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happy-1 - Sunday Sep 04, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sun 9-4-22 7:30pm:

Is the deal with husbands and boyfriends that they are just endlessly frustrating??? Because the man that gave me **** about all this cooking being too much work just polished off half the giant pot of jambalaya I made... that was supposed to last me all week. 

At least my sleep is coming back on track... possibly because I accidentally didn't take blood pressure medication this week because I was grabbing my AM stack from the wrong ziploc bag. Ooops. Also, I accidentally only took half my adhd meds for the same reason and period of time which may explain why I've been struggling to get anything done for days.

Taking blood pressure in the morning. Sigh.

I was slightly productive today in that I packed meds and supplements and cooked. I also had critical conversations with Bobcat. I attribute this to all the sleep and the right dose of ADHD meds. Tomorrow I will do more. Unfortunately I slept 11 hours because my alarm did not go off and I didn'r wake up til 9.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/04/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 09/05/2022:
11pm. Insomnia. Overslept and took meds late, paying the toll. Sigh.

Jacky82020 on 09/05/2022:
I keep all my meds in different neon colored vials, came as a set from Amazon . They could be used for spices & lots of things. All my life pharmacy amber med vials have depressed me, signs of old age & sickness. Dying friends and family had them all over the place.

Your bf makes me appreciate my husband more at times! Matt would never criticize a dirty dish. He’d rewash it & not say a word & he has never had a word to say about my cooking & food prep. We are both very easy going & don’t sweat trivia. That’s the not so subtle secret to long happy relationships. Oops, no pun intended. Seriously. lol

happy-1 on 09/05/2022:
Right???? That’s why he got the upgrade to husband!

Donkey on 09/05/2022:
I do sometimes wonder if men aren't from Mars. Not just my Husband but also the men I work with seem -- like they are from another planet many times.

I've been married for 26 years, plus a year of dating, and I'm STILL learning how to handle him.

I'm sorry that your meds take such a toll on your sleep. Any way to reconcile that? :-(

happy-1 on 09/05/2022:
Not taking the meds???

I dunno. Losing weight? Already trying that. Not really working.

happy-1 - Saturday Sep 03, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sat 9-3-22 10:30am:

Had zero energy yesterday. Headed that way today. 2 am Bobcat kept his head on his own pillow, but his legs migrated into my back. I picked up his legs and pulled them back over to his side of the bed. He woke up for a second and curled up in my last few inches of space so I gave up and went to my cot. 2 hours later I fell back asleep.


I don't know why bill pay on Friday just killed all my motivation. I just feel flat and down. I took a rest day yesterday, my REM is up... and I'm just flat. 

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
8am woke up. Late… but got all my sleep. Missed pt and a walk.

9 Regrouped and ate breakfast on time.

Watched TV with Bobcat.

11 - Regrouped at task time with making beds, clearing dishes, changed my shirt. Still feeling flat.

11:45 tried to go pick up death certificate but only made it a few blocks and had to turn around and come home to use the facilities (Saturday is impossible in my area… I wasn’t going to get a parking spot in time). Emotions about that task plus ALL the keto versions of foods I had yesterday came due. Lesson learned… one keto pizza a week max… And start splitting it into 2 servings. Don’t top it off with 4 keto tortillas, followed by pumpkin flax porridge in the morning. And definitely don’t do that 2 days in a row.

1pm regrouping for lunch.

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
1pm - Ate healthy lunch. Tuna salad.

Lost energy after that and watched tv. I just feel flat. Bobcat did my dishes to be nice to me. I cried.

4pm Tried to rally and make Jambalaya for dinner. Need to use stuff up. The kitchen is hot and I couldn’t deal with flies Bobcat let in. Remembered I need to use a $20 credit before Instacart expires. Costco chicken sounds great right now.

Jacky82020 on 09/03/2022:
Maybe you can put some bills on autopay? I resisted that for years, but finally put the credit cards on it. I am able to pay in full every month, but I forgot a few times & got stuck with like $35 fees. I need to check with the utility companies re autopay. I know some charge a 3% surcharge for using a CC. I need to see if a debit card linked to my checking account would eliminate that 3%. I pay all the bills electronically through the checking account.

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
Yeah, just don’t want overdraft fees.

Donkey on 09/03/2022:
I am all too familiar - recently - with that level of fatigue. I say throw money at it and get the Costco chicken.

I don't think I ever had that problem with keto. I had the opposite problem. I'm guessing the pumpkin flax porridge pushed your system over the edge (out the door? lol).

happy-1 on 09/04/2022:
Yeah won’t go into details but I feel fantastic today. I could only face protein shakes for breakfast and lunch.

happy-1 - Friday Sep 02, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Fri 9-2-21 10am:

Switched to a half-size travel pillow last night and slept peacefully next to Bobcat. It wasn't big enough for him to try to migrate onto. Where does a 6'4" MMA coach sleep? Anywhere he wants to. Good luck getting your pillow back. The travel pillow was actually more comfy than my fancy chiropractor pillow. Also, Mama Cat didn't fight me for the center of it. The chiro pillow is shaped like an ideal cat bed.

Way over on calories yesterday, typical for a sleep deprivation day. I always go over and cancel out all the negative calories I had from previous days.

Taking it a little easy today. I got a ton of REM rebound and I will be a little foggy till it wears off. No PT or walk.

Got gas and took Bobcat on an errand.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/02/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 09/02/2022:
11:30 tried coworking, but threw in the towel almost immediately. I’m just too worn out. I should check my entries and see what day I started doing stuff again last week. Sunday? Monday? I know last Friday I overdid it on the patio even though I was tired and couldn’t do anything Saturday. Not a bad idea to just rest today. Get another night of quality sleep under my belt.

Jacky82020 on 09/02/2022:
Glad you got REM rebound, assuming that’s a positive thing. I’m hearing California has some of the highest gas prices in the nation & it varies greatly among locations. I still need Matt to figure out how much we will be saving by switching from a gas fueled vehicle to electric. I have heard it’s a significant savings, not to mention environmental concerns. The Chevy Volt dealer will give us trade on our old car, but we’re not sure how much. They said the appraiser can tell us, but the inspection would take half an hour. We didn’t want to spend another half hour there.

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:

legcramps on 09/02/2022:
I use a "travel" pillow when I go backcountry hiking, and it's annoying as hell. But I can see if your partner is a pillow thief, why you might want to try something that is as tiny as it gets ;)

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
It’s an auto travel pillow so it’s about the size and shape of a ream of paper. I use it to pad my lap desk when I cross my legs while writing mostly. Super comfortable.

SomeFineDay on 09/02/2022:
Oh my, your boyfriend is a big man!

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
And weirdly flexible. He folds up compactly.

Donkey on 09/03/2022:
I hear you. With sleep scores in the low 50's this whole week, I've really felt the fatigue. I get sufficient REM, but my stress levels are consistently poor. While I sleep. Stressed out while I sleep. Now what to do about that.

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
6-10mg Glycine, BCAAs. Zinc+Niacin but I need to look up the form of Niacin. Also this article was super helpful. https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/supplements-and-drugs-that-reduce-or-prevent-pem-post-exertional-malaise.48438/

horn_of_plenty on 09/03/2022:
sounds like the pillows are working out for everyone?!

also, enjoy your nice, relaxed day. same over here...mostly no big priorities, just doing my thing!

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
Relaxing is good!

horn_of_plenty on 09/03/2022:
re your below entry sorry the cat cuddles caused you to miss PT...lol, the cuddles can be addictive ;)

happy-1 on 09/03/2022:
There’s this hypnotic quality to the cat cuddles… how can I get up and do **** when she’s being sooo cuddly? So many purrs..

happy-1 - Thursday Sep 01, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Thurs 9-1-22 8:15am...

Slept on the cot last night. Light on REM. Body Battery was high enough so I think it was that my head wasn't raised and I drank a bottle of water before bed and got up in the middle of the night to pee.

Up on time at 6:30.

Cat cuddles ran over and I missed PT.

Did get my walk in on time, but only did 20 min because there are no public bathrooms in my area anymore.

I could take my shower now but it was a short walk and I am ready to eat something. 

Bobcat says not to cook. It's too much work without a dishwasher. That's fine for him... He can eat anything, any where he wants, and any time. We got into it... He clarified "like this" and gestured at all my prep bowls. How else do you separate chopped veggies and stages?

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
9am eating planned breakfast on time. Tofu scramble, 1 piece keto toast, 1 veggie patty

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Did planning on time at 9:30 am, spilled into the whole time till 11 because I did meal planning and entered all the calories and balanced them for my needs. But it’s done. Just can’t order because Bobcat won’t say how many days he is here for so I don’t know how many dinners to plan for. Which he says not to cook anyway… but I have all this food to use up.

11-1 actually finally tackled bill pay. Tackling that made it all finally hit home. I don't belong to anyone anymore. I’m an “orphan”. I didn’t ever build a family… I just couldn’t ever make anything work.

And all I can do to fix that is stay on schedule.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
I guess I belong to Bobcat, sort of.

Motivates me to eat a salad. Do better every day until I am through.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Did my planned errands 2:30:4pm. Missing papers for dad’s taxes that I need to find. Stopped at a store for keto pizza and ice cream so I can eat my feelings. Also so that I don’t have to cook and save body battery to sleep.

Ate dinner mostly on time at 4:50. A whole Quest supreme pizza.

5:15 Body battery at 23 and quitting for the day. I have bowls for the ice cream chilling in the freezer.

Jacky82020 on 09/01/2022:
Whaaat? He says not to cook? Does he order out or get take home food? Or he is a raw vegan dude? What is a tofu scrabble? I was once in a tofu era, many moons ago.

I will post a pic of the boots from France. Liked them so much I bought a second identical pair. Forget the company name, but they really were in France. So many people from China and other places try to lie about their actual location. Very common on eBay. But if you search around the truth emerges.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
He’s a stoic, spartan, MMA coach that lives on cans of sardines, packages of Indian food, and instant mashed potatoes. He is heading back to vegan. He eats a lot of Starbucks and fast food. Sometimes an entire pizza hut pizza.

Plus he didn’t grow up in a household that cooks every night. Neither did I, but it is one of the things I changed to improve my health.

That’s all fine, but I’ve got to be careful with packaged foods and sodium plus carbs aren’t an option. Pizza take out isn’t an option. If I ate his pattern I’d be eating palak paneer, Indian eggplant, tuna, and chicken. Canned chili no beans. It’s doable but I don’t think I’d feel ok with all the salt and no broccoli/spinach/greens.

Donkey on 09/02/2022:
My body battery was at 13 when I pulled into the driveway after work. And 7 by the time I turned off the light at 9:45p.

happy-1 on 09/02/2022:
That low by the time I get into bed will screw up my sleep. If I don’t let it drop below 20 by in-bed time and it stops dropping in bed at 12 before it starts going up again, my sleep quality is a lot better.

happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 31, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Wed 8-31-22 9:40am:

(12:23 edit... Garmin updated and I didn't get enough REM ugh)

Bobcat tried to share my pillow again. Why my pillow? It's the same pillow! I bought two of them? At 2:30am I just gave up and went and set up the camp cot in Dad's bedroom and passed out. Garmin says that's when I got all my REM... so maybe Bobcat is shifting in the bed and disrupting my REM cycles??? Hmmm... He's like a heat seeking missile... no matter where he starts out he ends up right next to me and the last two times actually onto my pillow. I don't know if a bigger bed would help unless it came with an electric fence. When Mama Cat was waking me up in the middle of the night I just picked her up and put her in the bathroom till she learned not to. Can't exactly do that with him. We had a very nice morning until he started pointing out a dish I didn't properly wash. Then he walked in on me in the bathroom. There's no lock on the door because I didn't want dad to get stuck. Now he is cranky and avoiding me.

Meal planning is on day 3. I did ok with it in that I made meals I planned and updated the plan so it would show the meals I made on the days I made them. I made a chicken chorizo sausage and eggplant stir fry last night and it was to die for.


I used Boars Head Chicken Chorizo sausage I impulse bought and stuck in the freezer months ago. Working through supplies on hand so there is less to pack or toss when the time comes. Sigh. I also played dad's favorite songs while I made dinner. I miss him.

I ended up eating extra last night and I need to figure out the total calorie count and how much over I was. My planned dessert was a keto peanut butter cup, but I was just too hungry and I'm trying to eat within my fasting window.., so I added extra calories in the form of 6 mini keto cookies, 1/2 cup keto cereal, and 1/2 cup peanuts. I didn't finish my bottle of seltzer. The first time Bobcat woke me up I had a piece of string cheese. The second time he woke me up I had cottage cheese and more peanuts. I also added monkfruit sweetner to my tea this morning which affects hydration because I was craving a treat. I should have had a protein shake. Just wasn't thinking clearly first thing.

Bobcat offered to bring his vegan cookbooks over. I said cool. We can figure that out. I should have asked if that meant he would be cooking them.

Today's project is bill pay and paperwork. I've been trying to do bill pay for 3 days now. I might be getting close enough to enough sleep to pull it off. The magic minimum number on 7 day average REM for my brain to work and focus on paperwork is 1:25 and I am super close...

I redid all my Alexa reminders and routines yesterday for a later bedtime and more rest breaks than I had when Dad was here... and I still can't pull them off. The first one last night was resetting for tomorrow at 6pm. The next was turning off screens and devices at 8pm and winding down before bed. I did end up going to bed at 9pm anyway because I was tired. This morning I slept in till 8 instead of 6:30 because I was up in the middle of the night switching beds. That meant I missed checking blood sugar, blood pressure, and weight. I also missed my PT routine and a walk. I ate on time but I was so frazzled afterwards I regrouped by posting here. I guess I regroup and get back on schedule at 11 when coworking stats.

Maybe while I wait for 11am... I will change my Alexa routines and reminders to play on all devices so no matter what room I am in I will hear them. Bobcat will HATE that, lol.


Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/31/2022:
Inch by inch!

happy-1 on 08/31/2022:
Alexa reminders updated. Calories logged to Eat This Much. I was up around 3000 calories with midnight snacks last night. Ugh.

10:45am. Alexa just told me to take a break :-) I can do that.

happy-1 on 08/31/2022:
11 Started coworking. Really struggled to do anything concrete. Just limping through coworking with half a brain.

12:20pm took a break and checked Garmin sleep stats. This morning it said I had 2h REM rebound, but now it says I have 1:14 which isn’t enough to put me in the zone of paperwork. Ugh. But I can at least get organized for tomorrow and just sleep in here tonight. Finish it in the morning.

happy-1 on 08/31/2022:
1:17pm Taking a break from going through paperwork.On adhd call… people apparently feel like they don’t deserve clean dishes? Is that a thing?

happy-1 on 08/31/2022:
Actually managed to work on paperwork a full 4 hours today, with a break for lunch in the middle. It wasn’t super productive… I spent 3 hours culling paperwork I don’t need anymore to find a lost check register. Then I found it and spent 1 hour making tiny progress towards 3 critical things. Rent, taxes, and legal stuff. I started stressing out while I was doing it because I’m so tired and was struggling so the struggle itself made me anxious.

4:15pm quit more or less on time and started cooking. A super yummy ginger beef stirfry. I liked it. Bobcat ate all of his so I guess he didn’t hate it.

Showered at 6pm (on time).

happy-1 on 08/31/2022:
9pm. In bed on time. Oh the luxury of just going to bed when I am tired.

Jacky82020 on 08/31/2022:
I saw the Shein site. Appears to be located in China and you may have a wait of a few weeks for that sweater. Have you ordered from them before? I saw some cute maxi dresses, great prices, but did not see the fabric. Some reviewer said she looked pregnant until she ironed a cute black one flat. LOL. That suggests it’s cotton and I don’t iron anything. Even if they said polyester, that’s a wide range. Some are nice and others look like shiny crap. I got burned on two kinda hippie tunics and long dresses ordered from China. They looked terrific online, but the polyester was an embarrassment. Never worn, donated. They wanted me to pay $52 to return them. Absurd. The only thing ordered directly from China that worked for me was grow lights. Used them on house plants before the fish tanks usurped their spaces. Let me know how the cardigan looks.

Take a look at my post today re how Google bought Fitbit and is going all Garmin with more sophisticated devices.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
I’ve bought from Shein twice. They do free returns. I wasn’t so happy with the quality on one shirt I bought. Everything else turned out ok... I don’t know why I am so addicted to that site. I look at it every day. I used to browse Pinterest that way but all the recipes triggered food cravings.

I don’t think I will ever be in the Fitbit camp. I don’t like the platform and the data is weird. I am glad it is working for you though!

SomeFineDay on 08/31/2022:
Your chart make my new Fitbit picture look like a little kid drew it with chalk.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Lol… yeah Garmin is more technical…

Donkey on 09/01/2022:
Good job on the sleep. Husband woke me up last night, and I think I was mean to him. I'm very sorry that I was, but I really HATE getting woken up in the middle of the night. When that happens, I often have difficulty getting back to sleep. Fortunately, that didn't happen last night.

He's a very large man, so he takes up more room than I do. I realized this morning, that there can only be 1 large person in the bed, or we have to get a new bed, which I don't want to do. So I'd better put the brakes on this out-of-control thing or this won't work.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Or get a separate bed...

Jacky82020 on 09/01/2022:
The current Fitbit works because I have no interest in anything but steps.

Thanks, I will give Shein a second look.

The only direct offshore purchase I ever really liked were boots from France. They took months to arrive & reeked of mothballs! The seller said that was to keep rats from eating them on the cargo ship, said happens rarely. They said to air them out & it will go away & it did.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Fancy boots from France??? What did they look like?

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 30, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Tues 8-30-22 8:30am:

Second night of quality sleep under my belt. The tide is turning. I just need to keep it chill and not do too much activity today and I should be able to get a third. I kept my BB above burnout ( 11 and 12) the last 2 nights and slept well. Fingers crossed for a third. I stayed in bed an hour this morning and boosted my body battery again so I have a little more of a buffer.

I veered off my meal plan yesterday but not badly. It just wasn't worth cooking last night after errands. I split my lunch in two... just too big a salad for one meal. Luckily I used a coleslaw mix as the base so it held over ok. I bought a keto protein bar for a snack while I was out. I added a keto tortilla pizza to the salad for dinner. I don't remember if I ate a keto peanut butter cup after that. I don't think so. I drank a whole bottle of seltzer though so I did partially rehydrate.

I was looking at fitness vacations online last night. They all seem too advanced for me right now. I asked on the caregiver support forum where you go to get put back together physically after being a caregiver... they responded with mental health resources... I think they missed the point of my question. I need a few weeks on someone else's schedule and structure so that I can get stronger faster.

Splurged on a cardigan last night. It was probably made in a sweatshop in China, but I'm not on a fair trade organic fabric budget right now.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/30/2022:
Inch by inch

Jacky82020 on 08/30/2022:
I love the coleslaw mixes.

What kind of fitness vacation are you looking for, like a spa retreat? Never done that, but as always, google around.

Love cardigans…..so cheap I get them at LL Bean and other places after the first of the year, so I can save green backed dollar bills. Buy coats then too. I decided this year to wear only black coats and got some terrific buys, maybe in March. I donated all my Easter egg colored coats to the Goodwill. For no particular reason, I have taken to buying everything in black. Probably sometime I’ll get tired of black and regret donating the colorful clothing.

happy-1 on 08/30/2022:
I’ve done so many donations as I’ve lost weight, all my current clothes that aren’t chore clothes fit in one bag. I don’t have a cardigan that fits me. I bought this one on Shein… Just a plain oatmeal one that buttons up and belts, no pockets, and isn’t made of wool. I feel terribly guilty for buying on Shein, but they were the only ones with that new and not made of wool or cashmere. I’m pretty sure Lands End is also made in China.

Argyle Knit Belted Button Through Cardigan I discovered amazing products on SHEIN.com, come check them out! https://api-shein.shein.com/h5/sharejump/appsharejump?lan=en&share_type=goods&site=iosshus&localcountry=us¤cy=USD&id=4408776&url_from=GM7287341830532657152

happy-1 on 08/30/2022:
All the coats you donated are a blessing for someone else.

Jacky82020 on 08/31/2022:
I am unfamiliar with Shein, will look. The LL Bean catalog came in the mail yesterday, I get the Land’s End one too. Tossed Bean in the trash. Buy online off season.

I got a Land’s End black coat at Kohl’s in early March. Never saw any on the west coast, a big chain on the east. It’s kinda like Macy’s. Most of the stores, even the Burlington Coat Factory had sent all the coats away by March, but a girl there said Kohl’s had some at rock bottom prices. Did they ever! I came home with 4, different lengths and thicknesses, some for very cold weather & some for milder.

I wasn’t going to get the Land’s End, because even steeply discounted, it cost more than the others. The check out girl said I could get a one day discount pass on everything in the store if I applied for their credit card. So I did, but when I got the Land’s End, she said it was excluded. LOL. So I paid $50 which was still a great value.

Forgot where they are made. Probably China, India, Thailand etc. I am not sure I have anything around here made in the US.

Donkey on 08/31/2022:
I wear a cardigan almost every day at work. Even in the summer - especially in the summer when the Boss has the AC on full blast, but I need to wear light clothing for my hot lunchtime walks.

It feels like you're wearing a hug -- at least that's the feeling I get.

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Yeah… I just need one. I’m 75lbs overweight so I’m wearing 4 sweaters I can’t remove. If I let it go too late in the season again I won’t be able to find one I don’t hate. I’m not really a clothes horse. If it isn’t exactly what I want, I don’t buy it.

horn_of_plenty on 08/31/2022:
i had a big poke bowl salad that came with like 3 servings fish...so i also split that salad up...eating all the actual veggies at once, but splitting the fish over 3 meals :)

happy-1 on 09/01/2022:
Yum. Poke! Delicious!

happy-1 - Monday Aug 29, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Mon 8-29-22 9:45am:

Taking a minute to breathe. I am on track today but having a hard time focusing. I am doing coworking and having a hard time getting onto actually making up my calendar, agenda, and to do list. I just want to go eat, lie down, and have a good cry.

There are many reasons why I am so distracted:

  • I'm fake hungry. Getting rid of all the off-limits food in the house dropped my stress level and blood sugar followed suit... by a whole 50 baseline points. I expected maybe 10??? This is causing fake low glycemia because my body is currently used to it being in the 200s and is telling me I am hungry when I'm not.
  • I'm fake tired. Taking yesterday as a rest day and using it to put a meal plan together was very effective and I got 2h of REM in 8h. That means feeling tired is actually a combination of low 7 day avg REM and REM rebound. It will burn off around 1 or 2 in the afternoon.
  • I'm fake disorganized. My super flexible workspace is too flexible and I have to fight with it whenever I sit down to work in whatever configuration I want it to be in that day.
  • I'm emotionally drained. I woke up at 6, had breakfast at 7:30, therapy at 8am... Which was emotional. I miss my dad. The house is too quiet. It's good to be free of the 24x7 fighting, but there's no Daddy always here and always comforting.
  • I'm catching mistakes I made when I was tired... Tax appt was on the wrong day. Missing doc appts on my calendar for me.
  • Things are slightly disorganized... I moved everything around for the medical equipment pickup and I can't just sit down again and pickup where I left off before my dad died.
  • I could really use a second all day rest day but I can't. I need to pick up my dad's ashes and run errands.
  • I'm getting things done before errands...  The feeling of pressure before I need to do something is exhausting in and of itself.
  • I miss my parents... I thought I would feel their energy more after dad passed but it's just quiet here.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/29/2022:
Inch by inch...

happy-1 on 08/29/2022:
I managed to accomplish: My calendar for this week, my agenda for today, clearing out my to do list, cleaning the kitchen (dishes, counters, floors), 1 load of laundry, changing my watch face, loading my car with things that need to go into the trunk in an organized fashion, a health on-plan lunch, and a 20 minute break.

It doesn't feel like I did that much. But it was better than nothing.

12:30 pm: Taking another break.

happy-1 on 08/29/2022:
Accomplished: Taking dad's emergency alarm button to the post office to return the equipment, checking the mail, picking up dad's ashes, a couple of errands, picking up grocery order and coming home. Ate mostly on plan. Made a lot of mistakes because I am tired.

Meals today were: Tea, tofu scramble with a veggie patty and a piece of toast, DIY Thai almond salad, a keto protein bar, and a toaster oven pizza wrap. Bottle of seltzer.

I planned to make an eggplant chorizo stir fry for dinner, but Bobcat's not here till late and I just didn't have the energy after running errands.

Picking up Dad's ashes was weirdly anti-climactic. He's just here... in a really big box that is surprisingly heavy.

I need to get more battery operated candles tomorrow so I can set up a decent memorial. I didn't buy fancy urns because I want to be able to change the boxes if my taste changes.

6:15pm.. Too tired to plan tomorrow. tempted to go to bed early. Kind of want to vacuum.

happy-1 on 08/29/2022:
9:45 freedom app turned off tv. Past me was so smart. In bed.

Jacky82020 on 08/29/2022:
As time passes, you’ll adjust better to your great loss. You’ll always miss him, but not so acutely.

In my book fake hunger & fatigue is the same as the real thing.

What do you mean by coworking? I always thought that was when people share a common work space and might use the same receptionists or whatever. I’ve read about people doing that when they travel, or simply from a big office complex that is shared by coworkers in completely different businesses.

happy-1 on 08/29/2022:
We get on a Zoom call and run timers for working and for breaks, hold each other accountable for what we say we will do and ask each other why we weren't able to do it. It runs 2h a day and it just helps us ADHDers get focused and bust procrastination.

Jacky82020 on 08/29/2022:
This is a very quirky website. Wrote you a semi-lengthy reply and got logged off DD & the post was gone when I returned now. I will skip the first part and get to the second. More interesting. Read article about ADHD in a medical newsletter I subscribe too. Some home treatment. Briefly skimmed through, not easy to read & it began to sound like voodoo, but i saw it came from JAMA Psychiatry and they would only publish sound peer reviewed studies. I can see if I can post a link if you’re interested.

happy-1 on 08/29/2022:
Sure... always interested in a new article!

SomeFineDay on 08/29/2022:
I am sorry about your dad. You are keeping very busy. That will make tge day go faster. I hope you catch up on your sleep.

happy-1 on 08/29/2022:
Thank you. I am doing what I can, every day.

horn_of_plenty on 08/30/2022:
i will write more, just saying it's ok to be "fake hungry," fake organized...we all fake it until we make it....wishing you strength in regards to your dad's passing.

you are in my thoughts today.

happy-1 on 08/30/2022:
Hugs. TY. Starting with changing my Alexa routines. Made it to 9am without eating... Small victories.

Donkey on 08/30/2022:
I am OFTEN "fake hungry" In fact, I would say that is my major eating problem all along -- I eat instead of addressing what's REALLY bothering me.

The AF provided a very nice wooden urn for Son's ashes. (We had a choice between 2, a wooden one and a metallic one, and we chose the wooden one.) We still have it here at home, as we haven't made any decisions in that regard yet. That's very interesting though about not choosing an urn because your tastes may change. I hadn't considered that, to be honest!

happy-1 on 08/30/2022:
Yeah... I do better in environments where there is NOTHING to distract me. Including memorabilia that is a different style or color than the room vibe. I just know I will be trying to get something done and end up staring at an urn I chose 10 years ago and now hate because it sticks out.

I just went for the plain plastic. There were some great boxes at Home Goods from Tahari I could totally put them in. Right now, mom and all the pets are in one big lidded straw basket. I need a really big one to fit dad in too. I want the holiday flowers, candles and photos to be what stands out, not the urns.

happy-1 - Sunday Aug 28, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sun 8-28-22 8:37am

Really glad I had my friend take all the dad treats last night. Among them were Bobcat treats. Tortilla chips, saltines, pita chips. Salty crunchy stuff there aren't good keto subs for and I would have been face down in the tortilla chips this morning. Another day without enough REM and I need to do bill pay today. Ugh. With what brain power? This is when I make stupid mistakes and lose important things.

I hate waking up tired.

Fasting blood sugar is better... 169. Glad I didn't screw it up with tortilla chips.

I guess I will take today as a complete veg day and see if I wake up with REM tomorrow. Clean up the cpap and see if it helps.

Super tempted to take creatine again for sleep but it's a dicey supplement. Lots of risks.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Doing nothing is the path to more REM and the ability to pull together PT, a walk, and some cardio... But I CAN'T just sit here and do nothing. So I got up and tidied the front door... Tried to make it more functional and made a bigger mess. There's too much that needs to actually go in the trunk of my car. UGH. ThenI tried moving more paperwork into my dad's bedroom so I can dejunk it in a room with AC... and knocked down a shelf in the record cabinet with the vibration... and can't find a rubber mallet to fix it.

10:45am - Taking a break so I don't make a bigger mess.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
12:05pm So much for a break. I spent 1:15 reading DD entries and was shocked and horrified that apparently this little community has been ripped apart by actions of untrained moderators... DD has been so pivotal for me over the years I'm really rocked and shaken that it's all falling apart so fast.

Having 2 keto peanut butter cups to eat my feelings about it.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
1pm. Spent time online looking for a keto meal plan generator. Strongrfastr does what I want, but it is a pain to work with. Eatthismuch may do what I want but I can't be sure.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Ate leftover Thai chicken salad. Then my feelings in the form of 2 keto peanut butter cups.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
6:30pm I finished my meal plan through Friday. I ordered the groceries for pickup that I am missing (a can of diced tomatoes, ginger, etc) that I need to work through what I have in my fridge. I set up a meal plan for 2000 calories a day as a baseline for this week. Of course I'm still hungry... ugh. I burn about 2700 calories most days... so that's a 700 calorie a day deficit... more if I do chores.


Somehow with what I've eaten today I'm right at the 2100 calorie cutoff. I still want a cheese quesadilla, peanuts and cereal but I'm going to try toughing it out on the seltzer. I need to turn this train wreck around.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Caved and ate peanuts and cereal. Figured out how to print. Meal plan is up on the fridge. Dishes are washed.

8:30 in bed. Alarm set. In bed. Tomorrow is another day. I need to s Do a ton but I couldn’t get my head around writing an agenda. Ugh.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
9 just realized my sugar was a ton better today… i didn’t get a single alarm all day. Maybe having all that temptation out of the house dropped my stress level and therefore my sugar level. I will have to check Garmin.

Jacky82020 on 08/28/2022:
Don’t know much about creatine except it’s very popular with body builders. A complete veg day…..maybe I misunderstand. Was thinking you meant eat only veggies at first but now think you mean relaxing. I need both kinds of veg days. LOL

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Vegan on a veg day? Maybe! I try to do 2 vegan meals a day to lower my carbon footprint. I could do more on a veg day, lol.

Jacky82020 on 08/28/2022:
Sounds like a plan!

Donkey on 08/28/2022:
I answered your question on my last entry.

I'm glad to hear that your friend was able to help out with clearing out stuff that you couldn't give away or throw away. I hear ya on that. I did a bit of clearing out this weekend myself. Not a ton, but some, and some is my baseline goal. I'm going to do a little more before today is over.

The protein powder I was using with my morning oatmeal for so long had a bit of creatine in it, and I wonder if that's what triggered my thyroid issue. Granted, it wasn't a lot, like 2g, but still, I do wonder....

My Husband seems to do better after he cleans out his CPAP. He's kind of neglected keeping up with that.

Jacky82020 on 08/28/2022:
You are greatly exaggerating the number of people leaving and underestimating a few new members and others likely to join.

Donkey on 08/29/2022:
I feel that it's not so much the number of people leaving as it is more of WHO is leaving, that makes it seem... emptier. That's my opinion, meh.

legcramps on 08/29/2022:

Jacky82020 on 08/29/2022:
I do especially miss Bear. Hope she returns.

happy-1 - Sunday Aug 28, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sent an email to web master at dietdiaries.com to see if we can do anything to help mentor the kids in how to moderate a community bulletin board that dates back to the 90s and has a substantially different community interaction than the sites they use like Reddit, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, etc. We have an older crowd with mixed online savvy and skills, plus we are basically reading eachother's diaries and commenting, some of us for decades... which builds an intense relationship. We lost InnerPeace, BearCountry, and GrannyAnnie and now we are losing 2 new users AmericanWoman and ChunkyBumpkin. New users are the lifeblood of this community longterm posters are the anchors, and losing them is a big hit.

It sounds like the high school kids are tackling a REALLY BIG JOB as part of class credit and it's impacting our community... To be fair... If this was done by a professional team, this would be handled by multiple trained people.... These kid are basically simultaneously learning how to support the technical side of managing a site (code, integration, releases, security, maintenance)... the highly paid positions and while they are at it they are also moderating as an afterthought... Except that moderating this is similar to the role of a Community Manager... Which is a BIG responsibility and takes a lot of experience. It's also not something easily taught as part of a high school class, I assume on code. This site probably makes zero money and the moderation was thrown in as an afterthought... BUT... Lesson 1 on running a site... It's an online business and without a good community team to keep users using... the code doesn't matter. If this was an online business, everyone would have cancelled their subscriptions and the revenue drop would have been immediately noticed by management and it would be a fire drill with investors, sponsors, and media of the career-ending variety. It's a great way to go from being in line to being acquired by Google to sleeping on your parent's basement couch and planning a second career at 20.

What's a Community Manager? Per Hubspot:

"A community manager acts as the liaison between an organization and its audience. They act as the voice, tone, and moderator of the brand through community support, content distribution, and digital engagement to build brand presence and trust, both online and in-person."

Learn more about Community Management here: https://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/great-community-management-tips

These are kids doing this... so let's be a little patient with them while we wait to hear back from DDwebmaster. Someone was patient with us once while we made mistakes we learned from.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 08/28/2022:
the 2 new members were suspicious from the getgo to me. They joined within seconds of each other & it is highly unusual to get any new members here, much less two in a minute. We did see two people joining together recently, but they were a senior citizen married couple. The husband said he felt forced into it by his wife. LOL. He didn’t last long.

The content of that other pair was inauthentic IMO. As a seasoned prankster I quickly spotted it. I strongly suspect both “characters” are the creations of an existing or banned member. I thought she was simply amusing herself, but I currently think the characters were created to bash the kids. I wish they had continued with the fake personas. It was amusing. Their simultaneous departure supports my theory of this pair. I expect other fake members to emerge. Talk about juvenile antics. Also, bet ya 10 to 1 a reverse image check of the sunflower picture would find it on Google images.

And I bet you never saw the parting shots across the bow by two of the three you reference. I saw one, a real hit job. Bear never did anything mean or inappropriate and I hope she resumes posting. I think she’s standing in solidarity with her pals and miss her.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Yeah I didn't see any of the conflict or parting shots. I can see where it would get highly charged and people would say dumb things. I'm rocked to my core by all the upset here. I am lousy at reading and responding to comments and that is a lesson to me to put more effort into it.

Bear not posting is 100% a disaster and she is right to stand in solidarity with her friends. Augh. I will likely follow suit shortly if this can't get resolved... If Donkey, you, HOP, Bear, Maria, and LegCramps don't post, I'll probably post a couple of times and then drift away. What is compelling is the group energy that keeps me going throughout the day plodding through miserable health habits to maintain and improve through daily struggles. I hate that all this is happening.

Regardless of whether the two new posters were pranksters... the thing about the sunflower pic was that they deleted the image, edited her post with a deletion message, and basically violated her postings by adding content under her name that she didn't add. That is a HUGE no no. The right way to do it would have been to remove the copyrighted content and then comment as DDwebmasterkids that the image was removed and a link to the terms and conditions of use.

Also the message said "scroll to see guidelines" in the post and there's no place to scroll to see guidelines. They are supposed to update the Terms and Conditions of Use when they change policies and I don't see where that was done. What new guidelines? I don't see them in the forum. I don't see them on the DDWebmaster posts... Sloppy, but it's kids and they don't know yet.

Jacky82020 on 08/28/2022:
You never saw their new Community Standards? I saw them 3X, can’t say exactly when & where.

I think the old guidelines or whatever the proper term is, does say the webmaster has full rights to edit or delete any posts. But I’m too lazy to locate that now. Those kids probably lacked the skills or motivation to properly deal with imposter accounts. I can only speculate that was a fictitious pair but am guessing they know from the IP address at the server. Most fish forums are quick to pick up on IPs and do not allow users to create multiple accounts.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
I think it's the skills... they are clearly motivated enough to be all over people's postings!

Donkey on 08/28/2022:
When I was in high school, I thought a lot in terms of black & white, yes & no, right & wrong. I think that seeing shades of gray in EVERYTHING comes with maturity. No insult to the New Kids -- it's something that comes with living a lot of life.

happy-1 - Saturday Aug 27, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sat 8-27-22 9am:

Slept 10h but only an hour of REM. 2/3 of what I need. Debating asking Bobcat to stay home this week to see if I can close my sleep deficit. Otherwise I can ask him to sleep on the foldout cot in my dad's room I guess. I'm just a lump. Sleep probably would have recovered last night if I hadn't gone after the back patio but I was just so frustrated I needed to do something yesterday and not being able to sit outside at all was getting to me. Still a ton to do out there.

I've been up 2h and all I have achieved is breakfast. I have so much to do, the timeline is tight, but I'm so spacey I can't do anything about it. If I didn't know it was sleep-related, I'd think it was depression. The only way to fix it is paradoxically to do nothing.

My friend from church is coming over for dinner tonight and to pick up my food bank donation of all the dad treats I stockpiled and need to get out of the house so I don't eat them.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/27/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/27/2022:
9:50. Watching Leaf Like on a Tree on Youtube and getting morale up. Put on clothes. Tidied bedroom a little.

If I go through dad’s clothes for donation, I can move some of my clothes into his closet and give Bobcat some closet space.

happy-1 on 08/27/2022:
11:20 Got through dad’s clothes for donation. I have an entire bag of sweats and t shirts I bought him so he would be more comfortable and look better at home he never wore. Too good for Goodwill. I’ll see if my friend knows anyone who could use them.

Taking a break. I could use lunch, but sugar is high.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Lunch was a keto pizza. Snack was tofu scramble. Dinner was a thai almond chicken salad that was actually pretty good. I will make more of that. Dessert was peanuts and keto cereal with seltzer.

My friend from church was the inspiration for the salad. We watched Jojo Rabbit. Then I sent her home with all the dad treats and a bag of dad’s clothes that were too good for Goodwill. I don’t think I could have let any of that go if she hadn’t picked it up. I’d still be hanging on to it. My dad isn’t in the bags, but it was hard to let go.

10pm and in bed.

bearcountrygg on 08/27/2022:
10 hours of sleep is good...even if you didn't reach the REM you wanted...at least you rested and that counts for a lot too.

happy-1 on 08/27/2022:
Yeah… hopefully it means I will get more REM in a couple of days.

Jacky82020 on 08/27/2022:
That is very thoughtful of your friend to help donate the food items. Take it easy. You’ve been through a lot lately. It will take a while to rebound. HUGS

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:

American_Woman on 08/27/2022:
I was sorry to read about your Dad. I know the items will be very appreciated.

horn_of_plenty on 08/27/2022:

do you ever sleep with him in your bed or it's not comfortable? i would need to be in a relationship for a long time to be able to be comfortable and get good sleep like that.

today i caught up on TONS of sleep throughout the morning :)

Also, i just read your dad passed away. I am really sorry to hear it. I didn't realize until now. I send my regards and well wishes to you during this stressful time.

i had thought you lived in a paid-off place with your parents and not a rental...so i see you have a few things you'll need to get squared away later....

for now, take breathers in-between all the events going on right now in your life. we are here for you.

happy-1 on 08/28/2022:
Unless everyone bails on this site!!!! UGH!!! I hope that site you made for your project management class is still active! How can I connect with you guys by email or Facebook?

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