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view happy-1 bio page
happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 22, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

8 - up. sore neck. couldn’t find meds. tried laying in a diff position to make neck better. was up late because 1) I saw that my freshly scrubbed tub was dyed grey with hair shampoo... everything felt futile, 2) tried calling ex in sd and we were talking about how overwhelmed I was and 3) my dad heard the upset tone in my voice and came out and got involved... and I couldn’t get through the conversation with him because he is the type of person who has to find fault with someone if something is wrong... and 4) I ate a pizza and 2 big cookies yesterday and got mad at myself, and 5) I went to sleep in my bed but my dog peed my bed 3x... so I couldn’t get to sleep. 4) I’m worried about her but I can’t go to the vet alone or with my parents because I will decide emotionally and end up spending every last penny I have on an 18yo dog... So I placed an order for a dog urinalysis kit and it hasn’t come yet so I feel like a jerk... and 6) I talked to my aunt the other day and she was making suggestions like “have a friend do x... or y...” and I had to say you don’t understand... I don’t have friends like that anymore. So she said “well then you have to make some changes “ and I said yeah... I’m going to the OT and she’s having me do a sleep study and a time management study... so from that I should know which ones... but the more I think about it... all I have been doing my entire life is trying to make changes and I’m exhausted. I am dizzy from making changes and broke from trying programs and therapy and nothing helps me make whatever magic change it is that helps me connect to people and work on a team effectively. I’m so tired and tired of being tired.

But my friend from church is singing Sunday at 11. I can show up to that. And I can go to the beach on Saturday with puppet dude. And I can show up for yoga tomorrow. And I can go to bed on time tonight. And I can pull off some basic errands today before then. Starting now. I can change everything one step at a time.

11 - Gave up. had my mom help me look. turns out they were in my car.

12:30 - Circus went to doctor. I reset. managed to call PT for appointment. Have had a mental block about it.

4:00 - made PT call for neck I have been putting off. called a volunteermatch ad to volunteer to help seniors make herb gardens... maybe I will meet other people also caring for their parents. putny OT homework together... the start of it at least.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2018:
i am sorry you feel this way. is it very important that you have to continue with all the PT's and OT's? if it is too much, perhaps just concentrate on what makes you happy? and on work or other things?? too many appointments sometimes gives me a massive headache and it's hard to keep up with mentally and physically....man should i get to the gym!


BearCountryGG on 08/23/2018:
There is a lot to be said for simplifying.



happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 21, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Turns out the very minor scratch on my dad’s leg is infected. Mom bundled him off to the doc. He’s on antibiotics and it is a wait and see kind of deal. My mind goes to the worst. I directed my anxiety last night to the spare bedroom and pulled a bunch of boxes out. I also downloaded the ebay app to start listing stuff for sale. There’s too much stuff and my dad thinks there is a dollar value on everything and won’t toss. Well, let’s find out. If it goes bad I will need all the space I can get.

Trying to find a habit tracker with a web app not just a mobile app that doesn’t show habits I do not have to do today and hides them once they are checked off. Habitshare is good but once you get to a lot of habits it is too many. And I am trying to do routines so it is a lot of micro habits.

Went to bed late last night. Got anxious and then distracted about taking meds on time. I think I fell asleep about 2 am.

At least the instantpot auto turned off the low setting on it’s own and I woke up to perfect refried beans this morning. They were too watery and I left them on low with a collander on top. I made my dad mexican eggs for breakfast.

Puppet dude is diabetic. Accidentally hit a nerve when I was telling him about the OT program and their track record for getting people off diabetes meds. Now that I know I see all the side issues he’s having... Confusion, overwhelm, cravings, exhaustion... I feel for him.

8:30am up (late) - oatmeal eith cherries and pepitas. Finished repacking my bag for dog sitting and did laundry. Dog is peeing everywhere. Where is my amazon order for her? Can’t really clean carpets till it comes. At least she mostly pees her dog beds and those can be washed.

11:40 AM - Heading to Starbucks with all the work I haven’t done the past few days because I have been in too much pain. I finally feel better. Yoga tonight will probably put me back there. ugh. At least I’ve been taking my stack again consistently the past week. That should help.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/21/2018:
Lots going on for you.....breathe....so much of it is beyond your control....

happy-1 on 08/22/2018:
Trying. Yoga helped. But thee are many things within my control I am not doing. How do I change that?


legcramps on 08/21/2018:
Bit by bit... i'm sorry you are feeling stressed right now. Hopefully yoga will help and not hinder!

happy-1 on 08/22/2018:
hugs. yoga did help. a lot. passing on flow yoga tomorrow and looking for a restorative class.


Donkey on 08/22/2018:
Hang in there! The Ebay endeavor sounds hopeful & interesting! How you feeling after yoga?


horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2018:
Best wishes to your dad for recovery...i hope ASAP...

I am glad you are selling everything and just not throwing everything out!



happy-1 - Monday Aug 20, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Still sore from last week’s yoga classes.. 5 days now! but in massively better shape than Saturday. Started wearing my fitbit again and it says I slept 11 hours. Egad. I knew I was tired, but THAT tired? Oi.

Conquered dishes and the bathtub yesterday. We have a fiberglass tub and it is terrible. It seems to absorb dirt into the surface and no cleanser or scrubbing is enough to get it up. I used a melamine sponge on the sides, but the textured bottom is still grimy.

I am tempted to stop buying food for the house and cooking dinners for a few weeks. My parents have stopped doing for themselves. See if they start going to the market again.

—-

8AM - up, rx bar, meds water

Puttered around cleaning. More dishes. Bathroom scrub down, laundry. Made two meal prep breakfasts.

- Egg, cheese, olive oil, turkey sausage.

Spent 20 min decluttering shelves in the living room. Found stuff of mine for goodwill.

A find!!!!! Incense, a copper bowl, a crystal rock and some incense stuff for my mom’s meditation table when I finish the patio!

Rescheduled OT appointment because I haven’t done my homework.

12:30PM - A break. Need to rest my shoulders. Ironically my neck doesn’t hurt.

1:15 got up, put away laundry, did hair, put on beans and rice to pre-cook for dinner.

1:45pm Tylenol and meds. need to lay back down again. I feel like someone whacked me with a bat

At some point I moved my car, put the rice and beans back on to cook. Neck and back are better but I am tired.

3:40 - Netflix break. izombie

5pm - neck and back are better. stretched out and heard scary popping... but better. Then I realized that my mom took my dad to the doctor kind of late for them... I think it must be urgent care. A little worried. Got ahold of them by phone but no details.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/20/2018:
Maybe you got an injury ......possibly pulled a muscle? Seems like soreness should be gone by now.

happy-1 on 08/20/2018:
Could be. I was sorting shelves and now my shoulder hurts

happy-1 on 08/20/2018:
Could be. I was sorting shelves and now my shoulder hurts


Maria7 on 08/20/2018:
Easey to overdo sometimes. Hope you feel better.

happy-1 on 08/20/2018:
Thank you!


Donkey on 08/21/2018:
Sounds like a productive day. What a find for your backyard patio project! A meditation corner?

Hope your dad is ok...

happy-1 on 08/21/2018:
Yeah... A little worried. This scrape on his knee... literally just a scrape... looks pretty scary.

Yeah... I’m going to put it in front of the corner I am planting up so if you look in one direction there is something nice to look at.


horn_of_plenty on 08/21/2018:
must have been very hardcore yoga to keep you sore so long...also, maybe you were dehydrated or something going into the class...either way i'm sure it'll pass soon!

good job putting laundry away...it took me an extra day till yesterday to put my own away...:) i'm glad my place is now organized again!

happy-1 on 08/21/2018:
oooh good catch!!! I probably was dehydrated. It has been so hot here



happy-1 - Sunday Aug 19, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Home from dog sitting. Everything is fine... I checked in and asked proactively. She asked me to come back labor day... I said let me double-check. I am not sure about that... It was a much-needed break... and awesome to get away... but I came home to an unbelievable mess. And my whole body hurts and my head feels like someone took a baseball bat to it. And everything I have eaten doesn’t help. All I want to do is run away.

But... shouldn’t do that.

Started with the dishes. Next I’ll do the bathroom and clean the carpets. I can do this. I do not need to order a pizza or some chinese food to do it.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/20/2018:
Sounds like a much needed break......Glad it worked out well for you.



happy-1 - Saturday Aug 18, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Another successful dog sitting day in that their dog is happy and I went in the pool. Super sore from yoga. Can barely move... major second day soreness. I brought a few “fun” tasks to do today and I am crawling to get them done... a couple of care packages for “any female soldier “ and some camp swaps... mini emergency fishing kits. I am just trying to do one task for each at a time but it is slow going because everything hurts and I’m dying

——

I can’t believe how much an epsom salt bath helped. You know what else helps? pizza

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/19/2018:
I have been wanting to do an epsom salt soak - either a bath or even a foot soak - for the longest time...

Pizza, on the other hand, is a different story... LOL

happy-1 on 08/20/2018:
Or... both at the same time!!!!


BearCountryGG on 08/19/2018:
Epsom salts are amazing...they add magnesium to your body with a 20 minute or more soak.

happy-1 on 08/20/2018:
Yeah... I never did them much and always forget about them


Horn_of_plenty on 08/19/2018:
i can see the pizza working bc it has salt....also potassium bananas and coconut water help :) ...i'm glad the bath helped...good reason to have a clean tub!



happy-1 - Saturday Aug 18, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

dog sitting successfully. left my dog at home. trying to sleep with the bulldog but he says he’s just not that kind of guy... what dio I think he is? a shepherd mix? you need a velcro breed for that, lady. Augh. I cannot sleep without my dog.

puppet dude is turning up the pressure. he’s quitting the justokcupid so he can just talk to me.

claustrophobia! buddy! there you are again. breathe. vodka. breathe.

am more or less on track, calories and eating... so far.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/18/2018:
Well at least puppet dude isn't a player! Enjoy the peace and quiet with dog sitting :)

happy-1 on 08/18/2018:
Having to do at least a little work to get that from someone is more reassuring. If it’s that easy he may not be screening the people he lets into his life in general. Feels like chaos, triggers claustrophobia.


BearCountryGG on 08/18/2018:
Have you two met in person yet? He sounds like he really likes you.

happy-1 on 08/18/2018:
We had coffee for an hour. It’s not based on actually knowing much about me. Feels like it’s more about who he wants someone to be to him and wish fulfillment.


Maria7 on 08/18/2018:
Sounds like he has gotten serious fast... As for the kind of dates my Hubby and I had, I worked a lot in those days, including at home and so he would bring over fresh steaks and cook them for supper for us. :-)



happy-1 - Thursday Aug 16, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Fell into old bad habits yesterday and this morning. Procrastinated all day yesterday on a task I really need to do, then stayed up late watching Netflix because I felt bad about procrastinating. Then woke up late this morning with a sore throat and took a long time to get it together. I have to do the tasks on secure home wifi. Can't go to Starbucks... and I am just not productive at home.

I know I don't want to do the task because I don't want to look at how many mistakes I have made but I need to undo them to move forward... make sense?

12PM - Slaps self in face... Snap out of it!!

1:30pm - small progress... did a download. now I just have to analyze and I can do that at starbucks. tasks are smaller than expected and I make them too big in my mind.

Lots of second day soreness and tiredness after yoga tuesday. Headed back tonight. Pretty excited to go. I still can’t get over being able to move like a normal human. As sore as I am my neck is the one thing that doesn’t hurt... amazing. Really sore throat.

Super looking forward to two days of quiet and alone time, even though I won’t have my dog and will be thinking/worried about her the whole time. Plan for food and fitness is just to take their dog for coffee early and grab something while we are out. Not feeling ok really puts a damper on packing though. Breaking my no afternoon coffee rule and making myself a cold one... Forgot how good chocolate milk and instant via packets are in a shaker of ice... OMG.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/17/2018:
Hope you feel better soon! A couple of quiet days away might just be what you need.


horn_of_plenty on 08/17/2018:
Blogs are so fun....i wish i could make 25% of what i write here a blog, the rest is too private haha!

your throat may hurt if you were breathing maybe too deeply too much at yoga? i know in yoga they work on that deep breathing thing.


BearCountryGG on 08/17/2018:
Well...we all make mistakes...a lot of them...we all say things we wish we hadn't said...we all get down on ourselves...they make great learning opportunities...even if we have to learn the same thing over and over again...at some point..we will get it...and it will stick.....then we can move along to the next thing we want to correct......HA.....it never seems to end.


Maria7 on 08/17/2018:
Hoping you feel better and get some rest. :-)



happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 15, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

HOP is right. I should be doing some kind of outlet for writing. What... I do not know. But if a stand up comic wants my stories, they must be decent, LOL.

I like puppet dude... but I don't want to be his unpaid/uncredited manager or writer. He’s on a positive path with his life and health changes. He affirms my choices in a positive way. He openly says “I like you and I want to date you.” like a grown ass man. He seems like he would at least give me cards on my birthday, christmas and valentines day. He is a hard worker at work and at his passion and stays on track to meet his goals. He thinks volunteering together, going to shakespeare in the park, or just hanging out with my dog makes a great date. He seems like a reliable person to have on my ICE card. There is zero doubt in my mind he is not married (but I’d do a check anyway, lol). If I see things in him I don’t like they are more likely reflections of how I feel about myself and I should look at that. 

3:30AM. Woke up hungry - half a pb sandwich

8:16AM woke up late from being up too early. next time I just stay up. so groggy - fudge bar

9:16AM Up from falling back asleep again. Journaling here while I wake up.

- meal prep tray of eggs, cheese, turkey bacon, and sweet potato hash

Till 1:30 - Made my dad lunch, cleaned the kitchen and dishes, put things away in the living room. Made a tiny head start on the boxes of papers. I moved things out of the way and opened the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet, lol. that counts.

1:30PM Got a recruiter call from a real US recruiter! Submitted on it

Puttered around accomplishing nothing... Crampy. 

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/15/2018:
Thinking about your feelings and working your way through them is a good thing.

happy-1 on 08/16/2018:
And glad I have this space and people here to do it with!!! Big hugs. Thank you for reading and commenting.


Donkey on 08/16/2018:
If I may... just an observation, but I think you may be overthinking relationship aspects with puppet dude. That is to say, if you enjoy his company, and he's good to you, why not just enjoy that?

And if you don't want to be anyone's girlfriend, then just be friends as you learn more about each other, and see what develops.

Can't have too many friends... this guy sounds nice.

happy-1 on 08/16/2018:
No, lol. I don’t want to be anyone’s “girlfriend” but I’d like a life partner.

My experience with guys with creative sidelines is that “girlfriend“=“assistant/housekeeper/girl friday”


legcramps on 08/16/2018:
What Donkey said.

He does sound nice, and it doesn't sound like he is trying to manipulate you into giving your story ideas to him or anything, unless you feel that he is? I'm just saying, if my friends wanted to use a story or two that I told them, to help them in their career, I would let them have at it without the need to be credited for it. Obviously not on a regular basis, but if it's a good one - why not share it with the world?

happy-1 on 08/16/2018:
That's how it started... Just having fun and talking about stuff. If he hadn't said "We should write together, Netflix is always looking for content" or "You should be my manager and travel with me" I wouldn't be thinking about it. He isn't doing standup just for fun at open mic nights... it's his business.

I used to be a decent storyboard artist when I was young and full of dreams, so I know how to put things like he is talking about together. I know how much work goes into pitching/developing entertainment projects and how much support people take on from people in their lives. There's a lot of help behind the scenes getting to go and funding.

Him saying "oh we should work together" just sensitized me to the possibility of putting a lot of work into something and have a breakup and it goes off with him and I'd be empty-handed. Get downgraded to "Oh yeah, she came with me as my date to a few things and sometimes she answered the phone."

happy-1 on 08/16/2018:
And then part of it is just like there is an inner 13 year old who is still waiting for a guy to send her a valentines day card (on valentines day, not a month later because he’s just had it with me and doesn’t want to hear about it anymore), there is an inner 14 year old art student who was never picked for any collaborative projects because all the other students were in college (and didn’t want to partner with the underage kid with strict parents) who always wanted to be asked to be someone’s writing partner... so it was a little too close to something I forgot I wanted.


Maria7 on 08/16/2018:
You make me think back to my dating days w my wonderful Hubby! :-)

happy-1 on 08/16/2018:
Aaaaaaaw. I bet they were wonderful! What kinds of dates did you guys go on?


horn_of_plenty on 08/16/2018:
or you can journal like you do here :) for fun for yourself writing!

so if you like him, keep it like that, and don't offer or do these other things for him...tell him you have to concentrate on working for yourself now...cannot do his work, but willing to listen to it...??

happy-1 on 08/16/2018:
Or a blog. “digging out”... when you are so buried by everything you don’t know where to start. or recipes. I have so many grocery app ideas a blog would be a good way to build a brand.



happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 14, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

6:15

Up, on my own.

234.2 - Normal weight fluctuation.

Deliberately did not eat so I didn’t give myself a sugar/simple carb trap to start my day. Waited for my brain.

7:30

Brain on.

- oatmeal, maple syrup to balance too much ginger

Showered. Screwed around with daily challenges and logging. Working over to leaving the house. Brain is just lazy and sloppy today.

Puppet dude says he wants me to be his “manager”. “You manage me. In that you are my extra set of eyes and ears. Sometimes I get nervous. So you’ll see it.” Ugh, I fed it and now it wants to come home and be mine. Sounds like a lot of unpaid labor.

I feel like I am having a Horn of Plenty moment where I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend.

9AM

Circus is up... But I have at least showered and my new backpack is packed and in my go box (A laundry basket by the front door with everything I need to leave the house quickly). I find them what they need, dress and bail out like a ninja to Starbucks.

Mostly because my mom is a little ocd... she was making little angry comments to my dad while I found a bottle of stain remover and I could tell it was turning into a spin over everything she has ever owned or lost. It’s days like these I just need to not be there.

Except I forgot to give my dog buiscuts before I left.

- sm coffee with half n half

10:30AM

- mercato salad, coffee, halfn half

why is the music so loud at starbucks?

11:00

breathe in, breathe out. begin work. starting with sorting papers. goal is to do one task.

11:45

still haven’t done task.

- mango cliff bar. yuck

also realized I haven’t done any of the OT homework because last time I was there she was trying to sell me on a sleep protocol program and it was overwhelming just to even think about. ugh. like another giant project when I can’t even do what’s on my plate now.

12:35 1 personal task done!!! finally. going for 2.

1:05... I win!!!! I did like 5 things and everything I can do at this moment is done.

1:25 home to check on dog.

- boneless wing tray w ranch

1:45 set bear country’s timer dor an hour. innerpeace’s weightloss challenge meditation. i’ve missed a few days but it was good. puppet dude texts that he is thinking of me. aw, I’m thinking about him too. mostly that I don’t want to be his manager, but it’s not like guys are breaking down my door. mmm... claustrophobia my old friend. you’ve come to visit me again.

2-7

washed dishes, made and ate a gross dinner... salmon patties, corn chowder, steamed zucchini... just missed the target somehow. my om and I ate the salmon patties with ketchup. my dad had the chowder which was actually ok... just weird because I puréed it for him... I didn’t think he’d pull off the corn or celery in it and just stick blended the whole thing. made it weird

7

at yoga on time. crazy day. tonight at yoga I was finally able to move my legs and feet into basic positions without having to pick up my right leg and move it and my foot into place... and I was able to lean on my hands to walk my feet up to the top of the mat... and lean on my hands to walk them backwards to meet my feet. i was so shocked I laughed each time I did it. the instructor must have thought I was nuts because she kept asking me everytime i laughed if I was ok... and I kept saying I’m just fine, actually, I’m great. and kept it going all the way to cool down... although I got stuck on my side like turtle during the cool down for “happy baby”... so overwhelmed. started crying during cool down. the way I explained it to puppet dude was imagine having a robotic third leg attached at the hip exactly where your current leg is. you tell your leg to move, and mentally you felt the instruction go, but then you look down and there’s still a leg there. so you pick it up and move it where it belongs and weirdly you feel it in your actual leg where you just moved the robot leg into. but now it’s turned into your leg again... because that nerve is pinching on and off... and the weird 100 lb pressure glove your arm is in that makes things go numb so you can’t balance on them isn’t there anymore... so you can just move your arms like normal and put them anywhere you want. (He said he wants to high five... and that I am on the right track.) I left out the rest... which is the self-hatred cycle of it... So you just go to yoga and move around like a beached whale in the back of the room while your blubber flops everywhere and you are a sweaty, clumsy trainwreck. and everything hurts after. and you are emotionally exhausted because you just made a spectacle of yourself in front of “normal” people, and all you want after is pizza... but you are trying to diet, but you are miserable so you just want pizza and you eat it and you kick yourself for eating badly because you aren’t reaching your goals and then some weeks you eat bad and don’t even making it to yoga. or anything for that matter.

but through some miracle... tonight I went to yoga... and I could move like a “normal“ ridiculously fat and out of shape person. because I put the work in to make dinners on track, take supplements, reduce stress, stop irritating my neck... so the nerves must be starting to reconnect or just unpinch and transmit again.

i even walked my dog after.

8:30

went to Big lots, the last place to sell my favorite pizzas in the city. i only bought one though... they are right by my fav yoga place and I have decided that one yoga class equals one pizza and if I want a pizza I need to go to yoga, lol.

9:30

called puppet dude and told him about my workout. then told him to pick working with me or dating me. one or the other. he picked dating, lol.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 08/14/2018:
i'm glad there's still hopes for your apple hardware!

I also like to eat when brain is functioning, especially on work days.

all because puppet guy likes you does NOT mean you have to take him up on it...i do agree it sounds shady...ask to be paid! :) perhaps this is a business deal and not a dating deal :)

yup, i am NOBODY'S GF!

lol...circus is up :)

loving your creative writing, you'd make a wonderful author!


legcramps on 08/14/2018:
Totally, don't bother with puppet guy if you're not feeling it, just make sure you're actually not feeling it, not just feeling nervous about being in a relationship with someone.


BearCountryGG on 08/14/2018:
If you don't find him interesting then better to not even get anything started with him.... My sister in law met a guy through a newspaper ad and agreed to meet at a bar.....she took her sister who was going to sit in another area of the bar...she spotted a guy sitting where they agreed to meet...and commented to her sister.."I hope it isn't him"...well it was......so she just decided to change him.....she decided she would make him into the man she really wanted....he didn't cut his hair for her, he didn't wear tighter pants that didn't always seem to be falling down for her...she eventually did get used to him being himself...and they were together for 20 years before he died of cancer.....I guess the moral of this story is that you really can't change someone.


Horn_of_plenty on 08/15/2018:
interesting story by BCGG whoa!


Horn_of_plenty on 08/15/2018:
and congrats on your yoga progress and success :)


legcramps on 08/15/2018:
Awesome job at yoga yesterday, and good job on clarifying what puppet dude wants :)



happy-1 - Monday Aug 13, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Forgot to weigh in. Feel like I gained 20lbs. Water?

7AM

Up, on my own. Late because I was texting that puppet dude. Silly thing to do. Worried about how much my elderly dog is peeing.

- PBJ on bad for me white bread. 

10AM

At Starbucks. Mostly screwing around while things download and intermittent instructions from Apple Support. Just randomly occurred to me that I am seeing the benefit of the OT's instruction to just leave the house for 2h a day. I feel less mentally "stuck"...

- Iced coffee with half n half.

12:40PM

Ran home to check on dog. Did some good things like made dinner ahead, washed two sinks of dishes (where do they come from?) and other housework. 

- Turkey chili w/ cheese

Circus came home... Mom took dad to the Wendy’s with the weird pavement I won’t take him to and he felll. Just got scraped up but he is massively upset and thinks the universe is telling him no more fast food... Can I get that in writing?

- Dark chocolate, raw cashews

Got really tired. Laid down for 10 min. Turned into an hour. The OT would tell me this is when I should get out for a walk.

Setting Bearcountry’s timer for 10 min. Then I will go. Cooler out today. Why am I so tired?

- 2 servings of chicken casserole

6PM

Went to TJ Maxx and meant to only go in and come out again for a pair of replacement sunglasses... They had a million backpacks and I dug through till I found a small one that I don't hate and might stop screwing up my neck. Every day that I have had neck pain I have been carrying my little Steve Madden woven bag. I found a pair of $9 sunglasses and this Levi's bag for $14. Slim enough to discourage carrying anything extra, fits my laptop, light, and has some webbing for attaching a bike helmet or jacket. I think it is for guys, but it was the only one that felt "right".

Levi's Mad City Backpack, Black

Packing it for a successful day tomorrow.

Still thinking about the compass necklace I saw yesterday.

 

I think it was the flood and the hurricane, more than the big earthquake that makes me think about how much I always want to have basic things on me.

9:45PM

Dog walked, fed. She acts 10 years younger when I pick up the leash.

So glad I didn't drive an hour to go see puppet dude do a 3-5 min set and stay out till 2AM. I feel so tired.. Like a million years old. It's a nice cool night and I should get decent sleep. And I'm glad I am not out spending on drinks and food and gas to see some random dude's set.

Focus.

Tomorrow, the plan is to leave my house right away when I wake up, then come back to do chores. Yoga at night.

I should only be spending time on my job search, fitness, my dog, my parents, church, and being outdoors.

 

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
wow that's soooo bad with such expensive apple products!

pb and j was good tasting huh!? did it keep you full a long time??? mine never does!

happy-1 on 08/13/2018:
You pay for software and hardware whether you pay up front or over time. I prefer to pay up front, lol. I'm generally pretty happy with Apple and according to the sr tech this morning there is still hope.


BearCountryGG on 08/13/2018:
I see you are waking up on your own...great new habit forming there!!

happy-1 on 08/13/2018:
Like a week now. All this effort had to pay off eventually. Water on stone eventually wears a path... On my sleep... my weight, my mom's blood sugar... the hoard... my apple products...


Maria7 on 08/13/2018:
I know what it feels like to lose data on your phone and not be able to retrieve it...hope you can get it back. :-)

happy-1 on 08/13/2018:
Thank you. Hugs. Just have to keep moving forward.


BearCountryGG on 08/13/2018:
Good use of your timer.........I feel bad for your dad.

happy-1 on 08/13/2018:
Yeah... I feel bad too. He just tripped. I don’t know why she takes him there. It is a weird parking lot with paved islands around the spaces and the raised part and the flat parts are the same color, no paint or anything. He’s tripped every time he’s gone there the last 2 Year’s.


Donkey on 08/14/2018:
Good day yesterday, good plan for today!

happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
I feel like I should have done more and wasted a lot of time... but maybe it’s mental endurance.

happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
and I have to build it like anything else.



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