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happy-1 - Monday Nov 05, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 219.1

 I did it. I can’t believe I did it. I cleaned the rugs inthe living room/dining room, hall, and my dad’s office. And I got the rental back on time. And I remembered the receipt for the extra cleaner I bought so I could return it. I did it. OMG I did it. And I am not going to die of exhaustion. And I do not feel a headache coming on. 

I did collapse on a Big Lots couch for about 30 min till I could drive again. OMG.

They have my favorite frozen pizza. I am not buying it. I deserve a reward, but I deserve better than frozen pizza. I deserve bottomless steak. I deserve whiskey. I deserve... A hot boy toy.

Oh look, OOMLG texted me from Houston. I adore him.

Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/05/2018:
That's a good job to get behind you!........Cleaning carpets has never been a favorite of mine.

Donkey on 11/06/2018:

horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2018:
nice job cleaning the rugs..sounds like some extra workout on your part :)

happy-1 - Sunday Nov 04, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 219.1

Went to storage yesterday to find my filing supplies and also whatever old, smaller clothes will fit me... possibly stuff for my friend’s daughter. I was rewarded with lots of size L clothes! even stuff for interviews! Also a sexy pirate halloween costume I had totally forgotten about and is entirely too cougar for me now. Mostly I was thrilled to find sweats I can wear around the house that aren’t going to fall off. I was so inspired this morning I went to yoga at 9AM and then because I need to stay up for 24h anyway to reset my body clock, I rented a rug doctor. I will either wear myself out and go to bed on time or clean up this awful hoarder parent / my dog peed the carpet while I was a zombie from a neck injury once and for all. I’m also getting the couch away from the window (finally) for earthquake safety. Stupid proud of myself right now.

Also... I found enough furniture sliders at the 99 cent store that I can leave them under the furniture permanently so I can just slide stuff around to vacum.

Dog is exiled to the patio for today. It will be siapers for her from now on. Not sure how that will go.

Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/05/2018:
Just like Christmas!!!!!

graindart on 11/05/2018:
After reading your entry today, I saw your progress stats. My first thought was to comment here about how close you are to the 100 lb lost mark, only being 2.1 lbs away. In my mind, I was thinking that being that close should be motivation to get serious and drop that next 2.1 lbs quickly to reach that milestone. After that initial thought popped into my head, I realized that I was in the almost same exact spot, only 2.7 lbs away from the 100 lb lost mark. And I really don't feel any extra motivation because of it. I wish I did, but I don't.

Funny how blind we can be at times to our own situation, but think we clearly see what someone else needs to do.

Hope the yoga works out good for you today.

happy-1 on 11/05/2018:
I can’t think about that. If I think about that I will make myself crazy. All I can think about is hitting 218. 1 lb at a time. 100x. Well, 160x... but... I can do that. Every minute of every day is a chance to turn it all around.

horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
sounding very organized, happy!

lately i vaccuum more but still need to wash my bathroom....! badly!

legcramps on 11/05/2018:
Nice! Just like BearCountry said, Christmas!

happy-1 - Sunday Nov 04, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 219.1

 Can’t sleep... 2:30 am. BUT it isn’t 3:30am... and that’s a start. 9 am yoga class. I can do this.

Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/04/2018:
Posture works well for neck problems...I have to keep reminding myself to not hang my head...….good luck at yoga!

happy-1 on 11/04/2018:
Super tempted to buy a couple of posture monitors but they are like $120 each.

Donkey on 11/04/2018:
I hate it when I can't sleep. I hope you were able to drift off eventually, and that you have a good day today, whatever it may bring.

horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
i had a "can't sleep" night also, but i just had a banana bc bananas help with sleep (as do some carbs) and sleep came upon me soon after again!

happy-1 - Saturday Nov 03, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 219.1

Feeling tons better today. No headaches, pain, food poisoning, or anything. Slept a looooong time though and didn’t wake up till 10. Putting my brain together like a jigsaw puzzle. Waking up late always makes me kind of jumbled and disoriented. Glad I have DD for thinking out loud... and reading posts from others to “catch energy”.

Did not make it to yoga this morning. Slept straight through.

Can’t tell if this is my lizard brain trying to dictate what I should do... Debating canceling my PT session for Tuesday. I am dreading a three day headache after because I am really behind. I have been back on my feet for a month and between a head cold, post-pt 3 day headaches, food poisoning, and my birthday I have gotten absolutely NOTHING done. I also want to cancel the GP appointment and rebook for next week. I should just suck it up and go to both. I can fill the muscle relaxer prescription today and take that as soon as I get home on Tuesday. I should just suck it up and go to the GP appointment and do the labs my insurance gives me free 1x a year so I can tackle anything that is blocking me from being job ready, and have a full set of labs before I see a neurologist to rule out migraines. I am scared of finding out something like I am diabetic or have some weird parasite eating my spine or something. It is irrational but it’s there and makes me want to stay home and go to yoga instead.

Glad I have DD to put it out there and then come back and reread my insanity later, possibly with feedback from objective 3rd parties.


Pulled two bags of clothes out of my “current” stuff in my closet. I feel like I have nothing to wear and that usually means I have too much clutter. 

Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/03/2018:
I sure didn't want one...I had already had 2 saddle blocks for childbirth and about 20 years ago a dr told me a vertabre was crumbling...and as it turns out...it is at the exact spot that they had done the saddle blocks...I have a neck brace but haven't used it in years....those too can cause weak neck muscles...but you need to do what you think is best for you......

horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
idk why but long sleep has me feeling so happy, i just feel so strange that so many others don't do htis!?

i had trouble staying asleep last night because i was sleeping so well on the weekend, but then i woke up around 2am, had a banana, relaxed and eventually just went back to sleep anyways!

same here, i have tons of clothes - just need to find them! def clutter on my end too!

happy-1 - Friday Nov 02, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 219.1

219.1 and down a pound... courtesy of food poisoning. Day 3 of anti-inflamatory diet and yoga. Have been out of yoga for 3 days. Feeling a lot better though. Trying a close class tomorrow.


Got up and out today. Did errands and veggie run. Also stopped off at Ross and scored the perfect yoga coverup for $15. I am really happy about this because it isn't too hot, is nice and loose, and looks right over a black tank and leggings. Plus it is a nice bright/reflective color for a night walk with my dog. It will also be great for camping or the beach. I would probably like a different color better, but that would be $60.

Speedo Women's Coverup Hoodie Dress, Very Fuchsia, Medium

This really picked me up because I was having a hard day and feeling kind of down. It was definitely a self hug. I miss talking to OOMLG.

Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/02/2018:
Awww...Feel better.

happy-1 on 11/02/2018:
TY! You are so encouraging!

pinklatte on 11/03/2018:
Hope you're feeling better.

Hot pink and black are a great color combo.

happy-1 on 11/03/2018:
I’m starting to migrate over to that unintentionally. I bought a ton of tall size yoga stuff in black at Old Navy... Then a hot pink athletic long sleeve top... a hot pink columbia sports bra that is God’s gift to women every time I put it on... A hot pink running shirt... But I have bright primary blue sneakers... in women’s size 13 because I have Norwegian feet (good for packing snow for huskies? good bride price?) So I feel cute and then my enormous bright blue feet make me feel self-conscious

Donkey on 11/03/2018:
Love the pink coverup!

Apparently, yoga is quite dangerous. Did you hear about that shooting at a yoga studio in Tallahassee? WTH?

I have friends who warn me about getting the flu or that I should throw away perfectly good lettuce because it *might* be contaminated. Why would I ever do that? An opportunity to drop 10 pounds and miss a week of work is how I look at it. I'll take my chances: Flu, food poisoning, whatever.

happy-1 on 11/03/2018:
Yeah... The yoga shooting is extra scary because there’s no apparent reason the guy picked that as a target. It’s extra random and crazy.

The coverup is awesome. This is my third attempt at a coverup. The oversized blue shirt from H and M is good for summer but wrinkles in my bag. The grey and black Fabletics Wrap skirt is good but makes me feel awkward about my tummy. This is perfect weight, no wrinkles, plenty of coverage, and good for all sports. It is a flattering color even if it wasn’t one I would normally pick.

No thanks on the food poisoning. You can wash suspicious veggies with that wash from Trader Joes or vinegar. Dry them with a salad spinner. Why are there no salad spinner machines?

I have no idea why my coleslaw with yogurt dressing I made went bad overnight in the fridge.

bearcountrygg on 11/03/2018:

happy-1 on 11/03/2018:
Yoga is dangerous and food poisoning is a vacation??? I think I’d rather take a vacation.

horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:

happy-1 - Thursday Nov 01, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

224.1... Back to where I was in May except I was able to run around in a bikini without any tummy overhang in the jacuzzi for my birthday! Loved the photos. That's a milestone. To like what I look like in photos.

Hopefully the 4.1lbs will go away just as fast as it arrived (and take a pound or two with it). I am also eating too much and not moving because I have a headache (not like "ooh I don't feel quite right"... like "I was hit in the neck with a cricket bat, then had a bag shoved over my head and twisted till my brain compresses in on itself".) I have to get up and out no matter what I feel like at the moment. It is all about consistency.

Day 3 of current headache. Thinking about changing PTs. I'll give it one more shot on Tuesday. I can't be out of commission for 3 days right now. GP is going to call in a muscle relaxer. She also offered me migraine stuff... but I don't think it's migraines. There's no sound or light sensitivity beyond that I already don't like sound and light. She recommended adding 400mg of riboflavin and another 400mg of magnesium. I'm going to add the Osteo-Biflex for the glucosamine choidrotan (and the alluring 7-day promise of effectivness).

I have my annual physical scheduled for Tuesday and I am super nervous about it. What if I have a bunch of physical problems and I could correct them with more diet and exercise but I get put on some meds and that never happens? It's this weird fear of being "caught and tracked"... that makes absolutely no logical sense whatsoever.. but there it is. Sitting in my lizard brain at the bottom of my skull, all coiled up and making emotional decisions that have nothing whatsoever to do with reality.

It's not feeling well + lizard brain thinking + detoxing from eating off plan + not setting clear goals that impacted my productivity this week. Might try to use the free PDF download from Panda Planner to put myself in order for the week. 

I sent my bikini photo to UDG, so he is all happy to talk to me again. I said if he really wants to help me, keep me udated with current events... I am ashamed to say I haven't read the news for 2 years and I am playing catch up to the rest of the world.


Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/01/2018:
Hope you had a happy birthday.......birthdays usually put pounds on...the one good thing is any weight that goes on fast can go off fast....hope your headache improves tonight.

happy-1 on 11/03/2018:
You are right! Came off fast lol! Catching up on posts and comments this morning! Love your food pics.

horn_of_plenty on 11/02/2018:
Congrats on getting down to a HAPPY WEIGHT, Ms. HAPPY!

I hope this headache leaves you soon!

I wanna see your bikini photo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy-1 on 11/02/2018:
I will post it as soon as I figure out why my phone is freaking out.

Donkey on 11/02/2018:
Happy birthday!!!

I take glucosamine choidrotan (whatever) too, to help me with my back -- as a preventative measure. I have to say, since doing this, I don't have nearly as much hip and knee pain either!

PS I found that it takes more like 4-6 weeks for noticeable improvement, but then again, I buy CVS generic. Just sayin', so that if you don't see instant relief or improvement, that you don't necessarily give up. I still think glucosamine is a very good thing.

happy-1 on 11/03/2018:
Good to know and will do. I make up vitamin pill packs for like 3 mos at a time... so I get to open each one up and shove in the new ones... sigh. But it’s automatic consistency.

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 31, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Gained 5 lbs in one weekend celebrating my birthday. Picking up the pieces the last 2 days. overnight is too long to be away from my healthy habits... but I had fun. Molly knocked cooking out of the park. There are no restaurants as good as her kitchen. It was also nice to just hang out and have some company. Aw, good friends!

Screwed up my shoulder in yoga, and now one of the studios I was going to on Classpass isn’t fun anymore. My shoulder will heal, mostly I did not enjoy being stared at by the instructor or the receptionist while putting on my shoes (painfully) then having a long drive home to my foam roller... or getting charged an extra $20 because they said I could switch classes but classpass doesn’t work that way.

Starting my streak over due to modifications from PT to do an anti-inflammatory diet. So far it just sounds like more fish and no pasta/bread except once a week.

Setting my Bearcountry timer for 30 minutes and taking a break while I wait for Alleve to kick in, then I am getting up and out there, owning it.

Yoga for me tonight. Happy Halloween to everyone else!


Update: Sucked it up and asked for a headache prescription because this one is not as bad as the last one but if each time I go to PT I get a 2-3 day headache I'm going to lose my mind.


Didn’t make it to yoga tonight. Headache was bad enough I couldn’t drive... and thought about having my mom take me to the emergency room..

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

graindart on 10/31/2018:
My birthday was my last slip-up too. Back on track....

happy-1 on 10/31/2018:
Ha ha... Happy birthday! Here's 5lbs...

legcramps on 10/31/2018:
I'm sorry you're not having fun at one of the yoga studios you go to. Good thing there are others around and you don't have to keep going to a place where you are made to feel uncomfortable! Have an awesome yoga session today!

happy-1 on 10/31/2018:
TY! I don't think it is unreasonable for a yoga studio to have a basket of tennis balls and a foam roller somewhere.

Donkey on 11/01/2018:
Setting a Bearcountry timer is a good idea -- I should have done that several times yesterday at work.

happy-1 on 11/01/2018:
I got a bunch of them at the dollar store. Took some nail polish remover and took off the paint, so now I can use a dry erase marker for the task I need to do and what it is counting down... Avoids the "Is that the timer for the chicken or paying bills that just went off" puzzle.

BearCountryGG on 11/01/2018:
Happy Belated Birthday!!!

horn_of_plenty on 11/01/2018:
so i guess your bday was a tasty one, 5 lbs later :)

i agree if you don't like a studio / teachers / environment, it's best to find you you do like!

happy-1 - Thursday Oct 25, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Streak day 5. Doing my best. PT was not what I expected. He basically rubbed a few spots on my back and then had me do some exercises on a foam roller. I got the distinct feeling that my injury is not exciting enough for him??? Maybe I’m just another fat chick? Or he doesn’t really think he can do anything for me? I dunno. Will do my best in the very perverse way that I absolutely do my best in front of someone I don’t jive well with so they can’t say anything bad about me. I also have a MASSIVE headache. Ugh. All I can think about is how badly I want to go to yoga.

Made parents dinner tonight. Greek chicken with babaghanoush, brown rice, veggies. A lot of dishes... Why do I seem to use so many dishes when I cook?

Also, meal prepped a bunch of oatmeal packets. Starting everyday

At least I can say I ate healthy, accomplished... something. A little hazy right now.

A little sad/bummed tonight and can’t shake it. Best thing to do is to go to bed and then get up early tomorrow. Try again and just keep trying.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/26/2018:
I agree that the best way to handle a sadness is to go to bed and start anew the next day. I hope you have a better day today.

horn_of_plenty on 10/26/2018:
Was this the first PT session.? he doesn't sound like he'll help you if that's how it went on the first round.

yummy babaghanoush ! i'm soooo jealous!

Sorry you are sad, but really nice job cooking a good meal!

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 24, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

220.9 today. Even though I am not moving much, the scale isn’t either. I don’t think my eating has been particularly controlled so it must be all the whole food nutritional changes keeping me steady. I don’t know how many days I am into my current graindart streak, (4?) but whatever it is, I am holding strong, my cough is almost gone, and I am headed to Yoga tonight. I am so desperate and eager to go, I want to drive over there right now and just wait in the parking lot for class to start... but it is only 11AM and class isn’t till 6PM and that probably isn’t the most productive use of my time today, lol. Plus eventually there would be a weird conversation about why I was in the parking lot so early with someone.

Went to PT yesterday. He says that I heal faster than most people and can expect to see a lot of progress very quickly. He did these tests where he manipulated my neck and spine and then tested my hand and says a little spacing yields big results so I not only heal fast I’m not that far gone. He wants me to see a neurologist to rule out migraines. Apparently if you have compressed nerves you can have migraines but not feel them???? Anyway this guy is a super buff and GQ Asian “dude”. I am sure he surfs, drives a rice burner, posts food and “look how cute my girlfriend is” pics to Instagram, has a million friends he goes on group trips with... the type of guy in real life I would try to avoid like the plague but in this case I am super grateful I got in the luck of the draw... because these guys are usually super focused and problem solvers... and now I am his problem to solve. Yes!

Listened to “The 4 Agreements” by Don Ruiz yesterday on Audible. Kind of mind-blowing. I have to think about it for a while before I post about it.

Molly is being amazing to me and having me over for my birthday. Love her.

Also discovered my dog loves blueberry bagels with cream cheese on a deeply spiritual level. This is now a diet staple for her... easy and she eats it immediately. I also might get her some blueberry cbd treats.

My birthday is really her birthday too.


Late night update... As quickly as he entered my life OOMLG has disappeared. I think he made new friends and doesn’t need me anymore. No texts or calls tonight or last night. I am sad to see him go, but it wasn’t going to be a long term friendship. I also do not need the reminders of all the things I didn’t do in my life that would have made me a good catch for him.

Can’t undo what has already happened but I can still use every minute to turn things around today. I can honestly say I did my best today though, and as it says in the 4 agreements... if you do your best you cannot have any regrets. Some days your best will be better than others, but it will always be your best that day. Today I was productive even though I had a splitting headache and I ate healthy. I made it to yoga. I made it to church to see my friend off on her trip. I did one nice thing for my dad, my mom, and my dog each.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/24/2018:
Loved the book!

happy-1 on 10/25/2018:
I think you recommended it.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2018:
yayyyyy The 4 Agreements :) ...that's the book i was talking about!...but, why does the author have a different name? or perhaps i forgot who the author was. good book overall.

good job overcoming your cold....they are such a nuissance but very important to get rid of so it doesn't turn into something worse!

I actually forgot the 4 agreements, but when you said one of them is to "Do your best"...doesn't it feel good, to say you did...now i'm remembering them....be sincere...

happy-1 on 10/26/2018:
It’s be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best.

BearCountryGG on 10/25/2018:
Hap just left out his middle name.

horn_of_plenty on 10/26/2018:
ohhhhhh. ty BCGG.

and ty Happy for reminding me of the 4.

happy-1 - Monday Oct 22, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

221.4... also took resting blood pressure this am... 93/73. That’s way in the green zone! Pretty amazing since at my highest weight I was just on the border of the red zone... every minute is a chance to turn it all around and I must be doing more hard work than I have been giving myself credit for.

Feeling very inspired. Have been looking longingly at clothes on H and M because I really need a pair of tall size jeans... My body changed as I have been getting fit and I know that every pair of jeans in storage is going to fit with the crotch in the wrong spot and too short... they all just used to ride lower because I had a lot of lower abdominal fat... but not now that I do yoga every day! But before I buy anything other than smaller yoga pants, I am going to storage unit dive. It will be fun to see how far I have come. (Also depressing to see how much I spent on fat clothes.)

Also, booked another haircut for Nov 2 (when I stop coughing). I can finally get something done about the funky things he did to my bangs because he combed my hair wrong and I was too spacey to catch it. Have been running around with it for like 3 months because I don’t feel like driving 35 minutes to get it fixed and an hour plus back in traffic. Fundamentals of self care.

Today I need to get to the DMV as my highest priority... so off I go to shower and hair and go stand in line.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

legcramps on 10/22/2018:
Wow, great job on resting blood pressure - awesome reading! Have a good day today :)

BearCountryGG on 10/22/2018:
Great BP. I love to go through old clothes too....I always find something that I'm still willing to wear.

happy-1 on 10/24/2018:
Right? I’m hoping for a sweatshirt... maybe a hoodie. I could swear I hung onto some.

Donkey on 10/22/2018:
You're doing great! I'm glad you post these things, because it shows me how I should be making myself a priority as well, which is not easy for me to do. Thank you!

happy-1 on 10/24/2018:
Yeah, I have problems with that too... So when I do it, I post about it because I consider it an achievement.

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