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happy-1 - Tuesday May 17, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Tues 5-17-22 8am

The cat and I are locked in battle royale... I insist she eat wet food because she has small, hard poops. I have stopped the hard cat treats as well. She says she hates wet food AND people food, WHERE is her kibble? WHERE are her center-filled treats? THIS IS NOT what she signed up for! Baby food? Baby food? Really? No. Stop this at once she says. She knows better than to wake me up, but the minute my eyes opened she was all over me for breakfast. Baby food from last night was uneaten.

Stats today were weird. Body battery is continuing to charge higher overnight. It was in the 90s this AM. Blood pressure was a little high. Not sure why. Blood sugar was 150. Had a REM dropout and only got 45 minutes, so today will be quiet and at home. After I get dad his treats.

Never run out of dad or cat treats.

I think I have narrowed down sleep quality issues to stress and exertion after 3pm. Looking for ways to detox cortisol to fix that. So far I have found dark chocolate and L-Theanine...

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/17/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 05/17/2022:
9:45 Tried to do PT but I am so tired I can’t even sit up in my chair. Lying down. Maybe I can get a nap… Ha. Not like it will happen. Forget going to the grocery store. I guess today is a buffer day.

happy-1 on 05/17/2022:
11:45 placed instacart order

12:30 caregiver group

I’m so tired and miserable all I want to do is go to bed.

happy-1 on 05/17/2022:
Forgot… 11:30 2 cheese wheels and too many keto crackers.

happy-1 on 05/17/2022:
Nutritionist in caregiver group says the cycle of drama > poor sleep quality is cortisol. Got her email.

2:30 almonds and stevia chips

3:40 instacart delivery. Dad drama - accused me of lying about consulting him before instacart order last night augh.

Can I please go to sleep and wakeup tomorrow?

4pm ate too many chicken wings. Meant to split them with dad but they were too spicy for him.

4:20 lying down again


Jacky82020 on 05/17/2022:
Have you tried tuna, the kind for humans.? We used to get an off brand cheap & the cats loved it. Currently buy big cases of Friskies canned food which they eat in the evening. Feed kibble mornings.

happy-1 on 05/17/2022:
I will try that!!!! I think I have some here! She ate wet cat food this morning


horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2022:
lol that's annoying for the cat to behave like a toddler yes!


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happy-1 - Monday May 16, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

 Mon 5-16-22 8:30 am

Shocked by good stats today as I mixed it up today. Last night, I went to bed as soon as I yawned, earlier than intended, and got to sleep by 12:30. Working my way back to a normal bedtime. I slept 8 hours and got enough REM. Body battery over 70. My fasting sugar was down to 120. My blood pressure was 118/73. Hydration, 86%. I will weigh in in a little bit. Who ia this almost on the mend person????

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
10:30, up again. Weighed in… 250!!! Hopefully that is period weight gain.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Called my aunt back. Nice conversation. She thinks I should get out and do more activities… thinks it is I don’t know what I would like to do… I KNOW what I would LIKE to do… the issue is that I am fatigued. Last week, I got out to 3 errands and 2 were stores, then I meal prepped. It knocked me back down again. At least I could report normal blood pressure and being able to do away with the fanny pack.

Ate. Tofu scramble, Ratio bar, almond milk with instant tea. No added sweetner because of what I learned from the Huberman Lab podcast yesterday about insulin sensitivity.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Tidied my bedroom. Had to lay dow after. 12:30 now. Will get up and do pt at 12:45.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
12:45 did part of PT.

1 Took dad to 2pm appt. Was going to walk but it was too hot and bright out. Sat in the car on reddit instead and got an answer on what protein powder would be better. On the way home dad had 3 or 4 errands to do that I said no to. I am only doing one thing at a time right now so I don’t burn out. That included not stopping for fast food sandwiches on the way home because he wouldn’t agree to only buy one. He has congestive heart failure!!!! None is better! I made him a burger when we got home then I heated up one of my meal preps.

4:20pm done eating

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
5pm, 2 cheese wheels and some keto crackers

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
6 back from my walk! Updated my habit tracker while lying down.

happy-1 on 05/17/2022:
At some point had an orgain shake, some supreme pizza shiritaki noodles, and almonds.

11:30 in bed.took melatonin and glycine. Looking forward to tomorrow. For once!


Maria7 on 05/16/2022:
Glad you are having a good day.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Hugs!


horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2022:
12:30a is a big improvement from your times last week xoxo

you are also doing better on your scale! yes, keeping things in check nicely!

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Ty! Slow progress is stiill progress. Let’s not forget the all-important ditching of the fanny pack unless actually hiking


Donkey on 05/17/2022:
This is such a positive post, and wonderful updates. I hope you have more days like this one.


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happy-1 - Sunday May 15, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Sun 5-15-22 11am

Pulling it back together a little bit at a time. Target bedtime was 2am last night. Fell asleep at 3:37am. Earlier than yesterday at 3:30am. Sleep uality held. I'll try for 1am tonight. I need to be up by 8, so it will be enough. I keep drinking my chocolate protein powder from before I started doing lower carb... it has 15 carbs per serving so not terrible but more than I can pull off without spiking sugar. I didn't buy any treats for myself this week and I keep forgetting to buy apples... and I had 2 shakes yesterday so my sugar was high. I totaled up my calories from the meal prep I did yesterday and discovered that Istill need to add 800-1000 calories to them!!! Veggies and protein without fat just don't have enough. No wonder I ate a whole costco bag of keto crackers in 2 days. I didn't have enough calories in my meals.

Mixing it up for next week... trying for a different set of 6 core stats for success measurement. I just need to find the right dominos.

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
1:50, back from 45 min walk. Taking a break then making dad pancakes. Having a protein shake because… that’s my best option right now

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
2:50 just made dad pancakes. I ate the burned parts and f’d my sugar because it was on top of the protein shake. Ugh. Flopping into bed for a break

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
5:30. Flopping over again. I got up for a few minutes, washed more dishes, meal prepped keto hot breakfast mix for the week. I’ll fill jars tomorrow. Had to dry a bunch. Heated up chili meal prep with spinach.

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
Ate two cheese wheels and half a costco bag of keto crackers again. I can’t buy those anymore. I can’t stop.

7:20 just finished making dad a burger. I am a giant waste of space and resources.


Donkey on 05/15/2022:
I've thought about mixing it up for a week, as well. Ha ha - I just realized I didn't anticipate this week (like tomorrow) being the starting date. Might need a week to mentally prepare.

But I really like how you said you just need to find the right dominos. I like that!

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Inch by inch! Mix it up next week then!


Maria7 on 05/15/2022:
One day at a time!

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
You can say that again!


bearcountrygg on 05/15/2022:
Nice walk you got in.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Ty!


horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2022:
yeah, and not very satisfying to have only veggies and protein with no fat. too many missing food groups! fat is good for your skin and nutrition as well xoxo

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
And yummy!


Donkey on 05/16/2022:
You are NOT a giant waste of space & resources. Who said that? Shame on them.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
I said that. I should be able to do more, I’m putting so much work into getting better.


Jacky82020 on 05/16/2022:
You’re making me miss Costco lots. Was on my way home from work in San Diego. The Sam’s here sucks. They offered up one free year membership & I just said no.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
And did I mention the tasting buffet of free samples? ;-)


legcramps on 05/16/2022:
Berating yourself does nothing to benefit you. Do you journal? If you do, or if you would consider it - I would start a gratefulness journal for yourself where you can focus on a part of your character or personality that shines - and you have so many of these beautiful parts. You need to affirm your worthiness. You deserve the same quality of life as anyone else.

After a while, we start believing the things we say about ourselves. You are a smart, capable, loving person who has made it through so much already. You should be proud of yourself for continuing to strive to be better. Hugs.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
Ty. This is my journal…


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happy-1 - Saturday May 14, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Sat  5-14-22 12pm:

Despite best efforts yesterday I ended up with insomnia till 3am. Can only think that the grocery shopping, meal prepping and chores were too much for me and I wore myself out. I fell asleep about 3:30, woke up about 10:30, walked at 11. Trying Aura for insomnia. Free trial. This might just be a case of paying a toll for overdoing it, but I can't tell when I am overdoing it.

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/14/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
2:15am - just going to bed now. With any luck I can start moving my bedtime back half an hour a night. Augh.

Today I walked 20 min, picked up walmart groceries, hosted coworking, cleaned my bedroom, did PT (yay), made dad stuffed peppers, watched tv, and ate too much. Out of all of that, only PT moved me forward.

Thank you lord for all that you do.


bearcountrygg on 05/14/2022:
At least that is 7 hours.......you just have your bedtimes mixed up.


horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2022:
bear has a point above...not everyday is perfect...nice to hear you were very productive yesterday with how you spent the day xo


horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2022:
re the masterpiece theater comment you left me a few days ago: LOL LOL LOL. you hit the nail on the head!


Donkey on 05/15/2022:
Have you considered that maybe for you, your normal sleep schedule is a 2nd or 3rd shift? Except from when the kids were little, I've lived with a 2nd shift family for a long time. Night owls, sleep most of the mornings away...

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
Maybe… except it eventually leads to depression because I don’t like bright light and I live in Lis Angeles. It’s blinding after 10am. I was happiest when I got up early to surf.


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happy-1 - Friday May 13, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Fri 5-12-22 9:40am

Mama Cat is having her cativersary on the 19... when I adopted her last year. I dunno how we will celebrate... Rabies vaccine update and a microchip probably doesn't qualify as something a cat would enjoy. I still haven't bought her a collar... Haven't had the will to fight that battle and the one I want is $30. She's a completely different cat from the frazzled stray I took in... I can pick her up, put her on my lap and she just flops over and purrs. If I need to get up and get something, I can pick her up, go get it and put her back on my lap and she falls asleep again. So chill.

I'm inching closer to getting my sleep back on track. I got into bed on time last night, took 3h to fall asleep... but 11 is a lot better than 3am.I know my sugar must have been high because I slept over 9 hours. My alarm was set for 4:45 but I fell back asleep after I turned it off.

I feel pretty decent today... I've never seen my 7 day average REM so high so I must be doing something right. Maybe today is the first step towards getting better and better.


To celebrate, I splurged on some new walking shoes. I looked at the free people site and they are showing neutral sneakers, so I looked for a pair of walking shoes I don't hate and went one size up to accomodate toe spread like my running shoes do. Hopefully I did the right thing. I can return them, but you need to wear them to know if they fit. I am contemplating this sling bag to go with them... I really want to stop using my fanny pack... this could go around my waist in a pinch while pushing dad's wheel chair... No outside compartment for a water bottle though.

 
Still deciding about the bag. The advantage of the one I picked is that waxed canvas can be dipped in fabric sanitizer. Important when you are going in and out of hospitals and stuff with dad. I of course long for what is on the free people site but $$$ and the shoes aren't my size.
 

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
1:30 home from Costco. I haven’t spent that much time in a store since I don’t know when. There as a cute guy I helped pick almond milk. If I was more put together I might have been asked for digits. I’m in a relationship not blind.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
4:30… Lying down… OMG… I just meal prepped like I used to… and I want to pass out. I made 6 days of tofu scrambles, chicken and broccoli, turkey chili… and a hamburger for dad… And I washed 2 sinks of dishes sitting there before I even touched the dishes I used. Garmin says to rest… HA!!! 23 body battery points in 3 hours. I definitely need to rest… but that I did the planning, shopping (no instacart) lugging, cooking, cleaning… all on the same day… that’s the power of the 20 body battery points higher I charge with the electric off at night plus 4 nights of good REM in a row.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
6:30 showered. Ready for bed, but still have 1:30 left before lights out.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
With a year gone by… maybe next week I try going to the beach again. See if I make it all the way down the hill this time.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
8 in bed. Sleepcast on.

Lord, thank you for all that you do. Thank you for my dad, space to heal, bobcat, mama cat. Please watch over my mom. Please help me get rem and recharge tonight.

happy-1 on 05/14/2022:
11… still up. Ugh

happy-1 on 05/14/2022:
1:25 still up


bearcountrygg on 05/13/2022:
It's hard to believe that you have had Mama Cat a year...That time flew by. That is a big difference in prices.....

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
Yeah… I’m only slightly less of a mess though. I really should have made more progress in a year.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
A big difference in prices and probably quality and style, but I’m not working

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
I’m pretty sure the fanny pack has to go though for me to feel better, and with consistent pt, it now can.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
I just can’t tell if I really did find good swaps.


Donkey on 05/14/2022:
Probably the best way to celebrate with your cat is to have extra cuddles, maybe a food treat that she likes. Does she like to be brushed? For yourself, take pictures of her or selfies with her. :-)

I hope you did get some sleep. Ironic that you mention that you're catching up on sleep and then had issues falling asleep. Subconscious self-sabotage?

I like the Sketchers walking shoes. Those look nice enough to wear at the office, for myself. Maybe I should look at getting a pair, too. I'm on the fence about a new bag. I love bags, but I have too many, which is why I feel like I'm the last person to advise on this matter - because my advice would be, Get it (if you think it will help). LOL, what a silly Donkey I am.


horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2022:
the good thing with amazon is you can return them if you do not like the fit...i'm taking advantage at times of their return policy as of late...not much taking advantage actually - but returning things that i felt didn't work out and the return was pretty simple. happy.

also, i like pets that are comfortable and not fussy. 2 of my 3 gps are quite chill also. the 3rd one is not!


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happy-1 - Thursday May 12, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Thurs 5-12-22 11:45am

Caught flat-footed today. I had insomnia again last night and slept till 7 when my alarm went off. Then I took stimulants which knocked me out again. Instead of being able to get up and get out for a walk, I'm tidying up my bedroom and getting ready to facethe dad onslaught of requests... and I haven't been grocery shopping so I don't have an easy breakfast to down so I can be ready to talk to him. Or get caffeine in me first... although I am probably better off skipping that today given that I woke up so late. At least I have water and a granola bar. I am dressed. I have had 5 nights of REM out of 7. I didn't check sugar, hydration, or BP this morning but I feel ok.  can do this. I can help dad change the Internet bill.

Augh. Too messed up to be a functional adult. Not sick enough to qualify for assistance. 

A familiar pattern...

Not enough REM > Emotional vulnerability and poor choices that affect sugar and bedtime. > Which in turn keep sugar up making bedtime harder to control... > Not moving forward. I think. Throw in the hormonal variability of perimenopause and I'm screwed.

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/12/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 05/12/2022:
5pm. All I managed to do today was a 45 min walk. Being off schedule sucks. I have rem sleep, I feel better, but I’m just in a puddle of fog

happy-1 on 05/12/2022:
5:30 Staring the dreaded process with dad on changing Internet providers. Augh.

happy-1 on 05/12/2022:
40 minutes of arguing, got him to make the call I can’t make for him. But progress was made.

7:10pm watching Poldark. I probably can’t fall asleep on time, but I can try.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
8pm. Turned off tv and went to bed.

10:20pm still up. I finished Poldark. How did they only make 5 seasons? There should have been 10!

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
Lord thank you for my father, the space to heal, bobcat, mamacat… please help me sleep on schedule and get rem.


Jacky82020 on 05/12/2022:
Keep on trucking, you can do it, Hap!


Jacky82020 on 05/12/2022:
Just wanted to thank you again for the inspiration to use a wristband to remember to plug the sump tank filter back in. Haven’t forgotten once! I have to pull the plug twice a day to feed them.


bearcountrygg on 05/12/2022:
A 45 minute walk is something.....I glad you got that in.

happy-1 on 05/12/2022:
I made it the priority after logging this am. Try to get sugar back down and asleep earlier tonight.


Donkey on 05/13/2022:
^I agree with Bear's comment. I noticed the walk, too, and that's an accomplishment for the day.

I would not envy anyone having to deal with internet providers on any level. Bleah... I can't stand ours, but it blows the competition out of the water for internet speed. Having had 3 gamers - now 2 - in the family, I guess it's important to have really good internet speed.


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happy-1 - Wednesday May 11, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Wednesday 5-11-22 8:45am

No idea how, but I fell asleep almost on time last night. 9:45. Woke at 7am. Got REM again. Feeling human. I guess it was the 4 nights in a row of bad sleep quality that did me in and made me vulnerable on Friday night... Just a breaking point I need to watch for. It looks like I can maintain habits with 3 nights in a row bad sleep but not 4, and no more than 4 total in a week. So that's the rule of thumb I need to remember somehow.

Weight was down to 247 yesterday. I lost the weight I gained on the Temazepam. Now I start pushing forward again.

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
Got out today at about 12. Went to buy equine pine pellets for the cat litter, some odd at the dollar store, and gas. I had three more errands to do but I'm trying not to push myself too hard and came home. It's more important to continue to heal and get out again tomorrow than push.

3pm. Nobody is showing for coworking. Feels like a treat.

happy-1 on 05/12/2022:
I have no idea where the day went after 3pm. Dad didn’t want a hamburger because there weren’t any pickles, so I made pickles. I had dinner and watched Poldark. Somehow it was midnight. Then my right leg cramped up. It’s been 2 hours and stretching isn’t helping. 1:45am and trying to go to bed again.

Lord, thank you for my dad, shelter and space to heal. Ty for bobcat. Ty for 3 nights of REM sleep and being able to go on errands the last 2 days. Please help me get sleep back on track… I can turn it all around if you do.


Jacky82020 on 05/11/2022:
That Garmin always so nicely displays stats.

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
That’s actually Habitshare… It’s a habit tracking app. I track habits like checking my blood sugar and hydration in the morning for streaks.


Jacky82020 on 05/11/2022:
Sounds like a good idea! Are you diabetic or just monitoring your glucose level? I did it for a while inspired by book The Switch, but stopped. Almost predictable

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
Diabetic. It's critical for me to check because I'm doing it with diet and exercise, and only a little Glipizide if I miscalculate. I can't take the medication side effects.


bearcountrygg on 05/11/2022:
Looks good.

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
TY!


Jacky82020 on 05/11/2022:
Sounds like you’re doing the smart thing then with the CGM!


Donkey on 05/12/2022:
Very interesting! I think you are doing quite well, at least most of the time. Battle onward!


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happy-1 - Tuesday May 10, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Tues 5-10-22 11am

Ugh. Got so hooked on Poldark on Masterpiece Theater I accidentally stayed up till 2 am and didn't fall asleep till 3:30am. That's on my bad habits, and also because I didn't have my alarm clock in view. I slept till 11am.

At least I finally feel like I've had enough REM sleep. Good day to do errands, so that's something.

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/10/2022:
Inch by inch.


horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2022:
lol to masterpiece theater on channel 13 !!! :) good for you. i haven't heard of Poldark tho, but i'm guessing its historic..

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
I’m doing the PBS subscription on Amazon Prime… It’s bottomless Masterpiece Theater. I’ve never felt so old and white.


bearcountrygg on 05/10/2022:
I'm afraid I would have fallen asleep in the chir and woke up in the morning...LOL

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
That would actually have worked out great! I can’t nod off in a chair unless I am sick.


Donkey on 05/11/2022:
Ah, "Poldark" - I was wondering which Masterpiece Theater show you were hooked on. I never started this show, probably because I know I'd be hooked. The main actor, Aidan Turner, I've seen him in other shows, and he's dreamy.

I hope you have a good day today. I drained my body battery down to 15 last night and thought of you! (lol)

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
15 isn't too bad, but you'll feel a ton better if you can keep it at least that every night. 25 is better.


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happy-1 - Monday May 09, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Monday 5-9-22 8:40am

Back from my walk. On a morning where I woke up completely down and defeated... The new sweats made it a lot easier to just get up and go for a walk. Inch by inch, pebble by pebble, I will turn this all around.

Very tired. Was up till almost 1. Sugar was high overnight. I feel like crap.

 

Need to host coworking. I should go grocery shopping but I can't face it.

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/09/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 05/09/2022:
Weighed in at 249 but no wifi so garmin didn’t log it

happy-1 on 05/09/2022:
120m. Hit brain fry. Tired from only sleeping 5h. At least I got REM. Keeping it quiet today so that I can recover and rock it tomorrow. 2 people showed for coworking! I am useful.


bearcountrygg on 05/09/2022:
If sleeping in exercise clothes helps then that is a winner!!! Good job getting out for that walk.

happy-1 on 05/09/2022:
TY!


horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2022:
i'm proud of you for going on the walk! hello! i need to get on my walk, right now actualy! xo

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
TY!!!


Donkey on 05/10/2022:
Managed to remember to check my body battery this morning, first thing. Body battery only 56, and sleep score was 68, with a Fair rating. Stress levels during sleeping are Poor.

happy-1 on 05/10/2022:
My stress levels while sleeping are poor when my sugar is high. Does your respiration while sleeping drop below 14? Does your pulse ox while sleeping fall below 94?


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happy-1 - Sunday May 08, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 248.7

Sun 5-8-22 7:40am

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!

I miss my mom.

Shake it off.

Somehow despite lying around like a sloth yesterday, or because of it, I dozed off at 8:30 while running the AC before bed. Oops. I not only didn't turn off the electric, I ran up the bill. At leat I got up at 2 and turned it off. Augh. I slept 10 hours and got a ton of REM. The cat kept checking to make sure I am still breathing. She would definitely eat me if I wasn't. She is not happy with this switch to wet food we are doing and has stuck her mouse in the middle of her plate, like a cake topper.

Time to go for a walk and do something worthwhile with my day. One day of just giving up and lying there was a necessary sacrifice. 2 leads to depression.

Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
7:50… ok, I will walk and conquer the day after I make tea in the steamer and lay here for 15 more minutes….

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
9am. Just finished my tea. I can get my body moving and do a walk. I can overcome inertia and get moving again. Get on schedule for tomorrow.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
9:30am. Back from my walk. Dad wants to engage. I’m torn between staying clear so I can pull myself back together and start the week off right tomorrow… or making blueberry pancakes and sausage in honor of mom for mother’s day. I miss her. I really miss her. Made my bed. My bedroom is in disarray from not feeling well yesterday. I should probably start there. I need to resist the urge to lie in bed all day and watch tv a second day in a row or I won’t build up enough sleep drive. I definitely need to do laundry.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
10:30... Laundry started. Breakfast is heating up. Tidying of bedroom in progress. It's not a mess, it's just a little awry and visually cluttered because the space is multi-use.

Told dad I'd make pancakes for lunch. He got hopeful I went grocery shopping, I said no I planned ahead for Mother's Day.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
12:45pm Laundry done. More tidying done. Next time to change dad sheets, wash them and start pancakes.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
Oops. spoke too soon. Dad is asleep. Can't make any noise to wake him. I'll make them for dinner.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
4pm. Sugar is finally back down in range. Step one of getting back up is in progress. Bedroom is tidy. I’ve been watching Masterpiece theater because I don’t want to make a lot of boise doing chores in the house while he sleeps. He’s finally in the bed.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
7:48 Dad doesn’t want pancakes because there’s no milk. He won’t drink powdered or almond. Sigh.

9:41 still up watching tv. Do I know better? Yes.

happy-1 on 05/09/2022:
12:20 am. Finally in bed. Should have been here hours ago. If I just avoided my dad I’d be in better shape but it’s not realistic.

happy-1 on 05/09/2022:
Someday I would like to be completely indifferent to my dad and not so crushed every time I interact with him.

happy-1 on 05/09/2022:
Lord, thank you for shelter, bobcat, and my cat. Please help me get restorative sleep tonight and host a good coworking session tomorrow. Help me be more joyful and a better person.


Donkey on 05/08/2022:
(((hugs))) A walk always seems to help me clear my mind.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
Yes!!!


bearcountrygg on 05/08/2022:
I'm surprised that she dislikes the wet food.......it's usually the other way around.....Definitely ...too much thinking leads to depression.....I started taking B12 the other day and I have to say......I feel better mentally....( of course one should ask the DR if they are on prescription meds.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
I bet b12 helps a lot!

I'll feel good again

She's a weird cat... she won't eat chicken, beef, or other people food except deli turkey... only likes kibble and hard treats... but she's constipated so time to restrict her to wet food. I'll get her some baby food tomorrow. I don't want to spend a bunch of money on a vet removing impacted stuff from her bowels.


horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2022:
it's good to see you are up and ready for the day. i love long sleeps like you had!

i'm sure your mom is looking over you :)


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