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view happy-1 bio page
happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 25, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Kitty spent the night out of the crate last night. I had enough trust built up in him that I was going to try to sleep with him last night, but my dog was in bed already and he said "No thank you" very politely, then dug at my door to be let out. He then spent the entire night glued to my mom in her hospital bed. She really wasn't feeling well, and I deeply appreciate this little kitty keeping her company. Her mood this morning is a lot better than normal. Waking up and saying good morning to her was so much less heartbreaking.

Also tremendously relieved to see him go find his litterbox in his crate all on his own this AM.

Got anxious about bf last night. He doesn't want to do overnights on fridays or saturdays. Fri he sees his buddy for coffee till 1am. Saturday isn't fun for me because he has to be at his mom's by 9am. Also we just don't talk much anymore... so it's boring. I'd tell him I'm bored off my ass and not having fun, but I don't want to rock the boat right now.

Aunt wants her son to connect me with a consulting job 4.5 hours south (with traffic). I don't know how she thinks I can pull that off. I'm all PTSD from the drama, taking care of my mom at home, dad is headed to hospice next (he's eating emotionionally and bringing on dialysis). Plus there's still 3 hoarded rooms to clear out. And also... I just don't want to give up time with my mom. I know she's not her biggest fan... but my mom is still my mom.

Dental stuff today. I can do this.

Step 1... pants.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

legcramps on 06/25/2019:
Have a good day today Happy!

happy-1 on 06/25/2019:
Thank you!!!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/25/2019:
So the kitty is really helping everyone :) Are all kitties house-trained this easily?

Good luck with the dentist.

i guess if you really don't want the 4.5hr away job, don't take it?

happy-1 on 06/26/2019:
After today, I am starting to see my aunt's point. I thought I was showing my parents how much I love them by spending time with them so they don't have to go into a home and do things with them, but my approach has been all wrong. Maybe a 4.5 hour away job would be a good thing.

happy-1 on 06/27/2019:
And it's a benefit of adopting an adult cat from volunteers who know the cats... All the work is done for you.


BearCountryGG on 06/25/2019:
Happy to hear that the new cat is helping your mom....and i do believe that most cats will use a litter box automatially........when they have constant access to it...we have only had 1 that refused......he just neer did work out as a house cat.....and had to stay a barn cat.

happy-1 on 06/27/2019:
He's a model of kitty perfection. Except for the breath... needs a little dental love.



happy-1 - Sunday Jun 23, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

 

SO TIRED.

Yesterday, I walked 3+ miles with errands, not a big deal but it was in the full sun and I had a 9.5lb tomcat in my purse that felt like 20lbs on the way home. Lots of people got excited about a cat in a purse and took photos. I will now remember to plan my outfit choices more carefully!!!

Then I did chores all night. Fell asleep last night in the chair next to my mom. Woke up about 3am to change her and just kept doing chores for 9h straight.

Chores included making healthy versions of "Just Crack N Egg" with uncured chicken sausage and veggies. My dad has actually figured out how to make them up as omletttes for himself.

The cat continues to be a solace to my mom. I have no idea how I would do this without him. He knows how to earn his spot 100%. He's trying to curl up with me in my bed, which besides the 6" of personal space my dog demands, is the only sacred thing my dog won't share. She shows big white teeth as soon as he hits the bed. This prompts me to pick him up and put him out with my mom and also hang out there with her (and finish putting away all the clean laundry). Somehow he changes the energy and I can stand to be there next to her. She's so unhappy and angry. The cat changes it into a mellower verson that allows me into her space. Still haven't gone through the family photos yet... Just the wrong vibe. I change her wrong, I'm too rough helping her turn over (mostly I don't have enough fine motor control on the right side), she hates the tv signal quality, nothing is right.

Today was especially hard. I am having dental problems that may be an abcess... But I got super sick changing her diaper and wasn't enough of a help to my dad. It was a family drama. I was able to book a caregiver for several days so that I can get to a dentist appointment and recover after.

Not really eating right. Just kind of grabbing (too many) snacks here and there instead of real meals.

One foot in front of the other.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

legcramps on 06/24/2019:
I'm so glad you have that cat. I completely understand how an animal or another human being can change the whole vibe in a room for the better; sometimes, it just takes the focus off of you, and that's all that is required. I'm very sorry that you're struggling, but happy to hear you will take a few days to get yourself checked out and also recover.

You are doing such a fantastic job. You should know that.

happy-1 on 06/25/2019:
Hugs. Thank you.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/24/2019:
how cute, the cat in the purse as long as it doesn't pee???

also, great job on walking 3mi! that's a really good mileage right there!

That's good your dad is prepping some of his own food.

Your mom is having the worst of times - so her personality may change a LOT from what you are used to bc of her sickness / the prescriptions. i have seen this in the past in my own grandmother.

keep some healthy snacks much more conveniently around, it should help you. one other thing a can recommend is that you always have a light drink around - like seltzer (i continuously sweeten mine with stevia - gotta order more stevia now actually!!), and other light drinks. they'll give you the "oral fix!

happy-1 on 06/27/2019:
Yeah... the peeing is an issue... Glad I had a separate bag for my purse and borax for my laundry.

seltzer and stevia is a good plan. I'm digging hot licorice tea.


BearCountryGG on 06/24/2019:
Oh...I'm feeling so bad for your family right now...these are especially tough times....I hope your mom finds comfort in your care of her...I'm sure she appreciates tou so much.....she is just mad at her circumstances right now...not you! The new cat sounds like a very important member of the family right now...even if the dog isn't quite sure....

happy-1 on 06/27/2019:
The cat and dog have teamed up and are working together. Now that I'm feeling better on antibiotics, walks will resume!


Donkey on 06/25/2019:
I agree and echo all the comments made above. You're doing a fantastic job, handling everything in this very difficult time.

The cat stories are heartwarming...

happy-1 on 06/27/2019:
Hugs! Thank you!!!!



happy-1 - Saturday Jun 22, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

The hospice social worker and the nurse tag teamed my dad and talked him into giving me a night off and getting in a caregiver. God bless them. Left parents and pets at home with a very nice lady who has a million pets herself and totally understood having to supervise a cat you adopted during an “impulse control moment” and have to completely redo the house to accommodate. Bless her! I’m assuming no calls means no drama. I should probably call, but... eh.

I write this from the bathroom of a nice hotel room with free breakfast and a quiet bathtub I do not have to  get out of because anyone else needs to use it... and then sleeps in there for two hours. And in the room watching tv and drinking coffee is my very hot kickboxing boyfriend. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/22/2019:
Oh my -- this sounds LOVELY! I'm so glad for you!!!! LOL on the cat supervision - I get it.

If this goes well, perhaps your dad will be open to having this happen again. You needed this so very badly!

happy-1 on 06/23/2019:
Dad is s little grouchy about this. I guess she didn't do any of the chores on my list. She was overwhelmed. All I did was write down what I would have done if I was there the hours she was there. Augh. No wonder I'm exhausted.


BearCountryGG on 06/22/2019:
I'm so happy that you are getting this time for yourself....and I agree...no phone calls mean everything is just fine!! Have a great weekend!!!

happy-1 on 06/23/2019:
Thank you! Big hugs!


Horn_of_plenty on 06/23/2019:
yes, wow! how nice! and with your kickboxing BF! lucky you tonight. yeah, don't worry about any calls...that's great!

I hope you had a wonderful time Saturday night! :) Sounds much better than ANY of my saturday night adventures recently, i'll tell you that!

happy-1 on 06/23/2019:
Hugs. They will get better. You are an independent adventurer.


Donkey on 06/23/2019:
I'm so proud of you.

happy-1 on 06/30/2019:
Aaaaaaw. Hugs.



happy-1 - Thursday Jun 20, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

No chemo for mom. She started hospice yesterday instead. Her pre-chemo test results were really bad. It's a big reversal.

Last week I took my mom to a cat show and couldn't help but get my mom a cat (you would have too if you saw her there... kitty hunger) and he's really taking the edge off. When mom is sad and inconsolable, deploy the cat... Not really a cat person, but I needed to do SOMETHING for her. "Sorry you feel so lousy. Sorry I never had grandkids for you... I can't fix that. I can, however take on something I never really wanted to do and get you a cat and guarantee it a home after you pass." 

She's not so in love as she was at first because he got really plump after a few square meals and is too strong for her. Also she has some kind of weird anger because I integrated him with my dog differently than she wanted me to, they totally get along, and he even goes on walks with us. They sleep and eat peacefully within a couple of feet of each other. It's like she's angry that I didn't make it some long, complex process and it still worked out anyway. I basically decided that my dog should get everything she ever wanted every time I look at the cat so that she'd think "Why didn't you get a cat sooner? Cats are the best thing ever!" Other than the cat trying to use my dog as a land bridge from the top of his crate to my desk... and a yelp of displeasure from my dog... Peace in the kingdom.

Current kitty hurdles are that he has terrible diarrhea and I had to toss his scratchpad so he wants to scratch but can't. Also, he wants to make mom's art storage his home. Noooo... So he's confined to the crate when unsupervised and he is definitely not a fan of that. As soon as he poops he's desperate to get out of the crate and it's a racket and a half. Off to the free vet visit with the ASPCA voucher to find out why kitty has explosive poops... 

Goal for today is to go to the vet, grocery store, and come back and look at photos with my mom.

One foot in front of the other. 

 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/21/2019:
I am so sorry to hear that your mom isn't doing well. I wish her not to be in any pain though.

I am amazed you got her a cat!? wow! that's a BIG gift from you! and a big responsibility but you wrote you have wanted one :)

wow - the cat goes on walks with your dog? amazing!

good luck on the vet visit with your kitty! how cute. yeah, i'm sure it's best to keep her in the crate when not supervised! :)

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
Noooo I have not wanted a cat. Ever. They are great to visit but difficult to live with and people who are allergic can’t come over.


Donkey on 06/21/2019:
Congratulations on your new kitty! It's nice that he gets along with your dog. Some cats are like that.

Our latest kitty had a poop problem too. 10 days of some liquid meds and she's fine now. Make sure you take a stool sample when you visit the vet (?).

Cats aren't like dogs though, so I hope you don't have him in the crate for too long.

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
Augh... well... when the explosive diarrhea stops and I have all my mom's art safely put away from shredding claws, I will re-examine the crate policy.

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
Vet had me deworm him again, and some other meds I am too tired to start tonight but will start in the morning.


Donkey on 06/21/2019:
Congratulations on your new kitty! It's nice that he gets along with your dog. Some cats are like that.

Our latest kitty had a poop problem too. 10 days of some liquid meds and she's fine now. Make sure you take a stool sample when you visit the vet (?).

Cats aren't like dogs though, so I hope you don't have him in the crate for too long.


Donkey on 06/21/2019:
I don't know why my comment posted twice...

I do hope that your mom finds some comfort in her hospice treatment. (((hugs)))

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
It's heartbreaking and I dunno that she will but I am doing my best.


legcramps on 06/21/2019:
I'm sorry your mom isn't doing so well...i hope things improve for you both.



happy-1 - Friday Jun 14, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Om.

Woke up at 3:30am this morning with all-over body aches and pains. I think it is either arthritis or general aches and pains from the strain of cleaning rugs and hauling my mom around at the last minute appointment to get a pickline for chemo... Apparently she starts next week. Even though "Everything hurts and I'm dying", I am grateful to be back on schedule and have some early morning hours to myself to get my head together. I spent my morning creating a functional desk, nightstand, and workspace in my new room.

I did get to yoga on Wednesday, even though I was too out of it to leave the house and go... I tried an online live yoga app (Yogaia, but there are others). I don't know why I haven't before except that now that I finally have a door I can close, space to stretch out in and a clean carpet. I just went out to my car and grabbed my mat, blocks, blanket, and strap... good to go. Today I set up my tripod for my phone to give the instructor a better view of my poses... I still need a good mirror... and like 3 more feet of space on all sides!!! But one step at a time. I don't do yoga videos because I want the pose corrections from an instructor... I've wasted so much time with this neck injury and worked so hard to pull it back together I don't want to do anything to knock it out of position. Online and live seems like a good happy medium and a decent solve while I struggle through taking care of two terminally ill parents.

Yesterday instead of yoga though I went and got a haircut. I love my hair stylist, She's so nice and I destress so much. I really appreciate her tremendously. I was so desperate for something to make me feel human and this really, really helped. I actually got to feel like my old self again for a few hours last night. This was also helped by my Old Navy splurge on tall size yoga clothes and a salmon tank top. Everything shrinks and gets too short I swear. So not buying anything regular size ever again.

Today, I will continue to spend the morning on a million tiny tasks to set myself up for success, and possibly make up a couple of meals I have the ingredients for. Then I want to do a yoga class at lunch, then try to get my parents out of the house in the afternoon for some kind of outing. Burn off the shut in crazy a little if I can.

Tomorrow I see my guy!

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2019:
I keep my fingers crossed your pain is coming from some overdoing / cleaning and prepping more. Aren't you too young for arthritis!? i hope!?

Online and Live yoga!? amazing!!!! that sounds awesome indeed! And so convenient to do at home. that's cool.

yes, i've had issues i believe with old navy and shrinking / short size pants getting too short!

i'm glad you got your hair cut and feel good. I need to get highlights, but, since time is sorta racing lately, i'm actually just letting my roots show for longer and don't really care! if i had more gray, i think i'd care, but, since most of my roots are brown i figure who gives.

good for you on cooking!!!! lately i cook a TON since ordering the veggies! :) I like to google recipes for what i have / want to make and choose that day. i have so many herbs and spices that i do usually have what's needed to get a veggie dish right! also wanna make a corned beef i have in the freezer :)

Have a nice day, you do sound good!


Donkey on 06/15/2019:
In case you didn't know it... you're doing incredibly well in handling life right now. At least from what you're sharing here --- and it might not feel like it to you.



happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 12, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Random blessings... Landlord mysteriously chose to fix concrete where my mom's wheelchair ramp ends and replaced our broken screen door. Big Lots is giving me a grace day to return the carpet cleaner. Social worker was kind to my mom.

For my mom today, I was there for her in general and got her bed trapeze setup swapped out to a better position. I also brought her a Jamba Juice shake and found her glasses.

For my dad today, I moved some paperwork along and also advocated for him to be moved into the queue for PT and a nutritionist.

For my dog today, I moved her beds around and now she can get in and out of my bed on her own by using one of them as a stair. I like it when my dog joins me all on her own. She's a senior dog and I think snuggles take effort.

For my guy today, I said yes to a date and ordered his birthday present... one of them at least. A leather keychain with an inscription. I'm looking at passes to a horror convention near us in August. I finally have someone to go to haunted houses and watch scary movies with.

For myself today, I checked my hormone panel results. Kids are pretty much out of the picture. At least I know. 

Before today ends, I will go to the post office and to yoga.

Mantra for tomorrow: I will get stronger and things will seem easier.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 06/12/2019:
You have a lot going on but are doing an outstanding job of getting through it each day. So proud of you. Glad you are taking good care of you, too.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/13/2019:
Wow, great post!!!! There's a lot of happiness here and success with getting things done :) Proud of you!


Donkey on 06/13/2019:
Many blessings here. They add up, don't they? I am proud of you as well!!

happy-1 on 06/14/2019:
Hugs, ty. If you are proud of me, then that is a huge accomplishment because your respect is a worthwhile thing to have.


legcramps on 06/13/2019:
Oh man, I would love to go to that horror convention! That's right up my alley :)

happy-1 on 06/14/2019:
Riiiiight????? OMG. I love that stuff. I can't wait to see "The Dead Don't Die".



happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 11, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

WINS:

Today I cleaned the carpets and did follow up calls for my mom and got her PT eval moved 2 days earlier. I wanted to take my parents to the grocery store, but neck is killing me and I needed to go to yoga. I did the shopping for them as best I could. Dad flipped out because he didn't like the sodium-free soda I bought him, so I left immediately and got some dinner. A salmon kale salad to go with my return to yoga. I went to the 99cent store after and discovered they had Lara Bar Kid stuff for $1. I stocked up. 

Doing my best, every day for no regrets.

 

LOSSES:

I binged on the new snack bars. I think I ate a box worth. Augh

 

TOMORROW'S MANTRA:

Peace begins with me.

 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/12/2019:
I'm glad you are doing yoga and keeping on with your healthy routine. I would be trying to that too if I were in your place.

Dad seems to flip out often...you keep on. and don't let it upset you. you keep being you and if it's not to dad's liking...well...you tried.

those snack bars are tasty indeed.

happy-1 on 06/12/2019:
One foot in front of the other... As the meme wisdom of the internet promises, I choose where I will be in 30 days.

Dad flips out every 20 min or so. I just try to ignore it... like static on a radio station from very far away.

They are too good! I had too many last night because they were new and delicious. I will eventually get bored with them though and eat fewer of them. They are less processed than the Lenny and Larry's cookies and at least a little bit like a nicotine patch so I don't dive into mom's treats..



happy-1 - Monday Jun 10, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

One foot in front of the other.

For myself, I am doing a good job of picking ok meals, avoiding temptation, and testing before I eat.

For my mom, I went to the cancer networking meeting she wanted to attend on her behalf. 

For my dog, I removed my dad's oxygen machine from my room so it is less hot (she gets locked away when our nurse is over) and worked on moving it to a separate room. I also put the dog gate back so the door doesn't have to be closed and freshened up her bed.  

For my dad... Making up a chicken breast with peas, carrots and rice.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/12/2019:
Lots of good things going on in your entry, Happy! :) Good job taking care of things for your family - and yourself <3


Donkey on 06/12/2019:
Incredibly positive post! Victorious - even if it might not feel that way. You did good.


legcramps on 06/12/2019:
Well done, happy :) one step at a time.


innerpeace on 06/12/2019:
Always do for yourself! Have a great day.



happy-1 - Sunday Jun 09, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Mom's home from the hospital! 3 days of observation. No surgery this time, just a different kind of bandage. Everyone is exhausted. I've been fully dressed for 3+h to go grocery shopping and have not yet left my house. I just go in search of whatever we have that resembles junk food (rice krispies, grilled cheese sandwiches) and then flop back over to watch more Archer.

I really want to order chinese food, but dad can't have the sodium. I miss takeout terribly.

I have pants. My outfit is great. I CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE.

After one more episode.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/09/2019:
Yay!!!!! Wonderful news!!!

Maybe just chill out with Archer. It's been a full day, a stressful week (plus). Maybe groceries can wait?

happy-1 on 06/10/2019:
Yeah and if I submit an online sams club order I can just pick them up.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
Archer! i don't remember it that much but i am sure it's funny!?

hey, i am sure you needed the downtime after all those times and stress at the hospital. i'm glad you are all back home and doing better.

too bad there wasn't more food i guess in your house that was healthy? i am sure you just wanted to be home! :) xoxo

happy-1 on 06/10/2019:
All seasons are streaming on Hulu. Hilarious and addictive. Kickboxer got me hooked and I need to catch up to the current season :-)


Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
PS- i love takeout too!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/10/2019:
i'm going to look on Amazon Prime for Archer :)



happy-1 - Saturday Jun 08, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

On a recommendation from a therapy intern, I brought a bunch of old photos to the hospital yesterday. Mom perked up, sat up (all on her own) and partcipated in life. She even ate and did her PT. She's getting discharged today.

Yay!

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 06/08/2019:
Oh...that is great!!! I'm sure she is happy to be going home too!


BearCountryGG on 06/08/2019:
That was a good idea with the photos....reminds all of you of easier times......Good Job Happy!!


Donkey on 06/09/2019:
The photos were a great idea! Is Mom home now? You continue to be in my thoughts...


Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
yayyy! i am glad your mom is doing better and can go home!



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