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happy-1 - Friday Feb 25, 2022
Weight: 240.3

Friday Feb 25, 2022 7:56am:

Success. Simple, quiet success of a cracked pattern. I finally figured out how to break the pattern. I have so much hope, I've been crying for an hour (and just missed my yoga class). 

I've been struggling with why any movement and activity impacts my REM. This week I did 2 yoga classes, then a 3rd on the same day I had to take my dad to the doctor, and of course got into a fight with him because he's in a rebellion cycle. Normally this would wreck me for 3 days then I'd take a month or more to cycle through it while posting sad blog entries here. Instead, I cycled through it in 24 hours.

Here's what I did:

  • Mon - Yoga for the first time in a while. No other major efforts. Accidentally drove up sugar because I ran out of my groceries. Conserved body battery as much as possible.
  • Tues - Yoga, 3 errands, caregiver group. Made an effort to get groceries that control my sugar. Conserved body battery as much as possible.
  • Wed - Yoga. Dad health drama in the AM. Conserved body battery as much as possible between yoga and taking him to the doctor, walked instead of sitting and waiting when he blocked me from being in the appointment, then conserved again after I got home. Accidentally drove up sugar overnight because I swapped my lunch which has beans with my dinner which is low carb because I thought I'd need the carbs to be able to sleep.
  • Thursday - Because I didn't wear myself all the way down to 5 (lowest BB was 7) on Wed, I did get just enough REM to not have a major deficit, even though my sugar spiked overnight. Woke up exhausted with low body battery (36), so I skipped AM yoga and beans at lunch, conserved body battery all day as a total rest day like if I had the flu, followed instructions in a "How to starve a narcissist" article for dealing with my dad and defused a drama cycle, did restorative yoga at 5, fell asleep a little late at 10pm... but worth it.
  • Friday - Up on time, more or less. A little sluggish because the total rest yielded almost an extra hour of REM sleep... which I needed, but creates chemical sluggishness in the brain, so hard to get started... plus I am emotionally overwhelmed at finally cracking the code and all the hope.


Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/25/2022:
Inch by inch

horn_of_plenty on 02/26/2022:
that's great progress; to not have it take as long as in the past to recharge! that's def going to help you develop stronger habits in the positive direction.

happy-1 on 02/27/2022:
Omg. Right? Hugs

Donkey on 02/26/2022:
Wow, I'm really impressed! I hope that discovering how to reset quicker will become an established habit -? I'm not sure I'm expressing myself correctly. I mean that if you were able to "crack the code" it could help you in the future a lot. That's the hope anyways.

happy-1 on 02/27/2022:
Exactly. Find the size of the envelope, the “edge” I can push without having a setback, then work on expanding it until I am back on my feet again.

happy-1 on 02/27/2022:
Exactly. Find the size of the envelope, the “edge” I can push without having a setback, then work on expanding it until I am back on my feet again.

happy-1 - Thursday Feb 24, 2022
Weight: 240.3

Thursday, 2-24-22, 7:30 am:

Dealing with caregiver dislike, rage, anger, and resentment this morning so profound I can literally feel it's toxicity emanating from my body. I need to release it somehow, work through it, not let it burn me out. I'm so angry I've been up since 5:30am and I haven't started my day yet because I can't stop seething. Yoga would help, but I'm too tired and hungry. Eating window doesn't start till 9am. Every inch of my body is worn out and "done"... and I have another dad high effort day tomorrow. 

Even so... Some small success... The experiment of “if I just lie in bed on a dad doctor day, other than for yoga, walks, and dad duty… will I pace myself better and avoid burnout?” sort of worked. I still burned out yesterday and am super tired this morning (no yoga… haven’t even made coffee yet), it took an extra hour to fall asleep but I got to sleep in my window, REM was a little light but not a disaster, sugar spiked overnight from eating too late (was so tired I ate too close to bedtime) but I can get it back on track if I am careful today and suck it up to do a restorative yoga class tonight. So maybe it worked?



Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/24/2022:
Inch by inch.

Jacky82020 on 02/24/2022:
You talking about your dad’s caregiver? I’ve always heard some bad people there, low pay etc.

horn_of_plenty on 02/24/2022:
being a caretaker, for an elderly man, i imagine is quite a HUGE challenge. sending you many hugs and strength xoxo.

Donkey on 02/25/2022:
(((hugs))) Take care of yourself, first and foremost.

happy-1 - Wednesday Feb 23, 2022
Weight: 240.3

Wed 2-23-22, 6:37am:

Fell asleep on time and got enough REM last night. Look at all this beautiful, stable sleep. All I had to do was stop moving around or doing chores at 2pm for a week. I pushed it a little yesterday. I picked up dad's prescription and went to one grocery store at 10am when I realized it would be my only chance this week, and that not having keto crackers as a bedtime snack option was pushing me towards oranges and saltines. Just one orange. Just 4 saltines. Enough to raise my sugar and knock 20 points off my Garmin Body Battery. It's such a tiny thing... a bag of keto crackers (that are ok but not so good they trigger moresies) to dip into at night. Except lower overnight sugar means an easier time falling asleep, better sleep quality, and more energy in the morning.


2 days of yoga classes in a row. Going for a 3rd. 15 min to get ready. Ugh. Been up for hours!!!!

Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/23/2022:
Figuring it out is key!

Jacky82020 on 02/23/2022:
Can you predict your glucose level based upon your diet? I could pretty much, so stopped taking it.

horn_of_plenty on 02/23/2022:
in order to sleep, i always reach for just a little carbs...not too much, like you say...

i'm glad you are having a good day and feeling accomplished! <3

also, i'm so glad you had a good day Monday too! :)

Donkey on 02/24/2022:
Last night, my body battery was down to 12/100. I don't ever see the batter get recharged during the day.

Very interesting about your activities and sleep. I'm with Bear, figuring it out is key.

happy-1 - Monday Feb 21, 2022
Weight: 240.3

Mon 2-21-22 9:32 AM:

VICTORY!!! Goshdarn VICTORY!!!

Who’s got two thumbs, lost a pound, got enough REM, high Body Battery, in range overnight sugar, stuck to her fasting window, ignored dad drama during AM meds window (he lied about taking his meds last night), and did ALL of her 7am power flow yoga class (with modifications, but didn’t have to stop)?) Experiment last week was to stop moving around/doing chores at 2pm after I did the circadian timing for one of the challenge participants… caught that my recovery window starts at 2 in the winter, figured hey… maybe I just need to not move in that window to get sleep right now… I’m just THAT worn out… Got it right at random… Sometimes rest, not pushing is what makes a breakthrough.

Unwinding the Moderna fatigue and weight gain. I'm down to my weight from September 2021.


Progress as of today: 76.7 lbs lost so far, only 80.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/21/2022:
Inch by inch.

bearcountrygg on 02/21/2022:
Happy for your breakthrough Happy!!!

Maria7 on 02/21/2022:
You have lost 10 pounds in about 2 months!!! I am so HAPPY for you!!! Happy Dance! Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!

Donkey on 02/22/2022:
Wonderful day!!!!! Yes, GO YOU!!!

I always forget to check my body battery first thing in the morning. I'm on autopilot to get dressed, get coffee, get moving. I'd be very interested to see how much I recharge overnight.

Donkey on 02/22/2022:
PS Absolutely NOTHING wrong with doing modifications in yoga. Please do not discount your achievement.

happy-1 - Saturday Feb 19, 2022
Weight: 241.0

Sat 2-19-22 10:50 AM

OMG. I am so tired. Like a bus hit me. Only 11am and I just want to crawl back into bed and wake up next week. 

  • Still waiting for the 3 bad nights of sleep to drop off my 7 day average. Right now, I have 4 days of almost enough REM and 3 days of nowhere near enough REM. No REM rebound, probably because I have been going for walks and doing chores until 2pm. I'm tempted to not go for a walk today and see if I get 2h of REM tonight, but I suspect that would delay recovery overall.
  • If I don't walk, my sugar will go back up and then I also don't get anything done because of brain fog.
  • Home nurse discharged dad yesterday. He's bummed and rebelling against taing his meds on time. Last night was a struggle. This morning was a full out screaming and yelling fight. He's just determined to be difficult.
  • Yesterday the ADHD coach was a no show... because she has ADHD.
  • I need to get my calendar together. 
  • There's so much paperwork to do.
  • I want a hug, but I'd have to drive to get one. Not enough sleep.
  • I'm out of cat litter. $20 to have equine pine pellets delivered. If I can't drive tomorrow, I will do it.

The only solution I can see is to figure out what day I raised the head of my bed, then correlate REM with active minutes that day and what time they stopped going up.

Pushing through today looks like doing neck and knee PT, getting one 30 minute walk, finishing laundry, figuring out something for my dad to eat that he can have. He has to chill on his favorites the next 3 days and take extra lasix for the healthy heart clinic.

I'm so tired.

--- 1pm update... 

Neighbors had a break in yesterday... while we were home. We heard nothing.

Progress as of today: 76 lbs lost so far, only 81 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 02/19/2022:
Sending you a hug today!

happy-1 on 02/21/2022:
Ty I needed it

horn_of_plenty on 02/19/2022:
I'm also sending you a ug.

Sorry sleep is not your friend lately and that you feel tired. i can tell you have this on your mind a lot. wishing you sleep so you can rest your mind on the sleep issues and be able to do the other things you like to do :)

horn_of_plenty on 02/19/2022:
glad you weren't affected by the break-in! scary!

happy-1 on 02/19/2022:
I feel badly for our neighbors

bearcountrygg on 02/19/2022:
A neighbors break in sure is scary. Is worrying about not sleeping keeping you awake?

happy-1 on 02/19/2022:
No. I sleep on schedule, 8h. I just still don’t get enough REM.

horn_of_plenty on 02/20/2022:
yeah, that sux completely about a break-in!!! my gosh!

Donkey on 02/20/2022:
It's a tough spot, not getting enough quality sleep (REM) to be able to function. I'm sorry you're struggling with this.

Wow, that break-in would have me startled for sure, maybe uneasy. Is everyone OK? Did they take much?

Just another thing to add to the Worry List. Count me in as one of those sending you hugs today.

happy-1 on 02/21/2022:
Yeah, I feel validated that I remove all valuables with me when we both go out. My dad has been telling me I’m nuts. I’ve been telling him Project Room Key changed our neighborhood… they bused in homeless and housed them in motels a few blocks away.

happy-1 - Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Weight: 241.0

Thursday 2/7/22 6:36 am:

Experimenting with not doing chores or walks after 2pm to see if I can manage to go for a 30-45 min walk in the morning without ruining my REM. Mixed results. Sugar is better. REM came back, VO2 Max went up 1 point. Last night I lost my last REM cycle though which I don't understand.



No more nurses coming to the house for a while. Dad is so much better they took him off palliative care.

Progress as of today: 76 lbs lost so far, only 81 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/17/2022:
Actually if i think about it I moved in my sleep and slept funny

Jacky82020 on 02/17/2022:
Isn’t 100 as good as it gets?

Mind if I ask why your dad was on palliative care? Is that the same as hospice, as in terminal patients. When my MIL was in assisted living, she requested hospice because she observed hospice patients getting more attention. Here’s the kicker. They admitted her. As always, follow the dollar. She didn’t need hospice

happy-1 on 02/17/2022:
That's actually a really good idea... He was on palliative care for congestive heart failure, wound care, leg and foot issues. I've been fighting him on diet and things got better... But maybe asking for hospice would help. It would definitely be a more accurate picture of the situation because he refuses to do PT. Would have to see an elder care attorney if they say no.

Jacky82020 on 02/17/2022:
I think they can deny services if someone has more than 6 months left, which is how they defined terminal at the time. The MIL was not terminal, guess they had room in the program. Understand Medicare pays big bucks for hospice, so she got in.

Donkey on 02/18/2022:
It's worth at least exploring to see if hospice is an option. I never would have thought of that.

So walking in the morning affects your REM that night? Oh my then I must be really sunk because I go for 1-2 walks a day.

happy-1 on 02/18/2022:
Right? I doubt he will qualify. Apparently all they say he needs help with is dressing and chores.

I doubt you are "sunk". I think it is based on whatever your activity level is and your cardiovascular health. Moderna wrecked me. I am hoping if I really watch my Active minutes, 7 day training load, and recovery time alerts/ bank... I can demystify it a little.

happy-1 - Monday Feb 14, 2022
Weight: 241.0

Mon 2/14/21 9am

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

I will be celebrating quietly at home today because I am really fing wiped. Why? 7 day training load. Feeling better, did some walks, a few extra chores... and killed my REM.


But hey, it makes a perfect graphic for challenge content and explaining why 7 day training load is the mystery factor in sleep quality for ADHD and sparing others my multi year nightmare. Yay me! Valentine's day gift from God. A sign from the universe I am on the right track.

 Plus I lost weight. Back down to Jan 18 weight of 241. Loss is next corner.


Progress as of today: 76 lbs lost so far, only 81 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/14/2022:
Inch by inch

bearcountrygg on 02/14/2022:
Yeah...Lost weight!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/14/2022:
Losing weight is always a plus; maybe from both better sleep and more fitness! it's good you are getting used to and seeing how you can adapt your lifestyle with better sleep...i'm sure it's going to take some experimenting on your part. nice you track it all.

Donkey on 02/15/2022:
This is a wonderful post!!!

Jacky82020 on 02/15/2022:
I see a lot of blue! Looks good.

happy-1 - Sunday Feb 13, 2022
Weight: 243.1

Sunday 2/13/22 2:28am:

Had a successful Day 3 of feeling better yesterday. I actually got out and had a haircut and washed my car. Did chores and made dad dinner... his favorite fried chicken. Garmin told me to stop moving at 5:30... recovery time delayed... But I took out trash and kept moving till 7... exactly what I am supposed to do per OT... so why did I fall asleep at 8 and wake up 3h later? Why can't I get back to sleep? 



Progress as of today: 73.9 lbs lost so far, only 83.1 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/13/2022:
So tired

happy-1 on 02/13/2022:
9:23 am... eating breakfast and trying to figure out how to adjust my day. I actually feel pretty good, just super tired from not enough sleep. I'm so tired that even trying to write challenge content is too much to think about. Mostly what I want to do is clean up the back patio, but that might not be such a great idea if I want better sleep tonight.

I got back to sleep at about 3am... but Garmin didn't record it. I tried editing the chart times and accidentally completely messed it up.

bearcountrygg on 02/13/2022:
But you did get a lot done....so that was good.....look at your successes...

happy-1 on 02/14/2022:
Inch by inch. Ty for your support!

Donkey on 02/13/2022:
Bear is right! You did get quite a bit done - YAY you!!!

My Garmin doesn't tell me to stop moving, that I'm aware of. In fact, I get a lot of notifications to get up and move and stretch, even if my body battery is low. That's weird.

happy-1 on 02/13/2022:
Because the one you have doesn't have the same features I do. For you to get the recovery alerts, you would have to have the Forerunner 245 or Fenix 6... The recovery time alerts and 7 day training load are what I am currently utilizing to identify the last mystery on my shifting sleep patterns.

Donkey on 02/13/2022:
When I go to bed too early (which for me is 9pm or before), I usually wake up around 1:30am ready to go! Not just awake but really awake and ready to take on the day!!! And it's the devil of a time to get back to sleep when that happens.

Horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2022:
I like what Donkey had to say right above. Everyday with sleep isn't always predictable. I'm just glad you got used to your cpap and that your sleep is better...but perhaps you still need time to work it out even more...

you sound like you did good. nice job continuing to be active and taking out trash despite Garmin telling you otherwise. I am sure it is ok, your extra movement :) xoxo

happy-1 - Friday Feb 11, 2022
Weight: 243.1

Friday 2/11/22 1:56pm

2nd day of feeling better. Had enough energy to get up and go to the post office today. Still really tired so that was it. Was going to do Instacart but the app isn't working right at all. It's actually easier to just rest one more day, then go to the store tomorrow on my way home from my haircut.

Every inch of me is tired. I barely did anything. I did at least get out of bed and move to the camp cot. I'm not even interested in junk food. I just want a full body massage and a day at a Korean spa... 

Progress as of today: 73.9 lbs lost so far, only 83.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/11/2022:
I think we all have tired days....

happy-1 on 02/11/2022:
Yeah... I think it might be freeze response though... Normally I get a good 3-4 hours in before I wake up my dad. Right now I am off schedule... something about sleeping more threw off my body clock, then it got thrown off again when I had to push dad for medication reminders at night. Tomorrow will hopefully be my first day back on a 5am wakeup schedule.

happy-1 on 02/11/2022:
I think it might be freeze response because I wake up ok, help him, and then I just freeze in place. I'm not doing much of anything... I just need to rest. I don't feel like that if I wake up before him and get my morning to myself.

Bright outlook though. 2.5 years in he's finally willing to move to a 7am/7pm med schedule so I can poke him and push him at 6 and get him to take them by 7, the start of my stimulant meds wearing off, wind down time, and too close to my 8:30 in bed time.

Jacky82020 on 02/11/2022:
Bear’s right about that. Glad you had 2 good days & many more to come.

I never understood Instacart. Do you order items from a specific store & someone shops & delivers? How much does that cost? Don’t think Walmart participates because they do their own home delivery in certain areas. They are forever after me to subscribe, but I like doing the pickup & stepping inside sometimes. But Instacart sounds very convenient.

happy-1 on 02/11/2022:
Convenient but expensive. Yes you order stuff from a store via the app and someone shops and delivers. They mark up the price of the groceries, the sales aren't the same, and there are tips and surcharges.

I've been doing more and wearing myself out since I have been getting more sleep but not enough energy to turn around and do PT so I can go back to running (I guess this is why CPAP takes 6 months for benefits) it seemed like of all the options for assistance the easiest thing to farm out... A housekeeper to deep clean would be $200... An extra $20 on dad's groceries seems cheaper and at least I get some movement in. I still go to the grocery store for myself, but my dad really goes through the junk food so the only way to limit it is to only buy it on a 1x a week schedule. It sticks me going to a large, crowded store... more COVID exposure... so I'm getting his junk food delivered from Ralphs and then still going 2x a month for myself and the household stuff during senior high/risk shopping hours at the Mexican market where stuff is cheaper and I can walk there and back.

Jacky82020 on 02/11/2022:
That sucks, them adding surcharges!

I didn’t know CPAP took 6 months. I thought the point was to get better sleep & seems the benefit would be immediate. All I’ve heard is many people are unable to adjust and give up. At least you’re following through, so that’s huge.

I don’t mind entering a store once a week or so. I’m double vaxxed and boosted and wear N95 masks, sometimes two. Very difficult to breathe with 2, but don’t wear them long. Probably I should use a cheap paper mask on top of the N95 instead of another N95.

Hear you’ve been having some very warm weather, if I remember correctly. You’re in LA, right? They’re predicting the hottest Super Bowl on record.

Donkey on 02/12/2022:
That's true about the 6-month period for the CPAP benefits to really show through.

I see that you need your YOU time before you start dealing with dad. I think that's what I've been doing with my early morning exercising. Hmmm...

Horn_of_plenty on 02/12/2022:
i totally hear you on feeling tired. sometimes rest is just what the dr ordered! :)

happy-1 - Thursday Feb 10, 2022
Weight: 243.1

 Thursday 2/10/22 10am

Ok, I feel better. Maybe it wasn't depression? Just total exhaustion?Body Battery is still crazy low.

Progress as of today: 73.9 lbs lost so far, only 83.1 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 02/10/2022:
Inch by inch

legcramps on 02/10/2022:
Glad you are feeling better

bearcountrygg on 02/11/2022:
Good you are feeling better now.

Donkey on 02/11/2022:
Lately my body battery has been registering quite low as well. I mean like 20/100 at around 4pm. What's up with that???

I am glad you are feeling better. Seize the day!

happy-1 on 02/11/2022:
Sounds like stressful days?

Maria7 on 02/11/2022:
Yayyy! Happy that you are feeling better. How is Dad today?

happy-1 on 02/11/2022:
He feels great! He wants me to do a ton of stuff. I want to rest.

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