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happy-1 - Monday Sep 20, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Monday 9/20/21:

Last night Mama Cat said no phones in bed, pet me. I passed out petting her while she purred away on my chest.

today I pulled off yoga but not cardio.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

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happy-1 - Sunday Sep 19, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Sunday - Sept 19, 2021:

3rd post for today... except I really need it. Pushed through my 8:30 cutoff time to finish my stats for tomorrow... and did it. Took the trash out at 8:30. Dad thinks I'm up and should be available to work with him. He tried to give me a whole to do list while I took out the trash. I said no, I won't remember tomorrow. I'm too tired. 9:45 he called me on the phone. I got up out of bed to see if it was an emergency. It wasn't, He wants me to buy something. I said I'd talk to him about it tomorrow and went back to bed. I'm wide awake now. Might as well setup yoga for tomorrow AM. Coffe and breakfast are already setup. 

Path of least resistance is being developed.

Grrr. Get after it.

 

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/20/2021:
Quite impressive with establishing boundaries... or if you prefer, being true to yourself in knowing where to draw the line.

I hope you have a really good yoga session this morning - good luck at the doctor's appointment!


bearcountrygg on 09/20/2021:
It's good to set boundaries with your dad....you count too...and if there is anything at all that he can do for himself then he should be doing those things.....you really are not his personal servant......you may be there to help and aid him but you also have a life and he needs to respect that too.......sounds like he likes to rile you/push your buttons.......you can resist that...you went to check to see that he was safe...after that....it can wait for another time that also works well for you......being a caretaker is so hard...been there.


Horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2021:
sometimes, it's worth it (like you did!) to push to get something done for that satisfied feeling you get when you accomplish it! xoxo i do agree, boundaries are a good thing. he cannot call you any time of night; if it's not an emergency :) xoxo


Horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2021:
it does feel good (now commenting on your previous entry!) to clean up and organize. i always have to be in "the right mindset" to clean up. finally went thru all my "unimportant mail" from the union / health insurance. i had been putting the letters aside, knowing they were just records of copays (still not the best idea to wait so long to open, because you never really know!) things were almost 3 months old. oops. nothing important, but i let it clutter up too much. usually i'm better, i will remember that going forwards! :) and not let that happen again! i think it's been extra bad because of my job changes and i got really distracted, but that's no excuse!

i agree, that in the AM, it's gotta be a clear path in order to do exercise! definitely, the more obstacles towards starting, the less inclined anyone would be!

sorry for your dad's moodiness. the older people get, the more difficult at times!


Horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2021:
that first time of the quake, when you were petting your cat, it may be that she was scared and that's why she stayed with you and didn't bite you!

when we had some fireworks this summer, my little piggie was scared; and it was one of the only times he sat with me and didn't fight me to get off!


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happy-1 - Sunday Sep 19, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Sunday 9-19-21...

A little better this morning. I started by clearing all the clutter in my bedroom that makes it hard to set up yoga before bed so I can work out as soon as my eyes open. Basically I had stuff that could go into my closet out where my chair, folding tables, and exercise ball need to go. I've been putting them on my bed when I do yoga, but when I wake up at 5am, I need to start setting up yoga at 5:40 am to be ready for a 6am class. I mentally just can't get it together to move these before 7am. Hopefully a path of least resistance will make this easier.

Today I need to finish getting all my data together for the OT so that I am ready for my endocrinologist appt on 9/27. It's a lot... and I'm weirdly just not that into doing it. I don't know why. This is supposed to help me get it all back together again and free to live my own life. 

Maybe I just need some time out of the house. I haven't seen good daylight in a couple of days.

Dad isn't helping. He seems to want me to be on my knees begging forgiveness for meddling and getting him a COVID test and accidentally getting home health pulled. I said of course I made a mistake. I am going to make mistakes. The only way to not make mistakes is to not get involved at all. Do you think you did anything to contribute to the situation? Then he wanted soup, but for me to pull all the meat out of it and just give him the pea soup. I said I can blend it up for him and he told me to shut my ****ing mouth and do what he tells me to do. I told him the soup was on the stove and when he is ready he can get it himself.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/19/2021:
Geez, your dad can be so trying, poor you. HUGS

Good to get out of the house. Just do it!

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
Yeah... it's a bummer battle... He's miserable, I want to help, me helping means I get worn down and I don't achieve my goals and I need to get this data stuff done for tomorrow. It's 6:42 pm and my brain is finally "on" enough to focus, but I've only got an hour or so left of energy. UGH


Donkey on 09/19/2021:
Glad that you have a better setup for yoga, now. GOOD!

Getting out might be very helpful. I'm so sorry about your dad's choice of words. Just gotta walk away, I guess...?


Jacky82020 on 09/19/2021:
Think of it this way. You have to care of yourself so that you can assist your dad. Sounds like sometimes he’s miserable with or without you, so try to relax & tend to your needs

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
Hugs. Ty!


Donkey on 09/20/2021:
^ Excellent insight from Jacky :-)


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happy-1 - Sunday Sep 19, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Saturday, 9/18/21... Second post for today but I really need it...

After midnight here... Having a hard time getting to sleep. It's on me... I spent the whole day inside... My neck and back hurt so I didn't work out... it stuck around all day till about 11pm. No daylight, no circadian drive to sleep. I ran book club which is the highlight of my week. Then I worked on getting data together for the endocrinologist. That was time in front of my monitor. I did get up and make dad some dinner, but then I sat down and worked again. I got very little done.

Mostly what is eating me up is loneliness. My friend invited me to her dog's birthday party next Sunday. I would really like to go, but I just don't feel well yet, it's an hour and a half south, it requires ATVs which bounce and my neck can't take lifting a chair. I'm also just out of practice being around people. And I'm nervous about being that far away from home without support for my dad.

Thanks for letting me say that out loud in the middle of the night. I feel better.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
And also I was almost asleep and the cat woke me up at 11pm. Ugh!

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
But I started taking tyrosine and tryptophan tonight so maybe that will help

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
Because it’s pretty overwhelming to think of how much work it will be to get dad squared away, the house cleaned out, my neck back together, a job, friends, and a life again.

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
And I can’t get comfy in my bed… I probably need to go back to the chiropractor, even though I’m not supposed to… I’m supposed to do PT


Donkey on 09/19/2021:
I'm impressed that you gather data for your doctor. Is the endocrinologist open to reviewing the data?

Oh how I hate it when you almost fall asleep only to be jarred awake -- that has been my issue this whole past week. Ugh, then I have to start the whole "falling asleep" process over. If I have to do this more than once, on a given night, getting any good sleep becomes significantly harder. Each time, it's harder and harder to start the "falling sleep" again. It takes longer and doesn't seem as relaxed.

Maybe you need a new mattress, or time to flip/turn your mattress?

I'm sorry to hear about your loneliness, although I'm glad you came here to say it "aloud". That is not as easy as one might think, to admit it. (((hugs)))

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
I gather data for my doctors and prepare questions ahead because the healthcare system is so broken I need to be able to show data and push with questions to close the gaps. I find it unacceptable that I say I am short on REM and easily fatigued and they just shrug and say get more exercise. Also ADHD is pervasive so I need to show them what I am doing and not doing and get help based on my efforts and obstacles.

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
For sleep… melatonin, gaba, tryptophan, ashwagandha, theanine, and tyrosine is my current cocktail. Hopefully it will help.

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
I do need a new mattress but I didn’t find anything I liked for a low price. I have a fantastic CA king mattress in storage and no room for it here. I don’t want to shell out for a full size mattress. Also, I have found that my yoga board under a 1 inch mattress topper on top of my current mattress is more comfortable than any of the mattresses I have tried… that it suddenly isn’t comfortable is a sign I need to go to the chiropractor.

Having my yoga board in my bed between workouts is a time management challenge while I get myself stronger. It is easy to pull out but it is a struggle to put away. I wear myself out putting it away and miss cardio.

A second one would be about $120. I love it. It makes such a huge difference doing yoga at home. I wasn’t pulling it out when I started back up again and I wasn’t getting any stronger… but I have the past couple of weeks and it is such a big improvement. https://www.getlifeboard.com/

I’d rather get a board that covers my whole bed and a larger topper for the money though. I just haven’t felt great enough to do it.

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
I’d have to get MDF cut and then rent a van to get it home.

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
It’s super hard to say you are lonely. Thanks for being here for me to say it to.


Donkey on 09/19/2021:
I meant to mention, if the cat isn't concerned about the earthquake, then you're probably OK. Forget the Richter scale - your cat will let you know!

Makes total sense as to why you present empirical data at your doctors' appointments! I'm sorry it really got to that point though. How frustrating!

I believe that there are a lot more lonely people out there than one would think. And one can be married and still quite lonely (maybe even more so, from what I've heard from others).

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
I think it would be awful to be lonely in a marriage... I'd feel panicky and trapped.


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happy-1 - Saturday Sep 18, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Saturday 9/18/21:

4.5 earthquake last night... but what was surprising was how LONG it lasted. I had flashbacks to the Northridge quake in the 90s...  I was in my bathrobe post shower at the time and I was very nervous about having to get out and leave the house if it got worse. The cat was sitting on me for a cuddle at the time... I was more surprised that she didn't bother jumping off my lap and just chilled while I kept petting her. And didn't bite or scratch me. I actually had to pick her up and put her down to go check on dad when it stopped. Weird cat. Clearly a native Californian.

Woke up with a massive headache this morning. I pushed dad in a wheelchair yesterday no problem... then when we got home, he asked me to swap his chair and I was too hungry, lifted wrong and did in my neck. No workout till it goes away. Plus I am dehydrated. 
 

I need to go through all my data and get it ready by Monday. I'm a little apprehensive about how much work it will be and that makes me procrastinate on actually starting.

 

Now that I have said it aloud... time to get started.

 

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/18/2021:
Earthquakes! Takes me back to all my years in California. Lived there until 2004. On East coast now. No earthquakes, wildfires, hurricanes etc here. Lots of snow which I like.

Keep up on the hydration. Sometimes I have to work on mine. Easy to lag.

Hope that neck is doing better today.

happy-1 on 09/18/2021:
ty! hugs!


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happy-1 - Friday Sep 17, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

 Thursday 9/16/21: I bragged about my cat on the phone where she could hear... and immediately after she meowed, hissed,  bit and scratched me... now it is almost midnight and I am still up.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/17/2021:
Because she is still up and wants me to play


Jacky82020 on 09/17/2021:
I forget now. Was this a stray you took in? My cats have never hissed, scratched or bitten. One does a playful puppy kind of mouthing thing. Even the feral I worked with outside for 2 years before bringing inside, was always a good boy. Shy & avoidant & I always respected his boundaries & let him approach me on his terms. Many times of despair when I thought I’d be sitting on the porch in inclement weather forever.

happy-1 on 09/17/2021:
Yes, a stray. She was curled up in my armpit, I was petting her without really thinking about it for once, then HISS MEOW CHOMP.


Donkey on 09/17/2021:
This made me laugh out loud literally, as I was on my bike this morning. Of course she did and of course she does -- she's such a tortie!

happy-1 on 09/17/2021:
"Oh I'm such a good kitty? Clearly I have some leeway to play with. Let's start with a CHOMP. Then tonight I will keep you up for an HOUR and you won't want to stick me in the bathroom because you will feel too guilty to sleep."


Jacky82020 on 09/17/2021:
The spoiled brat!

happy-1 on 09/18/2021:
So spoiled!!!


Horn_of_plenty on 09/18/2021:
now that's human-cat love! :)

happy-1 on 09/18/2021:
It's a conflicted but worthwhile relationship.

happy-1 on 09/18/2021:
It's a conflicted but worthwhile relationship.


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happy-1 - Wednesday Sep 15, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Wed 9/15/21:

Fell off track Monday after wrangling dad into a dr video visit where we figured out he has diarrhea because he's chowing down on jam, ice cream and honey, then electrolyte imbalances causing fatigue. He hadn't told me he was out of gatorade. Augh. Not COVID.

I don't know why but I stayed up till 1 am and botched Tuesday. Today I had to go get labs done first thing, then I spent my evening getting stuff together for my OT appointment tomorrow... so I missed today's workout too.

But despite insomnia I am in bed with the lights out at 8:30 as planned. The cat has tucked me in. I can do this.

Yoga tomorrow at 6:30 am.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/16/2021:
Glad your dad doesn’t have a serious virus & can fix himself dietary, no simple task of course. But beats covid


bearcountrygg on 09/16/2021:
I'm happy to hear that you Dad doesn't have covid.


Donkey on 09/16/2021:
Like the others have said, at least it's not COVID. Was Dad able to make the connection between eating crap and feeling like crap?

Lights out at 8:30pm is enviable. Have fun at yoga this morning! I'll think of you tonight when I start my session :-)


Horn_of_plenty on 09/16/2021:
i'm glad you figured out dad's issues with the video doc. Hopefully dad doesn't get to eat anymore jam and ice cream for awhile!?

also, nice job getting back on track later. i hope you get to do your yoga tomorrow!


Maria7 on 09/16/2021:
Good you are getting some much needed rest. Take care.


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happy-1 - Sunday Sep 12, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

For Sunday 9/12/21:

Having a small brain fry moment. Super grateful to have this space to dump it out and make some sense of it. Today is Sunday and I need to plan my week and refocus.  I have had a super sucessful week... It was so successful, I wil say it in all caps... just to emphasize it.

I HAD A SUPER SUCCESSFUL WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • I started feeling human again on Thursday
  • I made it to the top of the leaderboard for the 60 day fitness challenge that started Monday
  • I did all my workouts
  • I ate correctly
  • I went to bed and woke up on time every night
  • I stuck to my plan this morning and got 2.5h of sunlight volunteering for wetlands restoration 
  • I did a couple of small paperwork items that were critical
  • I quarantined from my dad, he's still alive and kicking

However... this was accomplished at the expense of:

  • Sanity. On Thursday I felt better, looked around, realized how much work everything was going to be and freaked out
  • Relationship. I didn't see the Exish this weekend. Horrible to say it, but didn't miss it.
  • Friends. I was supposed to see a friend yesterday but it was too big an event and I am not up to that yet
  • Productivity. Getting morning workouts in sapped all my brainspace for the rest of the day
  • Money. To make meals work without using the kitchen while dad is in quarantine, I bought a lot of packaged items
  • Joy. I can't say I had any fun this week at all. The wetlands thing was supposed to be fun but it was awful
  • Chores. The house is a mess. I dread going out there and working on it. The work is bottomless
  • Dad. I basically hid in my room for the week and only interacted briefly because he's sick and keeps forgetting to put his mask on. He can get up, feed himself, etc. Not much I can do if he won't get a COVID test

So how do I tackle the issue of dad is still sick this week and stay on course to do my bedtimes and workouts? What do I sacrifice and how do I do it?

Right now this is what a day looks like:

  • 5AM wakeup, eat, etc.
  • 6:15-8AM, Cardio and yoga
  • 1 hour padding for transition and recovery
  • 10-11AM - Brain still works. Biggest task for myself
  • 12pm Brain fry starts. All energy gone. Struggle to make it through my list.
  • 2pm - Supposed to be checkin with dad and do 3h dad care and housework... but I didn't do it this week because he's quarantining
  • 5:-7:30 Break to walk and do PT
  • 7:30 - Shower, go to bed

To move dad forward, I have to try to do things with him at 10AM before my brain gives out. That looks like an hour on paper, but what it really does is K/O my entire day till bedtime. Do I let dad hash it out his own way another week to try to solidify my 1 week off success into 2 weeks? Or do I try to stretch just a little bit and push to get him to take care of himself?

I tried to posit that question to the Exish over text and was told to "talk to a therapist or a life planner". It took everything I had in me not to tell him to go date somebody else.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/13/2021:
I'm SO glad that you had a good week!!! I know that there are always trade-offs, things that we sacrifice one for another. But that you consider this a success warms my heart. You need a good week!

I'm not sure what to say about Dad. It's GOOD that even being sequestered, that he's still able to function and take care of himself. I don't have any suggestions as to approach the situation, except to say that if YOU get sick - COVID or otherwise - you will not be able to help in any capacity. (I believe you have already come to this realization a couple of entries ago, when Dad first started getting sick.)

happy-1 on 09/19/2021:
TY. Hugs!


horn_of_plenty on 09/13/2021:
i agree that most everything from Quest stinks! i will see if i can find a quest pizza then!

WOOHOO CONGRATS ON YOUR SUPER SUCCESSFUL WEEK!

Are the aids/nurses still coming to help you with your dad? what happened to them? that would help give you a break so you can do your own work...

it is very hard to be a caretaker!


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happy-1 - Friday Sep 10, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Friday 9/10/21:

3 cardio+yoga workouts in a row including yesterday. Just gotta do it again today. The cat will help. I rolled over at 4am and the cat jumped onto my pillow an inch from my head from her perch on my bike desk. "Oh good! You're up! Plop! Give me treats!"

"Noo kitty, no treats till Alexa starts playing the Lumineers. I'll just stay here and pretend to be asleep. Maybe you'll give up and go away. I'm not going to train you to wake me up before my alarm."

"But... Look how sweet, soft, and cuddly I am. You can't resist my love. Purr purr purr."

"Soooo soft..."

"Gotcha."

"Damnit!!!!"

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/10/2021:
Good kitty! Sounds like a sweetheart. My 3 cats sleep in the Cat Room. Bed occupied by two dogs.

happy-1 on 09/12/2021:
Ha!!!! I like that mental picture.


Maria7 on 09/10/2021:
These cats KNOW how to get their way! I know, cause we've got 2 over here!

happy-1 on 09/12/2021:
How did I not know you were a cat lady?


Donkey on 09/11/2021:
LOL - what a good kitty! Not so good for sleeping in, but you gotta love a cat that's attached to you.

Thank you so much for the information on the Garmin devices!!! I'm takin' notes, as I think my current FitBit Alta is dying a slow death.

Hey, GOOD JOB on the cardio and yoga!!!!!

happy-1 on 09/12/2021:
TY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big hugs


bearcountrygg on 09/11/2021:
Yeah...catss.......mine looks at me and squints ...or he furrows his brow...when i disappoint him....and then my guilt sets in......he knows how to manipulate to the nth degree.


Horn_of_plenty on 09/11/2021:
never tried the quest pizzas. i used to eat their bars too much; and then i tried their chips and never liked them....so now i have bad memories of quest...but i haven't even seen their pizzas in the stores! you cali people have even more options in your markets than we do in NYC!

so did you give her a treat when she woke you!?!?

happy-1 on 09/12/2021:
The pizzas are good. Everything else from that brand is terrible.

She's figured out I can only take so much fur on bare skin and will eventually give her treats to get her to leave me alone... so yes... augh...



happy-1 - Wednesday Sep 08, 2021
(HcOcPsNsPrdDs,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp7w9bed)
Weight: 234.0

Wednesday, September 8, 2021...

Gasp! I ran out of cat treats this morning. You should have seen Momma Cat... "If there's no treats, I'm not waking your butt up to do yoga at 4:30 AM. Get yourself up."

Still not tracking here sufficiently to move forward on habits. my brain is just not "there". I am doing a good job of tracking my time though... and that is very helpful. Yesterday and today I am on the "up" swing where I am up on time and doing yoga and cardio. Hopefully the more days I can rack up together of those, the more my VO2 Max will improve and I will have more energy throughout the day for longer. Today after my workout, I walked to the store and back. I sat down in my chair to eat my GIANT salad before cleaning the kitchen... and I was just "done". Took me like 2 hours to remember to check my Body Battery. Garmin says my body battery was at 9, I was bottoming out, and I needed to look for ways to rest today. I think I am off the hook for cleaning the kitchen.

At least the cat treat situation was rectified. I bought 2 of each flavor. Hopefully she will wake me up tomorrow. I need the help.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/08/2021:
I know you prob aren't looking for this thought from me, lol; but even if you aren't up to what you believe it good enough tracking, every little bit helps. and you prob do a better job tracking your health than the majority of people! :) xoxo. keep up your goals; and the progress will follow as you keep working at it. practice makes BETTER (forget about perfect!!)

happy-1 on 09/09/2021:
HUGS! Yes... but the tracking is what helps me look back and see if something I am doing improved or worsened my 10 benchmark habits.


Horn_of_plenty on 09/08/2021:
good that mamma cat will enjoy some treats! everyone (and pet!) likes a tasty treat!

happy-1 on 09/09/2021:
YUM. Right? I ate a Quest pizza today. It was delicious.


Donkey on 09/09/2021:
That's funny about the treats - oh yes, sad is the day when the bottom of the treat bag is reached. Mutinies begin to arise shortly thereafter...

May I ask which model of Garmin you have? AND I would also like to know if you recommend THAT model or another model.

happy-1 on 09/09/2021:
She must not be too mad at me because she woke me up this morning. I swear she was extra levy last night because I walked to the store specifically to get her cat treats. Or I'm losing my mind.

I have the Forerunner 245, but if I was going to do it over again, I would get the Fenix 6 pro with solar. There are way more insights and I bet they are worth it. The price is way down... REI had it for $700 with a $70 member dividend. That's like $630. https://buy.garmin.com/en-US/US/p/641375


Jacky82020 on 09/09/2021:
Oh, horrors! No kitty kat treats! I am sure you were promptly forgiven.

How does VO2 Max relate to pulse oximetry? We have those. Always good: upper 90’s.

happy-1 on 09/09/2021:
Not the same thing... https://www.firstbeatanalytics.com/en/features/vo2max-fitness-level/


Jacky82020 on 09/09/2021:
Thanks. Will check it out.



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