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happy-1 - Thursday Jan 30, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Disorganized eating last night... did ok all day until after the grief support group and washing the cat. I just got really tired and stressed and didn't have healthy meals prepped. Ate some of the chicken thighs I made up for the pets, then ended up eating a bunch of my dad's granola bars. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/30/2020:
Lately my volume eating is messing with me and giving me gas :(


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/30/2020:
WORSE GAS THAN USUAL!


Donkey on 01/31/2020:
Can't tell you how many times I've been there, holding on until the end of the day.... then SPLAT!

happy-1 on 02/08/2020:
Right? I need to clean the house before the home bath nurse comes tomorrow and all I want to do is go to bed... And that's a big improvement because at least now I am sleeping again.



happy-1 - Thursday Jan 30, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Having an F it night... Where you did your best and it is just time to go to bed even though everything you wanted and needed to get done didn't happen.

Also, it turns out that licorice root tea is a stimulant that makes you eat more. I have been sucking it down at night by the gallon.

Aaaargh.

One good thing... I washed the cat (something I dreaded) and discovered that he is very much on board with grooming. He practically raised his paws so I could get his armpits. I swear he is actually saying "Finally! A real shower! It took you long enough. Now I can really settle in." 

He's extra determined tonight to sleep with me.

Who the hell had this cat? 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/30/2020:
Yep, have had many F it days but yours sounds like it ended on a positive note.

I've had to give Sick Kitty baths when she soils herself. (Because she's learning to walk all under again, we'll have to do some litter box retraining as well.) Let's just say she's not nearly as receptive as your cat, lol. She's a good sport about it, but doesn't like baths.

happy-1 on 01/30/2020:
Aaaaaaaaaw, especially when she's sick.

It was a pretty invasive scrub too. He wanders out to the porch to sniff the breezes and then comes right back in, but last night dad was too cold to have the door open and I was stressed from the grief support group... so I closed the door and forgot about him so he went and hid in a car wheel well... My black and white kitty looked like a walking garage rag, complete with motor oil. Dawn dish detergent was the solution. He was completely chill and undisturbed by the whole thing. No bad kitty behavior after either... So apparently I can do whatever I want to him as long as I don't change anything in the house.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/30/2020:
I had NO IDEA that licorice tea is a stimulant i had thought it's caffeine free?

happy-1 on 02/02/2020:
It's caffeine free but the sweetner is a stimulant that is more potent than caffeine and raises blood pressure as well.



happy-1 - Monday Jan 27, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 41 on Noom

Day 9 of Dad Boundary Enforcement

Dad Tantrum Count this AM: 32 

My Tantrum Count: 2

Succesful Dad Sessions: 4/6

Not enough sleep but I am up, dressed, have had breakfast and coffee, and am tackling the scheduled business session for today, dad tantrums and all.

I may have created a monster... He is on point and on task today. He was up about 8:30 and ready and waiting for me with a to do list for our 10AM session. I was a little surprised and had to hide in my bedroom... Where I had my coffee maker, freshly restocked fridge of healthy snacks, and a bathroom to get dressed and do my hair in... because I did my bedtime checklist and had taken a shower last night and dried my hair.

It's a shocker when a plan comes together.

12pm... Time did not get used 100% effectively but that's OK... That's why there's another session this week.

Hoping to come up with boundaries around grocery shopping and food tomorrow, introduce them on Thursday, and get those started on Sunday.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/27/2020:
Sounds positive.

happy-1 on 01/30/2020:
I think so... I am hoping his quality of life goes up.


Donkey on 01/28/2020:
Perhaps you and dad can help each other stay time organized. He'll stay in schedule when you may not be motivated to, and vice versa.

Like Bear, I see this as a positive day too! (Lot better than my day, that's for sure...)


legcramps on 01/28/2020:
Sounds like a great day!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/28/2020:
it's always wonderful when we make plans and KEEP them! for me, it was about doing pushups this AM = success :)

2 is TOOOOO many tantrums! 2 too many! two too many!



happy-1 - Saturday Jan 25, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 39 on Noom

Day 6 of enforcing boundaries around time management with dad
Dad tantrum count this AM: 20

Gah... Getting back on track.

I am way behind on my noom articles. I am just too tired to read.

BUT I had a record-setting 3 days on track in a row:

  • Wednesday - Got dad out to 3 errands and home again
  • Thursday - Read mail, paid bills and filed paperwork like human beings
  • Friday - Pro organizer session and I got out for a game night at the church

The boundary setting with dad is helpful. He even used Alexa to add things to the shopping list today (because I said that was the only way I would accept grocery requests... and also because I spent 3 hours locked in my room crying yesterday). I was stunned.

I celebrated my success with a new cat bed on clearance that matches my bedding. The cat is very happy about this and purrs VERY LOUDLY as he kneads away at that, a crinkly elephant, and a baby blanket. So much better than kneading on me for hours and hours. He's really strong.

Today, I fell off track. I missed 8AM yoga because I slept 12 hours... That will cost me $20. Ow. I was supposed to go to a bike clinic after and check out the shop ride... Ha!  I couldn't even get my body moving... Everything hurt and exhaustion from Week 1 of boundary setting was crushing.

I splurged on a frozen meat slicer from BBB. It shows up sometime this week. The way my dad goes through deli meat you would think it was a food group and it's like $9-11 a lb for the low sodium options.

Tonight I am putting up meal plans on Cozi and using it to make a shopping list. Just hot lunches for now. I am trying to make it out to support groups to see other human beings at night. He can figure out his own breakfasts and dinners.

  • Sunday - Stuffed cabbage soup
  • Monday - Chicken breast, sweet potatoes, veg
  • Tuesday - Lentil soup, falaffel, pita, cucumber salad
  • Wednesday - Cajun red beans and rice with spinach
  • Thursday - Turkey meat loaf and mashed potatoes
  • Friday - Burgers
  • Saturday - Cooks day off, leftovers

A little addicted to iHerb...  I found the BEST chocolate chips and hot chocolate there... 

https://www.iherb.com/pr/Equal-Exchange/80635

https://www.iherb.com/pr/Now-Foods-Slender-Hot-Cocoa-10-oz-284-g/30569

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/26/2020:
You can ask your Noon leader/coach to rest your dailies if you want.


bearcountrygg on 01/26/2020:
That should have said RESET

happy-1 on 01/27/2020:
LOL. Rest is what I need though!


Donkey on 01/26/2020:
Went to www.iherb.com --- wow!!!

happy-1 on 01/27/2020:
Right? Prices are about the same as a sale price without a coupon for most of it. Some random price spikes, but overall fair enough. Enough that I don't need to make a special trek to Sprouts in addition to Sams Club pickup.


bearcountrygg on 01/26/2020:
I went to that site too...looks very interesting...I'd never heard of that one before.

happy-1 on 01/27/2020:
Me either till I was desperate for more tea and didn't want to pay $5.99 for it!!!!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/28/2020:
those meals sound thorough!



happy-1 - Saturday Jan 25, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Super tired and will write more tomorrow... but I have had 3 on track days and feel like I have leveled up like in a video game.

Go team.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/25/2020:
Nice job staying on track for 3 days!!!


Donkey on 01/25/2020:
Cheering you on!!! WOOT!!!


Horn_of_plenty on 01/25/2020:
go team is right, to all of us! Happy Weekend :-)



happy-1 - Wednesday Jan 22, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 36 on Noom
Day 4 of enforcing boundaries around time management with dad
Dad tantrum count this AM: 8
3 night streak of controlled bedtime eating
(counting last night as controlled because I didn't eat enough during the day) 

Support group last night was helpful. I think I horrified two very well maintained older ladies who care for their husbands and are good friends. They are the type who go to book groups and drink wine. I hit it off with a lady who takes care of her 90+ year old mom, and she invited me to a shop ride and a bike clinic. I declined the shop ride... I don't think I can keep up right now, but I said yes to the bike clinic. I will be there Saturday with bells on.

The support groups are helpful but I feel bad after... Like I freaked everyone out. But at least the lady last night didn't run away screaming.

Plan for the day is to take dad on errands... Doctor, McDonald's, Ralphs... Then come home and collapse. I don't think I want to eat anything at McDonalds. They have a chicken southwest salad, but it's a lot of sodium and preservatives... and not that good. I'll bring something in from my cooler while dad eats that, see if they say anything.

---
 
Coffee: Coffee, 2% milk
Breakfast: Apple, cheddar cheese stick, 2 hard boiled eggs
Tea: 
Lunch: 
Tea: 
4 PM Hangry Snack: 
Tea: 
Extra Snacks: 
Exercise:
1 Thing to Move Forward: 
  • Work on boundaries with dad
  • Adult loss of parent support group

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/22/2020:
Hope your errand trip went well.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2020:
what's a shop ride!?


Donkey on 01/23/2020:
^Shop ride - is that where you all gather at a bike shop and then ride off together? I have a friend who does that regularly. Met a whole new set of friends!



happy-1 - Tuesday Jan 21, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 35 on Noom

Today is day 2 of enforcing boundary wih dad assignment from therapist. 2 business, 1 errand, and 1 quality time session, 2h each. If he passes, we try again at the next schedued session. He has been talked through it with the bereavement counselor, the pro organizer showed him how to use the calendar and shopping list. I reminded him of today's session last night, and managed his resulting tantrum. I went out at the appointed time and tried to get him started and he threw a tantrum and passed on the session. I went and hid in my bedroom and had breakfast and coffee in there. I spent the time woring on getting Alexa to work better for him and documented the instructions. Then I went out to get food and managed the next tantrum. Then I realized that since Thursday of last week the house has gotten gross again. I gave up, showered and I started in my bedroom and hung up clothes, vacuumed, etc. I still have piles and piles of tools and christmas ornaments in my bedroom. 

Augh.

4pm and I am too exhausted to go to yoga at 5pm... probably the infection on my foot which is at least better than yesterday with the antibiotics and I can walk on it again.

I am taking a break and watching Hulu. Then I will get up and go to the caregiver support group. Tomorrow is another day.

---

Coffee: Coffee, Lairds Unsweetened Creamer, nonfat milk powder

Breakfast: Apple, cheddar cheese stick, 2 hard boiled eggs

Tea: Tea, milk, stevia

Lunch: Lean cuisine chicken parm, 4 cups veggies

Tea: Skipped

4 PM Hangry Snack: 1 cheese stick, tortilla chips... Would have had carrots, but tantrum.

Dinner: Skipped

Tea: Just plain decaf tea

Extra Snacks: Chicken teriyaki leftovers, tortilla chips and salsa - Hot chocolate mug cake, Protein pancake, 1/2 a pbj on wheat. Red because of bedtime eating.

Exercise:

1 Thing to Move Forward:

  • Set boundaries with dad
  • Worked on configuring Alexa for Dad's calendar, to do list, and shopping list 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/21/2020:
Keep at it...you will get there.

happy-1 on 01/22/2020:
Inch by inch.


Donkey on 01/22/2020:
Are you finding the support group to be helpful?

I think you've done incredibly well. I wish you had more for yourself, but I understand that it doesn't work that way.

Noom seems to be helping!

happy-1 on 01/22/2020:
Support group... Yes... Venting to people who understand... Feeling like I am carrying fewer secrets... Being less isolated to build momentum. Referrals to needed services... Just getting out of the house... A possible new friend...

Noom actually is helping. I need the structure. Behind on the articles though.

More for myself? What do you mean?


Donkey on 01/23/2020:
Well, I meant that you could do things for you. Example: too tired to go to yoga. It's not a criticism. Energy allocation and priorities... sometimes we just run out of time in a day.



happy-1 - Monday Jan 20, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 34 on Noom

Took a couple of days off to get a break and I am back now. 

Didn't binge eat last night. Sleep cycle shows two blue nights in a row and my body battery was almost 90 this morning. I am refreshed and back at it.

Goal for tonight is to finish sorting and storing tools so I have my bedroom back.

Percolator is set up... Ordered more of my favorite tea at an online sale price... Let my 2 goals for the week begin:

  • Tea instead of binging at night
  • Sticking to schedule with dad

---

  • Coffee: Coffee, Lairds Unsweetened Creamer, nonfat milk powder
  • Breakfast: Apple, cheddar cheese stick
  • Exercise: Skipped
  • Tea: Skipped
  • Lunch: Part of a taco bell taco salad, water
  • Tea: Skipped
  • 4 PM Hangry Snack: Lean cuisine chicken parm, cheese, 1 slice white bread
  • Dinner: 2 hot chocolate packets, protein pancake mix, milk
  • Tea: 
  • Extra Snacks: Cherry tomatoes, hummus, multigrain pita chips, 2 hard boiled eggs, zhoug sauce, (tea, stevia, lairds creamer)x3, 1/2 a pbj on white.
  • 1 thing to move myself forward: Logged more receipts for a tally of expenses, picked up prescriptions.
  •  

---

Ok... this is where I get myself into trouble. I waaaaaaay missed my time to take sleep meds. I'm still hungry. The PB in the kitchen is calling my name and wants me to unite it with J and white bread for sweet harmony.

Not today satan. Not today.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/20/2020:
you are on point today! welcome back! whats your fave tea??

happy-1 on 01/21/2020:
Decaf brewed... Egyptian Licorice Root. I could drink it by the gallon... https://www.iherb.com/pr/Yogi-Tea-Egyptian-Licorice-Caffeine-Free-16-Tea-Bags-1-27-oz-36-g/5498

Caffeinated... Any black tea with a little of this mixed in. It's probably 90% lead and cancer. I need to buy a new jar and am trying to find something without a Prop 65 warning.

https://www.amazon.com/Laxmi-Natural-Tea-Masala-Traditional/dp/B003XD73NS/ref=asc_df_B003XD73NS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312191465664&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6606752658777311831&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9031026&hvtargid=pla-570727806876&psc=1


Donkey on 01/21/2020:
So... if I read that correctly, Satan won the PBJ temptation.


legcramps on 01/21/2020:
Ah! LOL, I totally had PBJ for supper last night!



happy-1 - Thursday Jan 16, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 30 on Noom 

I don't want to weigh in today... I don't want to know. I made the best ever chicken teriyaki last night and had waaaaaay too much, then topped it off with an orange and 2 chocolate mug cakes. Insomniac eating. Today, my gut is busting out of the gap between my sweats and my t shirt. I feel disgusting.

Percolator shows up tomorrow so I can start tea ritual.

Dad's bereavement counselor is coming over today. I'm not looking forward to it. Family friend who used to run senior centers and the very experienced elder care consultant he referred me to both say she gave us the worst direction coaching ever. My feeling about it is "what fresh hell is this" ala Stan from the Evil Dead.

It's 8:30 AM. I have had coffee and Alleve. It is time to get my day started. Plan:

  • Do basic cleanup in living room and dining room so counselor can sit down. Too many in progress projects with the organizer... Then vacuum, spot clean rugs.
  • Shower
  • Mail run
  • Counselor visit
  • Check out another support group, this one for depression. Am I depressed because I am exhausted or exhausted because I am depressed? Let's find out

At least I made some progress yesterday... I opened and sorted my mail and read some of it. I have been doing so much of my dad's stuff, I haven't been doing mine. Time to put that on hold and work on me. I keep saying I will do that, but then I do his stuff instead because he is here pounding on me and I just want some peace. Boundaries and focus. Boundaries and focus. I need to get back to yoga.

---

Meal schedule I put in my calendar... Need to get back on track. Maybe I will even make a meal plan.

Coffee: Coffee, nonfat milk powder, Laird's creamer

Breakfast: Eggs, spinach, enhilada sauce, 1 tbsp black beans, 2 tbsp cheese, 1 corn tortilla, seltzer

Exercise:

Tea:

Lunch:

Tea:

4 PM Hangry Snack:

Dinner:

Tea:

Extra Unplanned Meals:

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/16/2020:
Maybe your dad would respond well to a calendar where you can point out a day and time that you will do the things he wants done...and if he questions you then tell him it's on the calendar....( but you would have to be strict about doing it then). We were offered grief counseling by the funeral home...but didn't go...Thhere is a really good short and to the point book out about dealing with death of a loved one...I got one for my aunt years ago....i will see if I can find the name.

happy-1 on 01/17/2020:
LOL. You are psychic. That's the to do item for today with the organizer. I found a family organizer app last year and have been putting information into it... He has refused to learn how to use it... But today, it happens.


bearcountrygg on 01/16/2020:
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a very good book about the 5 stages of grief back in 1969.....The name of the book is ON DEATH AND DYING......and there is plenty about it online so buying the book probably isn't necessary.....but it is very good and explains a lot.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/17/2020:
i love all the mug cakes and the single serving recipes that are out....i see something i like from Heidi Powell the athlete...some kind of cinnamon mug cake, lower cals.


Donkey on 01/17/2020:
Boundaries are everything...



happy-1 - Wednesday Jan 15, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 29 on Noom 

Accidentally surprised Dad in the bathroom this morning. Neither of us will ever truly recover.

Had call with therapist in AM and then went directly out to coffee and lunch. I spent the whole day out of the house until it was time to go to the caregiver support group. I brought stuff with me to work on, but I didn't do it. All I could do was sit and stare and let my mind empty out. When I went to pick up my equine pine pellets for my tom cat, I gave the guys at the hardware store a turn... I was super enthusiastic (at a level that was a little unbalanced) about being able to order and pick up locally and not drive 40 min to get it. They asked why I was driving to get special cat litter... I said if you are not a cat person and you have a cat this stuff makes the experience of having a cat so much less horrible... I inherited the cat... I can live with everything but stepping on gravel and clay and it smells so much better. He goes through one of these a month... I'll see you next month. They just stared at me and finally the oldest guy said sometimes it's the little things... order in store by Tuesday and we'll have it on Thursday... I think he's "been there".

The caregiver support group... Those poor people look like they were hit by the bus they considered throwing themselves in front of... and I guess that includes me. When it was time for me to introduce myself, I just opened my mouth and everything came tumbling out of my mouth like emptying a bucket of legos. They were very nice about it. I think one of the guys is getting recruited by a cult... something about a 40 day program that tears down your psyche to rebuild it, daily meditation rituals at the center, and a special diet. Time will tell.

I tried having better, more satisfying meals while out yesterday (delightful discovery that the international grocery has added a persian lunch counter... the best lentil soup!!!!) but I still ended up binge eating after my bedtime snack. I was just going to have 2 corn tortillas with refred beans, cheese, and hot sauce, but instead I ended up having 2 more of those, 2 pbjs on actual white bread, and an RX bar. F****************

Up on time today. 

--

  1. Breakfast and coffee out
  2. Chicken kale salad
  3. 2 hard boiled eggs, cheese stick, orange
  4. Carrots and hummus
  5. Fake low sodium nachos to head off cravings: unsalted tortilla chips, black beans, cheese, soy chorizo
  6. Too much homemade best ever chicken teriyaki (orange for portion control) with rice, veggies and 1 chicken egg roll
  7. Orange
  8. Hot chocolate mug cake with cream cheese and 1 chocolate square
  9. Hot chocolate mug cake plain

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/15/2020:
Well.....all I can say about the Dad incident is that at least it was accidental......I had to flush my Dad's catheter several times a day and at first neither one of us was comfortable with that but over time....we got to the point that it was just something that had to be done.......something he said that made us both laugh...was "Linda, Linda a lovely girl at a glance....but I remember her when she wore three cornered pants"...referring to the old fashioned diapers of the 1940's....reminding me that the situation had turned around...it lightened the moment at least......

happy-1 on 01/16/2020:
I have no idea what that stage will be like with my dad. As it is he won't let me help him with anything and has shut me out of doctor's visits.


bearcountrygg on 01/15/2020:
Try not to take things too seriously...it could be worse.

happy-1 on 01/16/2020:
LOL. Right?


innerpeace on 01/15/2020:
BOOM! it is bound to happen. I've walked in on my husband a few times, but I understand how a dad is different.

happy-1 on 01/15/2020:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/15/2020:
it's hard for me to quit at just one taco too LOL.

maybe you didn't eat enough while out and you were too hungry when you got home...try to bring a snack to eat so you don't go home ravenous, even sucking candies..i take them on the ride home if i am really hungry.

happy-1 on 01/16/2020:
I think it's the insomnia. I lay there and then I have to eat something.



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