Hurt my neck and flaked on a date with an ex. OW.

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B: greek yogurt, granola, blueberries

L: leftover pork, sweet potato

D: chicken noodle soup

S: 2 mini pizzas with extra cheese and pepperonis

S: 2 packs of trail mix with extra dark chocolate chips.

236.2. Still driving back down past lowest weight.

Woke up at 7! Yay! Had to set two alarms but good to be up and moving on time. Mostly massaged my ancient dog till my meds kicked in... she ignored me, even though I tickled all her spots, chewed on her, and gave her zerberts. Total passive resistance. She doesn't bother getting out of bed till noon.

Plan for the day is to make breakfast, pick up patio, go to Starbucks, finish the second page of Pete 's site, grab my pup and head up to workout, then go to costco on the way home.

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We are out of half and half... a crisis. How am I supposed to be a normal human today?

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Ugh. My hormone-induced emotional state threw my parents off and now they are in terrible moods.

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Sat out on the porch till I felt better then came in and made food and cleaned out the fridge. MADE THE MOST AMAZING SOUP... OMG. Sometimes I just really nail it. Not paleo but wanted to use up some dry ravioli pasta I had laying around. Maybe $5 for the giant pot. I can't stop eating it. It's actually a problem. I stop, then 30 min later I want more. 

Ingredients:

1 tube of pork breakfast sausage, browned in your pot and broken to crumbles.

Onion, celery, carrot, garlic, diced and sauteed in the pork fat with the crumbles.

Italian seasoning, black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, turmeric

Chicken base, water. Bring it to a rolling boil.

1/2 a bag of dried ravioli pasta, boiled for 5-7 minutes. Check that it is on the raw side of al dente and the broth doesn't need more salt (breakfast sausage is already high sodium), then turn off the heat, let it sit for 5 min and it will continue to cook in the heat.

Pour in 1-2 cups of mashed potato flakes. Any thickening starch will do to bind the fat. It will still be a little fatty.

Add 1 giant bag of fresh spinach, then cover, let it wilt in the heat. This should absorb any remaining fat, or if it still feels fatty it won't be greasy. It will be delicious.

Give dog treats, because the onion means no sharing with your pup.

I swear this will BLOW YOUR MIND.

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Bootcamp workout tonight. Kind of tired and just want to go to the 99cent store and work on Pete's pages, but I should go anyway. I reupped for his fitness challenge even though I am starting late.

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B: 3 eggs, spinach, mozzarella, tomato sauce, 3 sausage links

S: 2 cheese sticks, sweet potato crackers

L: Clean out the fridge meal - Homemade falaffel with hummus and coleslaw salad (OMG. I'm a genius)

S: 2 bowls of sausage tortellini soup

S: 1 bowl of sausage tortellini soup, because I put it away when it cooled and 1 bowl was going to be so lonely.  (OMG. I'm a fat genius)

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Dog had: Gummi vitamins, chicken jerky, a forgotten package of deli turkey that was of questionable origin but she raised no objection to.

Information product campaign... a 30 day challenge for doing all the little crap that you need to do to deal with PMS.

Splashed across the homepage would be Sigorney Weaver vs. Predator. Possibly feeding it dark chocolate and coffee. With like some ribs to gnaw on.

Another workout last night in the bag. Dog is nowhere to be seen which is good because it means I get brain-time to myself instead of an underfoot "velcro dog". Might need to find a third dog-friendly park workout for saturdays. The weekend workouts for Pete's group aren't dog-friendly.

Weight: 238.something. Pete said last night I'm slimming down (ignore how weird it is that your ex boss checked out your ass and said it's getting skinnier... and remember that's what people pay him for now and he's on the before/after photo rampage now that I'm overhauling his site). That fitbit scale is getting tempting. It reports bodyfat. 

Took my first nibble at holiday stuff and knocked out BFF first. She's been weird lately and it's a fancy gift, but hey... She's got a bunch of autoimmune diseases and feels like **** all the time so I got her the same Fitbit Charge 2 I have. All the prompts and stuff have really helped me start moving again and if I could do anything, I'd do something to make her feel less ****ty all the time. So pricey gift it is. 

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Toughness Day 6: https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-6

For the next day, two if you like, carry a note pad around. The purpose of having this on hand and ready is to write down any instance where you succumb to weakness. What triggers the self-pity, the fear, the tendency you may have to look at what you can’t do about something rather than looking at what you can do? Write it down. Write down all of your complaints. The second part of this task is writing down what you think you can control but in reality can’t. Be careful with this. You can control your effort, where you end up in life, and the work you do. 

Today's list of weakness:

1. Slept in instead of getting up and moving.
2. Got bummed when I saw all the dishes in the sink. I did them all last night and there's more???
3. Slouched on the couch instead of getting dressed to go to do call.
4. Not tackling to do list. Just being lazy.
5. Gloomy because Christmas is coming and that means parents will have their mental health bender. Haven't figured out where to clear out to yet.
6. Blew chunks on the phone screen. Let my
7. Foulest mood ever for no other reason than I am hormonal and restless AF. I now know where the idea of exorcisms came from. I either need a boyfriend, an exorcism, or a brownie. Tinder and OKcupid have failed me. All that is available is a brownie.

B: Protein cookie, Coffee + half n half

S1: Skipped

L:  Paleo pizza bake

S2: Skipped

S3: Skipped

Dinner: porkchop, applesauce no other sides.

S4: Brownies. F the diet. Must feed evil PMS demon.

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My dog knows me and is hiding out in the bathroom. This is when I am most likely to engage in ear-cleaning, teeth brushing, and other intimate violations of her person. The evil PMS demon says "IF I CANNOT BE HAPPY YOU WILL BE CLEAN. grrr... snarl... hiss..."

Deep cleaned my travel pantry instead. Now I will wash the kitchen floor. IT WILL BE SO CLEAN!!!

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Say a prayer for my poor parents tonight who I force fed pork chops and brownies. It got  little weird.

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UDG texted. I warned him I am hormonal and he should run for his life, save the children. He offered me a wild night to help me tone it down. I told him it would probably turn out like the National Geographic special where the praying mantis tears off and eats her partner's head. He said "Promises, promises." 

Best laugh I have had all day.

Waiting for the bootcamp workout to start. My dog and I drove up early to get a haircut (me, not her). Then we got snacks at Costco (she did not like all the noise in the outdoor snack bar but wolfed down her hot dog anyway). Now we are sitting at the park while I respond to a bunch of recruiter phone calls (in December!!!!! Crazy.)

------ Best feeling today was letting go of my dog's leash while we all ran bases and she totally kept an eye on me and ran right by my side, maybe about 2 feet away. I'd hold my hand flat out and wait for her to turn and run around the bases and she'd just turn and run with me. It's just the most amazing feeling that this alien consciousness really is your friend and playing along with you, doing exactly what you want them to do. The other two guys decided to let their own dogs off leash but they flopped over and got confused. Ha ha my ancient dog rocks and your dogs suck.

Also Pete made the comment that I am tightening up. I guess I lost the saddle bags on either side of my ass... I guess that's what I get for wearing compression pants. At least the way he did it was totally creepy and funny.

There is definitely something about a haircut that lifts your mood. Like having fresh ends is a fresh start.

Product idea... PMSStormWatch: a period tracking app that tracks your mood around your cycle and predicts when you will be a ****ing nutbag so you can just plan to stay home and clean that weekend (not sign up for 12 mile hikes you flake on). Bonus: locks up credit cards, social media, email, phone and car keys until your mood forecast is better. Auto-sends you Netflix recommendations based on your cycle. Continuously provides coffee and dark chocolate.Massages your feet and tells you you are pretty.

Btw... in case you missed it, Facebook now analyzes your posts for mental health issues. They know if people are suicidal, but do they know if they are adhd? I bet they could tell by how many posts have complete... SQUIRREL!

Day 5 of the toughness challenge: humility "The tough man doesn’t let his pride and his anger stand in the way of the bigger picture. He can’t. He’s too focused and too driven to allow others to dictate his mood and his mental state. We have the habit of talking about ourselves. We all do it. We do it often to make a connection. And it makes sense, we’re the ones we know best and we’re often proud of what we’re doing. Toughness deems we remove our ego and pride and instead listen. Allow others to brag and boast and proclaim their best intentions. Listen. Actively listen. For the next 3 days, just listen. Don’t talk about yourself in any sense. Don’t let your pride lead you to make bad decisions. Live with humility. Understand that everyone has something they can teach you, even if that something is from paying attention to their mistakes. Swallow your pride. Consciously live with humility over the next 3 days, then make it a habit moving forward. "

It does irritate me that his daily challenges cover more than 1 day... but ok. This might be hard because I have a bunch of interviews... but ok. I actually need to go the other way though... I don't talk enough or open up to people and when I do I have too many questions.

2 eggs, olive oil, 2 slices ham, 2 paleo pancake muffins, bowl of costco chili. Queso and guac on sweet potato crackers, chicken breast, pepitas, southwest salad. Note... costco chilli is delicious but not enough carbs to power a workout. I will have to look into making my own sweet potato crackers.

Dog had: glucosamine treats, cookies, chicken jerky, costco hot dog, a chicken breast, cookies. Doggie dinner is bubbling away in the crockpot. It's boneless chicken thighs and sweet potatoes. I will add other stuff once it is cooked and shredded. Yum.

Starting over...  Again. Didn't go to a practice hike or the actual hike this weekend. Couldn't get to sleep on time and fitbit says I fell asleep fri, sat and sun night about 4 am each. Sure felt like it, just laying there staring at the blackness of my sleep mask and too out of it on sleep aids to actually get out of bed and do anything.

When you fall down, just crawl a little then stand, clean yourself up and try again. I had a good cry most of today, but then I got out of bed, took a shower, vacumed, made my bed, washed dishes, cleaned the bathroom. Now I will dry my hair and take my dog for a walk and work on Pete's site a little.

Toughness challenge day 4: https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-4

"Join a boxing gym or a MMA gym or a kickboxing gym. Join some kind of gym that will get you punched in the face. Men are born to fight. It’s who we are and why we’re here. Testosterone makes us more aggressive than women, it also leads us to have stronger bones and bigger muscles, both things come in handy when we’re talking about fighting. Don’t move to the next day until you finish this task."

I've actually done this before and have my beloved boxing gloves somewhere in storage. It did get me punched in the face a couple of times. I don't know that it made me any tougher. Mostly it just made it really awkward to talk to the ladies who actually punched me. They were super embarrassed. Must be a guy thing.

I did like this quote in the email though... "Toughness is essentially a fight against mediocrity. It's being able to withstand what your grand goals will throw your way instead of settling for the easy lives on autopilot that so many blindly ease into."

Chipped a front tooth today accidentally biting a fork. Ugh. I just got stressed when my dad came into the kitchen and started going after dinner before it was ready. Rough, hurts and bleeding. Great for job interviews. 19 days till health insurance kicks in.

Going to go back to logging what I eat, at least today. Maybe tomorrow. Missed most meals, but I ate a lot yesterday so maybe I'm just not very hungry today. I'll probably eat too much tonight too lat and maybe that's what kept me up. Eating too late wathing Netflix with my mom.

Eaten today:

1. Lenny and Larry's protein cookie
2. 4 oranges
3. 2 pork chops, apple sauce 1/2 a sweet potato, spinach, butter
4. 2 packets trail mix, 4 hot dogs
5. 5 cheese sticks (don't judge)
6. Sweet potato crackers
7. Big glass of stevia punch, another protein cookie, packet of chicken ramen

Fed to dog: 2 hot dogs, 2 pork chops, 1/2 a can of chicken dog food, milk bones, jerky treats, water

Back up to 240.6 today. Ugh.

Was up late last night working on Pete's new homepage. Got too into it stayed up too late and then I overslept and missed my opportunity to do a practice hike. I am trying to do too much and I need to drop the class. Anxiety is kicking my butt.

So sore, so tired.

Spent most of day looking for a daypack for the hike so I don't pop a vertebrae again. Found one at 511 on closeout at 50% off. No returns. It looks military and gay but it puts the weight on my hips right. Maybe I can tie butterflies and flowers on the molle webbing. Anything to make me look less lesbian. Nothing wrong with it but being single isn't fun. 

Sigh.

Maybe this would be a good patch. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/422705115002781405/

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Challenge 3 for toughness

https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-3

"Spend the next day defining your purpose. Find clarity. Find your path, that thing you want to work toward. Think big picture. Think about the ideal not necessarily the task or the house you want or the life you want. Think about who you want to become, and more importantly, how you want to make this world better. This may take a few days. And it may take years. So don’t go on to the next day until this one’s finished. One of the best things you can do to help you find this clarity is to get out in nature, alone. Go for a hike, a walk, or better yet, go camping. Be in an environment that makes you feel small, but also one that doesn’t influence you with the bombardment of TV ads or even opinions of friends and family. "

The thing I want to work toward right now is just being able to be out and have adventures and not be so tired that I get to the adventure and end up sleeping through it... but the challenge sounds bigger than that. I just want to be someplace green with my friends and family, a couple of shepherds and a big garden and go for good long walks every day. I'd eventually like to be a parent. Make the world a good place for the kid as much as I can. Relearn the world through them. Could be a spouse's kid (at 40 I might be too old) or a foster kid.

Another workout in the bag. I was a bit on the  Pete sent me lots of feedback on his homepage redesign. Need to incorporate it.

Challenge 2: Find the Good

Every day write down 3 things you’re appreciative of that happened within the last 24 hours. That is, you’re not ‘thankful for your family’, as my mom would always say when asked a question along those lines. You’re appreciative of something specific. Maybe it’s an opportunity, a thought that came to you, or something you did that you think deserves a pat on the back. This, too, is toughness. Finding the good where everyone else focuses on the bad is a skill that the tough possess. 

https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-2

My 3 things today are:

1. That my mom gave my dog a thourough rub down after the park workout today
2. That I can do a project for my portfolio with Pete and actually try to help someone and maybe get myself on the right path.
3. That I get today to get **** together because Molly flaked on me so I didn't have to flake on her.
4. Bonus: The bathroom scale is now working again in lbs. Mysteriously fixed itself.

Need to do a practice hike before Sunday. Dreading it. The hike Sunday will be 12 miles. I am going to head up Saturday AM and then do the ractice. I need a can of predator spray and a different backpack.

Ok. time to get my **** together and get out of the house. Hungry but if I stay here nothing will get done.

Grrrr another fitness workout in the bag.

Chasing after my old boss to redo his website.  He's got an interesting model but it isn't reflected on his site and it is impossible to understand as a normal human. I want to simplify it and do it as a case study. Basically there is tons of good content, but no easy entry point I can send a friend to when she wants to know why I don't eat. Signed up for a Udemy class on digital marketing to follow along with while I work on the wireframes. 

In the meantime, found a cool-looking series called "10 Days to Toughness" on some alpha male dude blog... But hey it's free. https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-1/

Task 1 challenge is to "Do without" to not rely on the pleasure of taste. "For the next 3 days your diet will not be complete, it will not be healthy. It will be restricted to only the simplest ingredients: oatmeal and eggs. Again. This isn’t the healthiest diet in the world. But it is one of the blandest, most boring diets we can possibly have. And that’s the toughness aspect. So, for the next 3 days, only oatmeal, eggs, and water. Every meal. No sauce. No salt. No pepper. Nothing to spice things up. Become a man dependent on none of the things we think we need for pleasure and happiness."

Ummmm... Have to try this one next week maybe. Already bought groceries.

Watching the wildfires burn through where I lived as a kid and went through every day for school. Astonishing.