I've been absent and not commenting... I apologize.
Getting back on track for January after some hard news about my mom's health. It makes getting myself into the best shape possible important than ever. I'll get into it later... Right now it is oxygen mask on myself first. Logging here to clarify my habits and goals for 2019... It helps to "think out loud" (and thank you for being here for me to come back to).
In 2018, I crossed the 100lb loss mark... But it was the outcome of health and lifestyle changes that are much more beneficial. I opened myself up to meditation and spirituality, gave up my fear of doctors and made strides on my health, gave up anxiety and sadness and learned to focus on the "now", relieved terrible neck pain, made some new friends, and started a new relationship that fills a giant void I've been carrying with me. I started down the path to mastering ADHD. I became consistent with exercise and dog walks. I achieved a regular, consistent sleep pattern. I learned to plan and prepare healthier foods so that I can be healthier overall. I "gave up" a lot of comfort foods and emotional eating. I "unlearned" that I deserve a treat for _____. I actually deserve better than a treat. I deserve something that really makes me feel good.
Last week, I started making realistic to do lists for the day / next day and completing them. I am saving the post-its so I can frame them. I even have the frame.
I've come a million miles from where I started.
Health goals for 2019:
Let's all kick some ass this year.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
No weigh in today, forgot.
A little stressed so I deleted the kickboxing instructor’s digital trail this morning so I don’t text or call and say/do anything dumb. A little frustrated because I can’t delete his number from google voice. Nothing bad happened, nobody had a fight... he’s just in a dark place, and although he texts every day, he’s all jumpy, restless, irritable, and I feel like an intrusion/imposition/jerk everytime I interact with him. The flip happened about a week before Christmas and it was kind of expected because he’s told me multiple times he has a really hard time with the holidays. Only makes it slightly easier to go through... I called Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve since he was texting me (I was dog sitting and had had it set up for a couple of months and didn’t invite him because I only just met him) and it’s the weirdest feeling to talk to him. He has a hard time with depression during the holidays and it knocked me into “save the relationship “ mode which does the opposite so it’s better just to leave it alone and go on about my life without him, unless he makes an effort to be in it. I literally cannot do anything to fix it... just give it up to God and focus on other things.
Currently sitting in my car across the street from my house under a tree. The Circus is in full swing today because my dad wants to go to Ralph’s and the post office and my mom won’t budge to take him. I woke up late at 8:30 am today and it is screwing me up because it is 11:15 and I am only now ready to go out and face the day... I got 1.5h of my parents drama while I ate, showered, cleaned the kitchen and washed dishes. My dad wants me to take him out. I am on a single-minded track to go to Starbucks and apply to 5 jobs. Nothing else matters. But I still feel bad for saying no.
Breathe. In. Out. Breathe.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!
I'd be interested to know why you feel like an intrusion when you interact with him? Is it something he is saying or doing that is making you feel that way, or are you over-thinking it?
Depression is tough, nevermind during the holidays. It's a good idea to give him some space to get through it. Hugs.
219.3
Size 10/M. Calves are 15.75... .25 from being able to buy real boots!
Will comment on everyone’s logs and catchup... but wanted to wish everyone a happy new year.
Can’t sleep... 3am... have to leave for dog sitting tomorrow
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!
Nice job on being a size 10! You did 100% great this year. Always getting back on track and eating healthier than when you started! nicely done!
Lots of positive things you mention that are in the works for this year. and i feel you on not sleeping. i've been off and on too. !!!
Back on the horse after a 3 day food and tv marathon. I just stayed up too late on fri night because my clock was pointing in the other direction and my outdoor timer was nudged to “off”... probably my mom while I was dog sitting. In any case... I got off track for three days and spent today making a checklist for my week so that everyday I can just check things off and give myself credit for the things I do pull off.
Kickboxing instructor wants to see me again on thursday. At least something is going my way. I swear the feeling of someone else being “there “ and liking me helped me get my mending done, struggle my dad’s enormous 1980s printer into the car, sort clothes for donations and storage, and otherwise kick myself in the butt to get back on track instead of losing a week to a sleep disruption- triggered self pity cycle. Need to do the things that will help me deserve him.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!
So get back on the horse and get a string of successful days going.
Looking forward to a fun date with the kickboxing instructor! But I think my meal prep tray was a little off this morning... Tummy is not happy. I swear cooked eggs last 4 days but maybe not. Hopefully some tums will help me out. I am a pile of overwhelm because my tummy is in bad shape, I’m sweating, just walked my dog and couldn’t go all the way around tjhe block before I had to come back so she is mad... it is hot and bright outside and it requires organization to get it together to get out the door... I was up at 6:30, it’s 12:30 and all I have accomplished is a pedicure, shower/dressed, eating, putting away dishes and walking my dog. I am watching a movie on amazon as background noise but I keep rewinding it... so it’s taking me 6h to watch one movie.
Breathe. You can do this!
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!
let us know about how the date goes!!!!!!!!
How was Monday's movie with Mr. Kickboxer?
Hope your tummy feels better soon. Tums is a miracle worker in my home too.
Anxious. I think I botched it with the kickboxing instructor. Only time will tell. I see him Monday for a movie.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!
it can't be so bad if you still have a movie planned!
Have a case of cranky today. Just up a couple of pounds and didn’t get enough done this week and missed yoga last night because I was dehydrated and yoga today because I wasn’t getting moving fast enough. Also my hair isn’t falling into place like it was when I got it cut a month ago and my clothes feel messy.
So just need to shake it off and walk my dog. Make things better. Work harder.
This was good on realigning when you are feeling overwhelmed... https://www.thecultivatedcareer.com/blog/overwhelmed-seven-strategies-to-help-you-realign
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!
Some days are just more cranky than others... Sometimes you can rescue the day, sometimes it's better to go to bed early.
DOWN ALMOST 3LBS!!!!!
Proving that it is possible to date and lose weight at the same time if you date someone who doesn't try to pull you off track... and likes to do fun, healthy things like archery and dog walks/dog park. Also, does not complain if you pull meal prep trays and some drinks out of your cooler and cheerfully eats with you... because you have health goals and this is how you plan to achieve them and running to McDonalds would mean a much later movie. And is willing to eat kale, hummus, and other chick foods. Because a kickboxing instructor is basically a walking appetite and all food is good.
There are women on much weirder diets than "I pack a cooler and eat that".
I was getting super frustrated there for a bit... because I was eating on track, burning a lot of calories and nothing on the scale was moving at all... It basically laughed at me. But now I feel validated.
Also... as graindart would point out... I am past the 100lb mark. Not at the 206 I wanted to be by January, but close is good enough and I'm not going to make myself crazy over this. The weight is just a metric of other changes I am making in my life and is a result of those overall changes... not the other way around. This time last year I was 240lbs.
Today, I buy a new thermostat, do a quick grocery run, sit at Starbucks to do job applications and personal stuff, then go to yoga at 7:30pm.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!
wow....another 3lbs down! amazing!!
YES!...regarding dating someone that lets you be YOU! this is a goal of mine...previous semi-relationship i was in, i ate what i wanted, when i wanted...it was good. he wasn't a boyfriend, but it was a relationship of some kind. ...
yes, weight comes off as it wants to and it's best not to put a timeline or due date on when it should be gone by....i agree 100%!
Congratulations on passing the 100 lb mark. For me, it's both a triumph of accomplishment and also an embarrassment that I let myself get that far out of control. Thankfully it feels like a triumph 99% of the time and only embarrassing 1% of the time.
Took measurements on Monday and crunched them... Although my weight hasn't changed I lost a bunch of bodyfat... which explains the super weird photo... Yes... compared to past photos, my legs are weirdly skinny and my middle must look bigger by comparison... BECAUSE I LOST 3" OFF MY CALVES!!!! OMG! I CAN BUY REAL BOOTS!
For anyone who does not know... shoe manufacturers do not make real outdoor or work quality knee high boots for wide calves. Even when they are leather it is still fashion quality... which means they aren't as comfortable and can't be re-soled or repaired. It also means it is harder to walk any distance in them.
So happy...
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
congrats on losing so many inches on your calves!!!!!!!!! amazing!!!
Discontent today.
It may be that I slept till 10 so I am trying to get ready to meet KI (kickboxing instructor) while my parents are up which means they keep getting in the way so I am losing time and have a lot of cleanup everytime I cross paths with them. They just make messes everytime I turn around. Have had to change outfits 3x and will need to handwash them later.
It may be that I met friends of a friend for a birthday dinner and felt out of place. I don’t drink at all now and I have no flexibility for the occasional unhealthy treat and these ladies are as large as I was and it broke my heart to see them being unhealthy... but also made me feel isolated. It was also quietly terrifying... One of the ladies sitting next to me was too heavy for her chair. The metal of the chair fatigued and she took a bad fall... the kind you have to sue over because it may have really injured her. I had the feeling she’s diabetic with other health problems and I just fear for her.
It may be that I look like a barrel. I had an odd photo with a friend on friday night and it looked like I had my head, arms and legs photoshopped onto a fatter body with no boobs. I took measurements this morning and discovered this is because I have lost inches off my neck, arms, boobs, and calves... but my tummy and hips are the same. This will change over the next couple of weeks but it feels unsexy today.
It may be that the house is still a mess.
It may be that I haven’t gotten anything done this week and feel anxious.
It may be that I just very badly want a massive steak, a real mani pedi, and a hug.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
Photographs can lie, just sayin'... try to focus more on feeling good on the inside. Self-confidence is so sexy. I once met a man who was ... well, nothing to look at, if you take it a part.. but he was so self-confident that everyone wanted to be with him.
Have a good time with KI -- relax, enjoy, and live in the moment with him.
good job not drinking, i don't love it either. just once in ahwile...like this coming thursday night at the work holiday party.
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Glad to see that you have come back.......looks like good goals!
TY! I tried to make them measurable and realistic!
graindart on 01/16/2019:
Glad someone has a list and determination to work towards completing it.
Seems like my list lately is:
1. Don't screw up all the hard work you've completed by regressing back to your old ways.
Donkey on 01/16/2019:
Welcome back - good to hear from you again :) Great list of goals!
horn_of_plenty on 01/17/2019:
Wow your goals are very specific and concrete ! I don't know my fasting blood sugar - you motivate me to maybe start delving into it!!
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