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happy-1 - Friday Aug 26, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Fri 8-26-22 7:20am:

Light on REM today... 0:46... half what I need. Why? I am sharing a full size bed with a giant blanket hog who decided to try to share my pillow in his sleep and ended up elbowing me in the nose! Not Mama Cat. Bobcat. Good problem to have.

Still, pretty tired today. 7 day Avg REM is at 1:10. Weight is 245.5... Sugar is slightly better but not much.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Inch by inch

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
1pm. Body battery is at quitting time. 25. My 40 points went to: Taking out trash and 6 bags of dad’s stuff to toss (bedding more than 2 inches thick, underwear, shoes that can’t be donated or recycled), therapy appointment, getting the stuck license plate off the car so I can junk it at the dmv this week, 1 load of laundry, breakfast, filling the green trash barrel with overgrowth from the back yard, and a shower.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
2:45 after all that I went face first into a keto pizza and a pint of keto ice cream. Topped it off with salted peanuts. Bad for cholesterol and my waistline, but sugar is trending ok. Weird.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Spent the rest of the day on my butt watching tv to try and get decent sleep tonight. Working theory is that will decrease HRV overnight and allow me to get rem sleep.

5ish. Made a keto Chinese chicken salad and jacked up my sugar by 55 points. Hidden sugar in the dressing???

7:25. Just took melatonin and did dishes. Just a few because only mine were in the sink. House is too quiet.

Jacky82020 on 08/26/2022:
You guys need one of those California King size beds! Understand it’s the largest one.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
I have one in storage. Need to make room for it. Irony is it probably wouldn’t help because in his sleep he migrates over to wherever I am and sometimes even pushes me out of bed. I just grab my pillow and a towel and take up residence on his side, then repeat.

bearcountrygg on 08/26/2022:
Well...At least he didn't think your pillow was a marshmallow and try to eat it....LOL....Could have been worse.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
How many weight watchers points would that be? ;-)

bearcountrygg on 08/26/2022:
I also want to send condolances on the loss of your Dad .......I'm sure you can take solace in the knowlege that he is no longer in pain. But it is still hard to lose a parent.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Thank you. He became diabetic when I was 5 and was miserable everyday after that. So much waste. I wish I could have done more but he fought me every inch.

SomeFineDay on 08/26/2022:
I am sorry you lost your father. Life is sad and difficult at times. But it turns around.

If my old man gets too blanket piggie and restless, I go to the other room.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Ty. I miss him terribly. We fought every single day… but he was there to fight with every single day.

I like co-sleeping… I just need a bigger bed. With a moat down the middle.

Donkey on 08/27/2022:
I wanted to apologize for my lack of commenting. Right now, some days are just too hard. But I do read your entries. I empathize with you greatly. I'm greatly impressed with your ability to clear things out and such. Both Husband and myself are so stuck in this regard, although for me, it's mostly because I'm at work during the week. I will work a little bit on his room today. But I'm quite impressed with what you've been able to accomplish.


happy-1 on 08/27/2022:
You’re doing more commenting than I am… all I am managing to say is one or two things to let people know I read their entry and make them feel heard.

His bedroom is more of a caregiver station… It hurts, but going through that stuff isn’t deeply personal. I haven’t hit the garage yet… all his personal stuff ended up out there and it’s wrecked and that is going to make me bawl.

And the middle bedroom with all my mom’s art… augh…

happy-1 - Thursday Aug 25, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Thurs 8-25-22 10:30am

Having a hard time getting started today despite 8h of sleep, 77 body battery, and better sugar. Bobcat says it is an aggravation hangover because getting the medical equipment picked up was so frustrating. I think it is only getting 0:58 REM. Regardless, I don't have days to slack right now. Everyday counts. But I'm sluggish.

It's good to have Bobcat here.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/25/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/25/2022:
7pm - My claim to fame for today was spending an hour and a half cleaning up my dad’s room post equipment pickup and turning it into a workspace. I set up 2 desks, 1 for me and 1 for Bobcat, who has school starting soon. Then I picked up prescriptions and did grocery shopping. I made an omelette for breakfast this morning. Dinner is a rotisserie chicken. Early to bed tonight so I can take stuff out to the trash in the morning.

legcramps on 08/25/2022:

happy-1 on 08/25/2022:

Jacky82020 on 08/25/2022:
Glad the Bobcat’s around. It must have been simultaneously a relief, depressing and frustrating dealing with the medical equipment. Good it’s over & done with.

happy-1 on 08/25/2022:
And just a reminder of how miserable my dad was for years and years and nothing I did made it any better.

He isn’t super productive but at least he is company.

Jacky82020 on 08/26/2022:
You did your best but often there’s nothing to be done with someone who is ill and may have been difficult in good health. My MIL was like that. Always a self absorbed controlling mean little witch & didn’t change when she developed CHF. That was probably linked to chain smoking since she was 15. Like 2-3 packs a day.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
That’s a lot of cigarettes!

happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 24, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Wed 8-24-22 9:20am:

Slept 12h. Sleep quality deficit is almost closed. Was able to get my head around ordering prescription refills this morning. It's a nice change. I've pretty much been drooling on myself for a week. If I hadn't gone to the funeral I'd be on the other side of it already... but it was good to be there.

Last night I experimented with making cauliflower grits. It's the staple side on the Factor75 meals. As far as I can tell they really simplified their menu and it's protein, grits and a green veg in different combinations... or a protein, broccoli rice and a cheese sauce. Not as fancy as it used to be. It wasn't hard to make grits. I can pull that off 1x a week.

Today the medical equipment gets picked up. I basically have to sit around here all day waiting for it. A nice slow start to getting back on my feet.



Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/24/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/24/2022:
1:30pm. So far my claim to fame is eating on schedule, packing meds and tidying up.

happy-1 on 08/25/2022:
10:15pm Medical equipment picked up. Finally. Driver tried to fake contacting me and I was unreachable. I tracked him down and had him rerouted.

Weirdly, today was emotional… it was a gut stab to get it picked up.

Jacky82020 on 08/24/2022:
Glad you’re catching up on your sleep, very important. I’m unfamiliar with Factor 75, will take a look.

Walmart never lets me forget when a prescription needs to be refilled. Their nice robot lady calls. When I call in to request it, they do more robo calls saying when it’s ready & the cost, adding to get it within 7 days or so. The RX ready calls get annoying when I don’t pick them up in a few days.

But they do not refill “controlled substances.” I have to call the PCP every 30 days for a new RX. I only get one Xanax a day to help me fall asleep. Very aggravating how they make me take random pee tests for one little low dose pill. You’d think I’m getting morphine or something stronger & not this one pill per day. They do a full tox screen for every drug I’ve ever heard of & a few new to me. I’d be in trouble if I had other drugs onboard or didn’t have the expected blood level of Xanax.

happy-1 on 08/24/2022:
Ugh! That’s awful!!!

I prepack supplements and meds and there are a couple I needed to refill to pack a full 30 days. Plus I am out of sensors and getting them at costco right now. $72 a month, but the beep if I go too high now, so helpful.

Jacky82020 on 08/24/2022:
Those are enviable accomplishments under good times or sad times. I loved Costco when there was one in town, but none by here, only a crappy Sam’s club, owned by Walmart. For what we buy prices not better than the regular Walmart Supercenter.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Yeah, the Costco discount on gas and the prescriptions not on insurance, and pet meds makes it worth it here. Plus the treats. They have a keto club mix right now that is to die for.

horn_of_plenty on 08/24/2022:
well, i support 12hrs sleep when the body needs it! lately, i enjoy it myself on weekends. go you. glad you are getting the rest your body seems to require at the moment. HUGS!

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Yeah, the pattern seems to be that once my 7 day avg total sleep is up past 7, deep sleep spikes, then REM starts rebounding. The 12h sleep must be part of my body’s recovery process.


coffee&calories on 08/24/2022:
Hope you’re doing okay. I’m sure you needed the sleep desperately. XO

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
I did!!! Ty!

Donkey on 08/25/2022:
When the medical supply folks came to pick up my step-father's stuff, my mother mentioned how sobering that was. Startling, in fact. His bed had eventually been set up in the middle of the living room, so when it was gone, it REALLY hit home that Papa was gone.

I don't know that there's "closure" to grief, but there are milestones, such as this, that can mark new phases of grieving. At least I think so. You remain in my thoughts during this sad, uncertain time.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Yeah… milestones… I’m going through them slower because I need my sleep to recover.

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 23, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Tues 8-23-22 8:20 am:

Bouncing back from waking up at 5am with an allergy attack. My lesson for the day on turning off the air filters in my bedroom while I am gone for the day. No bueno. Also no bueno? Discovering that Bobcat eradicated my coffee supply... all my via packets, 3 bottles of instant espresso, and a whole can of costco coffee. How???

Today I am resting. The driving and the funeral yesterday really wore me out. I need to pull a memorial together for my dad. I have no idea how you do that if you don't have an army of relatives showing up at your door helping you.

Also overwhelming is packing up this rental, going back to work, and finding a new place to live. Where do I even start? Bobcat is helpful, but not a strategist. If I ask him to move a box, he will do that... but map out our lives moving forward? He says he's not a professional. Ok... but what professional does that? He has the general idea of moving to AZ but we don't know anyone there.

Blood sugar still not managed. Debating Factor75. Tallying up grocery bill for the week on Walmart and figuring out if it might be about the same price as meal delivery.


Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/23/2022:
Inch by inch.

Donkey on 08/24/2022:
Oh what a bother allergies are. Our new hire guy had them really bad yesterday. What a pain and inconvenience.

For Son's memorial service, the church (our church, but I haven't been there since the 2016 election) had most of it structured for us. There was structure, and then we chose the readings and the songs within that structure. I don't know if you need to belong to a certain church for them to help you out with a memorial service.

Male Co-Worker said that the funeral home he went to, to organize a memorial for a dear friend, also had a planner lady there that really helped get thoughts and intentions organized.

As for the rest of your life... Wow!

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Yeah, it’s an issue of photos… everyone has photos in the memorials and all of our photos have been in a box for decades and I’ve never seen them.

happy-1 - Monday Aug 22, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Mon 8-22-22 8:45pm

Good to see that kids are taking over webmaster duties. It's an awesome learning opportunity.

Went to a funeral today for a family friend who passed the same day as my dad, of the same thing. 

Blood sugar still not under control. Working on it.

House is too quiet. Bobcat needs to come back. It's better when he's here.

Finding my way forward day by day.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/22/2022:
Inch by inch.

Jacky82020 on 08/22/2022:
OMG! I am so sorry. I didn’t know your dad was gone. I must have missed a few posts. Last time I remember he was in rehab recovering from an amputated toe. I had no idea it was that serious, even though you did mention CHF. The guy I like for US Senator is only 50 and was DX’d with that, but he had two heart surgeries to fix it, I forget what. And is out campaigning again. He is a big guy, 300 pds, but is 6’9’ so doesn’t look much overweight really.

My heart goes out to you. Take good care of yourself and rest up. HUGS

happy-1 on 08/23/2022:
I didn’t post for a while. Was too sleep deprived to pull it off. Then I slept for a week. I’m just kind of coming back to the world now. Thank you.

coffee&calories on 08/23/2022:
Happy, I’m so incredibly sorry to read that you lost your father. I don’t know the circumstances around what happened or if it was expected, but regardless the pain is intense and I remember those days all too well. Please take care of yourself as you grieve. Many hugs xoxo

happy-1 on 08/23/2022:
Thank you. It’s all too much to talk or think about right now.

Donkey on 08/23/2022:
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss. I really do wish I could give you a real hug. I'm thinking of you. You are not alone in your time of grief.

happy-1 on 08/23/2022:
Thank you. Hugs!!!!!!

happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 17, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Wed 8-17-22 5:15am:

XNot sleeping well. High sugar is waking me up at 3 am. Today I get it back under control and move forward. 

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/17/2022:
Inch by inch

Donkey on 08/17/2022:
(((hugs))) I'm glad that you posted - I was getting worried.

happy-1 on 08/26/2022:
Oh, sorry didn’t mean to scare anyone. I just got so tired I couldn’t focus to post.

Maria7 on 08/17/2022:
Yes, good to hear from you. Hope you feel better.

bearcountrygg on 08/17/2022:
I've been thinking about you....((HUGS))

happy-1 - Monday Aug 08, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Mon 8-8-22 8:20am:

Had the weirdest dream this morning and woke up just in time to answer a critical phone call. I think it was my mom waking me up. Just a feeling that it was. No concrete evidence.

Phone call was an anxiety-inducing setback that impacts timelines. Augh. 

Dad is a little worse. Find out today what that means. I called him at 6pm to say goodnight after dinner and he told me he was worse, that the doctor was going to call me, but I hadn't received a call... I don't know how I missed the call. I am watching my phone every waking minute right now. Anxiety was triggered, probably released cortisol, and I was wired and tired. Insomnia till 1 am. 

I ate because I was up, and messed up my sugar for today.

Also not enough total sleep... only 5h... but they were qua lity hours. Garmin shows healthy REM cycles. I just needed a couple more hours. Starting my day with one foot in a bucket of cement. Still need to do the whole day.

Nerve in leg is acting up. I really need to exercise... but right now all my cognitive/physical  energy needs to go to paperwork, phone calls, and errands.It's awfully nice to wake up and get cuddles from both my cats. What a luxury in all this.

Experimenting with farming out tasks on TaskRabbit as I can.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/08/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/09/2022:
10:20. Survived another day. No idea how. Dad is sicker. I ate a keto pizza and then scarfed bobcat’s tortilla chips. Smart.

innerpeace on 08/08/2022:
And yet no matter how bad you feel, you still keep going! You got this! cuddles are priceless.

bearcountrygg on 08/08/2022:

horn_of_plenty on 08/08/2022:
sending you continued strength to make it thru these hard times and sorry your dad is struggling more.

also sorry to hear your nerve/leg is bothering you. happens to me and is very, very aggrivating!

Donkey on 08/09/2022:
Did you ever hear from dad's doctor?

I 100% totally agree with what others have said above. You keep on going... I don't know how you do it, but it gives me hope to keep trying too.

Maria7 on 08/11/2022:
Hope you are having a good day.

horn_of_plenty on 08/11/2022:
stopping by to say hi! hi happy!

innerpeace on 08/16/2022:
HOpe you are OK - thinking about you!

happy-1 - Sunday Aug 07, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sun 8-7-22 8:45am:

Slept 10.5h. Got enough REM. Such a difference. I knew the minute I woke up because I grabbed my scale to weigh in and took meds right away. I didn't even need to check Garmin. Body Battery came up too. That statin was a nightmare.

Sugar is still too high, but not as bad as previous days. A low carb breakfast and a walk should help.


Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
At least I am down at my current baseline weight today… 243.4

Jacky82020 on 08/07/2022:
Congrats on getting to the baseline weight! Great you had some decent sleep.

Despite my overall good health, I take 40 mg Simvastatin daily. Some bad genetics. Went up from 20 mg a few years back. Get good lab results now & our cheap insurance has no copay.

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
I wonder if it is causing your insomnia?

bearcountrygg on 08/07/2022:
Glad to see that you slept well.....and that your Dad has lost a lot of fluids.......That is a big plus for his heart.

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:

Jacky82020 on 08/08/2022:
Seriously doubt statins are are linked to my insomnia, had it forever, and the statins maybe ten years. I’m trying to convince myself it’s not insomnia at all, I’m simply a person who only requires 4-6 hours of sleep. But those occasional all nighters of no sleep are awful. Take some comfort in knowing the next night will be better.

Are you new to statins? If so, maybe you need some adjustment time.

Donkey on 08/08/2022:
I'm so glad to hear that you got some QUALITY sleep - and a nice QUANTITY too. Yes, doesn't that make all the difference? And how you described waking up, ready to go -- yep, that's a wonderful feeling.

I noticed your number too. :-)

Maria7 on 08/08/2022:
Glad you are doing well. Hope you have a blessed day.

happy-1 - Saturday Aug 06, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

Sat 8/5/22 8:20 pm

Long day, not enough sleep. Tried Task Rabbit for help with admin stuff. Mixed results. I'll see what hppens with more on Monday.

Saw dad. He's lost 40lbs of fluid in 2 weeks.

More stress with Bobcat. Tonight it was because he didn't like the show on Hulu. I tapped out and went to bed.

Sugar too high, but feeling better overall off statin.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/06/2022:
Inch by inch.

Donkey on 08/07/2022:
Those statin drugs are serious stuff.

I hope that your visit with dad went OK. I would think that the loss of fluid would be easier on his heart, if nothing else.


happy-1 on 08/07/2022:
Ty. Hugs.

bearcountrygg on 08/07/2022:
Sounds like you are feeling better...yay!

happy-1 on 08/07/2022:

happy-1 - Friday Aug 05, 2022
(Walk 15 min and do PT daily. Regular meal prep.)
Weight: 243.4

 Fri 8-5-22 9:20am:

Feeling a lot better without the statin in my am meds. Hopefully sleep will correct itself in a couple of days. 

I washed the front but not the back of a dish last night and put it in the drainer. Bobcat saved it to point out to me as soon as I woke up this morning. It really made me feel like crap. I'm not lazy. It's not that I don't care or even take drugs. I'm just not feeling well and I made a mistake. I said look, pointing out mistakes that way really makes me feel bad and it doesn't achieve the goal. I know not to do it. I don't feel well and I need a little help. It's like discovering your cat peed on the carpet and shoving it's nose in it and swatting it on the butt instead of taking it to the vet. I feel like I get jumped on for every little mistake and it doesn't feel good. He says he has a health concern and doesn't want to get food poisoning. I said I get that. I value that, but there's got to be some kind of balance... because all I feel is picked on.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 83.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/05/2022:
Inch by inch.

happy-1 on 08/06/2022:
I did my best today. I do my best every day. Today my best was phone calls, getting voicemail issues submitted as a ticket, picking up dad’s glasses, and coming home instead of going to the hospital. I am just too tired to drive and it’s an hour away.

10:15pm. In bed. Hungry. Sugar still messed up. Restless even though I want to sleep.

Donkey on 08/06/2022:
(((hugs))) All you can do is control your reaction to comments. Much easier said than done - THIS I KNOW 100%. It sounds to me like you're extremely stressed and tired and vulnerable, so - right now - you may be very sensitive to any comments that even have the slightest potential to be interpreted as a criticism.

Does that make sense? So a comment might not be intended as a criticism, but that's how it feels, and I'm guessing it feels significantly amplified.


bearcountrygg on 08/06/2022:
What Donkey said^^^^^^^^ Stress is high there I suspect for everytone......((HUGS))

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