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happy-1 - Monday Oct 25, 2021
Weight: 241.0

Monday 10-25-21:

Therapist said something useful today... Not that therapy is useless, but only like 1 in 5 sessions yield anything truly helpful. I thought I would post it here.

I've been sleeping better and doing better in general this past week off the allogliptin and only 1 glipizide here and there... plus I started Glycine last week and initially I got a ton of deep sleep and now REM sleep is starting to recover. The biggest difference on the Glycine is that if I wake up to pee, I can get back to sleep. This morning I woke up feeling well enough to go for a run and maybe manage my meals/calories more closely... the last time I felt that way was 9/6/21. But weirdly, I have zero motivation and I am just emotionally depleted... nothing in me to go out and enjoy the day. 

She hit the nail on the head with why... I'm almost at the top of the hill again and that last push to get up on top takes more more energy, focus, and discipline. It stands to reason that I'm feeling worn out even though I am feeling "better" I feel worn out. 

In theory, if I go back in my data and analyze it... this is what I would see... If that's true. I'm not sure what in my tracking would show this picture though... 

In any case, I'm setting up Garmin Coach to give me a run/walk 6 days a week. It's more important to get the run in than analyze how I got here.

Progress as of today: 76 lbs lost so far, only 81 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/25/2021:
You’re moving in the right direction. Keep climbing that hill and you’ll get to the top.

Ask that therapist if it ok to pay for one out of five.

happy-1 on 11/02/2021:
HA!!! It's an all-you-can-whine monthly rate.

Donkey on 10/26/2021:
Ha ha ha - Jacky has great comments! But in all truth, I feel that 1 out of 5 is about right. Not everything in therapy is going to work. Or at least that has been my experience. Not everything recommended or practiced worked for me, but at least it was offered and explored.

I like how you said "It's more important to get the run in than analyze how I got here". Could this be a turning point?

happy-1 on 11/02/2021:
I'm so hung up on the pulmonologist... I t almost feels like "why bother" till I get a CPAP.

happy-1 - Thursday Oct 21, 2021
Weight: 241.0

 Tuesday 10/20/21... Got enough REM sleep yesterday to actually feel good. If I felt like that everyday, I could go back to work. Dropped 4 lbs again. Inch by inch.

Progress as of today: 76 lbs lost so far, only 81 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 10/21/2021:
Almost forgot… I fell into my PM routine today out of sheer exhaustion. I’m in bed on time.

Jacky82020 on 10/22/2021:
Sounds like you’re on the right track! Step by step.

bearcountrygg on 10/22/2021:
Well...then...sheer exhaustion is the thing that makes you sleepy...do that....love those breakthroughs.

Donkey on 10/22/2021:
I'm so glad to hear that you got some good sleep!!! What a wonderful feeling that is!!!

PlayingQuietly on 10/22/2021:
sleep is the miracle cure ~ a good night's sleep and I feel like the world is my oyster

Maria7 on 10/23/2021:
Congrats to you!

happy-1 - Sunday Oct 17, 2021
Weight: 245.0

Sunday 10/17/21

How am I back up to 245???? Augh.

At least the cat is supportive. I fell asleep with her nestled to my side and with my hand resting on her, and not only was she still there when I woke up, I still had my hand, unscratched and unbitten.

Starting my day with enough sleep and back on schedule, sort of. Slept 13:36 and woke up at 7:30 am. Missed window for yoga and cardio.

Have to go through my reset checklist for the week. Haven't done that in a little bit, it's going to tak 3x as long.

Progress as of today: 72 lbs lost so far, only 85 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 10/17/2021:
Also, I bought a ranger pace bead bracelet to track my water intake. I feel vaguely dumb for this as I have everything to make one myself, but I'm so worn out, I need to drink water to not be worn out, and without drinking water I won't assemble everything to do it... so I bought one.

happy-1 on 10/17/2021:
And If I had enough sleep, why can't I get my head together to focus on everything I need to do today???

Horn_of_plenty on 10/17/2021:
you can reset and it doesn't matter how many times you have to start again. :) don't give up xoxoxo. pets are the BEST.

happy-1 on 10/21/2021:

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
The ranger pace beads are a great idea for tracking water! I had never heard of these, but thanks to YouTube, I see how it works. Much easier than using Fitbit and trying to remember what I drank, sometimes losing count. Much better to immediately move over a bead - and a lot more satisfying. Must be the visual-tangible aspect of it.

I often don't feel my best when I get a lot of sleep. I'm not sure why.

happy-1 on 10/21/2021:
The ones I bought were a bracelet… I can look and just see how much more I need to drink. Write it in my journal. The y look like something a guy would wear, but it’s a starting point.

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
PS I'm glad you posted. Gain or loss, just glad to hear from you. :-)

happy-1 on 10/21/2021:
I need to post and comment more. I feel so much better when I do.

Jacky82020 on 10/17/2021:
Those beads sound like a great way to track hydration. I’ve been keeping a glass of ice water on the sink & forgetting it’s there.

bearcountrygg on 10/17/2021:
The cat has sure come to be a snuggler and happy with you....It's nice to hear that she is feeling at home.

Brett on 10/18/2021:
Cats are amazing. My ex took ours. Better that way, I have to work long hours and she has more time.

happy-1 on 10/25/2021:
You should get a tom cat so you can be dudes together.

PlayingQuietly on 10/18/2021:
up or down trudge onward happy destiny

Maria7 on 10/19/2021:
What a sweet cat! Hope you are having a good day today.

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 13, 2021
Weight: 234.0

 Tues 10-12-21

Almost forgot to mention... I picked a 5k. Daily motivation chart.


Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/13/2021:

happy-1 on 10/17/2021:

Jacky82020 on 10/13/2021:
I like the motto! It’s a good one!

happy-1 on 10/17/2021:
Thanks! Everyone needs a good motto to give themselves a kick in the pants.

happy-1 on 10/17/2021:
Thanks! Everyone needs a good motto to give themselves a kick in the pants.

Donkey on 10/13/2021:
Wonderful! Good for you!!!

happy-1 on 10/17/2021:

Maria7 on 10/13/2021:
Good to have a daily motivation chart to go by. Hope you have a blessed day!

PlayingQuietly on 10/13/2021:
wishing you good training sessions for 5k

Maria7 on 10/15/2021:
Hope you are having a good day.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/16/2021:
cramps cause me insomnia. must always take pain relievers during that time of month!

when is the 5k? is it virtual or in person on a specific date and specified place? that is exciting and awesome. maybe when my commute is shorter, i will once again try jogging. now is just not the right time. that is really cool you are doing it! oh, is it jogging or a walkk? or both?

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 13, 2021
Weight: 234.0

Tuesday 10-12-21:

Didn't do much today. Had cramps so I spent the upright portion finding a space heater/slippers, laundry, feeding dad, and tidying my bedroom. Not valuable but necessary.

Insomnia second night in a row. I was in bed by 9 but it's almost midnight and sleep is not happening.

A walk tomorrow will help.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/13/2021:
You stayed busy....that is far better than sitting in a chair...so productive .

Donkey on 10/13/2021:
Ugh, cramps... Bear is spot on with her comment.

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 12, 2021
Weight: 234.0

 Monday 10-11-21:

Slept 11 hours. Got enough REM. Today I experimented with not taking meds to see what happens with my REM sleep. It's the last combination to try. So far, I have insomnia. 

Dad threw another mantrum. The sale at Ralphs on Stouffers is over tomorrow. He wanted me to take him. Literally he just got a call from the heart clinic that his levels are better and he thinks that means bring on the Stouffers. No. It means keep doing what you are doing. I could scream. Instead, I ran off to my room and did a little work.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/12/2021:
Yes...keep doing what you are doing.

happy-1 on 10/13/2021:
Hugs. Ty.

Jacky82020 on 10/12/2021:
I often switch the timing on my meds with good results. Can’t skip or I may wind up in the ER. Hate it & always get stuck with big copays.

Too bad your dad won’t eat Healthy Choice frozen meals. I use the Cafe Steamers regularly. Stouffers has too much fat, salt & calories.

happy-1 on 10/13/2021:
That sucks. I’m sorry.

It’s just a couple of days. As long as I monitor, I’ll be ok.

happy-1 on 10/13/2021:
He does Lean Cuisine… he just also wants Stouffers. If they didn’t take up all the freezer space I would cook more. I’m cooking this week since it’s quiet and I didn’t buy him frozen dinners.

Donkey on 10/12/2021:
I am only too familiar with your Dad's mentality of "now that the numbers are OK, I can really eat!" I've been there myself (weight loss sophomore year of high school) and I've seen it, repeatedly, with Husband.

happy-1 on 10/13/2021:
It is mind boggling.

horn_of_plenty on 10/12/2021:
i would be pretty frustrated if i had a dad to care for and was met with tantrums. try not to go back and forth with him, if he's in a mood maybe try to leave him alone? hard. not sure it would work...

next, i love to sleep a long time on weekends like you did. my weekends are easily like 11 hours! then no sleep during weekdays...lol

PlayingQuietly on 10/12/2021:
exasperating! I wish the doctor would tell him by phone eating fewer Stouffers is the reason for the better numbers~ maybe then dear Dad will believe you.

happy-1 on 10/13/2021:
Even if they did he would forget. He has selective memory. He forgets anything that doesn’t match his worldview or expectations.

happy-1 - Sunday Oct 10, 2021
Weight: 234.0

 Sunday 10/10/21 :

Flaked on a date with the Exish because I just didn't have it to face a mantrum. It's a 3 in 4 probability... so why bother?

Instead I walked to the store, made dad his favorite casserole, and ate too many simple carbs. I feel disgusting but I am in bed early... 7:45pm

inch by inch

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/11/2021:
I’d have to say why bother with exhish too.

Easy overdo it on the carbs & everything else. Reading much about how Americans consume too much protein

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
You have 2 men in your life that have mantrums often, it seems. Interesting.

At least you got to bed early - that's a huge win :-)

bearcountrygg on 10/11/2021:
I wouldn't go out with the exish either...why bother if he is a pain? I think I would thank my lucky stars that I wasn't legally tied to him....who needs more of that in their life. I don't think you flaked on a date...you escaped from a miserable date.....you don't have to settle for that kind of treatment.....There are good men out there....and you deserve one of them.....They aren't always easy to find because often they are quieter and shy.....but they are out there......

PlayingQuietly on 10/11/2021:
"Mantrum" good one! funny

happy-1 on 10/12/2021:
Taylor Swift has a way with words.

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 09, 2021
Weight: 234.0

Sat 10/9/21

Super PMS. Pizza face to boot. Spent the day at home. Splurged a little and bought some acne patches and body spray at Target... Happy Camper. I'm in love. It's the perfect feel good antidote to dad's anger at yet again not taking him to the grocery store... but he makes irresponsible food choices and his favorites are on sale. Each one is a day's worth of sodium. No. No. No. No. Every time he gets sick I lose 3 weeks. I'm about to go to the pulminologist and I found an affordable naturopath. I can't get stuck with another congestive heart failure flare up. He wanted approximately 20 meals. In one week that's suicide by Stouffers. I bought 1 of each. When I got home and was putting groceries away tonight, he told me I am a bully, a control freak and an elder abuser. Fine, but I'll be all of those things and doing cardio in the morning so I can close in on getting healthy and back to work.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/10/2021:
You care about your Dad's health.......One thing is for sure.....if your Dad can't get up...go out and get his own groceries by himself......and he is at your mercy...then he is the bully...he should be thankful that he has you to take care of him...you made a good compromise...you got him one of each but not enough to feed him for a week.....I totally agree.....good way to handle that situation....Way to go Happy!!!

Jacky82020 on 10/10/2021:
What Bear says, 110%

Is there are positive side? Such as free room & board & possibly an allowance? Does this allow you to pursue your online business interests? I recall you discussing entrepreneurial goals. If so, try to regard your dad as a job, which he certainly is, one way or another. But always best to focus on the positive.

Donkey on 10/10/2021:
What Bear & Jacky said x 100. "Suicide by Stouffers" --- well put.

I'm sure it's damn frustrating when you take these steps that he *should* appreciate but instead turns them around into hurtful insults.

I remember a time when the kids were little and Husband was a real donkey. I'm not sure if it was the kids or the Husband that called me some name (might have been "impossible", "uncompromising", "mean mom" -- something like that), and my retort was, "GOOD. That means I'm doing my JOB." And I never regretted saying that and standing my ground.

Maria7 on 10/10/2021:
He is the child, you are the Mommy. It's just that way now. You are a GOOD Mommy!

PlayingQuietly on 10/10/2021:
I'm so sorry you are put in the position to be the "Enforcer" especially to a parent. Hang in there kid~ You'll never regret keeping the kitchen stock as safe as possible despite your dad's salty appetite~ meanwhile you deserve a little pampering for your good deeds.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/10/2021:
Hi happy! I still get the pizza face during most months due to PMS. my face / complexion totally changes and becomes greasier up to a week before my TOM.

yeah, i am sure your dad isn't always in a good frame of mind when he calls you those names. def do not ttake it to heart. he needs you totally. glad you are going to get your cardio on tomorrow AM.

happy-1 - Thursday Sep 30, 2021
Weight: 234.0

Thursday 9/30/21...

Lifeboard came yesterday. No excuses, right? Last night I was really run down and tired. I only got yoga and breakfast halfway setup. This morning I was up on time but ust couldn't get through all the things I needed to do to actually get onto the mat. I just kept crawling back into bed. I feel sick and achey. Coffee and Concerta are not getting me moving. Glad I have a gp appt already scheduled.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/30/2021:
What did you say that was? A yoga board?

happy-1 on 10/09/2021:
Yes. It is amazing. Turns your carpeted floor into a close enough version of a studio floor and light enough for me to move it without further injury.

horn_of_plenty on 09/30/2021:
i hope you feel better soon. lately, i'm really sleepy too. i need to realize i need more sleep during the week than i'm getting. i will need to revise my bedtime i think...

sleep will help. i mostly sleep instead of workout when i'm overtired. i may need to do that tonight, but we'll see.

happy-1 on 10/09/2021:
Sleep is delightful. You get to not experience anything bad for a few hours.

Donkey on 10/01/2021:
Oh no, I hope you are not getting sick!!! (((hugs)))

Donkey on 10/01/2021:
Oh no, I hope you are not getting sick!!! (((hugs)))

Donkey on 10/07/2021:
Thinking of you today - I hope you're OK!

happy-1 on 10/09/2021:
Better now! I took a break from my Concerta to see if that was what was wrong with my REM sleep (it wasn't). But I pretty much derailed myself for a week.

happy-1 - Tuesday Sep 28, 2021
Weight: 234.0

Tuesday Sept 28, 2021... 2nd post... 

I passed that stupid stone for sure about 2pm because man all of a sudden I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I even made Dad a nice dinner at 5... salmon, squash and spinach. 8pm I'm feeling well enough to clear space to setup yoga for tomorrow... I haven't worked out in almost a week. Dad calls me... he is sick to his stomach and mad at me for making food... I'm a jerk for cooking. I dunno what to do to help him... he's impossible and cranky. If I try to get him on a schedule to smooth out all these issues he fights me the whole way and I fall apart. 

I can't win.

Thanks for letting me dump it out here... One thing is certain... if I don't setup yoga for tomorrow, I'll feel even more like I can't win tomorrow.

Progress as of today: 83 lbs lost so far, only 74 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/28/2021:
And I almost forgot... I asked the Ex-ish to take the 5 love languages quiz and he actually bought the book and is reading it... AAAAAAAAAAW. Sweetheart under all that crusty, impossible, ornery crankiness.

happy-1 on 09/28/2021:
9pm. In bed. One habit back in the can. I had the cat in my armpit for a shameless exhibition of love and cuddles…. But realized I forgot my melatonin and got up to get it. Cat gone. No love and cuddles for me.

Jacky82020 on 09/29/2021:
Ohh. Great you passed the stone! Hope it wasn’t too painful, you poor kid.

happy-1 on 09/30/2021:
It wasn’t bad… hopefully I actually passed it.

horn_of_plenty on 09/29/2021:
what was it like passing, does it come quickly out or painful for the whole part...explain!

dinner sounds wonderful!

dad will always complain. it's ok. don't take him personally.

Donkey on 09/29/2021:
I'm so sorry that dad is difficult & impossible. At least you know it's a "no win" and not directly related to anything you can do or not do.

innerpeace on 09/29/2021:
You, my dear, make my life seem easy! You got this! AND you DO NOT suck! I continually wonder how you keep it all together! I hope you feel better and things get easier for you, maybe your dad will come around...on day!

bearcountrygg on 09/29/2021:
I'm glad to hear that you likely passed that stone........And Dad is going to be Dad.....Don't forget to take care of you too......

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