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happy-1 - Saturday Oct 24, 2020
(Get some damn sleep)
Weight: 223.2

REM sleep: 42


Progress as of today: 93.8 lbs lost so far, only 63.2 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/25/2020:
A major reason why I gave up on the sleep trackers on my various Fitbits is I feel I have no control over my sleep patterns. I have chronic insomnia & get all the sleep I can. I certainly felt the same on low REM and Derp Sleep numbers as I did on upper levels. Actually bought the device to track sleep, nothing else. Fun for a while, but useless for me,

I want to begin monitoring my glucose levels. What would be the best way?

Horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2020:
is dad taking medicine for his blood sugar????

Donkey on 10/25/2020:
Jacky makes an excellent point. Don't get me wrong - I think it's good that you are tracking your REM. And I do think that there are things that we can do to try to get the best sleep possible. But even if my Fitbit were spot on, or I was hooked up to a sleep study machine every night, I can't consciously control the quality of sleep I do get.

Have you taken a sleep study? I'm wondering if you might have sleep apnea.

thinkpositive on 10/25/2020:
I wear a Fitbit & track my sleep but I sometimes wonder what difference my REM and Deep sleep have on the quality of my day. Do you see a difference?

legcramps on 10/26/2020:
How are you doing?

Maria7 on 10/26/2020:
Hope you are having a good day.

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 24, 2020
(Get some damn sleep)
Weight: 225.7

 52 min REM

Broke my weight plateau of 225.9 to 225.7. May not be much but it's that first crack in the wall.

Major claim to fame: grocery run. I actually left the house.

Major frustration was dad getting a visit from the case manager from home health. I got lectured again about his blood sugar. Yes it is terrifying. Yes, I know all about diet and blood sugar. Here, let me show you my Nutrisense app. It's new. It shows me Garmin, ketomojo, and libre in one and a nutritionist reviews it. I take my health seriously. I can't do anything about it. He has to be willing to give up bread and cupcakes. Yes I know all his health issues and ailments are part of atrocious sugar. Yes I take it seriously. He agreed to log what he eats for 3 days so we can send it to a nutritionist. Then he didn't do it. When he asked me tonight about doing something for my actual birthday, I said look... I really miss mom. Last year the fight we had set us up to fight each other tooth and nail all year. I just want to keep my head down and put one foot in front of the other. I can't even think what that would even look like. But if you want to do something for my birthday, write down what you eat for 3 days so that when we do the follow up call on Thursday, You at least have something to show the doctor. I hate all the Kaiser professionals taking me to task because you won't give up Lean Cuisines and cupcakes. So do that for my birthday. I'd rather move forward and not dread anything than get an iPad or eat cake.

Then I ate 3 servings of keto pumpkin cheesecake and set up the carpets for deep scrubbing tomorrow. Wash away the aggravation. 

I have done the best that I can for today. I did not sit or slack. I will give it up to God and hope he helps me weather the storm and come out the other side.

One foot in front of the other.


Progress as of today: 91.3 lbs lost so far, only 65.7 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/24/2020:
Hoping Dad comes through with the birthday gift. Very kind and generous of you to want a gift that’s for him as well. Indeed, one step at a time. Stay the course.

Donkey on 10/24/2020:
I think Jacky's comment says it best.

And your 2nd to last sentence says it best too. Your best is enough. Dad's blood sugar is something that may very well have to be given up to God. You can't do this FOR dad.

grannyannie on 10/24/2020:
You will survive!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2020:
ohhh you make me want keto cheesecake BAD!

does dad take medicine for his blood sugar?

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 21, 2020
(Get some damn sleep)
Weight: 225.4

1:25 of REM. Probably REM rebound from all the rotten nights of sleep I have had the past two weeks.

Nutrisense sensor arrived today. I needed it to use the 14 day trial of the app. After my first scan I was able to use the feature that hooked me... a chart where if you scroll to the right or the left you can see at a specific time what your glucose is, so you can actually measure the impact of your hot mess and drama. This is a feature that is missing from Libre... and apparently you have to use the European Libre sensors and pay Nutrisense for it. Highway robbery.



What does appear to be worth paying for is the ability to isolate events in relationship to your glucose. It isn't as all the way there yet as the tutorial articles make it look. You can't track activities or notes.


However, I think if you also look at your calendar, Garmin charts and Cronometer at the same time, you can see what actually is messing with all your internal cycles. I'll dive into this this week. Might be interesting in terms of biohacking cortisol. 


There is an awful lot in the help tutorials that isn't in the app... I'm kind of confused about how they are managing the app feature developments... Like they added walkthroughs, A BIG effort... but the experiments don't incude activities and the meal logging is super weird... I can't figure out how to log nutritional information and the database that gets searched isn't anything I recognize.


Did have tremendous success with the virtual coworking session. I got through all my mail and one fat task I have been procrastinating on for a year.






Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/22/2020:
Very interesting! When I'm on my laptop, I'll have to check out the links. Bio- monitoring is so cool.

Glad you caught up on the REM!

happy-1 on 10/23/2020:
TY. I'm just so frustrated with trying to make my blood sugar ok. I tackled the REM as much as I could with getting off the Lunesta. It's the next thing to get back up in the long list of things to get back to work.

legcramps on 10/22/2020:
That does sound interesting; I will have to check out those links on the weekend when I have some down time. You do like your stats don't you? So do I :)

happy-1 on 10/23/2020:
I need the stats to change behavior. I don't want to go down the same path my dad did. I was drooling over Levels, but they don't publish their support articles or release notes and it is a hefty price tag. $400 a month is a car payment and insurance. It's just too big a price tag for something I can't tell how much is hype and marketing. Nutrisense felt worth rolling the dice on because I could kind of kick the tires. There also seemed to be less ego.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/23/2020:
yes, very interesting app and gadget. I do not have the motivation to evalauate myself to that degree, but i know that you are very into the dynamics of things like this - and that you like details very much...

happy-1 on 10/24/2020:
And also I can’t get my sugar under control.

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 21, 2020
(Get some damn sleep)
Weight: 225.4

 Garmin only tracked 3h of sleep and 1 min of REM, but I know I got at least 6. Time to clean the sensor.


H&M night bras came and they are perfect. A little weird at first because they are from the "Divided" line for teenagers... the way they are cut is just a little more modern than what I am used to... but they are perfect and WAY BETTER to sleep in than stretched out sports bras.

Back on my feet yesterday. Second day up today. Whatever the cat and I caught it was awful. Spent today with the caregiver deep-cleaning rooms dad is in so he doesn't catch whatever this is.  Ended up in the ER Saturday getting checked for meningitis because I told the doctor on follow up that I had a "cement in my brain" feeling for a couple of weeks and the antibiotics hadn't helped. Turned out I had had a non-stop migraine (that's what a migraine is???). The compazine and benadryl were a revelation. I had no idea it was migraines until, well, it magically went away. This is going to be $$$,$$$,$$$ when I see the bill.

Beats dying of meningitis.

Midnight. Checked calories and even though I ate about 2500 calories, I am still 2600 calories short because I burned 5600 cleaning today and I only want to be -500.

So what do I eat? I could seriously eat a whole moose right now, antlers to hooves. Possibly also a squirrel.

Any other Rocky and Bulwinkle fans?

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/21/2020:
No way I'd ever wear a bra to bed! I hate them. I don't wear a bra when I'm at home.

I've heard about migraines from people who get them frequently. They sound like torture. My husband never gets headaches but when we were in Uganda he felt ill and had blinding headaches. Another volunteer who is a doctor worried that he might have meningitis - so we drove him to his house and he checked him out. Decided it wasn't meningitis and wasn't sure what it was. He got better after a couple of days.

grannyannie on 10/21/2020:
I use a Samsung 'fitbit' and I know the readings are a big off for my sleep.

Donkey on 10/21/2020:
My fitbit missed 4 hours of my sleep, again, on Monday night. As I mentioned before, it does this from time to time.

Very interesting on the sleep bras. I agree with Annie, but I'm very flat. However, my daughter might benefit from this.

Donkey on 10/21/2020:
When I had my one and only migraine, I would not have described it as cement in the brain, but it was quite unbearable.

Jacky82020 on 10/21/2020:
You burned 5600 Cals cleaning? How many hours did that take?

Horn_of_plenty on 10/21/2020:
oh gosh! so sorry that you were in the hospital...those bills are messy but i'm glad you are OK!

innerpeace on 10/21/2020:
I get migraines...so bad sometimes I have to get a toradol shot. I haven't had a bad one in quite some time after taking aimivig for awhile. Aura, nausea, photophobia, it's all horrible.

legcramps on 10/21/2020:
Oh, you've had a time, haven't you? Sorry to hear all that's been happening. Glad you are feeling better though, and you're right - it beats dying of meningitis! Yikes!

I've never had a migraine like that, I feel for you.

happy-1 - Friday Oct 16, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

REM sleep... about 50 I think.

Headache turned out to be an inner ear problem in both ears, one burst eardrum. Inconvenient, a little painful... But I sure want to run around the house yowling and pacing. I sure hope I didn't put my cat down over an ear infection. Antibiotic drops for me. A call into the vet to find out if it could be zootropic, how I clean up, and if I am carrying it how long before I can go to someone's house who has cats.

Hard day.

Dad actually manned up and called the caregiver agency to come take him to the post office and the grocery store. Good job. 

Later, he hurt his arm, bumped into stuff, etc. I realized he had gone on an outing and I hadn't snuck his oxygen on him while he was asleep because I was trying to get my ear handled. Poor old man.

I did notice him wearing the adaptive slippers I bought him!


Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/16/2020:
I had lots of ear infections as a kid and even had an eardrum burst. But it healed.

Good for your dad knowing he needed helped and asking for it.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/16/2020:
I hope your ear heals soon :)

it's good some help for dad is coming soon <3

thinkpositive on 10/16/2020:
Sorry about your ear infections. I remember as a child, my mother taking me to the doctor with an earache. The doctor asked my mother why she hadn’t brought me in earlier. It was painful.

Donkey on 10/17/2020:
Oh that ear thing doesn't sound good :-( Yikes, on top of everything else to deal with.

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 14, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

1h REM

A little tired. Short on total sleep. Brain feels like it got whacked with a croquet mallet. Gave myself a quiet recovery day. I had a lot of things on my to do list and did a couple of them. 

On track with eating. Meal delivery was the best choice I made in a long time. It's keeping me steady through tough times. Got a little daylight. Just took a chair and my laptop outside for a little bit.

My groundbreaking experiment today was to try an ADHD coworking session. It was really good. I didn't have things setup to do it effectively, but next time I will. I would definitely pay to do this once or twice a week. If it isn't expensive.

It feels weird and sad to be here without a cat. It is all I can do to not run out to the shelter tomorrow and ask them for the most obnoxious, bossy, and demanding tom cat they have.

At the very least I need to deep clean the house and everything my cat had to not infect the next cat. Also, I really shouldn't get another pet till I take my dog for a final adventure. Plus I might need to do a cross country drive and back...

But oh that purr... And the little daily aggravations that snap you out of the doldrums.

Cats can go on road trips, right?


Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/15/2020:
Of all 8 cats I've had, only 2 could tolerate car trips. Most of mine are miserable and puke or pee or both, even on short trips. So I say, if you have a road trip planned, make other arrangements for the cat.

But I understand the want for another cat. I do. However, I agree with ALL of your reasons for holding off for now.

Tuesday night, my Fitbit didn't record 4 hours of my sleep, for some reason. Perhaps I was abducted by aliens. But my point is that an hour of REM is nothing to sneeze at :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 10/15/2020:
yes, meal delivery i do sometimes...it feels good to cook new things...and have that variety...and have it organized already into an easy prep style!

will you give some thought to getting another cat? one day (far future, not now at all), i'm getting myself a dog!!!! 5-10 years and i'll have my own, hopefully. :)

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 13, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

0:59 REM sleep

Did the hard thing today and put my cat down.

When I woke up and let him out of his bathroom, his face was covered in black stuff and it was crusted around his nose and eyes, which had also filmed over. He was wheezing and stumbling. He still wouldn't eat. And he was pacing and yowling. It was breaking my heart. So I did it. I had my dad and my dog say their goodbyes. I think my dog knew what was up. My cat and I said our goodbyes in the car, then we waited outside the vet office. I didn't want to keep him in the carrier so I held him. I didn't expect that they would let me in with him during COVID-19, but they did. So I got to hold him in the vet office. He was so skinny and tiny... soft and warm... and trusting. I felt like an #######. This cat blindly trusts that I will only ever be good to him and I was there to hold him while he was being put down.

At least it was me and not a stranger.

At least it was before he really got skinny and really suffered.

At least it was professional vet services and not animal control

At least he's with my mom now and she has all her cats.

I gave him messages to take to her on the other side. He can tell her how we all are, what we have been up to, and that we miss her very much. I told him to tell her I will be on the lookout for a grey tabby cat with green eyes if one ever comes my way.

I want my mom and my cat.

My nose is so red and swollen, I should be making balloon animals at a toddler birthday party. The bags under my eyes are so big, I could pack for a week. My head hurts like I got cracked with a sledgehammer.

Working very hard to stay the course tonight and not eat everything in sight. I won't watch Hulu or Netflix and end up in show hole and screw up my sleep. I want a real life.

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/14/2020:
I'm so sorry about your cat. :(

happy-1 on 10/14/2020:
TY. Maybe I'm making too big a deal over this, but there's something about making decisions for a vulnerable person (human, canine, or feline) that is just wrenching.

Donkey on 10/14/2020:
(((hugs))) Oh I'm so sorry :-( But I'm glad you were with him at the end. Now he is part of something much larger.

happy-1 on 10/14/2020:
Ty. And he's with my mom. She has all her cats with her now. And she'll get all the news on how we are doing.

grannyannie on 10/14/2020:
Having to put down a pet is a big deal - it's very difficult. Hugs.

happy-1 on 10/14/2020:

Horn_of_plenty on 10/14/2020:
I'm a person that sides with making the best decision for both you and the cat. and that an animal shouldn't suffer. so, i think you made the best choice you could. it's never easy, but your cat will not be suffering anymore.

i send you hugs and strength. i understand how you are so upset and grieving for both cat and your mom <3

happy-1 on 10/14/2020:
Hugs. Ty. Augh.

happy-1 - Monday Oct 12, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

53 min REM sleep. That's 3 days in a row of "more than I've had, not as much as I need... but still a big improvement". If this continues, maybe I will dig myself out of this mess. My friend called tonight and wanted me to leave and come crash on her couch. See if I do better away from home. I would like that, but I don't know what I would do with the pets... and I don't want to be under scrutiny. I need a vacation somewhere with a cold, dark, quiet hotel room I can crawl into and sleep/eat for days. Maybe a pool. Except in COVID-19 that is a challenging proposition.

Old tom cat update... Not treatable. Super aggressive cancer. This is what I get for asking the volunteer at the adoption event for the oldest cat they had... one that wouldn't last very long. At the time I thought it was genius... Mom was on hospice and a scarecrow. A cat would make her happy. Something we could do together and think about other than that she was dying. I never wanted a cat (cat box, destructive, fleas, can't go on adventures) and was literally only doing it because she was on her death bed... I figured that a half dead cat would get a family before his send off. Everybody wins.

But now... Augh. The soft furry body I cuddle at night. The primal satisfaction of a purr. That last link to my mom. A cat we rescued together. A soft, furry, squishable jerk that I can hug and know he misses her too... 

Not feeling completely alone is hard to lose.

And I can't shake that my mom felt that cats were linked to the other side. So if I give him a hug he sends it on to her.

Trying palliative/steroids for 8 days to see if he starts eating, settles a bit, and yowls less. It's not like we expect him to do much. He can be 75% dead and still be a perfectly good cat. Like Max said in the Princess Bride "There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead."

He does seem to enjoy lounging on the new kitchen floor. That would make my mom so happy.


  • Errands
  • Tracking down care for cat


  • Dad canceled caregiver for tomorrow and I got upset. I'm on strike. If he doesn't need the caregiver agency, then he doesn't need me.
  • Not enough REM
  • Sugar too high
  • Yowling cat
  • Cat prognosis


Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/13/2020:
I am so sorry to hear about the poor kit cat.

How do those activity trackers measure REM? Stillness and low heart rate? Never did get it, but turned off sleep functions on my Fitbit, too many known errors and uncomfortable to wear in bed.

happy-1 on 10/13/2020:
It is what it is. It's just heartbreaking. Poor old man.

I find Garmin is a million times more accurate and helpful, but you can identify your REM on Fitbit. https://www.businessinsider.com/how-does-fitbit-track-sleep

I literally thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown until I put all my Garmin stats in a spreadsheet and saw the sleep data. So relieved to figure out it was a med and not me. Might be worth turning on and wearing so you have data you can go back to in the future. Try replacing the strap with a soft elastic band.


And also, REM sleep helps with weight loss


Donkey on 10/13/2020:
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I love mine immensely. I still miss my Merlin. He was the first.

happy-1 on 10/13/2020:
Merlin sounds like a fine name for a cat.

I was never a cat person but he turned me into one.

Jacky82020 on 10/13/2020:
Thanks for the links, but they won’t open for me here. Maybe I can try cutting and pasting. I keep the Fitbit on my ankle, but remove nights.

happy-1 on 10/13/2020:
You have to cut and paste. It's so that people can't post spam links. It's a hack to avoid expensive and costly user created content work for the webmaster.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/13/2020:
I do remember when you got the cat when your mom was ill :) and the cat, i remember?, made you all happy, right?

So sorry your cat is sick...Donkey also has a sick cat...do cats get sick easily? maybe you both adopted yours when they were mistreated / older?

anyways, sending you strength to deal with this current difficult situation.

happy-1 on 10/13/2020:
Yeah, I adopted an old cat on purpose. I didn't want a cat for long. F me. I got what I asked for.

innerpeace on 10/14/2020:
Sorry about your cat. I am a cat person, they are destructive at times, but that purr! I hope you can find peace in knowing your mom has her cat back!

happy-1 on 10/14/2020:
Yeah... That purr.

Today was hard without it. There is something about being aggravated that still perks you up.

happy-1 - Sunday Oct 11, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

1:24 REM sleep. Only 10 min shy of the minimum mark. It's such a difference. Yesterday I was ready to peel the inside of my skull by bedtime. Today I was all there mentally, just worn out. It's such a relief to know it does get better.

And a kitchen floor that real humans would have in their house... fantastic.

Next, the living room. 

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/12/2020:
Yay for sleep!!! It's like a godsend when you get good, quality sleep in sufficient quantities.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/12/2020:
Will you show us your new floor? i'm very happy for you.

my kitchen floor isn't top quality and it was put in approx 2.5 years ago...one of the panels is already coming up!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/12/2020:
i mean tiles, one of the floor tiles.

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 10, 2020
(Week 2 - 9/20 60 day challenge, stubborn mule)
Weight: 225.4

20 min REM Friday. 40 min today. Zombie both days. Sleeping in the living room tonight to see if I do better.

Kitchen floor is replaced. I will miss the new handyman. I would have liked to adopt him. He was the type of big, tough, smart, scrappy guy I'd have liked to end up with. Sadly he's taken.

So tired. Gave myself a rest day... no major chores other than cleaning up all the dust and washing the floor. Even that is a stretch. Listening to my fav radio show. 

Cat is yowling in my bathroom tonight. I missed the call from the vet with my cat's test results.  Vet said thyroid, kidneys, cancer, or even all 3. I don't get it. He was a fat, aggravating, obnoxious tom cat last Saturday, and Sunday everything flipped. Fingers are crossed for thyroid. $6 a month for some pills and a kitty wrestle 2x a day. With the $50 vet visit and the $220 blood panel, I would still be under $400 for vet stuff for the year and get to keep my little frenemy. If it's the other possibilities, I'm looking at euthanasia and watching my ancient dog look for her bestie every time we go for a walk and she sees a black and white cat. It will break my heart.

I know I need to put my dog down soon. Haven't because I want to take her on one last adventure... But not enough REM sleep means I barely pull off chores and a shower. Forget doing anything worthwhile.

This is what I never understood about my dad... Your health is fundamental to being able to be there for the people (or furpeople) in your life. If you are in bad health, you do everything possible to change it. You don't just throw your hands up and say "I give up!" every day for 47 years until you rot in place.

Friday I had the home quality check from the caregiver agency. She referred me to someone who can look at my project plan and help me figure things out.

Progress as of today: 91.6 lbs lost so far, only 65.4 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 10/11/2020:
Tell me about REM? I keep track of my sleep through my Fitbit but never knew how many minutes of REM that I should have.

Donkey on 10/11/2020:
That's the thing about cats, their health can turn in a second. That's what happened with Baby Kitty. She was at the vet for her annual exam, and the following week started her fungal infection. A month later, she's knocking on death's door.

The last cat we lost was to kidney failure. We waited a day too late to put her down. Her last day was so miserable for her, but I had to work.

Good point about your dad's attitude on his health. I never got that either. Up until the end, my stepfather worked an unpleasant diet, to get himself as much time on this earth. Had he not, his time would have been much shorter.

I'm glad the kitchen floor is done. And that the agency will help you with your project as well.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/11/2020:
not that one cat can ever replace another, but, if she passes maybe you can adopt yourself a baby kitten ;)

new handyman sounds better than old handyman!

happy-1 on 10/13/2020:
I definitely see myself getting another cat when I go back to work. It's not fair to a pet to adopt it if you only have a $400 annual budget for vet care. It's got to be closer to $700 and an emergency reserve of $1000. Mom always wanted a tabby cat with big green eyes. I might keep an eye out for one... I think she wanted a girl, but I would absolutely go for another tom cat.

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