Inch by inch. One foot in front of the other. Working my way back up.
Garmin didn't track my sleep data (damn tech glitch), but I think I got good REM sleep because I feel better. That would be 3 out of the past 4 nights. Such a difference. I got up, dealt with dad tantrums, made a to do list, ran 2 errands on the same trip, did the critical things I needed to do to get ready for the handyman on wednesday, came home, did chores till I got past the hardest parts. Sucked up the evening "hit the wall" burnout crying I wanted to do and washed dishes and fed the pets.10pm and doing one more chore till 11, then giving up for the day.
I did my best today. I did everything I could. I did not sit down when I needed to be working. I kept pushing.
Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!
2 nights of REM sleep. Not in a row, but still an improvement. It's amazing what a difference it makes. I had one day of nearly none in between them, so human, crying mess, human.
The secret recipe for REM sleep the first night was too much keto cheesecake, watching hulu till 3am and passing out on the couch.
Tried to repeat next night with zero success.
The recipe for too much sleep the second night was no am coffee, giving up on productivity for the day at 7:30, and giving it to God, not start cleaning up for the night till I was at my crying exhaustion point, changing all my sheets, locking the cat in the bathroom (pest), waiting till I had actually stayed off my phone and all devices for an hour before taking sleep meds, cutting the Lunesta down to half (poison), taking them right as I got into bed, and. Putting on the deep sleep soundtrack that the Ex-ish tracked down and sent me as a gift on iTunes.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw.
In the interest of improving REM sleep, and to celebrate success... Idid a little shopping.1) Sleep bras from H&M, I just can't breathe at night in sports bras... and weirdly, it's almost a 4-8% improvement in sleep pulse oximeter readings if I go without, regardless of REM sleep numbers. 2) Real pajamas from SHEIN so I stop trying to sleep in my ripped and stained chore clothes and change the subliminal message to my brain that it isn't time to go to sleep yet. Apparently this is a thing and the therapist instructed me to do it way back when. I don't have any pajamas. I lost 100lbs and these aren't something I bought yet. I have seen them as too big an expense right now when I am not working... But REM sleep is essential and anything to help make that happen has to happen. Besides, it is almost my birthday, I get one splurge, and this way they will be here in time.
I have to get more REM sleep. My poor dad. Last night he asked me if we could get a phot of my mom he really liked enlarged and framed, and I started crying. Not because I miss my mom, but because the task seemed SO HARD I couldn't see how I would ever get it done. He got upset and apologized for asking... I said, no it is a totally reasonable request. I'm just so tired I can't do it. We won't go into the sad things I said after. I was too tired.
Successes:
Obstacles:
Having said that, I do agree with treating yourself to some nice sleepwear - bras, jammies, etc. - to help you achieve optimal sleep.
That's very interesting that what worked the 1 night didn't work again. I guess I should say that's unfortunate, because it would be nice to have a formula that you could go to that you knew would work. I would encourage you to keep looking for patterns that work for you. Sleep is everything.
3 for 15 put them in my price range. https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0898439001.html
Why not to wear a bra https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/magazine-10-important-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-wear-a-bra-to-bed/
I also see (now) your need to feel prepared in case of an earthquake. That hasn't occurred to me. Perhaps there is an underlying feeling of vulnerability when you go to sleep... like surrendering yourself.
Good Morning!
Who's got two thumbs and had a full night of REM sleep?
Who is ready to take on a wreckage of staggering proportions?
Not as brave as this chick, but diving in nonetheless.
Tucking in for the night. Cross another day off on the calendar. I have done all I can and if it was not my best, it was still my best for today.
Successes:
Obstacles:
Costs:
where'd you get this keto cheesecake? did you order it? (it is easy to make if you find the time....)
even though you got a lot done, maybe you didn't have the socialization you wanted. but, you progressed and got a lot done. seems that's the cost sometimes of success! the give and take of life, huh!?
Discovery... Keto cheesecake is satisfying enough that I don't buy frozen pizza... or at least I put it back before checking out.
Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!
i have, last year or so, made keto pumpkin cheesecake and it was DELICIOUS!
Frustration level is a 10 today.
Gratitude attitude shift. I am grateful that I have:
Tiny amount more sleep. Feeling slightly better.
Trying to work in the living room today instead of my bedroom for better sleep hygeine. I have been doing all daily activities in the same spot in my bed. Downside... dad won't stop bugging me for stuff. AAAAACK.
We will try to find a hat he can see that will tell him I am not available, don't bother me.
Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!
(((hugs))) you're doing a really good job !
do you have a couch in the living room to do work on? LOL...this is what i do...for comfort purposes. hahaha...
a desk would be better to work at, and i do have one!, but i find the couch much more comfortable!
it's nice to find the silver lining in things even if they are so stressful and frustrating <3
So all my data crunching yielded fruit. The mystery element is overall 30 day sleep debt. So like if I am 15 min short on sleep 30 days in a row, I don't notice it looking at my sleep stats on Garmin, but it's there lurking. When I push harder to get on track, I push that sleep debt just a little higher, I get more tired, and that makes me easier to derail.
I think if I crunch more data from my diary, I will figure out why sometimes that sleep debt accrues faster than others, or sometimes I don't "derail" that I notice because I am in the process of getting back on habit and not on habit yet to derail from.
Hypotheses as to why it is so much harder right now and why the sleep debt is so much worse... I'm wondering if my blood pressure meds are too strong for me now that I have normal to low blood pressure.
OT helped me frame my research a little bit so that I can show a doctor my sleep data and find a way to get on track.
Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!
but also, try not to emphasize too much on this lack of sleep...i fear it will stress you out...it would stress me...it has in the past!
Getting ready for the OT call. Creating a ranking system for my days to pinpoint where I need to pay attention to data.
Here is my 1-10 rating system for on track/off track
This system would be very good for graphing, if you're a visual person.
Planning to see where all the greens vs reds match up... And scare myself again!!!
Happy halloween... for middle aged women?
OT appt is tomorrow. Still crunching on my timeline. Finishing it is all I can think about. There are things that are more important, but it is stuck in my brain that somewhere in these stats and diary notes is the answer to why 2% of drama derails me 95% of the time.
Dad went out with the caregiver. I should take a bath but I'm actually too tired to do that and when they get back I need to go run errands. In the meantime, I get to sit in the living room like a human being, stress-free.
Aaaaah.
Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!
enjoy your rest, Happy!
That's very interesting to read your intake on how drama derails you. I think I could explore that observation in my own life - especially when it comes to work. Hmm...
I need to keep this short, but just wanted to sy I successfully enforced boundaries with dad today, did not wear myself out, and defended my rule of no drama, stress, or critical discussions after 6pm. I am in bed on time. Yay me
Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!
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Your best is all you can do. It's all any of us can do.
Jacky82020 on 09/29/2020:
The Fitbit never did all that great tracking my sleep. Said I was sleeping while in bed watching TV. Turned the function off. Keep it around my ankle and it’s a bit uncomfortable nights, worse on my wrist. The burned calories function is way off too. All I find useful are the steps, which are mostly bike peddling.
Donkey on 09/29/2020:
My Fitbit sometimes flakes out with tracking sleep. This week especially. I wonder if it's starting to die.
Sounds like a successful day that you can be proud of. Victorious!
bearcountrygg on 09/29/2020:
I gave up on the fitbit...it has lived in the drawer for quite some time now...and I just go by how I feel...which for myself is more accurate......when I realized that rocking in a rocking chair made it look like I had run a marathon I took it off. ( Nobodys messing with my rocking chair)...LOL
bearcountrygg on 09/29/2020:
Doing all you can do is a successful day...good job!
Horn_of_plenty on 09/29/2020:
the brand Enlightened (ice cream) has come out with mini keto cheesecakes! was that the brand you will using for cheesecake?
i might have to try these bc they sound....too good to be true!
legcramps on 09/29/2020:
Your best is exactly all you need to be doing :)
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