219.3
A little emotional today. Stressed, anxious, can’t really get started. Mom is sick, throwing up and I’m a little worried. I really need a hug, but don’t have anyone I can share with and get one. Just have to keep on keeping on and see what the next wave brings.
Why I can’t share with the people in my life:
And so that leaves the Occupational Therapist tomorrow and that is where I can actually share and get some coaching... but it’s not a hug. I could use a hug.
OOMLG did have the eight idea about self-hugs. Woke up early this morning for some quiet time and dyed my roots, gave myself a conditioning treatment and blew out my hair. Then I made meal prep breakfast of spinach, eggs, and half an uncured chicken sausage. 5 of them are sitting there for the week. Next I took vitamins and read posts on markmanson.net because I like his blog and it gives me a lift to read a new article about emotions and psychology even when it doesn’t apply to me.
Working on more self-hugs. Will post some more.
Give your self a hug now if you are reading this. It really helps.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
219.0 again today. The scale is laughing at me. I keep trying and trying but no luck. Maybe it will be lower tomorrow. My mom is down to 191 and exploring the size 1x clothes I gave her... and keeps rubbing it in because she knows my weight isn’t moving.
Something is changing though... I feel like I’m shrinking. I impulse bought a pair of size 10 lucky brand jeans as goal jeans and had to wear them today because everything else is trying to escape. I tried on size 12 pants at Ross tonight and they were huge... but it’s Ross. I will have to see what I weigh tomorrow and take new measurements. I tried to get dressed for a date with the kickboxing instructor on Sunday and was all excited about my outfit, but the boots I got out of storage I was so excited about were ridiculously huge in the calf and all my bras are flopping open. I had to wear yoga pants and sneakers... but he still said I looked good.
My score tonight at Ross was a green UnderArmor hoodie that will be perfect under my black down vest for dog walks. I have not yet found shirts or hoodies for winter in storage... it’s all golf, tennis and ski stuff so far and I’m too cold/hot. Winter in LA is weird weather. All about light thin layers and a windbreaker. Also in dire need of chinos or other non-jeans pants. Jeans everyday is too hot and they don’t dry... ever.
Have to say I really, really like the kickboxing instructor. He is super great company and a heck of a kisser. We went to the Japanese garden, frozen yogurt, a movie (wreck it ralph 2) and then got drive thru. He had to work at 11. I ordered hot wings, had 3 and a few of the fries and then sent him to work with the other half. Bringing it home would have created drama with my dad and I do not need 3 more hot wings or a bunch of fries. Fries are not our friends.
Tonight I came home to discover my dad bought a pumpkin pie at the grocery store. I was sick to see also that there was about a quarter of it left. That means they each ate A LOT of sugar... and they are diabetic.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
I'm glad that you are having a nice time with Mr. Kickboxer. :)
And don't even get me started on food drama -- my husband has gone totally off plan for the holidays. And not just bad food, but HUGE portions. OK, I get eating bad foods, but why does it always have to be HUGE portions???
PS Did you like the movie? My son saw it - he loved it!
even tho you had nothing to wear, at least it's on a brighter note bc you are losing weight!
too bad the stores don't sell no sugar added pumpkin pies. i MUST make that...and a pumpkin cheesecake.!!!!!!one day. i have a lot of desserts i want to make !
Today is one of those days where you just wait for another wave and see what the tide brings in. Got up early and took a yoga class at the new studio. Got some bad news that I am not ready to talk about yet. Just coping.
I should really turn everything off and go to bed, but I should get two things done to reduce the giant pile of paperwork that is between me and the rest of my life.
One foot in front of the other. If I have learned nothing else the last 2 years it is that one sure way to make everything worse is to stop doing what I planned to do and react.
Breathe. Yoga breathing. Deep breaths.
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Right after I wrote this my dog let out the most awful fart. Guess she is really relaxing in the bedroom and all is right with her world... She always knows what to do to get me out of a mood. Rarely is it anything cute and cuddly... but she loves me.
Seeing the kickboxing instructor tomorrow. Afternoon in the Japanese Garden at CSULB.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
Have fun with Mr. Kickboxer today!
I did it! I got the bed down in my old bedroom! It will take another session of lifting heavy things to sleep in there, but the bed is down and the door can be closed. Maybe I will do more tomorrow. I had to take 2 flexeril last night after I drove my parents to and from Thanksgiving with my dad’s friends... slept 9.5 hours and woke up too foggy to do anything or go anywhere. I told myself I’d just move 3 boxes... that’s all I had to do today... but I just kept going and next thing I knew I had it down.
I think sorting out clutter to rid the house of excess consumerism and impulse purchases is a great way to spend black friday.
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Mom’s response to me finally feeling well enough to do that project... Your bed can’t be there, it is on a terrible wall for feng shui. You will hear every noise. You will get every bad bathroom smell. I replied god forbid anyone should feel good about anything they have accomplished for even a minute. I have done all I can do today. This is as far as I could get.
My dad’s response was “so are you going to sleep in here now? I said no, it needs to be safer for an earthquake. I’d get hurt or trapped, but I can work on it more tomorrow but right now I need to rest my neck. He started fussing. Your neck, your neck... I’m tired of hearing about your neck!
Whatever happened to good job?
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Stumped for a good date idea for sunday. My turn to plan something. I’d like to do outdoors in the sunshine someplace relaxing but it’s high winds and he doesn’t have a windbreaker or wind blocking pants.
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8:30am - lara bar, 2 dark chocolate squares
12pm - skipped
1:30pm - a whole frozen thin crust pepperoni pizza, mostly because I was starving after 5h of moving stuff around and this was about 850 calories. It’s not very big.
3pm - another luna bar, despite the fact that I meal prepped yesterday and have chicken kale salads waiting???? Just too worn out to eat. Shower only sort of helped
5:20pm - Small chicken pho at the good pho place. Out of dog food and had to run out to buy more to make up. Realized that I was too in need of a break to be out... stopped off for some dinner. It feels good and human to be out again.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
pizza sounds good, i'm craving microwavable / frozen comfort food today too!!!! and i might just have some stuff (i do!) in my fridge for lunch! i even have pizza :)
yeah, i see you ate the luna bar instead of the salad - sometimes a salad is for when you aren't starving and tired...the luna bar is a good pick-me-up when you are down / tired / don't wanna digest and chew a lot of volume :)
It's good to get out of the house and be amongst humanity. I think that's why I set up these little errands for myself on the weekend, to get out and be with other people, even if I'm not necessarily interacting with them directly.
Have you thought about cannabis oil for your pain? (without the THC) Our associate attorney rubs some on his knee in the morning to be able to function. His secretary (one of the nicer co-workers) uses it for her dogs chronic pain. I think we're at the point of considering this for my husband's pain...
Happy Thanksgiving!
Tried to break through my inertia today. Not a lot of luck but tomorrow is a new day. Mostly ate on track. Bought a 1 month unlimited pass for yoga at a studio closer to me I can walk to if my neck hurts too much. They open again on Saturday.
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Can’t wait to see kickboxing instructor again on Sunday. He works this saturday.
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5am up walked dog to park.
6am coffee, protein shake
9am - eggs/ham/peppers/spinach/sweet potato
1pm out - salmon salad, falafel
6pm spaghetti lean cuisine, 1/3 a frozen pizza
9pm blueberries, 2 spoons of yogurt, 2 tbsp granola
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
I really wish I could fit yoga into my life. Why is this so hard for me to do?
Kickboxing Guy - is this the smoker? I forget. I'm so bad :(
I can’t seem to do yoga at home... only if I go to a studio... but it’s changed my life and vinyasa burns a ton of calories.
219.5 today. The scale is laughing at me.
Sorry I have been MIA. Holy moly 6 days! How did I go that long without DD? Must have been the new muscle relaxers making me too foggy to track or post. Anyway skipped them last night because I just couldn't take being foggy anymore.
Today is a good example of this quote from Castaway...
“I have to keep breathing. And tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring in.”
―
Things the tide brought in:
1) I am officially a size 12. Bought 2 pairs of sweatpants and a pair of jeans. Nothing fancy, just cheap basics... but they made me feel a million times better.
2) Had a second date with the hot kickboxing instructor. He took me to a matinee and lunch. We met up at 10, he went back to work at 4... and it wasn’t enough time. I could literally have spent a week hanging out with him. We lucked out on the table for lunch and got a perfect view of all the boats in the marina. We also walked along the canals. It was perfect weather and there’s nothing better than good company on a beautiful day.
3) Something to look forward to... Dog sitting for Christmas! That will be nice. To have some downtime.
4) Got home before my parents and had an hour to sit in peace and quiet with my dog.
Hope springs eternal.
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Things I ate today:
No idea on the calorie count.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
Dog sitting for Christmas - lovely!
yeah, i wouldn't hold off the tortilla strips either...love anything "tortilla" tasting...nachos, tacos, wraps...ohhh yum!
Sounds like a mighty nice date :)
and congrats on feeling better and fitting into a size 12! you've done a great job here since you started, losing slow and in a way that you'll learn to be your best self and keep it off!
Grrr... Getting after it. Did lots of worthwhile things to be a functional adult again. I can do this. For the tally... A bunch of housekeeping things to get ready for the water to be turned off for 2 days tomorrow (city maintenance). Then I womaned up and handled personal business I have been slacking on. I am working every day to be worthy of the last 2 guys I met and was *almost* good enough for.
Although... It should be noted... I did get a nice good morning text from the crazy hot kickboxing instructor. But he has not made plans to see me, lol.
Did not keep track of my food today... getting a little lost without Rise so I need to restart that... Maybe next month. Breathe. One foot in front of the other.
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9:42pm... in bed. Dying for the kickboxing instructor to text me again but guess not.
Here’s what I think I ate today...
B: 350 cal oatmeal, protein, nuts and fruit + seed mix and grated ginger
Snack: Peanuts
B2: protein powder and espresso powder, only drank half
L: 1/2 chicken breast, bbq sauce, seeet potato, butter
Snack: 2/3 of a frozen pizza
Snack: Strawberry lara bar with 1 ghiradelli dark chocolate squares
D: Chicken thigh, rice and seed mix, 2 cups broccoli with butter
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
grated ginger! how cool. did you grate it yourself...? i have large pieces of ginger at home, haven't decided what to use them for, yet.
your foods are awesome. so healthy, so tasty! nice job Happy - you are getting it wayyyy back on track 100%
Ginger... I put it in the food processor and then freeze it in water to make ice cubes (nutrients oxidize otherwise) in a silicone ice cube tray with a lid. Then I can just drop a cube or two into recipes. I buy it in bulk to save. Plus I probably go through a couple pounds a month.
I fell off track a lot. Need to pull it together.
Hey, are you being affected by the fires at all?
219.5... YAY. I'm not going completely off track while I get my paperwork together.
Spent the day contemplating moving out. Friend from church needs a roommate and I offered her a temp sublet for a month or two so she can find someone... but it turns out she’s not renting the whole room by itself... she’s doing a sharing setup with multiple people in one room. She’s also trying to rent out her couch. Basically as many as 6 roommates at a time in a 2 bedroom condo. It sounds like escalating crazy and I don’t think it’s a good idea. She also doesn’t want anyone who is dating as a roommate. That’s not going to work, lol.
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Deleted all of the kickboxing instructor’s digital trail. It won’t work out... He doesn’t have his own place and I am on my parent’s couch still... and I’ve pretty much wrecked my life... so I’m not competitive enough. I’ll text back but I won’t bug him first anymore. He’s got more than enough going on without my complications.
I need to give myself a hug, get up and get back on track.
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Got a lot done today. Real progress. Feeling pretty good about that. Onwards and upwards.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
I'm sorry to hear about Kickboxing Guy, but I trust that you're making the right decision for yourself. GOOD!
No weigh in today... Not enough sleep and forgot to do it. I did get back down to 220 over the weekend. Fell off track a bit with sleep, eating and exercise Fri night - Sunday... But I am back on track today. Got up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep... but I walked my dog to the park, drank lots of water, ate my oatmeal, and next I will bike to the store to get my dog her favorite bagels.
Made some progress yesterday on paperwork. Getting back to being a functional adult.
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6:30pm. Spent the day not terribly productive, except for 2 dog walks and a bike ride. Cannot get guy from Friday night off my mind. He is literally occupying all the available space in my brain. Those must be some pheromones... Or it was the secondhand nicotine. Geez. Who was OOMLG? What was so great about him? I don't remember. Something something. What did he even look like? Seems hazy.
Fighting off the urge to down an entire pizza to bury inconvenient emotions.
One foot in front of the other. Logging here as I go for "virtual" company as I conquer paperwork tasks that are between me and getting to know a super tall, super hot kickboxing instructor that thinks I'm adorable.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
Had a fun date tonight. We met up for frozen yogurt. Nice to go out with someone who actually likes me for a change. I’d see him again. He’s a big, good-looking guy and pretty good company. Catch (in addition to others but it is all a trade off) is that he is definitely more than just an occasional smoker... And that’s a little... gross.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
Ya know, I hear ya on the smoking thing, but take live in the moment with this. I'm a non-smoker, but I'd take a smoker & have someone to do things with over being lonely.
PS I keep forgetting to mention this but your bikini picture - WOW!!!!!
Thanks! It’s amazing how bodyfat percentage matters more than weight on the scale.
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the idea of getting me to hug myself was quite nice indeed, why thank you! :)
and i'll send you a virtual hug now <> that's my arms hugging you :)
it's sounds like you like your kickboxing instructor best. I have an idea about it...let him chase you. so many people say it and i agree that men are hunters. the minute we chase them, they run the other way..
LOL! I know, right? I wait for him to text me.
And thank you for the hug. Hugs back <>
Donkey on 11/29/2018:
I'm with Horn on this one. Let him chase you. Play it cool and just enjoy where you're at right now.
I'm trying. Keeping it calm.