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borntocry - Sunday Apr 04, 2010

Weight: 0.0

borntocry - Sunday Mar 30, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for your comments - they really do mean a lot to me. Unfortunately I will probably never be able to come back here - not with any regularity, at least. I decided to take the job in Versailles. Well, I had already "taken" it, so to speak, but I decided not to try to get out of it so I could take the one nearer to me. I just know I'm going to regret this decision because, like some of you've said, the commute is going to get old really soon. There's just no better way to put it. I'll be on the train so I can read and stuff but the job starts a lot earlier than I'm used to as well so it's going to mean getting up an hour and a half earlier than usual in the morning and that's going to be hard on me and my husband. Plus I'm just not very productive in the morning so I don't know how great I'll be at this job if I'm falling asleep at my desk for half the day. But the job interests me more than the other one so I made this choice. I'm still not sure it's the right one but if not, well, it needn't be forever.

To get back to the original subject of this diary, I weighed myself a couple of days ago and was around 111 lb. Which is not bad considering that I haven't been able to give much thought to my diet at all lately. I've been doing a rough estimate of my daily calories and according to that I'm still under 2000 most days. I've only been running two or three times a week at most and doing my weight-lifting maybe once or twice a week. But still that's better than letting it slide completely. However, I feel sad that I have been able to spend so little time on myself. Keep in mind that I don't have kids so it's not like I have anyone else to think about.

I am filled with fear and confusion about my new job, wondering if I made the right choice, not just about this job in particular but my entire career! I had a chat with a receptionist at the office near me who told me she worked for a temp agency, and I instantly started thinking about what a good idea that was and how I should also just sign up with a temp agency. Then I was watching Third Rock from the Sun and started thinking that I should go back to school, get my PhD and become a professor. And then I've also been thinking about how I wish I could open a little diner here in Paris. I'm just all over the place lately.

And then there's my husband, who's practically going through a nervous breakdown at the moment. He wants to quit basketball, quit his job, and quit studying for the exam he's supposed to be taking in June. I think he's just really freaked out about the exam but it's affecting every aspect of his life.

And on top of all this, we're both also sick with a nasty bout of sinusitis. My husband is always sick with a cold or a cough or something, and I always end up catching it from him.

As for my blood tests, I haven't even bothered to go get those done yet. I just don't have the motivation. I don't think it's anything too urgent, though - just that I may have some thyroid or hormone imbalance. But doesn't everyone?

mmuraro on 03/30/2008:
Yes, everyone does! But go see it and take care of it. Have you ever taken a Bikram (hot) yoga class? My friend was living in Paris and found a studio there. I think that would end your sinus problems. I get sick all the time (cold, etc) but when I practiced Bikram I didn't get sick for over a year. I think the steam helps a lot. Maybe you and him could try that together. It's really good for stress too.

Anyway, I wish you luck on your new job. Your body will adapt with the waking up earlier, but you should try to go to bed earlier too. Also, commuting is not fun, but you can learn on how to take a good use of that time for yourself. Write a journal, read, have your meals in the train, etc. I have faith you'll adapt and won't consider that a loss of time.

Good luck. xoxo.

mcwoo40 on 03/30/2008:
Best of luck in your new job,Julie

biscottibody59 on 03/30/2008:
What? No! Everyone doesn't (normally) have a hormone imbalance. If you think that you're ill, get it taken care of. Otherwise keep on keepin' on.

I think this is a good decision--you made it, so it can't be all bad, right?!? And I was going to ask you about a temp service earlier--I forgot! Sounds like if the job does take it all out of you, and your husband gets all pouty about the change in lifestyle (especially if YOU'RE loving every minute of it;-), you can easily switch gears! A change of scenery--sounds exciting to me. (Yeah I need to get out more--haha!)

I wish you all the best as usual!

thinnsidenotout on 03/30/2008:
BTC: Do'nt fool around with the thyroid or any other hormonal imbalance.. You may think cause it is a familiar diagnosis that it is not all that important, but it is and can effect your whole physical being and cause great troubles in the longrun....I know...I ignored my thyroid and was not the wiser for doing so... I now take thyroid replacement daily...It is no big deal to do, just had to get used to doing it every day, about like brushing teeth, showering,getting out of bed, etc....

Please go get those tests..... Have a good weekend and Take Care!

Beth201P on 03/30/2008:
Best of luck at your new job. Yes...you need to take care of yourself and get those tests done. Hope you both are feeling better real soon. (((Hugs)))

jon'smom on 03/30/2008:
I hope everything works out for you and your husband. Hang in there!

geevee on 03/30/2008:
The prince is running true to form since you made your decision. It's not about the exam, or basketball or his job. He's reacting as he always has.Soon you'll be hearing that it's all your fault that he lost his job or failed the exam. Whatever. All the responsibility will be shifted onto you. This is his way of reacting to anything he doesn't like.

I hope it doesn't happen, but I bet he'll do his best to make your life Hell, esp. when you're wiped out from working and the long commute and pass out early in the evening instead of staying up late like you are accustomed to doing. He'll find some way to make noise so you can't sleep.

Geez! I sure hope I'm wrong!

So, enjoy your new job and let the prince learn how to be more self-sufficient.

mylifechanges on 03/30/2008:
I hope everything works out with your new job BTC! Maybe you'll come to like the long commute. I know that sounds crazy, but I always loved my long drive to work a few years ago. It was nice to have that extra time to myself in the mornings before actually having work responsibilities. :) Keep us posted!!

legcramps on 03/30/2008:
Now you're sounding a lot more like me - I think I change my objectives in life almost every day. I think that you've made the best possible choice you could. You'll most definitely see change in your life because of it, but at the very least you'll have the opportunity to experience something a little out of the 'box'. If it gives your character a boost, then what's the problem, right? If it makes you see things clearer and helps you to understand what it is that you really want out of life, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with making these choices. The fact that you already made this hard decision says a lot about your character and morals. Keep challenging yourself BTC and you'll see that you CAN in fact do anything you set your mind to. And if that means this new job won't last because it wasn't what you were looking for, well, so be it. Learn from it and move on.

This is all the advice I should be giving myself. Geez, I wish someone like me would tell me the same things!!! Now I sound egotistical. But hey, life is what we make it and if you don't go for it you may just end up regretting it. I'm proud of you as i've said many times over :) and I think you'll do well with anything you decide to conquer. I hope that you will still be able to log on here and let us know how you're doing - I do look forward to hearing from you! Take care BTC.

yaz on 04/02/2008:
Don't worry about the job. Start and give it 3 months, if you're not happy then move on. Don't stress about whether or not you made the right decision if you find out you didn't then just look for another one. In the end you shouldn't stress yourself out more than necessary it makes life so stressful.

Soon2BThin on 04/06/2008:
I hope you're feeling better by now. Thanks for caring about me. I made a short entry explaining everything. Take care.

legcramps on 04/17/2008:
Hey BTC, just checking in on you again. Hope everything is going well for you right now with your new job and everything. Well Wishes!!! :)

sweetpea1977 on 04/23/2008:
Hey BTC,

Ive been thinking of you a lot lately. Ihope the new job is going well. I am sad that you wont be able to devote as much time to this site, but if this job makes you happy, then it is all worth it!

sweetpea1977 on 04/23/2008:
Dang, I wasnt finished, but somehow my son hit the "enter" button (feeding him and typing with 1 hand at the moment). Anyway, I wanted to add that Ive been thinking about my future career as well. Listen to your heart and do what it says. Going back to school will cost lots of money (which is what I want to do), but being poor and happy for a few years is much better than being wealthy and miserable for the rest of your life!

Give us an update whenever you can (on a weekend perhaps?!)

Miss you!


legcramps on 05/20/2008:
Just popping in to say hello, BTC. Missing your entries and since i've started up running again it's got me thinking about you. Hope you're doing well - nothing but the best life possible!!! :):):) Take care, girl.

legcramps on 05/27/2008:
Howdy :o)>< ... 'sup??!

Soon2BThin on 05/27/2008:
Miss you, BTC!! I hope everything is going well for you!

legcramps on 06/07/2008:
AWE...... COME BACK!!!!!

legcramps on 06/19/2008:

legcramps on 07/10/2008:
Hey BTC, wanted to drop you a line just to let you know i'm still thinking of you and I hope you're doing alright and are healthy and happy and content! Please let us know how you're doing!!

legcramps on 07/23/2008:
Just me again!

legcramps on 09/26/2008:

legcramps on 11/14/2008:
Hey BTC, thanks for commenting on my journal entries. I haven't been on here much lately, just trying to scrape by and live as well as I can! Hope you get a chance to come by again - if you do, make sure to leave another comment for me! Later girl!

legcramps on 01/20/2009:
Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year's! How's the job going?

~Moody~ on 06/11/2011:
Don't know if you ever look at this or not, but for some reason I've been thinking about you!!! Would love to see a post from ya~You were one of my favorites here, and from the looks of it, I'm not alone in that sentiment~Hugs from West Virginia!!

sweetpea1977 on 07/05/2011:
I miss you!!!!

biscottibody59 on 07/19/2011:
I know you don't haunt these pages anymore--or do you??? At any rate, I channeled you and your running spirit when I ventured out on a jog/walk program for the first time in a long time. I made it through pretty well--kinda shocked myself! I have had a couple of crappy/iffy years trying to get myself back to some nebulous, pie-in-the-sky level of fitness and you were always a great inspiration being someone who pushed herself forward--I always appreciated that!

Hope life is good for you and all your family--take good care of yourself BTC!

borntocry - Thursday Mar 27, 2008

Weight: 0.0

I am going crazy. The company right around the corner from me just made me an offer. The head-hunter who put me in contact with them is calling incessantly to put pressure on me to accept the job. However, the people at the place in Versailles are expecting me to start work on Monday! I don't know how I got myself into this situation. I have until eleven o' clock tomorrow to give the head-hunter a definitive response.

In the meantime I went to see my doctor today and now I have to take fifteen blood tests and an ultrasound.

The only bright point of the day was when I helped an old woman cross the street this morning. She thanked me and then she asked what I was doing out of school. She thought I was 16!!

thinnsidenotout on 03/27/2008:
Dr.s have a way of getting that blood & $$$ do'nt they..... Sorry to hear of your dilemma's.... Hope you can make a peacful decision....

I love older people...They can make me smile so quickly... I get such a kick out of my g'ma (89) sometimes and the things she says (how she says some of them from her day, just does'nt mean the same thing these days..OOpsies sometimes!) Glad to hear that you had a tender heart to help that woman..MOre people need to be like that.... That's what I mean by setting out to help people and you get more out of it by doing, instead of looking for what you could get out of it...She thought you were "16"..... that made you smile!

Kuddos to you! Hope your day gets brighter....

shadetree on 03/27/2008:
I would just love to be carded again! That hasn't happened in years! I'm sure that made your day!

Versailles vs. right around the corner...I know you were really excited about the Verssilles job, but you were not terribly thrilled about the commute. When did you interview for the job right around the corner? I think you need to just sit down and make a list of the pros and cons of both jobs, and then see which one outweighs the other...

Fifteen blood tests and an ultrasound? Sounds like they don't have a clue and are trying to rule out a whole bunch of things...(Or is it maybe a chem-12 - which is 12 tests run basically at once and a couple other ones? This is a routine test as is a CBC, lipid profile, tsh...)

I'm anxious to hear what you decide on the job front! Have a good Friday!

Beth201P on 03/27/2008:
I go to the casino here and I get carded each and everytime. LOL It is a pain, but nice sometimes. Good luck on your choice. I know it is hard sometimes to know what to do. I wish I could be of help in that area, but you have to make the choice for yourself. I know you will make the right choice that is best for you. Have a great evening.

mylifechanges on 03/27/2008:
hey BTC!! So I've been catching up on your entries, and you have SO much going on in your life girl! dang. It made me smile to read about Versailles...I visited there years ago as a teen...it's nice to read about the possibility of your job there. Keep us updated on what you decide!

Donkey on 03/28/2008:
I had a job where the commute was 1.5 hours one way. So instead of working 8-10 hours, I was actually working 11-13 hours (to and fro). That's really hard when you have kids, but since you do not, it might work out. Would you drive or take the train/bus? If you don't have to drive, you can use that time to sleep, read, write, etc. But I would caution you from my own experience that the commute gets old really quick.

Then again, a long commute is becoming the norm for people here in the States. I know many men whose one-way commute is 2 hours with no complaints. We moved because my Husband couldn't stand the 40 minute commute. And I have to admit that my commute is 10 minutes. Very handy when running late.

I hope your doctor will have some answers for you soon. :-(

geevee on 03/28/2008:
My first job was the only one that was a scant 5 min. away and it was WONDERFUL to be able to sleep a bit later in the morning. That lasted only a year. From then on it was always a 30-40 min. drive each way and was a pain.

Sure, if you commute on a train you'd be able to catch up on your reading; perhaps even sleep, but as someone commented, it gets old fast.

You'll just have to go by your intuition when you make the decision. Look at how lucky you are to not have one, but two job offers! So many people can't even get one! Good for you!

legcramps on 03/28/2008:
I remember helping an older lady with her groceries one day. I was driving around with my boyfriend and this poor lady was struggling with her bags. I asked my boyfriend to stop, and jumped out of the car to help her. She was quite paranoid about me - she probably thought I wanted to steal her purse or something - but eventually she let me carry her bags for her. She only had a block left to walk to get to her apartment building, but she thanked me anyways. It felt good, helping her for no other reason than because she looked like she needed help.

Maybe those 'bright points' of your days are really the only ones worth looking forward to.

borntocry - Tuesday Mar 18, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Hi guys! Oh, you wouldn't believe how much better I felt after reading all your comments. It was like just knowing you all were thinking of me and wishing me well made me feel so much more relaxed and confident. I can't thank you enough!

So, since you all have been so helpful, I hope you won't mind if I take advantage of your patience to elaborate on my job situation. The thing about the job in Versailles is that it really did seem like the ideal job for me. It would mean being the head of the I.T. department for a women's website on organic living. Doesn't that sound just perfect for me? You can see the website (though it's in French) at http://www.femininbio.com. It's run by a bunch of women and they all seem really friendly - they even have a small team of runners and have invited me to run in a race with them in September! In fact, they really loved me and offered me the job almost instantly, at a salary higher than what I had asked for (about 50% more than what I'm earning now).

Now for the negative. Naturally, the over-an-hour commute (each way) is not to be scoffed at. And just when I had managed to persuade myself that it might not be so bad, I found out that the working hours at this place are also very different from what I am used to. Basically, I would have to leave home an hour and a half earlier than I do now! As my husband instantly pointed out, that would change our whole schedule as I'd have to get up way earlier than him.

But what really drove the point home to me was my last interview - it was at a place almost literally around the corner from me! And the people there seemed reasonably nice as well. Of course, the job itself wasn't quite as thrilling, but then it's hard to get excited about financial products. I still have to go in for a technical test on Friday and there's no knowing if I'll pass that, but if I do and they offer me the job, then what? I've already signed a pre-contract with the place in Versailles. I couldn't help it - they were really pressuring me to make a decision.

thinnsidenotout on 03/18/2008:
Decisions Descisions..... You will know the right one to make when the time comes... Just make sure to weigh ALL options of both and see which allows you time to devote to the important things in life (family/home)....

GOod Evening & I pray that the desicion you do make, puts you at peace...

smiley2 on 03/19/2008:
Hey Alia, sometimes its not about taking the most glamerous job, but the job that suits your lifestyle the best and of course that pays well. I had the same situation here in the Middle East you remember? I got offered a great job, high pay, but long hours etc, so opted for a fair pay, 4 day a week job that suit my schedule better. At the end of the day you wouldnt want your new job to create stress for your home life and you know what is reasonable or not. Good luck and follow your heart, but consult your head too! Wx

biscottibody59 on 03/19/2008:
Pick the one that you can best tell (at the moment) you won't have regretted taking a year from now--forget the commute--unless it's going to turn your husband into a bear day in and day out!

yaz on 03/19/2008:
ahhh signing is bad! but oh well it's prob for the best. next time tho don't sign anything you should be a free bird and choose as you please... glad to hear you're doing great though. keep it up. and good luck on your test, you'll do better than pass!!

legcramps on 03/19/2008:
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well" - Josh Billings knows what he's talking about, CTB. I mean, BTC. Weigh your choices well.

CritterMom on 03/20/2008:
I'm assuming your husband works close to where you now live? Would it be possible to move to a place that is half-way between the two jobs? Then your Versailles job wouldn't be quite so far away, and he'd be getting up about the same time as you (as he'd have a bit farther to go). Just a thought.

Runner on 03/20/2008:
Dear BTC! Wow, a lot has happened since I checked the DD's! I hardly know what to say, and I don't know if any of my advice would even be helpful. So I'll just stay tuned and hope that you update us all with your decision about the job!! That website on organic living sounds sooo neat...but such a long commute would probably get real old, real fast! Well, I wish you the best...

biscottibody59 on 03/21/2008:
Thanks for the Birthday wish!

On your comment--I hate having to choose between two things like your job situation. And I have had a similar experience where two jobs were offered simultaneously. I'd like to say the one I chose was the best choice, but I'll never know. Weird to think back on that now:-)

borntocry - Monday Mar 17, 2008

Weight: 0.0

It seems like years since I last logged on here. I can't believe it's been only two weeks. Two weeks of neverending stress. First, the job interviews. I got an offer almost immediately, for a job I really wanted. But it's based in Versailles, which is over an hour away, so I continued interviewing at other places while I considered this offer.

At the same time I had to clean my apartment from top to bottom in preparation for my friend's visit. The visit itself went pretty well - she stayed for four days and we had quite a nice time. However I was too exhausted after she left to do anything special for my birthday on Sunday. I had just a few hours to relax at home alone with my husband before facing another week of interviews and stress. I've had no time to go running, no time for weight-lifting, no time for cooking - but of course plenty of time to stuff my face with junk food and gain 5 lb.

Then one of my brothers announced that he's getting married next month - in Pakistan. I can't even get into that at the moment. Suffice it to say that my whole family will excommunicate me if I miss this wedding. So since I'll be starting a new job and won't be able to take any time off, I'm probably going to have to fly halfway across the world to spend a weekend dodging terrorists and then get back in for work on Monday.

And something crazy seems to be happening to me - I'm practically in a coma all night long and still can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, only to spend the entire day falling asleep at my desk. Which, coming from a life-long insomniac, is really bizarre.

And the worst part is that there's no end to all of this, because if I sign that contract I'm going to be starting my new job in two weeks, and after that I'm going to be spending all day either at work or on the train to and from work, and there's never going to be any time for anything any more - no exercise, no cooking, no time with my husband, no time for you guys, no time to myself, nothing. I'll never even be able to pass by my old office to say hello to my former co-workers 'cause I'll be stuck out there in Versailles. My whole life as I know it is going to be over.

biscottibody59 on 03/17/2008:
Happy Belated BD! (I knew it was somewhere around this time:-)

Ugh on the sleep problem--sleep apnea perhaps? I used to be fine with poor sleep habits--that ship sailed a couple of years ago--haha!

mmuraro on 03/17/2008:
Hey, good hearing from you. Maybe the sleep was just your body exhausted after all the emotional stress. I hope things work out for you and maybe if you do take the versailles job. you can adapt and make a plan to have a productive time at the train or something. Try to hang in there. Hugs.

Umpqua on 03/17/2008:
Belated Happy Birthday Alia! I know I've been missing in action for forever, but I happened to check in today. I'm sorry your life is so stressful right now. As someone who made a long commute to work for several years (1 hour 20 minutes each way if I was lucky), I have to ask how important this job is? Can you hold out for something closer? After making that commute for several years I felt like I had no time for anything else. I did take walks on my lunch break and would come home and exercise at night sometimes, but it was rough. Not a lot of time for healthy cooking or anything else for that matter. We made some sacrifices, but my husband and I found we were SO much happier working closer to home, so if there's any alternative for you, that might be a better option.

Pretty nervy of me to pipe in with advice after all this time, eh? Oh well, I'm pregnant and can't keep my mouth shut :) I hope it all works out for you and you get some calmness in your life, at least until your brother's wedding.

Umpqua on 03/17/2008:
P.S. Just saw your comment to me. This baby is a surprise too. But we both think it's a girl so I've just been referring to Sprout as "she" in my journal. We can't agree on a boy's name so we'll be in for a big surprise if it's another boy.

sweetpea1977 on 03/17/2008:
I knew I forgot something! I hate that I forgot your birthday!! Stupid illnesses!! :o) Happy belated birthday! Just to let you know, its never too late to celebrate a birthday, so treat yourself!!

I totally agree with Umpqua on the job situation. Please think long and hard about the pros and cons about the Versailles offer before making a decision.

Sending happy thoughts your way...

geevee on 03/17/2008:
It sure sounds like you talked yourself out of that job at Versailles. Money isn't anything. Believe me! With your credentials, you most assuredly can find a good job closer to where you live. Be patient.

Beth201P on 03/17/2008:
Happy belated Birthday. Hey I agree with geevee money is not everything you have to look at the pros and cons of this job and see if it is really worth it. I wish you the best. Have a good day.

greengirl on 03/17/2008:
Belated Happy Birthday, BTC !!! I'm so sorry to hear of the stress you are under at the moment. I have an hours commute every morning and evening and find the best way to cope with it is to read while listening to my ipod. I hate having to use public transport but have no alternative. As regards the sudden change in your sleeping habits , it sounds a bit strange. You're not anaemic or something are you?? Time to look after yourself, my friend !! And dont start worrying about Pakistan until you have to!!!!

feeleebubs on 03/18/2008:
I'll join in and say HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

Keep interviewing. If you honestly feel like you won't be happy at this job, then you don't want to take it right away. Be sure to mention that you've had a job offer when you go to the other interviews. That way the interviewers know that you are in high demand and if they want you, they better get on it fast. You will find something that fits. I am sure. Maybe mention the wedding next month in your interview and hint at possibly taking a couple days...does it matter if they are unpaid or not? If not, suggest taking them unpaid if you feel like traveling just for the weekend is going to be too stressfull. You never know.

mmuraro on 03/18/2008:
if i get a 4-pack i am happy already hehehe. im in atlanta, everything is fine here and we have had beautiful weather since saturday night. scary though. are you feeling any better? hugs.

borntocry - Tuesday Mar 04, 2008

Weight: 108.2

The Good News
(1). I ran a half-marathon in under two hours - yay!!!
(2). I haven't gone overboard with calories - 2200 on Saturday, 2100 on Sunday and 1350 yesterday.
(3). I spent the whole day Saturday updating my CV and applying for dozens of jobs.
(4). I spent several hours scrubbing the oven and its accessories and have also reorganised all my clothes and books.

The Bad News
(1). I haven't done my weight-lifting in over a week now.
(2). I didn't drink any water yesterday.
(3). I am getting depressed and stressed out about my job situation.
(4). My friend is coming on Thursday and I still have loads of cleaning to do...

thinnsidenotout on 03/04/2008:
1:)Good Job!....2:)Good Job!....3:)Good Job!....4:)Good Job!

1:)You ran a marathon for crying out loud!...You will start it again and be fine....2:)Well, really not so good!....3:)Go lift weights to destress a bit...4:) I think that is how most of us women feel when friends are coming over...friends come to visit you, not your house....just do what you can and be happy to spend time with your friend...

HAVE a great day....Hang in there!

mmuraro on 03/04/2008:
Well, there's a balance between the good and bad, so you can't really be depressed. Just be like: :-| hahahahaha. Tomorrow is a new day, girl. And be patient while looking for a job, it's not something you get in a week, but the more you search, the faster you get it. A whole new marathon for you. :)

Donkey on 03/05/2008:
About the job situation... There's only so much you can do about that. I nearly drove myself crazy in 2006 trying to do that, control an uncontrollable job situation. I don't recommend doing it. You're on the right track. You gotta keep on trying and applying -- you'll hit "pay dirt" sooner or later.

WTG on the 1/2 marathon!!! (again)

MsKitty on 03/06/2008:
Hey I am in the same boat right now about the hole job seeking situation... Hang in there I know we'll find something. If worry were an effective weight-loss program, women would be invisible.

legcramps on 03/06/2008:
I have no advice to offer but simply to tell you that I know how you feel. Seriously? I know how you feel. Your friend will cheer you up... that's what they're around for, right?!

yaz on 03/06/2008:
I think your goods outweigh your bads..... cheer up! I can only dream of running a mile let alone a marathon! Great job!!!

legcramps on 03/07/2008:
Hello? :)

smiley2 on 03/09/2008:
Hi Alia! Its so great to see you again on here! How are you?? I will be catching up on your entries in the next few days! Wx

greengirl on 03/09/2008:
BTC you are an amazing person !!!

sweetpea1977 on 03/17/2008:

Its been a while since you've posted (yes, I've been watching you). I hope all is well. I've been quite busy myself with illnesses and mommyhood, but I think Im finally regaining control of my health again. I hope to be posting more often, since Im in a better frame of mind now. Dont be a stranger!

Miss ya!

borntocry - Sunday Mar 02, 2008

Weight: 107.8

Hey guys! I did it!! In 01:54:31!!

Thank you, everyone, for your comments! I didn't have any problems running under someone else's name. But she had signed up in the pink group - those aiming to finish in 2:10. My goal was to break 2 hours, which would put me in the green group. That was my group the first two times I race this race. Not that I actually finished in 2 hours either of those times. But this time I had to line up with the pink group. I didn't think it would make much difference but when I checked my time at the 1K mark I was almost 2 minutes off my target pace (7 minutes instead of 5:30). That might not seem like a big deal but obviously if I had continued at that pace I would have taken way over 2 hours. So I panicked and sprinted the next kilometre like a maniac. Everyone was staring at me. But I made up my time and reached the 2K mark on target - 11 minutes. After that I just kept up a steady pace. When I reached the halfway point in 55 minutes, I knew I would easily break 2 hours. Which is really unlike me - to be so confident. But I just wasn't tired at all. It's normally at that point in the race that the enormity of my undertaking hits me like a ton of bricks.

Shortly after this I caught sight of the official pace-setters for the green group - the group aiming to finish in 2 hours. But of course, I was in the pink group, so I had started well after them. It was then that I knew that I was on pace to finish quite a bit under my target time. So I hung around them for a while, but then I thought, how cool would it be if I could actually overtake them, just for a bit? Then I could tell my husband that at one point I was actually in front of the pace-setters for the green group. So I overtook them, fully expecting them to catch back up eventually. But they never did! I actually took my husband by surprise at the finish line because he wasn't expecting me for another 2-3 minutes! He didn't even have time to get the camera out!

Neither of us could believe my spectacular time. Although it's not so impressive compared to someone like Runner, who actually wins these things, or my husband's co-worker (who finished in 1:35), it was way beyond my wildest expectations. To put it into perspective, the first time I ran this race, I did it in 2:09. And the second time, my best time up until now, was 2:02. So in the last two years, I've cut 15 minutes off my time. No small feat! If I say so myself!

Or, in the words of my husband, I "whupped some hiz-ass"!!

Oh and don't worry, I have been drinking water all day today... probably not as much as anyone else who ran 13 miles, but a lot for me!

leeumom on 03/02/2008:
Congrats! And look at you---------down again! Keep it up.

starlight on 03/02/2008:
Alright! Way to go!!!

shadetree on 03/02/2008:
YAY! Way to go!

workingit2 on 03/02/2008:
Congratulations. =)

mmuraro on 03/02/2008:
Wow, that's a great time too! Congratulations!!!

Donkey on 03/02/2008:
OMGosh that's awesome!!! I'm so impressed -- and proud!! You should be too! Wow what a feeling that must be!!!

biscottibody59 on 03/02/2008:
Good going BTC!

Of course I'm as interested in the intrigue (if there was any) of using a someone else's entry--no glitches I guess? I'm interested in how it compared to other races for you--which one is this, your 5th or 6th half-m?

Drink a little (water)--so you don't get dehydrated;-) Have a great afternoon!

biscottibody59 on 03/02/2008:
Yep, that David Bowie song was what I was thinking!

What a great experience, and I must say that modesty is NOT in order--you are an inspiration and great example to anyone who wants to run races or for fitness or whatever. I'm glad it all worked out with the entry--bummer for those "bandits" though!

You're certainly a great example for me!

Oh, on the deficit: I use Fitday of course. I count my sleep under activities which removes a couple hundred or so calories from the "burned," though I only started doing it to keep up with sleep as a reminder. (It sucks to put yourself in the hole from the outset--anyway . . .) So other than that it's just the deficit from Fitday numbers. When I have to start mowing, I'll probably count that, but I'm only counting deliberate activity of a "fitness" nature. No fair counting housework, long phone calls, etc--haha!

To maintain my weight, I could do exactly what I've been doing, which is stay at about 1800-2000. At my current activity that's leaving me no room to take many breaks, so obviously the calories are going to have to be cut as well. I'm stubborn and a terrible procrastinator, but I also want to see the 150s consistently (and beyond).

Yeah, I'm not real optimistic about this, but then I wasn't optimistic that I could lose the first 20 pounds all those years ago either. I hope I'm pleasantly surprised!

mmuraro on 03/02/2008:
That is so exciting!! I can picture you sprinting in the half marathon like a lunatic! Hahahahaha. My oldest sis, who lives in Brazil, is a runner and she runs marathons. In the end of 2006 she came to run the chicago marathon and i flew there to cheer for her and hang out since we live so far. She also run faster than she was expecting (4:05) and it was very exciting even though I was freezing all morning trying to see her run by! I did manage to see her in the finishing line and yelled and she saw me too, i took a pic and all. Was very cool, I was so proud! I always joke around with her telling that I want to go to my second marathon! :) Congrats again!

maria777 on 03/02/2008:
What an inspirational entry! Congratulations to you and so happy for you!!!

thinnsidenotout on 03/02/2008:
Very Good Job.... You are proud and you have EVERY right to be.....PROUD OF YOU!

mmuraro on 03/03/2008:
Thanks for complimenting my diet. Its not easy. But I make sure I fit in some treats in there (low fat ice cream I had yesterday for example!). My friends and I did go to brunch after belly dancing. I was surprised when my food came, though, i wasnt expecting it to be so healthy and such a small portion, so it was good.

My sister ran two marathons, the first one was in Brazil, where she lives. She has been running for a while, and she is very consistent about it and take it very seriously. She is part of a running group so she has a trainer. She has knee problems in the past and she's over them now, but she does weight training too, to make sure her legs and knees are strong enough for those things. You know, she said the marathon itself was the easiest part, the hardest part was the 5 months intensive training for it (I think that includes a 3 hour run once a week!). Chicago was in the end of 2006, in 2007 she didn't run any marathons, but this year she is dying to go to run Berlin. If she does, I'll be very tempted to travel there too, but I may not, since I was there last year and would prefer going somewhere I never been before. We'll see.

I run before, but just your average 3 miles (tops!) for exercise, never really for running. It's not in me. I have the hardest time working out all together. She is the athlete in the family, no doubt about it. The more I lose weight the more I look like her though, kinda funny.

Anyway, my sister run many many half marathons before, so I am sure if you ever wanna run a marathon, you will in time. Just make sure you prepare for it and get help from a professional, because I have seen people who don't and it's not pretty. :) My sis did finish it like a pro and after that she got to the hotel, took a shower and we walked to lunch (WTH??? hahaha). I was very impressed, it's really far from my reality. Btw, my mom does worry about her running marathons, she is not crazy about that. idea.

Anyway, I think your time was awesome and I couldn't have survived that sprint! haha Congrats again!

feeleebubs on 03/03/2008:
Congrats!!!! I am soooo impressed with you!

legcramps on 03/03/2008:
Sweet DUDE, that's AWESOME!!!!! :) :) :)

Good for you BTC! I have a question though. Did it feel like you were training for this half-marathon? Because, to me, it didn't seem like it, seemed like you just went on with your day the same way you would at any other time. So, you didn't need any extra training or anything? You know what that means? YOU'RE FREAKING AWESOME!!!! :)

Pictures, please. Oh, right, hubby didn't get the camera out in time. Well, that sucks. So when's the next one?!!!

Runner on 03/04/2008:
BTC! You are PHE-NOME-NAL! I KNEW you could do it! I really did! I had total confidence that you would run under 2 hours...you've worked SO hard, and you've totally made a runner out of yourself. I am so proud of you. Way to go! Did you celebrate in any way? What was the weather like? Did you ever feel like you hit a wall, or was it smooth sailing the whole time? I need more details! :)

I'm hoping to run a half-marathon in April...and I can only hope I'll break 2 hours...I'm definitely not as fast as I used to be!

Great job, friend!

borntocry - Saturday Mar 01, 2008

Weight: 108.5

Plan: do some running at the track to see if I can run 9-minute miles at half-marathon pace
Calories: 1300
Exercise: ran 4 miles at the track - at 8:50 per mile!!
Result: renewed confidence about the race on Sunday

Plan: juggle plans to meet husband for lunch, friend for dinner, and eBay seller to collect race entry
Calories: 2000
Exercise: 2.2 miles running, 4 miles half walking, half running all over town in 6-inch platform heels - again!!
Result: all set for tomorrow's race, apart from aching legs and extreme case of nerves!

shadetree on 03/01/2008:
Good luck on your race tomorrow! You'll do just fine! How exciting to have a new work challenge. It's nice to have something new to look forward to (yes, Im trying to help you be optimistic!) I actually had to tell my boss yesterday that work is pointless if there is no challenge to it! (He's freaking out right now, as we had two consultants running our office/billing functions, and one was terminated by their company - and no one told him - and the other just informed us that her company is pulling her out in three weeks. "But they'll send someone to replace both people" - so we'll have to retrain both on computer systems etc...I'm fed up with this firm - and have told my management team that we need to give our notice and get rid of them all...Sorry, you didn't need to hear all that!:)

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and sending good vibes across the pond! Have a great weekend!

starlight on 03/01/2008:
Hey, good job at the running. Good luck on the race. Keep us posted!

thinnsidenotout on 03/01/2008:
Good Luck!..... I see a number change on the weight also...GOOD JOB!

desichick on 03/01/2008:
Hey good luck on your race!

mmuraro on 03/01/2008:
Good luck on your race. Hope you enjoy it! Are you having a cab filled dinner to be ready for the morning? Enjoy!

borntocry - Thursday Feb 28, 2008

Weight: 109.1

The last two days have not been all that great. On Tuesday my boss told me that they're terminating my contract, effective on March 26th. I knew it was coming because the work (and the budget) has dried up. I'll still be getting paid by my consultancy, who will surely place me somewhere else, but I've been on contract here for five years now, so it will be weird to change. In a way it was good to know for sure, because I'd been kind of anxious about it for the past few days. And funnily enough, my anxiety regarding this situation must have been distracting me from worrying about anything else, because as soon as it was resolved, I found myself in full panic mode about the half-marathon on Sunday! I spent the whole evening stuffing my face and then finally went totally crazy and bid on four different race entries on eBay. Was lucky to end the day with no exercise and 1700 calories.

Yesterday was a little better because I at least went running on my lunch break (4.2 miles). But calories were worse (2000). I won one entry to the race on Sunday, was outbid on another, and managed to cancel my bid on a third. There's still a fourth for which I'm currently the highest bidder. I could beg the seller to cancel my bid but am afraid she'll refuse because I'm the only bidder. Also, I'm absurdly paranoid that the person whose entry I did win will change her mind at the last minute and refuse to sell it to me. I don't know what to do... the anxiety continues.

leeumom on 02/28/2008:
Sorry to hear about your job. God closes one door and opens another. An adventure in life, the unknown. Of course, I'm not there to feel the anxiety. You sound talented and sure it will all work out. Are you at your goal weight? What were you when you started? Maybe you are at maintence? Good luck.

starlight on 02/28/2008:
Thank you for your comments. They are really appreciated. I DEFINITELY need to get out of the house. I'm going to my parents house today to help with some housework and to do my taxes. Sorry to hear about your contract being terminated. But like you said the anxiety over it is gone now, so thats got to be a good thing. Have a good day!

thinnsidenotout on 02/28/2008:
Are you able to "retract" the bid? (there is a button on your page that says "retract bid" somewhere)...I did one time and there wasn't any trouble with it........At least you knew that the job termination was a possibility....

Good luck with marathon prep....... Good Day!

feeleebubs on 02/28/2008:
Sorry to hear about your job...I really hope you like your next placement more than you ever liked this job! It'll be rough getting used to it at first, but I'm excited for you. :-)

biscottibody59 on 02/28/2008:
So you get to continue to be paid and not work? Sounds like a nice break assuming you finally go back to work at a place you like.

Ch-ch-ch-change can be good--yeah right--haha!

desichick on 02/28/2008:
Hey I used to work as a consultant and get paid for what they called "being on the beach" and sure, it was great for a couple of weeks but I would often get anxious about the next project and what it would be. I hope you find out about yours soon! Like biscottibody59 said, sometimes change can be good and it may invigorate you. Good luck in any case :)

mmuraro on 02/28/2008:
Ebay is annoying. I ended up buying way too many radiohead tickets. But I know I can sell them, so ok. I'd say wait till it's final and if you end up with two, call some runners you know and see if they wanna buy it. Or put it on craigslist.org for sale or something. A Half marathon! So great! :)

legcramps on 02/28/2008:
You won a bid! Are you racing THIS Sunday?!! Wow, Good Luck BTC!!! I'm pullin for 'ya! :)

thinnsidenotout on 02/28/2008:
Re: Friend walking fast.... I did yesterday while we were walking tell her that I got the arch supports and that I needed to slowly work up to a fast pace...I don't mind the walking fast, it is just that having the extra 60# in a baby jogger 3 times a week & me being a good 50# heavier than her kind of puts a damper on me being able to swing my arms and really enjoy the walking...The main reason I love walking, is to help clear my mind as well as reap the benefit of what good it does for my body...I can walk pretty fast and do not slow down on the 1/4 mile hill incline.....I start out at about 15 minutes per mile, but end up at about 10 minutes...

You are right...I did start this on my own and she did ask to "tag" along, of which is perfectly fine and I have had to tell myself THIS is STILL about MY JOURNEY and BY GRAB I'm going to enjoy it, so I don't give it up....I have again today when I saw her, told her that I am going to start off slow when I leave my house.... I had too much to do this morning and chose to go this evening, so I won't have the baby jogger when we go. I like doing it of a morning better, cause when I do it in the evening, it falls into when my husband is getting home from work and I like to be here when he gets home. This time of year, he works 6 days a week and 12 hours a day.....here pretty soon he will only be home to sleep a few hours at a time (being on call 24/7).. He works on orchard wind machines and it is getting time for the busy season to protect the buds on the soft fruit trees... Then I can pretty much walk anytime I want and not feel like I have to be home a certain time...

Thanks for your support!!!!! I was thinking that you may not be able to retract a bid on ebay if there was <12 hours left.... It all worked out anyway...so good!

borntocry - Tuesday Feb 26, 2008

Weight: 109.1

Went running on my lunch break: 4.4 miles. Felt pretty good. Ran to my favourite gourmet food store afterwards for a thin slice of low-fat cheesecake (European-style cheesecake - hard to explain what this is but it's kind of light and fluffy, more like a mousse than a cheesecake).

Hubby suggested we go to a movie after work. He wanted to see Cloverfield, I wanted to see Juno. I got there first and got tickets to Juno, because my friend who's coming to visit next week has already seen it so I thought we could watch Cloverfield with her. Well, I hated Juno. I thought it was so contrived - like it was just trying so hard to be cute and quirky. I was really upset. The only thing I liked about the movie was the girl who played Juno - I've never seen anyone so beautiful. Oh, the other good thing was the huge vat of popcorn I shared with my hubby.

We passed the Algerian bakery on the way home and I was really tempted to get my favourite semolina flatbread, which I estimate at around 400 calories, but I resisted. And then spent the entire evening snacking on over 1000 calories of complete rubbish. Total for the day: 1830. Ironically my weight is down, probably because I'm dehydrated. I didn't do it on purpose - just forgot to drink anything. I did manage to do my weight-lifting, though, for the first time in six days. I was sure I would blow it off but somehow forced myself to do it just before midnight!

Now I am inexplicably depressed. I would go out running to cheer myself up but it's raining. I might go tonight, to my favourite park which stays open all night.

legcramps on 02/26/2008:
Hey BTC,

I'm still waiting to see Juno but now that you've mentioned it in your entry today the excitement of going out to see it has diminished a bit for me... I hope Cloverfield is better. I think the girl who plays Juno is very beautiful as well (can't remember her name at the moment) - I was just sort of interested to watch this type of movie. Great job on the running - how long did it take you? I wish I could get exercise in at lunchtime but I only get half an hour to work with. That's not a lot of time when I need to get home and let the dogs outside.

You *may* be happy to know that i've finally gotten off my butt and started working on jogging again. Unfortunately, everything comes and goes in waves with me - one day it's all about kickboxing and the other it's about running, but most days are all about... doing nothing I guess. I'm good at that. Good job on the weight-lifting too! I bet you felt better once you got started, like that feeling of guilt just washed away.

Cheer up, buttercup.

MsKitty on 02/26/2008:
hey well at leaste your seeing some weight gone through it all... keep your chin up eh....Thinking good thoughts is the way to start, And smiling works, I assure you. Keep up your spirits to cheer yourself, Don�t let the gloomies win.

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