity level with you? If not, you should seek out a Registered Dietitian. Many nutritionists simply don't have the training/credentials/licensing to advise people on what they should be doing for their lifestyle. They love your money, but they may lack the training. Don't get me wrong, there may be nutritionists who know their stuff, but I would put my money on a Registered Dietitian any day.

The following is from a website, <a href="http://www.sagewoodwellness.com/Doc0006.htm">Glycogen Depletion During Athletic Exercise</a>, maybe this info will help you in light of how much you exercise.

<I>Fats need carbohydrates in order to burn efficiently. The breakdown of carbohydrates generates oxaloacetic acid, which is needed for the breakdown of fats into fuel. If insufficient carbohydrate levels exist, the levels of oxaloacetic acid may also drop, making it difficult for the body to continue producing a high level of fuel from fat. Although the body can break down fats in the absence of carbohydrates, it does so at a much slower rate. When the glycogen stores in the muscles and liver are depleted, and the blood glucose level begins to fall, athletes begin to experience fatigue, lack of coordination, light-headedness and lack of concentration. This experience is commonly known as "hitting the wall" or "bonking."

Following exhaustive exercise, the body needs to replenish the depleted glycogen reserves. Increasing the intake of carbohydrates promotes the storage of glycogen in the liver and muscles. Therefore, according to Hickson and Wolinsky in their book Nutrition in Exercise and Sport, a diet consisting of approximately 60% or more of complex (starch) carbohydrates is recommended after strenuous exercise in order to promote glycogen replenishment. With adequate consumption of complex carbohydrates, coupled with extra rest, most of the glycogen replenishment occurs within 24 hours. If a diet high in protein and fat is consumed, glycogen replenishment may take longer than one week.</I>

Runner - Tuesday May 20, 2003

Weight: 118.8

I already wrote this morning, but I have to add another entry. I am such a sucker for desserts! There are left-over desserts in the teachers' lounge today from last night...I managed to pass them up last night, but my curiosity got the better of me and I lost control this morning. I wasn't even hungry, but I ended up having several bites of 4 different desserts and throwing the rest away! Not only is it wasteful, I was doing it in secret...and feeling like I was "getting away with something." I hate it when I binge like that. And they're still in there, calling my name...although I'm not even hungry! I'll just have to avoid the lounge if possible today.

Runner - Tuesday May 20, 2003

Weight: 118.8

WEll, I feel better this morning after last morning...and not really because the scale went down 3/4 pound. I'm trying to just get a better perspective on this all...and realize that in the grand scheme of things, three pounds is NOT the end of the world.

I did have my moment of weakness yesterday...made a carmel-apple cake for my class and just "had to make" two cupcakes so I could "try it." Well, I had both of them, plus some ice cream, and ate them in the kitchen standing up, which is a habit I'm trying to break.

I talked over my frustrations with my husband last night. I think I'm just feeling the stress of the end of the school year...it gets pretty busy in my job! And if I'm feeling a bit stressed, I tend to make mountains out of molehills and eat more in the process.

Runner - Monday May 19, 2003

Weight: 119.5

NO loss. I did so well yesterday. Friday and Saturday were pretty tough with all the family stuff...but I thought that after running almost 20 miles in 3 days, I would be able to lose a pound.

It's so ironic. I swear that anyone who adopted my lifestyle (lots of exercise, enough sleep, no smoking or drinking, low-fat foods) would be able to lose at least a few pounds! But my body completely throws all the "diet advice" back in the faces of the "diet doctors." I must be doing something wrong. I do have desserts (low-fat ones, usually) once every few days, but I usually kick up the level of exercise to compensate for it.

I've been waiting for an encouraging number to appear on the scale (117???) for over a month now.

What's harder than not seeing any improvement is that nagging voice in the back of my brain telling me that I failed. I tried and tried, but I failed. Normally, I'm a very positive person with a healthy perspective on life and myself. But when it comes to the last 5 months, I've allowed myself to get discouraged because I can't get back to 116 pounds. It's more than just the numbers on the scale...it's that feeling of never making progress but trying so hard.

I have a confession to make. I haven't had ONE day off of exercise in over a year. (And I mean at LEAST 30 minutes of aerobic exercise with an elevated heart rate) May 13, 2002 was the last day that I didn't exercise, and that was because I had a minor surgerical procedure and was in the hospital.

Since then, I have faithfully and religiously managed to exercise to keep my metabolism revved and stay in shape. I ran on my wedding day. I ran in below-zero temperatures in the middle of winter. I've run with jet lag, and I've gotten up at 5am to go swimming. I lift weights at least 5 times a week, and I'm on my feet all day.

After an entire year of never taking a break, I'm weary, 5 pounds heavier, and tired. Man, am I tired.

I want to stop this insanity, but I'm soooo afraid. If I can gain weight that easily while running 5-6 miles a day, then what will happen when I take a day off?

If I can gain weight while eating low-fat and counting calories, then what will happen when I indulge in the type of food I never eat anymore?

I'll tell you what my worst fear is...it's going back to 152 pounds, which is what I was 5 years ago.

This is a long entry, but I just had to get all my feelings out.

Chrysalis on 05/19/2003:
Have you ever considered throwing away your scale and just going by what you see in the mirror? You seem awfully obsessed about getting to a certain number on the scale to the point where you are making yourself miserable and not having any fun in life. Is it really that important to be 117? What's wrong with 119? Look over your journals. Go back and really read them. Is obtaining that number worth what you're putting yourself through? You have lost a lot of weight. You're not going to gain it all back if you eat healthfully.

momof3gr8boys on 05/19/2003:
This may sound strange - and a little scary - but maybe you need to eat more. With all the exercise you do your body probably holds onto every morsel it gets to compensate. I've been doing weight watchers for awhile and whenever somebody gets stuck they always suggest to eat cloer to the top end of your points range for awhile and amazingly it usually works. I think your body goes into starvation mode and just refuses to give up the pounds. Try tricking your body. I fine that the weeks when I give myself an off day I lose more that week. Just a suggestion - good luck!

Soon2BThin on 05/19/2003:
Congratulations on more than a year straight of exercise every day!! You are incredible! I think I kind of know that fear....I know myself that if I go completely off my plan and never get back on or just give up completely, I will end up gaining all the weight back plus more! That's scary! Just keep up the good work. Maybe your body is happy just where it is, I don't know. Hey, it could be worse, right? I'm sorry I don't have any advice on what else you could do.

insideashell on 05/19/2003:
You have a successful past...you really have made a great achievment. I can understand the fear of putting weight back on...beleive me I didn't start my life at the weight I am now...sometimes I get really angry with myself for not realizing what I was doing to my body...I weigh more now than whenI was pregnant with my children. Look closely at what you are doing, are you getting enough water? You discussed your aerobic activity but are you doing any muscle building/toning activities?

Good Luck to you...hang in there.

Runner - Friday May 16, 2003

Weight: 119.5

I did really well at the Chinese buffet...stayed away from fried foods, and ate mostly veggies. But somehow I'm still a pound and a half up this morning. Ugh! How discouraging. I just can't seem to keep my weight at where it was 5 months ago. I enjoyed a dessert yesterday, and a few jellybeans, too...and all of the extra calories must have added up. I just wish I could enjoy extras once in awhile without always knowing that it will lead to weight gain! I work so hard to keep it down, but it still creeps up...and I work out like a maniac! I honestly don't know why it's so easy for me to gain weight. It's never been this bad!!!!!!!! Of course, I do have to watch my snacks, but I've been a lot better lately. My body must just be resisting going back to what I was before Christmas. I thought that 116 pounds would be fine, but after 5 months, it's only continued to fluctuate around 119.

(deep sigh)

Tonight is another family celebration. More goodies.

(another deep sigh)

Even though I'll eat super-healthy all day, the extra goodies will probably add another pound.

Someday I want to enjoy food like some of my friends, who never worry about calories and still seem to maintain their weight!!!!!!!

Ah, well...life goes on!

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