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happy-1 - Tuesday Jan 21, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 35 on Noom

Today is day 2 of enforcing boundary wih dad assignment from therapist. 2 business, 1 errand, and 1 quality time session, 2h each. If he passes, we try again at the next schedued session. He has been talked through it with the bereavement counselor, the pro organizer showed him how to use the calendar and shopping list. I reminded him of today's session last night, and managed his resulting tantrum. I went out at the appointed time and tried to get him started and he threw a tantrum and passed on the session. I went and hid in my bedroom and had breakfast and coffee in there. I spent the time woring on getting Alexa to work better for him and documented the instructions. Then I went out to get food and managed the next tantrum. Then I realized that since Thursday of last week the house has gotten gross again. I gave up, showered and I started in my bedroom and hung up clothes, vacuumed, etc. I still have piles and piles of tools and christmas ornaments in my bedroom. 

Augh.

4pm and I am too exhausted to go to yoga at 5pm... probably the infection on my foot which is at least better than yesterday with the antibiotics and I can walk on it again.

I am taking a break and watching Hulu. Then I will get up and go to the caregiver support group. Tomorrow is another day.

---

Coffee: Coffee, Lairds Unsweetened Creamer, nonfat milk powder

Breakfast: Apple, cheddar cheese stick, 2 hard boiled eggs

Tea: Tea, milk, stevia

Lunch: Lean cuisine chicken parm, 4 cups veggies

Tea: Skipped

4 PM Hangry Snack: 1 cheese stick, tortilla chips... Would have had carrots, but tantrum.

Dinner: Skipped

Tea: Just plain decaf tea

Extra Snacks: Chicken teriyaki leftovers, tortilla chips and salsa - Hot chocolate mug cake, Protein pancake, 1/2 a pbj on wheat. Red because of bedtime eating.

Exercise:

1 Thing to Move Forward:

  • Set boundaries with dad
  • Worked on configuring Alexa for Dad's calendar, to do list, and shopping list 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/21/2020:
Keep at it...you will get there.

happy-1 on 01/22/2020:
Inch by inch.


Donkey on 01/22/2020:
Are you finding the support group to be helpful?

I think you've done incredibly well. I wish you had more for yourself, but I understand that it doesn't work that way.

Noom seems to be helping!

happy-1 on 01/22/2020:
Support group... Yes... Venting to people who understand... Feeling like I am carrying fewer secrets... Being less isolated to build momentum. Referrals to needed services... Just getting out of the house... A possible new friend...

Noom actually is helping. I need the structure. Behind on the articles though.

More for myself? What do you mean?


Donkey on 01/23/2020:
Well, I meant that you could do things for you. Example: too tired to go to yoga. It's not a criticism. Energy allocation and priorities... sometimes we just run out of time in a day.



happy-1 - Monday Jan 20, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 34 on Noom

Took a couple of days off to get a break and I am back now. 

Didn't binge eat last night. Sleep cycle shows two blue nights in a row and my body battery was almost 90 this morning. I am refreshed and back at it.

Goal for tonight is to finish sorting and storing tools so I have my bedroom back.

Percolator is set up... Ordered more of my favorite tea at an online sale price... Let my 2 goals for the week begin:

  • Tea instead of binging at night
  • Sticking to schedule with dad

---

  • Coffee: Coffee, Lairds Unsweetened Creamer, nonfat milk powder
  • Breakfast: Apple, cheddar cheese stick
  • Exercise: Skipped
  • Tea: Skipped
  • Lunch: Part of a taco bell taco salad, water
  • Tea: Skipped
  • 4 PM Hangry Snack: Lean cuisine chicken parm, cheese, 1 slice white bread
  • Dinner: 2 hot chocolate packets, protein pancake mix, milk
  • Tea: 
  • Extra Snacks: Cherry tomatoes, hummus, multigrain pita chips, 2 hard boiled eggs, zhoug sauce, (tea, stevia, lairds creamer)x3, 1/2 a pbj on white.
  • 1 thing to move myself forward: Logged more receipts for a tally of expenses, picked up prescriptions.
  •  

---

Ok... this is where I get myself into trouble. I waaaaaaay missed my time to take sleep meds. I'm still hungry. The PB in the kitchen is calling my name and wants me to unite it with J and white bread for sweet harmony.

Not today satan. Not today.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/20/2020:
you are on point today! welcome back! whats your fave tea??

happy-1 on 01/21/2020:
Decaf brewed... Egyptian Licorice Root. I could drink it by the gallon... https://www.iherb.com/pr/Yogi-Tea-Egyptian-Licorice-Caffeine-Free-16-Tea-Bags-1-27-oz-36-g/5498

Caffeinated... Any black tea with a little of this mixed in. It's probably 90% lead and cancer. I need to buy a new jar and am trying to find something without a Prop 65 warning.

https://www.amazon.com/Laxmi-Natural-Tea-Masala-Traditional/dp/B003XD73NS/ref=asc_df_B003XD73NS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312191465664&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6606752658777311831&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9031026&hvtargid=pla-570727806876&psc=1


Donkey on 01/21/2020:
So... if I read that correctly, Satan won the PBJ temptation.


legcramps on 01/21/2020:
Ah! LOL, I totally had PBJ for supper last night!



happy-1 - Thursday Jan 16, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 30 on Noom 

I don't want to weigh in today... I don't want to know. I made the best ever chicken teriyaki last night and had waaaaaay too much, then topped it off with an orange and 2 chocolate mug cakes. Insomniac eating. Today, my gut is busting out of the gap between my sweats and my t shirt. I feel disgusting.

Percolator shows up tomorrow so I can start tea ritual.

Dad's bereavement counselor is coming over today. I'm not looking forward to it. Family friend who used to run senior centers and the very experienced elder care consultant he referred me to both say she gave us the worst direction coaching ever. My feeling about it is "what fresh hell is this" ala Stan from the Evil Dead.

It's 8:30 AM. I have had coffee and Alleve. It is time to get my day started. Plan:

  • Do basic cleanup in living room and dining room so counselor can sit down. Too many in progress projects with the organizer... Then vacuum, spot clean rugs.
  • Shower
  • Mail run
  • Counselor visit
  • Check out another support group, this one for depression. Am I depressed because I am exhausted or exhausted because I am depressed? Let's find out

At least I made some progress yesterday... I opened and sorted my mail and read some of it. I have been doing so much of my dad's stuff, I haven't been doing mine. Time to put that on hold and work on me. I keep saying I will do that, but then I do his stuff instead because he is here pounding on me and I just want some peace. Boundaries and focus. Boundaries and focus. I need to get back to yoga.

---

Meal schedule I put in my calendar... Need to get back on track. Maybe I will even make a meal plan.

Coffee: Coffee, nonfat milk powder, Laird's creamer

Breakfast: Eggs, spinach, enhilada sauce, 1 tbsp black beans, 2 tbsp cheese, 1 corn tortilla, seltzer

Exercise:

Tea:

Lunch:

Tea:

4 PM Hangry Snack:

Dinner:

Tea:

Extra Unplanned Meals:

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/16/2020:
Maybe your dad would respond well to a calendar where you can point out a day and time that you will do the things he wants done...and if he questions you then tell him it's on the calendar....( but you would have to be strict about doing it then). We were offered grief counseling by the funeral home...but didn't go...Thhere is a really good short and to the point book out about dealing with death of a loved one...I got one for my aunt years ago....i will see if I can find the name.

happy-1 on 01/17/2020:
LOL. You are psychic. That's the to do item for today with the organizer. I found a family organizer app last year and have been putting information into it... He has refused to learn how to use it... But today, it happens.


bearcountrygg on 01/16/2020:
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a very good book about the 5 stages of grief back in 1969.....The name of the book is ON DEATH AND DYING......and there is plenty about it online so buying the book probably isn't necessary.....but it is very good and explains a lot.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/17/2020:
i love all the mug cakes and the single serving recipes that are out....i see something i like from Heidi Powell the athlete...some kind of cinnamon mug cake, lower cals.


Donkey on 01/17/2020:
Boundaries are everything...



happy-1 - Wednesday Jan 15, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 29 on Noom 

Accidentally surprised Dad in the bathroom this morning. Neither of us will ever truly recover.

Had call with therapist in AM and then went directly out to coffee and lunch. I spent the whole day out of the house until it was time to go to the caregiver support group. I brought stuff with me to work on, but I didn't do it. All I could do was sit and stare and let my mind empty out. When I went to pick up my equine pine pellets for my tom cat, I gave the guys at the hardware store a turn... I was super enthusiastic (at a level that was a little unbalanced) about being able to order and pick up locally and not drive 40 min to get it. They asked why I was driving to get special cat litter... I said if you are not a cat person and you have a cat this stuff makes the experience of having a cat so much less horrible... I inherited the cat... I can live with everything but stepping on gravel and clay and it smells so much better. He goes through one of these a month... I'll see you next month. They just stared at me and finally the oldest guy said sometimes it's the little things... order in store by Tuesday and we'll have it on Thursday... I think he's "been there".

The caregiver support group... Those poor people look like they were hit by the bus they considered throwing themselves in front of... and I guess that includes me. When it was time for me to introduce myself, I just opened my mouth and everything came tumbling out of my mouth like emptying a bucket of legos. They were very nice about it. I think one of the guys is getting recruited by a cult... something about a 40 day program that tears down your psyche to rebuild it, daily meditation rituals at the center, and a special diet. Time will tell.

I tried having better, more satisfying meals while out yesterday (delightful discovery that the international grocery has added a persian lunch counter... the best lentil soup!!!!) but I still ended up binge eating after my bedtime snack. I was just going to have 2 corn tortillas with refred beans, cheese, and hot sauce, but instead I ended up having 2 more of those, 2 pbjs on actual white bread, and an RX bar. F****************

Up on time today. 

--

  1. Breakfast and coffee out
  2. Chicken kale salad
  3. 2 hard boiled eggs, cheese stick, orange
  4. Carrots and hummus
  5. Fake low sodium nachos to head off cravings: unsalted tortilla chips, black beans, cheese, soy chorizo
  6. Too much homemade best ever chicken teriyaki (orange for portion control) with rice, veggies and 1 chicken egg roll
  7. Orange
  8. Hot chocolate mug cake with cream cheese and 1 chocolate square
  9. Hot chocolate mug cake plain

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/15/2020:
Well.....all I can say about the Dad incident is that at least it was accidental......I had to flush my Dad's catheter several times a day and at first neither one of us was comfortable with that but over time....we got to the point that it was just something that had to be done.......something he said that made us both laugh...was "Linda, Linda a lovely girl at a glance....but I remember her when she wore three cornered pants"...referring to the old fashioned diapers of the 1940's....reminding me that the situation had turned around...it lightened the moment at least......

happy-1 on 01/16/2020:
I have no idea what that stage will be like with my dad. As it is he won't let me help him with anything and has shut me out of doctor's visits.


bearcountrygg on 01/15/2020:
Try not to take things too seriously...it could be worse.

happy-1 on 01/16/2020:
LOL. Right?


innerpeace on 01/15/2020:
BOOM! it is bound to happen. I've walked in on my husband a few times, but I understand how a dad is different.

happy-1 on 01/15/2020:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/15/2020:
it's hard for me to quit at just one taco too LOL.

maybe you didn't eat enough while out and you were too hungry when you got home...try to bring a snack to eat so you don't go home ravenous, even sucking candies..i take them on the ride home if i am really hungry.

happy-1 on 01/16/2020:
I think it's the insomnia. I lay there and then I have to eat something.



happy-1 - Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 28 on Noom

Still binge eating at night. No idea why, except that this new behavior started when Mom passed along with falling asleep with the tv on. I made chicken teriyaki for dinner over coleslaw steamed in the pan with water. Then I had an RX bar as a bedtime snack... Which turned into 3 more RX bars, a lean cuisine and some mini pretzels. I really need to stop.

So I went shopping... also bad... but I need to stop this somehow and OA was NOT the solution and Noom is good, but not in my bedroom with me at night.

1. Electric Kettle

The behavior replacement nutritionist wanted me to do was to drink hot tea at night but the kettle is in the kitchen. Trying to keep my door closed once I go to bed for the night so I bought a small electric stainless steel coffee percolator on Amazon that will boil water for tea and can replace my plastic one cup coffee maker (I hope... plastic and hot water increases cancer risk). It was used and $10 off... Couldn't resist.

 

2. Black Running Shoes

I need to move more to eat less. My current running shoes are electric blue and lime green. Love them, but a) I need to save them for actual running, and b) they scream "Hey everyone! Look at my giant sasquatch feet!" These were 50% off, teenager-approved, all black, and blend for athleisure looks at the gym.

3. Yoga Coverup

The pretty white sharkbite tunic didn't work out. It was asian sizing and came nowhere near my butt. Hopefully this will cover my butt and take attention away from my gut until the yoga kicks in. It also is kind of slick so it might not gather pet fur. They had it in black, but I'm just so tired of black.

Today feels like a do over of yesterday. I have a call this AM, then I go pick up horse pine bedding for the cat boxes, then I try to get coffee and read mail. Maybe I can squeeze in yoga. 

But the critical thing I need to do today is make it to the caregiver support group tonight.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/14/2020:
Ooo, I love the yoga cover up! Looks so comfy. I'd wear that to the office if I didn't have such big legs.

Hey, I own that coffee pot! I hope it serves you well!

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
You could wear it to the office with leggings. Boots even.

Black https://www.sierra.com/freedom-trail-by-kyodan-woven-dress-long-sleeve-for-women~p~770mk/?filterString=womens-dresses-and-skirts~d~493%2Fsizefamily~general!xl%2Cl%2F

Green https://www.sierra.com/freedom-trail-by-kyodan-woven-dress-3and4-sleeve-for-women~p~770kr/?filterString=womens-dresses-and-skirts~d~493%2Fsizefamily~general!xl%2Cl%2F

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
I am looking forward to hot tea at night. I am glad you can endorse the coffee pot!!!!


bearcountrygg on 01/14/2020:
Not familiar with horse pine bedding for cat boxes....

happy-1 on 01/15/2020:
It will change your life... So much cheaper and less gross than litter, especially the litter mat and their feet. Smells better too. If you google there are a ton of weird tutorials, but basically, you put 1/2 inch of the pellets in there instead of litter and as the cats pee on it, it turns to sawdust. As the cats poop you pick out the poop with a dog poop bag and put in the trash. Use your littler scooper to turn the pellets so that they get used evenly. The urine doesn't really smell. As long as you aren't leaving poop in the tray, you can use the cat litter in your compost or dispose in yard waste cans. The poop rarely ever works out in compost. It was $4 for 40lbs vs $9 to $16 for regular litter. https://glenbrookzerowaste.wordpress.com/2010/03/30/how-to-compost-your-cats-litter/


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/14/2020:
are the sneakers Mizuno Wave? i love that brand bc they are so comfortable to me!



happy-1 - Monday Jan 13, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 27 on Noom

As always the ex-ish knocks me back on track. It's not like he does anything in particular. All my Garmin biometrics just suddenly go to the blue range. We joked that I have a device that measures how awesome he is and how much easier he makes me to live with. You can also tell by looking at my dog. I relax and my ancient dog will eat something and drink water.

Today I woke up and:

  • Full 8 hrs of sleep
  • Up on time
  • Body battery is up at 70%
  • Fasting blood sugar is in normal range
  • Down 2lbs which puts me back to what I was before the Christmas debacle (although still a whopping 230.2 over my plateau of 216 last year)
  • Breakfast was healthy... Coffee, (nonfat milk powder, laird's creamer), 2 hard boiled eggs, hot sauce, orange
  • My fancy electric car cooler is packed with healthy stuff to keep me on track.
  • Everything is packed and ready for the day. 

Pets are peacefully snoozing on their beds. I'm finishing my coffee. Plan for today:

  • Finish coffee while I log here and check Noom
  • Shower, get dressed
  • Sneak binders out to car
  • Check on shoe repair
  • Get mail
  • Get lunch at Starbucks and read mail
  • Assemble more of Dad's binders from mail
  • Go to Trader Joe's for more cat litter... I only have one cat but he's a pee machine
  • Shoot for 5:45 yoga class at gym I pay for but have been MIA... Me and all the other New Year's resolutionists can elbow each other together

Can't concentrate at home. Too keyed up from being hyper vigilant to avoid drama.

What definitely worked this weekend was that I did my Sams Club haul on the way to meeting up with him. I had a whole kitchen and nearly empty fridge to use to meal prep for this week and nobody yelling at me, manipulating me, or making constant demands on my time and attention while I did it. Super tempted to get my chuckbox out of storage and bring it with me next time.

What really surprised me was that the state of the house, the cat, and my dad were just fine when I got back from being away a night. He really is doing better. No wonder he is being such a pain in the...

---

Didn't make it from my door to the front door fast enough (ironic because they are next to each other... maybe I need to start hopping out my bedroom window so I can get a cup of coffee and read my mail?) and got caught in helping dad... and wore myself out. My body battery shows a cliff drop from 70% to 30% with the helpful message "Pace yourself! if you keep going at this rate you will burn out." 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I did get to the post office. One achievement on my list. My ratty old tom cat is earning his chicken dinners today. I collapsed on my bed and he came over to purr in my ear. My stress level dropped down to blue.

---

Why do I always forget about 800mg of advil and a cup of coffee for putting yourself back together.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
That's a good omen that your Dad can spend some time alone....that sure frees your time up a lot. During the more than 7 years that I cared for my Mom......we either still had our house ( for 4 years)...or we had an apartment so that I could get a break myself.....at one point I lived in her house for 4 months and I literally thought I would lose my mind...I have never been a crier...but I got to the point I was escaping to my room and calling D and crying the entire call.....so went back out and got another apartment and improved immediately. Being a caretaker is so much harder than anyone ever imagines.......it is the type of thing that you have to experience to understand. Good for you that you found some peace.

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
It's debilitating. I just read my bio on here and had to change it to reflect my fresher and more positive mindset. Hindsight is 20/20... I should never have moved in to "help" my parents.

Reading your comment I should probably put some hustle on finding a caregiver support group.

You really worked hard for your mom.

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
It's shocking what no processed foods does for a health turnaround. He barely needs to be on oxygen anymore.


bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
The role reversal part is hard on both parent and child and after a lifetime of being the parent...he resists...and the child becomes the head of the house and makes new rules and meaning well.....ends up feeling a lot of responsibility..while the parent feels resentment. It's tough......but you have made his life a lot better with diet and rearranging the house to meet both of your needs..........it's good to hear that he is using less oxygen....that must make you feel good and him too. You are doing a good job HAP.....take breaks when you need to....because you NEED TO!!!!

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
Augh... Thank you for the guidance.

You inspired me to search online and I found caregiver support groups sponsored by a hospital next to Costco and Sams Club... So I can put an order in, pick it up, and go to group.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/13/2020:
isn't it (sometimes) so wonderful when people contribute to our own esteem!? glad you are doing well.

you are def doing well today. thanks for posting that you are well!

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
I think I missed something... "people contribute to our own esteem"?


horn_of_plenty on 01/13/2020:
Your guy! Being with him made you feel good :)

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
Aaaaaaaw, yeah. That's why he's my guy. The cat on the other hand... he's the bad boyfriend that does naughty things and infuriates me but is so cute I keep letting him back into my bed.


Donkey on 01/14/2020:
I think a caregiver support group is an excellent idea.


legcramps on 01/14/2020:
You know, that looks like a pretty good day to me. I know you got stressed and some stuff didn't get done, but you let your cat cheer you up, and you let your ex-ish set you up for a good day today by making you feel good yesterday. It's not about "someone" or "something" making you happy, instead allowing them the opportunity to make you smile. Glad you let them do that for you.

What is a chuckbox?

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
There is a lot to be said for just being open and letting happiness in. Or a bedraggled tom cat in need of a home.

A chuckbox is a big box that serves as a portable camp kitchen. Usually made of wood or plastic.

https://www.rei.com/blog/camp/how-to-build-your-own-camp-kitchen-chuck-box

Mine is soft-sided and comes apart so it is easier to fit in a car. As I think about it, I could just pull out the bags and leave the table at home for meal prep. I like this because it leaves a little more space when packed and also works great out of the back of my car for tailgating.

https://www.petersenshunting.com/files/2017/05/kitchen_7.jpg

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
Solid chuckboxes fold open, making them hard to leave in the back of the car and still use... Means more work packing and unpacking... And something heavy to haul. With this I can pull all the heavy bags out and move the table, or leave it assembled and pull out a separate waist-height table to cook on.



happy-1 - Sunday Jan 12, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 26 on Noom 

Actually caught myself checking the Noom calorie distribution today when I was about to eat string cheese, saw it was part of the red group and I was over calories on, and picked chicken instead.

Got up on time this morning. One foot in front of each other.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
Good job...Noom is working for you!!

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
We shall see! I still emotionally/binge ate 2 rx bars and a small bean and cheese quesadilla last night. Less than other binge eating sessions though. Maybe not enough protein at dinner.


bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
Noon didn't have any impact on me at all......if you get something out of it then something is better than nothing.....sounds like it's making you think...it just made me rebel...LOL

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
You only look mainstream on the outside, I get it.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/13/2020:
great job picking something more satisfying / filling.



happy-1 - Thursday Jan 09, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 23 on Noom

Dog woke me up at 5:30am. I was lucky and got 5/45 hrs of sleep so I will be functional if a little overwhelmed today. I could have gone to a 7:30 yoga class but last night was exhausting and I just stared into space for a couple of hours. The folks there were 10 kinds of crazy with the loss of their parent(s) and I was one of them. I did talk to a nice lady in the parking lot after for a while.

Eventually I got up and started doing mindless chores, and started my day. There's so many dishes to wash. I don't feel like washing them. I'd rather just throw them all away.

Tracking where my day goes...

  • 5:30 AM - Up. Too early.  Or bed too late.
  • Weigh in
  • Coffee, nonfat milk powder, lairds creamer
  • Shower
  • Apple, almond butter packet
  • Noom
  • Change cat boxes
  • Take out trash and recyling
  • General pickup and tidying
  • Setup dishes to wash
  • 9:30 AM - Break to log here while I pet my fat, persnickety tomcat
  • cheap supermarket sushi: seaweed salad, spicy brown rice tuna roll
  • 11am haircut
  • 1/2 pbj (100% whole wheat bread, creamy peanut butter, reduced sugar jam)
  • 1 PM Take dad to doctor
  • seltzer
  • 3 PM Take dad home from doctor
  • Crawl off to bed for a while. Unbellievably wiped
  • 2 packets peanuts
  • Tortilla chips with cheese
  • Realize I am too tired to go to Sams Club to pick up order. Will have to go in AM.
  • Hot tea with powdered milk
  • Vacuum
  • Clean out fridge
  • Do dad's sheets, curtains, etc.
  • Dog poops in house, I step in it. Lots to clean up
  • More chores
  • 8pm - Should be in bed. Still doing laundry
  • Turkey patty with 2 slices wheat bread
  • 9pm Hot tea with powdered milk
  • chips w cheese
  • 10pm - Mom's auto voicmail rings to tell dad to check his numbers, have a snack, goodnight. I listen to it like 201 times. I want my mom.
  • 10:05pm - lights out, pets evicted. in bed

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/09/2020:
nice job! i am eager to start making my own seaweed salads, i just need to find a place that sells the type of seaweed i want....i may find it tonight :)

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:
It was pretty good. Wreaked havoc on my tummy. Must have been a lot of sugar


bearcountrygg on 01/09/2020:
I hear you about washing dishes...that and cleaning bathrooms are my most detested chores.

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:
Augh


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/10/2020:
Sometimes seaweed salads do that too me too - lots of water also and fiber.


Donkey on 01/11/2020:
Chips are my downfall - always.



happy-1 - Wednesday Jan 08, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Noom Day 22 

Gradually getting back on plan.

  • Was up before 8 AM (7:30... major improvement over yesterday)
  • Weighed in
  • Showered
  • Had coffee
  • Logged coffee to Noom as breakfast and read articles
  • Updated habit tracker
  • Fed pets (prompted by the cat trying to eat me)
  • Had on track breakfast (1/2 enchilada, 2 eggs, greens, hot sauce)
  • Laundry
  • Filled dad's med tray
  • Dishes
  • Floors
  • Tidying
  • Dyed eyebrows and lashes with lash tint
  • 1 piece whole wheat toast, mustard, low sodium deli turkey
  • Watching emergence as a break
  • Cheese stick, apple
  • Went through grocery ads.
  • Listened to dad feel sad about mom
  • Ate emotionally in bedroom, but did ok. RX bar, seltzer 7.5 oz

---

 

Tonight is the adult loss of parent support group. It's $100 for 8 weeks. Fair price to support the group.

I'm also supposed to look for a cargiver support group... But one thing at a time.

---

Tired. Had a negative morning start. Tried sending fun date ideas to ex-ish and got negativity in response. Not that he doesn't want to see me or do anything,  just... He's stressed and tired and everything is overwhelming. And possibly not the best things to send over text... Ideas were art walk (he doesn't want to go), cooking class (he doesn't want to take a class, any class, ever), Scot festival in February (no response at all to that), and reflexology massage and sushi (no go on both). He does want to go to Medieval Times... which I cringe at the idea of, but could be fun with him. He likes things like movies (why do I have to sit still for 2h?), sitting around watching Netflix, and Disneyland. To make it even more confusing, he sent a link with good places to go hiking last week... but didn't want to go to any of those places. It was just for me to see and go there on my own (cause that's fun... not).

*Bangs head gently on pillow*

 

 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2020:
lol that's funny he sends you places to hike, without him! sounds like exish likes to RELAX in his spare time! i would do an ART WALK! and Scot Festival!

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
Right? Aaaaaaaaaargh.

I am down to just relax... but it gets BORING. Doing SOMETHING... even 1x a month... We're not some old married couple.

You would be fun to do both those things with!


bearcountrygg on 01/08/2020:
You did get lots done today. I will say one thing....if you force a guy to go and participate in something he doesn't want to do....he will make you miserable....maybe at some point you can take turns picking things to do......but at least he gave you some ideas too.......hopefully there is something that you would enjoy too...He sounds like he may not like small groups...and prefers to do things where there is no contact with others besides you......things you can just go to on your own together with no specific times.

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:
Force, no. Nudge, yes. He hasn't been exposed to any of the cultural or historical stuff in our area... and sometimes he really actually enjoys things he wouldn't have expected to enjoy... Like checking out Los Alamitos Ranch and Gardens, the Botanical Gardens, etc. He was one of the cool kids in high school and that meant never stepping out of his comfort zone.


Donkey on 01/09/2020:
Sounds like a good day to me!

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:
It was!



happy-1 - Tuesday Jan 07, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Noom Day 21

Still off track. Binge ate last night and stayed up too late. Overslept this morning. Diddled around tidying then slapped myself in the face, changed my attitude, and made progress on two critical action items... and limited dad to those two action items when he wanted to pile more on top of me. Then I slicked a clear polish over my nails. I even ordered cat pine litter for local pickup at the cheap rate. Planning my next move for the day...

Things I can look forward to...

  • Wed - Grief support group starts. 
  • Thurs - Haircut
  • Fri - Organizer
  • Sat - Farmers market and art walk with the ex-ish 

And also looking forward to getting knocked back on track by time with the ex-ish. Noom coach says that time with friends is good but also knocks me off track because even though I stick to my plans (bringing water, skipping boba, starting with soup, skipping cupcakes, getting home on time), because they do not make healthy choices for themselves the micro interactions between those choices contribute to overall self control / self discipline depletion and in my case actual burnout. It's not just me. It's an actual thing... Which makes me feel better a bit... I wouldn't kick myself for getting off track with a head cold, I would just give myself recovery time.

---

Realized today that Hulu Live has news channels... How did I not realize this before???? Omg... Back to the world.

---

Was about to do yoga at home for the first time since I finished setting up the studio space... and my mom's cat peed all over my purple mat with dragon flies on it I have had since college. I was getting him a scratchpad for that spot when he took a leak and I swatted him with the scratchpad, then chased him through the house.  The yoga mat is soaking in the tub with dish detergent.  The cat is locked in the small bathroom untill mommy calms down.

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't have kids. You can't lock your child in a bathroom till you calm down.

Breathe. It was an old mat. I have a super nice one in the car to take for studios... it was why I saved my old yoga mats... so that my dog could have walkways on slippery surfaces. 

Except Internet research shows that cats love to pee on yoga mats. Rubber emits some kind of smell that is close to their own urine... so they just whiz away on them and shred them up. 

Murder kitty, murder.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/08/2020:
Well.....true...you can't lock a kid in the bathroom....but you can lock your self in there......I have no idea how many times in my life during a high frustration level with a kid......i would say "I have to go to the bathroom..."....And NEVER did anyone say..".OH NO YOU DON'T"......so it diffused the situation. Also.......did you know that you should never clean a litter box out with any kind of soap or cleaner......just dump it...scrape it with a litter sifter......and dispose of the litter ( bagged of course)...in the trash.......if you scrub or spray or clean their litter box they are highly offended and treat it as if it should not be used? In fact when buying a new litter box take a little of the dirty litter from their old box and put it in the new one......show it to them...put them in it...it's okay if they jump right back out....but introduce them to it....also some cats are highly offended by a litter box that is not cleaned often and will refuse to use it. You can also take the cat to the litter box and sit it in there...and praise them...some are just confused and have some old bad habits.......we do that with puppies...and when potty training children....it can work with cats too.....good puck...it's never any fun finding "surprises".

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
HA!!!! If I ever do pull off foster/adopting kids I will look for a house with small bedrooms and huge bathrooms.

When I clean his litter box, I just dislodge and wipe off any poop that hit the sides... He loves the pine litter.

I moved my camp chair off the vinyl flooring, put the yoga mat down, turned my back to get the camera tripod (to mount my phone at an angle I can see and the instructor can see me in the mirrors)... and in that minute I heard scratching, grabbed a scratch pad to move him to, and then saw him pee the mat. I swatted him because picking him up mid pee just creates a kitty fountain.

He's just being an ******.


bearcountrygg on 01/08/2020:
Forgot to mention that it isn't good to keep moving their litter box...if you do have to move it...then only move it a very few inches a day...so that it's barely noticeable......I will be moving Sampsons boxes this winter to a different part of the basement and it will take me a couple of weeks to get them to the new spots.......they are like us...they like to know where the bathrooms are.

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
Good to know... I will do that if I ever need to move litter boxes again!


innerpeace on 01/08/2020:
I don't know about that! My mom locked one of her great grand kids in the room until she quit screaming. It was only about 5 minutes...but it can happen. LOL have a great day.

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
If you are really on your last nerve and ancient... Might be the smart choice! I'm amazed she had the physical strength.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2020:
Lately i'm binge eating in terms of too much volume...I need to have a little less soon.



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