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happy-1 - Sunday Apr 17, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Sun 4-17-22 8:45 am:

My easter basket gift from God was a 93 body battery and a bunch of REM rebound sleep. OMG. Strangely I don't feel that much better, possibly because I woke up with neck pain and I had 2.5 hours of REM which causes fogginess. Whatever. I will take it.

I used to love Easter. All holidays really. But I liked it best because of the weather and it was a breakfast food holiday with a lot of fun little things to do. 
 

Just another day here this time, but I've managed to get a better trend going of not getting so run down by bedtime and charging higher in the morning since I gave up caffeine and cut one glipizide with strangely better sugar, so maybe things are turning around... and next year I will make it to a brunch with friends.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Inch by inch…

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Just realized I haven’t eaten after dinner in 4 days and have been up at 5 4 days in a row… even if I went back to sleep today.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
2pm. All I have achieved is eating all my cheat meals for the week in 1 day, dishes, laundry. I have drained tofu, but not cooked it.I baked some spaghetti squash but have not meal prepped it

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
4:30… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I ate frozen fruit, then I made myself a grilled cheese with sourdough bread and spiked my sugar. Dumb.


Donkey on 04/17/2022:
That is a wonderful Easter gift! (((hugs)))

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Hugs.


bearcountrygg on 04/17/2022:
Hope your day goes well.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Ty. Happy Easter. Hugs.


Maria7 on 04/17/2022:
Hugs to you!


horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2022:
Happy Easter to you!

Although it was a low key day for you; it is good to hear you aren't getting as run down as you were a few weeks / months ago!

happy-1 on 04/18/2022:
I can’t believe Garmin can tell I feel a little better when I wake up in the morning and show a graph of it over time. Hugs.



happy-1 - Saturday Apr 16, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

 Sat 4/16/22 10:08am

Anoter night of crap quality sleep that makes me a zombie. I don't understand. I  walked,  rested most of the day, kept my body battery above 25 by bed, I was in bed on time. All I took was melatonin. I have been off sleep meds for 9 days... but my REM is just getting worse and worse.

All I can pull off is pea soup in the slow cooker. I can't pull off a walk. I tried looking for spare firstaid stuff. Tried placing a Ralphs order but dad started crying.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/16/2022:
Inch by inch


Maria7 on 04/16/2022:
Pea soup in the slow cooker sounds very good. Hope you get more rest. Take care.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Dad said it was delicious once it had reduced. I’m glad he got a good meal! Too many carbs for me!


bearcountrygg on 04/16/2022:
((HUGS))

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Hugs


Donkey on 04/17/2022:
(((hugs)))

I've been having very stressful sleep, since our Son's death. So even on the 2 days that I got a "good" sleep rating, I still had "fair" stress ratings. The remainder of the sleeps have been rated "fair" to "poor" with stress always getting a "poor" rating. Even with longer durations of sleep, still not getting good scores.

I get the limitations on functioning. I get it.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Hugs. It’s like starting your day with your head in a bucket of cement, right??? Hoping you get better sleep tonight!



happy-1 - Friday Apr 15, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

 Friday April 15, 2022 6am

Somehow I kept it together all the way to bedtime yesterday... I guess that's what 100 body battery points does for you... I got my dad to the doctor and the bank, made him a burger when we got home, meal prepped a flat of chicken, then managed to stop snacking at 7:30, shower, and have some broth before bed. My reward was falling asleep almost on time and waking up at 5 on time. With lovely fasting sugar that is coming closer to target ranges. Body battery at 72... but still pretty decent all things considered.

Waiting for my sleep stats at 6:30 am to plan my day.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
7:12 am… not enough REM. Feel ok right now but that will fade fast. Buffer day, I guess.

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
10:15 thought to check myair… sleep apnea score was off the charts last night. Why???

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
10:45 Searching Reddit for info on adrenal fatigue. Ran across this post that just makes me want to give up. I know I’m just tired. https://www.reddit.com/r/cfs/comments/jbgcbz/new_members_please_read_heres_stuff_i_wish_id/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
11:50. Cold, stiff, exhausted. Wish I could sleep. Took tylenol

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
12:30 made cowboy soup. Salsa, chicken stock, chicken, bag of peppers and onions, squash, mushrooms… omg… had 2 giant bowls. If you pig out on soup, you probably needed it.

2pm back to resting. Feels like the flu

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
7:30pm… done eating for the day. I cannot remember ever being so stiff, cold, tired, sore, and hungry after a solid night of sleep. Has to be a cold or something.


bearcountrygg on 04/15/2022:
Sounds like you did very well....YAY!!!

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
Inch by inch


horn_of_plenty on 04/15/2022:
you seem to be doing GREAT with your body battery! firsts for you in this!

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Inch by inch. Hugs.


Donkey on 04/16/2022:
It sounds like you may be coming down with something. Or maybe the lower body battery has more of an impact because you had an amazing day yesterday.

What's the lowest you've gotten your body batter to? Last night I was at an 8 before I stopped checking (so it may have gotten a little lower, actually). I was actually nodding off in the basement.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Garmin messages tell you to rest and recover in the 40’s so I’m thinking anything below 25 is likely to lead to or worsen adrenal fatigue. Did you see the link I posted to you on thyroid and adrenal fatigue? 5 is the lowest. I was hitting 5 at 10am a couple of years ago taking care of things after mom died so I literally was running myself into the ground without realizing it on the stimulant meds. They gave me fake energy. If I’ve got it right and I can keep my body battery above 25 by bedtime, I should be able to drop the glipizide entirely in a couple of weeks. I suspect it is increasing my appetite and making it harder to control sugar naturally.



happy-1 - Thursday Apr 14, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Thurs 4-14-22 8:24am

I did it!!! I charged to 100!!!

OMG!!!! Here is what I did:

  • Pushed myself to move enough to reach the bottom of the green training zone
  • Accidentally skipped the second glipizide before dinner. Didn't get hungry after my salad for dinner and didn't eat at night, which gave me lower sugar overnight
  • Only had a tea instead of coffee when I was craving caffeine
  • Slept 10 hours with proportional REM and Deep sleep. Shockingly I fell asleep on time at 10pm
  • Kept body battery above 15 by the time I fell asleep. 
    Because I had energy left in me, I remembered to make sure I was 90% hydrated before bed

Here's hoping I get to it a second day in a row.

For Jacky... Mama Cat has figured out how to insert herself into my PT routine for extra rubs. As I push against the band to build my arch, I scratch her ears.


 

She's also on me 24x7 with the cuddles.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/14/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 04/14/2022:
Had until 10am to celebrate my 100 charge and feel good. As soon as I poked my head out to take out trash and do dishes before a walk, Dad was on me for things. I dialed the first number, put the phone in his hand, and went for my 30 minute walk.

12:30pm Ate. 2 paf meals, like I did yesterday. I might have charged high, but I am halfway through my energy for the day. Mostly due to conflict with dad. He needs to go to urgent care but is procrastinating. I’m waiting to take him. He wants to use my printer to do something he could have filled out by hand a couple of days ago and been done with it. Neither of us can figure out how to connect to it, if I pushed on it I could but I’d be too tired to take him to urgent care. I went and got his printer out and set it up. He is not happy. Can I get just one day that doesn’t suck?

happy-1 on 04/14/2022:
12:45 He is doing everything BUT going to urgent care. I called and got him a same day appointment for 3pm. He says he’ll go to that.

1:30 trying to rest, he called again for envelopes and woke me up.

happy-1 on 04/14/2022:
2pm trying to rest again. Dad woke me up again. Wants to go over his to do list. Testing and pushing boundaries. Push push push. Needle needle needle.


bearcountrygg on 04/14/2022:
GREAT GOING HAP!!!!

happy-1 on 04/14/2022:
Inch by inch.


Jacky82020 on 04/14/2022:
LOL! Gotta love Mama Cat! So glad you posted those pics.

Good going on the Body Battery, but my stats are better. I exercised 45 days out of the last 30. Top that. Wink wink.

How are you feeling about jury duty? Courts need smart impartial jurors like you, so go unless you can postpone or have other good reasons to skip.

happy-1 on 04/14/2022:
The only reason I would skip is to prevent myself from getting exhausted and losing gains, crawling my way through it and needing 3 months to recover. I need to get back to work.


Jacky82020 on 04/14/2022:
Vaguely recall the summons saying one can request a postponement. Otherwise, judge not lest ye be judged. Never heard that In California. Could be a NWPA hillbilly thing. Bet them Christians went straight from the Courthouse to the ho house, after picking up crack on the corner. Laughing all the way.


Jacky82020 on 04/14/2022:
See C&P at top of my feed


horn_of_plenty on 04/14/2022:
beautiful cat cuddles! i am going to pick up a gp now!

happy-1 on 04/14/2022:
Purrrrrrr


Donkey on 04/15/2022:
Wow, that is amazing!!!! Did you feel recharged 100%? I can't even imagine what that would feel like.

happy-1 on 04/15/2022:
Like getting an extra 4 functional hours in my day. I actually thought clearly enough to make him an appointment instead of waiting for him to be ready to go to urgent care… which likely would have been 8pm at his second wind… after my bedtime… Then I was expecting to be wrecked after taking my dad to the doctor, but I had a little bandwidth for the bank, which was shocking. Then I cooked! Usually I crawl into bed and snack endlessly. But I had enough energy for self control a second night in a row.


Donkey on 04/16/2022:
^ That is AMAZING! Wow!

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Yeah, I need to pace myself better. I shouldn’t have cooked when I got home but there also wasn’t anything to eat in the house unless I cooked.



happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 13, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

 Wed 4-13-22 7:30am

Really high Body Battery... 81! Enough REM a second day in a row. I am closer to feeling human. 12 days left of recovery from taking new sleep med for just a few days. OMG.

Have the weirdest urge to lay in bed and just feel good. I won't though. I'm not sure if I will run errands, but I will definitely get a walk in and do PT.

I really want coffee. No coffee for me! Gotta keep progressing.

 

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
Augh. Jury duty summons.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
Augh. Weighed in at 252.8. Highest weight since this whole nightmare started years ago. Setback on top of setback.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
Lots of wind. This cat is racing around the room like a crazy kitty!

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
10am and all I have accomplished is dealing with plumbing, making my bed, getting dressed, eating, and posting here. I just don’t want to get started. I am full of resistance

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
11am went for my 15 min walk. Checked updated sleep stats. Garmin says yesterday and today were lighter than originally posted. Tons of deep sleep. Makes sense. Deep sleep recovers first. Also explains why I’m dragging so hard trying to get started.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
2:30. Halfway through PT routine. Tried to make dinner but dad was awake and wanted to talk about what doctor or who could send me to to help me. I said I don’t know. I got tired and had to lie down again. So much for a healthy chicken and veggie dinner.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
2:40 - Got up and went for a walk to dispel the negative vibes. Getting up into the green zone today, dammit.

Came back and asked my dad if he'd consider buying me the Garmin watch I want since it just went on clearance. I dunno what another doctor is supposed to do for me.

3pm. Hopped on coworking to host the body doubling lab. I can do this for an hour. I can.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
At least I got through amazon returns on the body doubling call.


Jacky82020 on 04/13/2022:
I got out last time by saying I was dreadfully frightened of covid. I asked the PCP to write a note & he refused. But the summons office accepted my truthful fears & released me, over the phone. I did not have to go in.

The times I went were interesting. The judge sat before a large crowd of summoned people and asked them to raise their hands if they had an excuse not to serve. This was pre-covid. So one guy says: I am a Christian. Judge not lest ye be judged. He got out. Then four or five others stood and said the same. LOL. It was hilarious.

So try that, if you really want out. They seem to fall for it every time. Maybe a cross and big Bible would help. LOL

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
I’m torn between wanting to get it over with and not wanting to get worn out. Or exposed to COVID. In 6 months would be better. I need to lie down between 10 minute bouts of chores.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
I swear I only got the summons because I’ve had “Bull” on as background noise. It’s a show about jury consultants.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
On the other hand, getting out of the house would be good for me.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
I’m just too tired to keep moving the football forward


Jacky82020 on 04/13/2022:
They may allow you to postpone, not sure.

Matt served on an interesting case in San Diego. Some White cop accused a Mexican teen of breaking his car side mirror. He had not an iota of proof, but all the other jurors thought the cop was hot S**T & believed him. Matt spent 2 hours defending the kid & he was acquitted. The cop appeared flabbergasted. LOL

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw good story.


Jacky82020 on 04/13/2022:
Cute cat!


bearcountrygg on 04/13/2022:
If you can prove you are your Dad's caretaker I think they will accept that...Back when we had foster children they accepted that for me.... I explained that I cared for 4 foster kids from abuse and neglect situations and that I was the only stable influence at that time for them....and I was immediately excused...I didn't even have to go into court the first day..... But like you say....it might be an enjoyable thing for you to do.......

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
When jury duty is something you are looking forward to... that's a sign!


horn_of_plenty on 04/13/2022:
just like you, lately i feel a little more energized during the day at work! i think it's coming from the longer periods of light; and Springtime happiness!

cutest cat post, indeed!

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Mmm… sunbathing.


Donkey on 04/14/2022:
It looks to me like it was a productive day to me, even if you were resisting from time to time.

Jury duty - an interesting proposition. It might be good to get out of the house for a day or so....

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Inch by inch. I don’t think I can pull off Jury Duty yet. 6 mos, probably.



happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 12, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Tues 4-12-22 7:50 pm

Got REM sleep last night. Any luck, I will again tonight. Burned through all my cognitive energy on my PT appointment and caregiver support group. Wanted to do PT, but couldn't get my head around it went for 30 and 15 minute walks instead. Didn't make it into the green zone but I will try again tomorrow.

Talking to the PT I realized the only way forward is to upgrade my Garmin... so if I can get more REM under my belt and buy it with an electronics plan, that's the priority.

Really want a hot shower before bed but dad is asleep in the bathroom again.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
Inch by inch.


Donkey on 04/13/2022:
Thank you for taking the time to explain the benefits of a Fenix. My Husband uses the stress level indicator, but I don't have mine set up for that. My point is that it's very helpful for him to have that feature. I have not yet used the breathing feature on my Garmin OR my Fitbit. I'm afraid of my own breath, I suppose.

Glad to hear you've gotten some REM. If we could make that a regular thing, wouldn't that be wonderful? (((hugs)))

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
Right????

You should have stress alerts on your Venu.

The breathwork feature is tied to it. It is based on HRV. It helps you reduce hrv after a stress alert.


bearcountrygg on 04/13/2022:
Happy that you got some good sleep last night........I'm sure that makes today easier.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Hugs



happy-1 - Monday Apr 11, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Mon 4-11-22 6pm:

Augh. Another day of bad sleep. I'm not winning. Super tired. Could be the chicken noodle soup as a midnight snack. Just got too hungry. Probably spiked my sugar and could have messed up my sleep.

New pillow is perfect, just need to carve a hole for my ear... It's just a little too hard for my ear. Earbuds are a miss. Have to look into a return.

I added a quest pizza to the groceries today. 2, actually. If all this started with an unmet pizza craving, maybe it will end with one.

Augh.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/11/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 04/11/2022:
6:50 pizza eaten. Not as good as I remember

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
10pm… in bed for 2h can’t sleep. Got up for turkey and cheese with the cat.

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
The only other thing I can think to do is buy a Garmin Fenix… they usually have a good Mothers day sale…

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
10:40 pm. Keto cookies and almond butter. I really want an apple but it’s too late at night for carbs


Donkey on 04/12/2022:
How frustrating... I'm sorry.

How do you anticipate the Fenix helping you? I'm not sure I'm saying this right. What features does it have that have sparked your interest in this investment?

I finally figured out that I have the Venu 2. Maybe I already said this a while back and forgot (LOL). I'm kind of hopeless when it comes to gadgets and apps.

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
Stress alerts - help me not burn through body battery so fast. Prevent insomnia

Breathwork - breathing pacing to help me recover from stress faster, burn less energy. Keep sugar down.

Stamina - Improve battery resistance to retain more energy.

Activity types - additional core types to account for dad assist and chores.

Sleep score and insights - less time navel gazing to figure out why I don’t get enough REM.

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
There are others but those are the key drivers for me


horn_of_plenty on 04/12/2022:
hi Hap!

i slept REALLY bad last night. up totally between like 2-4am. the whole time on my phone.

anyways, we will both catch up on sleep soon xo

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
Hugs.


Maria7 on 04/12/2022:
Hang in there. I hope you have a better day today. Take care.

happy-1 on 04/13/2022:
Hugs.



happy-1 - Sunday Apr 10, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Sun 4/10/22 8am

Small improvements. Higher body battery (74) from overnight sugar being a smidge better. Aldis brand foods seem to be a lot happier for the stats. Blood pressure a smidge better... 122/81. I guess it takes a couple of weeks for giving up coffee to make a difference. Was up at 5 on my own, or at least my bladder was. I could have used 3 more hours of sleep, but since being up on time will help with insomnia, yay we go.

I couldn't face getting dressed today. I have a bunch of tank tops, all of which show my bra. I found a 3 pack of not horrible ones all in charcoal grey for $20 on walmart. If they look ok, I will order a couple more. Cheap ones to do chores in.I feel like I do this every summer. Ugh.

Still not enough REM. I'm worn out. And hungry... but I don't want to make food in the kitchen and end up crosswise with dad. If I can rest again today, I have a shot at getting REM sleep tonight.

Dad is miserable in the meantime. I need to get him a pool noodle but am not feeling well enough to be out driving and going to stores. One more day of rest. 

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/10/2022:
Inch by inch


Maria7 on 04/10/2022:
Get your rest.

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
Hugs


bearcountrygg on 04/10/2022:
That blood pressure is GREATTT!!!

happy-1 on 04/12/2022:
At least something got better


horn_of_plenty on 04/10/2022:
Nice body battery !!


Donkey on 04/11/2022:
Looks good on paper: Body battery up, blood pressure down. I hope you were able to rest on Sunday and slept well overnight.


Maria7 on 04/11/2022:
Wishing you a good day today.



happy-1 - Saturday Apr 09, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Sat 4-9-22 10:50am

Nothing like restarting home nursing services when you haven't been sleeping right and the house is a mess. It's a special kind of humbling. It is what it is. We've had a heat wave and I haven't been getting "restorative sleep". At least I did all the dishes yesterday. Dad finally cleaned off his desk and we got his repaired laptop back, and all the used oxygen canisters picked up.

Sleep last night was bad. I think neck stiffness and pain from my headphones is to blame... and I need new earphones to sleep in. Ones that work for side sleepers. I use music and audio to fall asleep to. Insomnia till 2pm was probably due to matcha at 1:20pm... I had the worst caffeine headache and caved as I was trying to do PT. Garmin keeps recalculating sleep stats. 1:15, 0:46, 1:15... it can't decide today how much REM I actually got.

Body battery also low... I think it was the artificial sweetner in the keto ice cream. I really was down and Friday is my treat day. I thought I had it early enough to not affect sleep, but apparently not. 

My stats say that today I should just lay here and do nothing. Except I already busted that by getting up and cleaning the kitchen. Might as well clean.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/09/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 04/09/2022:
5:30pm - Ended up having no energy to keep cleaning and just rested. Lots of squabbling with dad. He doesn’t like all the noise the neighbors make. I can’t listen to the complaining. I bought some cheap earphones and a foam pillow that will be here tomorrow. There’s not much else I can do to improve sleep. At least I vacuumed and changed his sheets


Maria7 on 04/09/2022:
That's good that you cleaned the kitchen. Hope you feel better. It makes me feel happy to have a clean home, too. Hope you are having a good day.

happy-1 on 04/09/2022:
Hugs.


bearcountrygg on 04/09/2022:
I like a clean kitchen too.

happy-1 on 04/09/2022:
Inch by inch…


Donkey on 04/10/2022:
I'm glad to hear that you've restarted home health services. A good idea, at least in theory. I hope it helps.


horn_of_plenty on 04/10/2022:
even tho body battery is low, nice job getting all those tasks accomplished and dad's laptop fixed, etc. seems you are getting organized and caught up!

happy-1 on 04/10/2022:
Inch by inch. OMG.



happy-1 - Friday Apr 08, 2022
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 251.0

Fri 4-8-22 8:45am

Skipped sleep meds, took melatonin and vitamins, fell asleep on time and Rem improved. Got a ton of deep sleep so rem rebound will probably happen tonight. I dunno why the Temazepam wasn't helping.

Back up to 251. Overnight???? I looked up adult weight loss camps. A month at one is $10k. Seems expensive and unpleasant. But might be my first stop after dad passes. Get myself together. I feel like I just can't seem to get all the puzzle pieces together to get back up on my feet. Maybe an environment with more structure would change that. I spent most of the last 3 hours trying to get my head around doing PT. It's not that hard.

Last night when I got home from taking dad to the doctor I went face down in food. Was just too worn out. He was in a cheerful mood and wanted to show me a song he had written. I had a crying session because I was too overwhelmed with exhaustion, heat, knee/neck pain, and seeing myself on camera in the pharmacy. I barely recognized myself. I have this giant gut just jutting out like a bag of cat litter from my body instead of my actual body. My heart just stopped and I was so down. I was too tired to channel the emotions and do PT after the 30 minute walk yesterday. So when dad wanted me to be open and emotionally available, I just couldn't do it.

At least I weighed in and did all my stats this morning.

Waiting at home today for dad's laptop. May order instacart.

Progress as of today: 66 lbs lost so far, only 91 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/08/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 04/08/2022:
Fing Moderna. I’m so mad about that setback.

happy-1 on 04/08/2022:
7am - turmeric milk 9:15 - eating breakfast. Tried adding carrots to my keto hot breakfast to try and make it taste like carrot cake. Not so much. Just realized I forgot to not take stimulants this AM.

happy-1 on 04/08/2022:
12pm Dad is dressed for the day. Laptop is here. I can sit for a little bit and do PT. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.


Maria7 on 04/08/2022:
Bless your heart. You try to comfort yourself with food because you have such a huge task of taking care of your Dad, which you do an outstanding good job of. It relieves some of the stress and anxiety, to comfort with food, but creates even more when weight goes up (or doesn't come down). And you HAVE to eat, to keep up your energy level to take care of your Dad and yourself (and Mama Cat). When you are under such a load, it is very difficult to eat less. I know. But, it can be done. I will be praying for you. Take care and try to think of things you can do that will achieve the same or better effect of food (for comfort) that is not related to food but would help to reduce stress and help you feel better and comforted. I am doing the same. You are NOT alone.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Yeah… but still have to eat in limited quantities, limited time slots. If I rely on self control, it will fail. Stats are really the only things that help me see a difference and stick to habits.


bearcountrygg on 04/08/2022:
At least the carrots were a healthy addition.


Jacky82020 on 04/08/2022:
Thanks, Hap, I didn’t know a time release melatonin was a available. Will buy tomorrow. Will google the others.


Jacky82020 on 04/08/2022:
Those CCTV cams make everyone look like a bubble! Me too. And even my cats in the cat room. I have a cat cam in there. Yesterday Matt said: you’re overfeeding cats! They look like beach balls. LOL. He hadn’t seen them on the cam for a while.

I shield my eyes when I see them in the store. Scary!


horn_of_plenty on 04/08/2022:
i know it is so hard to take care of live with your father. <3

when it is just you, on your own down the road, you may not even need a camp....it will be a more relaxing lifestyle overall...but i see your temptation in a camp...just remember the camp ends and you can do less expensive things and have a dietician and classes at home...maybe you can find a mix...not a weihgtloss camp, but go on a vacation with a tourguide? just a suggestion of what i would do!

happy-1 on 04/09/2022:
Yeah, it’s more of a fantasy. Go somewhere 24x7 in a structure experts set up and see if I can break the cycle I can’t break at home. I keep trying and tryimg, but can’t seem to break it. Sleep med was a setback.


Donkey on 04/09/2022:
So Dad has a computer now? If I read that right, yay! I'm glad for him, and relieved for you.

A retreat of some kind might be nice. Not necessarily weight loss, but maybe a spa, yoga, etc., retreat, to relax and re-center.

happy-1 on 04/17/2022:
Or volunteer for Americorps… if it still exists. A way to re-enter the world.



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