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Runner - Friday Apr 11, 2003

Weight: 116.5

After I wrote this morning's entry, I checked out the fat content of prime rib, since I had that at dinner last night. And it was a HUGE piece...probably 8 inches long and 6 inches wide. Well, I experienced some very anxious moments as I read about how fatty and full-of-calories prime rib is. In fact, it's one of the "worst" types of meat to eat in regard to calories and fat... let me tell you, I felt pretty sick to my stomach! I guess there's nothing I can do now except hope that it didn't wreck my diet too much! It probably didn't help that I also had a banana split before bed... well, if there's one lesson I've learned through the last few months, it's that tomorrow is a new day!

Gael the Whale on 04/11/2003:
Hi Runner. Yes tomorrow is a new day. I just went to the library and checked out a low fat book and a yoga book. Hang in there. Keep your chin up.

Runner - Friday Apr 11, 2003

Weight: 116.5

WEll, I missed a day writing in my diary, but mostly I missed reading GoLightly's entry! I really look forward to that each morning! :) I took an overnight trip with my husband last night to a very cute resort that provided a wonderful meal, ice cream sundaes, and breakfast in the morning! I ate and enjoyed it, and tried not to stress about the calories. The time spent with my husband was worth it...the last thing I wanted to do was count calories!

I'm a bit nervous about weighing myself tomorrow, though...I'm worried that I've ruined what I've worked hard to lose...it's only about 2 1/2 pounds, but it's taken me three months!!!!!

I'll just continue to make wise choices, and pray, pray, pray.

Golightly on 04/11/2003:
Thanks for the compliment! I agree, romatic time spent with your husband should not be spent counting calories!

Keep up the wise choices!

Runner - Wednesday Apr 09, 2003

Weight: 116.0

Had a wonderful Korean dinner last night, and used low-fat recipes! Go Cooking Light magazine! I also went swimming this morning, which felt good. It was especially fun to read GoLightly's entry today on her swimming experience. My husband and I met exactly four years ago on this day, so we'll celebrate a little tonight...but instead of breaking out the chocolate and peanut butter, I'll make us a low-calorie, vitamin-filled protein shake! Gotta love those things. I'm encouraged with the weight loss...I'm not thinking about food as much lately, which is such a relief for me!

I really appreciate the positive comments...some people may not understand why someone at my weight is concerned about "losing weight," but I think I can honestly say that my concern is for developing a healthy attitude about my weight and making healthy choices when I eat. I just don't want to be a silent food addict who sneaks around to eat, and even though I'm still "thin" in some people's eyes, I do need to work through my battles with food. So I am encouraged when people respond to my diary with positive comments...it really means a lot to me that I'm taken seriously. Thanks.

Gael the Whale on 04/09/2003:
oh happy anniversary. hope you have an exciting evening. and a healthy day tomorrow.

MM on 04/10/2003:
I just recently picked up the Cooking Light magazine, and I love it. I never knew it was out there, until I came across it at the doctors office. Wow, what a lot of great ideas! I have a ton of cookbooks, but never really liked to cook, but now that I don't work, I love to try new recipes. My guinea pigs are great, too. They will try almost anything, and we get a lot of "keepers." I try a new recipe twice a week, and we have a pretty good turnout. It's great knowing I have such a variety of dinners now.

About your weight...When I first started DD, I was like most people, ignorant that "skinny" people had problems like me, but someone woke me up and now I know that almost everyone has problems with food. I now have an email buddy who I consider is skinny, but when she writes me, she sounds just like me, with all her problems about eating out with friends, sneaking food, etc. I'm glad you're on here, bc it lets me know that this will forever be on my mind, and it won't disappear once the weight goes away, although we would love that, wouldn't we? Keep it up! You're doing great and will be healthier for it!

Runner - Tuesday Apr 08, 2003

Weight: 116.5

Unbelievable! I was under 117 pounds for the first time in 5 weeks! Now, I know that scales fluctuate and all that, but I'm rejoicing in the small loss, even if it's due to water weight or something like that. I know that I've been eating better, though, so that's what I'm continuing to be excited about.

I'm making Korean food with my friend tonight, but I'm using recipes from Cooking LIght, so hopefully they won't be too bad for me! I love to cook, and especially to try new things. My main problem is overeating, especially when I make something new. I always feel compelled to eat a lot of it...it's weird.

My nutritionist told me yesterday that I need to separate my thoughts from my actions...in other words, just because I think something, doesn't mean that I have to act on it. For example, sometimes I'll think about how good it would be to just eat a huge handful of chocolate chips, but that doesn't mean that I HAVE to eat them. Sometimes I think that if a thought is in my mind, I have to act on it...and I don't! Just because it sounds good doesn't mean that I'm hungry. I think about food quite a bit and often act on my thoughts, instead of thinking about whether I really need those extra empty calories. ANyway...that's my deep thought for the day! That's as good as it gets, since I'm on spring break and giving my brain a break for once! :)

Gael the Whale on 04/08/2003:
LOL all morning I have been telling myself something like that. I have heard the sound of my own voice in my head telling me "just because you have it doesn't mean you have to eat it." . I have some food stockpiled ever since the month before the war started when we were on orange alert and they were doing the simulated terrorist attacks here with the flour and eggwhites and alcohol drops. Ordinarily we would go through that much food in a month but it really should be enough food to last us more like six months if we ate like ordinary humans

Golightly on 04/09/2003:
Runner, the loss is NOT water! Girl, you've been working hard! I'm doing a happy-dance for you right now!

Wow, that was great advice from the nutritionist. I can apply that to so many aspects of my life, not just food! I cut and paste the paragraph from your diary and put it in my notebook as a reminder.

I'm on vacation at the end of the month and can't wait to put my brain in neutral! (though my boss may claim that it already is! LOL)

Take care! Enjoy your break!

Runner - Monday Apr 07, 2003

Weight: 118.0

Had to bump my weight up that half pound this morning...had a few too many goodies this weekend, I think. I went to a wedding and waited a good 2 hours at the reception before I got to eat...meanwhile, I kept munching on the mints. I'm all minted-out, that's for sure! I'm on Spring Break this week and staying local instead of traveling. It's bitter cold outside, though, and snowing. Happy Spring, right? I'm going to the nutritionist in an hour. I'm still hoping to make some progress this week...I definitely don't want to regress, that's for sure!

Gael the Whale on 04/07/2003:
Hang in there runner. It is turning colder here again too. bummer. roses will bloom again. its a brand new day .

Golightly on 04/07/2003:
*sniff sniff* Yes, your breath seems very minty!

We had snowstorms all weekend and I was thinking the same as you "Where's spring?". I can't wait to be able to stop wearing boots!

Take care!

willloose on 04/07/2003:
hang in there runner! i went up to this morning..but its a new start to a new week. :)

Runner - Friday Apr 04, 2003

Weight: 117.5

I think I can safely say that I've lost a pound! I've been consistent all week and have made some progress! What a great feeling. It also feels good to be able to stop eating when I'm full. Yesterday I did have some peanut butter and chocolate chips, but I didn't overdo it. I had enough to satisfy me and then put it away.

Tonight I'm meeting my college roommates and we're making pizza together, watching movies, and having a "slumber party." I haven't done this with them since I've been married, so it should be fun! I'm looking forward to it. Back in college, we used times like this to pig out...but now we're smarter. We still eat goodies, but opt to make our own pizza and buy frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. Man, did we make a lot of donut runs in college! Those were the days...(and I paid for it, too!)

MM on 04/04/2003:
Great job making homemade pizza! What a better choice, and you'll have lots of fun in the kitchen together!

Runner - Thursday Apr 03, 2003

Weight: 117.8

Yes, I typed in 117.75 for my weight, since I am so happy to be under 118! I was almost 117.5, but I'm not going to jump the gun! :) I've been doing at least 1/2 hour of toning videos about 4 times a day for the last three weeks, and I'm noticing that my abs and thighs and buns are more toned! I've been doing the videos with two of my sophomore students, and we've just had a blast! They're the "Beach Body" videos, and they promise a beach body in 90 days...well, we'll see! Except for the continued cooold weather, things are looking up! I see the nutritionist on Monday again and I'm glad that I'll be able to tell her that I've had a great week of healthy, consistent eating. I think my caloric intake should be around 1900 calories...I'm able to maintain my weight that way.

On another note, my younger sister has just been diagnosed with Celiac's disease, which means she can't have any products with wheat. She's on a gluten-free diet. Anyone else out there know much about this disease? It's totally changing her eating habits, since she loves bagels, cereal, etc.

Runner - Wednesday Apr 02, 2003

Weight: 118.0

I'm so happy! I've had such good days lately, and I tried on my tight-fitting pants this morning and fit into them! What a relief. I put them on two weeks ago and they felt soooo tight. Now they're just a bit tight and I can breathe normally while wearing them! I was feeling so good about my weight and my healthy eating habits this morning, and wouldn't you know...temptation is just lurking at my doorstep! First off, my speech students have brought in special goodies for their speeches today...and they always want the teacher to try them! So I'll really have to be careful...a small bite, if anything. Then, I go to the teachers' lounge, and my worst temptation is just STARING at me...yup, someone brought in donuts!!!!!!!! Well, I know my weaknesses, and donuts are one of them! Thankfully, there are only a few left, so I'm praying and hoping that they're ALL GONE by lunchtime...I am NOT going to give in. Someone else can eat them and consume the extra calories...I'm finally going to say NO!

I had another small victory yesterday. I bought some dried mangoes and cantalope slices for my sister and for the first time, I didn't eat half of it! Usually I start eating them in the car on the way home, and I held off. I allowed myself about 4 small pieces and then sent them off to her. I was so excited that I didn't overdo it! Usually it's an extra 500 calories that I can easily consume on those things.

I'm learning that I feel so much better about myself when I make healthy choices. I know that pride comes before a fall, so I need to continually remind myself to stay strong, pray to the Lord, and keep my husband informed when I feel like I'm going to lose it!

Golightly on 04/02/2003:
Runner, good for you! Courageous acts empower! Even if the motions sometimes feel hollow, every little action we take is significant!


Runner - Tuesday Apr 01, 2003

Weight: 118.0

I'm back to 118! Wahoo! That's a nice feeling. And I got my run in this morning. Man, I love morning runs. I just have to keep myself from becoming dependent on them. I need to thank God everyday for the chance to exercise...it really is a privilege and blessing. I'm not thankful enough for a healthy body.

I've done well for two days with my eating habits. I've mainted about 1800 calories and avoided the "500-calorie binges" that were becoming too commonplace. I used to think that I should just be able to exercise self-control while keeping those tempting goodies in the house, but now I know that I should heed GoLightly's advice and just get rid of them! I've goofed up too many times. It's impossible to eat ice cream if it's not in the freezer, right??? I guess I just thought that I would be perceived as "weak" if I threw away the Oreos and peanut butter...like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't eat "just one." But I'm learning that I need to take measures to PREVENT the possible problem, rather than keeping the problem around and trying to avoid it.

Hope that makes sense. Anyway, this diary has been good for me. Getting my frustrations out and being able to see progress is encouraging. I have learned so much from many of you.

Golightly on 04/01/2003:
Hi Runner! I think you may be onto something with this jealous theory. It does seem strange to me that people have called you anorexic ... too bad they couldn't see you at the Expo last weekend! LOL On a side note, I get along MUCH better with women now that I'm fat (and not competition), much better than I did when I was 115. So there we go!

I guess the men at my office are never going to comment because any references to a woman's body could be construed as harassment!

Wow, you even threw away the peanut butter? You're strict! I still indulge once or twice a week with peanut butter on a rice cake. I consider it my "treat".

Take care and thanks for all then notes!

Runner - Monday Mar 31, 2003

Weight: 119.5

I took a baby step this morning in my workout routine. I actually slept in and didn't get up to run or weigh myself in the gym. I decided last night that I wasn't going to do it since I need to get out of my rut and I was super-anxious about the weight thing. I had a terrible eating day on Saturday. I attended a Women's Expo with my sister and basically snacked for 3 hours on all kinds of goodies...I'm sure I ate an extra 1500 calories.

Well, I am feeling so lazy this morning for not exercising, even though I plan to get out and run this afternoon. I'm so dedicated to my morning workout that I honestly feel like I'm addicted and that not running in the mornings is like trying to break an addiction. It's really hard!!! I don't feel like I deserve to eat breakfast and I feel really anxious. Like I might not get a chance to work out today. Isn't that so silly? It's so psychological...it's all in my head!

I really want to have a good week this week. I was 115 pounds in January and am now at least 119. I really don't want to continue to gain 2 pounds a month, and I feel like that's where I'm headed unless I get serious about calorie intake.

I'm also wondering if I should take any vitamin B12. I have a friend who is taking it...it helps her control her appetite and keeps her anxiety levels low. Anybody know anything about it?

Golightly on 04/01/2003:
Gosh, I WISH I found running addictive, instead of chocolate! That Expo would have been hell for me. For now, I am basically hiding from food situations that will tempt me. Eventually I will have to find a way to "reintegrate" into these situations ... but right now, I still feel too shaky to face them.

I wish when I was 119 I had started watching what I ate. I just kept ignoring the weight increases because I still wasn't fat. And look at me now! (sob) You are way ahead of the game for doing something about your eating BEFORE it becomes a huge problem (no pun intended!)

Take care Runner!

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