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happy-1 - Thursday Dec 30, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Thursday, Dec 30, 2021 5:14am:

Up at 4 today, which is promising. It's another day of pouring rain. Yay! I love rain. Maybe today is the day to get a cup of coffee and sit watching it.

Had a scary moment this morning. I woke up to the smell of burning plastic and found that the cord for my space heater had gone bad. Scary. Shopping today.

Body Battery is up to 87 today. Very promising.

 

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/30/2021:
I love the inspirational meme.

Whoa, that is very scary! I'm glad that you caught it in time. That is a very distinctive, acrid smell. I hope it doesn't linger too long in your room... When I was young and in my first apartment, it was the middle of a summer night (windows open), when I was awoken by that smell. Turned out one of the little stores across the street had caught on fire. Frightening!

happy-1 on 12/30/2021:
Right?

Sounds like one of those pivotal memories that really sticks with you!


happy-1 on 12/30/2021:
Also, naturopath couldn’t tell me why I am struggling so hard after the moderna 7 months later. Ugh.


Jacky82020 on 12/30/2021:
Love the meme.

Scary about the heater.

I can recommend a safe good electric one that doesn’t get hot to tge touch. Used this type for ages. Long & thin, lays on floor. Heats on the slow side compared to other electric heaters, but gets there & is considered very safe.

happy-1 on 12/30/2021:
Yes please!


Donkey on 12/30/2021:
^ I would be interested to know the brand of that space heater, Jacky.


bearcountrygg on 12/30/2021:
Wow...That is scary....did the smoke detectors go off?

happy-1 on 01/08/2022:
No... it didn't get to actual fire. the plastic was black. If it had run longer, probably would have. I have fire extinguishers in every room b/c of dad's oxygen tanks... little bombs waiting to go off.



happy-1 - Wednesday Dec 29, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Wednesday Dec 29, 2021 6:30 am:

Up on time with enough sleep. Yay me. I'm super hungry...Trying to hold off on breakfast till after I exercise. I need to get moving.

Fell apart a but yesterday due to lack of sleep. Today is a chance to try again.

Pebble by pebble

 

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/29/2021:
Very good list...lots of truths there!

happy-1 on 12/30/2021:
Right? Do you think it is in order of priority?


happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
7:38am done eating and running the cat around with the laser pointer for a peaceful day.

happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
8am… not going to get any more “ready” to get out there and do $&@# if I keep waiting. New pants would help.

happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
9 am - realized I spent an entire hour shopping for pants to run in instead of running. Too late to start now.

Took me 35 min after that to get ready for first set of tasks. Scattered, stressed, discombobulated. Could have used 20 min more rem last night, but have enough to get through the day. A bunch of false starts but “ready” at 9:45 to start cranking.

happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
11:35 - back from errands. Chicken in oven, pouring rain. Taking a rest break. Cat wants to play

happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
12:45-2 - Fog time. Not really sure where this time went 2pm - Prepped for doc appt. 3-4pm doc appt 4pm - burned soup 4:45 pm taking a break from stats to regroup

happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
5pm, ate. I don't know what to do with myself next... everything is just... so much work.

To do list, calendar, voicemail I guess.

happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
%:30 - finished with to do list and helping dad get dinner. Burned out. Honestly all I want to do is set everything up for tomorrow to make it easy to go for a run, then curl up in bed and count my hours from DD for time management.

happy-1 on 12/29/2021:
8:30pm. Lost the last several hours, but at least i stuck to my calories and went to bed on time.


Donkey on 12/30/2021:
What I really loved about this is the ending: stuck to your calories, got to bed on time. I think that's a pretty good day.

Also, if I may gently chuckle with you, I enjoyed the pants shopping for running (instead of actually running) and false starts. Oh boy does that sound so familiar to me. :-)

happy-1 on 12/30/2021:
Yeah... It correlates with the amount of REM I got last night.



happy-1 - Tuesday Dec 28, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Tuesday Dec 28, 2021 6:23 am

To the annals of "fun with ADHD" we can add waking up on time at 5 for fasting labs at 6:20 am which were a miracle to get an appointment for, but not being awake enough to remember not to slug down almond milk with AM meds.

(Mama Cat says she tried to keep me away from the almond milk this morning. What other options did she have besides a toe chomp?)

 

* face palm *

Aaargh.

Revising my plan for the day.

I should run.

I miss yoga studios.

I miss kayaking and surfing.

I need to get my &%$@ together.

 

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
6:35am... Dressed in running clothes. Eating. Coffee, meal prep breakfast and a muffin. Brain finally on. Weighed in at 249.8lbs today. Augh.

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
6:55am done eating. Brain not as "on" as I need it to be.

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
7:19am - Realized I am stuck here to wait for Fedex delivery.

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
8:30am - Foggy, so I checked Garmin sleep stats and discovered it didn't track my sleep last night! Ugh!!! Called customer service. finished about 9am

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
9:30... still foggy... checked sugar and hydration. Everything is good... ugar is surprisingly in range and inexplicably stable.

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
9:50 - Took some Tylenol and checked my BP... it is shockingly good, even on ADHD meds. Why do I have a splitting headache and feel like total @$%&?

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
10:30 brain is still trying to escape my head.

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
11-1:245 - Coworking. Tackled posting 2 challenge topics. Part of 1 to do list item. Exhausted and burnt out. I need a nap.

12:45-1:15 ate. Chicken and brussel sprouts

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
315pm - Resting didn’t help. I am wiped and no idea why.


bearcountrygg on 12/28/2021:
When you need to remember something set it all up the night before...put a bottle or glass of water with the pills to remind you........My youngest son has a closed head injury from a motorcycle accident.....he uses a lot of post it notes and other cues to remind him of things......and it helps him a lot.

happy-1 on 12/28/2021:
Better buy stock in post its... I need a lot of cues and rreminders


Maria7 on 12/28/2021:
Your Mama cat sounds so sweet.


bearcountrygg on 12/28/2021:
He needs a lot of cues and reminders too......it's usually not easy for him but he figured out what works for him and he sticks to that. He is a lot like you in that he loves electronics...needs to know how everything works and really gets absorbed in detail of a lot of things I will never be able to understand....He talks of things that are WAY over my head...reads books that I could never read but he thrives on it........You two are both highly intelligent......


Horn_of_plenty on 12/28/2021:
ohhh don't our pets know us just so well!?!? i love when pets learn to trust you and they know they are safe in your arms!


Donkey on 12/29/2021:
Ugh, I hope you don't have COVID... I'm hearing with omicron that a headache is a common symptom. Actually, though, it doesn't have to be COVID. Maybe your body is fighting off something else, e.g. sinus infection, and that's why you feel wiped out. I vote for resting. I tried to push through my own fatigue yesterday and rather regretted it. If I had taken a nap, I think it would have been a better 2nd half of the day.

I hope you feel better today (Wednesday).



happy-1 - Monday Dec 27, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Monday Dec 27, 2021, 11am:

Inexplicably stayed up till 1am packing supplements and watching Netflix. Missed fasting lab appointment at 6am and woke up at 10. Pulling it back together today.

2h REM under my belt though! 

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/27/2021:
10am - Woke up, meds... took Concerta even though I am off schedule. 10:30m, made my bed and put on running clothes 11am - logged into coworking. Pomodoro 1, make a todo list for today.

happy-1 on 12/27/2021:
Pomodoro 1 ended up being eating breakfast and finding todo list. Pomodoro 2 is opening calendar and printing pages... Getting calendar together for the upcoming week... which normally I do on Sundays, but just spaced out packing supplements all day yesterday.

happy-1 on 12/27/2021:
pomodoro 3 is dealing w dad's calendar

happy-1 on 12/27/2021:
8:30pm - no idea where today went. All I have to show for it is an updated calendar and some logged calories. At least I am in bed on time

9:30 - too hungry to sleep


Horn_of_plenty on 12/27/2021:
lol sometimes a cat is better than a dog if it snuggles! :) funny photo below!

you sound good like you are bouncing back and getting a lot done between today and tomorrow.


Jacky82020 on 12/28/2021:
You’re keeping busy. Busy is good


bearcountrygg on 12/28/2021:
Did you forget about your appointment?


Donkey on 12/28/2021:
Nice to see you getting more REM sleep recently! I usually get about an hour, sometimes a wee bit more. I tend to get better sleep scores when I sleep 7+ hours, although I oftentimes wake up feeling exhausted.



happy-1 - Sunday Dec 26, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Sunday Dec 26, 2021 8:10am:

Survived Christmas without major fights or drama, just was too tired to do much... but today... Today I have 2 hours of REM sleep and clean eating under my belt. Today I can do anything... Paperwork? Errands? Chores? A run? Yoga? Challenge content? Bring it on!!!

A run and yoga are clearly the priority... But I have such a warm, purring, happy cat. She's been trying to settle on me since 7. Who can resist this face???

This is why I also need a dog. Out! Out! I want a walk! Woof!

 

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
Or I can just sneeze. Apparently that makes a cat move

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
9:20… ate. Meal preps from yesterday. Pumpkin muffin.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
9:40... still sitting on my butt. The bad habits I built before I got the cpap are weighing me down.

Why is it that all I can think about is 1) How did I get 2h of REM after I took the CPAP off in my sleep, but not before... 2) What were my macros yesterday?

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
10am - Just figured out how to see Cronometer's macro summary... I was a lot closer yesterday! Needed fewer carbs... Like half the single serving of rice I had at lunch?

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
11am - snapped out of the hypnosis of DD comments and working on stats. Made a fasting lab appointment... the only one for weeks apparently. Must have been a cancellation.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
12:10 snapped out of stats hypnosis... got to the point where I can at least download my activities from Garmin and then automatically populate days with workouts into my summary.

Washed dishes, offered dad food. Dad has a New Years resolution for weight loss and said no. I nuked one of the PAF meals he won't eat.

12:50. Taking a break to eat.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
1:48 pm... ate another muffin. Done following up on replacement cpap.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
2:50pm - Broke the spell of stats (which now tell me which activities I did on which days automatically with all my other stats. Put on running clothes. 2h left of daylight

2:55pm back in chair. I basically don't feel like moving my car to go run.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
3:10 - Custom timer created for neck stretches and yoga classes in Garmin so now I can start them from my watch and automatically log them.


bearcountrygg on 12/26/2021:
I just discovered a couple of days ago that if I whistle....the cat leaves the room.....good to know...LOL...that may come in handy sometime!

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
HA!!! I'll whistle the next time she starts licking my hand to tell me she wants a lap cuddle and to move what's in the way!!!


Maria7 on 12/26/2021:
Please pray that my Daughter finds her cat, Piper, that has been missing a few days. Daughter very worried over her.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
Oh no!!!! Is she microchipped?


bearcountrygg on 12/26/2021:
Isn't it funny how we all seem to be so willing to let our pets make the rules...LOL....I know I'm guilty.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
Well... she's Mama Cat... she knows best.


Donkey on 12/26/2021:
LOL, I love the meme. It's so true! And you're right about dogs vs. cats. That hadn't occurred to me (after all these years), but it's true, too.



happy-1 - Saturday Dec 25, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Saturday Dec 25,2021 6am:

Merry Christmas!

Up in time to take  yoga or run, which is all I wanted for Christmas. Accidentally fell asleep without the cpap on. I had it on, I was in bed. I had stomach cramps from a slice of no sugar added apple pie and spent about 4 hours in misery, so I wasn't wearing it when I fell asleep. Waiting for sleep stats to post at 6:30am to see whether I should be doing yoga in my bedroom or if I can drive to run.

Plan for today is to be accessible to my dad and look at photos. Dinner tonight will be good.

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
And Mama Cat gave me a good morning grooming for Christmas.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
When COVID is over, I’m spending a week at a spa and getting massages as frequently as I give them to this cat.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
6:45am… enough REM to drive… stood up, neck and back said “how about that yoga class at 8am first, please?”

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
7:40 am - Body says feed me first. Went out to try to make breakfast for dad and ended up crosswise with him. I lost the grocery receipt for yesterday. It was higher than normal... I bought some Christmas cards and a gift card for a friend's birthday. Dad is upset about the cost.

8am - Eating cottage cheese, then looking for the receipt.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
8:15 - Can't find the receipt. Told dad I will have to go get it reprinted tomorrow (they can do that, right?). Dad says today is turning into a nightmare for him, and to leave him alone. Fine.

UGH. I just can't win. Having a hard time thinking through neck and back pain to turn it around. Next yoga class is 9am.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
Reading tips for managing burnout when you can't walk away...

https://www.everydayhealth.com/burnout/what-to-do-about-burnout-if-quitting-is-not-an-option/

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
Reading tips for managing burnout when you can't walk away...

https://www.everydayhealth.com/burnout/what-to-do-about-burnout-if-quitting-is-not-an-option/

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
Caregiver depression...

https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/learn-signs-caregiver-depression/

Some of these... Lack of energy and difficulty with motivation Overwhelming fatigue and sleep issues Becoming unusually impatient or irritable with the care recipient or others Difficulty coping with everyday tasks Withdrawal and isolation from social circles Thoughts of abandoning the care recipient or “running away” to escape from the burden

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
Working on stats always cheers me up. A little progress anywhere I can find it makes a HUGE difference in my anxiety level.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
Maybe my sleep numbers have improved overall. Maybe counting calories is showing a trend I can hack for weight loss.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
11:10am, Mama Cat says time to stop working and pet me. Have I really just spent 3h on stats? Fed the cat

11:20am, Mama Cat says time to stop working and pet me. I'm too hungry. I go make the Christmas breakfast (and for the week) Dad says he doesn't want any.

12pm - I eat. Turkey, nopales, eggs

12:05 - Dad knocks on my door... I thought we were going to eat together? I thought you didn't want any? He says go back and finish whatever you are doing. Ugh! I stuff it down, and go get him avocado and green onion. While looking for the tomatoes, I discover they are dead and the bottom of the fridge needs to be cleaned out. I clean it out.

12:30pm I retreat back to my bedroom for a break. I feel like a jerk. His Christmas presents never came (refunded) I didn't do any volunteering this year. I haven't even done yoga or run. Aargh.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
1:10pm. Got stats far enough along for today... It now tells me if my weight is higher or lower than I should expect based on the last 7 days of my calories and includes my Cpap data (when I remember to record it)

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
1:15 - YES!!! Last several days have just been PMS. YAY! Tomorrow I will be back at it and I can plan an awesome new years eve!!!

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
1:54… augh. Teach your children to love bikes and they will never have money for drugs. To get started using garmin coach with the bike in my bedroom is $805 at REI… OW!!!! Why??? I have speedplay cleats on my awesome road bike and to put it on my crappy walmart mountain bike which is upright and easier on my neck while I pull my $&@# together, I need shoes, cleats, the power meter pedals, and a wrench. I’ll keep working on it. Get the price down… refurbished? Except the shoes, yuck.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
Although I could just do a cheap garmin power trainer ($369… but can’t take that on the road) and still do zwift ($14.99/mo)

https://www.cyclingweekly.com/group-tests/cheap-zwift-setup-what-you-need-462436

Realistically, am I ever going anywhere ever again anyway?

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
5pm - by setting 30 min timers I achieved cleaning up the kitchen table and getting dad’s requested holiday dinner on the table at 5pm… but dad is asleep. I had a half portion, all my veg, covered it up for later. Called my aunt back. She wants to know about the heat in dad’s room. I explained it’s the heart failure… he thinks the rest of the house is warmer because when he gets up and moves his body he feels the heat… I have garden thermometers and they say the heat is the same. Sigh…

5:30… taking a break to watch netflix

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
6:30 - Dad woke up as I was making no bake keto cream cheese spread to go on the keto fiber muffins… fed him and sat with him in small doses as I did cleanup.

7:40 - dad hit the “%#€£ christmas” button. Its the annual close of christmas at my house… time for everyone to scurry off to their hidey holes for tomorrow. He lasted an amazing length of time. It’s usually about 9am.

My fiber cakes are still out. Shoot.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
8pm - got laundry hung up to dry and fiber muffins into bedroom to cool. Dad wanted me to come in and talk to him… The difference with a CPAP is I know it’s a bad idea. I’ll remind him tomorrow.

8:30 - called a friend.

Aaaaah Netflix and CPAP till I go to bed.

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
8;50 in bed cpap on.


Donkey on 12/25/2021:
Merry Christmas, Happy!!!

I'm sorry to hear about the tummy problems. Do you think it was the pie that caused it?

happy-1 on 12/25/2021:
Yeah, probably the Sucralose or the wheat. I haven't had either of those in a few months.

Merry Christmas!


Donkey on 12/25/2021:
I read the burnout article, which I thought had some good ideas. Not easy ideas, but good ones. I wish I had read that 20 years ago.

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
Ugh... Right? I need to type up bullet points and stick it on my monitor


bearcountrygg on 12/25/2021:
I so understand your caregiver feelings......it is so hard......I had never been a crier but I did reach that point.......and it was awful!!! I wish I had some wisdom to give.....I really did think that I was going to lose it at 1 point...and the only way I got through it was to distance myself more and that helped a lot. It is especially hard when the person you are caring for has OPINIONS!!!!!! Here you are...giving up your life for them and they want to run the show!!!!! ((HUGS))

happy-1 on 12/26/2021:
Hugs.... ty for "getting it".


Horn_of_plenty on 12/25/2021:
I love all your Memes that you posted this week! i couldn't agree more about being your own obstacle! how true. that is def one of the hardest to admit / break away from! :) so much truth.

The rain you had is here now. It may rain all day...fine by me, i have an indoor stationary bike!

glad your cpap is helping so much. isn't that wonderful!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



happy-1 - Friday Dec 24, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Thursday Dec 24,2021 9am:

OMG. The joy of 2.5+ hours of REM sleep. And a cup of coffee. All I wanted for Christmas.

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
I can do it all… a run, rx pickup… groceries. I can do all the things I have been struggling with the past couple of days!

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
And I don’t even mind the super weird dreams about driving a poop-powered prius and rescuing stray cats.

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
9am coffee and cobb salad 10 showered 10:45 still getting organized. It’s so disruptive to suddenly feel SO MUCH BETTER. I’m also about 4h off schedule so no alexa prompts to walk me through. I dunno where to start.

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
Apparently where to start was cleaning the cat box and vacuuming my bedroom. Wiping down my bathroom. Why do I always default to cleaning when I wake up spacey? Not that I don’t need to do it, but I’m burning daylight on low priority stuff and I was supposed to run today.

11:00 just finished checking sugar… a nice low 157… took a glipizide… made keto hot breakfast, put things away from yesterday (I made a huge mess because I was tired).

11:35 finished eating. Do I go fill prescriptions or vacuum the house?

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
Apparently I am starting with staring into space. Setting a timer to get up and move at 12.

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
Didn’t last the full timer for rest. Got up, vacuumed dad’s room and house, wore myself out.

12:15, sat, checked hydration… I’m spacey because I’m dehydrated.

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
Made dad lunch, washed almost all the dishes. Ate (2 egg rolls, 6 wings, coleslaw, ranch dressing)

1:40 sitting, breathing. Tired. Back hurts

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
1:55 - tylenol. Sitting a little longer

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
2:20 - went on errands, groceries. Got dad his favorites for a calm day tomorrow.

4:10pm. Butt in chair, making a diy pizza. A snack before dinner

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
(Finally bought christmas cards… a box for next year… and a bunch that say happy new years for this one)

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
Tried to eat dinner with dad. I made salmon. He said it was overcooked. I gave up. I put food away and went to lie down. Set a timer for 20 minutes. I’ll try again for dessert… apple pie

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
(That was 5pm)

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
5:25 - got back in there and heated up the apple pie

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
6:15 in bed… omg I made it.

happy-1 on 12/24/2021:
8pm. Couldn’t fall asleep, got up and had another slice of apple pie. Something about it doesn’t agree with me. Dealing with severe stomach cramps


bearcountrygg on 12/24/2021:
Mery Christmas HAP...........Glad that you are having a good day because of good sleep....Hopefully there will be many more of those!


Maria7 on 12/24/2021:
Glad you are feeling energized. Merry Christmas!



happy-1 - Thursday Dec 23, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

 Thursday 12-23-21 5:11am:

  • Up before 4.
  • Took mask off in the middle of the night but managed to put it back on again instead of rolling over and going back to sleep.
  • Weighed in but forgot to check fasting sugar... I must have really wanted coffee!
  • Solid kitty cuddles to wake me up. She's just so delicious.
  • Didn't eat after fasting last night
  • Kept calories in range
  • Mysteriously gained 2lbs back
  • Worst headache ever and super hungry
  • The day before me is overwhelming... I need to go grocery shopping and try to get my dad out for a bagel or something
  • Raining today. Maybe I should run anyway.

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
5:30 done writing. Cat still on me. Not going anywhere soon

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
6:20- first light. Too hungry to run.

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
Fasting till 7

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
6:33 - checked sleep stats. Supposedly enough rem to function but I think it counted the time I was awake and struggling to get the mask back on as rem

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
6:40 - prepped keto hot breakfast. using collagen instead of protein powder to cut carbs.

7am breakfast - nopales and eggs with turkey, rf cheddar, hot sauce... and a keto HB. Calorie loading thisAM, see if I do better than yesterday

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
6:40 - prepped keto hot breakfast. using collagen instead of protein powder to cut carbs.

7am breakfast - nopales and eggs with turkey, rf cheddar, hot sauce... and a keto HB. Calorie loading thisAM, see if I do better than yesterday

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
8am - called one of my mom’s friends 9am she said I sounded flat all of a sudden

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
Created my own drama by checking on dad before I ran and saying yes to taking him for a haircut because I forgot it was raining in the moment (adhd). Tried to run, no energy to walk. Came home despondent started to cry. Created more drama. Slapped myself in the face. Checked stats. Sugar had spiked massively after my breakfast that only had 15 carbs

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
10:30 took a glipizide. Will still try to take dad for a haircut at 11

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
And had a piece of string cheese and water

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
11:45 - sugar dropping. Feeling better. Why didn’t I think to jump on my bike trainer instead of glipizide? I think I just justified buying the power meter for the bike that works with garmin. And the new rule is run or move or do something as soon as I wake up if I am over 140. After coffee, of course. Mmmm coffee.

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
12:30 - ate to have energy. 12:45 - tried to leave with dad again. drizzle has turned into pouring rain till 5pm. I am such a jerk. I am not winning at taking care of my old, sick, dying father.

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
1pm… such a mess

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
2pm. It’s finally over. He canceled the appointment. I’m dying for coffee, but I know better. Stevia chips and almonds

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
3pm - made a diy cauliflower pizza

happy-1 on 12/23/2021:
I made brownies. Ate half.


Donkey on 12/23/2021:
(((hugs))) Sounds like you have a tough day ahead of you, but just take it one step at a time. You can only do what you can do at that moment.

We're getting rain for Christmas... I'm OK with that.


bearcountrygg on 12/23/2021:
Very good putting the mask back on in the middle of the night......subconscious is realizing that it is a good thing and helps!!! Hope your headache goes away soon.....


Donkey on 12/24/2021:
You're very harsh with yourself, it seems.


Jacky82020 on 12/24/2021:
Love the motto!

Take it easy. Happy Holidays!



happy-1 - Wednesday Dec 22, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Tuesday December 22, 2021 5:30am:

Trying to stay out of bed this AM to wind up faster for better mental focus. The cat finds this unacceptable so we compromised... she gets the center 1/3 of my desk and I get my lap. Pushy and insistent! You would never know she was a stray 6 months ago. So fluffy and plump. Delicious.


I may have bailed on yoga, but it was the right choice. I stuck to my fast by going to bed at 7. If I just make that my bedtime, will I stop eating at night when I am supposed to be fasting? Fingers crossed.

Calories yesterday said they were over by a couple of hundred, but this morning they were under by a couple of hundred... so who knows????? They are higher than what I actually ate because it includes the salad toppings I didn't eat.


Sugar yesterday got better. This morning was promising until I calibrated. Sigh.

 

I'll calibrate in a minute but seeing it closer to in range is so hope- generating, I almost hate to do it.

Today is a dad day but first I will run.

Deep thought for today:

 

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
Also ear is better. Neck hurts like hell.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
5:45 - finished writing

Stumbled around waking up, weighed in. 246.2. That’s 3.7 down since last week’s rise to a high of 249.9… promising, but still in the range of natural weight fluctuation.

6:30 checked sleep stats. Not enough rem. Slept 9:20, but only got 0:58. I turned the cpap down from 16 to 9 last night to let my ear heal and I guess it wasn’t high enough. I’ll turn it up to 10.4 tonight and see if that is better. It says my apnea was higher last night, I remember taking it off in my sleep, 12:30am? All my REM was after I took it off.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
7:45 done with run. Faster pace… 16:41. Only 20 hours recovery. Because I ran before I ate? Because I slept 9:20 and carved into my recovery bank? I don’t know. It was walk 5, run 10, walk 5. Might switch bak to the 10k to get a full 30 min program. Tell me what to do computer. I, for one, welcome our robot overlords. ;)

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
8 am trader joes 9am tj’s cobb salad for breakfast (too few calories, but better than nothing) 99cent store run… shockingly sold out of christmas stuff, but got flowers for my mom.

9:40am back. Dad raked me over the coals while telling me about a call with his gp. I walked away to manage my stress and sugar, per therapist instructions. I feel like a jerk, but no sense burning energy faster than I have to today. Food is out and melting. It is what it is.

10am done with shower. Resting. I should get up and eat but theres a fat, fluffy, and warm cat on my lap.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
10:30 - evicted the cat. Ate 500 more calories. Dried my hair and put on makeup for once. Put away groceries. Wore myself out.

11 - butt in chair, ready for coworking but tired. Need to conserve mental energy for dad stuff today.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
11:30 - tried to face coworking and discovered it is on break for the holiday! yay!

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
11:35 - ordered the last box of christmas cards for pickup at target. :-0

11:40 - went out to get food. Got crosswise with dad. Can I go back to bed?

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
1:41 30 seconds later… “Oh good”, says Mama Cat, “You’re in bed. Let’s cuddle.”

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
1 pm. Ate. Supplements I forgot to take today

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
Tried to get started on something productive… anything that actually matters. Not so much. Can’t pull it together. So tired. Checked calories… 800 short based on the run???? Still have 1000 calories left for dinner.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
4:45pm. Home. Done. Shockingly the dermatologist says no need for 2 bandage changes per day for one ointment, but not for the other????

I told dad to email the GP and dermatologist to clarify. If he doesn't, we're doing 2 bandage changes by default... or I'm offering 2x a day, fighting and failing. I'll push as much as I can. I can't even get him to go for a walk.

5pm, just showered. Eating a frozen dinner and going to bed. I give up.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
6pm. ready to go to bed. I didn't do enough today. I apparently have 300 more calories in my calorie budget and I just can't eat, I'm so tired.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
7:30 - Dad's laundry is done and I'm going to bed.

Today was just such a mess. I didn't get anything done that moved me forward. There was no happy lunch out with dad today. He's in bad shape and weak, imprisoned under his own weight. The trip to the doctor was a struggle... I left my phone at home. I didn't check his clothes yesterday and they needed a wash.

We conflict, he's horrible, but he's my dad. I wish I was doing better by him, instead of falling over every time I stand up to help him.

Still... got him to medical care and back. Bedding change. Christmas dinner in the fridge. I ran. That's not nothing.

I'm worn out and down.


bearcountrygg on 12/22/2021:
Your cat is adorable...I think she and Sampson would like each other........he stares out the window watching the cats that just roam around here....one comes up to the window and looks for him....but will not let us get anywhere near it........The sign is right on!!!!

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
Aaaaaw. I bet they would. They could stare out the window together. I need to put an herb garden for her up on her perch. A bird feeder to attract entertainment.

I don’t picture you getting in your own way. It must be!


Donkey on 12/22/2021:
Your kitty is so beautiful! My tortie cat (Baby Kitty) doesn't have as much orange in her as yours does. Also, all of her whiskers - except 1 - are black. She has 1 white whisker, lol...

Thank you for posting inspirational quotes. This one today is dynamite. This is what I needed to hear today.

I give you 110% props for your fasting. I was such a baby about fasting yesterday for my blood work. I just can't seem to do it any more.

Glad to hear the ear feels better, but that's really bad about your neck pain. See the chiro today?

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
I should, but the paradox is if I run to improve my cardiovascular health and sugar before doing dad duty, I will crash by the end of the day. I’ll have to figure it out tomorrow.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
Your kitty sounds gorgeous!

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
You are relentless. Even if you take a step back, you take 2 forward.


legcramps on 12/22/2021:
Your cat looks like she is certainly compromising on the desk versus lap thing. She kinda looks like she feels like she is on the losing side of that one. LOL

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
She does attempt my lap… i have a blanket on right now… she would really prefer it if I went back to bed, but that won’t keep us in kitty treats.


Maria7 on 12/22/2021:
Your cat looks happy. She also looks a lot like my Daughter's cat, Piper.

happy-1 on 12/22/2021:
She is a force of furry positivity in a difficult situation. Love animals.

Aw! Clearly your daughter has good taste!



happy-1 - Tuesday Dec 21, 2021
(FlrBkfstFdAgYlog,BpNs14h2doPln-25010cr10Kstp1G9bed)
Weight: 250.0

Tuesday Dec 21, 2021 5 am:

Deep thought for this AM...

Yesterday I made myself miserable by forgetting to check sleep stats and still trying to do the day I had planned, then beating myself up for not being able to do it. When the nurse told me I was going to have to start changing the bandages on my dad's butt 2x a day, I panicked. I felt the walls closing in. I'm not getting better faster than my dad is getting sicker...

Thankfully, the Ex-ish told me I was just tired and needed to go to bed (this is why there's an ish in Exish... of all the people I know, he's the one that pushes me to be stronger and keep moving forward... where would I be without him?) so instead of staying up late and watching tv and eating, I went to bed at 6:45 and managed not to eat anything. Fasting sugar is 16 points lower than yesterday which was lower than the day before... 

Way under calories too... even though I didn't work out. I thought there would be a 5:45 yoga class but it was cancelled.

Inch by inch...


 

 

Progress as of today: 67 lbs lost so far, only 90 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
5:29 - done writing

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
6:38 am… got more rem than yesterday when my mask seal was bad, but still feeling wrecked from cpap issue last night. My right nostril blocked up while I was asleep and somehow I ended up with a terrible sore throat, earache, and stiff tender neck. Also super hungry… it’s time to get to the track and run but augh… pain…

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
7:07 am… still sitting on my butt doing nothing, but earache is starting to ease up.

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
8:08. Made it through my 14h fast. Weighed in. Ear is easing up more. Eating. Turkey, eggs, cactus, hot sauce. I think I can start doing keto now that I’ve got the cpap.

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
8:30am 30 min argument with my dad about his butt bandages. He wouldn’t let me change them.

9am. Tried to fix nightshift monitor flicker again.

9:30am calling rt

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
8:30am 30 min argument with my dad about his butt bandages. He wouldn’t let me change them.

9am. Tried to fix nightshift monitor flicker again.

9:30am calling rt

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
10am tried to make dad blueberry pancakes

10:30 gave up, ran. You get up or you die. Benchmark run. 9 min. I was dreading ear pain, but weirdly running relieved it. Must have been respiratory pressure?

10:40 - break

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
11:11 should have started working 10 min ago. Wiped. Hungry. Ear hurts again. Ow.

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
11:45 made dad blueberry pancake muffins

12:00 Ate - chicken salad

12:30 - Caregiver group

1:45 - Group over. Worked on finding dad a ham dinner for Christmas. Found one at cocos. Not what he wants. He wants a whole spiral ham. Which I would have to cook, can't have any because it causes headaches, and then would have to watch him resist a trip to the ER.

2:30 - Defrosted freezer. Not as bad as I expected. Fancy hairdryer still works.

3pm - Went and offered to take dad for a walk, per nurse instructions.

3:20 pm sitting and using heating pad on ear. Booked a yoga class for 5:45. Something I can do with my anxiety. Rest

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
3:45 pm done looking for replacement monitors. Need to eat before yoga and fasting cut off

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
Ate chicken/sauce veg, cheese/crackers, stevia chips.

Sat and watched Netflix

5:45, tried yoga, bailed 12 min in because bending and my ear do not mix. Hope tomorrow is better.

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
6:30 everything set back up. Heating pad on ear. Put aligners in because i like to pile on the misery

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
6:45 offered to help dad with bandages… he said no. I’ll start pushing after his doc appts tomorrow

7 in bed. Forgot to take supplemenrs . Oh well. Too hard now


Donkey on 12/21/2021:
(((hugs))) I'm so glad that the Ex-ish was helpful. When we have times of panic, it really helps to have some third-party insights.

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
Yeah I don’t share too much about the daily horror of taking care of my dad with him. I try to keep that space sacred and only share high level… but it’s enough to get the push I need.


bearcountrygg on 12/21/2021:
If the sores on your dad's butt are bed sores or pressure sores....Then they will need a lot of care.....It may be time for a daily nurse....bed sores can get out of hand very quickly and I can tell you that my dad's drained and my father in laws were so bad you could see his intestines from the sore......diabetics are even worse for that...I'm not trying to scare you but I also want you to be aware of what they mean......

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
They are a fungal infection that if untreated can turn septic. I’m more worried he will fight me and not let me help him since he fights me on everything.


bearcountrygg on 12/21/2021:
Septic would be horrible...Had a sister in law almost die a couple of years ago from sepsis...hit her fast and hard......if he fights you ...then all the more reason to hire a nurse........That isn't anything to mess around with either....

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
Mom went septic. It was terrifying. I don’t want that for my dad. He’s so angry and vicious but also weak and helpless, trapped under fat.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2021:
LOVE the deep thoughts. very true. We die hard for our habits...GOOD or BAD!

sorry about the changing bandages on your dad's butt! can the nurse / aid do this time to time when they come if they still come? so you don't have to do it each day? Bear has a good point.

Also, sometimes going to bed early is a good thing if you could use the sleep. i sometimes go to bed early instead of eating more (as you prob know). usually it's more helpful to me, than not!

happy-1 on 12/21/2021:
I don't mind changing them... If I go get a CNA, I'll be doing thousands of those. It's that he has a horror of me doing that and won't let me. It's that he won't let me. He's 400lbs. There's a certain amount of cooperation required. If he doesn't want a butt bandage changed, it's not going to happen.

I have him talking to his GP tomorrow morning and his dermatologist tomorrow afternoon. They can tell him if the nurse is right or not.

Nurse comes 3x a week. If I have custodial care help in, I'll have them do it in the evening after I go to bed since I'm up at 4 and he's up whenever he feels like it. Plus I just can't deal with arguing with him at night. I don't have the strength to push him.


Donkey on 12/22/2021:
Stevia chips???

Personal, intimate care of a loved one is VERY difficult. The only thing that helped my Husband and I cross that line was his desperation (pain). It was a HUGE psychological drama to reconcile myself (ourselves) to being his caretaker like that -- for BOTH of us.



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