Tues 5-17-22 8am
The cat and I are locked in battle royale... I insist she eat wet food because she has small, hard poops. I have stopped the hard cat treats as well. She says she hates wet food AND people food, WHERE is her kibble? WHERE are her center-filled treats? THIS IS NOT what she signed up for! Baby food? Baby food? Really? No. Stop this at once she says. She knows better than to wake me up, but the minute my eyes opened she was all over me for breakfast. Baby food from last night was uneaten.
Stats today were weird. Body battery is continuing to charge higher overnight. It was in the 90s this AM. Blood pressure was a little high. Not sure why. Blood sugar was 150. Had a REM dropout and only got 45 minutes, so today will be quiet and at home. After I get dad his treats.
Never run out of dad or cat treats.
I think I have narrowed down sleep quality issues to stress and exertion after 3pm. Looking for ways to detox cortisol to fix that. So far I have found dark chocolate and L-Theanine...
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Mon 5-16-22 8:30 am
Shocked by good stats today as I mixed it up today. Last night, I went to bed as soon as I yawned, earlier than intended, and got to sleep by 12:30. Working my way back to a normal bedtime. I slept 8 hours and got enough REM. Body battery over 70. My fasting sugar was down to 120. My blood pressure was 118/73. Hydration, 86%. I will weigh in in a little bit. Who ia this almost on the mend person????
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Ate. Tofu scramble, Ratio bar, almond milk with instant tea. No added sweetner because of what I learned from the Huberman Lab podcast yesterday about insulin sensitivity.
1 Took dad to 2pm appt. Was going to walk but it was too hot and bright out. Sat in the car on reddit instead and got an answer on what protein powder would be better. On the way home dad had 3 or 4 errands to do that I said no to. I am only doing one thing at a time right now so I don’t burn out. That included not stopping for fast food sandwiches on the way home because he wouldn’t agree to only buy one. He has congestive heart failure!!!! None is better! I made him a burger when we got home then I heated up one of my meal preps.
4:20pm done eating
11:30 in bed.took melatonin and glycine. Looking forward to tomorrow. For once!
you are also doing better on your scale! yes, keeping things in check nicely!
Sun 5-15-22 11am
Pulling it back together a little bit at a time. Target bedtime was 2am last night. Fell asleep at 3:37am. Earlier than yesterday at 3:30am. Sleep uality held. I'll try for 1am tonight. I need to be up by 8, so it will be enough. I keep drinking my chocolate protein powder from before I started doing lower carb... it has 15 carbs per serving so not terrible but more than I can pull off without spiking sugar. I didn't buy any treats for myself this week and I keep forgetting to buy apples... and I had 2 shakes yesterday so my sugar was high. I totaled up my calories from the meal prep I did yesterday and discovered that Istill need to add 800-1000 calories to them!!! Veggies and protein without fat just don't have enough. No wonder I ate a whole costco bag of keto crackers in 2 days. I didn't have enough calories in my meals.
Mixing it up for next week... trying for a different set of 6 core stats for success measurement. I just need to find the right dominos.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
7:20 just finished making dad a burger. I am a giant waste of space and resources.
But I really like how you said you just need to find the right dominos. I like that!
After a while, we start believing the things we say about ourselves. You are a smart, capable, loving person who has made it through so much already. You should be proud of yourself for continuing to strive to be better. Hugs.
Sat 5-14-22 12pm:
Despite best efforts yesterday I ended up with insomnia till 3am. Can only think that the grocery shopping, meal prepping and chores were too much for me and I wore myself out. I fell asleep about 3:30, woke up about 10:30, walked at 11. Trying Aura for insomnia. Free trial. This might just be a case of paying a toll for overdoing it, but I can't tell when I am overdoing it.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Today I walked 20 min, picked up walmart groceries, hosted coworking, cleaned my bedroom, did PT (yay), made dad stuffed peppers, watched tv, and ate too much. Out of all of that, only PT moved me forward.
Thank you lord for all that you do.
Fri 5-12-22 9:40am
Mama Cat is having her cativersary on the 19... when I adopted her last year. I dunno how we will celebrate... Rabies vaccine update and a microchip probably doesn't qualify as something a cat would enjoy. I still haven't bought her a collar... Haven't had the will to fight that battle and the one I want is $30. She's a completely different cat from the frazzled stray I took in... I can pick her up, put her on my lap and she just flops over and purrs. If I need to get up and get something, I can pick her up, go get it and put her back on my lap and she falls asleep again. So chill.
I'm inching closer to getting my sleep back on track. I got into bed on time last night, took 3h to fall asleep... but 11 is a lot better than 3am.I know my sugar must have been high because I slept over 9 hours. My alarm was set for 4:45 but I fell back asleep after I turned it off.
I feel pretty decent today... I've never seen my 7 day average REM so high so I must be doing something right. Maybe today is the first step towards getting better and better.
To celebrate, I splurged on some new walking shoes. I looked at the free people site and they are showing neutral sneakers, so I looked for a pair of walking shoes I don't hate and went one size up to accomodate toe spread like my running shoes do. Hopefully I did the right thing. I can return them, but you need to wear them to know if they fit. I am contemplating this sling bag to go with them... I really want to stop using my fanny pack... this could go around my waist in a pinch while pushing dad's wheel chair... No outside compartment for a water bottle though.
Still deciding about the bag. The advantage of the one I picked is that waxed canvas can be dipped in fabric sanitizer. Important when you are going in and out of hospitals and stuff with dad. I of course long for what is on the free people site but $$$ and the shoes aren't my size.
Lord, thank you for all that you do. Thank you for my dad, space to heal, bobcat, mama cat. Please watch over my mom. Please help me get rem and recharge tonight.
I hope you did get some sleep. Ironic that you mention that you're catching up on sleep and then had issues falling asleep. Subconscious self-sabotage?
I like the Sketchers walking shoes. Those look nice enough to wear at the office, for myself. Maybe I should look at getting a pair, too. I'm on the fence about a new bag. I love bags, but I have too many, which is why I feel like I'm the last person to advise on this matter - because my advice would be, Get it (if you think it will help). LOL, what a silly Donkey I am.
also, i like pets that are comfortable and not fussy. 2 of my 3 gps are quite chill also. the 3rd one is not!
Thurs 5-12-22 11:45am
Caught flat-footed today. I had insomnia again last night and slept till 7 when my alarm went off. Then I took stimulants which knocked me out again. Instead of being able to get up and get out for a walk, I'm tidying up my bedroom and getting ready to facethe dad onslaught of requests... and I haven't been grocery shopping so I don't have an easy breakfast to down so I can be ready to talk to him. Or get caffeine in me first... although I am probably better off skipping that today given that I woke up so late. At least I have water and a granola bar. I am dressed. I have had 5 nights of REM out of 7. I didn't check sugar, hydration, or BP this morning but I feel ok. can do this. I can help dad change the Internet bill.
Augh. Too messed up to be a functional adult. Not sick enough to qualify for assistance.
A familiar pattern...
Not enough REM > Emotional vulnerability and poor choices that affect sugar and bedtime. > Which in turn keep sugar up making bedtime harder to control... > Not moving forward. I think. Throw in the hormonal variability of perimenopause and I'm screwed.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
7:10pm watching Poldark. I probably can’t fall asleep on time, but I can try.
10:20pm still up. I finished Poldark. How did they only make 5 seasons? There should have been 10!
I would not envy anyone having to deal with internet providers on any level. Bleah... I can't stand ours, but it blows the competition out of the water for internet speed. Having had 3 gamers - now 2 - in the family, I guess it's important to have really good internet speed.
Wednesday 5-11-22 8:45am
No idea how, but I fell asleep almost on time last night. 9:45. Woke at 7am. Got REM again. Feeling human. I guess it was the 4 nights in a row of bad sleep quality that did me in and made me vulnerable on Friday night... Just a breaking point I need to watch for. It looks like I can maintain habits with 3 nights in a row bad sleep but not 4, and no more than 4 total in a week. So that's the rule of thumb I need to remember somehow.
Weight was down to 247 yesterday. I lost the weight I gained on the Temazepam. Now I start pushing forward again.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
3pm. Nobody is showing for coworking. Feels like a treat.
Lord, thank you for my dad, shelter and space to heal. Ty for bobcat. Ty for 3 nights of REM sleep and being able to go on errands the last 2 days. Please help me get sleep back on track… I can turn it all around if you do.
Tues 5-10-22 11am
Ugh. Got so hooked on Poldark on Masterpiece Theater I accidentally stayed up till 2 am and didn't fall asleep till 3:30am. That's on my bad habits, and also because I didn't have my alarm clock in view. I slept till 11am.
At least I finally feel like I've had enough REM sleep. Good day to do errands, so that's something.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
I hope you have a good day today. I drained my body battery down to 15 last night and thought of you! (lol)
Monday 5-9-22 8:40am
Back from my walk. On a morning where I woke up completely down and defeated... The new sweats made it a lot easier to just get up and go for a walk. Inch by inch, pebble by pebble, I will turn this all around.
Very tired. Was up till almost 1. Sugar was high overnight. I feel like crap.
Need to host coworking. I should go grocery shopping but I can't face it.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Sun 5-8-22 7:40am
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!
I miss my mom.
Shake it off.
Somehow despite lying around like a sloth yesterday, or because of it, I dozed off at 8:30 while running the AC before bed. Oops. I not only didn't turn off the electric, I ran up the bill. At leat I got up at 2 and turned it off. Augh. I slept 10 hours and got a ton of REM. The cat kept checking to make sure I am still breathing. She would definitely eat me if I wasn't. She is not happy with this switch to wet food we are doing and has stuck her mouse in the middle of her plate, like a cake topper.
Time to go for a walk and do something worthwhile with my day. One day of just giving up and lying there was a necessary sacrifice. 2 leads to depression.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Told dad I'd make pancakes for lunch. He got hopeful I went grocery shopping, I said no I planned ahead for Mother's Day.
9:41 still up watching tv. Do I know better? Yes.
I'll feel good again
She's a weird cat... she won't eat chicken, beef, or other people food except deli turkey... only likes kibble and hard treats... but she's constipated so time to restrict her to wet food. I'll get her some baby food tomorrow. I don't want to spend a bunch of money on a vet removing impacted stuff from her bowels.
i'm sure your mom is looking over you :)
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Inch by inch
9:45 Tried to do PT but I am so tired I can’t even sit up in my chair. Lying down. Maybe I can get a nap… Ha. Not like it will happen. Forget going to the grocery store. I guess today is a buffer day.
11:45 placed instacart order
12:30 caregiver group
I’m so tired and miserable all I want to do is go to bed.
Forgot… 11:30 2 cheese wheels and too many keto crackers.
Nutritionist in caregiver group says the cycle of drama > poor sleep quality is cortisol. Got her email.
2:30 almonds and stevia chips
3:40 instacart delivery. Dad drama - accused me of lying about consulting him before instacart order last night augh.
Can I please go to sleep and wakeup tomorrow?
4pm ate too many chicken wings. Meant to split them with dad but they were too spicy for him.
4:20 lying down again
Jacky82020 on 05/17/2022:
Have you tried tuna, the kind for humans.? We used to get an off brand cheap & the cats loved it. Currently buy big cases of Friskies canned food which they eat in the evening. Feed kibble mornings.
I will try that!!!! I think I have some here! She ate wet cat food this morning
horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2022:
lol that's annoying for the cat to behave like a toddler yes!
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