Onwards and upwards. My eyes popped open at 3am this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep. Too early to make noise so I indulged in Internet stuff.
Yesterday, despite eating 5 ice cream sandwiches the night before, I fit back into old pants. So of course I ate a bag of mini donuts. Sigh.
At least I got a lovely card for morale boost from the Ex-ish. Who's a big sweetheart?
Yesterday I tackled the post office, groceries and patio cleanup. Today I will try to not burn myself out and plan meals between tasks.
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Update.
And it totally worked.
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Pleasant surprises... Spraying the milk on the tomato plants did actually kill fungus.
Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!
Good morning DDers! Rise and shine!
So much to do today. So little time to do it... but I have one thing going for me that I did not have yesterday... an acceptable substitute for ice cream. Yes! You take a big thing of full fat greek yogurt, scoop some out into a mixing bowl, nuke it for 40 seconds, then stir in a bag of 70% dark chocolate chips and fold until they melt. Then you take the rest of the yogurt and fold it in till it is all one smooth, creamy, chocolate. Pour it into a silicone ice cube mold and you get fudgey frozen yogurt.
I also made a healthy dinner.
Factor75 nutritionist call did not pan out... I think they could have helped me 5 years ago before I made changes and lost weight, but I've already had the "whole unprocessed foods" talk... I was looking for help with getting a day of their meals with snacks at a 3500 calorie level aand she couldn't help me do it... She couldn't even send me a spreadsheet of their menu to order from so I could easily pick out which meals are higher sodium and avoid them.
So I sat down with a scraper app last night and scraped the nutritional information off their site into a google sheet.
I will conquer.
So much to do today and I don't know where to start...
Do I go to the post office and grocery store or work on the horrible piles of paperwork, rugs, kitchen linoleum, pests on the patio, or garage junk first?
I don't know anymore.
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Somehow I am 226.6 at weigh in this morning despite eating 5 ice cream sandwiches last night. Down.1 lbs.
Amazing.
Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!
ah well.
but it goes to show you've come a long way and aren't such a beginner anymore!
seems you posted a lot when everyone else is not online on DD as much! that's a first!
Pushed myself past exhaustion point yesterday, woke up sore today. Starting with a mocha protein shake, oatmeal, supplements, and DD to smack my brain on.
Yesterday my Factor75 order showed a day late, partially open and warm... with 2 meals missing. I was there when it was delivered so it happened while it was with Fedex. Guess they swipe more than just firearms. They help themselves to a snack. I had to toss the whole thing for fear of salmonella. All that wasted food... Augh. Factor75 refunded to my balance and gave me a service credit. Try again next week.
Cranky frustrated because:
a) Hungry with nothing in the house on plan. I didn't eat enough yesterday so even though I slept enough I am super low energy this AM. I also didn't drink enough water yesterday so I am dehydrated and my muscles are all crampy.
b) The new thing to give me more hope and confidence didn't pan out... yet.
c) General feeling of having "lost" 2 days and about to lose a third... Aldi's and Sam's Club in my area have changed what they carry to "comfort food" items... Not a stalk of broccoli in sight. So I still need to go to another store today and then that steals a third day.
d) Driving really hurts (need to do yoga) and I wore myself out... so last night I made messes I now have to clean up. Burned pans, laundry that didn't work out, kitchen/bathrooms/floors I didn't clean up last night. Mess stress. Productivity today. Time, time, time.
e) I need to redo my entire schedule to move around all the things I didn't get done in the last 3 days. Time, time, time.
f) I need to scrap my meal plan and make a new one. Time, time, time.
g) I feel a little like I am letting my dad down because I shoved his food needs off onto the caregiver, but I am not achieving the things I said I would because I am spending 3 days resolving what didn't happen on plan. Not honoring my commitments. Kicking a sick puppy.
h) Overslept which always bums me out.
Slap in the face. Back on track. Important things today...
Oh look at that. There's my brain.
Progress as of today: 90.3 lbs lost so far, only 66.7 lbs to go!
Saw this today Donkey and thought of you... All these things go through my head too... but if you showed me a list of cognitive thought distortions I'd never relate to them.
Progress as of today: 90.3 lbs lost so far, only 66.7 lbs to go!
Except it’s quarantine and I don’t drink.
Except it’s quarantine and I don’t drink.
like donkey, i can easily identify to these and need to adjust my perspective. thank you!
i honestly think you do a good job with your current stresses and being able to look at what you need to do for you...but of course, adjusting our perspectives can help us more as we do it more :)
Who else forgot how much fun bingo can be?
Breathing through anxiety today so that I can stick to my plan and get the things done that I need to get done. That yoga class I bailed on last night would be useful right now. Trigger is conflict with my dad last night (over my avoidance of folding and putting away his laundry and leaving it for the caregiver instead) and this morning (because neighbor's mail was misdeliverd to us and I gave it back to them instead of keeping it and reading it and NOT giving it to them). It's just a lot of unnecessary drama that steals time, effort, energy, and resources and keeps me trapped here.
But the Factor75 meals are coming today and that feels like a foothold of hope.
Breathing.
More breathing.
Goals for today are to tackle dad business while I wait for the Factor75 delivery from Fedex. If it takes a long time to arrive, I will tackle the patio and take a whack at the microwave. If it comes early afternoon, I will do critical errands and grocery shopping I was supposed to do yesterday. Tomorrow is the 20 min call with the nutrition consultant from Factor75 so it isn't bad to wait on grocery shopping one more day.
For fitness, I will do the fitness test I was supposed to do two days ago.
For relaxation, I will catch up on Noom, the fitness challenge, and the readings I was supposed to do for bible study. I might go find a nice spot to park and truly get away.
None of the above happened. Dad had a high anxiety day and chased after me for things every time he saw me. Mostly to put his car on my insurance (which he does not pay for). I was stuck waiting for my giant Fedex delivery so no walking the dog or going around the corner for a breather. I had to ride it out... hungry because I emptied out the fridge and there was were my dad's heart failure meals (special place in hell for the family members who eat those instead of the patient), the high sodium frozen dinners he buys himself when he goes out with the caregiver, and a bunch of his high sodium, highly processed treats. I didn't starve... I have protein bars, almonds, protein powder, and apples... but when you got up at 5am and started working, it's lunch and nothing sticks to your ribs, your head, neck and back hurt because you need to build up your strength again, and a crazy old man is hammering on you to register and insure a car all you want to do is sell or donate... Then the Fedex truck goes by and you SEE your package with the Factor75 ribbon by his feet go by and NOT STOP... You need more.
So I dug the company is coming meal out of the freezer... chicken spinach feta sausage, box of spinach, garlic, onion, pasta, high end marinated artichokes, sour cream. I could swear there was white wine somewhere.
Guess mom already hit this point too.
Progress as of today: 90.3 lbs lost so far, only 66.7 lbs to go!
Down another pound. Still 13lbs above my plateau from 2018 of 213, but a lot better than this year's high of 235.
Tried to do errands for myself today, but ended up doing dad stuff instead. Have more of it to do tonight. Couldn't even get to the grocery store for myself today.
Tried to do 6pm yoga but I couldn't get into it. Turns out I was too hungry to do yoga and couldn't feel it.
Bible study tonight, but I'm super restless.
Caregiver was here today. I could have taken a bath. It's all I can think about.
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Laptop is fritzing out... Do I pioritize getting the backup drive out of storage tomorrow AM before it gets hot, or making calls to the east coast to settle dad business?
Progress as of today: 90.3 lbs lost so far, only 66.7 lbs to go!
sorry you were hungry when attempting yoga. i cannot exercise hungry very often either. always snacking during my exercise.
my laptop also needs some kind of reboot / renewals according to the notifications...
Oh I so very, very badly want an epsom salt bath.
What’s your favorite bath gel scent?
Today is my first day up and moving around without pain. Clean eating and yoga are already helping.
Tomorrow starts week 1 of my 6 week push. Focusing on removing obstacles.
Yesterday it was pantry box sorting and kitchen cleanup. Today it is testing the igniter in the gas oven and cleaning out the guts of the microwave... which has turned into "Where did I put the bit driver?", which has turned into "I need to sort all the hardware I pulled out of the garage to see if there is another bit driver and a small wrench." UGH.
Taking a break, logging here. I tried to finish my Spoonacular meal plan, but couldn't figure out how to stay under 2300 mg of sodium... Factor75 gives you one free 20 minute call with a nutritionist, so I booked an appointment for Thursday, sent them my problem and my nutritional guidelines, and we will see how it goes.
Goals for this week are:
let us know what happens with nutritionist and if you are able to make it under 23000mg sodium - this would be interesting for me to hear about!
love your pushups challenge. today i am focused back on some weights exercises.
Today I worked on my meal plans for this week (calling it week 0).
Garmin says I am burning between 4500 and 7000 calories a day.
Cronometer says if I am 5'10", 228lbs with 37% bodyfat and burning 4,500 calories a day, I should be working with a 3,500 calorie budget and shooting for 218g protein, 349g carbs, 136g fat.
So I crunched what that would mean in terms of normal food instead of the meal delivery stuff... and I didn't even get close to those targets. It looks like the eating regimen of a teenage wrestler who is about to have a growth spurt. I;d have to eat way more than I am eating now... and then STILL eat 2 Factor75 meals.
Burn 4500 Cal / Eat 3500 Cal Day
|
|
|
| Price | Calories | Protein | Fat | Carbs |
|
| Goal |
| $12.00 | 3,500 | 218 | 136 | 349 |
|
| Total |
| $15.84 | 2693 | 194 | 117.5 | 232 |
| No murdering when you wake up | Coffee with Almond Milk | 16oz of filtered water | $0.58 | 34 | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Breakfast | Sunday breakfast: 1 sausage, 2 eggs, 1 piece toast with butter and jam | 16oz of filtered water | $1.79 | 425 | 27 | 25 | 25 |
|
| 3 Cups of Broccoli |
| $0.60 | 92 | 7 |
| 18 |
| Second Breakfast | 2 Hard Boiled Eggs, Hummus Cup, Cherry Tomatoes, Almonds | 16oz of filtered water | $2.39 | 272 | 17 | 17 | 13 |
| Lunch | Turkey Chili | 16oz of filtered water | $2.94 | 271 | 28 | 9 | 18 |
|
| 2 Cups of Spinach |
| $0.54 | 13 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
|
| 1 Cup Mexican Veg |
| $1.14 | 50 | 2 | 0.5 | 11 |
| Snack | Apple and Almond Butter | 16oz of filtered water | $1.40 | 284 | 7 | 18 | 31 |
| Dinner | Leftover Rotisserie Chicken Dinner with 1/2 a Sweet Potato and 3 cups broccoli | 16oz of filtered water | $1.98 | 558 | 64 | 17 | 40 |
| Dessert | think! High Protein Bar, Double Caramel Bliss | 16oz of filtered water | $1.50 | 240 | 20 | 8 | 26 |
| No murdering in the evening either | Tortillas and Cheese | 16oz of filtered water | $0.98 | 454 | 20 | 21 | 47 |
Anyway, as you are taller, which is wonderful by the way, your caloric base level will be higher than mine. And yes, you do have a very strenuous activity level, unless it's a day that you have a break. (Far and few in between.)
As I read it, I think Bear was just trying to caution you on gimmicks, but it looks to me like you've done your homework. I say try the higher calorie levels and see how you do. GO FOR IT. You might find that it really helps you with energy, better sleeping, less "going off the deep end" with food that is NOT nutritious.
So yes, I'd be interested to read about your journey into higher calories. I feel very positive about at least trying it out. AND I completely support having a meal service, if you can afford it, in your situation. I think being a caretaker is one of the toughest, thankless jobs out there.
If you find that the higher calories are not serving you well, well then... back to the drawing board. Ooh, I'm excited to see how this works for you!
I think I was having an "I'm too hungry meltdown" when I responded to Bear... I'm having a lot of those.
Thank you for your support!
Being a caregiver would be better if it were a job... I'm doing this for free till I can get him settled and I can go back to work. The way I see it I can't afford not to try and make this one thing easier. A $250 higher food cost for a month or two is nowhere near the expense of not earning a full time income.
Ok. One more time. Back on the horse.
I think I've jumped on a million horses. Or one very stubborn and unfriendly mule.
One more try to break the cycle of my neck hurts so I eat junk. I eat junk, so my neck hurts and I flop over and don't work out. Not a way to feel great and have tons of fun adventures. Right now I don't even feel up to driving 30+ min to go see the Ex-ish and not have any fun.
BUT... I have been scraping away at it with a butter knife. I start again on Tuesday.
Last time I started up again in March, I had just completed setting up my bedroom with a yoga spot and my mountain bike on a cheap Aldi's trainer and subscribed to online yoga. I was foiled by not thinking through where my dog would go while I was doing yoga. Everytime I tried to put her in the bathroom, living room, dad's bedroom, patio, or crate drama would ensue and I'd have a huge mess to clean up and pretty much just want to die.
NOW... I have setup the patio with mom's garden, a doggie camp cot, dog house, shade sail, self-filling water bowl, and a barrier at the bottom of the stairs so she can't bang the door down. We wake up, I stick her in an Ikea bag and carry her out to the patio and release her to pee and poop and take a nap outside. I pour myself iced coffee and almond milk (made ahead) and while I wait for my brain to turn on (I stagger around like a zombie for like 35min... I'm awful) I pick up all the pee-soaked towels and stick them in the washer, wipe down the floor, roll out out my yoga mat, flip on the laptop and plug in the executive board room webcam that is perfect for online yoga, do the yoga, collapse for a little me time, then open the door and face the horror of the day, whatever it may contain.
Friday I told the caregiver that she's in charge of feeding my dad and taking him grocery shopping. I'm subscribing to a meal delivery service. I can't be in chare of food and clean out the garage.
Saturday and Sunday, I passed on seeing the Ex-ish. I packed supplements and cleaned my room.
Monday, I told them they also needed to book his various appointments on their own since he keeps cancelling them. I will be too busy cleaning out the garage.
Tuesday, I setup AC in my bedroom. If dad can have AC, I can have AC. I did a yoga class.
Wednesday, they did their own appointments. I didn't even get him ready to go.
Today, I worked on stuff for myself, did a yoga class, and made turkey chilli.
Tomorrow I will do yoga, pay bills, clean some more and work on the garden.
This weekend I will purge the fridge and do more yoga.
Tuesday, 18 meals from a paleo meal delivery service show up. It's too expensive, I can't afford it. I can't not afford it because I need to be in better shape to get out and look for work.
Sometimes I just feel like I am throwing random rocks at each other with the expectation of coming out with a castle.
Progress as of today: 88.6 lbs lost so far, only 68.4 lbs to go!
Well, at least you are trying. I thought of the ancient saying, Fall down seven, get up eight.
As long as we keep trying, that's half the battle won.
good stuff you are doing for dad, too! stay strong!
Today he wanted me to take him to the grocery store because "we were out of food". Then I realized we are just out of diet coke and ice cream.
Binges on ice cream yesterday. Almost an entire gallon. Augh. Stress eating while trying to do paperwork. At least I was productive.
Goal for today is a bath when the caregiver takes dad out.
Supposed to see the Ex-ish today, but I flaked.
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B: 2 No sugar added fudge pops, 1/2 a frozen pizza
L: turkeyroni
S: 1/2 a pizza, tons of water
S: 2 chicken legs
Progress as of today: 88.6 lbs lost so far, only 68.4 lbs to go!
sorry about your stress eating. i understand it and i have been there. make today better. maybe try to make sure you are having snacks so you curb your appetite!
also, do you have any veggies or healthy things at home to help you - so at least one meal can include a veggie? (i try to do this most days as i don't really crave veggies much while at home every day as much as i wanted them when i worked outside of the house and was up more hours and sleeping less, hungry more, eating more....so i'd reach for veggies!)
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Was there something that was a predecessor for the card from ex-ish? that is so nice. :) Lately my own "R" is behaving like the biggest baby on earth. I actually told him i refuse to hang out with him today after he decided to yell and scream like a baby in my car yesterday. grrr.
It was completely out of the blue... But he's good that way... Little things here and there that show he thinks about me. Anything that we can try to get my ancient puppy to eat (he figured out the frozen cheeseburgers), CBD lotions, pliers to hold over till I get new grips for my good ones, fancy lunches, a movie he'd think I'd like. Valentine's cards... He does all the little things my mom would do that just made me feel cared about.
And then on the other hand... The crankypants sessions. Cranky just rolls in, something tiny bothers him, then everything bothers him, he realizes it's happening, goes and takes a break, and it rolls out again, like a rainstorm. Clear and sunny afterwards, but then I need recovery time. He handles it like a grown up... It's just it happens every freaking time I see him, not an 80/20 thing. I always think... How can he like me enough to want to be with me for the long haul if even the tiniest things bother him? You only get bothered by the small stuff if you don't actually like the person you are with and you are with them because they seem like a good choice (for whatever reason) but deep down you want something else.
Horn_of_plenty on 08/09/2020:
i feel your pain on the down days with these "boy men"