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happy-1 - Tuesday May 08, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Day 4 of dog sitting. The puppy has chilled out, more or less. The three of us took a nap on the couch together with him drooling in my face and my dog chasing rabbits against my tush. I just went with it. Still feeding separately.

I have healthy food but it all seems likea lot of work to make or I am missing ingredients... like rice, hoisin or siracha. All I want to do is get a pizza. Fill up on something easy and tasty. Mostly I am just homesick, which is crazy. Maybe I miss Hulu. Can't believe how boring Direct tv is. Worn out. Told ex in SD that we should hang out next week since this isn't a ton of fun. I am waiting to put the puppy to bed in the crate to get my laptop out and work.

---

Made a giant bowl of veggie pho and it was good. Used shiritaki noodles and it was super low carb and healthy if high in sodium. Following it up with a second nap. I think I'm just really tired and hungry... even when I'm not chasing after the puppy physically, he is constant motion and need.

---

Sensory joy: laying on a big soft couch with my enormous, clean, sweet-smelling, fluffy shepherd mix as she has happy puppy dreams... while I cuddle a big fat bulldog puppy in "teddy bear" mode and he nuzzles my face with his flat little toothy face and "holds hands" with big fat puppy paws. "I like you human! You give good scratches!"

---

Puppy did great on his first pack walk! He figured out immediately that chewing through that new chain wasn't going to happen and was side by side, butt to butt with my dog the whole time. Perfect gentleman. Totally ignored all other dogs and when he saw My dog ignore cars and just head up driveways there were no more freak outs. He steers like a buick, but walked 3 long blocks perfectly... and had treats side by side with my dog perfectly.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 05/08/2018:
Hang in there! I'm kind of surprised - I thought you might like the change of scenery from your days at home. Alas, I totally get being out of one's routine, away from the comforts of things like Hulu - I get it.

happy-1 on 05/08/2018:
I might just be hungry, tired, and not getting enough exercise. With the recent weightloss I don't feel hunger on the adhd meds and I bet I'm not eating enough because I'm out of my routine. I think I only had 300 calories all day, and that soup was maybe 100... but I binged on chocolate covered blueberries and now I feel fine.


horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2018:
I think i'm going to plan for a shirataki noodle day...saves so many calories! nice job.

have you ever had kelp noodles? they are also very low carb / calories and filling.


bearcountrygg on 05/09/2018:
maybe low blood sugar.

happy-1 on 05/09/2018:
Yeah or just adhd. When I get hungry I lose my car keys and I have checked my blood sugar. Normal range.



happy-1 - Monday May 07, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

i'll repost tomorrow. Need to think about this one.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
Even with the dog and puppy show.....having some time alone to think must be nice....but sometimes...if we are looking backwards instead of forwards....we get stuck...in memories that were not so happy......is there a group around that likes to work with dogs? How about volunteering at an animal shelter? There must be someplace to meet a guy with your interests.

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
I need a job more. It's just I can't look anyone in the eye anymore and tell them I can do a good job.

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
But in general I never meet guys out and about. I just never get hit on or they are married or have a girlfriend.


bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
I see that you are an only child too....( my brother died before I was born)...so I was raised as an only child too......I think that changes the whole dynamics of our childhood.....we were a kid amongst only adults...we didn't have the opportunity to learn the give and take as siblings do. They look at us as mini adults right from birth...we are the only potential caretakers of them when they are old, ( I've done that)...and you are doing that now....if something went wrong...it didn't take long to blame it on us...we were the only scapegoat. I think having an only child is not at all fair to the child....it makes them different in ways that other people can't understand......I think it causes kids to have a hard time understanding other kids. So many times in my entire life...I have wished that I had a brother or sister.... I did have a very good friend.for many years..and I'm happy to hear that you and Molly are friends again.....but there is nothing like having another kid in the house when you are growing up.....and we missed that.


bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
Sometimes we just have to be our own best friend...and boost our own egos...fake it till we make it. You have talent....I believe that you can do more than you think you can.


bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
Maybe just take a job....any job...while you are looking for the job of your dreams.....you never know...you may just find something or someone that clicks.

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
I did... that was the gig I took in October


bearcountrygg on 05/08/2018:
There are many benefits to just taking a daily regular job...as a cashier....in an office...anything...I know that social security is iffy today...and in the future there are no guarantees that it will be there.....but I don't believe that that takes away from the benefit of paying into it.....as someone who is now drawing social security as a monthly income..(since 62)..it will be a necessity most likely for your senior years.....free lancing works as long as you pay into it yourself...but if you don't....then there will be no senior income if you do not have a pension or SS...when you are old....these are the years to pay that.....I can guarantee you that when you hit your 60's...you will want to retire...but with no pension or ss...there will be no money to do that. Even if you have to go flip burgers...you can still look for the type of work you want.


bearcountrygg on 05/08/2018:
I hope I didn't overstep my bounds...I'm talking to you like I talk to my kids......and if D hadn't had such a firm grasp on pensions, social security, insurances...etc...I would have been a babe in the woods myself....even though I watched my Dad go to work every day...no one really explained these things to me...until D did. He worked his butt off for 32 years so that we could retire one day...and he did a supreme job of it. Retirement in old age is dependent on working for the years between 16 and 62....or if possible even less...he was able to get full retirement plus...at 48...so he planned it...and carried it out day by day...went to college at the same time...it was tough...really tough...I went to college and worked as I wished...as an added thing...but we weren't dependent on that. You are still young enough to build up your social security.....you will need that one day....and a daily scheduled job will provide that.


bearcountrygg on 05/08/2018:
I should add that we lived on his pension from the ages of 48 to 62...when the social security also kicked in....so our income went up then. Please give a regular daily job some thought...

happy-1 on 05/08/2018:
Lol. That's all I work. Full time with benefits. Unless all I can get is contracts. I think I am on a recruiter blacklist.


horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2018:
your post must have gotten deleted?

keep on staying happy. BCGG has some good advice above, truthfully!



happy-1 - Sunday May 06, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Day 2 of dog sitting is in the bag. I was exhausted, overslept and then had a rough time and had to separate the dogs and take some private time for myself. There was some kind of altercation while I was in the bathroom, then when I came out the puppy was trying to dominate my dog who was up on the couch and not having it and she barked at him to learn him some manners. I put her in the bathroom most of the day, then him in the crate for 20 min while I went outside. Then I came back in and gave him 1:1 time, before I went in and gave her 1:1 time. Then I went and took a private break... because even having my dog staring at me is stress sometimes. Turns out the puppy we are dog sitting has never spent extended time with another dog and hasn't learned pack dynamics. I took my dog out for a ride in the car and part of a hamburger, then came back and fed the dogs separately, then had pack time in the living room till puppy bedtime at 9. Tonight my dog taught him how to submit and apologize to the pack leader (me). He tried to dominate her because she was on the couch again... So I did the Cesar Milan space blocking thing... When I dominated his space into a corner, she interceded and taught him how to come back and submit. All 62lbs of him shuffled over to our feet and showed us his belly. We then all peacefully shared a couch and watched tv. My dog even nanny dogged the puppy to go out and poop before bed. I tried out his cbd oil treats on my dog after I put him to bed in his crate, and my cranky senior dog flopped over on the bathroom rug totally mellow and chill. I was actually able to bleach my teeth and put on face cream in peace tonight. Maybe I should try that stuff on my dad!

Tomorrow I need to find Internet in the am and then go to the post office. Hopefully I can get it all done in 3h and then head back to chill w the dogs. There's a fitness bootcamp at the bottom of the hill I might check out, but I packed my yoga mat and resistance bands anyway. Had a big shock that my swimsuit is too big for me now!!! Need to take a progress photo.

----

1 - 2 protein ice cream sandwiches. They were too good.

2 - overnight oats. Coffee w coffeemate vanilla creamer. The coffee is too gross without it.

3 - a 4 up and a piece of cheese

4 - 2 diet cokes, some taco chips, salsa, and guac.

5 - a lettuce wrap cheeseburger, shared with my dog.

6 - dark chocolate covered blueberries and cherries.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
Dogs are very interesting....ours respect D as their alpha...me not so much....when he started going to the kennels with me...it took him awhile to get them back into submission...now...no more random barking. Thankfully...D took over ALL dog duties yesterday.....I am happy about that.

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
Augh... a kennel full of dogs that don't see you as alpha???? That must be awful.


bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
HAPPY......they see me as an old softy...the treat lady....they love the attention from me...and bark their fool heads off to get me to come over to them...LOL...D had to come out and look like a boss again...it worked.

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
The puppy tried that this afternoon... heard my voice on the phone in the bedroom and started barking... so I crated him for 5 min. Then we did tricks for treats. I try not to reward bad behavior.



happy-1 - Saturday May 05, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Catchup post for saturday... was wiped from dog sitting. Friday, Justokcupid dude had a no-show no-call, had to cover someone's shift and couldn't make it. Just as well. He wants a small, fluffy, white, yappy dog. Augh! No. Nothing that isn't able to hold it's own with a coyote. Not in California. Even the thought of walking a snack size dog stresses me out. Since he wasn't going to make it out, after DA I went and got a slice of pizza and then hit a new cigar bar. I had fun chatting with the guys there. I made the mistake of calling them sexy grandpas and got **** for it the rest of the night. A guy there wanted to know how old I am and I told him to shove it, more or less. Maybe next time I will bring brownies. I made the mistake of smoking one and it was vile. Two days later I still just want to scrape my mouth, lungs, and pores. Gag.

My DA share freaked everyone out on Friday. I didn't mean it to. The reading was step 5, where you confess the exact sins of your life to another person. One lady said that it was difficult to come up with her sins because she said everything is never her fault she always thinks it's someone else who did something she brought on herself and she had even been ashamed to have people visit her in her home because her place was so shabby compared to what she had had when she was married. I do't remember what oyhers said. I thought about it though and I said... well, I was raised by parents with low self-esteem and when you don't like yourself you are also super critical of other people and tear them down... and when it's your kids it becomes your inner voice... the tape that repeats each time you do anything. My problem is that I think everything is my fault and that I'm this terrible, awful person. That the only way I will be able to come up with a list of my sins is to make a list of people who aren't in my life anymore I wish were still there and figure out how I have wronged them... but that most likely it is that I am toxic... I have all these skills and lots of experience but if I am asked how I can help someone I draw a blank and say I can't help anyone... and that I think that I am a terrible person... and if someone is even a little nice to me I fall apart because I just don't know how to take it... and I went to yhat vision board event and looked through tons of magazines but couldn't find anything I wanted... and thinking all the time that I am terrible and have no direction probably is awful to be around and so my sin is that I am toxic.

You could have heard a pin drop.

---

Not sure what I ate but it was probably mostly on track, except for the broccoli beef (no rice), taco chips, two protein ice creams, too many dark chocolate cherries, whole uncured multigrain frozen pizza, and other bad for me things. I did eat 2 cups of spinach though.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
Personally I think you could hear a pin drop because they were listening...and processing....you reached them. Are you an only child by chance? I am...and I think that makes life even more difficult for a kid....

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
Yes. Only child of an only child with no relatives in the area.



happy-1 - Friday May 04, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

SABOTAGE!!!!! My dad bought waffles, soda, frozen pizza, rolls, salmi, cheese, deli salads... I'll be out of the house for a week and he's going to stuff himself silly. And it's friday so he is on his usual manipulations to get us to all go to Hometown Buffet tonight at 3pm for crappy all you can eat steak. I am going to DA tonight and then meeting a dude off OKC (yes, I reactivated. Better than calling my ex from 4 years ago) so I said no and now he's all moody because he can't say it is for family togetherness it is all about him eating till he has to be rolled out to the car. This morning I woke up to the gut-twisting smell of fresh white rolls being toasted with mayo, eggs, salami and cheese and I just lost my mind and ate two of his waffles. UGH!!!!

---

Also, I changed my goal weight to 206 because that is where I want to be by Dec. It feels more realistic if I see there are 19.5 lbs to go instead of 45+ pounds to go.

---

Primping and preening like a girly girl instead of ignoring it today since I have a coffee date. I swear a woman would be president by now if we didn't have to do makeup, hair, jewelry, clothes and all the other crap. I put in earrings, blew dry my hair, trimmed my bangs, mani/pedied, tweezed/shaved things, makeuped, and otherwise conformed to normative social standards. I may even put on a dress and acoutremon.

I am still fat, wrinkled, and scarred on my legs, hands and feet. My skin is super vampire pale. I have under eye bags and stretch marks. My beer belly isn't any more toned than it was when I started my 60 day challenge because I fell off when my iphone got fd up. I also haven't been johnny on the spot at night with the scar treatments, eye cream, skin creams, or teeth whitening.

Looking forward to getting back on track while dog sitting this week. I will start scoring myself again.

I think I am going to save my cash rewards for sticking to my health plan for under eye surgery and laser hair removal. I don't want fake boobs. There's no way that would work out well for the zombie apocalypse.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/04/2018:
Have fun tonight...

happy-1 on 05/06/2018:
Ty! I did.


Maria7 on 05/04/2018:
You are an amazing person and you have a great ability to write.

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
Aaaaw ty. Sometimes I feel like my posts are downers compared to others. Flattered that you think they are good. What do you like about them?


Donkey on 05/04/2018:
^What Maria said - I LOVE reading your entries :-)

Adjusting your goal is a wonderful idea. I've thought about doing that for the weight tracker here on DD but probably won't. BUT -- that doesn't mean I can't relate, because I DO use the weight tracker on my FitBit and the goal I have on there now is unrealistic, I'm afraid. I'm just not sure WHAT my goals are any more.... which is probably why I'm stuck!

My point is that a goal is supposed to help, not overwhelm. I think you're doing great!


Donkey on 05/04/2018:
Oh, and I hope you have a good time on your date :-)


Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2018:
good idea with weight goal to break it down into shorter-term goals!

happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
Exactly. I don't have to sweat it all. Just a steady half a pound a week for the next 2 years.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2018:
little by little, happy, things take time as i'm learning, again!



happy-1 - Thursday May 03, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

236.5 and steady. Aaargh. Going to have to kick it up a notch this week. After I eat this mini pizza. And clean up the patio. Going back to dog sitting on Saturday. Weirdly cranky today, and all week really. I am getting a lot done though.

----

1 - 2 eggs, 2 links, sweet potato, butter, syrup

2 - a couple of bites of burned mini pizza. Karma for swiping my mom's last mini pizza.

3 - cauli rice and turkey patty

4 - lentil soup

5 - protein brownie smothered in protein ice cream. I will succeed

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/03/2018:
Turkey patty sounds really good...I need some of those.

happy-1 on 05/03/2018:
I made turkey salisbury steak with almond meal instead of breadcrumbs. It simmered in mushroom gravy so it's really soft and tender. Even freezes well.

happy-1 on 05/03/2018:
I made turkey salisbury steak with almond meal instead of breadcrumbs. It simmered in mushroom gravy so it's really soft and tender. Even freezes well.


bearcountrygg on 05/04/2018:
Sounds good...I have some almond meal in the freezer and didn't know what to do with it....should up the protein content too!!

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
Yeah, almond meal also makes a good "breading" on pork chops and "crumbs" on top of cauliflower and cheese (thin out the cheese sauce with butternut squash)


horn_of_plenty on 05/04/2018:
i totally want to make more cauli rice! did you make it yourself? or buy it made???

and what about the protein brownie??? the good thing about protein sweets is that instead of only sugar and fat, they do have that protein in them making them more satisfying :)

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
This new probiotic vanilla protein powder I got at costco is amazing. I don't have to add any sugar to anything I make or bake with it and everything feels like it has more fat in it. I make them myself and then put a couple of spoonfuls of smart cow or halo ice cream on top. Cacao is a superfood, On my plan I'm allowed 1 serving of 80%!or better dark chocolate a day, so I have it as chips in my brownie with walnuts. The batter is protein powder, sweet potato, coconut oil, maca, flax (instead of egg), instant coffee, and a little birchbenders pancake mix to absorb moisture. I top with shredded coconut to make the coconut oil in the brownie "taste" right. The shredded coconut makes it super filling. Poops for days!

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
I bought the cauli rice frozen to make meal prep easier. I'm just trying to avoid eating out and if things are in trays ready to go it is easier to stay on track.


horn_of_plenty on 05/04/2018:
i think in NYC homeless people are not in the libraries, usually. ok...that's a big difference between CA and NY!

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
Yeah... I think the internet there is usable too, last time I visited.


Maria7 on 05/04/2018:
Hope you have a good day. :-)

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
Hugs! Ty!


horn_of_plenty on 05/04/2018:
yes, i do think we probably have free internet in our NYC area libraries!



happy-1 - Wednesday May 02, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Ok... now on to Wednesday's post. I was up too late watching tv with my mom, so I woke up too late at 10am, even though I tried to be up with my alarm at 5:30. Aaargh. According to my fitness challenge, I've been off-track for at least 3 weeks. What a waste of life and time. I can't believe something as simple as needing to fix my iphone has taken 3 weeks of health activities away from me... and I still haven't resolved the photos thing! Aaargh.

Tried to make strides back by at least putting meals for today into a smaller cooler I can take with me. I deeply wish I had 15 reusable 3 cup ziploc bags, but that will have to wait till I am working because they are expensive.

Today, I will timebox 3 hours for finishing cleaning up the living room, dining room, and patio so I come back to a clean house. Then I will stop whatever I am doing to go to the cigar bar and work on personal papers till 11pm since I will be up anyway.

----

1 - sugary coffee packet and plain coffee packet

2 - 2 eggs, 2 chicken sausage links. I should go have 2 cups of broccoli too but not feeling it.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/02/2018:
Never been to a cigar bar....never smoked a cigar..

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
You aren't missing anything... but it's the only place I have found where there are no kids or obnoxious ladies, good free wifi, comfortable seating, and I can stay on track for my nutrition plan. The one by me also doesn't serve booze, and has water bottles for $1. I do get a cigar but I can just smoke part of it and nurse it for several hours. I can bring a couple of protein bars and work steadily without getting over-caffinated like at Starbucks. You can even order food in.


graindart on 05/02/2018:
I'm not a fan of smoke, but know some that enjoy it. It's not the smell that really gets to me, but rather the way it irritates and dries out my eyes and nose passages.

Planning meals is definitely one of the most effective things for keeping myself on track. If I've already got something prepped, I'm not as tempted to just grab something while I'm driving around.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
I hear you on the smoke irritants. I can't handle cigarette or pot smoke but somehow cigar smoke doesn't bug me. Plus the place is super well ventilated so there's no cloud or wafting. You can see it draw up straight like there's an invisible chimney. Plus they have the UFC fights.

I'm so disappointed in fast food lately I actually prefer pulling something out of my cooler now. I have a bunch of spare/misc camping utensils from my years of replacing gear in mess kits so I don't even have to wash stuff in between.


Donkey on 05/02/2018:
Love the smell of a good cigar :-)

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
Yeah, with a little whiff of old spice and whiskey... right cougar mom?


horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2018:
WOW, so at the cigar bar you work while they smoke!?..sounds like an interesting place :) i didn't know you smoked.

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
I don't. I buy a cigar to give to molly so I am not a jerk for not buying anything and then bottled water for myself. I will smoke part of mollys on occasion and then remember why I don't smoke.


horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2018:
oh, i am wondering - why not go to work in the nearby libraries???

at mine, i could probably even eat there and not get in trouble lol...

i have so many libraries by me, i'd probably end up switching off between them.

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
Libraries in CA have too many homeless people and terrible internet


horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2018:
great idea to put the shirataki noodles in ramen seasoning! :) same for miso.

i used to eat shirataki but then they leave be very bloated and impacted for like 2-3 days after i have them...so i find i cannot eat them and work...and even if i eat them on the weekend, but monday things may not have time to sort out :(

anyways, i'm Sooooo in the mood for thai...haven't had good Thai food in MONTHS!

happy-1 on 05/04/2018:
Yum. I love thai beef salad. I really love the noodles and eggrolls but I am trying to not eat simple carbs. I swear I am going to buy a dog, name it Simple Carbs and tell people I did not eat Simple Carbs today.



happy-1 - Tuesday May 01, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Quick catchup post for Tuesday. Was super out of it yesterday plus procrastinating on signing the new lease on my storage unit... just couldn't get my head around signing it... so I procrastinated by straightening up all the stuff that got out of order when I went through the first aid stuff. I also went through my toiletries and tossed some for hazmat collection, organized others, and set some little free gift with cosmetic purchase treats I'd been saving aside for the nice female soldier who responded to one of my 2 easter "any female soldier (preferred), guy ok" care packages (only because I'd like a pen pal and I have really nothing to say to some 18yo dude but a female soldier would be fun to correspond with, and I was certain to say that although I am single, I hadn't met the right guy yet so she'd know I'm straight and not get any hopes about a new gf back home). She sounds super young, has cats, a husband and an infant stepson (hopes for some of her own), and works help desk at her base in I think Afghanistan. She says she likes going camping and looks forward to starting that up when she gets home and her son is old enough. I really liked her letter and was so inspired that when I went shopping at Daiso (they always seen to have good solutions for organizing and cheap), I picked up some cat-themed school supplies (pouch, decor tape, pens, and bookmarks). I'll look for some cat-themed cards and stamps to go with them when I go to Dollar Tree this week.

I don't do much shopping right now, but I needed a Mother's Day gift for my mom since I'm not planning on going out much while dog sitting next week. I got her a nice lounge nightgown in navy with discreet pink flamingos. It took several stores and two malls to find one that isn't hideous and I got over 15,000 steps in! Unfortunately I also did this in heeled sandals and have a giant blister on my heel. Ow!!!! Out of second skin patches so I guess I go back out again to shop some more. At least I can say I got a workout in!

Food today was off-plan. I had 1.5 jack's supreme pizzas. I didn't eat enough protein and vegetBles, mostly because I haven't packed up meals for the week... I don't have enough cooler space for the tupperware. I have to do it Saturday when I get to dog sitting and pack meals when I get there as I take stuff out of the cooler.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/02/2018:
I'm sure your soldier friend will love the things you send....

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
Yeah! Good on Donkey for inspiring me!



happy-1 - Monday Apr 30, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Way off on diet. Way off on sleep. Need to re-center.

Got into a friction with my mom because she was out watching tv with me and she put a greasy paper plate from her rotisserie chicken and coleslaw on top of my $4000 laptop and homework and I ****ed about it because she is never careful about my work bag and sits on it and breaks things and my bluetooth headphones are cracked and none of the ports on the right side of my laptop work. I was saying that if I had done that with any of her stuff it would be all out war, and she kicked me. It was a nudge but I did a light kick back and said don't kick me. She kicked back harder and it was clear that it was going to escalate and I said stop. This isn't funny. This is really upsetting. No kicking, no hitting, no whacking me with things. No angry touching of any kind. I don't like that and it escalates. I find this very upsetting and I need to leave now and go someplace else for a while until I feel better. I am too upset right now and I can't deal. She said why does this upset you? I said we've talked about this before and if you don't understand why, that's even more upsetting. (She got into violent all out fist fights with her mom and although she didn't do it when I was a kid, now that I am back in the house as an adult she gets physical. I'm worried she will fall or hurt herself and then I'll get charged with elder abuse.) I couldn't be in the house without it escalating, but I'm not dressed to go anywhere... in old trail shorts with the hem falling out that are pilling and a tank top... so I just came out to the driveway and am sitting in my car till I feel better.

I think I have a new policy that anything I can't wear in public also goes into the bag of old clothes and I always need to be dressed to leave the house. Too bad. This is really comfortable for chores.

----

1 - nutrigrain bar, sugary instant coffee

2 - 1/3 porkchop, 1/2 sweet potato

3 - 1/3 porkchop, 1/2 sweet potato

4 - nutrigrain bar, sugary instant coffee

5 - part of a rotissserie chicken, coleslaw

6 - mini pizza

7 - two blueberry waffles and a kellog quiche with butter and syrup.

8 - chicken ramen

Geez I pigged out today.

Several cups of water wit mio stevia punch flavor

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/01/2018:
yes, if you can sleep more you'll eventually eat less :) for me, when i can be up less hours, it's easier to eat less than if i have to be up early and go to bed late and just get hungrier because i'm just awake for so many hours.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
Plus lack of sleep screws with how your body processes blood sugar and food. The less sleep you get the hungrier you will be.


horn_of_plenty on 05/01/2018:
sorry about the fight, good idea to take a breather and get away for a bit in your car at least.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
Yeah. It wasn't a fight but I could tell it would turn into one so I just bailed out to give it a breather.


bearcountrygg on 05/01/2018:
The fight sounds like it could escalate quickly...not a good way of life at all. Better to avoid that kind of encounter completely.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
Yeah. That's what I figure. Someone needs to be the adult and set and enforce boundaries. I feel like a "no angry touch" rule is reasonable. I don't think it makes me a wuss or weak because "I'm not tough enough to take it." Or that my mom is tougher than me because she got into full on chick fights with her mom. Tough comes in a lot of different forms. I had my fill of fights in school. I've taken self defense classes. I don't need to let my mom kick me to prove I'm tough.


Donkey on 05/01/2018:
I'm so sorry this happened with your mom (((hugs))) You were absolutely right to call her out on that though.

I liked your lesson about being dressed to be able to step out of the house at any time. I tend to hold onto clothes that are ripped, stained, ill-fitting -- just because they are in my comfort zone.

Forgive and forget about the food. Not too bad except maybe for the 8 ramen. Is that your comfort food? It is for my daughter, so I get it 100%.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
Lol - no that was my 8th meal... i only had one chicken ramen packet! I went to a japanese market and picked up some shiritaki noodles and miso packets so I can make ramen that is compliant with my nutrition plan. I love chicken ramen. It really helps me sleep.

I called her out on it because it's super weird that she's started it up the past couple of years out of nowhere. I don't want it to develop into anything more than it is now. Dementia will suck.



happy-1 - Monday Apr 30, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Stayed up till 4am last night but finished going through my first aid supplies, figuring out what I need to add, and repacking. I still need to work on it now, but at least I have a small base camp first aid hit I can grab and go with. Still need to add some stuff and Staggered out of bed at 7:30 but at least I got up on time to start reworking back to my schedule. Grrr! Get after it!

Today I should... grab my laptop and go to starbucks. I got nothing done most of last week or this past weekend. Super behind.

Dog is acting normal, just super tired. I think. She ate, she poops... no vet needed yet I think.

----

Someone needs to explain dogs for me. She wouldn't eat her glucosamine treats so I popped them down her little throat... she gets all stiff when she skips them... and now she's my best friend again and ate the chicken and sweet potato dinner I made that she's been turning down for days. Dogs. So weird.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/30/2018:
glad your dog is okay too! :)

you are always so organized with the first aid supplies!

happy-1 on 04/30/2018:
Ty! I am not actually, but I am trying


bearcountrygg on 04/30/2018:
Dog sounds fine and just happy to be home...

happy-1 on 04/30/2018:
Pretty much. Little does she know she has to go back!


bearcountrygg on 04/30/2018:
Don't tell her......shhhhh



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