So... weird checkin for today. I went off the rails and binge ate last night.
The trigger was minor... Dad saying he's not really being affected by grief or bereavement... totally off target. Being "numb" and not feeling anything is still being affected by grief and part of bereavement... but it was him being totally off target that threw me off. Even though I was ready to go to beds and had already taken meds, I ended up staying up till like 2 or 3 overeating and watching "The Boys" on Amazon (so good)... Eventually I just fell asleep.
100+lbs ago, this would have been whatever I had in the house, a pizza and wings, and a gallon of ice cream. I'd have felt like hell in the morning and been sick for days, possiby kept binging for another couple of days because I felt really bad about myself. My blood sugar would have skyrocketed and I wouldn't have moved or gone for a walk in forever. I'd have sat around crying and beating myself up for wrecking myself again.
But I've been working with the nutritionist to eliminate bad foods and make home a "safer" place for me to be... so the emotional binge eating I did last night wasn't actually all that bad. All in all I had 2 slices of white bread, an ice cream sandwich, a bag of popcorn, 4 rx bars, grapes, and raw almonds.
Overslept this morning, blood sugar is more or less ok, and I watched "Good Omens" until I felt better. Gave the pets some treats, took a shower and washed dishes. Did my hair. Might see a movie later.
Dental surgery area is a little worse for the popcorn and almonds, but ok. Giving it an extra day before I go back to yoga... so tomorrow. I ordered a lunch bag at a place next to it for pickup to give myself a kick in the butt to go.
Onwards and upwards.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
One foot in front of the other. At the movies today. Seeing Peanut Butter Falcon for some downtime... from not doing much of anything. At least it feels that way. I woke up at 6am to a custom kitty good morning, cleaned the house and did laundry before it got hot, went and got breakfast and did my OT homework plus read a chapter in my “Take Back Your Life” book while dad had an in home visit from the bereavement counselor so he could have some privacy, then hit the post office and the grocery store, brought groceries home, finished laundry and made dad’s bed, picked up the patio, checked the bereavement counselor notes, and sorted out the mail. So a fair amount of stuff even though it wasn’t actually “work”. And it is 12:30 so I am entitled to take a lunch break. Just an RX bar from my bag. This theater doesn’t have salads.
So after this, Starbucks for one of their salads and wifi... Goal is to figure out which classes I will try to crash at the community college tomorrow, finish all my unread mail, setup my calendar for september, and cross one thing off my “critical to do list”.
Tomorrow, I get back to yoga and cardio.
---
After watching the movie I suddenly felt like I needed to take my dad to the grocery store. I guess it was spiritually uplifting and I felt like being a better human being. Or something.
Called dad, he was down for going to the grocery store, but by the time I got home he was in bed sleeping with the blankets on in 90 degree weather.
Scary.
Did at least figure out what classes to crash. There is only one I can try to add by crashing. Everything else I would want to take is distance education only.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
i hope your dad is ok! and i hope you made sure!
Will you return to yoga today?
Keep on doing what you're doing. It may be difficult but every step forward is in the right direction.
Up at 5am. I set a series of Alexa reminders for what I need to do inthe morning while I was mad at myself last night and woke up to hearing “Get your ass up and walk the pets” among other things. I’ll change the words in the reminders to be a little less verbally abusive, but loud verbal prompts really helped me get up at 5, take meds and sugar, walk the cog, take a shower and leave the house for a cup of coffee. I write this from my favorite breakfast spot where I ordered a super veggie omelette and swapped the hashbrowns for black beans, drank two glasses of water, and saved coffee for after my meal. I get 2 cups and 8 creamers but from now on I will bring some Lairds Superfood Creamer so I can have a healthier option. Those little cups of half and half have a lot of cholesterol and trans fats.
May this meal make me healthier and better able to take care of my dad.
——— Cat lovers only below this line
Major milestone walking the cat this morning. He volunteered for his harness this morning... and when my dog pooped, he pooped. He’s peed on his walks, but this was the first time pooping. I took this as a sign of him generally being more comfortable. Also, he did not pee his kitty sling. He actually looked like he enjoyed the exercise later at home... super extra communicative and chill.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Nice breakfast!
so glad to hear your cat is getting broken in!
I should get an Alexa so that I can nag my husband all day while I'm at work - ha ha ha. (Or I could stay married...)
That is SO COOL about your cat!!! Friends that poop together, stay together. (um...)
Weight: Upswing to 226.3, but not stressing about it. Fasting blood sugar may have been high because of dental surgery yesterday and also I waited to check till I’d already been up a few hours and walked the cog (cat and dog), which can spike my sugar. Still, 1 foot in front of the other. I am super proud of myself for jumping out of bed and going for a walk like a productive adult... and for then going straight to the shower and then out to breakfast. I didn’t get sucked into what I used to call “The Circus”. Is it still a circus if it’s one crazy old dad and not both of your crazy old parents? Part of me feels terrible about not sticking around and making him breakfast and showing him love. The rest of me is grateful to be out and getting some daylight.... a healthy breakfast of chicken, beans, broccoli, guac, and corn tortillas... A cup of coffee while I read a book I bought at CVS yesterday called “Take Your Life Back” It is actually pretty good... It hooked me with a discussion of the older brother of the prodigal son who stayed home and did service to his father and then was angry he didn’t have the life he wanted. Food for thought.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Sometimes a piece of the puzzle just pops up.
i don't know many people who walk their cats! you are an exception!
No weigh in today, I had dental surgery. I found the whole thing phenomenally stressful. The human body is terrifing... It shouldn’t be so easy to pop out a tooth and do things to a jaw. You think your body is solid and firm and then you get a reminder of how fragile it really is. And the office staff was like oh this is no big deal... Aaaack! I get from their perspective it isn’t... but my tooth, my jaw, my body, my life... Eek.
Soft foods only, no cardio or inversions till monday. My goal for tonight is just to not overeat and get out to walk the pets. Monday I start living at the gym and doing all the yoga I can do on my all access pass. Beyond that... I don’t know. Just trying to put one brick in place at a time. I feel like my first brick is now in place.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
have a nice walk tonight with the pets!
I'm glad to hear that you are feeling like you've completed a brick. That's a good feeling. (I hope you can feel it, too.) Now on to the next brick, when you're ready.
223.6... not massive progress but moving in the right direction. Which pretty much sums up everything in my life right now.
Cleaning out the pantry and made cowboy cookies using protein powder, pancake mix, and museli. Result was slightly more edible than cardboard... but incredibly filling... and it’s keeping me out of the ice cream bars and white bread I bought my dad.
Bereavement group discussion material today gutted me like a fish. I turned into a leaky snot factory. Classy.
Hot kickboxing boyfriend said he’d be my emergency contact for dental surgery. Which totally increased his “yum” level.
Was going to go to a movie at the mall. Phone was dying so I charged it on my car and did random life junk... And did the rookie mistake of letting my battery run down. Real women have their own battery jumper kits... and roadside assistance for when tthey took them out of the car to make space for 120lbs of pine pellets... “What kind of horse do you have?” asked the nice lady at the feed store... “No horse, just a tom cat that pees a lot. See you next week.”
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
The ice cream sandwiches are a weakness of mine also. I’m going to try to only buy himone at a time if I have to walk to the drugstore everyday and spend $4 to do it.
little by little is the best way to move, so you sound to be doing well, Happy. keep up the good work <3
also, nobody buys a "neon watch" so you are like most...
I have a cat on me so I have not yet weighed in. Can’t disturb a happy cat. I have to say though... A big strong tom cat kneading my cookie gut is a huge motivator toget up off my butt and look for my fitbit and then go to yoga.
If garmin turns out to have a “find my watch” feature I would definitely buy one.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Luckily he’s an awesome cat.
Ok. Starting over.
Fell off track yesterday and today. Didn’t make dinner so I ended up eating ice cream and bread... like most of a gallon and 3 huge rolls. Never mind that I’v spent the week putting up single serving dinners in advance of dental surgery... Could have had those just got... tired. Lonely.
I feel a ton better after talking to friends yesterday and today, just to say hi. I watched a match with my dad for my 30 min companion time assignment.
Trying to focus on fitness between now and Sept 15.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
i had a similar eating situation as you last night. i was very tired and wanted to relax....and all i could do was eat...i ended up taking a sleeping pill to fall asleep and stop the cycle of the night which was leading to eating just for the point of relaxing rather than hunger...also i see you reached for sugary food, maybe you were feeling down and the sugary foods are a common thing we reach for.
More bad eating, but got back on track at 2nd breakfast.
High anxiety day. Stayed on course though... Just went home, told my dad I was stressed and needed some time to myself. Set a timer for 30 min. Cleaned my room and set up my desk for success. Still felt stressed, so I set another timer. Now I am logging here and updating my to do list.
And hot kickboxing boyfriend sent me a pic of his butt... tastefully done with clothes on. So framing that.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
One of my FB friends shared a meme that says, "Your anxiety is lying to you."
Lol on the butt picture! I can appreciate that (grin)...
Hugs. Love the butt pic!
also, good job staying on track and pacing yourself.
My biggest challenge is avoiding snacking at night, especially watching tv.
Oh late night eating is so hard! That is how I gained the weight 2nd-to-last time. I'm not sure I have a solution. I still struggle with it daily - yes, DAILY. (Or should I say, "nightly"?)
On the other hand, I did it because at that time, it was the only thing that would help me feel momentarily better about anything. I was truly despondent during this time, and if I wasn't sleeping or wanting to jump in front of a moving train, to find some solace in late night food while watching comforting TV shows -- well, better to do that than drive myself to the train station.
you have a lot of emotions going on and it sounds like you are doing pretty darn well despite it all. keep your head up, smile, and know you are capable always. keep on happy. we are rooting for you!
Hugs, ty for rooting for me. I’ rooting for you too.
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IT happens to most if not all of us.....but like you say....the choices weren't all that bad. Looks like you have good plans for today!
A little thwarted. Can't find my phone, keys, or wallet. I have trackers for all of them and they aren't working. One step at time.
Found them!
BearCountryGG on 08/25/2019:
Glad you found them Happy
Donkey on 08/25/2019:
Not so bad of a binge if it was healthy foods. I think you're being too hard on yourself, this time.
Not being hard on myself, more marveling at how far I have come. I used to really go off the rails... That's how I ended up 170lbs overweight and desperately unhappy. That it wasn't that bad is a major success.
Horn_of_plenty on 08/25/2019:
those rx bars can do a number on your teeth too as they are quite hard !!!! just kidding, i'm glad you are OK.
Especially since I freeze them to make them extra tough so I can gnaw on them like a bone.