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happy-1 - Thursday Oct 25, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Streak day 5. Doing my best. PT was not what I expected. He basically rubbed a few spots on my back and then had me do some exercises on a foam roller. I got the distinct feeling that my injury is not exciting enough for him??? Maybe I’m just another fat chick? Or he doesn’t really think he can do anything for me? I dunno. Will do my best in the very perverse way that I absolutely do my best in front of someone I don’t jive well with so they can’t say anything bad about me. I also have a MASSIVE headache. Ugh. All I can think about is how badly I want to go to yoga.

Made parents dinner tonight. Greek chicken with babaghanoush, brown rice, veggies. A lot of dishes... Why do I seem to use so many dishes when I cook?

Also, meal prepped a bunch of oatmeal packets. Starting everyday

At least I can say I ate healthy, accomplished... something. A little hazy right now.

A little sad/bummed tonight and can’t shake it. Best thing to do is to go to bed and then get up early tomorrow. Try again and just keep trying.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/26/2018:
I agree that the best way to handle a sadness is to go to bed and start anew the next day. I hope you have a better day today.

horn_of_plenty on 10/26/2018:
Was this the first PT session.? he doesn't sound like he'll help you if that's how it went on the first round.

yummy babaghanoush ! i'm soooo jealous!

Sorry you are sad, but really nice job cooking a good meal!

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 24, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

220.9 today. Even though I am not moving much, the scale isn’t either. I don’t think my eating has been particularly controlled so it must be all the whole food nutritional changes keeping me steady. I don’t know how many days I am into my current graindart streak, (4?) but whatever it is, I am holding strong, my cough is almost gone, and I am headed to Yoga tonight. I am so desperate and eager to go, I want to drive over there right now and just wait in the parking lot for class to start... but it is only 11AM and class isn’t till 6PM and that probably isn’t the most productive use of my time today, lol. Plus eventually there would be a weird conversation about why I was in the parking lot so early with someone.

Went to PT yesterday. He says that I heal faster than most people and can expect to see a lot of progress very quickly. He did these tests where he manipulated my neck and spine and then tested my hand and says a little spacing yields big results so I not only heal fast I’m not that far gone. He wants me to see a neurologist to rule out migraines. Apparently if you have compressed nerves you can have migraines but not feel them???? Anyway this guy is a super buff and GQ Asian “dude”. I am sure he surfs, drives a rice burner, posts food and “look how cute my girlfriend is” pics to Instagram, has a million friends he goes on group trips with... the type of guy in real life I would try to avoid like the plague but in this case I am super grateful I got in the luck of the draw... because these guys are usually super focused and problem solvers... and now I am his problem to solve. Yes!

Listened to “The 4 Agreements” by Don Ruiz yesterday on Audible. Kind of mind-blowing. I have to think about it for a while before I post about it.

Molly is being amazing to me and having me over for my birthday. Love her.

Also discovered my dog loves blueberry bagels with cream cheese on a deeply spiritual level. This is now a diet staple for her... easy and she eats it immediately. I also might get her some blueberry cbd treats.

My birthday is really her birthday too.


Late night update... As quickly as he entered my life OOMLG has disappeared. I think he made new friends and doesn’t need me anymore. No texts or calls tonight or last night. I am sad to see him go, but it wasn’t going to be a long term friendship. I also do not need the reminders of all the things I didn’t do in my life that would have made me a good catch for him.

Can’t undo what has already happened but I can still use every minute to turn things around today. I can honestly say I did my best today though, and as it says in the 4 agreements... if you do your best you cannot have any regrets. Some days your best will be better than others, but it will always be your best that day. Today I was productive even though I had a splitting headache and I ate healthy. I made it to yoga. I made it to church to see my friend off on her trip. I did one nice thing for my dad, my mom, and my dog each.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/24/2018:
Loved the book!

happy-1 on 10/25/2018:
I think you recommended it.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2018:
yayyyyy The 4 Agreements :) ...that's the book i was talking about!...but, why does the author have a different name? or perhaps i forgot who the author was. good book overall.

good job overcoming your cold....they are such a nuissance but very important to get rid of so it doesn't turn into something worse!

I actually forgot the 4 agreements, but when you said one of them is to "Do your best"...doesn't it feel good, to say you did...now i'm remembering them....be sincere...

happy-1 on 10/26/2018:
It’s be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best.

BearCountryGG on 10/25/2018:
Hap just left out his middle name.

horn_of_plenty on 10/26/2018:
ohhhhhh. ty BCGG.

and ty Happy for reminding me of the 4.

happy-1 - Monday Oct 22, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

221.4... also took resting blood pressure this am... 93/73. That’s way in the green zone! Pretty amazing since at my highest weight I was just on the border of the red zone... every minute is a chance to turn it all around and I must be doing more hard work than I have been giving myself credit for.

Feeling very inspired. Have been looking longingly at clothes on H and M because I really need a pair of tall size jeans... My body changed as I have been getting fit and I know that every pair of jeans in storage is going to fit with the crotch in the wrong spot and too short... they all just used to ride lower because I had a lot of lower abdominal fat... but not now that I do yoga every day! But before I buy anything other than smaller yoga pants, I am going to storage unit dive. It will be fun to see how far I have come. (Also depressing to see how much I spent on fat clothes.)

Also, booked another haircut for Nov 2 (when I stop coughing). I can finally get something done about the funky things he did to my bangs because he combed my hair wrong and I was too spacey to catch it. Have been running around with it for like 3 months because I don’t feel like driving 35 minutes to get it fixed and an hour plus back in traffic. Fundamentals of self care.

Today I need to get to the DMV as my highest priority... so off I go to shower and hair and go stand in line.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

legcramps on 10/22/2018:
Wow, great job on resting blood pressure - awesome reading! Have a good day today :)

BearCountryGG on 10/22/2018:
Great BP. I love to go through old clothes too....I always find something that I'm still willing to wear.

happy-1 on 10/24/2018:
Right? I’m hoping for a sweatshirt... maybe a hoodie. I could swear I hung onto some.

Donkey on 10/22/2018:
You're doing great! I'm glad you post these things, because it shows me how I should be making myself a priority as well, which is not easy for me to do. Thank you!

happy-1 on 10/24/2018:
Yeah, I have problems with that too... So when I do it, I post about it because I consider it an achievement.

happy-1 - Sunday Oct 21, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Super glad to have DD today. I love reading and commenting when I’m feeling in need of inspiration. On week 3 of my head cold and skipping yoga and church because I am still coughing... a lot. Dad caught the flu today (not from me, he’s got a stomach bug). Poor guy. I brought him home a small thing of chocolate ice cream and now it is all I can think about.

Took myself to a movie just to get out of the house. It was “cognitively taxing” and I came back afterwards to lay down. I did accomplish buying earrings for sensitive ears though and I got another bookcase up on foam blocks. 7 more pieces of furniture to go.

I am rebuilding everything in my life right now. It’s a lot of work but I can do this. It is ok to take a nap.


Update: Took a bunch of breaks today. Did a lot of texting. Did some light cleaning in between. Not much but better than nothing and it all helps keep chaos at bay.


ANOTHER phone call from OOMLG... How is it even possible that someone can be that hot, fun to talk to... and not into me? These Super Christian guys are so weird.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/21/2018:
Ooo may I ask what movie you saw? My son went on Friday to see Halloween.

Check out Simply Whispers for sensitive-ear earrings! I just made the mistake of Googling them to make sure they are still in business - and they are - and now my wishlist is about $200 long.

happy-1 on 10/21/2018:
House with a clock in it’s walls. It was actually pretty dull. I was so disappointed. Jack Black is on my 10 List... He’s a total undercover hottie.

Donkey on 10/22/2018:
Take breaks if you need them. Sometimes taking a break can lead to a more productive day overall. I'm glad you have a male friend, even if it's not the relationship you wish/hope it would be. I would love to have more diverse people in my life.

happy-1 on 10/22/2018:
Yeah, my friend says he is a waste of time, but it’s just so nice to have someone I can actually talk to... no “crap, there’s silence, what do I say next?” such a treat. I suspect he’s just being nice to old fat lady with the busted neck, but I’m being nice to him because he’s got stuff too... Hugs on the wish for more diverse people. I like a big mix myself. It gets me out of my own head and helps me solve problems differently.

BearCountryGG on 10/22/2018:
Being friends with people that you won't have a more personal relationship is good.....they may also introduce you to others that are more suited for you.

happy-1 on 10/22/2018:
Hugs. Love your positive mindset.

legcramps on 10/22/2018:
I sure hope you're feeling better soon! Being sick is never fun, especially when you're feeling like you have things to get done. Take it easy, and hopefully you're back in the groove of things very soon.

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 20, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

223.4=normal weight fluctuation.

Finished the CERT class and it feels like a minor victory. M's friend took a photo of me and I couldn't believe it when I saw it... No wonder my yoga instructors say I look like a completely different person... I look healthy! I'm standing in a line of people and I'm the same size as everyone else, no giant beer belly, sick/sweaty color, bags under my eyes, and no double chin. I still need to work on it. I'm thick around the waist, hips and butt... like the fat is literally burning from the top and bottom and eventually meeting in the middle at my waist. I'm wearing a cream sweater, my favorite Lucky Brand jeans... No bulges or anything. A few more pounds and I'll be hot again.

Ate whatever I wanted at the potluck and just went back to normal after. Also, I fell off last night and ate two pints of protein ice cream. They were within calories but nutritionist says no fake foods. Whole, unprocessed foods only. So Graindart streak Day 1 again.

Have a huge headache / neckache though. Chilling on M's couch and using her Internet to download stuff to my spare laptop so I can use it while my good one is repaired. Very kind of her.

Still coughing but not as bad. Yoga class is in my future. I want to go back so bad I think about it non-stop. I just want to listen to the nice ladies say soothing things while we stretch, burn calories and listen to music. 





Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/21/2018:
Wow! you sound so pleased with your progress! keep up the good work, do not stop now :)

congrats on fulfilling your goals so far! always reach.

happy-1 on 10/21/2018:
Never, never, never give up.

graindart on 10/21/2018:
Seeing progress always helps give me additional motivation. It's when you keep depriving yourself with no visible progress that things get frustrating. Good job.

happy-1 on 10/21/2018:
This was actually a good coaching tip. Thank you. I was really down today because I skipped church and yoga due to coughing, felt isolated. I looked at some photos from the beginning of summer... I actually look 10+ years younger even with a head cold. Picked me right up! I posted them to my nutritionist to thank her for her hard work.

happy-1 - Friday Oct 19, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

221.0! Stoked to not be going completely off the rails while sick. Keep getting super hungry... and eating extra snacks, but all legal foods so day 2 of my graindart streak.

OOMLG has upgraded from texting at night to in-bed good night phone calls. If we hadn’t had the talk about how he doesn’t want to date me I’d think he was interested, but I think he’s just lonely and wants his ego stroked. It’s both thrilling to talk to him (soooo hot, gets math jokes, AND can one up me with them) and terribly depressing (doesn’t want to date me because I’m not wife material). I got him to confess he wears matching pajamas to bed. How very very LL Bean Boyfriend (http://yourllbeanboyfriend.tumblr.com).

Up since 6. Yay me. It is 9:30 and so far I have accomplished cleaning the microwave, dishes, laundry, picking up the living room, and finding index cards to make flash cards with. Feeling better so plan for today is to go to the DMV and study for my test on Saturday while in line. Goal is to get a third bookcase up on foam blocks tonight, and also make turkey meatball soup.

I feel badly that I stuck my dog in her crate this morning while I cleaned but I couldn’t take the screen door game one more minute... and it might be doggie dementia because she does it ALL DAY LONG!!!!! However, I am only going to dig myself out if I do not have to listen to the screen door banging today. I will walk her and do yoga at the park tonight. I am very proud of myself for doing a yoga track from start to finish at home yesterday. I focused, got it done, and my head felt better.

I can do this. Hug yourself and the furkid next to you.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Thursday Oct 18, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Starting my streak over, Day1. Felt lousy last night after Costco so I hit the bag of stuff I set aside for the food bank... I had some Chicken Top Ramen, pocky sticks, and dark chocolate.

OOMLG says when I fall off the wagon for things like diet and swearing I should stop and give myself a hug because I fell off the wagon because I need to take better care of myself. What a fundamental concept I have been missing all my life. How did I not realize this sooner?

On the theme of doing better self care... I think 6 days is my absolute max without yoga. 7 days and the headaches come back. I suspect my neck will also un-adjust again if I don't keep moving forward. Maybe I want to go for yoga teacher training so I can internalize more of it. Be my change.

Also debating buying a smaller pair of yoga pants since my current pants keep trying to escape. Feels like a splurge. Maybe a reward for finishing tallying my spending for the year.

Saw a cool pin about a company with photo booths that scan you and then print out a little 3d statue. How motivating would this be for before and afters? You could scan and print yourself every few months and get a good look at what you really look like!


Today I am going to be kind to myself and not kick myself for not getting enough done. I am coughing a lot and still under the weather.  I know I must actually be out of it because my dog (who is a bit on the tough love side) is being my personal hot water bottle for my neck and she HATES that. I definitely am taking advantage and getting all the cuddles.

Thinking out loud now to pull myself together...

3:38pm... so far I have accomplished making everyone breakfast, washing 2 sinks of dishes, repairing two items I have had the materials together to do forever and not done, paid a bill, emailed an old friend, given my dog extra rubs, and checked my email.

The next most important thing I have to do is go to the park with my dog and try to do some yoga there to get my neck back on track. If that keeps reverting, everything reverts. I cant go to a class because I am coughing and I can't do it at home because it is too stressful here if I try to work out in the living room. My dad gets all antsy.

Following that... I should sweep the front steps and work on getting one book case up on foam blocks, because then I will feel better about myself.

Hug yourself and the person or furkid next to you!


Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 10/18/2018:
Hoping you are having a good day.

happy-1 on 10/18/2018:
You totally just inspired me to rewrite this post from the perspective of having a good day.

All about mindset right?

How is your day? How is your mom and hubby?

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 17, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

FOUND! A non-caffinated tea that is totally drinkable without adding a sweetner. Yogi Cinnamon Vanilla Healthy Skin Tea (https://yogiproducts.com/teas/herbal-teas/cinnamon-vanilla-healthy-skin/). I'm liking it so much that I have made several 40oz mugs of it in my splurge Stanley Thermos drink cup. Yum. Today my tea bags say "Use your head to live with heart" and "Live in your strength"

221.8... Which considering that I have been largely inactive for a week except for cleaning, consuming tons of extra sugar in my tea to soothe my throat, and was off track on eating for several days... Pretty good! Still coughing up a storm though... The improvement yesterday was that at least my lungs didn't spasm out and get all rigid, and give me a panic attack (the whole room suddenly closes in). I feel like I should be over this already.

All I can think about is how badly I want to go to yoga class. It's this obsessive itch in my brain that just does not want to go away. Is it possible to have yoga withdrawal? Like heroin?

Stuck to my plan yesterday of tracking spending against budget, but hit the "too tired" mark last night. I was so encouraged by the all-green day from my nutritionist that I got the first piece of furniture up onto foam blocks for rug cleaning. 8 pieces to go. Yes I have been talking about this forever and cut the blocks a while back, but last night I actually conquered "can't focus" and did it. 

I even took my first steps towards taking the math placement test for my local community college.

What a difference occupational therapy, nutrition, supplements, and yoga make. I can be "down" but still "functional".


Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/17/2018:
Remember, you are stronger than you think you are! That is what i think regarding panic attacks...oh...and to make sure i get decent sleep.

happy-1 on 10/17/2018:
Yeah, it's biochemical because your lungs are telling your brain there's no oxygen. I can usually back it down with a fan, but it sneaks up on me when I'm sick because it's all of a sudden.

Donkey on 10/18/2018:
Proud of you and the progress you've made - and not just on the scale: not EVEN. :)

happy-1 on 10/18/2018:
Yeah, it’s a total end-to-end project for sure. Thank you!

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 16, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Extra post for today... but milestone! My food posts for yesterday on Rise got all Greens from my nutritionist! I’m learning!

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/16/2018:

happy-1 on 10/17/2018:
TY! One foot in front of the other!

Donkey on 10/16/2018:
That's wonderful!!!!

happy-1 on 10/17/2018:
Right? All I need to do is only have food in the house that is ok by the nutritionist... and never leave...

BearCountryGG on 10/17/2018:
Good Job!

happy-1 on 10/17/2018:
Thank you!!!

Donkey on 10/17/2018:
(I did not notice that you posted twice yesterday. One of the caveats of reading DD on my phone...)

happy-1 on 10/17/2018:
So you are saying I can totally get away with tons of extra posts? J/K

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 16, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Graindart streak Day 2. It's nice to "shadow" someone in a streak the way I did when I was interning. I did have some added sugar yesterday in my agave, cough syrup and cough drops, and then a piece of bread last night with some eggs. Also too many peanuts. But nothing crazy and it's a process, not perfection.

Trying Mucinex for the first time and thouroughly surprised at how much it helps. I'm still staying home today though. Coughing a lot. I hope I can be back at yoga by Saturday.

Continuing my theme of getting things in order and checking my budget. Making sure my spending has been on track with all the headaches.

One foot in front of the other.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 10/16/2018:
Hope you feel better, Happy. Mucinex DM is what my Hubby takes sometimes for his sinuses and it helps a lot. Also chicken noodle soup broth (Campbells is best). Feel better.

happy-1 on 10/16/2018:
Thanknyou! Should have thought of soup when I was at the market last night!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/16/2018:
Continue to do the right things and you will soon feel better...keep on, you are doing great. nice job staying on track decently especially when under the weather :)

Donkey on 10/17/2018:
LOVE Mucinex and Mucinex DM (if you're coughing, too). That has helped me a lot in the past.

graindart on 10/17/2018:
Day 2, good job, on to conquer day 3.....

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