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bearcountrygg - Monday Mar 09, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

I have been following the reporting on the coronavirus as are most people I know........and this morning I have probably learned more than all previous days...........according to what I read and heard today.....and what makes the most sense to me is that this corona virus is actually a man made virus that was released for who knows why in China and is acually a viral pneumonia....that is caught by about 2% of the population and most people are able to get over it easily enough but particularly older people ( of which I am 1)....have a tendency to have it develop into a life threatening pneumonia.  That peaks my interest because I have had pneumonia several times and have lung issues 100% of the time. 

I have always been a big hand washer to the point of my hands cracking and bleeding........( I will now be adding antibacterial hand cleaner, we are now taking elderberry supplements and making sure we take our daily vitamins.) 

I'm wondering if since I have concentrated on weight loss for the last several years and actually concerned myself with not stressing my already weakened lungs during that time and stopping when I got tired, that possibly I have been putting the emphasis on the wrong things........

1.  Instead of eating to lose weight.....maybe I should have been eating to build health

2.  Exercising for a specific time period instead of exercising to build endurance how ever long that takes......I'm realizing that exercise is not about the number of reps or the minutes on the exercycle...it's about doing them until I am noticeably stronger.....and stronger.

3.  Making endless lists of things I want to get done or have done so that I can enjoy the freedom of being able to just forget about them.........why waste time writing it down, why waste time thinking and planning about when I will do it.....why not just go do it.......and forget about it and move along to something new.

4.  So my emphasis will be on eating for health not losing the last few pounds, pushing myself to do more activity without quitting because I'm tiring, and by activity...I mean I will gather up all of my TO DO LISTS...and get them done...and then I will look for more things to do and get those things done.......until everything across the board is exactly the way I want it....( which will probably be never but that will keep me plenty busy trying.)

Donkey on 03/10/2020:
My husband also thinks that this virus is man- made as part of China's manipulation of biological warfare. The past few flu- like epidemics, he says, have started in the Wuhan province. Hmm... the same place, every time? Hmmm...

I love the idea of eating for health. Also, take vitamin D and a probiotic. Drink plenty of water. These are things I've been hearing and reading, in all this virus talk.

Lists help me only because of the feeling I get from checking off things accomplished. So it's not the list themselves but getting things done. Just insight from my little part of the world.

bearcountrygg on 03/10/2020:
I also take D....but need to get some probiotics.....I so often get complacent and make the list and then don't carry it through...UGH!

Horn_of_plenty on 03/11/2020:
linking to what Donkey said, it seems that China is to blame not for manipulation, but more for their lack of standards and unhealthy practices with their outdoor food markets / disease control perhaps. :( it is strange it's the same place every time...perhaps they have more open markets or less standards than many places in China. i don't know..

i love my kombucha which is all about the probiotics ;)

i would say that the # of minutes or reps can count because it's something to judge your progress off of. you have to see, based on your progress and experience with it, how many reps or minutes it takes to work hard enough so it is helping you get stronger!

i also like my lists and especially when i do them. it helps me to stay ogranized and not waste a day away when i am able to list some goals.

#4 sounds great! :)

innerpeace on 03/13/2020:
I think about you often. Today I would like to be isolated.

I also have the concern going to visit my mother, she is older (75) and I am worried that we will bring it to her, so I am still debating on weather or not we drive to Oklahoma over our planned spring break.

These are crazy times.

bearcountrygg - Sunday Mar 08, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

The time change has things a little messed up but that is no surprise...it happens every time.  D headed out to work with his hounds.......I'm heading to the basement to move some more things around....storage cabinets did not arrive yesterday...( not surprised...it was a really wonky email).......so it may be another month before the do get delivered...and that is what we originally expected anyway...( gives me more time to get organized for them.) 

In going through the boxes and bags last night in the basement...I found a microwave that was apparently broken by the movers......so far...it was the only casualty...and since we haven't needed it before...we didn't know.but the bag it was in contained about a million tiny shards of glass...so that was okay.......and we hadn't needed  to move it...( they hid it very well)...LOL....no problem.........I don't think there has ever been a move where something either was lost, disappeared or was broken in the process......the most embarassing mishap was when movers dropped a dresser and the drawers fell out ( I had emptied the drawers and moved that stuff in boxes....BUT...when one of the drawers fell out...along with it came a brightly colored pair of undies...that had angels all over them....you had better bet that I grabbed those up off the grass very quickly and stuffed them in my pocket!!  I don't think the guys noticed becxause they were so horrified about dropping the dresser and having drawers flying all over..LITERALLY!!!   When we were expecting our first baby...we moved back to the city to a tiny little house in a not very safe area........we didn't have much...so aside from some hand me down furniture....we basically moved our clothing in paper grocery bags ( no such thing as garbage bags in those days).....and the bag of out favorite clothes ( maternity tops, D's levi jeans...etc....just disappeared....did they fall out of the truck?  Were they stolen from the truck when we were inside the house?....We will never know...but they were seriously the most needed things in the move.......BUT...we got by without them and life went on.....and so it goes.

Donkey on 03/08/2020:
That's a funny story about the drawers and the underwear!

This time change always throws me for a loop - SO DIFFICULT to lose that one hour of sleep. Funny how it doesn't bother me as much when I stay up late an extra hour to watch Perry Mason. So it must also have to do with the sunshine.

bearcountrygg on 03/08/2020:
I agree....the sun making that sudden change is confusing.

Donkey on 03/08/2020:
Oh I meant to say that I replied to your comment to my entry yesterday, about the cat boxes. Long story short: good idea!

bearcountrygg on 03/08/2020:
I think I would try that with the kitty just as a reminder to her.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/09/2020:
Yes, i felt the difference of the time change too...

you have a LOT of moving stories. :) I may be done moving for the rest of my life as i have (god bless) an affordable apt that (cross my fingers) stays that way!

bearcountrygg - Saturday Mar 07, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

Up early and getting things done...it sure feels good to have accomplished things before 8 A.M.  Moved a lot of things around in the basement this morning...and successfully moved 2 litter boxes from one end of the basement to the other...and he acknowleged it and jumped in....so that worked well.......We have had him for a year next month and have never known him to go anywhere but the litter boxes....so we are just lucky....it hasn't always been that way with past cats...one even went in D's shoe one time.......UGH!

So.......one corner of basement cleared out. and vaccumed....a huge picture came upstairs....and will have to clean and hang that in the near future.  Cabinets may be delivered today...but not sure...got a wonky email that leaves questions.....about that...but does have today between 8 and 8....so we will be here anyway....so it doesn't matter really either way.  

Bath and hair washed.....breakfast was PB toast and coffee

Thank goodness for tylenol....lifting heavy things is no fun anymore...back just can't take it.........

Third load of laundry just went in and had an RX bar for a snack.......getting things done so early usually makes the day go fast...but not today....it's dragging.

3rd load in dryer now.  Took a short nap and had all veggies and ranch dressing for lunch ( lettuce, yellow pepper, celery, cauliflower, mushrooms and asparagus with ranch) Earlier I had found myself eating chocolate...mindlessly.....hope luch helped level things out.


Donkey on 03/07/2020:
Well, we lose an hour of time tonight, so that should make things go by faster for everyone this weekend...

I tell ya, I'm at my wits end with Sick Baby Kitty. I know that she cannot help that she got sick, and that it has affected the use of her lower body. She's been trying to use her litter box again, too, and I'm so proud of her for that. But honestly, the clean-up after her, for when she doesn't use the litter box, is just overwhelming. She still doesn't have proper nerve usage of her hind legs, and I think that her bladder control has been compromised as well. She has a whole new bottle of medicine to take - like for the next 3+ months - so I'm hoping she'll continue to improve. She's such a sweet little thing, but I don't know if we can have 15+ more years of this. She's only 2!

bearcountrygg on 03/07/2020:
That is sad about your kitty....she may not really know when she needs to go...or maybe she just can't get there fast enough....hopefully the meds help her. It could really get to be a pain...but have you tried just placing her in her litter box occasionally? That might start a bad habit of her depending on you for that....but it may also help her remember to use her litter box......it does sound like she has made some improvements so far...hopefully that continues.

Donkey on 03/07/2020:
I seem to have developed tennis elbow. Aleve helps me with that a lot. Tylenol, for me, is great for headaches and cramps. But joint pain like my knee, elbow, and shoulder respond better to Aleve. Isn't that funny?

Be proud that you've gotten a lot accomplished in your day already!

bearcountrygg on 03/07/2020:
That is interesting.....I haven't taken aleve or advil for many years...( I think one or both may not be advised for my age group it seems to me)...so we stick with tylenol....but I do notice that i don't get much relief from the lower dose ones...and the mid range works well....and the arthritis strength is all that works for D........I wonder if larger doses would make a difference for you.

Donkey on 03/08/2020:
Bear - we have discussed putting her in her box occasionally. This is an excellent idea. The only problem is that during the week, my husband cannot really bend down enough to pick her up and place her gently into the box. So it might have the opposite effect if he did that. I can do that on the weekends. She does use her box sometimes. Sometimes I catch her going in there, moving litter around, and then getting out, with nothing done. LOL, such a silly little kitty.

In the meantime, I found our old steamer, looks kind of like a small Dyson vacuum cleaner, but instead steam cleans hardwood floors. I've asked husband to do this every other day, at least on the main level. It will definitely help.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/09/2020:
whoa! you are productive today!

i love it when i wash my hair also. I don't wash it everyday anymore bc, especially in wintertime, it doesn't seem logical to go out with wet hair in mornings. plus i have a sensitive scalp!

so yeah, i love clean hair as well! :)

bearcountrygg - Friday Mar 06, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

Started this morning out getting some things done......and it was nice for a change. 

Why does sitting around mean eating carbs?  They just seem to go together for some reason........For me...being active means meals and no snacks........being sedentary means having my hand in a bag of something that I am embarassed to be seen eating.  The subconscious knows......yet the charade continues......The best way for me to know that I am doing the wrong thing is to decide if I would be embarassed or ashamed if someone else saw me eating  that.  Closet eater syndrome in  full force.  Stopping something means replacing it with something else.  How many times have I known this and had to redo????  Too many to count.

Otherwise...the day started well..........D's prize hound fathered a litter of puppies shortly before his death and they will be born in the next week.......so the owner of the female and D will each have 1 or 2 new little ones to raise and we are excited......They will be so loved.  It's a small litter and that is perfect...they are all spoken for by our 2 families. 

I placed an order with Lowes this morning for several steel cabinets to be delivered.......yeahhhh...for getting boxes off the floor....the garage and basement with be so much neater.

Today I am once again puting myself on a schedule.......( I just let myself go rogue way too often)......if I don't have a boss or a contract...I guess I don't take myself seriously.....LOL

Memories...once upon a time I asked D to keep me on track and all I did was get mad at him...LOL....he's NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE........so there is that.....


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/06/2020:
oh my....how i love carbs and yes it goes along with sitting around lol!

congrats on the puppies how cute! i wish to get a dog and will one day, though right now is not the right time :)

lol, yeah, i guess we can really only rely on ourselves to stay on track ;)

bearcountrygg on 03/06/2020:
It's funny how I will bend over backwards for others...but won't do that for myself!!

bearcountrygg - Tuesday Mar 03, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

Once again I'm setting up a schedule for myself.......( with nothing actually holding my feet to the fire...I have been so quick to quit it in the past).......it is so much easier to quit something when there is no one else relying on me doing it...I guess I just quit on myself......and that needs to change.  My pep talk a couple of minutes ago to Donkey helped remind me of that.  That is why I love this place.....I have worked out so many mental things here just by writing them out..............

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/03/2020:
I'm an all or nothing person too.

Just keep trying and working on your schedule. schedules are meant to change and nothing is set in stone!

bearcountrygg on 03/03/2020:
My problem is if I fail at it one day i quit. I need to toughen myself up a bit and accept that every day won't be perfect...in fact every day will be flawed somewhere or other.....Thanks for the encouragement HOP!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/04/2020:
but you have NOT QUIT since you've been logging here ;) perseverence is on your side!

bearcountrygg on 03/04/2020:
My gut instinct tells me to start all over again though...instead of just keeping going from where I am.....I'm one of those people who ditches the whole project and needs to begin again anew..instead of just carrying on.....I frustrate myself.

bearcountrygg - Monday Mar 02, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

Well....I had always hoped that retirement was going to be fun and carefree.....but it seems that it isn't necessarily the way it is.  Less online and electronics in general........eating and an end to dieting....but.....I guess staying on top of things has to be a way of life for me..........

1.  Less electronics meant apparently more eating

2.  Less calorie counting equaled more sweet cravings

3.  Asthma and allergies equaled chest congestion which added to laziness which added to sweet cravings....

4.  Tight pants which are just TIGHT PANTS...what more can I say!

5.  Why when staying thin was so easy for 40 years...is it so difficult now?  Guess I can answer that myself......for 40 years food just wasn't interesting to me......now....it's AMAZING!!!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/02/2020:
I guess all because you retire from WORKING doesn't mean a retirement from ALL RESPONSIBILITIES! that's a wake-up call to me, actually!

to me it means that personally i get motivated when i have just enough to do but not overwhelming amounts. but i can be lazy when i don't have anything to do. it means that i should hope to want to work for most of my life as i'm able, as i think it'd keep me more focussed on my health outside of work!

bearcountrygg on 03/02/2020:
Yup.......as much as I would love to say that retirement is freedom......it's only freedom from getting up every morning and heading to the job and doing the reverse 8 or 9 hours later.....actually...I was so much better disciplined when my schedule was over filled...and yet i got it all done because I didn't waste any time.....now I've lost all manor of schedule and it seems like a free for all......all across the board.

legcramps on 03/02/2020:
Yes, I think the majority of us function well on a schedule or routine. I'm always better with my food choices during the week when i'm working than on the weekends that i'm off.

Maybe you need to start scheduling some errands into your days - with specific breaks in the day for meals and snacks. Even if you start doing that with one or two days in the week, and see if that makes a difference.

bearcountrygg on 03/02/2020:
I will be doing that Legs......I so have enjoyed retirement....but going from a full days schedule to total freedom has turned me into a slug. I guess it was fun while it lasted but it has not been very productive.....i admit...i do have a all or nothing at all attitude...which kind of kicks me in the butt...LOL

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/02/2020:
also 40 years ago, your metabolism was higher! more muscle mass. you were prob moving around so much more...also you were distracted by taking care of kids and working!

bearcountrygg on 03/02/2020:
Very true HOP!!!! Also I had a hysterectomy at 48 and I swear...other things were affected by that too......Instant menopause, a flare up of autoimmune problems.....I'm not sorry that I had it done but I also wish I had possibly put it off a little longer.

Donkey on 03/03/2020:
Recently, I've wondered what it would be like to be retired. I used to be a SAHM and when the kids were in school full time, it was a little like being retired.

As you know I've scheduled errands to do on weekends to keep productive. When my folks lived in the Wisconsin woods, kind of isolated, their "schedule" routine included walks.

From what I've been seeing, being post- menopausal has its own challenges. I feel like my own life has been dominated by hormone issues. Darned if you do, darned if you don't. But I do realize that when my time comes, I'll have to make adjustments, because without that estrogen, it's a whole new ballgame.

bearcountrygg on 03/03/2020:
Being in the woods does make things different....it takes away so many reasons to go out to eat, shopping, movies etc.....It should be peaceful yet we have a ton of flatlanders coming up to snowmobile and that happens 24 hours a day....here I guess the woods equals playground for tourists and just a isolated woods the rest of the time for those of us that live here..... Menopause is a real surprise actually....it lasts for years...hot flashes are miserable, lower estrogen equals chin hairs...LOL.....and emotional upheaval is rampant....kind of feels like the body is against our sanity......it's rough!!

bearcountrygg - Saturday Feb 29, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

I've been reading about everyone over the last few days...looks like everyone is fine here........and that's a great thing!

Spending a lot less time online has been a good thing for me because i can spend hours online and never get out of the chair.......but of course winter here makes that easier......tons of snow...looks like a couple of feet around the house.  We out and did the shopping for March a couple of days ago because I knew it was coming so that's done.

My days alternate between tight pants one days and loose pants the next.......LOL....bloating seems to be my new friend and I don't like her much!

Just got off the phone after almost 2 hours of chat with oldest son T.......He has always been somewhat of an old soul.......and very tuned into psychic type things.......today...his TV and satellite turned on by itself and a large decorative bottle moved several inches on a shelf and almost pushed a coin from his grandfather off the shelf....( the bottle was also from my Dad)......he has seen ghosts for years......and is sensitive to that sort of thing....what fun listening to his stories of what things that had been my parents are now doing in his house....a wooden well loved indian head plaque has not only turned completely around on the wall...it...should have just turned upside down...but instead made a full turn and mangled the hanger.......he works retail and 2 strangers recently went around asking for him and when they were directed to him...they wanted to pray for him.....another woman approached him recently stating that she knew he was born in february....and proceeded to tell him about his personality......a couple other people when he put his hand out to take their money gasped and said that he has a cross on his hand...and that was a sign of having a very old soul...so now...I guess I will go do some searching to see what all of this means.....( oh...and on his birthday...he was getting dressed...and stepped on something cold....it was a quarter with 1967 on it( on HIS BIRTHDAY...with his birth year)...in front of his closet.........well...guess I need to go read up on what it all means...but today he had the TV and moving bottle thing happen...LOL...

This all lead into a conversation of his difficult birth that he wasn't expected to live through......his exptremely high IQ ( 160)...and how they wanted to put him in 1st grade when he was 3 years old......We have always felt he was an old soul.....he spoke like an adult before his first birthday and used full sentences before he could walk....LOL...poor kid got our lack of coordination...LOL....so he was a roly poly baby with a huge vocabulary...LOL....anyway.......I also as wel;l as my Mom had somethings happen that we contributed to my dad after his passing.....that just didn't seem possible any other way...so we are probably all a bit psychic..........and I guess i should go and do some research....

And about food........I've found myself gravitating back to the sugar...so there is that!

Donkey on 03/01/2020:
I too believe in psychic connections! Some people are more sensitive to awareness of these connections.

bearcountrygg on 03/01/2020:
He always has been.

Donkey on 03/01/2020:
I meant to add that perhaps your son has this gift.

bearcountrygg on 03/01/2020:
He does...when he was working in Tennessee and staying in a hotel he saw a ghost in his room...and then found out it had been a sight of a mental hospital at one time and many had died there....I think he is getting some vibes from my Dad.

bearcountrygg - Friday Feb 21, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

I'm changing gears here......food is going really well.....concentrating on lots of different things that I want and need to do. 

Putting food at the end of my list of thoughts just because it works better for me........also cutting my stress levels and doing a lot of meditation and yoga and exercycle/rebounder.

I crave contentment and relaxation yet I tend to sabotage myself at times.....so I'm once again cutting back on all electronics just because I know they add to my sedentary hours and become a apparent reason to not be busy...

So...I will check in to see how you gals are doing from time to time.....


Donkey on 02/22/2020:
Yep I hear you! Ironically, I used to come home from sitting in front of a computer all day and spend more time on my laptop! Husband used to do this even more than me!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2020:
thanks for checking in!

i am in same boat, sometimes food is not the top priority!

bearcountrygg - Wednesday Feb 19, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

I'm starting today with a new attitude...........

I'm committed to doing things even if they are hard.  I'm committed to doing things even if I don't want to because I should.  I'm accepting that some things just have to be completed rather I want to or not.  Life does not have to be lived doing only the fun and easy.  Doing only the fun and easy leaves me feeling unfulfilled and empty.  Today....it's time for me to grow up...WOW...that took a long time...but it isn't too late.

I'm excited and ready to begin........

After writing the statements above....I got up and gathered all of the laundry, made the bed and then made breakfast........a much different picture than most days........no cropping the pic today.........sending the entire pic untouched.

Breakfast was 2 fried eggs over easy ( definately out of my comfort zone because I don't care for runny yolks), 1/4 of a roasted potato fried in 1 t. olive oil and a cup of coffee = 6 points and 226 cals.

Took a bath and washed my hair which by the way I have put off for the last 2 days...and it crossed my mind again today BUT,,,I refused to let myself off today...this is the day of DO....for me...and now I am glad!  Loaded the washer and getting things done...things that I have been putting off. 

Today I have an attitude of gratitude

Today I learn from the past but that just makes good changes sweeter

No excuses today....no reasons why...no putting things off

Today I make good things happen and then grow from there



innerpeace on 02/19/2020:
That is an awesome bowl of balls!

bearcountrygg on 02/19/2020:
LOL...adding a little life to the pics!!!

legcramps on 02/19/2020:
Love your posts, you are really kicking your own butt LOL. And I can relate to the washing of the hair. I waited two days as well and finally washed it last night LOL...and my hair is NOT pretty when I haven't washed it!

bearcountrygg on 02/19/2020:
It felt better once it got washed......laziness is not my friend...then I reminded myself it was butt kickin day and got it done....wish I didn't have to threaten myself...LOL

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/19/2020:
The project managment word for actually DOING the work is .... EXECUTION!!!!!!!!!!

so, you are executing your plan huh!!!

and you know what you do a lot, and all of us here, as project managers of our lives, when you execute, at the same time you have to MONITOR and CONTROL the plan so you stay on track! these two processes work together.

So, let's go...execute!!!

bearcountrygg on 02/19/2020:
Executing it today!!! YEAH!! And monitoring it too!!! I see you are picking up what the Project Manager class is laying down!!! GOOD WORK HOP!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/19/2020:
i love runny eggs ;)

bearcountrygg on 02/19/2020:
I made a concerted effort to break some of my rules.....and try something that I wasn't fond of....LOL...

bearcountrygg - Tuesday Feb 18, 2020
(WW points)
Weight: 0.0

I'm feeling the need to sit down today and decide just what it is that is most important to me to accomplish.  I did this at the beginning of the year ( or the end of 2019).....and put it into action...but found myself moving away from the schedule........I need to get back to that......so once again..I will sit down with pen and paper and tweek the plans........There is plenty to do...more than enough to keep me busy, yet....it can look overwhelming when I look at the big picture......it worked so much better when I broke things down into blocks of time....small bites that come together to make the whole work.  Where I get in my own way is not following the plan........there is a huge part of me that just wants to wing it...and that messes up the plan.

I am super happy with the decision to shop only once a month......and I'm looking forward to seeing what the last week or last few days of the month looks like supply wise........Growing up in a family that had what we needed...but were savers.....no matter what it meant that we ate.....growing up with grandparents that could feed a family of nine with just a few bags of cornmeal, flour, sugar and a chicken.......and a little rice.......showed me that it is entirely possible to survive in a way that is a lot less stressful and a lot more simple.  Of course we have higher standards today.........but is the happiness higher or lower today?  I wonder. 

I feel so fortunate that I have had so many oportunities to see so many sides of life in my time on earth.  I spent so much of my childhood and early adult years in the inner city.....in some very dangerous areas, yet we survived and thrived anyway.  I grew up with several adults that made it work while working towards bettering our lives and figuring out how to keep ourselves on a path to happiness as well as security.  I had dirt poor grandmas that I adored...parents who wanted better.....and a husband and partner who had a goal and a dream.......and I now realize that in my old age...I have many people to thank for teaching me so much.  I owe all of them a huge thank you for being such a great example of hard work and commitment and drive .........and the best way I can thank them ( aside from telling them in person or looking to the sky with a silent prayer)....is to take what I have learned and put it to use...........it's too easy to be complacent and want without putting in the work...when those around me have provided so much.  I need to kick my own butt....I need to make my own life more rewarding.....my job really is so simple.....yet.....I put things off.......I like to sit down too much......I like to live the easy, sedentary, and lazy life.  I am a person who has not expected a lot from myself...even though...I have had many wonderful examples of hard work..........I sat back.........I enjoyed the spoils......and I gave myself a pass to be lazy............now.........I find that very unfullfilling........I want more from myself....I have lots of things to do....that need to be done........and the fact that I keep putting them off until another day is causing me to be quite unhappy with myself.  I need to put what I know into use....get off my butt and get to work.  I like things a certain way but I lack the desire to actually do them....I guess I want them to happen magically.  Unfortunately I like perfection and if I can't do something perfectly....I often don't start.......That is a perfect example of OCD.....guilty!!!!!  What I have been ignoring is that if I never start......nothing will ever be perfect either.  Today.......I kick my OCD in the butt and get to work...all across the board.......just because....I have to.

Last night I found a bag of Jif peanut powder unopened in a bin......It expired in April 2016....today....I added it to my Fage 0% yogurt........it looked normal and while I can't say it tasted great.....it was fine.....added a good source of protein....and I will continue to use it up.....the fact that it didn't taste great was not because it was old and expired...it was because I have never loved peanut powder...no mold or sign of deterioration.......just something that never tasted good.......I'm going to keep eating this until it's gone...it provides nourishment....and that is all that is necessary........I still have WW even though I have not been motivated by it lately......it was low cal, high nutrition and I spent precious money on it and I will be eating it until it's gone......I need to teach myself some lessons now.

Glucose was great this morning at 95

Breakfast = coffee, 1/2 cup Fage 0% mixed with 3T of jif powdered peanuts = 2 WW points and 132 calories


Donkey hit the nail on the head.....it isn't laziness...it's anxiety,  I have tendencies of several anxiety behaviors....and while i have known it myself....i may have never voiced them out loud!

1.  Agoraphobia...while I can go out in public and I do....and I can enjoy it...as long as I know I can leave if I want to.....it started with morning sickness back in 1966 with my first pregnancy.

2.  Fear of running out of food......it started in 1999 with the coming of 2000 and the possibility that the world would somehow change...so I stocked up on excess food ( I had never done that before)........and it continues today with a grocery stockpile for emergencies.  I guess you could call it food hoarding.  From 1966 until 1999 we often got low on food but never missed a meal...and I didn't care.

3.  Fear of running out of things to do........this is rediculous just because it is!!!!  But it's real...I hate the feeling of being in a hotel room...because there is little to do...it is similar to staying at my Mothers while caring for her...her house...her rules, very little of my own things there.  Sometimes I leave things undone...just so that everything is unfinished...really rediculous and I know that!  And the fact is...there is LITERALLY no way I could ever run out of things to do!

4.  Fear of succeeding at anything...because when you succeed at something the bar changes and you have to maintain it and that feels like pressure without the fun of getting there.

It's funny....for so many years I woke up to an alrm clock buzzing...and would hit the snooze button for just 5 more minutes of sleep....trying to put off starting my day.......then retirement happened and no need for an alarm clock.....so i get up when I feel like it..and it usually about the time we got up for work years ago.......and when i put myself on a mandatory schedule now...just one of my own making.....I want to once again hit the snooze button...and not get up.....there is something about HAVING to do something that makes me uncomfortable...that necessity of it....makes me want to rebel...unless of course I can make it a FUN THING instead of a HAVE TO THING...that makes all of the difference for me.  I think I just bought a clue........I have to make everything fun...or a challenge that I enjoy...so that I can do it....without issues that make me want to head for that rocking chair.

JUST CAUGHT MYSELF REVERTING BACK TO AN OLD BAD HABIT WHICH WAS MINDLESS EATING!!!!!  So as a reminder to myself....i just ate without barely thinking about it...anxiety???????   I would say so!

So as a reminder to myself....I had to think back to what i just ate....and almost had to go to the trash to see what it was....but finally remembered.....1 mozzarella stick, 2 beef sticks, 1 built bar and 1 RX bar

GEEZE......am I a sick puppy!!!

I can see what I need to do.......I need to stay busy and get things done while making it fun.......sometimes I love a challenge and this will be one of those times.  Going back to my beginning of the year lists and making it happen........I will use some self control and get myself back on a schedule where I belong........fears/anxieties will just need to be managed because being a slacker like I am right now makes me nervous and anxious too....so better to be busy than idle and still dealing with it.   Putting this all down in writing has been a huge help today...Thanks Donkey for making it easier.

Dinner was roasted chicken, roasted potato with a little butter......



Donkey on 02/18/2020:
Are you sure it's laziness? I procrastinate with certain projects too but my issue is more anxiety based. I get just so overwhelmed by some tasks that I can't even get started.

bearcountrygg on 02/18/2020:
I think mine is OCD....and just sitting down and doing nothing seems to be the way i deal with it......I think the program hoarders is really about OCD as much as anything. Kind of a attitude that if I can't make it perfect I just won't do it. I agree...I'm probably not as lazy as I am challenged with asthma.....and hypo thyroid....I probably shouldn't call it lazy even though that is what it feels like. I'm glad that you picked up on that!!!!!!It does make me think a bit further as to why I have fallen down this rabbit hole. One thing that happened a few days ago was that I walked to the mailbox in some bitter cold...and ended up wheezing and huffing and puffing for several minutes...and I will admit that is scared me.......so the next day....i decided to rest myself....the entire walk there and back...i chose to remind myself what a beautidful snowy day it was, how crisp and clean and how happy I was to be outside in it....and there was no huffing and puffing at all....( yet I'm still wheezy and am every winter)...I think I psych myself out and fall into attitude traps.....I think you are correct...it's anxiety that I cause myself with my own self talk...Thank you for noticing that!!!!!

bearcountrygg on 02/18/2020:
I know you are right Donkey.....I'm a rocker...my rocking chair is my safe place....it's anxiety for sure......I guess my rocker has made it too easy to just "be safe"..........it IS ANXIETY! Putting this label on it will help me to conquer it!!!

legcramps on 02/18/2020:
This is such an awesome post, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. And how cool to be able to put a name to what you are feeling - ANXIETY! Just love these moments of clarity we are given from time to time. Shuffle, rest, reset.

bearcountrygg on 02/18/2020:
It is anxiety......and all along I thought I was lazy!!! It took someone else to point it out to me...and I'm so glad she did....I so appreciate all you ladies!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/18/2020:
well, i would have to say it's easy to fall into bad habits.

my morning habits are at an all time low right now...i do need to be more energetic in the mornings...get up without pressing snooze.

but the weirdest thing has happened to me over the course of these years - i seem to need MORE AND MORE sleep to the point where i can sleep 12 hours easily on the weekend from 9am-9pm is this OK!?

i also will prob not buy powdered PB again...it's not a strong flavor..

bearcountrygg on 02/18/2020:
It is way too easy to revert back to what was easy. Sleep is funny...excess sleep can be an escape....depression can cause extra sleep.....taking sleep meds can cause it too. If you get yearly bloodwork done the doctor may be able to pinpoint something like anemia. The powdered peanuts to me aren't good even when mixed with water....( I bought it as a source of low cal protein)...but I hear that when mixed with maple syrup instead it is delicious......I will try that soon.

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