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happy-1 - Monday Dec 11, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Starting over...  Again. Didn't go to a practice hike or the actual hike this weekend. Couldn't get to sleep on time and fitbit says I fell asleep fri, sat and sun night about 4 am each. Sure felt like it, just laying there staring at the blackness of my sleep mask and too out of it on sleep aids to actually get out of bed and do anything.

When you fall down, just crawl a little then stand, clean yourself up and try again. I had a good cry most of today, but then I got out of bed, took a shower, vacumed, made my bed, washed dishes, cleaned the bathroom. Now I will dry my hair and take my dog for a walk and work on Pete's site a little.

Toughness challenge day 4: https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-4

"Join a boxing gym or a MMA gym or a kickboxing gym. Join some kind of gym that will get you punched in the face. Men are born to fight. It’s who we are and why we’re here. Testosterone makes us more aggressive than women, it also leads us to have stronger bones and bigger muscles, both things come in handy when we’re talking about fighting. Don’t move to the next day until you finish this task."

I've actually done this before and have my beloved boxing gloves somewhere in storage. It did get me punched in the face a couple of times. I don't know that it made me any tougher. Mostly it just made it really awkward to talk to the ladies who actually punched me. They were super embarrassed. Must be a guy thing.

I did like this quote in the email though... "Toughness is essentially a fight against mediocrity. It's being able to withstand what your grand goals will throw your way instead of settling for the easy lives on autopilot that so many blindly ease into."

Chipped a front tooth today accidentally biting a fork. Ugh. I just got stressed when my dad came into the kitchen and started going after dinner before it was ready. Rough, hurts and bleeding. Great for job interviews. 19 days till health insurance kicks in.

Going to go back to logging what I eat, at least today. Maybe tomorrow. Missed most meals, but I ate a lot yesterday so maybe I'm just not very hungry today. I'll probably eat too much tonight too lat and maybe that's what kept me up. Eating too late wathing Netflix with my mom.


Eaten today:

  1. Lenny and Larry's protein cookie
  2. 4 oranges
  3. 2 pork chops, apple sauce 1/2 a sweet potato, spinach, butter
  4. 2 packets trail mix, 4 hot dogs
  5. 5 cheese sticks (don't judge)
  6. Sweet potato crackers
  7. Big glass of stevia punch, another protein cookie, packet of chicken ramen

Fed to dog: 2 hot dogs, 2 pork chops, 1/2 a can of chicken dog food, milk bones, jerky treats, water


Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/11/2017:
Oh...that's too bad you didn't make it to the hike....but things happen for a reason....toughness eh?????Just say NO to getting punched in the face...that can't be a good thing!

happy-1 on 12/11/2017:
It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, probably because they were boxing gloves not fists, even though suburban MILFs can really pack some heat. But it is better to NOT get punched in the face for sure.

innerpeace on 12/12/2017:
I understand totally! I told my DH i will start over and fail, start over and fail, as many times as it takes. Don't make fun of me and don't laugh.

I thought about waiting until the new year to start over, but I could gain 20 pounds by then. I will start over tomorrow.

I do not think i would like to get punched in the face, i've learned enough lessons in life to know that it wouldn't be enjoyable, nor would it teach me anything, except how stupid I am.

Whatever works for you, have a great day!

happy-1 on 12/12/2017:
Lol, I'm not recommending getting punched in the face. The toughness challenge is. I'm just enjoying the emails... and it is free ❤️

Start over now... And then start over again in the new year. Nothing stopping you. Starting over always feels good.

horn_of_plenty on 12/12/2017:
that's a great quote, i'm trying not to be mediocre also. ...i've always enjoyed having grand goals...now my major one is to join the auxiliary police nypd. no pay, volunteer, requires lots of time and training, in addition to my current job. but also i want to keep training at the gym.

i plan to tell my next boss that i do it, after the training, so i can take a day and say it's for that...we'll see how that works ;)

happy-1 on 12/12/2017:
Have you ever thought about being a social worker?

horn_of_plenty on 12/13/2017:
LOL...my mom is a director of social work!!!!!!

social worker could have been good for me, but i am not going back to more school right now besides the classes i am taking right now.

i pray for myself to get fit over time and become the court officer i can be. it's moderate pay, enough, for one person - just myself. i have no hopes to have kids or even get married so i think court officer can be fine, as long as i train myself over time. i think i will skip volunteering for the auxiliary police (volunteer) as it just takes up time away from my ability to train for my own cardio and strength while working....so i'm going to skip the volunteering, just work, exercise, take minimal classes (for now)...maybe i'll change my mind - not sure.

but no more degrees :) i have to work full time.

happy-1 on 12/13/2017:
I like the idea of a court officer!

happy-1 - Saturday Dec 09, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Back up to 240.6 today. Ugh.

Was up late last night working on Pete's new homepage. Got too into it stayed up too late and then I overslept and missed my opportunity to do a practice hike. I am trying to do too much and I need to drop the class. Anxiety is kicking my butt.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/10/2017:
Lots of frustrations this time of year....be kind to yourself Happy.

happy-1 on 12/13/2017:

Donkey on 12/10/2017:
I agree with Bear, above. Don't add to your stress levels unnecessarily. If you got into the homepage design and enjoyed it, then it was worth it. Finding self-fulfillment in one's work or efforts is a wonderful thing and should not be dismissed lightly!

There will be hikes in the future. Rest up & treat yourself with gentle patience.

horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
with my own anxiety, i have learned and keep learning: LESS IS MORE.


whenever i have too much to do, time goes by and something gets missed.

simply plan for less, i'd say? or place limits on the time you spend on each thing..and make sure you stop when time is up.

happy-1 - Friday Dec 08, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

So sore, so tired.

Spent most of day looking for a daypack for the hike so I don't pop a vertebrae again. Found one at 511 on closeout at 50% off. No returns. It looks military and gay but it puts the weight on my hips right. Maybe I can tie butterflies and flowers on the molle webbing. Anything to make me look less lesbian. Nothing wrong with it but being single isn't fun. 


Maybe this would be a good patch. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/422705115002781405/


Challenge 3 for toughness


"Spend the next day defining your purpose. Find clarity. Find your path, that thing you want to work toward. Think big picture. Think about the ideal not necessarily the task or the house you want or the life you want. Think about who you want to become, and more importantly, how you want to make this world better. This may take a few days. And it may take years. So don’t go on to the next day until this one’s finished. One of the best things you can do to help you find this clarity is to get out in nature, alone. Go for a hike, a walk, or better yet, go camping. Be in an environment that makes you feel small, but also one that doesn’t influence you with the bombardment of TV ads or even opinions of friends and family. "

The thing I want to work toward right now is just being able to be out and have adventures and not be so tired that I get to the adventure and end up sleeping through it... but the challenge sounds bigger than that. I just want to be someplace green with my friends and family, a couple of shepherds and a big garden and go for good long walks every day. I'd eventually like to be a parent. Make the world a good place for the kid as much as I can. Relearn the world through them. Could be a spouse's kid (at 40 I might be too old) or a foster kid.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/09/2017:
Hope you have a wonderful hike! That sounds like just the thing to clear one's mind.

Love your toughness tasks! I always thought I wanted to be tough, but now... I'm thinking maybe I'm not so tough.

Donkey on 12/09/2017:
PS Just saw your "eat steak" comment on my entry from earlier this week. OMGosh, that is so funny and yet, so true -- I MUST try this SOON!

bearcountrygg on 12/10/2017:
No toughness with me either...I'm a softy...in more ways than one......have fun on the hike!

happy-1 - Thursday Dec 07, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Another workout in the bag. I was a bit on the  Pete sent me lots of feedback on his homepage redesign. Need to incorporate it.

Challenge 2: Find the Good

Every day write down 3 things you’re appreciative of that happened within the last 24 hours. That is, you’re not ‘thankful for your family’, as my mom would always say when asked a question along those lines. You’re appreciative of something specific. Maybe it’s an opportunity, a thought that came to you, or something you did that you think deserves a pat on the back. This, too, is toughness. Finding the good where everyone else focuses on the bad is a skill that the tough possess. 


My 3 things today are:

  1. That my mom gave my dog a thourough rub down after the park workout today
  2. That I can do a project for my portfolio with Pete and actually try to help someone and maybe get myself on the right path.
  3. That I get today to get **** together because Molly flaked on me so I didn't have to flake on her.
  4. Bonus: The bathroom scale is now working again in lbs. Mysteriously fixed itself.

Need to do a practice hike before Sunday. Dreading it. The hike Sunday will be 12 miles. I am going to head up Saturday AM and then do the ractice. I need a can of predator spray and a different backpack.

Ok. time to get my **** together and get out of the house. Hungry but if I stay here nothing will get done.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 12/08/2017:
Why do you have to practice the hike before the hike?

You have lots of good to be thankful for --- thank you for demonstrating how easy it is to make the decision to be thankful!

happy-1 on 12/08/2017:
Because I am fat, have asthma, and really out of shape... and it is 12miles with a 2900 ft gain and I don't know if I can do that and if I go and can't do it, according to sierra club policy someone has to stay with me I can't just bail and do my own thing and that will be humiliating.

happy-1 - Wednesday Dec 06, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Grrrr another fitness workout in the bag.

Chasing after my old boss to redo his website.  He's got an interesting model but it isn't reflected on his site and it is impossible to understand as a normal human. I want to simplify it and do it as a case study. Basically there is tons of good content, but no easy entry point I can send a friend to when she wants to know why I don't eat. Signed up for a Udemy class on digital marketing to follow along with while I work on the wireframes. 

In the meantime, found a cool-looking series called "10 Days to Toughness" on some alpha male dude blog... But hey it's free. https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-1/

Task 1 challenge is to "Do without" to not rely on the pleasure of taste. "For the next 3 days your diet will not be complete, it will not be healthy. It will be restricted to only the simplest ingredients: oatmeal and eggs. Again. This isn’t the healthiest diet in the world. But it is one of the blandest, most boring diets we can possibly have. And that’s the toughness aspect. So, for the next 3 days, only oatmeal, eggs, and water. Every meal. No sauce. No salt. No pepper. Nothing to spice things up. Become a man dependent on none of the things we think we need for pleasure and happiness."

Ummmm... Have to try this one next week maybe. Already bought groceries.

Watching the wildfires burn through where I lived as a kid and went through every day for school. Astonishing.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/06/2017:
I understand the boring food concept...it does work for me, I was once on a baked chicken boiled egg with very limited exceptions...and I only lasted 2 or 3 days and I didn't want baked chicken again for months....because you had to eat it every 2 hours all day....it didn't take long to dread the next serving. The fire situation is sad........

happy-1 on 12/13/2017:
I find I just tune out and eat rotely but after 4 days I just can't eat the 5th and I chuck it in my freezer

horn_of_plenty on 12/08/2017:
i must say, the "10 days of toughness" and also the challenge for 3 days of eggs and oatmeal sounds intriguing to me. I wouldn't want to do it, but at the same time, the challenge is interesting that it's just 3 days and very doable. Very interesting challenge.

happy-1 - Sunday Dec 03, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Found that a good cure for a bad mood is making "Eggroll in a bowl". While it does not cure all ills, it does move a bad mood on so you can be productive.

I did find myself craving orange chicken after.


And a bunch of pot. And my ex. And a hot tub.



In a crankypants mood today. I'm too fat and weak to do a 12 mile  2900 ft gain hike and it is between me and doing the wilderness travel course. I literally just crumpled and went home and sat on the couch and watched Netflix and sucked.

In my frustration I ate 3 frozen wafles which was the opposite of helpful. 


At least my dog loves me.

 I really want to flake on going camping this week. My shoulder is killing me. If I go I am goig to have to do a ton of dishes and crap.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/04/2017:
I commented on your previous entry :)

Horn_of_plenty on 12/04/2017:
I listened to a Beatles song on the weekend and one part of it says something like this "smoke pot, smoke pot, everybody smoke pot.."

happy-1 on 12/06/2017:
Hahaha. Right? Been a couple of years for me. Just don't have time for the hangover. Plus no hot consistent boyfriend to make it worth the hangover.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/06/2017:
so the scale is broken and doesn't need just a new battery...i've had that happen...so sad when a scale breaks. i do understand how you want it to say lbs right away, i'd want that too!

happy-1 on 12/06/2017:
Right! Tell me how fat I am NOW dammit! If I am slightly less fat, TELL ME THAT TOO. Wait... now I know why the Aria reports bodyfat.

happy-1 - Saturday Dec 02, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

So stressed today. All in my head though. Scale broke and I need to buy a new one. I feel like this is a good chance to buy a Fitbit Aria scale.


Today's Me You Health challenge question - 

Name the item in your kitchen that saves you the most time.


4 things have made a big difference in cooking at home more 


1 - Having a bunch of tupperware in different sizes specifically for packing lunches in a big plastic bin stored separately from other tupperware for leftovers and other stuff. On meal prep day I just pull out the bin and fill them, and as I use them on the go I wash them with my separate little sponge I keep in a travel soap dish just for myself (so I know it is sanitary), then I put them in a cotton drawstring bag that came with a sheet set at target (lets them dry on my desk without getting other stuff wet and keeps them sanitary) and chuck them back in the bin for the next meal prep day.


2 - Cleaning stuff I saw a bunch of floor cleaning pads at Big Lots that go on a mop head with velcro and I bought 14 of them. I also bought a bunch of microfiber cloths at the 99 cent store with veggies and food on them and then two plastic tubs with lift up lids. I can just pour vinegar on kitchen counters and floors every night and then wipe them down and chuck them in their respective bins. Once a month I do a separate mini wash load for each. Feeling like my kitchen is clean makes me want to eat at home. Knowing that it won't be a lot of work to clean up makes me willing to do it.


3 - Silicone muffin tins and brownie trays. I bought them at Aldi. I can just pop food out and then wipe them clean. Less cleanup means more cooking.


4 - Instant pot. Rehydrate beans for any recipe in 30 min. Quick cook sweet potatoes for brownies, pancakes, dinner.  Saute or brown in the pot and then do anything slow cooker in 30 min. Steam something fast if you don't like microwaving food. Better than a microwave. 


How about you guys? What really makes a difference for you?

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/02/2017:
I have to say without a doubt the biggest game changer in my family -- not only timewise, but also how we eat (no takeout hardly EVER) and what we eat (more nutritious) is the crockpot (slower cooker, to some). Invaluable! I make dinner in the morning before work and a wonderful dish is waiting for me by the time I finally get home!

happy-1 on 12/02/2017:
Yum! I added an outdoor timer to mine. It turns it on and off on the timer so I can put in froze, defrost then start cooking.

Donkey on 12/03/2017:
Oh my word, I do not know how I did not think of a separate timer all on my own. I have one of those, that I'm not using right now, too. WOW!!!

happy-1 on 12/05/2017:
Yeah it is great and saves electricity because it turns off the circuit.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/04/2017:
Happy, how did your scale break!? I had to buy a new battery for mine - it was a circular type of battery and i bought it on Amazon. Now it works perfectly again :)

My kitchen item that saves me the most time, besides the microwave, is probably...ok this is dumb...the ability to preheat my stove whenever i want...sometimes i preheat it before i plan to cook just so it's fully ready when i want to cook...so the stove preheat ability saves me time lol - bc many times i do not have to wait for stove to preheat bc i already have done it!

it's not a gadget, but i couldn't think of anything else right now...

I also love the dollar / 99 cents stores and also get a bit of my cleaning products there. I may even start buying detergent there - but man did it smell horrible the last time i opened a bottle to give it a whiff to see if i could deal with the smell...i put it back on the shelf!

happy-1 on 12/06/2017:
I honestly don't know. A) It is probably a cheap scale B) might have gotten wet C) It only works with KG now, not LBs. You can convert it but it doesn't satisfy that emotional need to weigh in in the morning and get that number.

happy-1 - Wednesday Nov 22, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Felt like my underwear was trying to escape the last couple of days so I stepped on the scale and discovered that I lost 3 more lbs. That's 5 for this challenge so far!!!

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/22/2017:
Good for you happy!!!! 5 pounds is noticeable and does make things fit differently......!!!! Happy Thanksgiving!

happy-1 on 11/22/2017:
Thank you!!! Bought a padded push up bra tonight so that my shirts still fit right, lol. I will miss my boobs but ultimately some will come off other places too right?

What are plans in paradise for Thanksgiving?

legcramps on 11/22/2017:
well done!

happy-1 on 11/22/2017:
Thank u!!! Hugs!

Maria7 on 11/22/2017:

happy-1 on 11/22/2017:
Thank u!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/24/2017:
Look how awesome your weight loss chart looks on the upper right! It's 9 pounds lost since April! Kudos! GREAT JOB!

happy-1 - Friday Nov 17, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Working too many hours for a contract that isn't going to go anywhere. Feeling really stressed and like personal stuff is just piling up, which it is.

Whooosh! I give this up to God and just have faith in the bigger plan. 

Meanwhile, out of meal preps and no time to go to the grocery store. Trying to order healthy... but pricey.


Doing QA for a change... Finding lots of big issues at a very late stage in the project that will take a lot of time. Frustrating that no matter how good a job I do it won't lead to more work because I am weird.

Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 11/17/2017:
Take your time and take a breath.

Maybe take it hour by hour and expect that everything will just not be planned.

I am sorry you feel this way, i know the feeling all too well.

happy-1 on 11/22/2017:
Hugs. All will be as it should be.

bearcountrygg on 11/17/2017:
Breathe......life goes on regardless, sounds like this job is frustrating to say the least. Maybe they will offer something more when this one is done?

happy-1 on 11/22/2017:
Hugs. I hope so!!!

happy-1 - Wednesday Nov 15, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Hanging at my coworking space to work today. Always a challenge to really be focused and not work on my great meal planning app idea.  I have a spreadsheet of all the meal planning apps out there and I am working my way thorugh the landscape analysis step by step. I also have a sketch file so I can jot down my ideas as they come. The trick is NOT to do this when I am supposed to be working.

Only have meals prepped through today and need to hit Trader Joes tonight, but I think I will be working late again.


BTW hands down my most successful meal prep this week are these DIY ramen cups:


Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 11/15/2017:
your advice is good on the medication, i'll speak to the doctor to get his advice before i do anything or make any changes. :-)

Have fun meal planning when you get up to it :)

happy-1 on 11/15/2017:
Yeah, the betterhelp psychologist is actually more helpful than my shrink. Very grounding and perspective supplying. I do a better job staying consistent and following her recommendations because a) she lives a life similar to the one I want, b) I'm not stressing myself trying to make one more appointment, c) it is mostly written which helps me because I need to see things on paper or in type to process them.

bearcountrygg on 11/15/2017:
Maybe a spreadsheet with hour by hour things to do? When I get frustrated and realize that I am doing things that really don't matter and are basically busy work...and I'm not doing the really important things....I make myself a daily waking hour list....and everything that needs to get done does get done...and then the next day I do the same until I'm caught up...then i allow myself to do the fun things. I can always find busy work...so that i can tell myself I don't have time to do the important things ( which are things I don't want to do). I basically have to mind game with myself sometimes.

happy-1 on 11/15/2017:
Yeah, I mind game myself daily

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