I know I have spoken about seeing multiple numbers here before as in 1111, 222,333,444, 555 etc.....and I'm seeing them multiple times a day....( usually on a digital clock)........What surprises me is that months can go by without seeing any....then it starts again.....it has been very intense these last few days.  currently 1111 , 222, and 444.  I never see it as a negative....no matter what it is supposed to mean.......and it is always at a time where I am doing a lot of soul searching.  I do not think it is a coincidence.........and I find it encouraging.  I wake up out of a sound sleep and see them on the clock.......I think there is so much more to life than I know or understand and I think it provides  guidance. 

My soul searching has been centered around the fact that I have always been  a caretaker type.  Going back to my earliest years....I was always working on making sure that everyone else was fine.......specifically....I recall that in junior high ( middle school to you younger ones).....In art class....we were told to go get some clay from the counter......I believed that there wasn't enough for the entire class.........and I was right....the person ahead of me took the last of it...and I made sure I was the last in line so that I would be without instead of someone else........BUT.......while there was no clay for me......there was something sitting there...a milk carton full of hardened plaster of paris........I wondered if the teacher would let me carve that instead.....I told the teacher there was no clay left and asked about the other alternative......he smiled and said yes.......I carved to my hearts content.........and got an A on that project.......everyone else was elbow deep in clay.

Around the same age....my Dad told me he would pay me 1 Cent for every leaf I picked up...I have  a very clear memory of not wanting to take his money...I picked up 10 and collected my dime..........LOL...now if he had asked me to help him rake...I would have done it happily.....without pay.  I know he took it differently because he said so many years later.......( I wish I had thought at the time to explain my not wanting to take his money)......

Basically I see that I have devoted my life to making sure everyone else was okay........at the expense of myself. 

I see  that while I was taking care of others.....they were expecting me to fix everything for them and not working on fixing things for themselves.

HOW DO YOU CRIPPLE A PERSON?  You cripple a person by doing things for them that they could do for them selves.

Did you know that when you stop enabling people they get mad at YOU?????

DID YOU KNOW THAT PUTTING EVERYONE ELSE FIRST MEANS YOU ARE PUTTING YOURSELF LAST WHILE AT THE SAME TIME THEY ARE ALSO PUTTING THEMSELVES FIRST?

When people stop working hard for what they want.......they lose.......

Hard work is  what makes people tough...resilient and capable.

When you baby someone.........you take away their power........

I see that while I have spent my entire life being a caretaker....it's time for me to stop that....and devote what is left of my time here working on me.  I need to better myself...and allow others to better themselves.... I go to bed at night hoping that family members get home from work safely........I stay by the phone in case someone needs me.........I set up my days to suit others...say yes when I want to say no.............do things out of love for others  to make them happy while it's not making me happy......

I think I need to work on me........Selfish is not a word that I am too familiar with....I wonder how it feels to be selfish.......I think that I am going to make it my job to find out!!!!