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bearcountrygg - Monday May 20, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

Up and waiting for the guys to come and work on the barn roof...so far...no show.......( and they said they may get here at 7:30...hummmm.....Woke up to 3 warnings from the bank that someone had used our credit card and it was declined 3 times yesterday.........called bank....and the total was almost $700........cancelled that card...that is what I get for shopping on Amazon again...and ebay ( paypal)...been there and had the same problem before........I had just gotten so that I was comfortable using the card online again.....back to in person shopping only......booked a hotel rm by phone today.......so lucky that the bank stopped them ( charges to AT&T bill, Comcast Bill and a theatre)....if this keeps up we will be paying in cash more and more.   On top of that the freezer door came open apparently yesterday and now it looks like a snow storm hit in there.......good reason not to shop...and to use up the contents of that snowy freezer now....goodbye to schwans once again too.

coffee and strawberry yogurt

Donkey on 05/20/2019:
Have you protected your WiFi with a password yet? You seem to get hit with an awful lot of online fraud.

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
Yes...it's protected....it appears to be a seller through amazon again....we were staying away from amazon but this particular seller sent our purchase somewhere else and in hind sight...they have almost all 1 out of 5 stars.....and have a history of this.....no more amazon for us.

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
I thnk we are running into this because we are shopping online for basically everything.....and the local store is awful....but we have decided that it is just time to drive to the nearest shopping area which is over an hour away....and call it good....probably once a month and make do with what we have the rest of the time.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2019:
you have very VERY bad luck with the fraud!

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
Luckily the bank catches them before they actually get the money...all 3 things were done within a couple of minutes....they stopped them.

bearcountrygg - Sunday May 19, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

Up at about 5:30 or so....coffee,  the news, looked over a new magazine that came yesterday.......read an article about lyme disease and it occurred to me that it will be a year since my tick bite......I cannot believe how fast time is going.  No lyme for me but definately a bacterial issue with a little irritation and itching on the spot...where there is a small scar...the general consensus is that they do inject some bacteria that is just going to be an irritant...I have heard of people having that surrounding area cut out because of it....I won't do that though. 

Bath and dressed in clothes that make me feel chilly so that I get plenty done.

Laundry going...currently washing my rolling luggage in the washer....this could go good or very bad.....ready for whatever happens as long as it doesn't damage the washer.....

Moving things around today.......last of the exercise equipment goes to the basement....and will make a serviceable exercise area there that is a little more inviting and enticing.  Also fixing up a table area there for my crafts and other things....I still have some stained glass supplies and scrapbooking things that I would like to get back too.......moving around had meant that those things had to be stored away.  Time to get them back out.......Raining now so no outside work today.

Breakfast was hearty.....toasted bagel, butter, peanut butter, banana, grapes......hearing really good things about bananas...used to be really allergic to them ( mouth blisters on contact)....but that is no longer a problem and I am glad about that.

Luggage came out of the washer beautifully...wish I had known that before.....

Just put dinner in the oven, chicken noodle casserole with peas...will seerve with coleslaw.......already had a Built bar as a snack...having a hungry day...but that is ok because yesterday wasn't.....things do have a way with working out over time I guess...my guess is tomorrow will be light eating.

The built bars are interesting........I was wondering about the soft chewy filling and was questioning what it was made from..........according to the box...whatever it is, it's made with gelatine.....that explains a lot......these things are very low cal...and very much a candy bar...yet contain protein........they do take away a sweet craving......but I doubt if I will ever order them again....they can be a trigger for sure.....They all look alike...different flavors that are very light/slight.......definately interesting and delicious...but probably not a good thing to get too hooked on.



Horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2019:
Wow, washing your rolling luggage huh!? i guess there's a removable inside fabric part. :)

I have vacuumed the inside part of my own luggage, i don't know, it got sandy :) I also have bought small oil scents that i have left in there to diffuse the luggage. someone who was a smoker gave it to me - and i had to work to get that horrible smell out. these oil pods worked great.

my father uses the basement for laundry and also exercise equipment. it's nice bc here's high windows that he could probably open for ventilation if he wanted to.

bananas are high sugar, but offer lots of goodness too. they are so great for digestion when you are bloated they calm things down, they are also great for people who exercise. i used to be so fearful of them, now i reach for them especially when i'm sore and know that their nutrition will be helpful.

BearCountryGG on 05/19/2019:
Nope...no removeable parts...just stuck it all in there and is was getting a good cleaning the last time I looked...hope it comes out okay....It will be needed for an overnight trip on friday...but if it's ruined I can just use some other bag. It's black and I just wasn't convinced I would be happy with spot cleaning.....it's been all over the place and can be replaced if necessary...so far...so good....LOL...I do love bananas...but they can slow my wt loss....but it's worth it.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2019:
What setting did you use to wash? delicates?

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
Nope...Hot and regular....worked amazingly!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2019:
I don't think i've tried the built bars yet, but i have a few new bars i have ordered that i am REALLY happy with. new brands that use better ingredients. all keto or higher fat / protein for a nice snack at work or home that hits the spot.

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
Probably best to stick with those...these are too candy bar like.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2019:
When i eat bananas, they are either with some kinda light drink during exercise or after....or, i have started to occasionally have it after my lunch at work as my carb. when you eat them after the meal, the sugars, it supposedly doesn't cause as big a spike in blood sugars. anyways, i wanted to write more about bananas.

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
Good souce of potassium...and all kinds of great affects on the body......I feel good when I eat them now...not like the old allergic days where the skin in my mouth blistered immediatly....nice to have that finally stop...I went years before trying them again...but it was worth it.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2019:
oh, and are you air drying the luggage?

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
Yes....it is nylon so I just let the air get to all pockets and the main interior area and it dried over night...looks like new...amazing!!

bearcountrygg - Saturday May 18, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

I recently realized something that kind of boggles my mind....This winter I had purchased 3 heavy fluffy fleece type tops because I get cold in the winter..( D as well as the doctor says to keep the house temp 68 degrees year around with a window cracked open)......i get cold year around at that temp...plus I'm Hypothyroid which makes me cold too....so these three warm heavy tops were so comfy this winter...but I also notice that when I'm wearing them I just want to snuggle up and watch tv or read.......I don't really want to move around..........then I realized that if I wore short sleeved tops...i moved around a lot more because apparently my body was trying to create warmth itself...so a lot more gets done........that also burns calories.  I was a child of the 50's where we HAD to wear dresses to school....which basically also required dressier shoes......we froze in the winter...little cotton dresses and black patent leather shoes aren't very warm in the winter.  We were allowed to put some pants on for the walk to school and during recess...but they came off when our coats came off......we had rubber boots that you wear your shoes in...not warm...but waterproof....We were cold and we lived with it....funny how over the next many years I kept that style of dressing...I wore sleeveless tops in the winter.....I had a sweater that I put on as needed...but basically...I continued to dress that way for the first 40 years of my life........and I stayed thin......And through those years I also had a very limited wardrobe...I wore what I had and never considered adding to it unless totally necessary.....Then....suddenly I started shopping for fun from a discount store that carried designer clothes at a steep discount and my wardrobe suddenly grew and grew...I bought warm clothes and bought and bought....and I started gaining weight........I got sedentary....started drinking diet and regular pop....got even more sedentary.....ate more, sat more, drank pop more, was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, uterine fibroids, endometriosis, ...lost wt, gained it back, and since then i have fought the wt...on and off and on and off....what changed?  I had spent my first 40 years wearing basically the same clothes year around in 4 season Michigan.....I was moving to stay warm, I was burning calories...I was healthier...yes...when I was thin I did have PCOS, asthma, allergies and the after affects of a heart attack during surgery for the PCOS....but I kept busy and stayed thin......it was when I started wearing warm snuggly clothes during the winter that i started putting the weight on...is it a coicidence?  I have to wonder........Today no matter how cold I get...I'm wearing short sleeves..........as a test.


Edit...WOW...what a difference, short sleeves for me from now on...no matter the weather.....staying warm or over warm just makes me lazy and sleepy...being cool to chilly is energizing.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2019:
well, i also wear a fleece top around my apt, most of the year when i'm indoors!

BearCountryGG on 05/19/2019:
Makes me sleepy and lazy.....real wake up call for me.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2019:
at work, i also have to wear a fleece bc i am just freezing sitting there...if i were up and moving, i wouldn't need it as much - that's true!

bearcountrygg - Friday May 17, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

Lots to keep busy with today.....seems like there is no reason why not to literally work around here every day for at least 8 hours.......I loved having a job yet when i retired I stopped keeping busy all day.....and now I wonder why................this place provides plenty of things to do.  While activity really in the long run actually burns few calories it does help keep me from being sedentary, and it does provide ways to keep limber............it also keeps me from eating other than planned meals.  I guess when I retired i decided to just sit down and try to enjoy a life of leisure since I was no longer punching a time clock........but looking back now I can see that i was happier staying busy.........I have always believed that home needs to be run like a business because basically that is what it is.......and it allowed us to have a nice comfortable retirement........but the business should not have stopped because of retirement...it should have just become easier to run......Since I have taken the emphasis off of dieting and put it on staying busy clothes are getting looser again.........and i am feeling better in general.  Still avoiding the scales although I did get new batteries and it is ready in case I want to check on it....but I'm better not doing that.  I guess the main thing for myself...is that I will self regulate without thinking about it as long as I don't dwell on a diet or weigh ins or calories..........the non diet diet...what a novel idea for me...but it makes sense. 

Getting a lot done, large equipment delivery today, a walk behind brushhog so that D doesn't have to wrestle the big one onto the tractor.....sold the big one...YEAH.......got rid of some ladders last night too.....still some unneeded tools and equipment here to get rid of...but making it all easier for D will be a lot better.  This place will be as old age friendly as we can make it soon.  Neighbors are doing the same thing at their houses right now too.......nifty little community we have going on here right now.  We really all understand each other and why we are living so remotely.  It is a nice life here.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2019:
i'll write more later, but, you keeping up with activity during the day is definitely a GREAT thing :) it DOES burn more calories than you'd think and you are also using your mind to do these tasks. it's great.

BearCountryGG on 05/17/2019:
The day really goes by fast too.....just getting things done does good things for my attitude too.

legcramps on 05/17/2019:
Very good idea to makes things easier for you both; the less you have to stress about getting in or out of the way, the easier it will be to finish the things you need to do on a daily basis and just live a lot healthier mentally! Have a great day!

BearCountryGG on 05/17/2019:
Yes...So true!

bearcountrygg - Thursday May 16, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

Up a little after 6 and not hungry...so starting with coffee and waiting for hunger to hit.  I think today will be a bedroom declutter.....too many odds and ends have made their way there and they just aren't working....I had thought that keeping the exercise equipment in there would make it more of an incentive to use...but now I believe the opposite...any equipment in there is going to the basement.........i need to spot clean the rolling luggage...and just generally declutter...not starting closets or drawers though...that will be for another day...will also dust and vaccum in there......would also be nice to declutter the master bath if I have the energy....yesterday I was so lazy AND UNMOTIVATED...today I want to get things accomplished......funny how that mood changes so often.   Also remembered i had put bulk chicken and ground beef in the fridge 2 days ago...and forgot to package them...UGH...HAS to be done today or I will lose them all together.  Definately feeling the need to load up my cars backseat again for the thrift shop.....the older I get ( and it's happening way too fast)....the less I want to have to dust and push around.......and deal with........after yesterdays rather unhealthy meals I am definately wanting something a bit better today......I do seem to balance myself out like that...including with cals........I really do think I would benefit just listening to myself more instead of trying to follow a "program"........I really do self regulate all across the board...why did I ever think I needed to have to follow a "diet"...or a book.....?  I really just need to listen to my body....it worked just fine for 40 years....until I fell into that trap.................

Not hungry...had coffee...not eating until the need arises......getting that room fixed up now.

Making good headway on the master Bd rm......had a quick breakfast when I felt the hunger........so far the desk is cleared off......and organized...bed made, some others things neatened up........things just seem to end up there......need to start taking things directly to the basement......new habit to be started today!!

Chicken in the oven and starting to smell good.  Roasting more potatoes...so easy, the tiny yellow ones are so clean all I have to do is wash them off, add a little olive oil and seasonings and roast until done........way easy.  Haven't decided about what veggie yet.....

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2019:

i also balance cals. some days more, some days less is my approach also.

you remind me: i'm roasting or cooking, haven't decided yet!, my potatoes tonight! and freezing some for future meals! I may just steam them, so i can roast them another time, just wanna get them cooked this weekend!

BearCountryGG on 05/16/2019:
I do like a clean house.....and maybe more importantly when i'm cleaning I'm not eating...LOL...it is so nice to have foods ready to go...potatoes are a good source of potassium!!!

bearcountrygg - Wednesday May 15, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

Yesterday was busy...and got a lot done that had kind of been hanging over my head......today the septic gets pumped..."LOVELY".....but a country necessity..Got up at 5:30 and made biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast........D is working outside all day so he needed something hearty to stick with him......I couldn't resist too.....it has been a very long time since I made that.  BUT...it made me sleepy and I went back to bed again.....something for me to remember........but at 10...I'm still full... so snacking averted.  Bath done now and time to get busy around here.........simple lunch of hot dogs, a veg and chips because people will be coming and going around here all day so it has to be quick and easy....D is selling a flat bed trailer and that guy may come to pick it up today....also MR Sampson seems to like scratching the walls....UGH...so we are trying different scratching posts....I am amazed at catnip spray.....that stuff is great....tall scratching post to arrive anyday now.........his dishes got delivered to someone else in another town the other day ........I think we are spending more money on Mr Sampson than we did babies...LOL.....

After spending a couple of days very busy...i would love to just sit down and veg today...I can see age creeping in and slowing me down more and more......just doing some easy things today...........need to book a hotel for the 24th....need to balance bank books, need to gather trash to take to the rd.....need to download some things to my card.....probably another nap....UGH

Maria7 on 05/15/2019:
I know all about the septic tank being pumped. Like you say, a necessity when live out in the country. Glad that Mr. Sampson is getting settled in good. Funny about the money part...I am learning that animals are an ongoing cost that is always more than anticipated before getting them...we have chickens, too and pay more to have them than if we simply bought eggs at a store, ha. But happy we have them as well as our boys (cats). Have a good evening.

BearCountryGG on 05/15/2019:
Pets are worth it..Sampson keeps things hopping around here...we are glad we got him.......our youngest son has had chickens and he says the same things as you...buying eggs would be cheaper but they like their chickens...

Horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2019:
awwwww so cute you are spoiling your kitty ;)

napping sounds so so so wonderful!

there are many times when i yearn for more time off work because the schedule just wears me out so much when i try to fit in other things. really, the change to a public transportation commute from previous driving has been GOOD but it also takes more of my day up...but, i prefer it.

like you, lately i just want naps and more naps. should be another great weekend for sleeping though, especially with being able to sleep in a little bit come Friday with the day off! :)

sleep is good for you - i have a "Great Aunt" or something in my family. she's around 88 and still owns an art gallery. she takes naps there during the day each day usually after lunch.she has an assistant that can help customers and she just sneaks away upstairs and takes a nap. she looks absoutely amazing at 88, more like she is 75.

bearcountrygg - Monday May 13, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

Yesterday confirmed what i guess I already knew.......The busier I am...the less I eat.......Basically when I'm not counting as I go and count at the end of the day...I generally eat between 900 and 1,500 cals a day.  I doubt I have eaten 2,200 in a day in the last year, counting or not.  I do know that a 1,500 cal day means maintenance for me...1,200 cals or less equals wt loss.

Lately coffee makes me jittery...1 cup consumed within a 2 hour period just doesn't work well for me anymore...i used to be able to drink 2 cups one after another....not now.  One thing I am finding is that when i get caffeine jitters.....I need to go take my vitamins...that usually helps...if not then I take tylenol...that always stops it.  I do have a lot less problem with the flavored coffee pods.....the ones I've been using lately are just coffee...plain..from different companies....i had to throw out some BOLD pods....they put me into such a state of mind I NEVER want to go back to......it was beyond jitters....

Yesterday was a final test and confirmation for me.......When I am busy all day then I eat an appropriate number of cals all day...when i am idle.....I eat the wrong things and too many of them. 

It all explains a lot to me....I had no weight problem until I hit around my 40's...and stress got high.  After that  I ate from stress and because I was eating from stress and not hunger for a short period of time..I created a new norm and began to eat differently.  The weight came on and to deal with the stress of that I ate more...dieted, put it back on and dieted and put it back on again...over and over.....food went from something I used for nutrition to something I used for comfort. 

I now know that dieting is not my problem......being idle is.  Starting today I am going back to what I did for my first 40 years and that is to eat only from hunger and nutrition......I'm taking the words weight loss diet out of my vocabulary and I'm going to concentrate of staying busy instead......it worked for 40 years and it should work again......I have met so many people that say they have been dieting their whole adult life......and they are not happy about it.  It's a drag...that is for sure.  I created this awful habit and i can change it.

I actually had a big well rounded healthy and satisfying breakfast...and then got busy around here...made a phone call to walmart about a lost pkg and resolved it FINALLY...took 3 times though.  Looked up some info for D, sent him off with 4 bills to mail,Got some meat out of freezer for noon meal, took a bath and got dressed and got started on deep cleaning the laundry room and will do up all laundry at the same time, will deep clean the half bath too.  Will make bed and then see what time it is when those things are done.

I did get a lot of things done today...made a nice healthy lunch and then just had a snack for the afternoon........helped D load a piece of tacter equipment on a trailer.....and just stayed busy all day....5 loads laundry.....and I'm ready to settle down now and maybe watch a movie.  It's been a really productive day all the way around...

Maria7 on 05/13/2019:
Yes, if we can stay busy, we have half the battle won of overeating. As for coffee, I drink mine with 1/2 decaf and 1/2 caf (drip kind) and that works much better for me and I mostly drink decaf diet drinks when I drink them. If we eat out, I drink regular caffeinated iced sweet teas. This works for me and I am not so caffeinated. Hope you have a good day!

BearCountryGG on 05/13/2019:
The decaf is fine with me too.....although i did get caffeine withdrawl headaches last week with that...but I never thought about mixing the 2...good idea Maria...I will try that.

horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2019:
I def cannot drink ANY coffee without food. and i can't have 2 cups either without being extremely jittery!

but if they are bold, i'd use them, throw out half, and refill with hot water the half the coffee you threw out?

i have also used nutrition for comfort. carbs release seratonin, feel good hormone. that's why people binge more on sweets and carbs than a piece of steak!

i know you are saying "starting today you are eating from hunger," but actually you have been working on this all year. and you are going back to it again, so this is good!

i always like it when my bed is made...so many times i just fix it before getting back in at night ;) haha

BearCountryGG on 05/13/2019:
I had started eating from boredom again and that always leads to disaster.....funny how changing one habit helps another. The bold coffee I threw out had a really weird affect on me...it put me straight into a nasty depression...basically I was scared of it...D wouldn't even drink it...and he kept telling me to throw it away...I really think that even half a cup watered down would have been a problem...that was a really strange affect for me.....and the box it came in had a lot of loose coffee in it but no leaking pods.....it was creepy. I like my bed made too...it just never feels right if I don't make it...

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
i understand you regarding the coffee. sometimes it's best to get rid of something that appears detrimental!

Donkey on 05/15/2019:
I love coffee, but I find that I have to adjust the amount of coffee grounds I use, from time to time, because it's either too strong or too weak. Also, black coffee is hard on my tummy so I hardly ever drink it that way unless I have to.

bearcountrygg - Sunday May 12, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all of the Moms!!!!!


Up at 5:00 and made a healthy breakfast. 

2 egg omelette with peppers and onions

2 turkey sausage patties

1 slice whole grain toast with spray butter

1 cup coffee

D suggested we go out for dinner today but I know in this little town that the few restaurants we have will be packed so we will go another day when it is quieter........besides...I had planned on making steaks today.......so I also just want to get some more things done around here.....Heard from the boys via mail and phone calls....Everyone is healthy and happy and that makes this Mom very happy....One is working ( assistant manager at a major Dept Store)...and other is getting over a very bad ear infection and these antibiotics are finally working...his wife is healing from her surgery and they are finally doing better....it's been a tough winter for them, health wise.

Spring yard cleanup has been what is going on here too......since D will be 71 this summer and I will be 70.....we came to some understandings and agreements yesterday......like it or not...age is not kind.....and we see regular loss of strength and just general energy.  We agreed that we do not want to move to an apartment, condo or senior living situation (I would be okay with those but D would not)...,so we are going to make living here in the forrest as easy on ourselves as we can.......We will be adding some things here now that help us get things done easier.......safer easier to handle equipment, selling the things that are difficult for us to use and replacing them.  We plan to do more things that just make us happy, stop worrying about things we can't change...and stop reminding each other that we are old...LOL...SO.......today I am just still in FLYLADY cleaning, decluttering and stress reducing mode..........Back to meal pics just because I eat healthier when i do that.....no pics seem to either end up in a binge or very little eating at all (like yesterday)......


Our main meal


roasted potatoes

sauteed onions and peppers


soda water



Donkey on 05/12/2019:
Happy Mother's Day!

The realities of getting older and how our bodies start imposing limitations.... Is it sad that I'm already starting to see evidence of this in myself at 49?

BearCountryGG on 05/12/2019:
I was seeing it at that time Donkey...I had a hysterectomy at 48 and I have to say that everything happened quickly after that. And the weird thing was I was in menopause for the next 10 years or so...hot flashes are eye opening!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
wow does that steak meal look GREAT!?!?!? or what!

Happy Mother's Day BCGG!!

you are still that old, BCGG! my parents are 65 &66...bless them! :)

mom just retired, dad still working :/

BearCountryGG on 05/12/2019:
How is your Mom doing now?

Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
wishing your one son who's getting better and his wife continued healing :)

BearCountryGG on 05/12/2019:
Thanks...They have had a lot of health issues...it's always nice to hear when they are well.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2019:
Believe it or not, my mom is really close to being fully recovered! she still goes to Physical Therapy, but she is driving again and she just gets some pain if she does too much, but, she's basically back to her old self! amazing! thanks for asking!!

BearCountryGG on 05/13/2019:
I'm so happy to hear that HOP...I think about he a lot and I've been wondering how she was doing.

bearcountrygg - Saturday May 11, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

Cool and overcast here in the forrest......and spending this saturday cleaning and rearranging things...it's a good thing....eating has been actually minimal...sweets yes....but also fish....and a couple of other things...but it does truly seem like I can easily trade eating and housecleaning up very easily...it's always been that way...I guess when I get stressed..I just sit down and eat.....when I plan a day of cleaning.......I have very little appetite....as Legs said.....trading one addiction for another does work......

There is a lot of satisfaction for me in having a clean and well organized house...there is a lot of momentary satisfaction and a looong unhappy time with eating the wrong things at the wrong times.........

I guess that housecleaning will be my addiction of choice...because Kaboom  and food just do not mix...LOL

Tomorrow.....back to the pictures because I make better choices then...and tomorrow will be another huge cleaning day because i eat less then...time to stack the deck for success!!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
what type of fish were you eating?

i also love a really clean place, plus it's good exercise when you clean! it's amazing how fast things get dusty!!

bearcountrygg - Friday May 10, 2019
(Working on New Habits)
Weight: 0.0

My agrivation with myself............parents that were sugarholics...especially chocolate...set the standard....chocolate is not to be frowned on...in fact my Moms chocolate addiction was a part of her funeral....her addiction started as a child living across the street from a grocery store....and her penchant for begging her Dad for a nickel for candy....I will say it was cute when during the service her surviving brother and sister were brought into that by the pastor.  There they were in their very advanced old age nodding and remembering the candy from the store across the street...seeing them interacting with the pastor was cute...and in their senility they still remembered....but my chocolate filled childhood is still with me......for many of my thin years I successfully avoided it........then...oddly...what started it again in my 40's was a stressful time when Perry Drug store ( now Rite Aid).....donated all of their leftover easter candy to social services.......( a sons friend was working there and they were looking for a charity to donate to).....he delivered it to us and said to take what we wanted....give away what we wanted...and take the rest to social services ( we were foster parents at the time and the social workers were thrilled)..........so that got me back into a little bit of chocolate..and it  only got worse from there...it became a "THING" again....and truly has never stopped...........is it genetics?  Is it what i was taught?  Is it lack of self control?  One thing I know is that even though my parents would actually drive to a store just for chocolate...I would not.....NO...I am a little more savvy then that...I STAY WELL STOCKED....UGH!

I will say that D has better self control with food...coming from a family where both parents were diabetic and he and 2 sisters are now....he can eat a little and stop.................and his last A1C test was great....still on meds...but great.   I'm not a good example for him........I still buy the stuff...I still put it in the cupboards.....today..I removed most of it from his sight......I don't want to continue to be a bad example for him...he needs to deal with his problem without me making it worse.

On the other had with myself having LOW blood sugar...I HAVE to have it readily available quickly...what a mess.  I take advantage of that and eat a lot of it...yet...how am I avoiding diabetes?????  My Mother and grandfather were diabetic......how am I avoiding that with my sugar addiction?  

I went off the sugar awhile back and had all kinds of medical issues...felt terrible..obviously craving the sugar.......bloated and worse.......added the sugar back and health issues settled down.......I need to get a handle on this or I will be back to my higest weight again..( been there and done that)....I have had the idea that if it is in the house it is fair game...yet i never allow myself to use it up and keep it out after that.............schwans, boxed, walmart and amazon groceries...are no help......I keep ordering, they keep delivering and I keep eating..........I have self control in every stinking area of my life...WHY NOT FOOD????????   This is not a question to anyone...I guess I am asking myself.  Maybe because i am restrained in every other area???????  Maybe because I don't want to give it up or eat in moderation...maybe because I refuse to give up my ONE VICE????........................................................................................................Food just seems to be a all or nothing thing for me.  

Why am I so weak when it comes to eating right.....?????

Maria7 on 05/10/2019:
For me, food is a comfort...a comfort from stress...a comfort from things I feel I am missing out on sometimes...Sweets is my thing...I feel stressed, then it is time for something crunchy to eat...I feel I am missing out on something...Time for more comforting food, sometimes lots of it...sometimes it doesn't matter if it is sweet or salty...Food is comforting...until we get on the scale and then there is disgust...we feel like failures...We can't wear the size we prefer to wear...We see that our bodies have fat on them that doesn't need to be on them...We are not as healthy as we could be if we were thinner...Just park in a parking lot of a busy store and count how many overweight people get out of their vehicles and go into the store until you finally see 'one' that might be normal weight...most Americans are overweight...Discipline is not always the answer when food is an addiction for many people...It is one thing that makes them feel better temporarily...Food is comforting.

BearCountryGG on 05/10/2019:
You are exactly right Maria....what you wrote sounds like it was written by me........You understand completely and I appreciate that so much! Thank you!

legcramps on 05/10/2019:
Yes, addiction is addiction, no matter how you look at it. I agree with Maria when she says that discipline is not always the answer. Maybe the first step is trying to understand how addictions can be managed and/or treated?

In my life - and i've heard this from many other people as well - I have substituted one addiction for another, and that's how I have overcome some pretty bad habits/addictions from my past. Instead of smoking, I bike. Instead of drinking, I swim. Instead of arguing, I lift. But just because i'm doing healthier things doesn't mean I don't still struggle with addiction. I've only become very good at distracting myself!

The part about discipline that no one really talks about is that it is a form of control. And we can only control so many things in our lives. So we control our food intake, the cleanliness of the house, the relationships we have with other, and then - when we inevitably fail to be 100% at these things - we fall apart. And when we fall apart, we feel disappointment, despair, worthless, and we fall even deeper, until we attempt to control these things yet again. And the cycle continues.

It's not a sign that you are anything other than HUMAN. I don't have the answer, but I think it is hiding somewhere in SELF-ACCEPTANCE. Love the person you are, right now, first. Maybe then you will allow yourself the space you need to succeed.

BearCountryGG on 05/10/2019:
I agree..it is definately an addiction....and yoyo dieting has been an issue before...I think your idea of substituting one addiction for another makes all kinds of sense...and I believe I can substitute house cleaning instead...I guess that is why I'm back on FLYLADYS homemaking schedule...I know for a fact that I do not eat when I'm cleaning....it does work. Thanks for the reminders...I totally agree.

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2019:
a little is OK of anything. you can actually make chocolate part of the day, instaed of saying it's fully off-limits.

i have learned that i can't avoid things or i binge later.

BearCountryGG on 05/10/2019:
It's a catch 22 for me...I can't seem to eat just 1 serving of certain things....buying just 1 serving is probably the only way for me......and I agree with total avoidance...it can lead to a binge too.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
A very honest entry, with lots of really good feedback. Wish I had the answer... I did think about what your wrote.

BearCountryGG on 05/11/2019:
I have to say that is is an addiction......I am beginning to accept that. It could be worse...and it could be better....but it is a powerful force...I wish I had the answer too....

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