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happy-1 - Sunday Oct 04, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

Keep keeping on.

I was actually in bed asleep by 9:45pm without ANY Lunesta last night. Then the cat woke me up at 1:36 AM yowling his fat little head off. I heard a crash and a bang and went out to check. It was my dad washing dishes. He woke the cat up so the cat woke me up. I wanted to die. Or murder. Or both. Couldn't get back to sleep. Supposed to stay out of bed if I am not trying to go to sleep or asleep, and if I am not asleep in 20 minutes I'm supposed to get out of bed and do a relaxing activity. So that meant fights all night long with dad over where the ketchup was (I tossed it because it had potassium chloride which reacts with his meds), a burner he turned on and forgot about and swears it was me (could have been), and that he complains about bugs but won't clean his desk or let anyone clean it for him (gross).

I gave up. I stayed up. So I am up, but a zombie from the Walking Dead.

Super tired, but working on the floor anyway. Just doing a small patch, taking a break, repeat. I committed to having all the old viny scraped off by tomorrow morning. I will make that happen as much as I can. Too bad Mom's sander died. I took it apart and can't get it back together. Sure hope Mom didn't see that. Actually, she probably did. And she's furious with me.

Is the sander now in heaven with her? She was really fond of it.

Onwards and upwards.

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/05/2020:
Sorry your dad is such a pain in the butt! Families can be so difficult.

thinkpositive on 10/05/2020:
Sounds like a nightmare! Not sure your floor activity was a relaxing activity.:)

bearcountrygg on 10/05/2020:
Sorry you got woken up! Meditation might work...OHMMMM.

Donkey on 10/05/2020:
Oh I would have been *furious*! Don't nobody interrupt my sleep! (Husband has learned this the hard way, and yet, it's a lesson that he continues to re-learn from time to time.)

Maria7 on 10/05/2020:
Hope you are having a good day today.

legcramps on 10/05/2020:
I would have ROARED at both the cat and my Dad for waking me up at that hour of the night!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/05/2020:
sorry about being woken up in the middle of the night...that hardly happens around my place ;)

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 03, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

One more day in the bag. Still bouncing back from 2 days of not enough sleep. So tired. Was supposed to work on prepping the floor but I am so tired I just fall over and sweat.


Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

coffee&calories on 10/04/2020:
I just wanted to comment about your story with the water filter yesterday. I understand very much and know how you feel, it's so relatable to me. Hugs xoxo

happy-1 on 10/04/2020:
Hugs. TY. Because you have a water filter your relative will only bother to change over your dead body?

happy-1 on 10/04/2020:
Hugs... I should say I'm kidding. Augh. I miss my mom. What's your version of the water filter story?

Donkey on 10/04/2020:
Coffee's observation = tears in my eyes (((hugs)))

Floor prep is so hard to do, even if one is not already tired. I hope that you can restore your sleep, so that you feel re-energized. Lack of sleep is really quite accumulative.

Maria7 on 10/04/2020:
Hope you are getting caught up on your sleep.

coffee&calories on 10/05/2020:
Happy, haha, I like your sense of humour. Not a specific story that comes to mind for me, but my dad died one year ago this month and there are lots of times I find myself thinking of all the things I should’ve done...now all too late.

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 03, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

Not enough sleep last night. Didn't wear my Garmin enough yesterday to know how much REM sleep I got.

Hit the exhaustion wall about 4pm and just disintegrated in front of the handyman. Had just written down his hours for invoicing, and then I couldn't find the paper I had written it down on, but I was holding it. I just wasn't processing. Then I couldn't find my laptop to use PayPal. Then I had to pay him back for home depot with cash, but was so spacey it took forever. Like a blue screen of death for my brain. I hope I didn't scare him off.

After he left... Couldn't think through putting the shower head back together or reassmbling dad's shower bench. Barely got my dog inside for the night (I have to clean and reassemble her puppy hospice fort in my bedroom every night) and feed the pets. Everything took 10 tries. My dad wanted to tell me a story about his dog growing up and I cut him off. Not a shining moment. All I could think about was that the leftover paint was drying up and I could still hit the eyesore mailboxes I've been looking at everyday. I sat out there painting whatever I could with the leftover white paint... The two mailboxes, and 3 wire plant stands with the pvc coating flaking off that my mom had. None of which look great, but at least I feel better.

$380 bought me a lot of repairs the landlord should have done. A caulked bathroom with paint on any surface that can't be wiped down with a clorox wipe. A weather-beaten, disintegrating door painted to keep it going one more year while I either get us out or fight the landlord. A cover over a giant hole under the sink and another by the tub that were letting in rats. Rescreened a door for flies.

$130 bought a couple of extras... A rod over the sink for hanging a towel for drying hands my dad asks for at least once a week. A flashlight, fire extinguisher, and fire blanket that were getting lost in the clutter are now hung for easy access in an emergency. An outlet by the sink now has a safe way to connect the coffee maker. An outlet by curtains now has a properly grounded 3 prong converter. The outlet behind the fridge is sealed for bugs. The washer is leveled and will stop banging. The filter for the fridge has been changed and now I know how.

A few projects that didn't work out. I learned a lot and can tackle them next. 

Somehow I ate on track through all of it. 10,500 steps. 1,494 intensity minutes for the week, way over the 630 mark for my goal. 5000 calories burned. Burnout point.

The thing that just gutted me and has had me crying all night is that when we went to change the water filter for the fridge, we couldn't figure it out. He said it wouldn't work, I insisted my mom was really good at this stuff and she wouldn't have bought a case of water filters that weren't the right ones. I pulled out the case and there was a little ziplock bag of wrenches, plumbers tape, and a note from 2002 about what additional hardware we would need... and it helped us figure out how to do it. He showed me how it worked and that I should turn off the water in 2 places then when I turn it back on to release the pressure at the sink first so that the filter won't leak.

She'd been after me for 17 years to change the water filter and I finally did it more than a year after she was dead.


Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

KathyBlue on 10/03/2020:
I have a Polar watch and I don't wear it at night. It also shows some stats about sleeping habits but unfortunately my skin doesn't really like it for long periods, especially nights. I get rashes and itching after a while, due to sweat and reaction to the silicone + sweat combination. Being emotional or having bad days happens to everyone. Don't be upset about it. With me it happens more often when I'm exhausted or I around that time of the month... But then, good days also follow and the bad ones get forgotten. :) Cheer up!

happy-1 on 10/04/2020:
You can get a cotton or nylon watch band and swap it out. I did that, but I put the silicone one back on for hygiene and hand washing during COVID

innerpeace on 10/03/2020:
That is A LOT! I get exhausted just readying your posts. You are so amazing and such a wonderful person doing your best to take care of your dad. I admire you so much. I would be writing letters to my landlord every week. I hope you can find time for yourself this weekend.

happy-1 on 10/04/2020:
Many good points in this. I'm kind of stuck on pushing the landlord for repairs because there is still so much of the hoard left to clean up. I need to clean up our side of things before I can go after him with teeth. Getting real familiar with all the codes for our city and county and taking lots of photos of all the violations.

Donkey on 10/03/2020:
You really do get a lot accomplished in your days. It may not feel like it or seem like it to you, but from what I read, you do a lot.

My Fitbit lately has not been tracking my sleep well. So I go to bed at 9:35pm, for example, but it says that I didn't sleep until 12:03am. Well, I was *somewhere* after 9:35pm, so either I'm being abducted by aliens during the night, or the Fitbit isn't tracking accurately. Food for thought.

happy-1 on 10/04/2020:
Fitbit was nowhere near as good as my Garmin. World of difference... and may have saved me from a nervous breakdown because I was sure headed that way till I found out it was the Lunesta.

Maria7 on 10/03/2020:
Sounds like you got a LOT accomplished.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/03/2020:
Perhaps the handyman was too good looking and he was distracting you ;)

you paid a little for a LOT! i commend you on all of these fixes you did around the house. it's got to feel GOOD!

happy-1 - Thursday Oct 01, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

1 hour 20 min REM sleep. Cutting Lunesta another 1/4 heled, clearly.

Another day of nonstop go from the minute I opened my eyes this morning to when I finally sat down to eat. This is my first minute to just pause and it is 9:30pm. Time for bed... Even though the handyman is coming back tomorrow and there is tons to do. I should clean up the debris out front, put the trashcans out, wash my dog, move everything out of the dining room so we can shampoos the carpets, get the wood fixtures off the bathroom wall for painting, mask and tape the trim, work on getting more of the linoleum up off the kitchen floor.

Except it is my bedtime and I am wiped out. I shouldn't even be on my phone right now typing this. But gotta unhok and give it up to God somehow, right?

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 10/02/2020:
You are amazing! You do more work at home, than I do at the office all day. I hope you can find time for yourself this weekend.

Donkey on 10/02/2020:
Wow! You are my hero. I hope that with your activity level, working to the point of exhaustion, that you're sleeping consistently better too.

horn_of_plenty on 10/02/2020:
Nice job I am SURE you got a ton done :) tomorrow is a new day !

happy-1 - Thursday Oct 01, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

1 hour REM sleep.

Two work-until-I-can't stand-up-any-more days. Everything hurts. Even my arches hurt and I can't feel my butt.

Making headway on my 26 page handyman list.

Tuesday was getting ready for the handyman. The caregiver and I cleaned up all the funk so that it wouldn't be a horror show. Then I did something I haven't done in I don't know how long. I ran an errand after dark. Felt pretty good, so I went to a second store. Pretty happy about that.

Wednesday (today) was the handyman. OMG. So many little aggravations taken care of. The best part isn't that he can help me modify a handicap shower bench for my dad. He silicone caulked our bathroom so it feels just a little cleaner. If I can get my dad out for an errand, I can take a bath without wanting to throw myself in front of a bus.

Maybe... I want a new bath towel and bath robe to feel pretty.

The guy was fun. He saw all the cat damage and asked if we still had the cat (yes, the cat gets to play the dead mom card and then asks me to rub his feet) and didn't point out that I kept saying Montezuma's Revenge instead of Indiane Jones and the Temple of Doom in reference to the horror under our kitchen sink.

So many successes today. Will have to write them down tomorrow.

One foot in front of the other, inch by inch.

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/01/2020:
See, you did good!

I have difficulty going out after dark. It may sound like not a big deal to some folks, but for me, that is huge.

LOL on your handyman and his sense of humor :-D Glad you got those things taken care of. Doesn't that feel good too? Even if you're so tired and achy... It's nice to see a house come together.

legcramps on 10/01/2020:
I understand the after dark thing. I had an evening meeting on Tuesday and by the time I left work it was already dark out. It was kind of nice walking out into the parking lot while it was empty - although I'm not sure I'd want to do that all the time.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/01/2020:
lately, many of us here are talking about not wanting to do errands after dark (donkey mentioned it and so did BCBG!). usually my errands are before dark, too!

happy-1 - Tuesday Sep 29, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

Inch by inch. One foot in front of the other. Working my way back up.

Garmin didn't track my sleep data (damn tech glitch), but I think I got good REM sleep because I feel better. That would be 3 out of the past 4 nights. Such a difference. I got up, dealt with dad tantrums, made a to do list, ran 2 errands on the same trip, did the critical things I needed to do to get ready for the handyman on wednesday, came home, did chores till I got past the hardest parts. Sucked up the evening "hit the wall" burnout crying I wanted to do and washed dishes and fed the pets.10pm and doing one more chore till 11, then giving up for the day. 

I did my best today. I did everything I could. I did not sit down when I needed to be working. I kept pushing.

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/29/2020:
Your best is all you can do. It's all any of us can do.

happy-1 on 10/07/2020:
Hugs. You would know. You always seem to do so.

Jacky82020 on 09/29/2020:
The Fitbit never did all that great tracking my sleep. Said I was sleeping while in bed watching TV. Turned the function off. Keep it around my ankle and it’s a bit uncomfortable nights, worse on my wrist. The burned calories function is way off too. All I find useful are the steps, which are mostly bike peddling.

Donkey on 09/29/2020:
My Fitbit sometimes flakes out with tracking sleep. This week especially. I wonder if it's starting to die.

Sounds like a successful day that you can be proud of. Victorious!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/29/2020:
the brand Enlightened (ice cream) has come out with mini keto cheesecakes! was that the brand you will using for cheesecake?

i might have to try these bc they sound....too good to be true!

legcramps on 09/29/2020:
Your best is exactly all you need to be doing :)

happy-1 - Sunday Sep 27, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

2 nights of REM sleep. Not in a row, but still an improvement. It's amazing what a difference it makes. I had one day of nearly none in between them, so human, crying mess, human.

The secret recipe for REM sleep the first night was too much keto cheesecake, watching hulu till 3am and passing out on the couch.

Tried to repeat next night with zero success.

The recipe for too much sleep the second night was no am coffee, giving up on productivity for the day at 7:30, and giving it to God,  not start cleaning up for the night till I was at my crying exhaustion point, changing all my sheets, locking the cat in the bathroom (pest), waiting till I had actually stayed off my phone and all devices for an hour before taking sleep meds, cutting the Lunesta down to half (poison), taking them right as I got into bed, and. Putting on the deep sleep soundtrack that the Ex-ish tracked down and sent me as a gift on iTunes. 


In the interest of improving REM sleep, and to celebrate success... Idid a little shopping.1) Sleep bras from H&M, I just can't breathe at night in sports bras... and weirdly, it's almost a 4-8% improvement in sleep pulse oximeter readings if I go without, regardless of REM sleep numbers. 2) Real pajamas from SHEIN so I stop trying to sleep in my ripped and stained chore clothes and change the subliminal message to my brain that it isn't time to go to sleep yet. Apparently this is a thing and the therapist instructed me to do it way back when. I don't have any pajamas. I lost 100lbs and these aren't something I bought yet. I have seen them as too big an expense right now when I am not working... But REM sleep is essential and anything to help make that happen has to happen. Besides, it is almost my birthday, I get one splurge, and this way they will be here in time.

I have to get more REM sleep. My poor dad. Last night he asked me if we could get a phot of my mom he really liked enlarged and framed, and I started crying. Not because I miss my mom, but because the task seemed SO HARD I couldn't see how I would ever get it done. He got upset and apologized for asking... I said, no it is a totally reasonable request. I'm just so tired I can't do it. We won't go into the sad things I said after. I was too tired.


  • 2 nights of real REM sleep
  • Doing dishes 3 days in a row
  • Braving icking up my prescriptions 
  • Feeling connected to my guy
  • Getting my dog to eat 2x in a row same day


  • Not enough REM but a little reserve meant I tried to do too much, couldn't do it, got frustrated
  • Didn't get the dog walked in time and she pooped her bed at bedtime
  • Had to wait till exhaustion point to go to bed, so I was out in the kitchen doing chores after I shouldn't be talking to my dad because I don't say the right things when I am exhausted. 

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/27/2020:
I do not understand women who sleep in bras. I'm sorry. My daughter does it. I just do not get it. I cannot wait to get mine off at the end of the day. Oh the relief.

Having said that, I do agree with treating yourself to some nice sleepwear - bras, jammies, etc. - to help you achieve optimal sleep.

That's very interesting that what worked the 1 night didn't work again. I guess I should say that's unfortunate, because it would be nice to have a formula that you could go to that you knew would work. I would encourage you to keep looking for patterns that work for you. Sleep is everything.

happy-1 on 09/27/2020:
I sleep in one because I have been through earthquakes, floods, and fires and I can't sleep unless I feel dressed enough to jump out of bed and run out if I have to. I also have to have closed toed shoes, mask, and a flashlight under my bed or it is a no go.

innerpeace on 09/27/2020:
OMG...I never have trouble sleeping, but if special sleep clothes enhances it, I may have to get me some PJs too. i just sleep in shorts and Tshirts.

happy-1 on 09/27/2020:
You would look super cute in these... https://us.shein.com/Plus-Tie-Dye-Tee-With-Knot-Pants-PJ-Set-p-1552564-cat-1938.html

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
so...what's the benefit of a sleep bra? tell more!

happy-1 on 09/27/2020:
Well... There's a bunch of reasons not to wear a bra to bed... But I don't enjoy it. The feeling of movement as I shift will wake me up. I used to just wear old, stretched out sports bras but therapist and OT said only wear things to sleep that are specifically reserved for sleep... so light support.

3 for 15 put them in my price range. https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0898439001.html

Why not to wear a bra https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/magazine-10-important-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-wear-a-bra-to-bed/

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
I'm going to check out that link for sleep bras when I'm on my laptop.

I also see (now) your need to feel prepared in case of an earthquake. That hasn't occurred to me. Perhaps there is an underlying feeling of vulnerability when you go to sleep... like surrendering yourself.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/28/2020:
very interesting, i'll read up on those two links.

happy-1 - Friday Sep 25, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

Good Morning!

Who's got two thumbs and had a full night of REM sleep?

Who is ready to take on a wreckage of staggering proportions?


Not as brave as this chick, but diving in nonetheless.


 'Without Hesitation,' Pregnant Woman Takes on Shark 

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 09/25/2020:
Today has nothing on you!

grannyannie on 09/25/2020:
Yes, just keep going!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/25/2020:
many thumbs up!

Donkey on 09/25/2020:
You ROCK!!!

happy-1 - Thursday Sep 24, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

Tucking in for the night. Cross another day off on the calendar. I have done all I can and if it was not my best, it was still my best for today.


  • I got an hour of REM sleep. REM rebound effect but I will take it.
  • I found on demand liability insurance for the handyman, I made a prioritized list of everything with photos.
  • i worked on my project plan with the pro organizer. I think it will take a few rounds before she "gets it". She's a hierarchical thinker not a systematic thinker.
  • i did a therapy session. I dunno what it was supposed to do, but we made a list of everything I find stressing. Mostly it is too many demads for cognitive bandwidth at the same time. A Vegas casino. The cat yowling in my face, escaping my room while I am trying to settle down for the night.
  • I ate on plan


  • Sleep deprivation 
  • Headache
  • PMS
  • Out of keto cheesecake
  • Dog pooped her bed as I was getting to bed
  • Cat wanted more chicken and was a pain in the ass till he got it


  • Dad is lonely and neglected 
  • I should have walked my dog and pet her.
  • i didn't see Matt
  • I didn't do anything fun

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/25/2020:
Sorry your day and your sleep wasn't better. Hope things are better today.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/25/2020:
I like reading that you feel you have done your best today. it's gratifying when you realize you did what you could and that you can call the day a success, happy for you!

where'd you get this keto cheesecake? did you order it? (it is easy to make if you find the time....)

even though you got a lot done, maybe you didn't have the socialization you wanted. but, you progressed and got a lot done. seems that's the cost sometimes of success! the give and take of life, huh!?

Donkey on 09/25/2020:
I think you came out ahead, weighing the pluses and minuses.

happy-1 - Wednesday Sep 23, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

Discovery... Keto cheesecake is satisfying enough that I don't buy frozen pizza... or at least I put it back before checking out.

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/24/2020:
Good for you putting it back!

happy-1 on 09/24/2020:

Donkey on 09/24/2020:
Hey, whatever works, use it! I can see why that would work. All that cheese - YUM!

happy-1 on 09/24/2020:
Omg. It was so much better than regular cheesecake because it was barely sweet. I didn’t fall off the wagon for 2 days

innerpeace on 09/24/2020:
Glad to see you today!

happy-1 on 09/24/2020:
Hugs! Same here!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2020:
that sounds AMAZING! jealous jealous.

i have, last year or so, made keto pumpkin cheesecake and it was DELICIOUS!

happy-1 on 09/24/2020:
I don’t even like cheesecake normally. This was heaven.

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