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happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 26, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 255.0

Tues 4-36-22 6:30 am

I think the granola yesterday spiked my sugar and messed up my sleep. Low REM but a 72 body battery today. Struggle day. Such a downturn after feeling great yesterday.

Name of the game today is to avoid hopelessness and despair. Stay out of foods that will drive my sugar up. Still get PT in. Already went for my 15 min walk this morning. There's not a lot of room for activity today... Saturday's chores are still in my 7 day cumulative load... so in order not to pop above the green zone and cause a multi-day crash... No PT today?


 

Lord grant me serenity and calmness to not eat foods I shouldn't eat, keep moving even though I am tired, and be kind to my dad even though I am upset.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only 95 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/26/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 04/26/2022:
7am on reddit… occurred to me that if I recorded yesterday’s coworking session and putting away groceries as activities, I might have seen that I pushed myself above the green zone and caused a “crash”.


Jacky82020 on 04/26/2022:
You can do it! One foot in front of the other. Or inch by inch.


bearcountrygg on 04/26/2022:
When I get in a slump...I just have to force myself to get up and do something....and I'm usually glad I did. I find that the more I sit around the more I want to sit around and then I can't sleep because I didn't do anything to get tired from.......I hope you keep trying...and yup...try to be nice to dad.


Donkey on 04/27/2022:
I think a 72 body battery isn't all that bad. Well, I guess after having days in the 90-100 range, it must feel a bit draining. OK, I get it.

I hope you had a good day Tuesday (((hugs)))


horn_of_plenty on 04/27/2022:
although some carbs may spike you, if you have them in moderation i don't think they would as much...and they may help you to feel better....



happy-1 - Monday Apr 25, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 255.0

 Mon 4-25-22 6:30am

Well... sleeping with the power off may have been a success. I do have random good nights of sleep every once in a while... BUT... The room just felt calmer, like a cabin in a lake RV park. Not as calm as backpacking, but better. I listened to headspace on Netflix then passed out immediately after, right on the nose at 9pm and slept a solid 8h straight through till 5am. My sleep window on the nose, even though I forgot to take melatonin. Woke up feeling well-rested. Had weird dream about staging a high school musical with my drama teacher about Falstaff. I just stopped by to visit and she made me the director. When stats posted this morning, I had a solid 8 hours with the exact right distribution of REM and deep sleep. 
 

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only 95 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
Also, body battery charged 66 points while I slept to 84. I think that might be my fastest charge rate ever. Garmin gave me an “awesome” message. I can’t remember the last time I got one of those.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
Walked, shocked by how good I feel. Actually showered, DID MY HAIR AND MAKEUP, PUT ON REAL CLOTHES... An old Lucky Brand top and some denim shorts. I even put my stud earrings back in!!! OMG!!!

I tidied my room, got setup to host coworking...

9AM Hosted coworking, worked on my planner pages.

Went strong all the way through to 11 AM. Plenty of energy, just hungry. I only ate half my breakfast. !2 lunch. Chicken squash veg cheese

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
12pm. Finished lunch. Can’t keep going. Battery down to 51. I did good this morning. I deserve a break. Guilt free hour of rest. Turning off the breaker to see if that makes my battery go ip while resting.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
12:45pm too hungry. Ate a bunch of keto granola and almond milk. Next time I order 2 bags.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
1pm. Laid down for 10 more minutes. Mama Cat said “stay put” and I’m too tired to resist.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
2pm ir meds, cheese, deli turkey the cat won’t eat. If she won’t eat it I shouldn’t either but it’s already here and I’m too tired to return it.

2:50 pm apple. Rolling the dice on blood sugar. But I have zero energy and I’m still hungry. Dad wants to go to the store. I don’t want to waste my energy.

I felt so great this morning… Now I’m exhausted again. I don’t understand. I didn’t even do PT yet.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
At some point… several string cheeses and some keto crackers.

Ordered Instacart again. Everytime I do that it makes me feel like a failure. All that money.

I dumped out paperwork this morning and didn’t get it sorted. Now there’s no space to do PT. Might as well put it all away.

Clear the space. Reset. Try again tomorrow.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
Lord, thank you for my dad, space to heal and recover, and for perseverance to not give up when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Please help me sleep well and wake up strong again so that I can do PT and also start working on all the weird charges on my cards. I need to manage my resources and care for my dad. Amen.


Jacky82020 on 04/25/2022:
Awesome!


bearcountrygg on 04/25/2022:
Whatever works for you.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
I just keep trying.


Maria7 on 04/25/2022:
Glad you are doing better.

happy-1 on 04/26/2022:
Hugs


horn_of_plenty on 04/25/2022:
i'm sure it's even quieter with the power off!

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
Theres something about it that just feels different in my ears. I can’t explain it.



happy-1 - Sunday Apr 24, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 255.0

 

Sun 4-24-22 6pm

EMF meter came

Measurement Normal Cell phone in another room Breaker off
Standard MAG max1 1.5  1.4  1.1
Standard ELEC max 10 28  37????  0
RF max 1 0.06-0.214 0.093  0.006

They all jump around if I shift.

So new experiment, in addition to no microwave, I will turn off the circuit breaker to my bedroom. Just use an extension cord for my alarm clock and cpap until I can figure out what to do about the location of my bed.

And move my phone to another room.

OMG. What will I do without my phone and tv to fall asleep?

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only 95 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Ran an extension cord into my bedroom for my alarm clock, lamp, and fan. Ordered a cheap faraday pouch for my phone… no matter how expensive the phone ones are, they do not last. Better to buy cheap and replace. Moved microwave out to kitchen. Will replace dad’s tomorrow and toss his.

Unless I buy a tent (and struggle with the cat) there’s nothing I can do about the 3 5g networks and 9 wifi networks… ah well. Let’s see where my body battery is this week. In theory I should charge in the 80s or 90s consistently.

8:00 PM flipped off the circuit breaker. May be psycho somatic but bedroom does feel calmer.

Hopefully no tinfoil hats in my future.


Donkey on 04/25/2022:
I think it's a good idea to see how your immediate efforts payoff for a week (or maybe 2), before trying the tent.

happy-1 on 04/25/2022:
Yup!



happy-1 - Sunday Apr 24, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 255.0

For Donkey.... My instant pot hack. Needs a cover for the dish so the food doean't get soggy, but the foil is in the kitchen.

 

Sun 4-24-22 5:28am:

Pebble by pebble. 

Woke up at 3:45am. This is a little unfair because I fell asleep at 9:45. That's only 6 hours of sleep. Waiting for 6:30 am to see what my sleep quality is. With the chocolate bar and working past quitting time, I'll bet it's not good.

Oh well. 

Today I tackle cleaning up the front steps, living room, vacuuming, and my dad's bedroom. I'd rather deep clean the fridge, but that isn't on the direct path to nurse-ready. I used Garmin to record my chores yesterday, and was surprised at how many EPOC points it was worth. 


 

How does that even work????

----

I should make up any food that needs to be made up. Keto zuchhini bread is definitely on that list. The thing is that we are out of a bunch of ingredients... and I need to do groceries, but I also need to deep clean the fridge before the next grocery run. Not like major ingredients... a jar of salsa, monkfruit sweetener for tea in the morning... stuff I haven't felt like buying on instacart because I've only been buying essentials to avoid markup. Friday was the first day in months I felt up to going to the store. The Dollar Tree foods are poison so I didn't food shop there. I just bought some Comet.

Actually, now that I think about it, I could just throw tomatoes and peppers and an onion in the toaster and make some salsa. It would be lower sodium. Yes. Now I remember why I don't buy salsa in bulk.

---

How did I just write all of that and forget that I need to do PT as my first priority today?

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only 95 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
7am. Resting after walk. Garmin says I am light on rem… 1:06, but I bet that drops to 0:45 as it recalculates. 66 body battery though so I can do chores today.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
8:15 I’m out of “go”. Way too tired to do much moving around. I don’t think that it was worth a chocolate bar, defrosting the ice maker, meal prepping 4 dinners /shredding zucchini, and some laundry to lose an entire day.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Aaaargh. Just aaargh. I’m tired of lying around watching tv.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
I want to be able to eat a giant thing of Mexican food like I used to. Instead I’m considering ordering delivery from a store near me and making Cowboy Soup, but maybe not even that because I’m so tired.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
9:50am at least my cat is happy I’m having a crash day. She’s curled up purring away like a fish tank.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Bought pajama pants.

10:55 cat is still on me. She twitches her tail to indicate displeasure when I move.

How long can a cat sit on a human? Is an hour a lot?

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Had to get up at the hour mark. Just couldn’t stay still anymore. Her majesty was displeased.

Steamed lunch, meal prep I set up yesterday. Chicken alfredo w veg.

Called one of my mom’s friends just to say hi.

Ate.

12:20 resting in a chair

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Called an old friend of friend just to say hi. Touch base.

2 bites of dad’s keto ice cream.

1pm. Still haven’t done anything solid with my day. I need to do stuff to build up sleep drive. Probably a walk later. Brain just not coming together.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Bag of keto cookies.

1:16 lying down. Set a timer for one hour.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Made dad salmon and zucchini for dinner. I suck a little less as his caregiver.

Started laundry.

3:30 lying down again


horn_of_plenty on 04/24/2022:
yes! that is what i thought too about fish...it takes minutes to broil up...yes, no slow cooker fish :)

i have a coworker that likes to get 6hours sleep. some people don't need as many as 7/8 hours. for me, i do prefer long sleeps. but many people claim they don't like them!

keto zucchini bread sounds AMAZING! :)

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Nooo. I need 8h…


Donkey on 04/24/2022:
I cannot find where I read in your diary about the exposures that you have in your room, house, and living area to EMF. Perhaps it was Friday's entry. I agree with you that getting an EMF meter might be the better first step before getting a sleep tent.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Supposed to come today! We will see!


Donkey on 04/24/2022:
I think I do best with around 7 hours of sleep, although I get better scores, sometimes, when I get closer to 8. Only 6 hours is kind of rough... Hang in there, today!

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Hugs. Ty. Tried going back to sleep but it was a no go.


Donkey on 04/24/2022:
Ah, I see.. thank you for sharing the picture of the InstaPot. Well, if you ever do feel the need or desire to replace the InstaPot, then I would recommend a Foodie. Having said this, though, I would NOT buy a Foodie if you are happy with an InstaPot, and presuming it works.

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
I’ve got a broiler lid for the instant pot. I still don’t understand what the difference is between them


jacky82020 on 04/24/2022:
I hate my Instapot! Only used it a few times. Also used this pricey fermenter that made black garlic among other things just a few times. Got over black garlic thing fast. as for the Instapot, time is not of the essence for me. Use the crockpots.



happy-1 - Saturday Apr 23, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 255.0

Sat 4-23-22 5:40 am

Cracked a mason jar this morning by steaming it in the Instant Pot. UGH. Maybe I don't need another flat of glass jars and two more packs of divided glass containers. Maybe I need stainless steel ones. Ugh.

Have also been debating buying 5 pairs of joggers and sports bras so I can just get up and go for a walk without changing out of my pajamas. I have been slacking on walking first thing because I hate changing out of my pajamas before I am fully started for the day and I don't wear outside or chore clothes in bed, even if they aren't dirty... I have 3 pairs of pajama pants but I feel self conscious walking around outside in them. They are striped and tight right now. Also 2 aren't cotton.

Sleep schedule improved... 9:45pm to 4:15am... Waiting for 6:30 am to see how my sleep quality was. Probably not good. I feel like crap. Body Battery only charged to 53. Feels like it. Probably the 25 hours of recovery I banked with that walk to the store yesterday. At least it built up enough sleep drive to sleep relatively on time today. It felt good to be out and not looking at the numbers, but it's a price to pay. Still it was better than sitting around brooding about the text from Bobcat Boyfriend... I said I was trying no microwave for 30 days, he said "How many weeks does this “experiment” have to go before I’m an option? I’m just waiting for a computer to tell you you can hang out with me again.“ Fair enough, but in the moment my feelings got really hurt.

Stats yesterday were disappointing. My "hug the bottom" strategy led to a decline in VO2 Max.

Found an article today that matches my experience with the Moderna last year. I'm still struggling. Feeling less nuts and angrier at my doctors.

https://www.healthrising.org/blog/2021/07/14/coronavirus-vaccine-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-better-way/

Hit me on my walk yesterday... Overall, I am doing better... 

  • I can actually come up with what I would do if I won the lotto
  • I'm cooking more and getting on top of meal prep
  • I've been doing dishes everyday
  • Sleep is starting to return and the no caffeine / no stimulant meds is lowering sugar... not sure why
  • I start hosting coworking on Mondays
  • I am finding people on Reddit who are experiencing similar issues

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only 95 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Drank a chai latte. Walked 15 min, came back, put on a cleaning video. Tidied bedroom.

7:30 - Ate keto hot breakfast. Got up and tided again.

8:05 took a break

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Home health services are resuming. Tidying for the nurse. Can’t clean bathroom till dad showers. It’s the critical clean but might wait till tomorrow

Washed dishes. Cleaned counters, took out trash.

9:30 resting. Battery down to 42.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Tidied entryway. Cleaned rug spots

10:50 Break. Tofu scramble

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Tidied entryway. Cleaned rug spots.

10:50 Break. Tofu scramble

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Tidied the big drink corner of the kitchen and put away pantry goods in the rolling cart that have been sitting there a couple of months.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Also ate 2 string cheeses

12:21 steaming lunch (paf meal extra veg no rice) and taking a break

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Finished a load of laundry. Put on another.

Ate salted almonds. Super munchy and there are no goodies or cheat meals in the house. I’d like a Boatload of chinese food. Just the whole takeout menu.

1:24 taking a break.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
1:50 6 squares of regular chocolate. I know better

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Ate the rest of the chocolate bar. Didn’t even catch myself doing it. It was Bobcat’s… he left it in my cooler. Too long since I’ve had real sugar. Just downed it. Dumb. Taking a glipizide.

Trying to get it together to clean the bathroom. I hate it. A senior’s bathroom is gross.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Cleaned the toilet. Dad needed the bathroom. Letting stuff sit and 2:55 taking a break

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
3:25 checked Garmin and body battery is down to 23. Done for the day and I barely moved. I recored activity while doing chores and my 7 day load is suddenly high.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Showered also.

3:55 took a break

I know better, I need to quit, but I am restless. I still have cognitive energy, even if I am getting tired. Glad I said I would see Bobcat next week. I am going to need that long to get myself in order.

Started my laundry. Defrosted the ice machine in the freezer. Told dad I’m not cooking tonight.

4:45 taking another break

Ugh just ugh.

I still need to vacuum and do dad’s bedroom tomorrow. Tidy the living room… Clean up out front… that gets me to “home health ready”…

What they don’t see is what I need to do to be comfortable… deep clean the fridge and make up anything in there I can. Scrub the shower and replace the caulk. Clean and plant the patio. These can wait for the rest of the week.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Put on another load of laundry. I do know better.

5:15 resting. I should be eating dinner, but too mentally tired to put that together.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Got up. Meal prepped chicken, mushrooms, butternut squash. I don’t have the energy to finish meal prepping it. Or eat it. I want junk food. Took a break 6:10… need to find dinner

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
6:45 ate. Diy pepperoni and banana pepper pizza. Seltzer


bearcountrygg on 04/23/2022:
If exercise clothes worn to bed allow you to get up and go in the morning...then I would invest in those and not look back.

A tiny bit of grandmotherly advise..( I know it was not asked for but...)..Boyfriends are boyfriends because they want to spend time with you......I think his message is he wants to be with you......and have a good time in your presence.....I think he would like to feel like you are putting him first some of the time. I think that is true for most relationships.......when that closeness leaves...the relationship likely won't last.....

happy-1 on 04/24/2022:
Yeah. I booked a date with him for next week instead of staying mad. TY for the insight.


Donkey on 04/23/2022:
So with the EMF and microwave issue, would you be able to use an air fryer (Ninja, InstaPot)? My Husband loves his. He cooks about 90% of the time with that.

I too have been struggling a bit with getting out of my pajamas in the morning, to exercise. I haven't done it (yet), but if you can find comfortable, suitable clothes to sleep in that you can also exercise in, I'd go to bed with the workout clothes for the next day. I know that other people do this, too.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
The redditor said to think of microwaves and EMF as a toxin… reduce your levels then wait 3-6 months to feel better. In theory if I reduce EMF and microwave usage, I should see better sleep quality and body battery.

Also she said a tent would create discomfort and affect sleep. So better to start with an EMF meter. I found a used meter on Amazon that comes on Sunday. We have power lines behind us and I get 9 wifi signals where my bed is so there may not be much I can do.

I’m using an Instant pot with a steamer rack and a steamer lid. As convenient as a microwave, just takes a few more minutes. I’ll post photos tomorrow. I dunno about the airfryers… I haven’t bought one because they are plastic and I don’t heat plastic.


bearcountrygg on 04/23/2022:
I believe the Garmin emits EMF's too.....likely low but .....We have a couple of Garmin dog tracking systems here and I know they do.


coffee&calories on 04/23/2022:
I have a garmin too. Is VO2 max the same as the pulse ox thing? It always says my avg is 89% !! I find that so weird. Shouldn’t it be close to 100?

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Yay a third member of the Garmin crew!!! What model do you have? Donkey has a Venu2 and I have a Forerunner 245. Vo2 max is a feature of some watches. It is calculaterd using pulse ox and hrv as a proxy for fitness age.

Pulse ox even when lying down shouldn’t be lower than 92%. Did you have COVID? If so, it may be the reason your weight is creeping up. I’d say call your doc, but they pay zero attention to fitness trackers. If you have a finger oximeter, double check it with that.

“A normal level of oxygen is usually 95% or higher. Some people with chronic lung disease or sleep apnea can have normal levels around 90%. The “SpO2” reading on a pulse oximeter shows the percentage of oxygen in someone’s blood.

If your home SpO2 reading is lower than 95%, call your health care provider.”

https://www.health.state.mn.us/diseases/coronavirus/pulseoximeter.html


horn_of_plenty on 04/23/2022:
in the construction industry, stainless steel is like the cream of the crop in terms of coating products as it really doesn't rust at all :) perhaps it is better than glass for your use too! :) it should also be good at many different temps.

if the new joggers & sports bras will help you get out; i would totally get them. the price to pay for convenience is usually worth it, especially in terms of getting exercise/health benefits out of things (IN MY OPINION!). i'm big on this strategy.

it's nice to hear you are cooking more and doing dishes more regularly. i have a HUGE desire to cook more, especially healthy meats - and to cook them in the slow cooker for ease of meal prep with veggies as soups. it's also pretty easy cleanup.

i plan to do this pretty regularly - the soups and cooking way more meat, that is. the meat would be a benefit to my diet, even fish may work out in the slow cooker, actually! though, i don't think i want that - i don't need a whole meal coming out with a fishy taste...

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
Fish in a slow cooker???? It only takes 10 min or so…


bearcountrygg on 04/23/2022:
Thank you for the reminder to use the BP arm cuff instead of the wrist one...the numbers did come down when compaired.

happy-1 on 04/23/2022:
:)


Donkey on 04/24/2022:
I thought that the InstaPot was an air fryer. I guess it's more like a pressure cooker, which the Foodie can do too (with a different lid). I apologize for my error. I would think that either or would be sufficient to pretty much replace a microwave.


Donkey on 04/24/2022:
Also, I agree with what Bear said about Bobcat. He's just saying that he'd like to spend time with you.



happy-1 - Friday Apr 22, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 255.0

Fri 4-22-22 12pm

So yesterday, shockingly, I met almost all minimum goals. 

  1. Charged to 99
  2. Walked 30 min
  3. Did minimum PT routine
  4. Got dad to doctor (1 thing for the day) 
  5. Made dad dinner
  6. Took it easy on myself
  7. Got quality sleep

I messed up when it came to eating. I didn't binge but I ate way too many calories too late at night and drove up my sugar. Consequently I am exhausted today.

Moving forward is key. Today is my first day of not using the microwave. According to Reddit, next step is blocking EMF fields while sleeping. That means a tent, I guess. I trifield emf reader is $169. A tent is a couple bucks more. I can't move my bed away from the wall with the outlet or do anything about the power lines and wifi... I'd just buy the meter, see I'm f'd, and not be able to do anything about it... so tent experiment it is. Not sure how it will hold up to a determined cat... 

Apparently EMF is the only part of sleep hygeine I haven't addressed.

https://www.earthrunners.com/blogs/rewilding/emf-radiation-protection-biohacking-your-bedroom-for-better-sleep

Bought ground instant tea. Apparently Nestea is high in flouride and bad for bone health. Ugh. Is there anything that won't make me sicker???

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00U31XAF8?psc=1&smid=AM8E6BPT7U4YE&ref_=chk_typ_quicklook_imgToDp

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only 95 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
Inch by inch…

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
1pm. Up to make tea. Trying to wash dishes. Need to sit back down again. I feel like a troll.

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
I need to get back on all my habits. I should probably print off a week of calendar templates and start time tracking again on Monday.

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
Washed dishes, ate a healthy, non-microwaved lunch of turkey mushroom Italian sauce and squash. Got a cranky text from Bobcat and built up a bunch of negative juju energy I needed to dispel. Decided to say “f it” and walk to the dollar store, which took about 1:15. It will probably screw up my sleep quality but it beats sitting around cranky and miserable. Forgot I’m not microwaving and nuked 2 hot dogs.

5:20 resting

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
Ate almonds, an orange, 5 breaded shrimp, cesar salad. Made dad dinner.

6:50 resting.

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
7:10, bag of mini keto cookies. Bell peppers. Seltzer.


Donkey on 04/23/2022:
Very interesting to read the EMF article. Hmm...



happy-1 - Thursday Apr 21, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 255.0

Thurs 4-21-22 3:30am

Ok, I give up. I fell asleep at 4/5ish yesterday, which I never do. I woke up at 9pm. Have been in bed since trying to rest even if I can't get back to sleep... which I couldn't. Might as well get up and eat because... what else do I do?

At least staying in bed charged my battery even if I didn't get more sleep. Deepok Chopra was right. 

Today is a dad doctor day. I am just going to have to hump it out.

45 min walk yesterday somehow decreased my fitness level???? I can't figure this out!!!!

If I had unlimited resources, I'd hire a 24x7 live in caregiver, a swat team of personal assistants to do all the paperwork and pack up the house, stick dad in a home, and put myself in a wellness/weight loss retreat for 6 months. Then I'd do a stint in Americorps for a couple of years. 

Maybe I'll buy some more $1 scratchers to motivate myself to do PT. Have a bunch to redeem for more tickets anyway.

 

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only 95 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
Lucked out and fell asleep again after I ate a big breakfast of diy chai latte, tofu scramble and flaxseed porridge (yum). I may survive the day. REM is light but Body Battery is up to 99! I don’t know how that worked out, but I am glad it did!!!!

9:30 up, diy chai latte

10am - Reading DD

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
11:45 nuking food (turkey meat sauce and squash) and resting after 30 minute walk.

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
Almost forgot… got a 120/70 blood pressure reading this AM.

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
Somehow managed to do half my pt routine on top of my 30 minute walk, shower, get dad to the doctor by 3, home by 4:45.

Ate two hot dogs and ketchup. Not as good as I remember.


bearcountrygg on 04/21/2022:
You had some sleep....I agree get up...and move around...laying in bed doesn't really solve anything. Good luck with the doctor today...1 thing will be checked off your list.....GO HAP!!!!

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
Thankfully I fell back asleep. I don’t have enough quality sleep to pull off a day with bad sleep quality yet. I need 2 weeks under my belt.


bearcountrygg on 04/21/2022:
Do what it takes that you are able to do...to motivate yourself HAP.......I know the caretaking part is hard...I also did that...and it was very difficult...and very easy to lose yourself in the process.......find something just for you...to motivate yourself...if scratch off tickets do that...then they are a good investment.......try to figure out a way to make it all work much of the time.......it is tough......I well remember how tough it was......and I allowed my own life to suffer during those years........I had to search for ways to keep some of my own life important as well.

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
If you say it’s a good move I will do it. An afternoon outing to the store after I do dishes sounds like a treat and I need one today.


bearcountrygg on 04/21/2022:
Then for you...if laying in bed helps...then you should do that....basically during my caretaker days.....I napped as an avoidance factor...I needed to do that to avoid the pressure.......I also had a determined parent (mom)......who in my case...refused to move in with us...so I had to move in with her.....( for my own sanity over those 7 years.....I did get apartments ( 2 times)...in order to keep my own sanity..(as a nearby escape)....and I drove 4 hours one way in order to spend some time with D for a couple of nights....and then back to my Parents house again.....When my Dad was alive I was flushing his catheter regularly several times a day..and making emergency room trips..so it was more difficult to have a get away time for myself......the longest was about 4 hours ...and that ended with a desperate phone call wanting me back there again.......it was just very difficult is all I can say.....I look back on those 7 years though...glad that I did it......They were able to stay in their own house which was what they wanted........so they were glad about that...but I'm not forgetting that My Mom DID put herself first...and me last in that decision once my Dad had passed and I was caring for her alone........


Donkey on 04/21/2022:
I don't have time to comment as I would like, but I wanted to say that I really like your lottery dream. I know it will be difficult to function without proper sleep, so I will be thinking of you today.

happy-1 on 04/22/2022:
I got more sleep and made it through. Hugs.



happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 20, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Wed 4-20-22 12:30pm

Light on REM, but that would correspond with higher overnight sugar. Headache is mostly gone, but blood pressure is still a litle high, 144/83. On meds. Weight loss will help, regular exercise will help... so after lunch I walk.

Trying to get back on track with diet. Tofu scramble is actually still pretty good the second day. I had it with keto hot breakfast. Very satisfying. Lunch is some turkey with squash and tomato sauce. Dinner is a chicken cesar salad. Hoping to cut my calories with real meals. My weight is up to 255.

Told dad I would do photos after dinner with him. Making him a burger.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/20/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/20/2022:
2pm resting. Did my 45 min walk in sunshine. Felt good.

happy-1 on 04/20/2022:
3pm snack - apple, almond butter, keto cookies

4pm - vitamins

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
5pm -9pm asleep. Then I woke up. Ugh will be hard to get back to sleep.

10:30pm - hungry. Need to eat something. Not enough calories today

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
Vitamins not enough. 11:30pm had miracle noodles with a broth packet. A low carb version of cup of noodles but a lot of sodium. 1 string cheese. Drinking water. Logging calories to see where I end up today.

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
250 calories over… sigh.


Maria7 on 04/20/2022:
You can do it! I am right here with you!


bearcountrygg on 04/20/2022:
Sounds like Dad is calm tonight....That's a good thing for both of you.



happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 19, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

 Tue 4-19-22 9:30 am

Good body battery charge (84) and lots of rem sleep that brought my 7 day avg back up into functional levels. It's a huge difference in sharpness and stress management. It barely phases me when I saw that dad had eaten all the chicken I meal prepped for the week in one night. Just ordered Instacart and kept going... Ok... I'm out of meals for the week. I'll just figure it out. I'll cook and freeze a flat in case he surprises me again. He was probably binge eating from the emotional stress last night. At least it was protein. He wanted me to look at a song he wrote my mom and I just couldn't deal. At the end of the day when I am tired, I have zero emotional reserve. The level of emotional bandwidth corresponds exactly to Garmin Body Battery. Not proud.

Still (!!!) have a headache plus a REM hangover so I am not running errands today. Time to get back on PT and a walk. My "hugging the bottom" strategy didn't work out. I will now work on "staying in the middle".

 It looks how I feel... pooped out and flopped over.

 People of Reddit say the next thing to try is an EMF meter to see what electromagnetic levels might be causing celllular fatigue. Also to get rid of the microwave. OMG.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/19/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/19/2022:
Ordered Instacart. Did first 10 min of PT. Order arrived. Made a tofu scramble and chicken breasts while putting away groceries and washing dishes. Tofu scramble actually tasted good this time. I let it drain overnight in a salad spinner in the fridge and fried the turmeric before I added the tofu.

11:30 - Break. Headache is still pounding away.


bearcountrygg on 04/19/2022:
Sounds like a lack of caffeine headache....they are miserable...or maybe a tension headache....we all know that we are all loaded with tension.

happy-1 on 04/19/2022:
Actually it’s crazy high blood pressure. Took me too long to figure it out because it’s been 116/73 and I stopped looking.


horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2022:
you really have a handle on your body battery.....one more thing to feel good about!


Donkey on 04/20/2022:
I agree with Horn, that you seem to have this body battery thing figured out.

Yes, I can see how blood pressure might result in a headache. Well, that's not good....

I can't fathom binge-eating on chicken. Ice cream, cookies, chips, cheese, nuts... but chicken? Hmm... well like you say, it's protein at least.

happy-1 on 04/21/2022:
I think it is container based. Whatever container he picks up, he works his way through.


Maria7 on 04/20/2022:
Hope you are feeling better today...like HOP says...one day at at time!



happy-1 - Monday Apr 18, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

 Mon 4-18-22 8:30 AM

Woke up at 8 with my alarm with a whopper of a headache and not enough REM after a long night of insomnia. No more bread or frozen fruit for me. I couldn't fall asleep till my sugar came down at about 1:30am. It was just frozen blueberries and 1 piece of sourdough, but wow... At least my body battery charged ro 71. I have a shot at turning this around today.

I think I overate yesterday because it was a holiday and I was home having just a regular day. Also I was way hormonal and coming off a couple of weeks of not enough sleep. So... phooey.

 This time next week I start hosting coworking Monday mornings. I am super looking forward to it. Good to have positive energy around something for a change.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
9:30am… Headache broke up after some instant iced tea. Talking myself into doing PT and a walk before errands.

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
And putting on a new tank top for housework that doesn’t look terrible sure makes my day brighter.

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
Productive procrastination because I dread going to the post office. It’s just too bright and peopley out there. Feeling better than I have the past couple of weeks. - Took out trash - Packed prescriptions for the month and vitamins for the week 11am - second IR med - Tidied bedroom (not messy just a little straightening needed) - Ate PAF meal, salted almonds - Changed the cat box

12:30pm - Dad on me about the post office and other bits of business. He can’t get that I can only do one thing a day right now. He wants to pile me up with 20 different things. I’m worn out.

12:40pm headache is back. Lying down. Logging here.

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
1:40pm headache cleared 2:20pm back from post office. Eating chicken and frozen veg. Dad is asleep, thankfully.

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
2:40 2 pieces string cheese

happy-1 on 04/19/2022:
Dad got one in at bedtime meds check… he wrote my mom a song. He wanted me to read it. I couldn’t deal, so I bailed out abruptly. Sat in my bedroom trying to wind down and get ready to sleep… except I have a headache still and couldn’t stop thinking about what a jerk I am…

10:30pm couldn’t sleep, dad was up. I went in and read it. It did not go well. I was abrupt. Too raw, too painful. I can’t handle it like a Disney Princess. Dad got upset (rightfully).

The thing about elder care… you just like yourself less and less everyday.


bearcountrygg on 04/18/2022:
Waking up with a headache is the worst.

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
Just a symptom of something. Not sure what. Withdrawal? Chiro need? At least a big glass of instant iced tea helped!!!


Maria7 on 04/18/2022:
Hope you feel better. I have had a headache all nite last nite as well as today, too, and been taking tylenol for it, which helps 'some'.... Take care.


Donkey on 04/19/2022:
Well, waking up with a headache is just about the worst.

I don't know what to say, but I wish I could sit with you, with our own grieving, and just sit quietly.

happy-1 on 04/19/2022:
Me too.



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