Super tired and will write more tomorrow... but I have had 3 on track days and feel like I have leveled up like in a video game.
Go team.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Day 36 on Noom
Day 4 of enforcing boundaries around time management with dad
Dad tantrum count this AM: 8
3 night streak of controlled bedtime eating (counting last night as controlled because I didn't eat enough during the day)
Support group last night was helpful. I think I horrified two very well maintained older ladies who care for their husbands and are good friends. They are the type who go to book groups and drink wine. I hit it off with a lady who takes care of her 90+ year old mom, and she invited me to a shop ride and a bike clinic. I declined the shop ride... I don't think I can keep up right now, but I said yes to the bike clinic. I will be there Saturday with bells on.
The support groups are helpful but I feel bad after... Like I freaked everyone out. But at least the lady last night didn't run away screaming.
Plan for the day is to take dad on errands... Doctor, McDonald's, Ralphs... Then come home and collapse. I don't think I want to eat anything at McDonalds. They have a chicken southwest salad, but it's a lot of sodium and preservatives... and not that good. I'll bring something in from my cooler while dad eats that, see if they say anything.
Day 35 on Noom
Today is day 2 of enforcing boundary wih dad assignment from therapist. 2 business, 1 errand, and 1 quality time session, 2h each. If he passes, we try again at the next schedued session. He has been talked through it with the bereavement counselor, the pro organizer showed him how to use the calendar and shopping list. I reminded him of today's session last night, and managed his resulting tantrum. I went out at the appointed time and tried to get him started and he threw a tantrum and passed on the session. I went and hid in my bedroom and had breakfast and coffee in there. I spent the time woring on getting Alexa to work better for him and documented the instructions. Then I went out to get food and managed the next tantrum. Then I realized that since Thursday of last week the house has gotten gross again. I gave up, showered and I started in my bedroom and hung up clothes, vacuumed, etc. I still have piles and piles of tools and christmas ornaments in my bedroom.
Augh.
4pm and I am too exhausted to go to yoga at 5pm... probably the infection on my foot which is at least better than yesterday with the antibiotics and I can walk on it again.
I am taking a break and watching Hulu. Then I will get up and go to the caregiver support group. Tomorrow is another day.
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Coffee: Coffee, Lairds Unsweetened Creamer, nonfat milk powder
Breakfast: Apple, cheddar cheese stick, 2 hard boiled eggs
Tea: Tea, milk, stevia
Lunch: Lean cuisine chicken parm, 4 cups veggies
Tea: Skipped
4 PM Hangry Snack: 1 cheese stick, tortilla chips... Would have had carrots, but tantrum.
Dinner: Skipped
Tea: Just plain decaf tea
Extra Snacks: Chicken teriyaki leftovers, tortilla chips and salsa - Hot chocolate mug cake, Protein pancake, 1/2 a pbj on wheat. Red because of bedtime eating.
Exercise:
1 Thing to Move Forward:
I think you've done incredibly well. I wish you had more for yourself, but I understand that it doesn't work that way.
Noom seems to be helping!
Noom actually is helping. I need the structure. Behind on the articles though.
More for myself? What do you mean?
Day 34 on Noom
Took a couple of days off to get a break and I am back now.
Didn't binge eat last night. Sleep cycle shows two blue nights in a row and my body battery was almost 90 this morning. I am refreshed and back at it.
Goal for tonight is to finish sorting and storing tools so I have my bedroom back.
Percolator is set up... Ordered more of my favorite tea at an online sale price... Let my 2 goals for the week begin:
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Ok... this is where I get myself into trouble. I waaaaaaay missed my time to take sleep meds. I'm still hungry. The PB in the kitchen is calling my name and wants me to unite it with J and white bread for sweet harmony.
Not today satan. Not today.
Caffeinated... Any black tea with a little of this mixed in. It's probably 90% lead and cancer. I need to buy a new jar and am trying to find something without a Prop 65 warning.
https://www.amazon.com/Laxmi-Natural-Tea-Masala-Traditional/dp/B003XD73NS/ref=asc_df_B003XD73NS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312191465664&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6606752658777311831&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9031026&hvtargid=pla-570727806876&psc=1
Day 30 on Noom
I don't want to weigh in today... I don't want to know. I made the best ever chicken teriyaki last night and had waaaaaay too much, then topped it off with an orange and 2 chocolate mug cakes. Insomniac eating. Today, my gut is busting out of the gap between my sweats and my t shirt. I feel disgusting.
Percolator shows up tomorrow so I can start tea ritual.
Dad's bereavement counselor is coming over today. I'm not looking forward to it. Family friend who used to run senior centers and the very experienced elder care consultant he referred me to both say she gave us the worst direction coaching ever. My feeling about it is "what fresh hell is this" ala Stan from the Evil Dead.
It's 8:30 AM. I have had coffee and Alleve. It is time to get my day started. Plan:
At least I made some progress yesterday... I opened and sorted my mail and read some of it. I have been doing so much of my dad's stuff, I haven't been doing mine. Time to put that on hold and work on me. I keep saying I will do that, but then I do his stuff instead because he is here pounding on me and I just want some peace. Boundaries and focus. Boundaries and focus. I need to get back to yoga.
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Meal schedule I put in my calendar... Need to get back on track. Maybe I will even make a meal plan.
Coffee: Coffee, nonfat milk powder, Laird's creamer
Breakfast: Eggs, spinach, enhilada sauce, 1 tbsp black beans, 2 tbsp cheese, 1 corn tortilla, seltzer
Exercise:
Tea:
Lunch:
Tea:
4 PM Hangry Snack:
Dinner:
Tea:
Extra Unplanned Meals:
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Day 29 on Noom
Accidentally surprised Dad in the bathroom this morning. Neither of us will ever truly recover.
Had call with therapist in AM and then went directly out to coffee and lunch. I spent the whole day out of the house until it was time to go to the caregiver support group. I brought stuff with me to work on, but I didn't do it. All I could do was sit and stare and let my mind empty out. When I went to pick up my equine pine pellets for my tom cat, I gave the guys at the hardware store a turn... I was super enthusiastic (at a level that was a little unbalanced) about being able to order and pick up locally and not drive 40 min to get it. They asked why I was driving to get special cat litter... I said if you are not a cat person and you have a cat this stuff makes the experience of having a cat so much less horrible... I inherited the cat... I can live with everything but stepping on gravel and clay and it smells so much better. He goes through one of these a month... I'll see you next month. They just stared at me and finally the oldest guy said sometimes it's the little things... order in store by Tuesday and we'll have it on Thursday... I think he's "been there".
The caregiver support group... Those poor people look like they were hit by the bus they considered throwing themselves in front of... and I guess that includes me. When it was time for me to introduce myself, I just opened my mouth and everything came tumbling out of my mouth like emptying a bucket of legos. They were very nice about it. I think one of the guys is getting recruited by a cult... something about a 40 day program that tears down your psyche to rebuild it, daily meditation rituals at the center, and a special diet. Time will tell.
I tried having better, more satisfying meals while out yesterday (delightful discovery that the international grocery has added a persian lunch counter... the best lentil soup!!!!) but I still ended up binge eating after my bedtime snack. I was just going to have 2 corn tortillas with refred beans, cheese, and hot sauce, but instead I ended up having 2 more of those, 2 pbjs on actual white bread, and an RX bar. F****************
Up on time today.
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maybe you didn't eat enough while out and you were too hungry when you got home...try to bring a snack to eat so you don't go home ravenous, even sucking candies..i take them on the ride home if i am really hungry.
Day 28 on Noom
Still binge eating at night. No idea why, except that this new behavior started when Mom passed along with falling asleep with the tv on. I made chicken teriyaki for dinner over coleslaw steamed in the pan with water. Then I had an RX bar as a bedtime snack... Which turned into 3 more RX bars, a lean cuisine and some mini pretzels. I really need to stop.
So I went shopping... also bad... but I need to stop this somehow and OA was NOT the solution and Noom is good, but not in my bedroom with me at night.
1. Electric Kettle
The behavior replacement nutritionist wanted me to do was to drink hot tea at night but the kettle is in the kitchen. Trying to keep my door closed once I go to bed for the night so I bought a small electric stainless steel coffee percolator on Amazon that will boil water for tea and can replace my plastic one cup coffee maker (I hope... plastic and hot water increases cancer risk). It was used and $10 off... Couldn't resist.
2. Black Running Shoes
I need to move more to eat less. My current running shoes are electric blue and lime green. Love them, but a) I need to save them for actual running, and b) they scream "Hey everyone! Look at my giant sasquatch feet!" These were 50% off, teenager-approved, all black, and blend for athleisure looks at the gym.
3. Yoga Coverup
The pretty white sharkbite tunic didn't work out. It was asian sizing and came nowhere near my butt. Hopefully this will cover my butt and take attention away from my gut until the yoga kicks in. It also is kind of slick so it might not gather pet fur. They had it in black, but I'm just so tired of black.
Today feels like a do over of yesterday. I have a call this AM, then I go pick up horse pine bedding for the cat boxes, then I try to get coffee and read mail. Maybe I can squeeze in yoga.
But the critical thing I need to do today is make it to the caregiver support group tonight.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Hey, I own that coffee pot! I hope it serves you well!
Black https://www.sierra.com/freedom-trail-by-kyodan-woven-dress-long-sleeve-for-women~p~770mk/?filterString=womens-dresses-and-skirts~d~493%2Fsizefamily~general!xl%2Cl%2F
Green https://www.sierra.com/freedom-trail-by-kyodan-woven-dress-3and4-sleeve-for-women~p~770kr/?filterString=womens-dresses-and-skirts~d~493%2Fsizefamily~general!xl%2Cl%2F
Day 27 on Noom
As always the ex-ish knocks me back on track. It's not like he does anything in particular. All my Garmin biometrics just suddenly go to the blue range. We joked that I have a device that measures how awesome he is and how much easier he makes me to live with. You can also tell by looking at my dog. I relax and my ancient dog will eat something and drink water.
Today I woke up and:
Pets are peacefully snoozing on their beds. I'm finishing my coffee. Plan for today:
Can't concentrate at home. Too keyed up from being hyper vigilant to avoid drama.
What definitely worked this weekend was that I did my Sams Club haul on the way to meeting up with him. I had a whole kitchen and nearly empty fridge to use to meal prep for this week and nobody yelling at me, manipulating me, or making constant demands on my time and attention while I did it. Super tempted to get my chuckbox out of storage and bring it with me next time.
What really surprised me was that the state of the house, the cat, and my dad were just fine when I got back from being away a night. He really is doing better. No wonder he is being such a pain in the...
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Didn't make it from my door to the front door fast enough (ironic because they are next to each other... maybe I need to start hopping out my bedroom window so I can get a cup of coffee and read my mail?) and got caught in helping dad... and wore myself out. My body battery shows a cliff drop from 70% to 30% with the helpful message "Pace yourself! if you keep going at this rate you will burn out."
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I did get to the post office. One achievement on my list. My ratty old tom cat is earning his chicken dinners today. I collapsed on my bed and he came over to purr in my ear. My stress level dropped down to blue.
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Why do I always forget about 800mg of advil and a cup of coffee for putting yourself back together.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Reading your comment I should probably put some hustle on finding a caregiver support group.
You really worked hard for your mom.
You inspired me to search online and I found caregiver support groups sponsored by a hospital next to Costco and Sams Club... So I can put an order in, pick it up, and go to group.
you are def doing well today. thanks for posting that you are well!
What is a chuckbox?
A chuckbox is a big box that serves as a portable camp kitchen. Usually made of wood or plastic.
https://www.rei.com/blog/camp/how-to-build-your-own-camp-kitchen-chuck-box
Mine is soft-sided and comes apart so it is easier to fit in a car. As I think about it, I could just pull out the bags and leave the table at home for meal prep. I like this because it leaves a little more space when packed and also works great out of the back of my car for tailgating.
https://www.petersenshunting.com/files/2017/05/kitchen_7.jpg
Day 26 on Noom
Actually caught myself checking the Noom calorie distribution today when I was about to eat string cheese, saw it was part of the red group and I was over calories on, and picked chicken instead.
Got up on time this morning. One foot in front of each other.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Day 23 on Noom
Dog woke me up at 5:30am. I was lucky and got 5/45 hrs of sleep so I will be functional if a little overwhelmed today. I could have gone to a 7:30 yoga class but last night was exhausting and I just stared into space for a couple of hours. The folks there were 10 kinds of crazy with the loss of their parent(s) and I was one of them. I did talk to a nice lady in the parking lot after for a while.
Eventually I got up and started doing mindless chores, and started my day. There's so many dishes to wash. I don't feel like washing them. I'd rather just throw them all away.
Tracking where my day goes...
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Nice job staying on track for 3 days!!!
Donkey on 01/25/2020:
Cheering you on!!! WOOT!!!
Horn_of_plenty on 01/25/2020:
go team is right, to all of us! Happy Weekend :-)
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