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happy-1 - Thursday Mar 10, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

Thurs 3/10/22 12:45 pm

Aaaargh. Inch by inch.... BUT... Everytime I gain an inch, I lose a mile.  

Successful day with caregiver coworking yesterday. 8 people showed. Everyone liked it and said they'd be interested in doing it again. I gave myself an easy start. I just opened the bag of papers I'd been shoving into dad's go bag and organized it. After the call I did one small task. I made inquiries into what it would take to prepay his cremation in the event of his untimely passing. It's $1499, but I already know he won't do it because if I do it after he passes it's only $700. Still... one small step.

I'm an idiot though.. Ithen wanted to move onto his current papers and touching them triggered a full rage fit where he called me every name in the book. Not different than any other day, really. But I didn't have to do that one.

To add to that, my toilet is backed up and it's not unclogging. I've used Dawn, hot water, a snake and a plunger. It's not budging. I had to use the main bathroom last night. So everytime I got up to go to the bathroom I got crosswise with my dad. For various reasons I don't want to call a plumber unless I really can't do this one myself so I am just working it incrementally.

I did do yoga and the Fitcam app.

To top it all off, I played with a PT app at bedtime, ate extra snacks, and fell asleep without putting my cpap back on.

So... Pattern analysis.

 

VO2 Max BB Total Sleep Deep REM

7D Avg Sleep

H2O BP on meds and coffee FstBS
26 25+ <7:00 Light (1:00+) Light (1:00+) Good M OK H

  • Stress and dad situation increased sleep latency. Instead of sleeping 8:30-4:30AM,I slept 12:40-7:15AM. Yuck
  • Doing yoga wore down my body battery on a day I didn't have it because of stress... Delayed asleep time wore me down to 8... past 12 body battery, the cutoff for quality sleep, so sleep quality dropped. Cpap might have helped bring up numbers a little bit, but the total sleep time and pattern shows I didn't have REM cycles to interrupt
  • The extra snacks while waiting to fall asleep spiked my sugar even though they were low carb, so body battery didn't fully charge
  • Even though I made an effort to drink the rest of my water 2h before bed, I should have done electrolyte water. I still woke up dehydrated which would account for the slight spike in my blood pressure even though it was OK

7777K possible combinations. 390 of them are in the exercise zone. About 5%. No wonder I feel like I am in Groundhog Day... doing the same thing over and over again until I get it right and the magic combination happens that shows I have learned my lesson and can be allowed to move on.

Inch by inch, one step at a time.

At least I tried another PT app today. For $40-$100/mo, One Step will do PT telehealth and the PT said it does approximate a custom workout video. Waiting for her to post the PT routine. I asked for 7 days a week so that if my target is 7 I at least come away with 5.

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/10/2022:
Inch by inch.


Donkey on 03/11/2022:
Is "PT" physical therapy or personal training?

That's just awful about the plumbing, on top of everything else. Who needs that ever? NOBODY. I think if I had to guess, the snake would be your best bet to dislodge the clog.

happy-1 on 03/11/2022:
Physical therapy.

Miraculously I cleared the partial clog… Took 2 days but no need to take everything out of my tiny bathroom to clear space for the plumber… or clean up after the giant mess they leave. Toilet snake, dish soap, hot water, let drain, plunge… every couple of hours… still less work than the plumber.


Maria7 on 03/11/2022:
There is something you can pour down drains that may help. I think the name of it is RID-X...it helps with septic systems.

happy-1 on 03/11/2022:
Our plumbing is so delicate we are only able to use vinegar, baking soda, and dish detergent. But good to know!


bearcountrygg on 03/11/2022:
By any chance are you flushing kitty litter down there? That will plug up the system.

happy-1 on 03/11/2022:
No… using equine pine pellets. Compostable and cheap so I just change the whole box every other day or so. No need to scoop. Better for asthma. I can’t take the dust from the litter. It’s more likely it was just toilet paper that needed a couple of days to break down… thank goodness!



happy-1 - Wednesday Mar 09, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

Wed 3/9/22 9am:

Pattern busting is working. Check out all the in range targets. Hydration was low.

  
 

If I have the pattern correct, today I need to drink a bunch of water before I eat, wait till hdrop says I am hydrated, then prioritize cardio, do 3 or 4 light paperwork tasks, rest until it is time for restorative yoga, then if my body battery is above 25 do kitchen tasks like dishes before I shower.

Caregiver coworkimg experiment starts today.

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/09/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 03/09/2022:
7:30pm Caregiver coworking was a success.

I need to get ahold of dad’s current papers. I touched them today and he freaked out and has been cursing at me all day. Apparently I’m a screwup and an $&@%#€£… A waste of a human being. I just walk out of the room every time he starts screaming at me. It’s time to put a real lock on my door.

I did a breath work yoga class this afternoon. Didn’t like it.

The carb smart ice cream bars in the freezer are calling to me but I must resist.

I want to eat an entire prime rib buffet. Made do with keto cookies and almond butter.

happy-1 on 03/09/2022:
Didn’t pull off cardio. Had to get gas, go to post office and wash dishes.

What a difference bed rest makes.


bearcountrygg on 03/09/2022:
Good luck with the caregiver today.


Donkey on 03/09/2022:
I'm interested to hear how the caregiver stuff goes.

I just figured out how to enlarge your graphics on my laptop - I'm so tickled with myself, but at the same time, kind of embarrassed that my tech level is just really at the bottom.

Anyway, very interesting -- I know someone (on FB, so not a personal friend) who uses "trainerize" for an app, but she says it's her trainer's app. So, like legcramps says, it's out there, but I too have no idea how to go about accessing just the app without having to join a gym.

happy-1 on 03/11/2022:
Hugs. Caregiver stuff went well. People did tasks they've been putting off for years.


Donkey on 03/10/2022:
Saw another app today: FitOn. Not sure if that's what you're looking for, but I thought I'd mention it.



happy-1 - Wednesday Mar 09, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

 @legcramps... Making a separate post so I can share photos...

The issue with PT isn't the exercises, it's the coordinated effort of different skills to get through a daily PT routine... There's a lot of stuff that goes into the process of it that with a different format is less challenging. I'm looking for something like Fitcam app... it has a daily routine. You press the Start/Resume button at the top and it walks you through an educational video, then autoplays each assignment in order like a custom workout video. No brainpower or focus required. There are videos available from the PT sheets, but they don't do reps, count holds, or autoplay as a routine.

Any ideas?

 

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

legcramps on 03/09/2022:
Gotcha. There are apps out there, but none that I know of where you can plug exercises into it and it will show you the video and time it while you are performing it. I'm not savvy on all the latest technology though, so who knows if there's something out there that will do what you're looking for. I would say if there is, it will come at a price.

Having said that, there are gym franchises like Planet Fitness or Anytime Fitness that use their own apps and can build routines using specific exercises. Anytime Fitness can set up a routine step by step, show you the video, and there is even a timer in the app so you can time yourself - but not like a custom workout video where you would just follow along.

Sorry I can't help more! I agree that it would be great to be able to follow along with a video. I wonder if you could get through the process of making one - then you could just use it on repeat?

happy-1 on 03/09/2022:
I can’t take watching myself on video. It’s just too painful to see how much I’ve changed. Maybe there are PTs on Fiverr.



happy-1 - Tuesday Mar 08, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

Tues 3/8/22 3:29pm

Got REM last night but miscalculated with the carbs in Nut Thins and drove up sugar last night. Woke up with only 37 points for body battery. If I cracked the pattern, that means in order to get enough REM sleep again tonight, I need to stick to only doing a few light tasks and rest otherwise. Which feels insane... I'm actually feeling normal. I should be up cleaning the house, gettimg some cardio, running errands. Instead, I did basic daily maintenance stuff and a couple of tasks.

In the 8k possible combinations, 3 different ones in the last 3 days. All with pretty much the same result... wjich is fine. A predictable pattern can be havked.

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/08/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 03/08/2022:
I really miss chinese food delivery. I’d love some wor wonton soup and eggrolls. But if I want decent energy tomorrow, that’s not in the cards right now.


horn_of_plenty on 03/09/2022:
makes sense to rest and not overdo before tonight :)


Donkey on 03/09/2022:
I know what I feel like when Garmin says the body battery is in the 30's, so yes, I think rest and lighter activities, if any, would be a good choice.

Perhaps now is not the best time for Chinese take-out. It will still be there for you at a more opportune time. I guess what I'm trying to say is try not to sabotage your efforts.

happy-1 on 03/09/2022:
I think that’s my problem. Energy in the 70s doesn’t feel andy different than energy in the 30s. At least right now. Maybe because my body is just so burned out?

I didn’t get any Chinese takeout.. but maybe food cravings are part of the low energy pattern??? I made cowboy chicken soup instead. It wasn’t terrible.


legcramps on 03/09/2022:
I find these stats so interesting, and isn't it funny how you think you should be doing more but in fact, light maintenance is what will keep you going into tomorrow. Well done in setting yourself up for the rest of the week!

happy-1 on 03/09/2022:
Hey, it’s working well enough I feel like I can tackle PT if I can find a decent way to do it that requires less cognitive effort! Maybe this is a scientific discovery!



happy-1 - Monday Mar 07, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

 Mon 3-7-22 3:20pm

Pattern I cracked holds. I took it easy yesterday, avoided artificial sweetners and got 2 h REM sleep. Not my most productive day... I have high blood pressure and it made me a little sluggish... but at least I did PT this morning. 

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/07/2022:
Inch by inch I will turn it all around.

happy-1 on 03/07/2022:
Also, I tried to start analyzing patterns and stopped… there are almost 8000 variations if I look at all the possible combinations for body battery, sleep, 7 day sleep, hydration, blood pressure, and blood sugar. I probably only hit a few of them…

happy-1 on 03/07/2022:
6:45pm - Home. OMG. Taking dad to the doctor takes years off my life. That poor woman had to listen to a 400lb end stage diabetic rant about how he wants gallon containers of coffee ice cream. I went straight into pajamas. downed a chicken cesar salad, almond butter, and snickerdoodle cookies.


Jacky82020 on 03/07/2022:
8000! OMG! Good luck finding THE ONE. Soon.


horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2022:
omg.8000. that number scares me so much!


horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2022:
but if there are sooo many, many combos have o also be good combos!!!


Maria7 on 03/07/2022:
Good on the PT this morning. Hugs to you...I know that in your previous entry you said you miss your Mom. I miss mine, too (and still cry over her).


Donkey on 03/08/2022:
Two hours of REM is quite impressive. On a good day, I usually average a little over an hour, like an hour and 20 minutes at the most. I usually don't get more than that.

I'm rather inclined to agree with Horn, that with so many variations, surely there is more than one pattern that works.

IDK about your dad. That's very sad... although, part of me wants gallons of coffee ice cream too.



happy-1 - Sunday Mar 06, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

Sunday March 6, 2022 9:31 am: 

I don't want to face errands out today. It feels lazy and wasteful to order Instacart for me instead of my dad, but I don't think I have it in me to shop and meal prep today. REM was light last night and I feel a little out of it. According to the pattern, it was light because I had food changes yesterday... I had a protein bar instead of my biggest meal of the day for breakfast( running out of my groceries), too many carbs in my lunch, and keto brownie mix (chocolate, too many artificial sweetners... Jacked up my blood sugar, reduced REM, increased sleep latency... I won't buy it anymore after this is used up). I also was on my phone searching google (electronic decices, scrolling) at bedtime because I am obsessed with toning my brown hair from brassy red to ash. I felt better enough yesterday to give toning my hair with cyan manic panic (voodoo blue) mixed with conditioner and it didn't take. So "Yay! Better!" led to "Bah! Tired again." Phooey.

So Instacart it is. I'll prep my meals for the week when it gets here. Make dad chicken salad for his lunches. Clean out the freezer a bit. Keep it low key. Garmin shows a decent Body Battery because of low hrv overnight and plenty of deep. So yoga, definitely. Today was the first day my neck feels better about doing vinyasa or power again. I was able to easily balance on my left leg again yesterday. So one more restorative class today and see how I feel about vinyasa in the morning. Maybe a walk after the sun lowers this afternoon.

Moved trail mix, stevia chips, and keto brownies out of my bedroom. Ordered snickerdoodle cookies (good but not moresies), whole greek yogurt, and frozen strawberries to make my own strawberry yogurt this week. 
 

I really miss my mom today.

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/06/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 03/06/2022:
12:48pm. Despite exhaustion and anxiety… 2 surfaces tidied (chaos took over the house as I did things tired), plan for one fun thing made, groceries delivered, rx and o2 for dad arranged, chicken in toaster oven for week.


bearcountrygg on 03/06/2022:
Moving snacks out of the bedroom seems like a good idea.


Donkey on 03/07/2022:
(((hugs)))



happy-1 - Saturday Mar 05, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

Sat March 5, 2022 11:45 am:

Forgive me for not reading or commenting on posts this week. I finally got my pattern down and it’s like coming out of a very long bad dream. 
 
Thinking out loud for a minute….
 
My pattern that I found is that if I quit for the day no matter what at 25% body battery and keep it above 12% at minimum by the time I fall asleep (and manage to not eat anything for dinner or dessert that will drive up my sugar), I can get decent sleep every night and wakeup with enough energy to do EITHER 2 tasks at home OR 1 errand and one low drain task a day and still do yoga/PT… BUT if it involves taking my dad out of the house I need a buffer day before and after of complete rest except for yoga…
 
Does that sound unreasonable for the next 3 months? I can't get my head around 1) Doing that little. 2) It's more than I have been doing.

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/05/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 03/05/2022:
And that pattern sounds simple and obvious, but it’s against a consistent set of Alexa prompts that go 24x7 and variations including total bed rest vs going for walks, inside vs outside chores. Brown rice vs keto cookies, etc.


bearcountrygg on 03/05/2022:
I'm discovering patterns in myself. I think that as they say...something has to change for something to change...if we keep doing the same thing and getting the same result....we shouldn't surprised.....trying something new and giving it a few days or weeks etc.....may be an eye opener.....it's worth it......I'm still working out things that I wish I had noticed a very long time ago...BUT...I'm seeing them now.......Keep working on it.

happy-1 on 03/06/2022:
Hugs, ty.


Donkey on 03/05/2022:
Whoa... I have my fingers crossed for you that you have cracked the code. That would be so epic. Please keep us posted on this, if you can.

happy-1 on 03/06/2022:
Hugs. I will. You guys keep me going!!!

happy-1 on 03/06/2022:
Hugs. I will. You guys keep me going!!!



happy-1 - Wednesday Mar 02, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

 Wed 3/2/22 6:54am:

Seems pointless and irrelevant now compared to other people's struggles and losses... but I am pushing through with stats day by day, inch by inch. So that means posting stats here today again. Although it feels a little narcissistic.

Yin yoga was calming. I had a cheat meal after Instacart... frozen keto pizza and a salad. Somehow last night I was able to get to sleep more or less on time (cpap caused ear discomfort and neck pain). My air reported about 4 apnea events per hour. I didn't get a ton of REM, but I woke up with a higher Body Battery score than usual. Worth calling Garmin support to find out why.

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/02/2022:
Inch by inch


Jacky82020 on 03/02/2022:
Def give them a call!

happy-1 on 03/02/2022:
I called. They were actually really helpful. Apparently I had unusually low stress while sleeping last night... Maybe due to yin yoga, despite the keto pizza. Low stress means a lot more deep sleep happened than normal, so I have a higher body battery today.


Jacky82020 on 03/02/2022:
Good! Looks like you’re slept well if it only indicates awake once for a minute. I was awake for hours and several times when I used the tracker. Still am! Sucks!

happy-1 on 03/06/2022:
Hugs. Could be all the artificial sweeteners and processed foods.


Donkey on 03/04/2022:
Please do not discount your struggles one bit.

I'm glad you posted your stats. I know you are data-driven, or rather, use empirical data to navigate your journey. Very scientific :-) I had no idea that Garmin had a support number for questions like that. Wow, that's really helpful and helpful to know. Thank you!

happy-1 on 03/06/2022:
Hugs. I wish I could be there to help.


horn_of_plenty on 03/04/2022:
yes, you have to continue with your own personal care...keep doing what makes you satisfied and keep pushing!


Maria7 on 03/04/2022:
Pizza and salad go good together and it is to be our menu tomorrow. Take care. Hope your Dad is doing well.



happy-1 - Tuesday Mar 01, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

Tues Mar 1, 2022 3:06pm:

I can't win. I keep trying and trying and nothing ever works. I'm sleeping. I might even be able to start identifying what activity level interferes with my REM sleep. But I'm so run down, I feel like ****. Like I am encased in a prison of fat. And I'm making so many mistakes. I'm getting REM so I'm doing yoga... so I paused Nutrisense because I can't submerge the sensors in a bath, I'm in so much pain from doing yoga I want to die, can't take pain meds, even advil or cbd, because they interfere with sleep architecture... but they didn't pause the nutritionist service. $100 out the door and no service credit. Because they are jerks and it makes 100% sense when they talk to each other. I've been crying for an hour. So much work to get to this point and it's not that great.

Made other mistakes today too. Got dehydrated but didn't realize it. Lost most of my day and most of a good yoga class to it. Tried to run errands after I drank water, but left the paperwork at home. Ended up ordering Instacart again. More money gone. 
 

Try, try again until you just can't...

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/01/2022:
Inch by inch…

happy-1 on 03/01/2022:
After my good hard cry, I ordered Instacart, did yoga, put away groceries, showered and went to bed on time. Tomorrow is another day.


horn_of_plenty on 03/01/2022:
yeah, one thing at a time Happy! nothing ever works out exactly as we want it to...it can take some work...and then maybe it will work out time to time....

xoxo...drinking water helps me TONS.


Donkey on 03/01/2022:
I'm so sorry. That level of frustration sucks. I can only encourage you to hang in there.

happy-1 on 03/01/2022:
Thank you. Inch by inch.


horn_of_plenty on 03/02/2022:
a good cry helps release pent up emotions!


Donkey on 03/02/2022:
A good cry - and if I may go back to a previous entry of yours a couple of days ago - admitting to oneself one's status like "I'm stuck", can be very liberating. Something about just putting out there starts the healing.


legcramps on 03/02/2022:
I'm sorry, it's frustrating. I know you feel like you've made mistakes, but listen. Inch by inch happy.



happy-1 - Monday Feb 28, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 240.3

Mon 2/28/21 2:45pm

Got up on time at 5:30 and was light on REM but enough to push today, did yoga, ate healthy, sorted papers. Ran out of "mental focus" at 12:50 and took a 1:40 lunch break, with neck release. Hosting a coworking lab so that I can power back up and tackle as muvh as I can. Having sorted out all my papers, I don't want to put them away again without finishing critical stuff. I need this space for yoga in the morning.

Except my brain... despite food, stimulants, and coffee... doesn't want to switch on. 
 

So... dumping out the fog and scatter here so I can just reboot and get on some very simple things. Pay a couple of bills. Check some statements. No biggie. 

I can do this.

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/28/2022:
Inch by inch…

happy-1 on 02/28/2022:
3 things. Magically, saying out loud I’m stuck gets me unstuck. Taking a break before I hit the next stack.



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