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happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 12, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Random blessings... Landlord mysteriously chose to fix concrete where my mom's wheelchair ramp ends and replaced our broken screen door. Big Lots is giving me a grace day to return the carpet cleaner. Social worker was kind to my mom.

For my mom today, I was there for her in general and got her bed trapeze setup swapped out to a better position. I also brought her a Jamba Juice shake and found her glasses.

For my dad today, I moved some paperwork along and also advocated for him to be moved into the queue for PT and a nutritionist.

For my dog today, I moved her beds around and now she can get in and out of my bed on her own by using one of them as a stair. I like it when my dog joins me all on her own. She's a senior dog and I think snuggles take effort.

For my guy today, I said yes to a date and ordered his birthday present... one of them at least. A leather keychain with an inscription. I'm looking at passes to a horror convention near us in August. I finally have someone to go to haunted houses and watch scary movies with.

For myself today, I checked my hormone panel results. Kids are pretty much out of the picture. At least I know. 

Before today ends, I will go to the post office and to yoga.

Mantra for tomorrow: I will get stronger and things will seem easier.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 06/12/2019:
You have a lot going on but are doing an outstanding job of getting through it each day. So proud of you. Glad you are taking good care of you, too.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/13/2019:
Wow, great post!!!! There's a lot of happiness here and success with getting things done :) Proud of you!

Donkey on 06/13/2019:
Many blessings here. They add up, don't they? I am proud of you as well!!

happy-1 on 06/14/2019:
Hugs, ty. If you are proud of me, then that is a huge accomplishment because your respect is a worthwhile thing to have.

legcramps on 06/13/2019:
Oh man, I would love to go to that horror convention! That's right up my alley :)

happy-1 on 06/14/2019:
Riiiiight????? OMG. I love that stuff. I can't wait to see "The Dead Don't Die".

happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 11, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3


Today I cleaned the carpets and did follow up calls for my mom and got her PT eval moved 2 days earlier. I wanted to take my parents to the grocery store, but neck is killing me and I needed to go to yoga. I did the shopping for them as best I could. Dad flipped out because he didn't like the sodium-free soda I bought him, so I left immediately and got some dinner. A salmon kale salad to go with my return to yoga. I went to the 99cent store after and discovered they had Lara Bar Kid stuff for $1. I stocked up. 

Doing my best, every day for no regrets.



I binged on the new snack bars. I think I ate a box worth. Augh



Peace begins with me.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/12/2019:
I'm glad you are doing yoga and keeping on with your healthy routine. I would be trying to that too if I were in your place.

Dad seems to flip out often...you keep on. and don't let it upset you. you keep being you and if it's not to dad's liking...well...you tried.

those snack bars are tasty indeed.

happy-1 on 06/12/2019:
One foot in front of the other... As the meme wisdom of the internet promises, I choose where I will be in 30 days.

Dad flips out every 20 min or so. I just try to ignore it... like static on a radio station from very far away.

They are too good! I had too many last night because they were new and delicious. I will eventually get bored with them though and eat fewer of them. They are less processed than the Lenny and Larry's cookies and at least a little bit like a nicotine patch so I don't dive into mom's treats..

happy-1 - Monday Jun 10, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

One foot in front of the other.

For myself, I am doing a good job of picking ok meals, avoiding temptation, and testing before I eat.

For my mom, I went to the cancer networking meeting she wanted to attend on her behalf. 

For my dog, I removed my dad's oxygen machine from my room so it is less hot (she gets locked away when our nurse is over) and worked on moving it to a separate room. I also put the dog gate back so the door doesn't have to be closed and freshened up her bed.  

For my dad... Making up a chicken breast with peas, carrots and rice.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/12/2019:
Lots of good things going on in your entry, Happy! :) Good job taking care of things for your family - and yourself <3

Donkey on 06/12/2019:
Incredibly positive post! Victorious - even if it might not feel that way. You did good.

legcramps on 06/12/2019:
Well done, happy :) one step at a time.

innerpeace on 06/12/2019:
Always do for yourself! Have a great day.

happy-1 - Sunday Jun 09, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Mom's home from the hospital! 3 days of observation. No surgery this time, just a different kind of bandage. Everyone is exhausted. I've been fully dressed for 3+h to go grocery shopping and have not yet left my house. I just go in search of whatever we have that resembles junk food (rice krispies, grilled cheese sandwiches) and then flop back over to watch more Archer.

I really want to order chinese food, but dad can't have the sodium. I miss takeout terribly.

I have pants. My outfit is great. I CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE.

After one more episode.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/09/2019:
Yay!!!!! Wonderful news!!!

Maybe just chill out with Archer. It's been a full day, a stressful week (plus). Maybe groceries can wait?

happy-1 on 06/10/2019:
Yeah and if I submit an online sams club order I can just pick them up.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
Archer! i don't remember it that much but i am sure it's funny!?

hey, i am sure you needed the downtime after all those times and stress at the hospital. i'm glad you are all back home and doing better.

too bad there wasn't more food i guess in your house that was healthy? i am sure you just wanted to be home! :) xoxo

happy-1 on 06/10/2019:
All seasons are streaming on Hulu. Hilarious and addictive. Kickboxer got me hooked and I need to catch up to the current season :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
PS- i love takeout too!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/10/2019:
i'm going to look on Amazon Prime for Archer :)

happy-1 - Saturday Jun 08, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

On a recommendation from a therapy intern, I brought a bunch of old photos to the hospital yesterday. Mom perked up, sat up (all on her own) and partcipated in life. She even ate and did her PT. She's getting discharged today.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 06/08/2019:
Oh...that is great!!! I'm sure she is happy to be going home too!

BearCountryGG on 06/08/2019:
That was a good idea with the photos....reminds all of you of easier times......Good Job Happy!!

Donkey on 06/09/2019:
The photos were a great idea! Is Mom home now? You continue to be in my thoughts...

Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
yayyy! i am glad your mom is doing better and can go home!

happy-1 - Thursday Jun 06, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Another day in the hospital. Doing what I can to take care of myself here. I am putting one foot in front of the other a little bit every day. Went and got a healthy low carb breakfast and coffee. Asked at the front desk about the rumor that there are free yoga classes here last night. At least I am sleeping well.

I'm pretty sure the nurses think I'm nuts. I'm camped out here like I'm homeless. I brought in a cooler, a camp bed, a clothesline, and my gym bag. Mom's clothes to go home in are handwashed and drying in the bathroom. I eat, sleep, shower, and work on my laptop here. I make runs for supplies, to go to my own doctor's appointments (have stopped canceling them, I just need to go no matter what else is going on), and to check on my dad and my dog.

It's not going perfectly though. Today I missed a doctor who also didn't enter any notes so I can't catch up until they are entered. Mom keeps asking me to help her turn over and is angry if I don't get her into the perfect position straight off. Even with ear plugs in, I find the whole hospital environment mentally taxing and physically exhausting.

I am making some strides on getting myself in order. Yesterday I figured out the puzzle of the latest iphone update that wouldn't install and figured out how to get my todo list app to work with my Google calendar.

Hopefully I can make it to the free therapist and support group tonight. The support group is the only place I can go to socialize. Everyone there has something going on. 

Hope floats.



Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 06/06/2019:
It sounds like you are making the best of a difficult situation....((HUGS))...

happy-1 on 06/07/2019:
Hugs! Thank you. If you say I am making the best of a difficult situation, I definitely am.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/07/2019:
It is a difficult situation at BCGG said, i'm glad you are able to also meet many of your needs.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/08/2019:
Sending you many virtual hugs ! !!!!

happy-1 on 06/09/2019:
Thank you for the hugs!

Donkey on 06/08/2019:
Thinking of you... Hospitals are indeed stressful. Noisy, lights, people everywhere, different smells...

Is your dad able to visit your mom?

happy-1 on 06/08/2019:
The amount of work it is to take my dad anywhere makes it impossible until I get back to yoga. My neck can't take the whole trip. He just requires too much equipment and he's carrying 150 extra pounds... I'm not as strong as I was in January.

It's a stressful environment, but less stressful than home. I just feel more tired here because I am getting to relax.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 05, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Week is blown up... had to take mom to the ER yesterday. After 9h there she was admitted and  is having a procedure done today to fix her brand new catheter. This is one of the less scary episodes but the whole journey is terrifying overall. She’s in the muscle wasting stage and her instructions are no feeding tubes or other artificial means of support. I’m really glad to be on here and have read the 4 Agreements because I have been doing my best every day since then and it makes it a lot easier to support my mom. I don’t have to save her or give her more time. I just have to do my best everyday to support her.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/05/2019:
Wishing your mom comfort as she rides through this difficult phase. Stay strong Happy. I for one am in support of her choice of no feeding tubes. that's not a way to live, with a feeding tube.

happy-1 on 06/06/2019:
TY. Hugs. Going to be hard to watch though.

Donkey on 06/06/2019:
(((hugs))) ER visits suck. 9 hours???? That's really rough. I'm so sorry.

When do they say your mom can go home?

I'm glad to hear that the 4 Agreements are helping you in this situation.

happy-1 on 06/07/2019:
Saturday, if she doesn’t go to a nursing facility for rehab. I think she’s got about a month left. I can’t handle the prospect of being stuck alone with my dad. He won’t pay for care for her and is just running me into the ground.

BearCountryGG on 06/06/2019:
I'm hoping that your Mom and yourself and Dad are finding peace in the decisions your Mom is making.....My dad went on hospice and while it was hard on all of us...the acceptance did help us deal with things better. ((Hugs))

happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 04, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Did not get up and go to yoga today. Slept a ton of hours and woke up without the stomach bug, but got caught up in the gauntlet.

Binge ate yesterday. Stress and unhappiness and a little drama with my boyfriend being snappy. We're in a weird spot. Going into month 8, but we don't really talk much anymore. I've met his mom but none of his friends. He doesn't ever brng up future long term plans... but texts me everyday and works hard to be in my life, accepts my stress level, and is pretty suppportive while I go through a really rough part of my life. So... Weird, right? Trying to not overthink and enjoy it.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/04/2019:
It really do be like that sometimes... I'm sorry, keep moving forward.

happy-1 on 06/04/2019:
Hugs, ty

Horn_of_plenty on 06/04/2019:
is your bf more of a one-on-one guy? does it get along best just one on one? otherwise, at least it's really nice he's rooting for you at this tough time :)

happy-1 on 06/04/2019:
Yeah, I'm pretty lucky!

happy-1 - Monday Jun 03, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3


It's been a bumpy road. Mom had a conversation with a home health nurse about switching to hospice today. Dad stilll refuses to pay for care. Today was supposed to be the start of me just leaving and going to yoga in the AM and not enabling that, but I woke up with a stomach bug. 

One foot in front of the other. At least weight is closer to plateau and A1C is down a little. Started logging calories in Cronometer again


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 06/03/2019:
One day at a time...hang in there, Friend.

happy-1 on 06/03/2019:
TY. Big hugs.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/04/2019:
Well it's good to hear that you are taking care of your health :-)

Hopefully everyone will be on the same page regarding your mom soon :)

Donkey on 06/04/2019:
So good to hear from you, although I'm sorry to hear how difficult things have been and that your tummy was sick on top of it all. I hope you will be able to get out to yoga soon.

The hospice conversation can be a difficult one. I remember when my folks had that discussion for my step-father. As my mom explained it, it's a different approach to the care, focusing more on pain management and comfort. It was a feat comfort to them, but I think especially to my mom. She was able to get more help caring for papa, then...

happy-1 - Sunday May 12, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Missed yoga due to neck pain. Tried to get a haircut but it was too painful when she ran a comb through my hair  so I will try again on Thursday.  Instead, I went to a discount store and bought a bigger gym bag. I dunno if it makes logical sense to buy a gym bag because you missed yoga and your neck really hurts and your parents are dying and suffering a lot... but that’s what I did.

Part of the family fights from the last couple of days have been resolved by my parents agreeing to prepay for grocery requests and give me a $100 a week stipend towards other things like meds and groceries. I’ve been paying for all their incidental expenses and getting reimbursed for some but can’t anticipate my budget so this really helps me absorb it. Especially when I get asked to buy extras I don’t want to spend money on like $200 a week habits for juice and frozen dinners... yeah I was shocked at that much for Lean Cuisines too... but at 6 meals a day, 7 days a week... yep. $200.

So much to clean... work was never this much work ... but look at my awesome new gym bag... don’t you feel like going to the gym just looking at it?

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/12/2019:
Nice bag!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2019:
Yes, it is a very nice gym bag indeed ;)

I'm glad you are sorting the budget more & starting to focus more on yourself too xo

Donkey on 05/13/2019:
Love the bag!!!

Maria7 on 05/13/2019:
It's gorgeous! Happy you are getting things settled and less to stress about. Good for you!

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