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happy-1 - Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 28 on Noom

Still binge eating at night. No idea why, except that this new behavior started when Mom passed along with falling asleep with the tv on. I made chicken teriyaki for dinner over coleslaw steamed in the pan with water. Then I had an RX bar as a bedtime snack... Which turned into 3 more RX bars, a lean cuisine and some mini pretzels. I really need to stop.

So I went shopping... also bad... but I need to stop this somehow and OA was NOT the solution and Noom is good, but not in my bedroom with me at night.

1. Electric Kettle

The behavior replacement nutritionist wanted me to do was to drink hot tea at night but the kettle is in the kitchen. Trying to keep my door closed once I go to bed for the night so I bought a small electric stainless steel coffee percolator on Amazon that will boil water for tea and can replace my plastic one cup coffee maker (I hope... plastic and hot water increases cancer risk). It was used and $10 off... Couldn't resist.


2. Black Running Shoes

I need to move more to eat less. My current running shoes are electric blue and lime green. Love them, but a) I need to save them for actual running, and b) they scream "Hey everyone! Look at my giant sasquatch feet!" These were 50% off, teenager-approved, all black, and blend for athleisure looks at the gym.

3. Yoga Coverup

The pretty white sharkbite tunic didn't work out. It was asian sizing and came nowhere near my butt. Hopefully this will cover my butt and take attention away from my gut until the yoga kicks in. It also is kind of slick so it might not gather pet fur. They had it in black, but I'm just so tired of black.

Today feels like a do over of yesterday. I have a call this AM, then I go pick up horse pine bedding for the cat boxes, then I try to get coffee and read mail. Maybe I can squeeze in yoga. 

But the critical thing I need to do today is make it to the caregiver support group tonight.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/14/2020:
Ooo, I love the yoga cover up! Looks so comfy. I'd wear that to the office if I didn't have such big legs.

Hey, I own that coffee pot! I hope it serves you well!

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
You could wear it to the office with leggings. Boots even.

Black https://www.sierra.com/freedom-trail-by-kyodan-woven-dress-long-sleeve-for-women~p~770mk/?filterString=womens-dresses-and-skirts~d~493%2Fsizefamily~general!xl%2Cl%2F

Green https://www.sierra.com/freedom-trail-by-kyodan-woven-dress-3and4-sleeve-for-women~p~770kr/?filterString=womens-dresses-and-skirts~d~493%2Fsizefamily~general!xl%2Cl%2F

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
I am looking forward to hot tea at night. I am glad you can endorse the coffee pot!!!!

bearcountrygg on 01/14/2020:
Not familiar with horse pine bedding for cat boxes....

happy-1 on 01/15/2020:
It will change your life... So much cheaper and less gross than litter, especially the litter mat and their feet. Smells better too. If you google there are a ton of weird tutorials, but basically, you put 1/2 inch of the pellets in there instead of litter and as the cats pee on it, it turns to sawdust. As the cats poop you pick out the poop with a dog poop bag and put in the trash. Use your littler scooper to turn the pellets so that they get used evenly. The urine doesn't really smell. As long as you aren't leaving poop in the tray, you can use the cat litter in your compost or dispose in yard waste cans. The poop rarely ever works out in compost. It was $4 for 40lbs vs $9 to $16 for regular litter. https://glenbrookzerowaste.wordpress.com/2010/03/30/how-to-compost-your-cats-litter/

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/14/2020:
are the sneakers Mizuno Wave? i love that brand bc they are so comfortable to me!

happy-1 - Monday Jan 13, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 27 on Noom

As always the ex-ish knocks me back on track. It's not like he does anything in particular. All my Garmin biometrics just suddenly go to the blue range. We joked that I have a device that measures how awesome he is and how much easier he makes me to live with. You can also tell by looking at my dog. I relax and my ancient dog will eat something and drink water.

Today I woke up and:

  • Full 8 hrs of sleep
  • Up on time
  • Body battery is up at 70%
  • Fasting blood sugar is in normal range
  • Down 2lbs which puts me back to what I was before the Christmas debacle (although still a whopping 230.2 over my plateau of 216 last year)
  • Breakfast was healthy... Coffee, (nonfat milk powder, laird's creamer), 2 hard boiled eggs, hot sauce, orange
  • My fancy electric car cooler is packed with healthy stuff to keep me on track.
  • Everything is packed and ready for the day. 

Pets are peacefully snoozing on their beds. I'm finishing my coffee. Plan for today:

  • Finish coffee while I log here and check Noom
  • Shower, get dressed
  • Sneak binders out to car
  • Check on shoe repair
  • Get mail
  • Get lunch at Starbucks and read mail
  • Assemble more of Dad's binders from mail
  • Go to Trader Joe's for more cat litter... I only have one cat but he's a pee machine
  • Shoot for 5:45 yoga class at gym I pay for but have been MIA... Me and all the other New Year's resolutionists can elbow each other together

Can't concentrate at home. Too keyed up from being hyper vigilant to avoid drama.

What definitely worked this weekend was that I did my Sams Club haul on the way to meeting up with him. I had a whole kitchen and nearly empty fridge to use to meal prep for this week and nobody yelling at me, manipulating me, or making constant demands on my time and attention while I did it. Super tempted to get my chuckbox out of storage and bring it with me next time.

What really surprised me was that the state of the house, the cat, and my dad were just fine when I got back from being away a night. He really is doing better. No wonder he is being such a pain in the...


Didn't make it from my door to the front door fast enough (ironic because they are next to each other... maybe I need to start hopping out my bedroom window so I can get a cup of coffee and read my mail?) and got caught in helping dad... and wore myself out. My body battery shows a cliff drop from 70% to 30% with the helpful message "Pace yourself! if you keep going at this rate you will burn out." 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I did get to the post office. One achievement on my list. My ratty old tom cat is earning his chicken dinners today. I collapsed on my bed and he came over to purr in my ear. My stress level dropped down to blue.


Why do I always forget about 800mg of advil and a cup of coffee for putting yourself back together.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
That's a good omen that your Dad can spend some time alone....that sure frees your time up a lot. During the more than 7 years that I cared for my Mom......we either still had our house ( for 4 years)...or we had an apartment so that I could get a break myself.....at one point I lived in her house for 4 months and I literally thought I would lose my mind...I have never been a crier...but I got to the point I was escaping to my room and calling D and crying the entire call.....so went back out and got another apartment and improved immediately. Being a caretaker is so much harder than anyone ever imagines.......it is the type of thing that you have to experience to understand. Good for you that you found some peace.

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
It's debilitating. I just read my bio on here and had to change it to reflect my fresher and more positive mindset. Hindsight is 20/20... I should never have moved in to "help" my parents.

Reading your comment I should probably put some hustle on finding a caregiver support group.

You really worked hard for your mom.

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
It's shocking what no processed foods does for a health turnaround. He barely needs to be on oxygen anymore.

bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
The role reversal part is hard on both parent and child and after a lifetime of being the parent...he resists...and the child becomes the head of the house and makes new rules and meaning well.....ends up feeling a lot of responsibility..while the parent feels resentment. It's tough......but you have made his life a lot better with diet and rearranging the house to meet both of your needs..........it's good to hear that he is using less oxygen....that must make you feel good and him too. You are doing a good job HAP.....take breaks when you need to....because you NEED TO!!!!

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
Augh... Thank you for the guidance.

You inspired me to search online and I found caregiver support groups sponsored by a hospital next to Costco and Sams Club... So I can put an order in, pick it up, and go to group.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/13/2020:
isn't it (sometimes) so wonderful when people contribute to our own esteem!? glad you are doing well.

you are def doing well today. thanks for posting that you are well!

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
I think I missed something... "people contribute to our own esteem"?

horn_of_plenty on 01/13/2020:
Your guy! Being with him made you feel good :)

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
Aaaaaaaw, yeah. That's why he's my guy. The cat on the other hand... he's the bad boyfriend that does naughty things and infuriates me but is so cute I keep letting him back into my bed.

Donkey on 01/14/2020:
I think a caregiver support group is an excellent idea.

legcramps on 01/14/2020:
You know, that looks like a pretty good day to me. I know you got stressed and some stuff didn't get done, but you let your cat cheer you up, and you let your ex-ish set you up for a good day today by making you feel good yesterday. It's not about "someone" or "something" making you happy, instead allowing them the opportunity to make you smile. Glad you let them do that for you.

What is a chuckbox?

happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
There is a lot to be said for just being open and letting happiness in. Or a bedraggled tom cat in need of a home.

A chuckbox is a big box that serves as a portable camp kitchen. Usually made of wood or plastic.


Mine is soft-sided and comes apart so it is easier to fit in a car. As I think about it, I could just pull out the bags and leave the table at home for meal prep. I like this because it leaves a little more space when packed and also works great out of the back of my car for tailgating.


happy-1 on 01/14/2020:
Solid chuckboxes fold open, making them hard to leave in the back of the car and still use... Means more work packing and unpacking... And something heavy to haul. With this I can pull all the heavy bags out and move the table, or leave it assembled and pull out a separate waist-height table to cook on.

happy-1 - Sunday Jan 12, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 26 on Noom 

Actually caught myself checking the Noom calorie distribution today when I was about to eat string cheese, saw it was part of the red group and I was over calories on, and picked chicken instead.

Got up on time this morning. One foot in front of each other.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
Good job...Noom is working for you!!

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
We shall see! I still emotionally/binge ate 2 rx bars and a small bean and cheese quesadilla last night. Less than other binge eating sessions though. Maybe not enough protein at dinner.

bearcountrygg on 01/13/2020:
Noon didn't have any impact on me at all......if you get something out of it then something is better than nothing.....sounds like it's making you think...it just made me rebel...LOL

happy-1 on 01/13/2020:
You only look mainstream on the outside, I get it.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/13/2020:
great job picking something more satisfying / filling.

happy-1 - Thursday Jan 09, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 23 on Noom

Dog woke me up at 5:30am. I was lucky and got 5/45 hrs of sleep so I will be functional if a little overwhelmed today. I could have gone to a 7:30 yoga class but last night was exhausting and I just stared into space for a couple of hours. The folks there were 10 kinds of crazy with the loss of their parent(s) and I was one of them. I did talk to a nice lady in the parking lot after for a while.

Eventually I got up and started doing mindless chores, and started my day. There's so many dishes to wash. I don't feel like washing them. I'd rather just throw them all away.

Tracking where my day goes...

  • 5:30 AM - Up. Too early.  Or bed too late.
  • Weigh in
  • Coffee, nonfat milk powder, lairds creamer
  • Shower
  • Apple, almond butter packet
  • Noom
  • Change cat boxes
  • Take out trash and recyling
  • General pickup and tidying
  • Setup dishes to wash
  • 9:30 AM - Break to log here while I pet my fat, persnickety tomcat
  • cheap supermarket sushi: seaweed salad, spicy brown rice tuna roll
  • 11am haircut
  • 1/2 pbj (100% whole wheat bread, creamy peanut butter, reduced sugar jam)
  • 1 PM Take dad to doctor
  • seltzer
  • 3 PM Take dad home from doctor
  • Crawl off to bed for a while. Unbellievably wiped
  • 2 packets peanuts
  • Tortilla chips with cheese
  • Realize I am too tired to go to Sams Club to pick up order. Will have to go in AM.
  • Hot tea with powdered milk
  • Vacuum
  • Clean out fridge
  • Do dad's sheets, curtains, etc.
  • Dog poops in house, I step in it. Lots to clean up
  • More chores
  • 8pm - Should be in bed. Still doing laundry
  • Turkey patty with 2 slices wheat bread
  • 9pm Hot tea with powdered milk
  • chips w cheese
  • 10pm - Mom's auto voicmail rings to tell dad to check his numbers, have a snack, goodnight. I listen to it like 201 times. I want my mom.
  • 10:05pm - lights out, pets evicted. in bed

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/09/2020:
nice job! i am eager to start making my own seaweed salads, i just need to find a place that sells the type of seaweed i want....i may find it tonight :)

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:
It was pretty good. Wreaked havoc on my tummy. Must have been a lot of sugar

bearcountrygg on 01/09/2020:
I hear you about washing dishes...that and cleaning bathrooms are my most detested chores.

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/10/2020:
Sometimes seaweed salads do that too me too - lots of water also and fiber.

Donkey on 01/11/2020:
Chips are my downfall - always.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jan 08, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Noom Day 22 

Gradually getting back on plan.

  • Was up before 8 AM (7:30... major improvement over yesterday)
  • Weighed in
  • Showered
  • Had coffee
  • Logged coffee to Noom as breakfast and read articles
  • Updated habit tracker
  • Fed pets (prompted by the cat trying to eat me)
  • Had on track breakfast (1/2 enchilada, 2 eggs, greens, hot sauce)
  • Laundry
  • Filled dad's med tray
  • Dishes
  • Floors
  • Tidying
  • Dyed eyebrows and lashes with lash tint
  • 1 piece whole wheat toast, mustard, low sodium deli turkey
  • Watching emergence as a break
  • Cheese stick, apple
  • Went through grocery ads.
  • Listened to dad feel sad about mom
  • Ate emotionally in bedroom, but did ok. RX bar, seltzer 7.5 oz



Tonight is the adult loss of parent support group. It's $100 for 8 weeks. Fair price to support the group.

I'm also supposed to look for a cargiver support group... But one thing at a time.


Tired. Had a negative morning start. Tried sending fun date ideas to ex-ish and got negativity in response. Not that he doesn't want to see me or do anything,  just... He's stressed and tired and everything is overwhelming. And possibly not the best things to send over text... Ideas were art walk (he doesn't want to go), cooking class (he doesn't want to take a class, any class, ever), Scot festival in February (no response at all to that), and reflexology massage and sushi (no go on both). He does want to go to Medieval Times... which I cringe at the idea of, but could be fun with him. He likes things like movies (why do I have to sit still for 2h?), sitting around watching Netflix, and Disneyland. To make it even more confusing, he sent a link with good places to go hiking last week... but didn't want to go to any of those places. It was just for me to see and go there on my own (cause that's fun... not).

*Bangs head gently on pillow*



Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2020:
lol that's funny he sends you places to hike, without him! sounds like exish likes to RELAX in his spare time! i would do an ART WALK! and Scot Festival!

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
Right? Aaaaaaaaaargh.

I am down to just relax... but it gets BORING. Doing SOMETHING... even 1x a month... We're not some old married couple.

You would be fun to do both those things with!

bearcountrygg on 01/08/2020:
You did get lots done today. I will say one thing....if you force a guy to go and participate in something he doesn't want to do....he will make you miserable....maybe at some point you can take turns picking things to do......but at least he gave you some ideas too.......hopefully there is something that you would enjoy too...He sounds like he may not like small groups...and prefers to do things where there is no contact with others besides you......things you can just go to on your own together with no specific times.

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:
Force, no. Nudge, yes. He hasn't been exposed to any of the cultural or historical stuff in our area... and sometimes he really actually enjoys things he wouldn't have expected to enjoy... Like checking out Los Alamitos Ranch and Gardens, the Botanical Gardens, etc. He was one of the cool kids in high school and that meant never stepping out of his comfort zone.

Donkey on 01/09/2020:
Sounds like a good day to me!

happy-1 on 01/09/2020:
It was!

happy-1 - Tuesday Jan 07, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Noom Day 21

Still off track. Binge ate last night and stayed up too late. Overslept this morning. Diddled around tidying then slapped myself in the face, changed my attitude, and made progress on two critical action items... and limited dad to those two action items when he wanted to pile more on top of me. Then I slicked a clear polish over my nails. I even ordered cat pine litter for local pickup at the cheap rate. Planning my next move for the day...

Things I can look forward to...

  • Wed - Grief support group starts. 
  • Thurs - Haircut
  • Fri - Organizer
  • Sat - Farmers market and art walk with the ex-ish 

And also looking forward to getting knocked back on track by time with the ex-ish. Noom coach says that time with friends is good but also knocks me off track because even though I stick to my plans (bringing water, skipping boba, starting with soup, skipping cupcakes, getting home on time), because they do not make healthy choices for themselves the micro interactions between those choices contribute to overall self control / self discipline depletion and in my case actual burnout. It's not just me. It's an actual thing... Which makes me feel better a bit... I wouldn't kick myself for getting off track with a head cold, I would just give myself recovery time.


Realized today that Hulu Live has news channels... How did I not realize this before???? Omg... Back to the world.


Was about to do yoga at home for the first time since I finished setting up the studio space... and my mom's cat peed all over my purple mat with dragon flies on it I have had since college. I was getting him a scratchpad for that spot when he took a leak and I swatted him with the scratchpad, then chased him through the house.  The yoga mat is soaking in the tub with dish detergent.  The cat is locked in the small bathroom untill mommy calms down.

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't have kids. You can't lock your child in a bathroom till you calm down.

Breathe. It was an old mat. I have a super nice one in the car to take for studios... it was why I saved my old yoga mats... so that my dog could have walkways on slippery surfaces. 

Except Internet research shows that cats love to pee on yoga mats. Rubber emits some kind of smell that is close to their own urine... so they just whiz away on them and shred them up. 

Murder kitty, murder.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/08/2020:
Well.....true...you can't lock a kid in the bathroom....but you can lock your self in there......I have no idea how many times in my life during a high frustration level with a kid......i would say "I have to go to the bathroom..."....And NEVER did anyone say..".OH NO YOU DON'T"......so it diffused the situation. Also.......did you know that you should never clean a litter box out with any kind of soap or cleaner......just dump it...scrape it with a litter sifter......and dispose of the litter ( bagged of course)...in the trash.......if you scrub or spray or clean their litter box they are highly offended and treat it as if it should not be used? In fact when buying a new litter box take a little of the dirty litter from their old box and put it in the new one......show it to them...put them in it...it's okay if they jump right back out....but introduce them to it....also some cats are highly offended by a litter box that is not cleaned often and will refuse to use it. You can also take the cat to the litter box and sit it in there...and praise them...some are just confused and have some old bad habits.......we do that with puppies...and when potty training children....it can work with cats too.....good puck...it's never any fun finding "surprises".

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
HA!!!! If I ever do pull off foster/adopting kids I will look for a house with small bedrooms and huge bathrooms.

When I clean his litter box, I just dislodge and wipe off any poop that hit the sides... He loves the pine litter.

I moved my camp chair off the vinyl flooring, put the yoga mat down, turned my back to get the camera tripod (to mount my phone at an angle I can see and the instructor can see me in the mirrors)... and in that minute I heard scratching, grabbed a scratch pad to move him to, and then saw him pee the mat. I swatted him because picking him up mid pee just creates a kitty fountain.

He's just being an ******.

bearcountrygg on 01/08/2020:
Forgot to mention that it isn't good to keep moving their litter box...if you do have to move it...then only move it a very few inches a day...so that it's barely noticeable......I will be moving Sampsons boxes this winter to a different part of the basement and it will take me a couple of weeks to get them to the new spots.......they are like us...they like to know where the bathrooms are.

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
Good to know... I will do that if I ever need to move litter boxes again!

innerpeace on 01/08/2020:
I don't know about that! My mom locked one of her great grand kids in the room until she quit screaming. It was only about 5 minutes...but it can happen. LOL have a great day.

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
If you are really on your last nerve and ancient... Might be the smart choice! I'm amazed she had the physical strength.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2020:
Lately i'm binge eating in terms of too much volume...I need to have a little less soon.

happy-1 - Monday Jan 06, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 20 on Noom 

Last night, I was home on time to go to bed at 8 but had an earache and stayed up for some bizarre reason watching "Famously Single" and binge eating. Not proud. Missed 8AM yoga this morning and the scale is waaaaaay up again.

Why is it that doing something as simple as an activity and dinner with friends knocks me off track?

Turning this around.

8AM - Up

10AM - 100 calories: Coffee with nonfat milk powder and Lairds creamer

  • 5 min on the bike while checking Noom. Checking Noom took like an hour. Just tired and cranky.
  • Figured out how to use voice dictation for data entry
  • Dishes
  • Laundry
  • Shower
  • Reorganized closet

 1pm - Resting. Actual food. Added chips, cheese, and extra greens to be satisfying. 500 calories: 1/2 a black bean enchilada, soyrizo, cheese, chips, 2 eggs, 4 cups of power greens. Still hungry.

Pets are underfoot and super distracting. Dog keeps wandering around bedroom, spacey. 

Replanning my day. I think I just give up for today and focus on resetting... Do the things I would have done on Sunday to get ready for the week.

2:30pm - 600 calories Low sodium turkey slice, Trader Joe's Kale yogurt diip, pretzel thins 

3:30pm Still hungry. 300 cal Chocolate hummus, peanut butter, too many pretzels. Orange for not enough portion control.


Cleaned out fridge. 

Made pet food.

Attempted to rescue mushrooms and gound turkey... They didn't go bad exactly, but they definitely would have been better last week. Guess I will know in a couple of hours. Sigh.

Ground turkey, onion, capellini pasta, tomato sauce, spices, cheese. Orange for portion control and no green veggies.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/06/2020:
You are off to a good start, you can turn it around. You know how to make healthy choices and are much more experienced than when you started!

happy-1 on 01/06/2020:
Hugs! TY!

bearcountrygg on 01/06/2020:
Good for you getting out with friends!

happy-1 on 01/07/2020:
Thanks! I need to do it more.

legcramps on 01/07/2020:
You've got this. Great start!

happy-1 on 01/07/2020:
Thank you!!!!!

happy-1 - Sunday Jan 05, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 19 on Noom

Changed my weightloss speed on Noom to "turtle" because I can't meet the calorie budget. I took another look at my before photos I took yesterday... I don't feel so great about them.

Had a nice day out for a friend's birthday. We tried a Vietnamese head spa and then had sushi.

Oh too many calories and simple carbs in the white rice, but I had fun. Then I topped it off with tortilla chips.

At least I skipped the high sugar/caffeine boba tea and the birthday boozy cupcakes. We shall see what the scale has to say tomorrow.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/06/2020:
sounds like a very fun bday...lately i get my highs from iced coffees that i drink at home!

happy-1 on 01/07/2020:

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/06/2020:
i buy storebought iced coffee in the fridge section, sweeten with stevia, add almond milk :) so sweet, so tasty, and i can drink as little or as much as i want since i have the option to pour it and not drink more than i need :)

happy-1 on 01/06/2020:
I used to do that... I just do the one cup in the AM now so I just make my coffee up fresh... I have instant espresso powder I add to milk or protein powder when that's too much work.

happy-1 - Saturday Jan 04, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 18 on Noom

Responded to a group post on Noom by a woman who is struggling to get her husband to eat at home and not go out for meals because they both have a lot of weight to lose. I described how I'm getting my dad to not eat out as much and another woman responded that it sounds so incredibly hard. I was a little put out... She didn't say "That's a big challenge. Good strategy." Was kind of put out... But then I realized she was also talking about driving 2h to see her stepdad in care and she was thinking what her life would be like if she had to do this. OK. I feel you.

4 days of real sleep in a row. Life is possible. I woke up at 5:30am with the help of a bedtime feature on the iPhone that actually works. I had coffee (laird's creamer, powdered milk) and a healthy breakfast sandwich (whole grain english muffin, egg, turkey, 1/2 slice reduced fat swiss, tomato, spinach, mustard) I was at yoga by 8am. Then I dropped of hazmat and got some lunch... Whole Foods bbq bar meat and hot food bar veggies. Now I am home to recharge, shower, and put on real pants. Dad wants to go to the 99 cent store.

I had the yoga instructor help me take progress photos for Noom. It was awkward but she was nice about it. I still need to take measurements.

The cat has started coming into my room and paying attention to me again. Even after he has been fed. Aaaaw kitty. Ok... too much attention. I need to type.

Tall size Old Navy jeggings have arrived... OMG... The incredible comfort of tall size clothes. This must be what it feels like to be normal height... Never cold in the middle and pulling up your pants.

Dad wanted me to take him to the 99 cent store to buy batteries. I said ok... but you need to pack yourself a snack, your kit, and extra undies because we are doing it on the way to other errands and it will be a while. Suddenly he didn't want to go anymore. I don't feel bad. He got to go to Ralph's yesterday. I've been cleaning up his mess for months. It's saturday... I'm getting as many errands as I can done then getting a haircut. I don't have to cancel my plans on his whims even if they aren't real plans... They are my plans.


Managed to get to the bank and locksmith. Then got HANGRY and went to Ralphs because for $10 I obtained salmon sushi with brown rice and a side salad with an egg and a couple of pieces of lunch meat. Then I set my timer for 30 minutes and drank 27 oz of water. Then I went next door to Panera and had black tea with half n half and monkfruit sweetner. Then I had another. Tried to do work, but there was too much drama there. Tried to get my haircut but my stylist had left and they didn't tell me I was reassigned. Wasn't feeling it. Got dad batteries and went home.

When I got home, I fed the pets. The smell made me hungry so I blew my Noom calorie budget even further by having rye toast with butter, 1 slice of roast beef, and 1 cheese stick. Then I compounded it by having unsalted tortilla chips with shredded cheese and pico. Then because there was still pico left, I had more pico, chips and cheese.

7pm. Alexa alert went off to clean but I was eating cips and too lazy to stand up.

8pm. Alexa alert went off but I'm too tired to go to bed... Which means I should definitely go to bed.

Except that I feel like I didn't get enough done today. All I actually accomplished was getting keys copied.



10 30 pm RX bar because I was hungry.

1.2 a PBJ because I was hungry

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/04/2020:
Sounds like you got a lot done today and it also sounds like your Dad is calming down....you are making great headway!

happy-1 on 01/04/2020:
One foot in front of the other takes you a long way. One bite at a time and you eat the whole elephant.

Not giving in to dad's tantrums is settling him down, just like a toddler. It's horrifying.

happy-1 on 01/04/2020:
Horrifying because I would hate to have my kid turn around and treat me like a toddler, but I don't know what else to do... But feeding him and taking him places... so... guess that's all I can do.

bearcountrygg on 01/05/2020:
That does seem to be the way it goes....as my youngest son has always said..."we begin our lives wearing pampers and end them wearing grampers"...and that pretty well sums it up. I was definately feeling like I was caring for a 2 year old while caring for my Mom....She had no idea how to write a check, or fill her pill box.....once when she spilled 3 days worth of pills from the box she called me crying...I drove 45 minutes to fix that....when she lost her drivers license she drove her van up the driveway and backed it up and drove forward again over and over again becaue NO ONE was going to tell her she couldn't drive......she told me that if they caught her on the road she would just pay the $1,000 fine...but she stopped sneaking out when I read her the actual penalty which was $1,000 fine and/or jail....well...hearing the jail bit shook her into staying out of her van. I'm hearing my kids now asking how we are, being reminded that we are in our final years, etc....and I have to admit.....I'm noticing things myself that i'm not comfortable with in both D and I.........it's no fun getting old.

happy-1 on 01/05/2020:
Augh. I bet. You were amazing going and taking care of her for so long.

Donkey on 01/05/2020:
^ "Grampers" - ha ha ha ha!!!! Sorry, Happy, to hijack your entry, but Bear's comment was just too funny not to say something about that. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Happy, I really like how you are putting your food choices in green and orange (and red? Did I see that correctly?).

I would like someone to take pictures of me in yoga poses at the Yoga Studio, but I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone. I couldn't even get a selfie AFTER class.

happy-1 on 01/06/2020:
green and orange... I figure red is reserved for buying a sheet pan cake and eating the whole thing.

bearcountrygg on 01/05/2020:
In reference to my post again Happy....I wasn't always the nicest of people...we had our disagreements.....we didn't always see eye to eye...i tried to let her lead what our days would consist of and i regret that the last day i spent with her was not the nicest....we did butt heads that day and I admit that haunts me....she passed in her sleep overnight and I wish i had spent her last hours in a better mood......but it is what it is. Dealing with parents who are used to running the show but no longer capable of that is very trying. It's hard for them to give up that lifelong freedom and I can't blame them. But no...no where near amazing for me.....i tried to keep things calm and her content...but it was hard on both her and I.

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
Hugs. It sounds like you were a warrior and fought the good fight.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/05/2020:
yeah, the woman who said "it's hard," well, i think she meant it with kind intentions i think and not to put you down or hurt your feelings :) ...she must just be having her own issues...and struggling. but you do a great job with your dad :) xoxo

that bbq meat sounds good, not so unhealthy! :) sounds wonderful as is everything from Whole Foods! I was just at a Fairway, not sure if you have that grocery store by you...it was a fun trip of seeing what they had to offer and where i found my pb&j ice cream by Halo Top that i'm enjoying now!

I'm glad my entries make you hungry - i do enjoy a lot of good snacks and meals :) and i'm glad someone else finds them good, too!

Sometimes i get very snacky too...the only thing that helps me is that lately i have a good selection of low cal foods to mix with high cal ones. I just ate the entire PB&J halo top pint of ice cream, yum. 360 cals for the pint ...not bad!

happy-1 on 01/08/2020:
Yeah... I got a little defensive, but maybe I will breathe first next time. It's a weird app for group chat... there aren't a lot of features that you would expect there so it makes it hard to track conversations. I asked the goal specialist for tips on how to post so that I get a response. the threads are a little hard to pin down.

YUM. I love protein ice cream. Nutritionist says those are an "in moderation" treat as well because they are still highly processed. She says to take greek yogurt, flavor it, and freeze it.

happy-1 - Friday Jan 03, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Day 17 on Noom

Got a group today on Noom. I count 26 people. Seems like a lot to be in a group... Isn't there some kind of rule about group dynamics that a group that successfully moves to a goal together is usually only 5-9 people?

Pushing on the Goal Specialist to help me nail down the 2 devices for inner elephant and rider... F if I know. She is not helpful.

Today was another visit from the pro organizer. We're starting to catch up with all the stuff we pulled out and getting ready to tackle the middle bedroom. Today she helped my dad reorganize his drawers so he can find stuff. I should have been able to do that for him but I just can't listen/help him that long. She had the brilliant idea to put the oxygen tanks in his closet. Very smart. Made the room work a ton better.

We also unearthed the other microwave. So I now have a functional kitchen in my bedroom. I ordered a little immersion heater on Amazon that I can use to boil water for tea... But it doesn't get here till February.

Took dad to the post office and Ralph's today after the organizer left... which is always a "wear me out" trip. I actually started with a fairly high body battery level at 78 today... but it dropped down to 5 while in Ralphs. It was like pushing sand to get home.

This of course made me hungry enough to eat the cat... 

Alexa reminded dad at 6pm that it was last call for any requests from me. She will tell him in 6 minutes that I am in bed with the lights off and good night.

This means I absolutely cannot leave the bedroom under any circumstances. Even though there are dishes in the sink and a tray with cat food crumbs in it on the kitchen floor that is going to make me crazy. I added a reminder at 7PM that it is time to cleanup.

Trying to distract myself from eating... Too tired to keep cleaning. Drinking tea and watching "Famously Single" where reality TV celebrities go through a dating bootcamp. I am not proud. 

Other candidates for distraction...

  • Hot & Heavy... Mixed weight love.
  • My 600 lb life
  • Skin Tight... Skin removal post extreme weight loss
  • Love Lust or Run... Makeovers
  • Married by Mom and Dad

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/04/2020:
That group size is about where mine was to start...and the started dropping off very quickly...and my group got so small...they combined us with another group with the same problem...by the time the 3 months was done it was down to 2 or 3.....Sounds like some good rules are being made for you and your dad...the organizer has some very good ideas. Sometimes it takes someone else seeing the dynamics in a family to point out issues....she seems to be doing a good job.

happy-1 on 01/04/2020:
OMG... I'm so paralyzed by so many years of anger, I literally could not help him move simple things around in his room without direction... I can't believe it's been 5+ months and I am still working on basics here.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/04/2020:
It's been another successful day for you with lots of progress in moving forward. sounds like a great day, happy :)

happy-1 on 01/04/2020:
With support from you and all the others here, we all spiral up.

Donkey on 01/04/2020:
I agree with you on group size. Anything larger than 6 and I tend to become a quiet observer.

I like the Alexa reminder idea for dad. That's a really good idea! My husband got the Echo Dot for Christmas and I'm wondering if I could use that to help me at night, to get me into bed early enough.

Oh don't even get me started on Distraction TV. How ironic that you mention this, because I was just thinking this morning of all the lovely distraction shows (that's the kindest way I could put it) my lovely daughter has introduced me to lately. Please do yourself a favor and stay away from any Real Housewives series. It's like watching a train-wreck. You just can't stop watching. (PS I can't stop watching My 600 Pound Life)

happy-1 on 01/04/2020:
You could do that with routines prompted at a time (Alexa says"Hey Donkey, it's 8pm. time to go to bed. Go brush your teeth." then she waits 5 min and says "Hey Donkey, put out clothes for tomorrow", etc. Routines are only on the phone app. If you want to use the web app to manage the reminders, you just have to set a reminder for each time slot you want to be reminded at for each device you want to play a reminder. Like a reminder in the kitchen, vs a reminder in the bedroom.

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