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happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 25, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Dad helped me remember to take my sleep meds at 8pm last night and I was up on time at 5 this morning!!!! YAY ME! 

ALSO>>> Weight loss! About a lb. 221.4... At this rate nothing will fit me and I'll have to go running around nekked. At least my dog's fur won't stick.

I may have lost my mind last night, but I ordered a little too much off H and M. I think they updated their site inventory afeter I made my purchase because things I had favorited that weren't in my size when I made my first purchase were suddenly available... AUGH. I ended up with a second order of things I liked better, so I am probably stuck actually going in to make a return. at least returns are free. It will just suck for a couple of weeks.

Anyway, after careful analysis, I think what I needed to add was an oversize blouse/dress that can be a coverup for the beach (with cotton and some softness for sunburn), tucked into pants as a shirt, or worn over leggings as a top. Also, wide cut jersey pants and a couple of tops to tie other items together. I also need a hat, but I want better quality than what is available at H and M. I had a couple of other items too, but they are extras/nice to haves and may go back to the store. I will be on the lookout for a two-piece dress with at least some cap sleeves in a nice print... I can definitely see how that would cut down on the number of pieces I need to stick in a bag for travel. I am 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other on the pants. I think some Columbia trail pants in black would be more practical but my hope is that these are thin enough to be pajama pants but stil double as a spare pair of pants when traveling. I also bought a pair of bboots on Nordstrom Rack because I think they may be a good quality brand and it will be impossible to find a pair of waterproof black boots after August in size 13 (thanks Norwegian ancestors for my GIANT FEET)... I will take them to my shoe repair guy before I wear them and ask him if they are well-made enough to be worth repairing. I am done with shoes that are to cheap to repair. That's no way to prepare for a zombie apocalypse!

Patterned Dress Wide-cut Jersey PantsLinen TopFlounce-sleeved TopLinen Jersey Tank Top

(and I had no idea I could just paste in images to DD!!!!! I thought I'd have to post them somewhere then link them over... Doh!)

Goal for today is to 1) get my dog more CBD treats, 2) apply to 5 jobs, 3) send the meetup announcement for happy hour on Thursday to get into people's inboxes after they check email and be at the top for lunch, 4) go to H and M and see if I can find the blue dress now because it would definitely make it easier to pack for Molly's this weekend. My ex in SD wants me to come down saturday night... I am 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other about that too. It would be nice to get away but A) sent a valentines day card in march and I don't feel special, B) he's een working overnights and I just got back onto my sleep pattern today.


Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/25/2018:
I love every item you picked out!!!!!

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
TY! I did it very carefully and logically, LOL. I might post my outfit plans and acquisitions as I go :-) Motivation.

BearCountryGG on 07/25/2018:
And congrats on the loss

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
TY! Congrats on your loss too! Putting away the scale was brave. I kind of find it reassuring when my weight fluctuates in a normal range.

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2018:
yes, the items are very stylish great pics and H&M is great prices. we have a store by us maybe only in NY and i forgot the name right now...i'll let you know, even better prices than H&M..

care about you first rather than adjust your life for him.

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
I'd love the name of that store!!!

Thank you... I like that. "Care about you first rather than adjust your life for him."

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2018:
oh, you can always return an item if you want to save some $ !!! :)

happy-1 on 07/25/2018:
Yeah... although the money is the only thing keeping me from ordering chinese delivery right now, lol. All I can think about is a huge plate of orange chicken, chow mein, and fried rice... but I'm out of splurge money... so I won't order, get skinnier and then these won't fit either.

happy-1 - Tuesday Jul 24, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

This week my OT instructions are to get out of the house for 2 hours no matter what every day and be in bed by 9. I'll try my best. 11 or so last night? Just spaced and forgot to go to bed.

This is mostly possible because I discovered that there is a diner by me I can easily get to with AC and wifi... and NO SCREAMING CHILDREN! An improbable oasis. My big success yesterday was getting to sit down and relax, go through my mail and papers and make a to do list. Today I managed to sit down and reach the goal of applying to 5 jobs and it only took an hour. A veggie scramble with fruit and water seems like the least calorie-and death-laden choice and with tax and tip is about $11. Except I am hungry about 10 min after. 

Lots of healthy eating last 2 days. Moving back to a normal sleep pattern. 

Still burning time on weird "figure it out" projects... ADHD ratholes that used to boost my math and tech skills going to life stuff... instead of job hunting.
Monday's Rathole... While I waited for prescriptions at Costco, I wrote down all the prices and weights for the stuff I normally buy... like chicken, produce, almonds, etc. so I can know if the sales at different grocery stores are actually worth it. Like Food4less had a deal on boneless skinless chicken thighs for $1.99, but it turns out Costco has them frozen for the same price... and since I'd stick them in the freezer anyway... no point. It's basically a "price book" exercise. Save me running around like crazy at least. At some point I need to make a database to do weight by lb, oz, and g so I can do an easy reference when I go through sales and see if it beats the normal Costco price and if it's worth the time and money to go and buy it in smaller quantity.
Today's rathole... H and M looking at clothes. I saw a couple of things on there that would be interview appropriate and grabbed them... Weather is so hot my two interview outfits are a no go. Sweat just starts pouring off me as soon as I put them on. I have lost so much weight I really don't know what fits and is worth taking in. I feel like getting dressed just to leave the house and look normal is a struggle. As I looked at the site if I saw something I know I have (or similar) that currently fits, I grabbed the image and put it in an artboard... Like a way to visualize/inventory what I have and figure out why even though I have clothes I can't put together an outfit to save my life.  Eventually I can make virtual outfits, lol.
Back to it.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/24/2018:
I like Monday's Rathole (LOL). I'm no good at dressing myself. I think I have too many sensory issues to dress well. Plus it doesn't help that I'm short with wide hips, and bad knees and feet (can't wear heels).

happy-1 on 07/24/2018:
LOL! I feel you on the sensory issues. That's why I love H and M now that I fit their clothes. Nothing there seems to "bug" me and their website is super simple. I can't dress myself either. When I get to my goal weight I'll do Stitchfix... Maybe. I think if I buy a red tank, a black cap sleeve shirt, and a white linen t-shirt all my oddball items work.

BearCountryGG on 07/25/2018:
You aren't the only ones that can't dress yourselves...my penchant for solid colors only and simple plain styles....is boring to the max....if and when I do put on something with a pattern or print...D notices ..and so did my Mother.....then I go right back to my plain solids where I am comfortable....best job I ever had was where I wore scrubs......clicked all of the boxes for me.

happy-1 on 07/25/2018:
Yeah but the real issue is I can't pack in one bag to go anywhere or do anything. UGH.

happy-1 - Saturday Jul 21, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Had my third OT appointment yesterday. She went over my time tracking notes and helped me identify why my sleep meds stopped working this past week and gave me new guidelines for getting to bed... basically moved everything up half an hour and no journaling or anything visually stimulating when I go to bed. This is going to be really, really hard for me to do. I have a really active brain at night... and I am trying to get to bed by 9 so I can be asleep by 10 and up at 5 and try to beat the heat and my parent's schedules to pull it together. She also adjusted my car seat for me to take the pressure off my neck and I felt the little bones pop apart in release. The feeling in my fingers is coming back and I didn' ven realize how much sensation I had lost.

Last night my friend from church asked me how my parents are doing I said better... my mom lost 14lbs because I have been making dinner every night by 7 and putting leftovers up in single servings so she has better blood sugar control. She said oh well walking helps too and I said... no they can't walk. I guess she didn't realize that my parents are THAT big. She said no wonder you are so petrified... I said Iam? She said yeah... you're always saying you just need to pull it together... but you hide it well. If you didn't tell me stuff was going on I would never have guessed you had anything going.

Food for thought.

Taking the day off from food logging, partially because I overslept and was so tired I ate things and didn't keep track.  My neck doesn't hurt for the first time in weeks... not even a sore knot in my shoulder. Weirdly suddenly everything else hurts, I'm craving gum, and feel horribly lonely.

UDG said he'd hang out with me on Tuesday though. Looking forward to that.

The church group is at the beach today but I didn't go. I don't have anything to wear for sun protection that is cool enough right now and heat stroke has been a problem this whole month. I don't want to derail my phone interview early Monday AM and I would like to get the kitchen and patio picked up... Possibly more of the spare room cleared out.

Hugs all. I am so grateful for this site and the people here. When I started witing this post, I had that fluttery anxiety feeling all day I couldn't shake... but now I feel calm and focused.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/22/2018:
I'm glad you post here; I look forward to reading your thoughts, feelings, routines, observations, etc. No pressure to post, just sayin' I'm a fan.

The OT is right. Sadly, I too am guilty of these "bad habits". IDK, there's some comfort, for me, to sit in bed, at the end of the day, and do stuff (as long as it's not snacking!). I would encourage you to give the OT's recommendation a try, see how it goes.

Perhaps the neck pain dominated everything else that you didn't realize there was other stuff going on too. That's a very interesting comment from your church friend. If y'all do a group prayer, it would be OK to ask for their support in dealing with what you're dealing with.


happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Aw, ty. Sometimes I post here because there are thoughts I don't want to bore people with... and I am glad I am not boring you.

OT is in the right direction... I had a much easier week without neck pain and did manage to get sleep to snap back on track. Kind of fell off logging/responding.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2018:
good luck on your interview on Monday and you sound like you have lots of good activities going on. Try not to overdo activities and perhaps you will feel better and not start to sleep in because of being really tired! lately i'm doing less and boy does it feel GOOOOOD. i am sick of being really busy!

bearcountrygg on 07/22/2018:
Glad that posting here helps...…

innerpeace on 07/23/2018:
It's amazing how much pain one can take. I never really focused on ergonomics and I'm glad your OP knew to check your seat in your car to fix and/or alleviate your neck pain for now.

happy-1 - Saturday Jul 21, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

So really stuck my foot in it tonight... I just fundamentally do not understand certain basic things that everyone else gets right off... I went to play pool tonight with that church group and the really super hot guy in the group was there talking about the recent church trip to the Philipines... they collected donations of new shoes from people here in the US and then took them to needy kids in the Phillipines. He was so hot I literally could not think of anything to say so out popped the first question that had occurred to me when I first heard about the project... "Why did you collect shoes here to take to the Phillipines? I thought they were famous for making shoes?" He and my friend shared a look and he said he'd never heard of people making shoes there, and my friend said she'd heard of shoes being made in Taiwan and Vietnam... and they just nodded and smiled so I felt really dumb... so I looked it up online just now and yes, they are a major location for shoe manufacturers, and frequently do short custom runs. I dunno why they collected them here at retail and paid for shipping. Must have been an emotional thing for the people sending them.

Too much junk food today, but worth it.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/21/2018:
Wow, that's a really good point you made! I guess I wouldn't fit in either?

They probably didn't like the fact that you called them out on the faulty premise of their ministry/mission trip. Some folks have a hard time realizing that, ahem, y'all might just be going about this in the wrong way, yo.

Personally, I think your question/observation was really smart!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2018:
maybe they cannot afford shoes at all even their own brands that they make??

Horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2018:
it was a smart observation on your end, as donkey said.

happy-1 - Thursday Jul 19, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Yoga class at the pole dancing studio was super fun, even if I am 3x the size of all the ladies there, kept falling over, pants started slipping down, and the instructor seemed concerned I would die. It is tucked away at the back of a strip of warehouses behind the dollar store and there's no sign so you don't know it is there. The inside is super cute though... like a Barbie dress-up closet for grown ladies with stripper poles and aromatherapy... and they took a back chunk of the parking lot to make a rock garden with a little burning man airstream camper set up straight out of pinterest. I have a feeling a lot happens in that studio!!!!

However, the c1/c2 injury in my neck is killing me today... and I had a hell of a time getting to sleep last night and was up till 3am. Woke up late at 8am and am feeling off track.

So tired. Can I go back to bed? No... you can't. You need to stand up, push up, and never give up like a goddamn adult! Get your hair and makeup on! Get up to Woodland Hills for your exit interview for class. Get it over with! Get home! Make that cashew chicken as a reward! Maybe buy some pants in size medium so your flab doesn't flop out during yoga class and get back to it!!! Maybe even in hot pink to point out that even though you are fat you have zero cellulite. And find out where the yoga strippers bought exercise bras that "push up" their boobs to their chins with nothing bouncing. Grrr! Get after it! Never give up that ship!

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 07/19/2018:
perhaps if your injury was activiated, do not do the pole dancing again!

get some extra sleep tonight so you feel less tired tomorrow, if you can!

innerpeace on 07/19/2018:
Please if you find those bras...share!

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
You would look AMAZING in those bras! You might give several people heart attacks though!

Donkey on 07/19/2018:
Ohhhh I don't knowwwwww --- watch that neck injury! I have L-4 & L-5 and I'm a real baby when it comes to protecting it.

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Yeah that's why I was doing yoga and not pole dancing. I'm trying to build up my core to take strain off my arms and neck.

bearcountrygg on 07/20/2018:
Loved the description of the place...LOL....Behind the warehouses and the dollar store...without a sign....looks like a Barbie dreamhouse and smells like one too....LOL..hope you....take some hand sanitizer....LOL.....Makes me wonder if they actually rent the place or are...uhmmmm...just hanging out there...maybe code restrictions?

happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 18, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Good quote from one of my challenges today:

Strength in humility
There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.
Walter Reuther
Labor Union Leader


Had a hard time falling asleep last night after iced tea... More caffeine than I realized? Went to sleep at 3am and woke up about 10. I am kind or derailed today but working my way back. Excited to try a yoga class at a pole dancing studio I had no idea was even there... a couple of blocks from my house. Hey... I'll consider all career opportunities right now ;-)

Making the parents dinner... turkey bolognese with veggies over spaghetti squash. Maybe some garlic bread. Eating early

Gotta pull it together. Sigh. 

Will comment on logs tomorrow! Have been burning the candle at both ends and the miidle.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/19/2018:
A new career change is obtainable...and good exercise ;)

Happy to hear that your parents are responding to the new changes.....sounds like a win win for everyone.....

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
I dunno that my case manager would be happy to hear that I decided to give up on software to become an old, fat pole dancer... but you gotta find your bliss... right? Maybe nursing. I'd like to have a real skill.

Donkey on 07/19/2018:
You must let us know about the new yoga class if you try it out!!! It's been a secret "ideal" to immerse myself into a yoga life... possibly becoming an instructor. Sadly, I don't take active steps to do anything about this. Time and money are the biggest obstacles... it might actually be lack of real desire, because if I really wanted this for myself, I would do something about it.

I see nothing wrong with a dance career as a pole dancer.

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Lol, after I lose another 60lbs and reverse age 22+ years... or find a senior center to strip at... it's all a matter of perspective, right?

happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 18, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

An extra post for today, but wanted to share some success... all these dinners I have been slogging out onto the table at 7pm and the accompanying battles, kicking of puppies, being mean to old people, not taking them to mcdonalds, and forcing them to eat healthy is starting to turn the tide. My mom has lost 14lbs or so... 223 to 209... and her blood sugar throughout the day is better.My dad tried dinner and didn't complain too much. Then we went through the grocery circulars together and put together a dinner menu plan for next week.

Who are these people and what have they done with my parents?

Dinner tonight was healthy copycat chickfila chicken nuggets (baked) and coleslaw with yogurt dressing plus spinach. My dad made a lean cuisine and also had the dinner I made but did not complain about what I made.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/18/2018:
I'm so happy to hear that!! Good for you....You are making all of your lives better.

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Whether they want me to or not...

horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2018:
yes, i'm glad you are having a good influence on your parents! finally.!!!!

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Like water on stone... Or a jackhammer on stone... Or a gong... Or a jackhammer and a firehose on stone... eventually the stone gives way.

Donkey on 07/18/2018:
What wonderful news! :-) As I drove home from work, I passed a business who had on their marquee: "Never give up". I thought of you :-)

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Me and the Old Philosopher, right? Never give up that ship!!!!

For those who don't get the reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qty7IP8wlXM

happy-1 - Tuesday Jul 17, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

226. Normal weight fluctuation... but I also binge ate last night which didn't help. I had a second frozen pizza, licorice, space ice cream, and mac n cheese... 1300+ calories over my goal. Ugh.

Found a site that has well-produced fitnees/health centric videos to keep on in the background while you work. http://tbd.com/shows/tbd-fitness

Got too sucked into Netflix yesterday and was not sufficiently productive.

Remembered to call OT to ask her to look at my car/neck position while driving... a lot of my time goes to recovering from neck pain that only hits me when I drive.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Monday Jul 16, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Having a peaceful productive day so far. It's Amazon's prime day and the only things I wan't from there don't qualify. Aaaargh. Also can't get that total picture wearable (Gobe2) I saw on it. Reviews are mixed but still, can't get it out of my mind... aaargh.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/16/2018:
A friend was disappointed in amazon today too....

Horn_of_plenty on 07/16/2018:
i may see about the chordless ear phones :)

happy-1 - Sunday Jul 15, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Up another pound. Normal weight variation.

Feeling better. A little. Ran out and got dad a frying pan and wrapped it. Will make dinner about 6 but for now I am finishing fixing my phone and binge watching Riverdale, a teen drama adaptation of theArchie and Jughead comic that is delicious trash. Don't drink... don't smoke... what do you do? Netflix!

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/15/2018:
I loved Archie and Veronica comics....definitely from my generation!

happy-1 on 07/16/2018:
Yeah they do a really fun spin on it. American pop culture layered over Twin Peaks. So fun.

horn_of_plenty on 07/16/2018:
good plans on Netflix instead of drinking and smoking! a good pot goes a long way...

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