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happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 23, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Binged again today. Ate taco chips because:

  • I had cramps and a headache
  • I had to come home early because I didn’t feel well and everything at the cafe was getting on my nerves. Every conversation I overheard was inane, sounds were annoying 
  • I miss having a life and friends 
  • I miss my guy, but he’s also been hard to spend time with lately. He’s under a lot of stress at work and it is taking its toll on him
  • I was desperate for something crunchy with salt
  • My laptop repair was thwarted again by a cheap screwdriver and I can’t get to my second brain. I can’t think without my calendar 
  • My mom is miserable from chemo and I can’t fix it and everything she says is horribly creepy. It’s the “chemo brain“
  • I am overwhelmed by all their stuff. How can people amass this much stuff???

Ironically, I am wearing my skinny jeans today... and my arms look way better. I also signed up for a gym I really like so I can do yoga there every day to strengthen my neck, reduce headaches and get back to work. Farewell Classpass. I also mostly ate healthy.

How I am getting my head out of my butt and back to “normal”:

  1. I took a Flexeril to kill the headache 
  2. I changed out of my street clothes and into comfy pjs
  3. I did a quick pickup of all the junk on my floor. I don’t know why but I create a mess in 2 min flat.
  4. I logged here. 
  5. I decided to go to bed early... like 8ish if I can. 



Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 04/23/2019:
Great job losing 100.7! It's easy to overeat when we are stressed...I had a mini stress/ food episode today too.......It does make me wonder why food is a stress reliever...when we already know it will stress us out even more....Wish it wasn't all so difficult.

happy-1 on 04/23/2019:
“Food is complicated” as my nutritionist says... We’re dealing with the lizard brain.

BearCountryGG on 04/23/2019:
P.S. spent Sunday with a brother in law with chemo brain....it is a "thing"...he brings it up often and so does D's sister...she looks pained.....i swear it is as hard on the immediate family as it is the sick one.....Hang in there.

happy-1 on 04/23/2019:
This is why shows like “90 day fiancé” and others exist... get your mind off the horror

Horn_of_plenty on 04/24/2019:
you are doing great picking yourself back up. try to see about buyinng a few more healthy snacks / seltzers low cal things so when you get that munchy feeling, you don't have to eat chips only ;) despite it all, you are being very proactive and doing a good job, Happy!

Donkey on 04/24/2019:
Although it may not feel like it, I see you doing a remarkable job with coping with an extremely difficult situation.


BearCountryGG on 04/24/2019:
I like 90 day fiancee too.....it appears that for the most part they are self destructing though. Culture differences are a bear!

Maria7 on 05/02/2019:
You are amazing. Take time for you.

happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 23, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

I binged yesterday... I had a giant chocolate chip cookie. Later I had chocolate almonds. Then before bed I had a trader joe’s frozen dinner.

I was at the cafe below my gym when I had the cookie. I ate the cookie because:

  1. I had already had second breakfast... coffee, half a wrap, quinoa, water, 16oz lentil soup... and I was still HUNGRY HUNGRY after a 2.5 hour workout. 
  2. I was going through mail and loose papers and getting anxious.
  3. I really, really wanted a fresh bakery cookie.
  4. My whole body hurts. That spill in the parking lot really banged me up.
  5. I am sad because I am so bruised up I look like mid-90s Courtney Love.
  6. I wanted to be in a pool in sunshine swimming, not a hospital cafeteria.
  7. I am having a hard time planning life goals and progress towards them right now because everything is sooooo complicated.

At least eating the cookie made it possible to go through paperwork and bust my hump till they closed at 2:30. That place is awesome. They have a takeaway fridge full of meals I can actually have and in quantities I can have them. Except nothing like 2 cups of broccoli to round out a meal so I ate the cookie because my stretch receptors weren’t happy.

I ate the chocolate almonds because I got home at about 4 and I was just exhausted. Like a dead fish. Plus the amount of work that drowns me the minute i pull into the driveway is enormous and overwhelming.

I ate the frozen dinner because I was still hungry after dinner. I made up what I had bought for Easter dinner... Salmon, green beans and sweet potatoes. I had a single serving but it didn’t “hold” and make me feel like I could go to sleep.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 04/23/2019:
That spill in the parking lot sounds really painful! ((HUGS))

happy-1 on 04/23/2019:
It was. I cried and had a freak out on my guy. He took it all in stride.

legcramps on 04/23/2019:
I hope you are healing from your fall.

We all have our days where the cookie thing is just going to happen and THAT'S OK. We shouldn't make ourselves feel bad for having a treat no matter what the reason is. Yesterday, I was so overdone from the weekend that I took three naps and ate whatever I wanted. That's how it goes. I'm not going to worry about it, instead i'll just move forward and do my best today. Just like every day!

happy-1 on 04/23/2019:
Hugs. It’s a good attitude to have. I tipped from pre diabetic to diabetic though so those kinds of splurges need to wait for big hikes or days at Disneyland.

I got a cliff builder bar in peanut butter/chocolate instead of the cookie today though!

horn_of_plenty on 04/23/2019:
despite everything (and i hope you feel better after parking lot accident), you had a nice balanced dinner..keep on, you can do this.

maybe drink more water.

happy-1 - Monday Apr 22, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Weight 223.8 (down another pound!), bodyfat 37%... down a whole percentage point! But the shocker was that even though I am heavier, I lost a whole inch from neck to calves... like I peeled off a rubber suit. It certainly explains why I am moderately less dying of heat all the time. Still too hot all the time, but I’m not gasping.

Yesterday I binged on 73% dark chocolate almonds... but was exhausted and didn’t write down why. Will get another chance to today I am sure, lol.

Stronger and stronger one brick at a time.

Today’s motivational pin...



Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 04/22/2019:
So nice to be cooler in the california heat.....Good for you!!! Love the sign!!!

horn_of_plenty on 04/22/2019:

nice job on moderately keeping on...stronger and stronger the more you keep at it! keep at it!

Donkey on 04/23/2019:
Chocolate covered nuts are 100% my weakness. Cannot have them anywhere near me.

On the other hand, there are worse foods to binge on. If you gave to go over the top, at least it had done nutritional value... so, not a defeat. Today is a new day.

horn_of_plenty on 04/23/2019:
i can't do choc covered nuts either.

happy-1 - Sunday Apr 21, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

224.8! down a lb and only 8 lbs up from plateau weight!!!! I was rewarded for logging instead of binging! What a great discovery for a holiday about rebirth. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/21/2019:
Happy Easter to Happy! very happy to hear you are doing well now!!!!

This is definitely a rebirth for you!

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
Ty! Happy Passover and Easter to you!

Donkey on 04/21/2019:
Happy Easter! Even in the darkness, there is hope.

I'm so proud of you for last night!!!!!!!

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
Happy Easter!

BearCountryGG on 04/21/2019:
Great way top stop a potential binge...Happy Easter happy!

happy-1 on 04/22/2019:
Ty!!!! One mountain at a time

Horn_of_plenty on 04/21/2019:
ty Happy xoxo

happy-1 - Saturday Apr 20, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Feeling ready to binge and I don’t want to destroy the progress I made this week. So I will log here instead. I weighed in at 225.4 this AM and am good to go to yoga tomorrow at 9am. I want to go to yoga 5x a week... rest on wednesday and saturday. It will get myneck in good shape and help me get off the flexeril. It makes me extra tired and I don’t like it. 

I want to binge because:

  • I don’t like my reflection in the mirror when I am sitting. My beer gut is super floppy.
  • My laptop is broken and the new screwdriver stripped after only 4 screws... and I literally can’t think straight without my apple calendar.
  • I missed a deadline for a critical payment and it posted a day late.
  • I am tired.
  • My legs are all bruised from a bad fall.
  • I tried to go to a friend’s birthday party and I lasted 10 min. I’m not ready to do normal.
  • I miss my guy.
  • I want to go camping. I want to be outside for like a week and get real rest.
  • My to do list is a mile long.
  • I can’t do enough for my parents.

Putting all of that here helps. Time to take a sleep aid and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/21/2019:
Very proud of you for logging here instead of bingeing and also for sorting out your feelings. i used to have so much more trouble than i have now with bingeing but luckily now i have a lot more tools in my bag to help me on a day to day basis ;)

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
Hugs! That must be quite a set of tools!

Donkey on 04/21/2019:
VERY proud! This is a good idea. Oh my, I should do this, when I'm feeling that evening, after-dinner anxiety! Wow, what a great idea!!!! Thanks!

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
Hugs! I think I’ll just post whenever I feel like binging... might mean multiple a day but I want to track the binge urges separately. Would be cool to see you do the same and compare triggers

Donkey on 04/21/2019:
^^^Great idea! I will try very hard to remember to do THIS instead of eating/bingeing.

BearCountryGG on 04/21/2019:
I think I need to do this too sometimes....

happy-1 - Saturday Apr 20, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Weight 225.4... a whole lot better than 231 which is what I bounced up to when parent health crisis / formal end of life care started. Not as good as 216 which is what I was down to in January... but I am on my way.

Also, yoga is really helping with the tension headaches (which came back/were made worse by getting mom up and down stairs) but I’m not off the flexeril yet. I am having a rough time making it past 6pm.... On the other hand, I was up at 5am on my own this morning. It always feels awesome to beat the alarm.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/20/2019:
rest and sleep is important for you. makes sense to be tired come the evening if you were up and at it all day!!! :)

i don't understand your photo??

also, nice job getting back on track! so proud of you!!!

happy-1 on 04/20/2019:
I liked that pic... I thought it was an uplifting summation of “always do your best”. Felt good to see it on Pinterest today.

Donkey on 04/20/2019:

Horn - the meme's point is that if you put forth your best effort, then that is all you can do. You might not win the "official" price - you still might be voted off the island - but at least you gave it your best effort, and that in itself is the real prize.

Oh my word, this is so inspirational - thank you!

Happy - I'm so glad that you talk about doing yoga. I've really got to try that for myself... I don't know why I'm struggling with taking this step.

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
I didn’t like yoga till i tried classes at small studios off classpass. It fixed my neck and gave me back my sanity. Big box gyms and fancy places did not do it for me.

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
I find a lot of life is covered by the 4 agreements, thank u

BearCountryGG on 04/20/2019:
The pics are so true.....we all have our own BEST!!! I know what you are going through with being a caretaker...I cared for both of my parents and it is so draining....I'm glad you are taking some time for yourself amid all of the care giving.

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
i’m making my list of minimum self care items i need to do daily. i’ve been so tired i just fall asleep wherever I am and forget to brush or floss

happy-1 - Sunday Apr 14, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3


Inching back to fitness in the middle of a 3-way family crisis. Progress:

  1. I drew a hardline on doing caregiving for two critically ill parents without backup and got my dad to sign a contract with a caregiving agency. 1 day a week someone else will come and deal with any crisises. I can get my business done and have a date night. It may include a hot kickboxer who has discovered that walks around historic sites are cool. It may be with myself. But one day a week I only worry about myself and my dog. And I get coverage for Labor Day Weekend.
  2. I refilled meds and packed prescriptions. Made an appointment with my gp. 
  3. I made a travel pouch with my daily skincare regimen. I will look amazing. 
  4. I finally got my hair color right.
  5. I packed a healthy cooler grab bag and assembled my next sams club order.
  6. I made dinner. chicken pot pie soup with sourdough toast. Yum!
  7. I have yoga tomorrow. a studio in long beach off class pass. they have showers. I’ll get to wash up and put on makeup 

onwards and upwards.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 04/14/2019:
Really good plan! Glad you are taking care of you!

happy-1 on 04/20/2019:
Ty!!! big hugs

Donkey on 04/14/2019:
I'm glad you got some help with the caretaking. Everyone needs a day off... maybe even 2?

happy-1 on 04/20/2019:
omg... 2 days??? definitely needed.

horn_of_plenty on 04/15/2019:
I am so glad your parents will be getting additional help! this is definitely a lifesaver for you!

Happy, lovely progress!!!! :) you are prepared for awhile and did a lot of really nice self-help things!

happy-1 on 04/20/2019:

happy-1 - Friday Mar 29, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Hugs to all. Managed to get 4 yoga classes, a haircut, back on eating pattern, a couple of snack bags of veggies prepped, a doc visit, a support group night, and some away from the house spaceout time as my acts of self care. Trying to figure out how I can manage to get a break.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 03/29/2019:
wow...GREAT job! you are VERY on target right now!

ahhh, you motivate me to get stuff done and get my own act together!!

Donkey on 03/30/2019:
The yoga studio that is within biking distance of my house closed down! I was so sad to see that. I had always wanted to attend evening classes, but time and nerves got the better of me. Thought of you though, when I saw that.

Yep, you need a break. I'm glad to hear you've got a support group(s) and at least have self-care on your mind as an option. Some folks don't even go there, unfortunately.

Maria7 on 03/30/2019:
Thank you for your compliment to me, Happy. I admire that you are having 'me-time' for you...you really do need to take good care of yourself because you have a lot of responsibility in taking care of both of your parents. You are doing FANTASTIC! Smile!

happy-1 - Wednesday Mar 27, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

One foot in front of the other. My self care action for tonight was to give up on my mom and making sure she was good for the night and just go to bed on time at 9pm. She was being rude and difficult so I just walked away, got her a nightgown and some sheets, threw them on the bed, and told her to check her own blood sugar, temperature, drink the gatorade, put her own sheets on the bed and good luck I'm going to bed. 9:10 now. In bed with earplugs, lights out, dog walked and fed.

Plan for tomorrow:

  • Be up and out by 7AM for 8AM yoga class
  • Survive a challenging yoga class and shower there.
  • Find a really good breakfast somewhere.
  • Drive to shrink visit. 
  • Go to Ralphs for my dad. Whatever he wants I guess.
  • Drop food off at home.
  • Drive to Cancer Support Center. Take my time there before I go to the support group meeting.

Doing another calendar micromanagement session... Hopefully it sets up a routine for a home health worker to follow. Debating getting Alexa in every room of the house... Bug all of us to stay on task.

My super hot kickboxing hunky boyfriend sent me this... I said I feel the same way about getting him in another jacuzzi suite with mirrors on the ceiling.

And it was also a little weird because I definitely don't feel beautiful right now. I'm running myself ragged chasing after my parents health appointments. Wiped. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/27/2019:
Yep, sometimes you have to save yourself and walk away. Glad to hear you're getting some emotional support.

happy-1 on 03/29/2019:
Well, at least try to find a balance.

I'm super lucky to have him. He's great.

horn_of_plenty on 03/27/2019:
i guess your guy also likes sweets...take the compliment! so nice of him to think of you and send you something thoughtful!

i'm really sorry to hear of the cancer / congestive heart failure. those are really big issues. sending you warm thoughts.

happy-1 on 03/29/2019:
He says he doesn't like sweets... then pounds a powerade, lol.

TY. Hugs. It's a rough deal for sure, but we are trying to pull together as a family.

horn_of_plenty on 03/29/2019:
YUP i agree...Powerade is definitely a sweet / sugary drink!!!!!!!!!!! LIAR!

happy-1 - Monday Mar 25, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Did best effort again today. Did a better job of keeping my word immaculate. And the other 2 agreements fell in somewhere between the first 2.

Got mom to eat almost a normal amount of food today. It was a lot of work. Also cleaned the kitchen and did a grocery run.

Made it back to yoga sunday morning. Missing it Monday morning. Dad had an anxiety attack at 12am. It's getting to be a routine

225.6 getting super fat again. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 03/25/2019:
you can fix the weight gain...go back to what you were doing before which was planning your meals. you can do this.

can dad take a xanax? i'm serious...

i hope everyone feels better.

remember to take care of you first, you are young and have a full life ahead of you.

happy-1 on 03/26/2019:
Hugs! This site was key in helping me get and stay on plan, even if I tracked it elsewhere... One step at a time!

Donkey on 03/26/2019:
My mom gained back quite a bit of weight while my stepfather was in decline.

Try to take care of yourself as best as you can. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Your strength and endurance are amazing to me.

happy-1 on 03/27/2019:
Ty. In some ways everything is suddenly easier because I'm not running around thinking there is something terribly wrong with me... I realize now that I live with crazy people and they got inside my head and didn't call 911 for me when my neck got broken because they actually are crazy.

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