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happy-1 - Thursday Dec 21, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

No scale to weigh in on. Need more veggies to see progress anyway.

Another morning of no personal messages and a big Molly-shaped hole.

Augh.

Sucking it up today. Day 9 of the toughness challenge is to go for a run and don't let yourself walk. "Toughness is pushing through pain, it’s persistence. Running, something I’m not all that fond of, is something I now do daily. It’s not for the health or the fitness, although it’s great for the lungs, it’s for the mental test, the moments where I want to walk." Persistence of pushing through pain.

Bootcamp workout tonight with my pup. Need to leave earlier tonite at 5;15 to give her more time to poop before the workout. My dog's expectations for what her daily life should be like have been raised and she's actually working on the back gate to get out and roam the neighborhood on her own. At 18!!!!!

Doing a bunch of cooking for the week. So far an egg bake, hot dog muffins, sweet potatoes, lentil soup, falafel. Anything to hide some veggies and get more in. I just feel like only eating comfort food with lots of carbs and fat.

Trying to focus on Pete's thing but I keep thinking about the meal planning app
---
B: coffee 4 creams, egg mushroom sausage bake
S: overnight oats
S: hotdog muffin, cranberry juice
L: lentil soup, falafel
S: 4 egg rolls from freezer, honey mustard dressing
S: post workout hunger... 1 slice pizza, diet lemonade
D: more lentil soup, sweet potato crackers, 1/2 cheese stick, protein cookie, hotdog muffin, mustard

---

4am and I'm still up. Mostly due to forgetting to take sleep aid when I got home and my mom wanted to watch a movie then toddled off to bed at 1 am. Super, super cold tonight but no high winds. That means I will be able to get a lot of chores done tomorrow. Mostly thinking about discussions with adhd coach today. Basically they run a nanny service for adults with one focus goal setting and then 3 checkins to follow up. I kind of hate the idea of that. 1 more person to fail, plus it is kind of what online counselor and I have been doing, and it is $160 a week. I'm also not sure it will help unless I get digitally organized first.

Counting blessings since I can't sleep... warm blankets, good mattress, warm fluffy dog as a bed warmer, my parents, my extended family, my running car, my weight loss, decent hair cut, good running shoes, getting a good workout in after not feeling well the last couple of weeks. Chewable peppermint melatonin. Feeling cold after being too hot for months and months, that my ex still texts me, that my mom bought me my favorite stevia soda as a hannukah gift. Finding a really, really good recipe for lentil soup. Progress in putting kitchen together. The back patio for my dog, this service and the people on it. Hugs.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
Feisty dog you have...and at 18...amazing! Good for you pushing yourself to run to prove to yourself you can....

happy-1 on 12/22/2017:
She's the best dog on the planet and I am glad I pulled it together where she is concerned


Horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2017:
yes, veggies definitely help - lately i'm eating lots of carbs and sweets...too much around and also a lot of change going on in my life is causing me to slightly move off kilter...but must move back toward a happy medium soon...which no doubt i will...especialyl after feeling better so I'm not coming home to eat like a maniac...just need to find my structure again.

happy-1 on 12/22/2017:
I feel you on the need for structure


Horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2017:
i ate falafel just the other day, but a weird one because it actually wasn't fried! weird but tasted really wholesome and good!

happy-1 on 12/22/2017:
Baked is ok but then they taste like a veggie patty not falaffel


bearcountrygg on 12/22/2017:
$160 a WEEK??????? $640 a MONTH?????? Think about that really well!!!!!! If I understand you they will have 4 digital contacts a week or a day for $160?????? PLEASE think about that really well!!!!! If they say 4 contacts a day is worth that...then you need to get a notebook and every morning plan out your day with specific times 1.Plan day 2.check in time say like 3 hours later 3. another check in time 4. another check in time work on every 3 hour time period to accomplish what you wanted..make notes to yourself...get some cute stickers and earn a sticker every time you are happy with your success. Free for the price of the notebook which you probably already have.....a little for some cute stickers...which you may also have as well. BOOM! You have a free program and saved $640 a month which by the way is $7,680 a YEAR!!!!

happy-1 on 12/22/2017:
Yeah the thing about inattentive adhd is that I am "time blind" and don't self start. They aren't wrong about how to get us to "go mode"... you kind of catch energy from another person and that tips you into productivity. There are software project management practices that work the same way. But the part that is missing is the visual tracking part. They are charging what someone with the same skillset would be for 2 hours to manage a software team. For that money though there is a visual component and color coding that makes you clue in and round back (software and game development are two industries that naturally select for people with adhd because you have to be fairly time-blind to code in a chair for 8-12 hours). The journaling and stickers are a good idea, but there is a cognitive process around activation that is needed for that to happen.

happy-1 on 12/22/2017:
Their premise is right but their structure is wrong and not sustainable and the flaw in the design of the program makes me question their outcome.



happy-1 - Wednesday Dec 20, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

No personal texts, calls, or emails in my inbox this morning. Augh. Shouldn't this stuff only be happening if I was addicted to smoking crack or an alcoholic or something? I am disappointed in the DARE program of my childhood. They left out fat, tired, and disorganized.

Listened to AM news channel this morning. This Bitcoin thing is crazy. I never really understood it. I can't believe it's almost $20k.

---

Biked to market today and back again. Esy peasy. Mental barrier broken. Doing it all the time from now on. Then I came home, walked my dog, washed the curtains and reorganized some things. I have boxes and boxes of paper files I can get rid of if I scan them. Now my beloved dog is curled up on my feet. She makes a great cuddle buddy. Huge storm outside and 5 huge tree branches fell. I'll have to clean up tomorrow AM.

Trying to work through Pete's site. The 1:1 personal training page is hard to do. I'm looking around on the web for pages I think are well done and I can't really find any. None of them sound like someone you want to spend any time with.

---

Catching up on the toughness challenge. Picking up on Day 8.

(And I just noticed his most "catchy" sharable ideas are in his emails, not his landing pages.. so when I get through this I will have to go back and summarize it and then do the steps again.)

Today it is about faith and that people with faith are inspired to do great things. So you basically have to figure out what you have faith in. "Now, faith in what? That’s not for me to tell you. Faith in the universe, in God, in Allah, in Yeshua, in the idea that if you work hard and do the right thing that is enough. This is for you to decide, but faith in something greater, be it an idea, an ideology, a being that is greater than you allows you to give your fear up and give it to something else, something bigger and greater than you can comprehend." So the challenge is to figure out what you believe in and commit.

This is a good thing to think about because it is something I have struggled with all my life. From my upbringing I hold 3 pieces of different ideaologies (Jewish, Catholic, Universalist Unitarian "Everyone is right, it is all one story"). In college I looked around at the 5 square Christians, but it didn't really resonate. I did like Habitat for Humanity. I need to think about what it was in Habitat for Humanity that is the core idea and commit to that. It meshes with what I like about the Unitarians, but culturally I don't like going there... They are kind of weird and new age.

---

Adding to this list as I think of things... Gotta celebrate our successes...

THINGS I HAVE ACHIEVED THIS YEAR: Got back into fitness, lost a bunch of weight, learned a bunch of new skills, lost and found and lost a job but at least got a good reference from it. Got my act together when it comes to taking care and providing for my dog even if she is 18 now. Reduced family friction and stopped responding to my dad baiting me. Got rid of two terrible romantic relationships. Built a network of women to go camping with that I like. Got my personal website up. Got control of my sleep (HUGE). Got the kitchen set up. Cleaned out parent's living room and dining room. WAY better hair, makeup, and clothes. 

What have you achieved this year?

-----
9:20am - B: protein cookie
S: 1 piece of cheese and sweet potato crackers
L: burger wrap, diet pepsi, sweet potato fries
S: cheese stick, crackers
D: beef stew from freezer, 2 pieces pizza
S: cranberry juice with seltzer
S:

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/20/2017:
Apparently Bitcoin is a pyramid scheme...scary

happy-1 on 12/20/2017:
Yeah, I still don't get it. I've had it explained to me a million times, but you still can't eat it.


bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
It's a risk for people who have money to throw away.......makes me wonder how if they are going for a pyramid scheme.. how were they smart enough to have the money to throw away on it to begin with...........a fool and their money are soon parted as they say.


innerpeace on 12/21/2017:
Nice summary of your achievements. I will have to think about my acocomplishments.


bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
I think I may have meant ponzi scheme.



happy-1 - Tuesday Dec 19, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Forgot to weigh in. Again. Scale is missing, also.

Molly is still mad. She's doing the chick thing where she keeps saying "I'm fine" which most definitely means she is not fine, does not want to talk about it, or talk to me. I give up. All I can do is leave her alone, move on with my life, and try to check in and wish her a happy birthday in January. She may or may not reply.

Where do you find new best friends when you are 40, single, living with your parents to take care of your dad, and unemployed and all your other friends have moved on and ditched you? 

Made an appointment with an Adult ADHD-specific coach. This is new... they didn't exist all those years ago. Love my online therapist but I'm doing progressively worse. I think I could use a break this month. Pick up in the new year. Try the coach in the meantime.

---

Pride moment. I remembered to update my pup's AVID number with our current address. YAY ME!

---

Another interview today. Online fashion rental company. Sounds like a cool company. I really like the recruiter.

---

Through divine intervention, my interview was rescheduled for January. Yay!  I did not feel the mojo when I woke up this morning and got lucky.

Time to work on pete's site a little then head home to grab my pup for bootcamp tonght. I feel inspired

---

Things I have achieved this year: got back into fitness, lost a bunch of weight, learned a bunch of new skills, lost and found and lost a job but at least got a good reference from it. Got my act together when it comes to taking care and providing for my dog even if she is 18 now. Reduced family friction and stopped responding to my dad baiting me. Got rid of two terrible romantic relationships. Built a network of women to go camping with that I like. Got my personal website up.

Things I would like to be able to achieve in 2018:

- Keep up with the wilderness travel course

- Accomplish 1 thing on my to do list a day

- Move out of my parents house

- Be ready for my birthday, Christmas and remember my friend's birthdays

Have it together enough to do Habitat for Humanity again. I can't control my sleep or energy level enough to show up for things I commit to and I would like to improve my fitness level s so I can do that.

 

---

B: 3 aussie bites (390 calories but the ingredients are ok per diet plan)

S: Skipped

L: Frozen shepherds pie, coconut water.

S: 2 servings of hot wings

S: 3 hot dogs, 2 paleo muffins

D: 3 packets trail mix, diet gingerale

S: 1 paleo muffin, butter

Clearly not getting 8 cups of veggies a day right now. Haven't been writing meal plans ahead for a couple of weeks and it shows.


Dog had chicken stew, chicken jerky, part of a hot dog

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/19/2017:
Good luck with the interview!

happy-1 on 12/19/2017:
Thanks! Today's luck was that it was rescheduled :-)


bearcountrygg on 12/20/2017:
Sounds like you accomplished a lot this year.....what is your personal website about?

happy-1 on 12/20/2017:
Just my resume and portfolio for work


horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2017:
Keep staying positive...all your plans and appointments sound lined up for success.

happy-1 on 12/20/2017:
Trying! One paw in front of the other!



happy-1 - Monday Dec 18, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Forgot to weigh in.

Day 2 of Molly "No Contact Shut Out". Breakups with a friend are worse than breakups with a boyfriend. I think it leaves a bigger hole. A husband would be worse. Here's what I don't get... We talked about it first, then I asked her for her shipping address and what color she wanted. There were like 4 opportunities ahead of time to say "Please don't" or "I wouldn't be into that". I kind of feel set up.

Job interview today that I still need to research for.

---

Interview for gig went well. At least I liked the guy.

---

B: Protein Cookie

S: Skipped

L: Breakfast egg bake (2 eggs, 2 sausages , cheese), 1 pancake muffin, butter

S: Skipped

D: Post-Interview need for comfort food. Burger lettuce wrap with cheese, carrot sticks and ranch dressing. Diet pepsi (a lot)

S: chicken and potato salad

S: paleo pancake muffin with butter

Can't sleep snacks: 2 oranges, 3 packets of trail mix, 1 package of ramen. Usually caffeine knocks me out. Must be anxiety.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/18/2017:
It's too bad that it all worked out that way with Molly...especially if she already knew ahead of time....good luck with the interview!



happy-1 - Sunday Dec 17, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Didn't get a chance toweigh in this morning. Overslept and pretty much rolled out of bed and into the car to go get stuff to fix the garbage disposal. Fitbit says I didn't get to sleep till 4am again. I worked on Pete's site till 1 because staying busy keeps me from thinking about the Molly thing. Once I was in bed it was pretty much all I could think about. So 4AM.

----

Lots of sirens and it is such a hot day. Dog is making me crazy again even though I took her out 4x this week and walked her daily.

---

Just so cranky today. I ate but I'm hungry, drank but I'm thirsty, slept but I'm tired, cleaned but the house is still dirty. Ugh! Need to get away for a few days. Clear my head. Need to turn my life around.

---

Mom says she has decided to hate fat people. She is tired of being a slave to the almighty gut and cravings for fast food. Namely that she doesn't want to take my dad out for cheap fast food anymore.

---

Had another go around with my dad about food. And how we can get along. Somehow me making dinner is bullying him with food.

---

B: protein cookie

S: skipped

L: burger lettuce wrap, sweet potato fries, iced coffee

S: edamame protein pasta with cheese, blech. Doesn't freeze well.

S: skipped D: 3 pork chop pieces, apple sauce (a little old)

S: Pork shu mai from Trader Joe's

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/17/2017:
Did you get the garbage disposal fixed?

happy-1 on 12/17/2017:
Still draining the sink :( plan is ice cubes then baking soda and vinegar with a lid. If that fails a bottle of coke. If that fails I go buy gloves, rain poncho and goggles and open the trap.


bearcountrygg on 12/17/2017:
Ours plugged up a few weeks ago...you might try rolling/folding up a dish towel...and using it like a plunger.underwater..I unplugged ours that way...

happy-1 on 12/17/2017:
I put lye down the other side and I think it backed up into the garbage disposal. It is probably a solid rock at the bottom now with all the egg shells my dad puts down it

happy-1 on 12/17/2017:
Water does go down, but It is probably a super tiny hole.


bearcountrygg on 12/17/2017:
Actually we don't have a garbage disposer...ours was a slow drain...don't get fingers in there...don't need to lose those!

happy-1 on 12/17/2017:
Yeah i am hoping that the ice will break up whatever is settling down there

happy-1 on 12/17/2017:
Yeah i am hoping that the ice will break up whatever is settling down there



happy-1 - Saturday Dec 16, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

240.2

Really screwed up (expensively). The fitbit was the wrong Christmas gift for Molly. It got there really fast, and she opened it before I got there. I saw her face when she picked it up off the table... like I had given her a dead toad. No thanks, no excitement.

This morning I texted her to see if she had tried it yet and she hadn't so I said: "I know you resist this idea... that you don't think it can help, that your medical stuff is too severe, and this is just one more thing to deal with... and you've already gone through a ton of changes lately... and me sending you one feels like nagging when you already get tons of **** from your family about your weight ... you don't need it from me too. But I know you are a dynamic force to be reckoned with, and every time you have kicked my butt you have made my life better. And I am your friend and all I want is for you to feel better so that we can hang out more. If you wear it 24x7 and follow the prompts you will feel better. It tells you if you had effective sleep and gets you on a routine, plus it gets you to move on a schedule to boost circulation... just a small walk around the office to get a cup of coffee or water. So don't think of it as a burden, think of it as a great big hug from your good friend and let's find a fashion band on etsy so it looks like jewelry and you like it better."

She said "I’m going to give you back the FitBit. I don’t want it and I won’t use it. I understand you believe you’re coming from a good place - and I think you are - but to me all I’ve had my whole life is discussions about weight and I’m frankly tired of the discussions. I really am. I’m tired of the comments - helpful or not - I’m just tired. If it makes you feel great, awesome. I’m happy for you. I know you think it’d help me. That’s fine too. But I just don’t want it. As such I’d respectfully ask to just drop the topic with me. I don’t want to be tagged in posts and I don’t want health stuff bought for me. I tried to keep it light last night but I don’t think you get how getting that as a present made me feel. And that’s OK. Because I know you were genuinely coming from a good place. So I hope we can just leave this here and move on. OK?"

I said: "Ok. It gets confusing because you said multiple times that you wish you could feel better so you could workout and do all the things you used to do. So I thought if I could help you feel better that would help. Weight is irrelevant. But I'll drop it now. Just take it back to Bed Bath and Beyond and exchange it for something for the new place. Towels, pillows, throw rugs etc."

Pretty demoralized right now. She's kind of my last real friend. Everyone else has kind of disappeared in the last couple of years or I disappeared into depression on them. I always make this mistake. Everytime. People say they want to do something or change something and I try to help. That's what you so as a friend you just help... A referral, move a couch, whatever. Except each and every time I do it wrong. How do I keep getting older and never get any smarter?

---

Spending Saturday night watching Netflix and working on Pete's site. I think I'm doing a pretty decent job on it.

---

B: Coffee, coconut creamer, 1 paleo pancake muffin, 2 nitrite-free turkey sausages, butter, syrup, 1 small apple

S: greek yogurt, paleo granola, blueberries

L: Steel cut overnight oats

S: Skipped

D: 3 slices of pizza. Chocolate protein drink (Peace offering to parents)

S: 4 hotdogs with mustard, no buns

Dog had: vitamins, chicken jerky strips, chicken/sweet potato stew, 1 pizza crust, 3 hot dogs

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/16/2017:
Hap....you were coming from a good place...you wanted to help....she doesn't want to do it...she just wants to give it lip service...she isn't ready...and maybe she never will be...but now is the time to listen to what she has to say...and do what you can to stop encouraging her because she can't deal with it. You will just have to accept her as she is....and let her figure it out on her own. She still needs your friendship....you tried....

happy-1 on 12/16/2017:
This is why I am unemployed. I suck at reading people. Obviously now that I know she doesn't want to feel better I will leave it alone. I dunno why people say they want things they don't want. It is such a waste of air.


bearcountrygg on 12/16/2017:
They think it sounds good...they know what people are thinking about them and they are buying themselves a little time......some day the light may go on for her and she will get motivated....she can't handle pressure....so it's up to her to ask for your help possibly....or maybe she will just keep on keeping on...until something else happens....but you gave it a shot

happy-1 on 12/16/2017:
Dogs are great. They always let you know how they feel


bearcountrygg on 12/17/2017:
Yeah....Dr Phil once said that if you shut your wife and your dog in the trunk....when you finally let them out...see which one is happy to see you...Dogs love you no matter what...people...not so much.


Donkey on 12/17/2017:
I'm so sorry... I know that you were coming from a good place. Your friend, Molly, said she could see it too -- I hope she was sincere about it.

Could have things changed between when she complained to when you gave her the gift? Or perhaps she was just venting, not really wanting to affect any real change, but rather thinking aloud...

That's the thing about weight-loss: can't wish it, can't study for it (like an exam), you gotta DO IT.

I thought you handled it very well with your response, too. THAT was VERY good. I don't think you've lost her as a friend; let it go, let her cool down, and then re-engage.

(((hugs)))

happy-1 on 12/17/2017:
Here's hoping. I wish I hadn't done it.


innerpeace on 12/18/2017:
OMG that is so terrible. Your heart was in the wrong place.I'm so sorry that she didn't see where you were coming from. At this point in my life I am thankful for all the help I receive. You just cannot control how people will react to somethings, maybe your friend just isn't ready. Once she is, just be there for her. Good luck.

happy-1 on 12/18/2017:
21 odd years gone in one stupid gift. Ty fur the virtual hugs.

happy-1 on 12/18/2017:
21 odd years gone in one stupid gift. Ty fur the virtual hugs.



happy-1 - Friday Dec 15, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Hurt my neck and flaked on a date with an ex. OW.

---

B: greek yogurt, granola, blueberries

L: leftover pork, sweet potato

D: chicken noodle soup

S: 2 mini pizzas with extra cheese and pepperonis

S: 2 packs of trail mix with extra dark chocolate chips.

 

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/16/2017:
Hope you feel better..


Donkey on 12/16/2017:
Not good -- hope your neck feels better soon. That sounds really painful!



happy-1 - Thursday Dec 14, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

236.2. Still driving back down past lowest weight.

Woke up at 7! Yay! Had to set two alarms but good to be up and moving on time. Mostly massaged my ancient dog till my meds kicked in... she ignored me, even though I tickled all her spots, chewed on her, and gave her zerberts. Total passive resistance. She doesn't bother getting out of bed till noon.

Plan for the day is to make breakfast, pick up patio, go to Starbucks, finish the second page of Pete 's site, grab my pup and head up to workout, then go to costco on the way home.

---

We are out of half and half... a crisis. How am I supposed to be a normal human today?

---

Ugh. My hormone-induced emotional state threw my parents off and now they are in terrible moods.

---

Sat out on the porch till I felt better then came in and made food and cleaned out the fridge. MADE THE MOST AMAZING SOUP... OMG. Sometimes I just really nail it. Not paleo but wanted to use up some dry ravioli pasta I had laying around. Maybe $5 for the giant pot. I can't stop eating it. It's actually a problem. I stop, then 30 min later I want more. 

Ingredients:

1 tube of pork breakfast sausage, browned in your pot and broken to crumbles.

Onion, celery, carrot, garlic, diced and sauteed in the pork fat with the crumbles.

Italian seasoning, black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, turmeric

Chicken base, water. Bring it to a rolling boil.

1/2 a bag of dried ravioli pasta, boiled for 5-7 minutes. Check that it is on the raw side of al dente and the broth doesn't need more salt (breakfast sausage is already high sodium), then turn off the heat, let it sit for 5 min and it will continue to cook in the heat.

Pour in 1-2 cups of mashed potato flakes. Any thickening starch will do to bind the fat. It will still be a little fatty.

Add 1 giant bag of fresh spinach, then cover, let it wilt in the heat. This should absorb any remaining fat, or if it still feels fatty it won't be greasy. It will be delicious.

Give dog treats, because the onion means no sharing with your pup.

I swear this will BLOW YOUR MIND.

---

Bootcamp workout tonight. Kind of tired and just want to go to the 99cent store and work on Pete's pages, but I should go anyway. I reupped for his fitness challenge even though I am starting late.

-----

B: 3 eggs, spinach, mozzarella, tomato sauce, 3 sausage links

S: 2 cheese sticks, sweet potato crackers

L: Clean out the fridge meal - Homemade falaffel with hummus and coleslaw salad (OMG. I'm a genius)

S: 2 bowls of sausage tortellini soup

S: 1 bowl of sausage tortellini soup, because I put it away when it cooled and 1 bowl was going to be so lonely.  (OMG. I'm a fat genius)

D: costco chicken, leftover falafel and hummus, quinoa salad, brownies

---

Dog had: Gummi vitamins, chicken jerky, a forgotten package of deli turkey that was of questionable origin but she raised no objection to.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/14/2017:
Paleo pancakes?

happy-1 on 12/14/2017:
Yeah... Costco has a really good one from Birchbenders. I stopped buying bread (finally) and just bake up a dozen muffins at the beginning of the week and then reheat or slice and use throughout the week. looking for wider flatter molds t make sandwich bread with. I used it as a pizza crust yesterday. Has the slight flavor of coconut but not overpowering and I notice it less and less... unless I eat actual bread and remember how good bread is.

https://birchbenders.com/product/paleo/


Maria7 on 12/14/2017:
Hope you have a good day.

happy-1 on 12/14/2017:
Hugs



happy-1 - Wednesday Dec 13, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Information product campaign... a 30 day challenge for doing all the little crap that you need to do to deal with PMS.

Splashed across the homepage would be Sigorney Weaver vs. Predator. Possibly feeding it dark chocolate and coffee. With like some ribs to gnaw on.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 12/14/2017:
Lol during PMS and my period, i always crave fat, salt, and sugar.

Like, candy and chips and breads.

happy-1 on 12/14/2017:
Strange, I crave the blood of my enemies... ;-p


bearcountrygg on 12/14/2017:
I alternately tried to pick fights with HIM and wanted silence....crazy dance for 12 hrs!

happy-1 on 12/14/2017:
I'm going to start calling the evil spirit of PMS that inhabits my body Omorosa Bagavagina.



happy-1 - Wednesday Dec 13, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 234.4

Another workout last night in the bag. Dog is nowhere to be seen which is good because it means I get brain-time to myself instead of an underfoot "velcro dog". Might need to find a third dog-friendly park workout for saturdays. The weekend workouts for Pete's group aren't dog-friendly.

Weight: 238.something. Pete said last night I'm slimming down (ignore how weird it is that your ex boss checked out your ass and said it's getting skinnier... and remember that's what people pay him for now and he's on the before/after photo rampage now that I'm overhauling his site). That fitbit scale is getting tempting. It reports bodyfat. 

Took my first nibble at holiday stuff and knocked out BFF first. She's been weird lately and it's a fancy gift, but hey... She's got a bunch of autoimmune diseases and feels like **** all the time so I got her the same Fitbit Charge 2 I have. All the prompts and stuff have really helped me start moving again and if I could do anything, I'd do something to make her feel less ****ty all the time. So pricey gift it is. 

--

Toughness Day 6: https://daremightythings.leadpages.co/10-days-task-6

For the next day, two if you like, carry a note pad around. The purpose of having this on hand and ready is to write down any instance where you succumb to weakness. What triggers the self-pity, the fear, the tendency you may have to look at what you can’t do about something rather than looking at what you can do? Write it down. Write down all of your complaints. The second part of this task is writing down what you think you can control but in reality can’t. Be careful with this. You can control your effort, where you end up in life, and the work you do. 

Today's list of weakness:

  1. Slept in instead of getting up and moving.
  2. Got bummed when I saw all the dishes in the sink. I did them all last night and there's more???
  3. Slouched on the couch instead of getting dressed to go to do call.
  4. Not tackling to do list. Just being lazy.
  5. Gloomy because Christmas is coming and that means parents will have their mental health bender. Haven't figured out where to clear out to yet.
  6. Blew chunks on the phone screen. Let my
  7. Foulest mood ever for no other reason than I am hormonal and restless AF. I now know where the idea of exorcisms came from. I either need a boyfriend, an exorcism, or a brownie. Tinder and OKcupid have failed me. All that is available is a brownie.

B: Protein cookie, Coffee + half n half

S1: Skipped

L:  Paleo pizza bake

S2: Skipped

S3: Skipped

Dinner: porkchop, applesauce no other sides.

S4: Brownies. F the diet. Must feed evil PMS demon.

---

My dog knows me and is hiding out in the bathroom. This is when I am most likely to engage in ear-cleaning, teeth brushing, and other intimate violations of her person. The evil PMS demon says "IF I CANNOT BE HAPPY YOU WILL BE CLEAN. grrr... snarl... hiss..."

Deep cleaned my travel pantry instead. Now I will wash the kitchen floor. IT WILL BE SO CLEAN!!!

---

Say a prayer for my poor parents tonight who I force fed pork chops and brownies. It got  little weird.

----

UDG texted. I warned him I am hormonal and he should run for his life, save the children. He offered me a wild night to help me tone it down. I told him it would probably turn out like the National Geographic special where the praying mantis tears off and eats her partner's head. He said "Promises, promises." 

Best laugh I have had all day.

Progress as of today: 73.6 lbs lost so far, only 54.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/13/2017:
Sounds like your body is shifting....that's fun! Maybe it is time for before and after photos!!

happy-1 on 12/13/2017:
I have a couple of photos... 1 in workout clothes and 1 in underwear. Both are depressing AF. But... One foot in front of the other.


bearcountrygg on 12/14/2017:
Back in the day...pre hysterectomy.....I was hormonal for only about 12 hours before , I used to warn Hubby.....he would just nod silently, get a far away look in his eyes and know that I was not responsible for anything I said or did....Thankfully it was over quick!

happy-1 on 12/14/2017:
Omg I would love to only have 12 hours of PMS. I only get 1 week of sanity. Then I get 1 week of depression, another week or fight/flight, then a week of feeling like total waste. My dog even hides.


bearcountrygg on 12/14/2017:
Oh Wow......sounds like a roller coaster ride...that can't be easy.



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