Catchup post for saturday... was wiped from dog sitting. Friday, Justokcupid dude had a no-show no-call, had to cover someone's shift and couldn't make it. Just as well. He wants a small, fluffy, white, yappy dog. Augh! No. Nothing that isn't able to hold it's own with a coyote. Not in California. Even the thought of walking a snack size dog stresses me out. Since he wasn't going to make it out, after DA I went and got a slice of pizza and then hit a new cigar bar. I had fun chatting with the guys there. I made the mistake of calling them sexy grandpas and got **** for it the rest of the night. A guy there wanted to know how old I am and I told him to shove it, more or less. Maybe next time I will bring brownies. I made the mistake of smoking one and it was vile. Two days later I still just want to scrape my mouth, lungs, and pores. Gag.
My DA share freaked everyone out on Friday. I didn't mean it to. The reading was step 5, where you confess the exact sins of your life to another person. One lady said that it was difficult to come up with her sins because she said everything is never her fault she always thinks it's someone else who did something she brought on herself and she had even been ashamed to have people visit her in her home because her place was so shabby compared to what she had had when she was married. I do't remember what oyhers said. I thought about it though and I said... well, I was raised by parents with low self-esteem and when you don't like yourself you are also super critical of other people and tear them down... and when it's your kids it becomes your inner voice... the tape that repeats each time you do anything. My problem is that I think everything is my fault and that I'm this terrible, awful person. That the only way I will be able to come up with a list of my sins is to make a list of people who aren't in my life anymore I wish were still there and figure out how I have wronged them... but that most likely it is that I am toxic... I have all these skills and lots of experience but if I am asked how I can help someone I draw a blank and say I can't help anyone... and that I think that I am a terrible person... and if someone is even a little nice to me I fall apart because I just don't know how to take it... and I went to yhat vision board event and looked through tons of magazines but couldn't find anything I wanted... and thinking all the time that I am terrible and have no direction probably is awful to be around and so my sin is that I am toxic.
You could have heard a pin drop.
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Not sure what I ate but it was probably mostly on track, except for the broccoli beef (no rice), taco chips, two protein ice creams, too many dark chocolate cherries, whole uncured multigrain frozen pizza, and other bad for me things. I did eat 2 cups of spinach though.
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!
SABOTAGE!!!!! My dad bought waffles, soda, frozen pizza, rolls, salmi, cheese, deli salads... I'll be out of the house for a week and he's going to stuff himself silly. And it's friday so he is on his usual manipulations to get us to all go to Hometown Buffet tonight at 3pm for crappy all you can eat steak. I am going to DA tonight and then meeting a dude off OKC (yes, I reactivated. Better than calling my ex from 4 years ago) so I said no and now he's all moody because he can't say it is for family togetherness it is all about him eating till he has to be rolled out to the car. This morning I woke up to the gut-twisting smell of fresh white rolls being toasted with mayo, eggs, salami and cheese and I just lost my mind and ate two of his waffles. UGH!!!!
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Also, I changed my goal weight to 206 because that is where I want to be by Dec. It feels more realistic if I see there are 19.5 lbs to go instead of 45+ pounds to go.
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Primping and preening like a girly girl instead of ignoring it today since I have a coffee date. I swear a woman would be president by now if we didn't have to do makeup, hair, jewelry, clothes and all the other crap. I put in earrings, blew dry my hair, trimmed my bangs, mani/pedied, tweezed/shaved things, makeuped, and otherwise conformed to normative social standards. I may even put on a dress and acoutremon.
I am still fat, wrinkled, and scarred on my legs, hands and feet. My skin is super vampire pale. I have under eye bags and stretch marks. My beer belly isn't any more toned than it was when I started my 60 day challenge because I fell off when my iphone got fd up. I also haven't been johnny on the spot at night with the scar treatments, eye cream, skin creams, or teeth whitening.
Looking forward to getting back on track while dog sitting this week. I will start scoring myself again.
I think I am going to save my cash rewards for sticking to my health plan for under eye surgery and laser hair removal. I don't want fake boobs. There's no way that would work out well for the zombie apocalypse.
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!
Adjusting your goal is a wonderful idea. I've thought about doing that for the weight tracker here on DD but probably won't. BUT -- that doesn't mean I can't relate, because I DO use the weight tracker on my FitBit and the goal I have on there now is unrealistic, I'm afraid. I'm just not sure WHAT my goals are any more.... which is probably why I'm stuck!
My point is that a goal is supposed to help, not overwhelm. I think you're doing great!
236.5 and steady. Aaargh. Going to have to kick it up a notch this week. After I eat this mini pizza. And clean up the patio. Going back to dog sitting on Saturday. Weirdly cranky today, and all week really. I am getting a lot done though.
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1 - 2 eggs, 2 links, sweet potato, butter, syrup
2 - a couple of bites of burned mini pizza. Karma for swiping my mom's last mini pizza.
3 - cauli rice and turkey patty
4 - lentil soup
5 - protein brownie smothered in protein ice cream. I will succeed
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!
and what about the protein brownie??? the good thing about protein sweets is that instead of only sugar and fat, they do have that protein in them making them more satisfying :)
Ok... now on to Wednesday's post. I was up too late watching tv with my mom, so I woke up too late at 10am, even though I tried to be up with my alarm at 5:30. Aaargh. According to my fitness challenge, I've been off-track for at least 3 weeks. What a waste of life and time. I can't believe something as simple as needing to fix my iphone has taken 3 weeks of health activities away from me... and I still haven't resolved the photos thing! Aaargh.
Tried to make strides back by at least putting meals for today into a smaller cooler I can take with me. I deeply wish I had 15 reusable 3 cup ziploc bags, but that will have to wait till I am working because they are expensive.
Today, I will timebox 3 hours for finishing cleaning up the living room, dining room, and patio so I come back to a clean house. Then I will stop whatever I am doing to go to the cigar bar and work on personal papers till 11pm since I will be up anyway.
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1 - sugary coffee packet and plain coffee packet
2 - 2 eggs, 2 chicken sausage links. I should go have 2 cups of broccoli too but not feeling it.
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!
Planning meals is definitely one of the most effective things for keeping myself on track. If I've already got something prepped, I'm not as tempted to just grab something while I'm driving around.
I'm so disappointed in fast food lately I actually prefer pulling something out of my cooler now. I have a bunch of spare/misc camping utensils from my years of replacing gear in mess kits so I don't even have to wash stuff in between.
at mine, i could probably even eat there and not get in trouble lol...
i have so many libraries by me, i'd probably end up switching off between them.
i used to eat shirataki but then they leave be very bloated and impacted for like 2-3 days after i have them...so i find i cannot eat them and work...and even if i eat them on the weekend, but monday things may not have time to sort out :(
anyways, i'm Sooooo in the mood for thai...haven't had good Thai food in MONTHS!
Quick catchup post for Tuesday. Was super out of it yesterday plus procrastinating on signing the new lease on my storage unit... just couldn't get my head around signing it... so I procrastinated by straightening up all the stuff that got out of order when I went through the first aid stuff. I also went through my toiletries and tossed some for hazmat collection, organized others, and set some little free gift with cosmetic purchase treats I'd been saving aside for the nice female soldier who responded to one of my 2 easter "any female soldier (preferred), guy ok" care packages (only because I'd like a pen pal and I have really nothing to say to some 18yo dude but a female soldier would be fun to correspond with, and I was certain to say that although I am single, I hadn't met the right guy yet so she'd know I'm straight and not get any hopes about a new gf back home). She sounds super young, has cats, a husband and an infant stepson (hopes for some of her own), and works help desk at her base in I think Afghanistan. She says she likes going camping and looks forward to starting that up when she gets home and her son is old enough. I really liked her letter and was so inspired that when I went shopping at Daiso (they always seen to have good solutions for organizing and cheap), I picked up some cat-themed school supplies (pouch, decor tape, pens, and bookmarks). I'll look for some cat-themed cards and stamps to go with them when I go to Dollar Tree this week.
I don't do much shopping right now, but I needed a Mother's Day gift for my mom since I'm not planning on going out much while dog sitting next week. I got her a nice lounge nightgown in navy with discreet pink flamingos. It took several stores and two malls to find one that isn't hideous and I got over 15,000 steps in! Unfortunately I also did this in heeled sandals and have a giant blister on my heel. Ow!!!! Out of second skin patches so I guess I go back out again to shop some more. At least I can say I got a workout in!
Food today was off-plan. I had 1.5 jack's supreme pizzas. I didn't eat enough protein and vegetBles, mostly because I haven't packed up meals for the week... I don't have enough cooler space for the tupperware. I have to do it Saturday when I get to dog sitting and pack meals when I get there as I take stuff out of the cooler.
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!
Way off on diet. Way off on sleep. Need to re-center.
Got into a friction with my mom because she was out watching tv with me and she put a greasy paper plate from her rotisserie chicken and coleslaw on top of my $4000 laptop and homework and I ****ed about it because she is never careful about my work bag and sits on it and breaks things and my bluetooth headphones are cracked and none of the ports on the right side of my laptop work. I was saying that if I had done that with any of her stuff it would be all out war, and she kicked me. It was a nudge but I did a light kick back and said don't kick me. She kicked back harder and it was clear that it was going to escalate and I said stop. This isn't funny. This is really upsetting. No kicking, no hitting, no whacking me with things. No angry touching of any kind. I don't like that and it escalates. I find this very upsetting and I need to leave now and go someplace else for a while until I feel better. I am too upset right now and I can't deal. She said why does this upset you? I said we've talked about this before and if you don't understand why, that's even more upsetting. (She got into violent all out fist fights with her mom and although she didn't do it when I was a kid, now that I am back in the house as an adult she gets physical. I'm worried she will fall or hurt herself and then I'll get charged with elder abuse.) I couldn't be in the house without it escalating, but I'm not dressed to go anywhere... in old trail shorts with the hem falling out that are pilling and a tank top... so I just came out to the driveway and am sitting in my car till I feel better.
I think I have a new policy that anything I can't wear in public also goes into the bag of old clothes and I always need to be dressed to leave the house. Too bad. This is really comfortable for chores.
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1 - nutrigrain bar, sugary instant coffee
2 - 1/3 porkchop, 1/2 sweet potato
3 - 1/3 porkchop, 1/2 sweet potato
4 - nutrigrain bar, sugary instant coffee
5 - part of a rotissserie chicken, coleslaw
6 - mini pizza
7 - two blueberry waffles and a kellog quiche with butter and syrup.
8 - chicken ramen
Geez I pigged out today.
Several cups of water wit mio stevia punch flavor
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 19.5 lbs to go!
I liked your lesson about being dressed to be able to step out of the house at any time. I tend to hold onto clothes that are ripped, stained, ill-fitting -- just because they are in my comfort zone.
Forgive and forget about the food. Not too bad except maybe for the 8 ramen. Is that your comfort food? It is for my daughter, so I get it 100%.
I called her out on it because it's super weird that she's started it up the past couple of years out of nowhere. I don't want it to develop into anything more than it is now. Dementia will suck.
Stayed up till 4am last night but finished going through my first aid supplies, figuring out what I need to add, and repacking. I still need to work on it now, but at least I have a small base camp first aid hit I can grab and go with. Still need to add some stuff and Staggered out of bed at 7:30 but at least I got up on time to start reworking back to my schedule. Grrr! Get after it!
Today I should... grab my laptop and go to starbucks. I got nothing done most of last week or this past weekend. Super behind.
Dog is acting normal, just super tired. I think. She ate, she poops... no vet needed yet I think.
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Someone needs to explain dogs for me. She wouldn't eat her glucosamine treats so I popped them down her little throat... she gets all stiff when she skips them... and now she's my best friend again and ate the chicken and sweet potato dinner I made that she's been turning down for days. Dogs. So weird.
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!
you are always so organized with the first aid supplies!
My dog had what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown last night... I had taken a sleeping pill and was out cold at 1am when she started sitting on my head... all 50lbs of her. I thought she had to pee so I took her out back... but no... still freaked out. Thing was she wanted to dig into their couch to find a place to hide and I didn't want her to wreck their couch so I stuck her in her crate. At that point my super calm (practically a walking stuffed animal) dog just flipped out and started shredding her crate pad and blanket to smithereens.It was like being away from home with a 62lb bulldog puppy (think hyperactive cannonball with a woodchipper attachment for teeth and claws that nail you in punches with big fat feet) and being put in the bathroom for isolation and to be fed, and NOT being allowed under the house where there might be critters to chomp... was all too much for her. I was like maybe there's someone here... so I went and got a kitchen knife and bear spray and turned on all the lights. Then I realized I was under too much of a sedative to do much about anything and went back to sleep on the couch. I think I heard gravel disturbed while I was laying there. I have no idea how long my dog was flipping out for in her crate but at some point I went and got her leftover tramadol from her dental work and shoved one in her and she chilled out. Decided to put off camping a couple of days and take her home for observation and have easy access to a vet if she needs it. Setting up a tent I'd have to tear down fast and repack into my car to then rush my old dog to a vet sounded like too much work.
So I am home, channeling my frustration into repacking my toiletry kit, personal first aid kit, and base camp first aid kit, all of which are in sorry shape after being used and abused this year... Plus apparently some pills should have been packed into nalgalene bottles because they crumble. I was on the last of almost everything, since I didn't check it. I haven't needed my personal first aid kit as much now that my diet is cleaner... I have all these pepcid acs, tums, pepto, cold meds, anti-itch/rash, allergy, pain/inflamation meds that I haven't had to use in forever. I am nearly out of arnica, neosporin, and band aids though! All this exercise and I'm taking a beating hard. Time to stock up next costco trip I suppose! Expensive.
Asked UDG what I should pack and he sent me to skinnymedic.com. I'm not sure what I am supposed to do with that... It all looks like stuff you need medical training for. I wouldn't mind taking an EMT class, but omg that's a lot to buy. Poking around on the web I'm finding some good ideas though... like a thermometer strip that probably survives in a backpack. But like I'm looking for a checklist of what I should have that is slightly more than I would take backpacking... And it's frustrating because the online articles list things like "tylenol, ibuprophen, etc" but don't get into how much you should have and if they list a Diva Cup, they never include things like vinegar or non-scented soap. OR they list a tourniquet in the same section as deodorant???? And no airborne, zicam or nyquil?
UGH! NOBODY PACKS THAT WAY
Would love to now what you guys put in your first aid kits!
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWJkLV5Rd_Q
Good to be back on schedule. Went to bed about 10 ish and woke up about 6ish. Yay!!!!!
Dogs are up to their usual. The bulldog puppy wants to get close to my dog and she lets him know that that's not ok with a flash of her big white teeth... so I shut her in the bathroom tillI I am showered and fully awake.
Their microwave is weird and I can't get it to cook my oats without curdling the protein powder... so I'm a little out of sorts. They have SO MUCH junk food. How do they have perfect, hard, sculpted bodies at 50 and 57? It's all packaged food with bad stuff in it and then workout shakes and supplements. Glad I meal prepped and packed healthy meals.
Class today. Have to drive all the way back home to pick up my projector and drop my dog, drive to class, then drive back up again. Then drive home in the morning.
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!
Keep on .
At age 50/57 they have been working out a lot and learned a lot about eating and what to do to maintain their physique....
Day 2 of dog sitting. The dogs have gotten used to each other and are just chilling near each other. My dog actually even ate today. Normally she won't eat until we get home. I stayed up all night wed so I could leave to drive up at 4 am to be here by 6:30 and get the key so I wouldn't bother the neighbors. Then just crashed when I got here. Ended up sleeping most of the day yesterday and woke up at 6 on my own today. And fully functional! Nothing hurts, my brain works, and I might even manage to get a workout in this afternoon.
---- - 1/2 a bottle of coffee w added sugar. - Power oatmeal, water - Pedialyte (dehydrated) - 1/3 of a porkchop, 1/2 cup sweet potato, 4 cups spinach, butter, 1 cup lentil soup extra salt - breakfast for dinner- paleo pancakes, 2 eggs, 2 sausages. Maple syrup. Stevia orange punch. - 1/3 of a dark chocolate bar - yogurt, granola, berries
Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!
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Personally I think you could hear a pin drop because they were listening...and processing....you reached them. Are you an only child by chance? I am...and I think that makes life even more difficult for a kid....
Yes. Only child of an only child with no relatives in the area.