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happy-1 - Saturday Sep 07, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

Still not texting ex back. It feels really mean... I'm searching the Internet for wisdom. Apparently going "no contact" is a strategy for getting your ex back... except why would anyone want someone back that they feel like they have to go "no contact" on? Can you imagine trying to go through a zombie apocalypse with them? I'd throw myself to a zombie on purpose. One site said to send a text to your ex that you plan to be out of contact for 60 days to heal and work on yourself. Feels less mean but kind of a pile on since I called 2x and sent a text that he was being confusing and just got the same text back over and over. I think that's enough for now. It's not like I didn't see red flags or try to address them... just couldn't make it happen.

Ok... got in bereavement counselor's companion time assignment with dad watching him handicap 3 horse races. I still don't understand why he likes it or how he does it... but he does. That was my major achievement for today.

No workout because cat woke me up at 3:30AM for food and I haven't slept well the past few days. Could barely move on the machine yesterday.

Errands. Dinner for dad. Early bedtime.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/08/2019:
Mean or not, if it's over, it's over. Oh I remember how painful the end of a relationship is. Your evaluation of "just couldn't make it work" is sometimes just how it goes.

PS I like how you use the zombie apocalypse as an evaluation tool for a relationship. As funny as that may seem, there is a lot of truth to that.

happy-1 on 09/08/2019:
It’s the weirdest thing to think someone is absolutely fantastic and absolutely hate spending time with them, but still miss them terribly.

I also use the example of going on a cross country road trip... At least this one isn’t as bad... the last guy I dated I would have jumped out of a moving car to avoid talking to him.

It would be nice to say goodbye like adults instead of hiding from phone calls / avoiding texts. He was pretty great.


BearCountryGG on 09/08/2019:
WEll Happy...people either click or they don't...if he isn't the one it's better to find out sooner than later. I know you have a lot of time invested but why waste anymore time on him when he doesn't meet your needs. Is actual talking on the phone out of the question? Texting can be so impersonal and takes basically no investment in the relationship.

happy-1 on 09/08/2019:
It’s not about time invested... I’m just sad because he’s a pretty great person and the dynamic between us sucks. Ultimately the issue is that he was one of the cool kids growing up and got burned out on having fun and adventuring and doesn’t want to go to the beach, a pool, hiking, a park, a walk, a farmer’s market or anything. He just wants to sit on a couch and eat junk food. I was a dork + working at 14 + early in college and missed my fun window growing up so there’s still tons I want to do and see. Plus I have health conditions that mean no pizza or junk food. And I can’t sit still long enough to sit on a couch and watch TV... I do chores, crafts, cook withtv on in the background and replay the same tv show 10x. We just irritate the **** out of each other.


Horn_of_plenty on 09/08/2019:
an early bedtime always gets me moving faster the next day :)



happy-1 - Friday Sep 06, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

Aaack. 

Woke up dreading my phone and stayed in bed extra to avoid it. He had texted me a little after midnight "hugs". I was full crying, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and generally miserable and my pets were being very understanding and appreciative of all the treats I gave them. My dog had never liked him anyway. My cat had only met him once but really didn't understand the appeal. I replied "Confused and hurt hugs. I don't understand why you keep texting me if you don't want to talk to me or see me." It was empty, which made me sad. I got dressed for the gym, but was kind of in a daze after not enough sleep. I was just moping around so I did chores... washed dishes, made dad breakfast, cut melon, packed lunches, washed the floor, changed the cat box, cleaned up the yard. 7ish I got "Hugs" again... That's it. Crazy making. The same text randomly multiple times a day and nothing else. It feels like anything but a hug... More like a gut punch... Just rejection + hope + being dangled on a hook by the guy who didn't ghost, but didn't exactly dump me... but still dumped me. This is the path to bunny boiling. I deleted his text and unhooked myself.

Had a nice morning with my dad though. It was a nice change. We decided that on outing days I should me home by 9AM to get out and ready to roll by 10am. So really I need to be home by 8am... because he's like that.

I had to get out of my moping/crying/binge eating so I grabbed all my paperwork off my desk, shoved it in a bag and took it to the snack bar at the gym. It closes at 2:30, so I'll work till then, and go do cardio after.

Maybe a movie tonight.

----

Update: Digital trail deleted. RIP happy little memories of moments of joy while mom was sick but I still had her... For just a little while I had everything.

---

Update: Made a project plan today (gaant chart) that shows everything I need to do and the timeline... And OH MY HEAVENS!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER GET A DAY OFF AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/06/2019:
Scheduled your self waaaay into the future eh? LOL.......Nice to hear that you had a nice morning with your dad though.

happy-1 on 09/07/2019:
I budgeted 1 task per day and ended up with 3 years of work


Donkey on 09/07/2019:
You did so well today - I'm very inspired by you!

happy-1 on 09/07/2019:
TY! I'm inspired by you!!!


Horn_of_plenty on 09/08/2019:
remember that bc a relationship ends, it's not you. there's the other person and their reasons also. take it as fate - as someone else mentioned in the comments below. believe it or not, the one guy that i really "loved" but he wasn't feeling it with me, i still in my mind have a lust for here and there...i still would want him and want to talk with him and hug him if i saw him right now. and still, the only reason i don't reach out is that i think how he was not interested to chat on phone or text back...he isn't available...i always remind myself how he's not available to me...and it works.

next, i was talking to a coworker about plans/planning since you mentioned it. and she said any plan needs a start/end time or it's not a plan. or like start/end date. she said i've not fully planned out my own court officer goal and that i need MUCH more further plans. so, if you have a timeline with even start and end times, well that sounds very detailed as a plan!



happy-1 - Thursday Sep 05, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

Today, my greatest achievement was getting the electricity fixed. Now dad can run his AC and oxygen at the same time without a brown out. I can be out during 12-6 without worrying about him expiring from the heat or falling trying to flip the main circuit breaker all the way on the other side of a fence you have go around the house to get to (we can't put a door in it... code violation).

There was more here... But I deleted it. 

I'm just really sad. Called boyfriend yesterday. Called him today. No call back yesterday. No pickup or callback tonight. Just the daily empty texts "Hugs".

Message gotten. I'm single. Ouch.

Tomorrow, I just stop replying. One month from now, I'll see how I feel about deleting his digital trail from my laptop. I want, but don't need, to send a text saying it was nice knowing him and goodbye. Just let it lie.

Assuming he even texts me tomorrow. Why did I spend time with him at all after my mom got her diagnosis?

Give it up to God. The right future is out there.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/06/2019:
it is really hard to break away from a relationship and get over a breakup. i think it'd be smart to delete everything about him / contacts. i had to do it once. it hurt...but the only way i got thru was to remind myself that he couldn't give me what i was looking for.

happy-1 on 09/06/2019:
Or worse... Can, did, but now won't.


Donkey on 09/06/2019:
^^100% spot on insight and advice.

happy-1 on 09/06/2019:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh.


legcramps on 09/06/2019:
HoP is right, and that is also what I had to do - twice. So, delete the trail, and leave it up to fate. You will get to where you need to go, and in the end you'll be grateful you didn't let it go on and on without reason.

If someone you feel you are close to can't even talk to you on the phone, or all they send are simple little texts that don't mean anything - they are not invested in the relationship. I'm sorry. You deserve better. You ALWAYS deserve better. Remember that!

happy-1 on 09/06/2019:
Augh. I just did it. Deleted all the texts and pics and happy little memories from all my devices. I feel like I ripped off my ear.

happy-1 on 09/06/2019:
And I know I will be grateful in the future, but right now it's extra hard because I lost my mom and am losing my dad.


grannyannie on 09/06/2019:
So sorry! I know how hard it is when a relationship ends.

happy-1 on 09/06/2019:
TY.



happy-1 - Wednesday Sep 04, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

Body battery: 21

Blah!

Ran my body battery down from 14 to to 5 last night and overslept (7:20am). This means I woke up to The Circus... What used to be my mom and dad in full swing has suddenly turned into a yowling cat and my dad. The cat is just hungry. My dad is both hungry and a ball of massive anxiety from being up alone all night thinking horrible things. Without my mom there, there's nobody to say soothing, positive things to him in the middle of the night or agree that everything is terrible and then say she'll fix it. So he is in full spin by 7AM.

I still weighed in and tried to get out and to the gym... Lost time searching for gym clothes only to realize I couldn't find them because... I had done such a good job of setting myself up the night before. Everything was lined up and ready to go. Doh! By 8am, there was so much traffic, I wasn't going to make it there and back for the bereavement counselor at 10 am (she rescheduled for the 3rd time)... So I went to Trader Joes to restock healthy, easy to grab food. I thought I had a week's worth on Sunday, but I'm already completely out. I have no idea how.

I wasn't really awake yet, had my coffee while I was there, and just shuffled around Trader Joe's in a haze of exhaustion and overwhelm. It was like visiting a foreign land where people are nice to each other, doing nice things for their families, taking good care of themselves and eating delicious things. I just wandered around and around for an hour. When I got home, I looked in the mirror and realized why the staff was eyeballing me funny... I looked like I'd been hit by a truck. My clothes were fine but I've got a muffin top / tire of fat around my middle that I don't remember being there. It's not my pants squishing me... It's upper abdominal fat and it made my top look strange. My hair color is good and not brassy but without a tan (because I haven't seen sun in forever) is too dark for my skin tone. My haircut from the weekend is a huge improvement but I need bobby pins or gel if I put it in a bun for a workout... all the little layers had escaped and were standing straight up from my head like I'd been electrocuted in an old Warner Brother's cartoon. I've got huge bags under my eyes. I had forgotten to floss. There was cat and dog fur all over my butt... I'd only run the roller down the front. I've got rashes on my hands and legs.

Now I am home again and pulling my head together by posting here, refocusing my day... It's on the calendar per OT instructions... It's what I need to do to get my head together, but I always feel bad about doing it... Like I should be getting something done instead.

Things I will do to make tomorrow more streamlined...

  • Move my "Get out of the house fast" setup into the second bathroom entirely since I go there first to weigh in
  • Setup my protein shake at night with instant coffee and skip making coffee in the morning
  • Put my entire lunch bag in the mini cooler instead of the kitchen fridge
  • Update my before bed checklist to include new setup

Battles can be lost and a war can still be won.

Going to ask the bereavement counselor to help us reboot. I got way off track while sick and recovering from dental surgery.

Grrrrrrr. Get after it.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/05/2019:
you may not have gotten to the gym, but the whole day wasn't a wash :) teeth / mouth issues are so uncomfortable!

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
Hugs. Glad to reboot tomorrow...


legcramps on 09/05/2019:
I think you manage pretty well to get through these rougher days...I applaud your resolve to continue to be better and work harder every day.

I can commiserate those sucky days where things can't ever go right. I had a day like that last week. I was on the phone with my phone provider because the internet had somehow been disabled on my phone. While I was talking to the tech, she started telling me how to fix it, and I thought I would be so smart to follow along on my phone while she was talking, and I inadvertently hung up on her when she told me to turn Airplane Mode on. We had a good laugh about it when she phoned me back five minutes later, but in the moment I thought some pretty negative thoughts about myself. It's hard to change our culture of being hard on ourselves in the moment, but I think it's important to at least realize it, and forgive yourself for not being your best that day.

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
Hugs. And give yourself a hug and get back on track. The hug feels good.

Also, I think I post here to give myself a pep talk... Like a hug!



happy-1 - Tuesday Sep 03, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

AM body battery: 14

Stuck to my plan today, no matter what... Hot hot heat... Exhaustion, weepiness... Dad tantrums and him slamming my hand in the door when I tried to hand him the phone (on accident) then freaking out that he slammed my hand in the door (part of aging... he doesn't just laugh it off and it was mid-tantrum so he was already mad)... I just took a break, set a timer on Alexa, breathed "So Hum" till my heart rate went down to 89, pictured the waves on a beach coming in and out with my breath... (guess that yoga class on saturday really stuck with me). And then kept going. 

  • Up on time to Alexa wakeup routine
  • Weighed in on the new scale
  • Packed breakfast from the cooler in my bedroom into the new lunch bag
  • Went to the gym for more cardio on the stairmaster. Got all 45 min in
  • Showered at the gym
  • Home on time for bereavement counselor and to flip the switch for dad for brown outs
  • Sorted out the calendar while waiting for counselor
  • Reclaimed the dining room table from lack of use while I was recovering from dental surgery
  • Made dinner/dessert
  • Ate with dad,
  • Cleaned up the kitchen
  • Took sleep meds on time
  • Went to bed at 8pm no matter what
  • Doing my wind down routine to go to sleep

And no bingeing... Because my cooler was packed with cold water raw broccoli and if I wasn't hungry enough to eat the broccoli, I didn't need anything else.

Tomorrow... Same thing.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/04/2019:
You did good with planning despite the obstacles. great job.

especially kudos to you on not bingeing even when stressed.

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
Thank you... I just re-read this post and it gave me confidence on moving forward, and the kudos really help me know I am on the right track... Esp from you!


Donkey on 09/04/2019:
First, you did REALLY well. Just like Horn said, in spite of obstacles, you kept on persevering and getting a lot done.

Second, great visual for the breathing with waves on a beach. I'm going to have to try that.

Third, 100% with the broccoli. This is exactly the thought-process tool that I use to gauge hunger, especially late-night "hunger" -- If I don't want a hard boiled egg or carrot sticks, then I'm not really hungry.

EXCELLENT! (even if it didn't feel like it)

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
Unless I put hot sauce and brown mustard on them, then I can eat like 20 eggs. Yum.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/04/2019:
like donkey said, it's good you had something ready to eat and an alternative to junk food so you could assess real hunger. i use this tool at times too. healthy alternatives at the ready.

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
Hugs... Plan your work... Work your plan. Yay!


legcramps on 09/04/2019:
You did a great job today :) :)

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
If YOU say I did a great job today... I really, really did!



happy-1 - Monday Sep 02, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

Body battery is up to 29! Incremental progress. I also set up the scale yesterday. Everything synchs to Cronometer, which is pretty cool.

 

Still debating a $100 blood pressure monitor that would auto log to Cronometer. I have one already but my dad has claimed it as his. He doesn't even use it.

Have been up at 4:30 am fully awake and needing to pee, but able to get back to sleep. Up on time but unplugged Alexa when she was rattling off the prompts because she says them 2x as reminders and it is annoying. I then did not jump out of bed to start doing anything.  I think I need to add a routine that says "Hey, it's 5am. Start thinking about getting out of bed.", then starts playing news or something. The prompts will only be said once and that will be less likely to be unplugged. 

Have come up with an idea for smoothing things over with dad... A system of points that represent my available hours in a week and how much time I can spend on his stuff, possibly with:

  • "Happy hour pricing" where anything after my energy drop at 2pm is cheaper because that time is less effective for me anyway...
  • "Late night" pricing where anything after 8pm is 5x the points because I should be in bed.
  • 12 hour cancellation window... points are spent at the time of the request (a trip to the bank, etc.) and if he flakes he loses the points.
  • Anything on the way home from the bereavement group is "free" to encourage him to go
  • A trip to a grocery store might need to be like 500 points because he buys high sodium foods, binge eats, and then it takes weeks to bring him back to functional and my life is hell and I'm exhausted

I like the idea of time points better than money because it addresses the issue that he thinks my time is free and disposable and that he should just be able to flake on me and expect me to drop my plans the next day and take him then... and he flakes on me then.

What do you think?

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/02/2019:
Could you somehow ask to borrow his blood pressure monitor apparatus?

I hope that you post pictures of your weight read-out (up or down, doesn't matter) so that we can see what it does. Again, so cool!

Would the point system be for you or for him? I can see how it could be a useful tool. However, for myself, I'd want something more minimal, like 10 points a day, or 24 points a day (24 hours in a day) or something like that. That might not work for your situation, though.

happy-1 on 09/02/2019:
It’s hard to take anything he “uses” back because he had low vision so a tool like a blood pressure cuff is some kind of security blanket... it’s the best way to explain it. Plus I get up at 5ish and need to take a resting blood pressure measurement. So I’d have to wake him up to use it, go lay down for half an hour and then measure... So a second cuff. I was going to get one that had big numbers and was better for low vision but he said no.

I’m super glad to hear you don’t think a point sytem is mean!!! I can definitely make it simpler.

happy-1 on 09/02/2019:
I will definitely post pics of my weight loss as I go. Will take new “before” pics too, lol.

Hugs


Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/03/2019:
great idea on the points! also, could you buy a used monitor?

happy-1 on 09/03/2019:
Ergh... used biometric electronics? All you have to do is drop them or keep them in a humid bathroom and they give wrong readings...

Good idea though!



happy-1 - Sunday Sep 01, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

 Houston! We have liftoff!

Body battery is up to 27! I feel a little human again.

  • Pic 1 is from when my body battery was at 5
  • Pic 2 is yesterday, with yoga and breathing exercises... 

 

Didn't get to yoga today, but I did pick up the scale and prep some food for the week. So incrementally forward.

Watching "Fatal Instinct" with my dad. What's funnier than the movie is how funny he finds the movie.

Tomorrow, a break from the bereavement group for the holiday. Plan is to do some cardio and shower at the gym, find a Starbucks, and just enjoy being out of the house till it is time to come home and make sure the electric stays on while dad runs the AC. The main circuit keeps getting overloaded and we are having a lot of brownouts.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/01/2019:
That is really cool, although I don't think yesterday's picture came through correctly. Wow, how telling to have a visual representation of where you're at. Again, SO COOL.

happy-1 on 09/01/2019:
Right??? I fixed the pic. Is it weird that suddenly how awful everything seems suddenly seems manageable?


BearCountryGG on 09/01/2019:
This looks promising!! Kind of a bio feedback thing.

happy-1 on 09/01/2019:
90 day return policy if it turns out to be junk science.


Horn_of_plenty on 09/01/2019:
thanks for sharing the body battery with us - nice to see the tips it provides. i guess make sure to listen to it, Happy <3 Keep up the wonderful work!

happy-1 on 09/01/2019:
Hugs! TY. The tips are great!



happy-1 - Saturday Aug 31, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

Body battery was up to 14/100 this morning, but I didn’t feel different. Then I got my moodshifting custom kitty wakeup this morning and found that I did in fact feel better.

There was a slight improvement in my exhaustion level. Went to yoga and got my haircut. 3pm and battery level has only dropped to 10... instead of the 5... I think lower than 5 means you are dead. 10 does feel slightly better than 5.

It was a fight to go to bed at 8-9 last night but worth it. I feel like a jerk for saying no to watching a movie on tv with dad... but I was crawling from chore to chore. 10 means when I came home to take him to the grocery store and it wasn’t going to work out, I went and got food and reset instead of crawling to bed because am chores and attempting to do anything wore me out and drama was the last straw.

Cooler arrived today.

One foot in front of the other.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/31/2019:
Sounds like progress to me - GOOD!

happy-1 on 09/01/2019:
It was definitely progress. Obstacles are climbed even if it is an inch at a time.


Horn_of_plenty on 09/01/2019:
my friend told me there are ways to ride your bike indoors - something to think about!

it's good you are trying to reset...chores can def make a person tired lol...meaning, i get it and that's what they do to me LOL.

it's ok to sleep and not watch a movie. i tend to always sleep instead...but today was more productive thank gosh!

happy-1 on 09/01/2019:
Yeah, that's what I've been telling you... Get an indoor stand... Tiny amount of space, big cardio impact. Do it in the hall of your building by the elevators where you work out. Just make sure you buy a really quiet one... Or your neighbors will hate you.

https://www.bicycling.com/bikes-gear/a20050631/how-to-choose-an-indoor-bike-trainer/

I feel like chores aren't very meaningful or difficult work, so they shouldn't make me tired but man... Throw in hot hot heat and it's a wipe out.

I watched part of the movie tonight before I cleaned the kitchen and fed the pets. We'll watch more tomorrow.



happy-1 - Friday Aug 30, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

Accomplishments yesterday were going to the gym and doing 45 minutes of cardio, going to bed on time, and eating mostly healthy.

BF texted me a photo of ripped jeans... I kind of felt like his mum? I said don't worry nobody probably noticed, Dickies suck, buy Lucky Brand next time, try to get an inseam 1-2" longer than you usually wear, then deleted his texts again. He said he was fine with what he wears. I said as you should be and deleted it again. No texts good morning which is how I know he took offense to the comment. Yes it was a personal comment... But... Sigh. I can't ever do anything right. Super glad I deleted his number out of my phone so I can't easily send a good morning text and start working to get him talking to me again...

I spent my Catalina money on removing impediments to fitness. Empty consolation prize... but hey, worth a shot... Maybe I'll find a new hobby and keep myself distracted.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/30/2019:
It is hard to get a homebody to go out....If he is a homebody than that most likely means lots of movies on TV......

happy-1 on 08/30/2019:
YES! He has an insane number of movies downloaded and on DVD, and streaming services... But there's never anything he wants to watch...


Maria7 on 08/30/2019:
Good accomplishments yesterday.

happy-1 on 08/31/2019:
All things thru C


Horn_of_plenty on 08/31/2019:
i like the sound of the body battery. i kinda like the sound of it. it would be like a technological variable and also it would agree or dismiss my own somatic feelings of how i am feeling. it would be another tool to assess how i am doing. i like it. but it also scares me bc if i feel bad, it would make me feel worse to see it on the battery..i feel it would upset me.

good purchases on your Catalina money if you do intend to use them. i am thinking to purchase an indoor bike and/or elliptical. i think i need to do more at home...with less opportunities to skip.

happy-1 on 08/31/2019:
If I had the space I’d put my road bike on a trainer and ride it in my bedroom while I watch TV. Someday.


Donkey on 08/31/2019:
I think you did just fine. That's too bad about Catalina, but perhaps your redirection of funds and energy will be for the better...?

happy-1 on 09/01/2019:
Yeah, if the guy is going, no sense in chasing. Better to work towards a healthy and positive future.



happy-1 - Thursday Aug 29, 2019
(Make only healthy choices tlll 9/15)
Weight: 216.3

No weigh in this morning. No yoga.

What I did instead of yoga  

Last night was really hard... Dad had a full scale meltdown on me from 5 to 8pm when I just gave up and went to bed. He probably was up all night... he was still in monster mode when I woke up this morning so I just went back to bed and watched Netflix... Numb and dumb till 11 and I just had to get out to get my brain jumpstarted...  went to the post office and lunch. Body battery reading is interesting... It shows that the extra sleep really helped... Then the high stress on wakeup immediately dropped it, but as soon as I left the house my stress level also dropped.

What I will do to move forward 

OT has me working on sleep and timing this week. I need to set reminders on Alexa.

He has a phone call with the nutritionist today. First one... I mailed in his handicapped transport application... I need to make him a couple of appts. If I go home now and tackle it, maybe I can walk the cog before dinner tonight.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/29/2019:
how long have you had the body battery and what do you think so far?

will you be mostly the caretaker for your dad going forward? that's def a lot of responsibility to make appts and attend to him. good that you are responsible for him. i hope you feels better soon too.

enjoy your cog walk! i'm starting to think that even though i don't have any pets, that i may start to get up and walk once my alarm goes off in the morning...or do steps or something! maybe i should get a bike like donkey.

happy-1 on 08/30/2019:
I've been on the body battery since Monday the 26th. I think it is a shockingly realistic representation of how I feel and how my environment and choices are affecting me. Even though it's bouncing between 5-8%, yeah... that's how I feel. Like everything is too hard and I'm completely exhausted... and getting it up to 8% from 5% feels like a huge achievement. I can't wait to pick up the scale on Sunday.

I'm trying to figure out care for my dad going forward. I really can't think through that choice yet. I'm just completely exhausted.

Get a trainer for your current bike... Save space in your tiny NY apt.



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