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happy-1 - Monday Aug 08, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Mon 8-8-22 8:20am:

Had the weirdest dream this morning and woke up just in time to answer a critical phone call. I think it was my mom waking me up. Just a feeling that it was. No concrete evidence.

Phone call was an anxiety-inducing setback that impacts timelines. Augh. 

Dad is a little worse. Find out today what that means. I called him at 6pm to say goodnight after dinner and he told me he was worse, that the doctor was going to call me, but I hadn't received a call... I don't know how I missed the call. I am watching my phone every waking minute right now. Anxiety was triggered, probably released cortisol, and I was wired and tired. Insomnia till 1 am. 

I ate because I was up, and messed up my sugar for today.

Also not enough total sleep... only 5h... but they were qua lity hours. Garmin shows healthy REM cycles. I just needed a couple more hours. Starting my day with one foot in a bucket of cement. Still need to do the whole day.

Nerve in leg is acting up. I really need to exercise... but right now all my cognitive/physical  energy needs to go to paperwork, phone calls, and errands.It's awfully nice to wake up and get cuddles from both my cats. What a luxury in all this.

Experimenting with farming out tasks on TaskRabbit as I can.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/08/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/09/2022:
10:20. Survived another day. No idea how. Dad is sicker. I ate a keto pizza and then scarfed bobcat’s tortilla chips. Smart.


innerpeace on 08/08/2022:
And yet no matter how bad you feel, you still keep going! You got this! cuddles are priceless.


bearcountrygg on 08/08/2022:
((HUGS))


horn_of_plenty on 08/08/2022:
sending you continued strength to make it thru these hard times and sorry your dad is struggling more.

also sorry to hear your nerve/leg is bothering you. happens to me and is very, very aggrivating!


Donkey on 08/09/2022:
Did you ever hear from dad's doctor?

I 100% totally agree with what others have said above. You keep on going... I don't know how you do it, but it gives me hope to keep trying too.


Maria7 on 08/11/2022:
Hope you are having a good day.


horn_of_plenty on 08/11/2022:
stopping by to say hi! hi happy!


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happy-1 - Sunday Aug 07, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sun 8-7-22 8:45am:

Slept 10.5h. Got enough REM. Such a difference. I knew the minute I woke up because I grabbed my scale to weigh in and took meds right away. I didn't even need to check Garmin. Body Battery came up too. That statin was a nightmare.

Sugar is still too high, but not as bad as previous days. A low carb breakfast and a walk should help.

 

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
At least I am down at my current baseline weight today… 243.4


Jacky82020 on 08/07/2022:
Congrats on getting to the baseline weight! Great you had some decent sleep.

Despite my overall good health, I take 40 mg Simvastatin daily. Some bad genetics. Went up from 20 mg a few years back. Get good lab results now & our cheap insurance has no copay.

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
I wonder if it is causing your insomnia?


bearcountrygg on 08/07/2022:
Glad to see that you slept well.....and that your Dad has lost a lot of fluids.......That is a big plus for his heart.

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
Hugs


Jacky82020 on 08/08/2022:
Seriously doubt statins are are linked to my insomnia, had it forever, and the statins maybe ten years. I’m trying to convince myself it’s not insomnia at all, I’m simply a person who only requires 4-6 hours of sleep. But those occasional all nighters of no sleep are awful. Take some comfort in knowing the next night will be better.

Are you new to statins? If so, maybe you need some adjustment time.


Donkey on 08/08/2022:
I'm so glad to hear that you got some QUALITY sleep - and a nice QUANTITY too. Yes, doesn't that make all the difference? And how you described waking up, ready to go -- yep, that's a wonderful feeling.

I noticed your number too. :-)


Maria7 on 08/08/2022:
Glad you are doing well. Hope you have a blessed day.


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happy-1 - Saturday Aug 06, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sat 8/5/22 8:20 pm

Long day, not enough sleep. Tried Task Rabbit for help with admin stuff. Mixed results. I'll see what hppens with more on Monday.

Saw dad. He's lost 40lbs of fluid in 2 weeks.

More stress with Bobcat. Tonight it was because he didn't like the show on Hulu. I tapped out and went to bed.

Sugar too high, but feeling better overall off statin.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/06/2022:
Inch by inch.


Donkey on 08/07/2022:
Those statin drugs are serious stuff.

I hope that your visit with dad went OK. I would think that the loss of fluid would be easier on his heart, if nothing else.

(((hugs)))

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
Ty. Hugs.


bearcountrygg on 08/07/2022:
Sounds like you are feeling better...yay!

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
Hugs



happy-1 - Friday Aug 05, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

 Fri 8-5-22 9:20am:

Feeling a lot better without the statin in my am meds. Hopefully sleep will correct itself in a couple of days. 
 

I washed the front but not the back of a dish last night and put it in the drainer. Bobcat saved it to point out to me as soon as I woke up this morning. It really made me feel like crap. I'm not lazy. It's not that I don't care or even take drugs. I'm just not feeling well and I made a mistake. I said look, pointing out mistakes that way really makes me feel bad and it doesn't achieve the goal. I know not to do it. I don't feel well and I need a little help. It's like discovering your cat peed on the carpet and shoving it's nose in it and swatting it on the butt instead of taking it to the vet. I feel like I get jumped on for every little mistake and it doesn't feel good. He says he has a health concern and doesn't want to get food poisoning. I said I get that. I value that, but there's got to be some kind of balance... because all I feel is picked on.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/05/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/06/2022:
I did my best today. I do my best every day. Today my best was phone calls, getting voicemail issues submitted as a ticket, picking up dad’s glasses, and coming home instead of going to the hospital. I am just too tired to drive and it’s an hour away.

10:15pm. In bed. Hungry. Sugar still messed up. Restless even though I want to sleep.


Donkey on 08/06/2022:
(((hugs))) All you can do is control your reaction to comments. Much easier said than done - THIS I KNOW 100%. It sounds to me like you're extremely stressed and tired and vulnerable, so - right now - you may be very sensitive to any comments that even have the slightest potential to be interpreted as a criticism.

Does that make sense? So a comment might not be intended as a criticism, but that's how it feels, and I'm guessing it feels significantly amplified.

(((hugs)))


bearcountrygg on 08/06/2022:
What Donkey said^^^^^^^^ Stress is high there I suspect for everytone......((HUGS))



happy-1 - Thursday Aug 04, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Thurs 8-4-22 7am

Sugar is too high can't get it down. Zero energy. Sleeping a ton but not getting REM. Zero brainpower. I can't break the cycle on either.

 

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/04/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 08/04/2022:
Maybe it is the statin I started taking

happy-1 on 08/04/2022:
Hdrop says I am hydrated… which I figured. I always remember to drink water around Bobcat.

happy-1 on 08/04/2022:
12:20pm... slogging through. At least I am managing to space out meals today. 9am, 1pm. I'm so tired though I'm not really productive.

happy-1 on 08/05/2022:
Floundered around today making more trouble than I resolved. Did figure out that the statin is probably the culprit in sleep issues. I am so tired I want to just… I don’t know.

I spent money on office supplies to try and slog through this. Laminating pouches, project folders, phone cables.

Endo sent me a prescription for sensors so I don’t need to use Nutrisense. Sugar is still a mess.

Watched tv with Bobcat. Said the wrong thing and ended the night on a bad note. My joke wasn’t funny and he was defensive.

Now I have insomnia. 11pm and still up. I want more dinner, which I can’t have if I want to get my sugar back down. Specifically mac and cheese, which I cannot have any version of right now.

I need a rewind on the last 44 years.

happy-1 on 08/05/2022:
11:20 caved and had some turkey and string cheese.

happy-1 on 08/05/2022:
12:30 am. Still up. Binge ate: Pear, tortilla chips, avocado salsa, blueberries, yogurt, keto cereal

I’m screwed.


Jacky82020 on 08/04/2022:
Maybe not today, but soon. You have true grit and smarts and shall overcome.

happy-1 on 08/04/2022:
Ty. I think if I had grit I would be pulling off physical therapy right now.


legcramps on 08/04/2022:
You do have grit. You're getting through it, and in the situation you're in - that takes grit. Stop underestimating your accomplishments and berating yourself for not living up to your own expectations. Lower them, because the important thing here is to be kind to yourself. No ones gets through hard s*&t like this without a whole lot of courage, sweetie. You got this.


Jacky82020 on 08/04/2022:
Not necessarily. We all have off days & there’s always tomorrow or the day after etc etc


Donkey on 08/05/2022:
(((hugs))) Maybe having a full stomach helped you sleep more soundly?

I'm sorry to hear about the statin. Those are serious meds.


Donkey on 08/05/2022:
PS I so feel your sleep frustrations, as I seem to be having the same (or very similar) issue right now. And trying to explain this to people is maddening. Unlike your situation (I think), I do not have problems falling asleep at all. It's just really really crappy sleep.



happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 02, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Tues 8-2-22 12pm:

Slept 10h. Not enough REM despite it. Low body battery charge. Fasted 13h and went for a 45 min walk after to try and get blood sugar under control. Got news while I was out that dad had a positive COVID test. Came back to the house, showered, tried to do bill pay, get a COVID test nd do bill pay for dad... While fielding calls from a million places and hungry. Plus Bobcat interruptions... omg. He bugged me while doing an A1C test and I ruined a $35 test. Then I paid the electric bill and discovered that the constant running ac (only 70f out...) and washer ran up a $479 electric bill. Then he interrupted me while I was paying a bill to ask me if a bottle I left on the washer was full of pee. It was rice wine vinegar. Why would I leave a bottle of pee on the washer in the kitchen!??? It's only 12pm and I'm so tired I need to lie down... and I haven't paid a single bill yet because I am so tired and foggy. And seriously doubting my relationship.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/02/2022:
Inch by inch.


Jacky82020 on 08/02/2022:
HUGS. That new variant BA-5, I think they call it, is highly transmissible. Fortunately the symptoms are minor or nonexistent in vaxxed & boosted people. As much as I hate the N95 mask, I’ve gone back to it more seriously. Slacked off a bit. Very unpleasant with all my seasonal allergies. They may have a vax out in the fall specifically for this variant.

They keep saying on the national news how electricity bills are skyrocketing nationwide.

How do you do the A1C test? I get that once a year as part of the routine PCP visit. Always a blood draw at Quest Labs. Horrible tech last time. Left me with a huge 6 inch long bruise. Worst draw ever. Called and complained.

happy-1 on 08/03/2022:
I get the home a1c tests from cvs when I need to get back under control. They aren’t lab accurate, but close enough. If I take it the first of the month for 3 months I am more motivated to walk… i figure it’s the same price as the additional medication I am trying to avoid.

happy-1 on 08/03/2022:
And ouch on the painful blood draw


Donkey on 08/03/2022:
(((hugs))) A tough spot right now.

happy-1 on 08/03/2022:
Could be worse.


Jacky82020 on 08/03/2022:
I didn’t know the pharmacies sold them. Good to know. Do you get results immediately or have to mail in your specimen?

HUGS etc etc

happy-1 on 08/03/2022:
Immediately. Just a little digital thing. They are only good for 2 tests.


horn_of_plenty on 08/03/2022:
i hear you on not enough sleep xxxx

i will try to leave on time tomorrow from work...or just go to bed early, i could use some sleep tonight xx

but first i need to make an annoying phone call ugh! will try to get off quick.


innerpeace on 08/04/2022:
Duh...I always leave pee on my washer in the kitchen!! Just kidding. Hang in there you got this!



happy-1 - Monday Aug 01, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Mon 8-1-22 8:30pm:

In bed. Had a bookkeeper come by and help me with my dad's papers. She comes back on Wednesday to help me with mine. Inch by inch I will crawl my way out of this mess. I can do it.

Thing is, after she left I was so tired I was just done for the day. Exhausted. Wiped.

Bobcat got on me today for having too many silicone dish covers and reusable bags. I started laughing. He got madder. Nothing about any of this was sexy. I wonder if I should have given the whole lesbian thing more of a shot.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/01/2022:
Inch by inch


Jacky82020 on 08/02/2022:
You just motivated me to buy reusable p plastic dish covers from Amazon. Had them years ago. 60 colorful ones in 3 sizes for $11. It was only upon second reading I noticed you said silicone & will look into that if these don’t work. I have glass cooking bowls so old that the original tops fell apart. The replacements never fit right, so it was cellophane/foil, PITA.

Here’s hoping you can catch up on your rest. How’s your dad? When is he coming home?

happy-1 on 08/02/2022:
Dad is recovering, discharge end of week. He got exposed to COVID so they are keeping him extra days.


Donkey on 08/02/2022:
(((hugs)))

happy-1 on 08/02/2022:
Ty



happy-1 - Sunday Jul 31, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sun 7-31-22 8:45pm:

Exhausted. Didn't make it to see my dad. I just never got out of bed today except to eat. I thought if I did all my chores yesterday I could rally and make it to see my dad but I didn't get quality sleep last night either because of my sugar being too high or my arms going numb and causing me to shift in my sleep. In any case my sugar is too high, I didn't get enough REM and today was a bed rest day.

And Bobcat isn't happy. He says he feels like he is in the way and really limited and then wouldn't talk about it. He says he put everything on hold to be here... I said I didn't know he had... he said the only thing he had going on was a gym thing he could blow off... and that was his choice not my request. He said now he feels bad because I think he does nothing all week except 1 or 2 things... I said no, you said it's summer and the gym is closed.

Ugh. So tired. Lord, thank you for all that you do and for all the wonderful people in my life. Please help me get quality sleep so I can do right by them.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 07/31/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 07/31/2022:
And… I keep farting… like all the time.


Jacky82020 on 08/01/2022:
That sucks the big one, all the exhaustion. Etc. You have been under immense pressure for too long. Try to take good care of yourself.

I don’t get the boyfriend’s comment at all. I don’t understand how a person could feel in the way, unless maybe he moved into a house of crowded relatives, but it is just you, right?

Is there a local gym where he could get a free trial membership or something like that? Matt would go stir crazy if he went for a while without working out. But he would run outside.

LOL. My French Bulldog is making extra farts. Not sure why, his diet is consistent. I make their wet food in a crockpot & buy kibble.


Donkey on 08/01/2022:
I hope that the day in bed helped you recover. (((hugs)))


bearcountrygg on 08/01/2022:
((HUGS))


horn_of_plenty on 08/01/2022:
sorry about the miscommunications between you and bf. i wouldn't really take it to heart, like Jacky said it doesn't make too much sense.



happy-1 - Thursday Jul 28, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Thurs 7-28-22 8:35am

OMG. I slept and had real sleep. That's the way your body is supposed to work... You are supposed to be able to have a hard AF day, do a bunch of stuff, then go to bed whatever time you get home, sleep as long as you need to, then wake up restored and refreshed. Not overwhelmed, exhausted, everything's too hard, desperate to feel better, terrified that you never will.

You can see the change in sleep as the effects kick in from inviting Bobcat to stay here and watch the house plus a $300 gamble of new supplements based on a random article from a blog posted on Redditt... Because when you are desperate, you will try anything...

2 week prior baseline... a little light, had been for a month or so... did not feel so hot.

 

Dad Er and hospital admission.

Bobcat shows up. I start sleeping enough, even if the quality sucks.

Following week new supplements kick in.
  

 

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 07/28/2022:
Inch by inch…

happy-1 on 07/28/2022:
Almost forgot… breakthrough was from citrulline, BCAAs, d-ribose, creatine, carnitine, whatever was in my add on for am emotional management I packed months ago and never took, the new pm stack with apigen and reservatrol plus stuff from the immunity protocol book, possibly an extra dose of taurine. It was enough supplements to fill a box of good n plentys.

happy-1 on 07/28/2022:
And I also took my workout stack with the multivitamins and vitamin c.

happy-1 on 07/28/2022:
10:30am ready to function, fully dressed, dad calls start. Going to be a hard day. I can do this.

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
8:45 home from hospital. Laundry, showered, ate, watched 1 episode of God’s Favorite Idiot with Bob Cat and Mama Cat.

11:18 pm in bed lights out.

Lord, thank you for all that you do.

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
1:15 am still up, can’t sleep

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
1:51 still up. I think I overdid it. Lord olease help me sleep


bearcountrygg on 07/28/2022:
Glad to see that you slept well.

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
It’s the foundation for turning everything around.


Jacky82020 on 07/29/2022:
Great you’re sleeping much better. Yay! How is your father?

We get lots of vitamins & supplements online from Puritan’s Pride in NY. Nice website. Free shipping on orders >$49, as I recall. I’m not all that into them, but Matt has been for years. They will also send out free catalogs. And offer discounts.


Donkey on 07/29/2022:
Wow, the graphics say a lot! I hope you were able to sleep last night.

How is your dad doing?

happy-1 on 07/31/2022:
Dad is getting discharged, hopefully to a different facility.


legcramps on 07/29/2022:
Doesn't sound like you got much sleep, unless you were able to sleep in a bit. Hope your Dad is doing alright?


Maria7 on 07/30/2022:
Glad you got caught up on your rest. Hope your Dad is doing better, also.



happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 27, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Wed 7-27-22 10:30pm:

Ugh. Just ugh. I can't even.

I think I pushed myself too hard today.

I got up early, took my full stimulant prescription (normally take half for blood sugar and cortisol control), did as much of dad's paperwork as I could then drove to the hospital to see him. The man that screamed and bullied me looks fragile and is being nice to me. Which is terrifying. I went into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror... my eyes are red and swollen. On the way out, my throat was sore...

Lord, thank you for all that you do. Thank you for more time with my dad and my aunt's help. Please, don't let me be sick. I can't get sick right now. Amen.

 

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 07/28/2022:
Inch by inch.


bearcountrygg on 07/28/2022:
Hope you are okay HAP...((HUGS))

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
Miraculously…


Donkey on 07/28/2022:
Ahhh, I hope you're not getting sick!!!

I applaud you for being able to hold it together and getting stuff done. I guess we do what we gotta do, and when it's hard, we dig down deeper and find a way to get it done.

(((hugs)))

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
Yeah… but without the new supplements it was a concrete bottom.


horn_of_plenty on 07/28/2022:
good work on all the work you've had to do, especialyl for your dad.

now go rest up xx

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
Ty


Jacky82020 on 07/28/2022:
Get all the rest you can for yourself and to continue helping your dad. HUGS

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
Ty


legcramps on 07/28/2022:
Get some rest! (I know that's easier said than done). Hugs.

happy-1 on 07/29/2022:
Ty



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