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happy-1 - Thursday Jun 18, 2020
(Just try to get back on habit and prioritize self)
Weight: 229.8

Sucking it up, buttercup.

This AM, I got myself to eat 2 healthy meals, talked to therapist, then showered, tried on 10 outfits, and finally sucked it up to see the Ex-ish. Tried to go to the nature center... There were too many people there... He latched onto that instead, we should go to my storage unit and get the furniture that is supposed to make my life so much better. We got the furniture, didn't argue too much. It wasn't the fun day out I had hoped for... but at least I can get my dad's desk into his room where there is air conditioning and out of the living room so that I can stop stressing about opening my bedroom door to get something to eat or let my dog out. Get a little bit more done every day. Turn stuff around.

Good to tear off the band aid on seeing the Ex-ish again. I didn't get to see his brother's dog this time. She's such a great dog. I was really looking forward to that. Woof.

He lives in the next county over... Which was... Normal. It was so weird to not see boarded up stores, shot up stop signs, firecracker residue, clean streets, and no lines at the grocery stores. People had on masks, but otherwise... Normal.

It's 6:15pm. Everything hurts and I am worn out. I need to cook dinner for the pets... and Dad. Mostly the pets. Mom's legacy to me. Before I lived here, my dog was perfectly happy with my weekly slow cooker doggie dinner of beef, rice, and veggies. Then my mom spoiled her and she demands a home cooked meal every night. The cat got used to that really fast and has forgotten that he was once a stray alley dweller grateful for dry kibble. Now as soon as Alexa starts playing my radio show at night, the cat, the dog, and my dad all start staring at me and asking what is for dinner.

Thanks, Mom. We'll talk about this when I see you on the other side.

Calgon take me away.


B1: almond milk, instant espresso... goes to the 80'%

B2: 2 eggs, spinach, bean mix, enchilada sauce, avocado. Working on the other 80%

L: Chicken salad... had I known it would be fried chicken I would have ordered something else, but... now I know. Is this 80% or the 20%? If I ordered it thinking I was getting something healthy but ate it anyway when I saw that it wasn't? But in COVID-19, didn't want to ask them to remake it??? I'm counting this toward the 80% because I thought a cobb salad would be ok.

Snack: 4 mini ice cream sandwiches. Emotional overwhem from recovering from seeing the Ex-ish. Definitely the 20%

D: 2 cups of veggie-packed extra spicy turkey chili which I made for myself for the week, even though dad will hate it, not eat any, and be mad at me for making something he doesn't like even though there is a freezer full of meals I have made for him. Suck it up, buttercup.

Snack:Kombucha, 4 pcs raisin toast w cream cheese, 4 ice cream bars


Progress as of today: 87.2 lbs lost so far, only 69.8 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/18/2020:
Looking really good happy. I may start buying the instant coffee mix myself, instead of the already made cold coffee...it'd safe me a lot of money.

happy-1 on 06/18/2020:
Or just have it on hand when you run out. This Cafe Bustelo instant espresso is surprisingly decent. Nothing is ever as good as real coffee, but I don't mind this stirred directly into almond milk to start my day.

happy-1 on 06/18/2020:
I mean, not as good as the Starbucks Via packets, but a billion times better than Folgers.

bearcountrygg on 06/18/2020:
I just opened a jar of instant coffee too......not bad!

happy-1 on 06/18/2020:
What brand?

Donkey on 06/19/2020:
Good to know about the Cafe Bustelo instant coffee. Brand matters 100% when choosing instant. Stay away from generic. Folgers is kind of bitter. I lined Tasters Choice but I don't know if they sell that any more.

I may give the Bustelo a try.

Donkey on 06/19/2020:
Also, regarding a previous post about seeing yourself on a Zoom meeting: saw the back of my legs during Zoom yoga last night... horrifying.

happy-1 on 06/19/2020:
Ha ha ha ha... you need harem pants. I can testify that these are amazing, stay in place, and hide whatever needs to be hidden. Get your OM on Women's Super Soft Modal Spandex Harem Yoga Pilates Capri Pants,Large,Black


bearcountrygg on 06/19/2020:
I think mine is a store brand...nothing special...but not a name brand.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/19/2020:
yeah i've heard good things about Bustelo

the instant is made in a special process of like freeze drying or something i think...maybe better to use at home.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 17, 2020
(Just try to get back on habit and prioritize self)
Weight: 229.8

Today Dad went out with the caregiver and I got the bathroom to myself for an hour. I did another round of getting the black dye out of my hair (4 down, 9 more to go) and got to exfoliate. I feel almost human. Next step is a home manicure and pedicure. Try to at least look like I have tried to maintain myself during quarantine instead of sit around and eat junk food.

So when dad said, "Hey do you wanna get a pizza?" I almost went for it... Then I realized I've had pizza 2x in the last 2 days because I looked at it here... and I instantly thought... No. Maybe not. Then I ate leftover mac and cheese and had another ice cream sandwich... So I said screw it... ordered a salad that was too expensive from the lebanese place next door and went and picked up a pizza for him. He is having pizza and I am eating my first real dose of veggies since quarantine started.

Then I had some of his pizza... sigh.


Seeing the Ex-ish tomorrow for the first time since quarantine started. It's been too long, I look terrible, and I'm not in good enough shape to do anything. Still getting up to go see him anyway. I can do this.


B: Almond milk, espresso

L: Chicken thigh, seltzer 

Snack: Grapefruit, seltzer

Snack: 2 ice cream sandwiches

Snack: Mac n cheese, 1 ice cream sandwich... maybe I should have done the pizza.

Dinner: Chicken kale salad... and pizza. Seltzer 

Extra late night snacks: 2 more ice cream sandwiches  

Progress as of today: 87.2 lbs lost so far, only 69.8 lbs to go!

KathyBlue on 06/18/2020:
Maybe, out of frustration on deciding not having a pizza, you got that snack in. I fully relate to that... sometimes self-restriction is painful and counter-productive. Because many times that food we denied, we keep thinking about it (obsessions) and we eat other foods to comfort for the "loss" and at the end we end up having the food because "ahh screw_it, I already had so many junk in today, I will restart tomorrow". At least this is what I feel. But hey, the exfoliation and the manicure&pedicure sound great. Take some beauty time for yourself.. :)

happy-1 on 06/18/2020:
Yeah, when I was working with the nutritionist, she said that if you are having a craving, just have the thing and scratch the itch to get over it or everything goes off plan.

Donkey on 06/18/2020:
Pizza is a hard one to resist because of the aroma, in my opinion. Plus, like KathyB said above, restriction can sometimes backfire.

I hope you have a positive encounter with the Ex.

happy-1 on 06/18/2020:
Ex-ish... in that category since November, lol. As long as I am in my current living situation, that’s really the best I can do as far as relationships go. When he and I met, I was in much better physical shape and ready to go back to work. Mom’s chemo, hospice, passing, Dad hospitalizations, recovery, cleaning out the house, sorting out business stuff, and my physical decline from not taking care of myself has me one step above a vegetative state. But hey... still one step above and I can work on that. Get back to relationship-ready.

Grannyannie on 06/18/2020:
Pizza is very hard to resist!

happy-1 on 06/18/2020:
I’ve got two pizza splurges a week in my plan, but did last night because I’ve been awful to him pushing him onto the caregiver to get out of the house so I could do another round of color remover and tie up the bathroom for an hour and a half. I definitely did not need multiple ice cream sandwiches.

bearcountrygg on 06/18/2020:
I agree with everyone above...pizza is a tough one to ignore.

happy-1 on 06/18/2020:
It’s not the pizza splurges that are the problem... it’s all the other meals that aren’t veggies, complex carbs, dairy free, and lean protein. I need to get back to 80% on plan.

happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 16, 2020
(Just try to get back on habit and prioritize self)
Weight: 229.8

Oh wow. Saw myself on Zoom video chat last night... and it's bad. I have a date Thursday with the ex-ish and I might need to chicken out. Quarantine has not been kind. I fell off makeup, hair, nails, yoga, healthy eating, and supplements.

It's all just so... shocking.

Glad to be back here.

I'm looking at my little ziploc bag of vitamins and I wonder how I ever managed to suck those down every day like it was just as easy as brushing my teeth. I know they are the fundamentals of getting my neck to feel better and my body to start moving again... But it just seems like such a big task.

Bottoms up.


Smacking myself in the face. First overcast day in weeks and I don't want to waste it. Such a relief... Why do I live in Southern California if I hate heat, sun, and dry weather?

I think I will focus on the things it is incredibly hard to do in full sun... Try the roof bag on my car, tidy up the in-progress garden, and start on replacing the kitchen linoleum. In that order.

Grr... get after it.



Up: 6:40am

Breakfast: instant mocha latte (instant espresso, almond milk, chocolate syrup), coconut cashews

Snack: was going to have grapefruit but I forgot and went out to conquer tasks.

Lunch: Got too hungry and ended up eating 1/2 a frozen pizza and a 1/2 a ginger kombucha.

Snack: Seltzer and chocolate almonds after a stressful encounter with my dad who is obsessed with getting me to put his car on my insurance and won't take no for an answer.

Dinner: DIY cheeseburger with ketchup 


Progress as of today: 87.2 lbs lost so far, only 69.8 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 06/16/2020:
I know how you feel. I was doing badly with quarantine and indulging in Doritos, beer and other snacks. Then grief eating and drinking even more alcohol. Back on track now.

happy-1 on 06/16/2020:
Pizza, chocolate, and burgers are all I want to eat. It’s like spinach is too overwhelming.

bearcountrygg on 06/16/2020:
I keep hoping that by creating new healthier habits that they will over ride the destructive ones.....it's a constant battle.....

happy-1 on 06/16/2020:
Right?????? I feel like I am always fighting against a tide of people with super unhealthy habits.

Donkey on 06/16/2020:
^I agree with the 2 ladies above. I'm a pretty plain person and an introvert - and yet I've had problems making the adjustment to the new normal. I really miss going to the library, lol...

happy-1 on 06/16/2020:
Right???? Like I can't get any downtime for my brain to recharge. There's no "alone" time to reboot. If you go see your friends you are risking catching COVID. How on earth are you supposed to make new friends and meet new people right now?

Donkey on 06/16/2020:
I'd like to add that maybe try to make changes in baby steps.

happy-1 on 06/16/2020:
Yeah. Positive changes today were just taking supplements and logging what I ate.

happy-1 - Monday Jun 15, 2020

Weight: 229.8

 Was up at 6 like a human being. Yay me.

Aphids have invaded. I armed myself today with Neem oil spray and the slaughter starts at 1600. Mom’s garden does not have enough natural attractants for me to release and retain ladybugs.

Focus today is on protecting the plants... then whatever small self care tasks I can knock out.


b: 2 eggs, cheese, veg, 2 waffles, seltzer 

l: 2/3 of a frozen pizza

snack: seltzer, chocolate coconut almonds... procrastin-eating instead of tackling important tasks

snack: seltzer and grapefruit. How did I forget how good grapefruit is?

snack: 2 blueberry waffles, 2 eggs, cheese, unsalted buter

dinner: diy cheeseburger. I will make dad one tomorrow

Progress as of today: 87.2 lbs lost so far, only 69.8 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/15/2020:
Bug season...we are fighting tent worms now...they are all over the house and everything.....Good luck with the aphids........lady bugs.......cute but taste disgusting!!!!!! We had sloppy joes for dinner one day.....as I was cleaning up the kitchen...i noticed a piece of sloppy joe meat on my top...popped it in my mouth...IT WAS NOT SLOPPY JOE MEAT...IT WAS A LADY BUG.....and it was disgusting!

happy-1 on 06/15/2020:
LOL... I will definitely not go licking them.

Supposedly they secrete a foul oil when they get scared so if you eat one, you will swear off any of their relatives.

happy-1 on 06/15/2020:
And UGH caterpillars that turn into moths that breed in your pantry goods... yuck.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2020:
Good morning Human!

I don’t like bugs either !!!

happy-1 on 06/16/2020:
Good morning sunshine!

Go forth and conquer.

grannyannie on 06/16/2020:
We get up at 6 every morning. Don't have to, but we do. Try a soapy water spray for the aphids. Our problem in our garden is slugs.

happy-1 on 06/16/2020:
It makes life so much better. I'm trying for 4 in the morning so I get moving at 6. It takes me a long time to get my brain together.

Donkey on 06/16/2020:
Aphids - ewwww!

happy-1 - Sunday Jun 14, 2020

Weight: 229.8

Hello  all. Trying to get started again. I fell off diet and fitness when Noom sent out a survey about whether or not I was happy with my goals coach. I wasn't unhappy but the survey was weirdly a deterrent from using the service and I just stopped trying on every level. Since then, I have been trying to get back on schedule and on task, despite stress and disruption of quarantine and the vicious catch-22 of not taking care of my body and then in turn not being able to take care of my body because I am to run down from not taking care of my body.

So here I am again. Still up 13 lbs from where I was when I started taking care of my mom through chemo.

My major accomplishments right now are getting rid of all but 1 of the lease violations and starting the garden for my mom I tried to do a couple of years ago but didn't get anywhere with. I am growing a bunch of stuff out there now, and I hope she can see it from wherever she is.

Goals for restart:

  1. Make changes to the house so I can take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and business-ly
  2. Get out of the house for 2h every day
  3. Start eating 2 cups of greens at every meal again
  4. Prioritize taking care of myself over taking care of my dad


B: Almond milk with instant espresso, 2 bluebery protein waffles, unsalted butter (easy breakfast after oversleeping)

L: One of the low sodium meals my dad can't chew, bbq sauce, kombucha (easy lunch after cleaning up after the cat, dog, and dad)

Snack: Coconut chocolate almonds (320 cal), seltzer, peanuts, yogurt raisins 390 (snacks while packing vitamins), seltzer

D: 3 servings mac n cheese... made for dad, was trying not to eat it but then caved when he asked if we could eat together 

Progress as of today: 87.2 lbs lost so far, only 69.8 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/14/2020:
So good to hear from you!!!! I've been wondering how you've been doing with the shelter-down restrictions.

I'm quite impressed that you are gardening. This year, I just didn't get into planting like I have in the past. Very good you!!!!

happy-1 on 06/14/2020:
Hugs! Everyone gets back on track eventually. We are lucky. Riots and looting didn't really get a foothold to spread all the way into surrounding neighborhoods. LA is a little weird... there are high-end areas sandwiched by lower income areas within a few blocks.

bearcountrygg on 06/14/2020:
HI HAPPY....I've misse you!! I was hoping that you would come back! Glad to hear about your garden....!!

happy-1 on 06/14/2020:
Hugs I missed you guys too. So far this works better than anything else

grannyannie on 06/15/2020:
Good to see you back. I fell off my diet as well. Have a friend who used Noom and lost with it but I'm not tempted to try it.

happy-1 on 06/15/2020:
Hugs. I think it works if you are also a fan of big groups. It’s not for cranky iconoclasts.

bearcountrygg on 06/15/2020:
I did try noom...and didn't like it....all of the acronyms were frustrating......and then they would flip back and fourth between that and some made up sill name for them......and with that changing daily...it was too much....I would have needed a catalogue or a dictionary or a program written out to follow along......My coach was almost nonexistant, my group fell off fast and they lumped the last couple of us with another group that was a head of us...so that didn't work either...by the time it ended.......there was 2 of us...and I was relieved to have it done...and couldn't wait to delete the program from my phone...and that was another thing...phone only...if I had been able to use the computer I think it would have been better.....got rid of that app sooo fast.

happy-1 on 06/15/2020:
Yeah I don’t use my phone that much right now

Horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2020:
hey happy! so glad to hear from you too!

looks like even though you feel run down that you are in a similar spot to when you left and that you have kept many pounds off! welcome back. i'm here for you!

happy-1 on 06/15/2020:

innerpeace on 06/15/2020:
So glad to see you back.

happy-1 on 06/15/2020:

happy-1 on 06/15/2020:

happy-1 - Saturday Feb 08, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Counting down to Valentine's Day, really missing my mom. We always did something for each other. One year she got me a special cookie. Dealing with it by sending flowers to her 2 best friends and my aunt. I got my ex-ish a custom card... I used one of those photo card services and added a meme that is our inside joke... and a lot of bad puns. I'll pick up a small surprise this week and see what pile-ons I can follow up with. 

Got to yoga this morning. All the pretty skinny girls... and me flopping around. I'll just keep at it until I look good too. Ate mostly on track today. There is hope. After yoga, I went to the farmers market. Next time I think I will just stay at the park. 

Bought myself a pass to the botanical gardens on groupon. Making the ex-ish come with me tomorrow.

Working hard to be happy. I just want my mom.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/09/2020:
Yoga is for everyone, glad you go despite feeling possibly awkward around the others. you do you. enjoy the gardens. yesterday i did a walk at the park, first time in a long time...cannot wait till it's brighter for more hours of the day, i will surely do more walking!

happy-1 - Friday Feb 07, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

On week 8 of Noom
Sorry on being a little absent here. I'm catching up on everyone's entries and comments and generally getting back on track. Me falling off here coincides with the date I started the boundary assignment. In fact I've fallen off everything and only managed to do that. It's like wrestling an alligator in quicksand.

Have managed a few achievements and handled an ER trip for my dad.

In spite of all that, Noom is actually helping me stay on track and remember why I need to do daily habits to be healthy and take care of myself. This week I'm sleeping 7+ hours the past week and a half, and starting to feel a little less zombie.

Onwards and upwards. One foot in front of the other.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 02/08/2020:
Very insightful...

happy-1 on 02/08/2020:
Hugs. I just took all that out.

Horn_of_plenty on 02/09/2020:
Sleep helps tons. I think back to the days i didn't sleep much and don't know how i did it!

happy-1 - Thursday Feb 06, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Making progress, but not logging here enough... 

Starting to see a lift in my habits according to my habit tracker app. Possibly from Noom. 

This week I logged my calories and tracked whether my meals were on plan. I also dumped all simple carbs from my diet. Except the entire frozen pizza, ice cream sandwich and chocolate bar I ate last night.

Next week my goal is to just start moving every day. Yoga, cardio, dog walk, whatever.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/07/2020:
Nice job making MOST of the week count! :) that's good, Happy.

Wishing you a great day today, continued progress!

happy-1 on 02/08/2020:
Thanks! You are a great inspiration!

legcramps on 02/07/2020:
Nice goal for next week. You've got this!

happy-1 on 02/08/2020:
TY. I moved today. Yoga. One day at a time.

happy-1 - Sunday Feb 02, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Hugs to all. Fell off logging this week, but in that time I accomplished a lot, took a whole 2 night / 1 day break to myself, and even got out to watch the Superbowl.

Will catch up this week and read and comment, but in the meantime here is the best line I ever heard:

Me (fat middle aged cat/dog lady at Mexican restaraunt where Superbowl is being held, looking at menu): "What can I order that's low carb?"

Cashier (super buff latino dude): "We're Mexican. We don't do low carb. Low carb is for white people."

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Duaa123. on 02/03/2020:
haha this cashier is funny , it tried Mexican food it is too tasty.. come here to my country saudi arabia , badly we eat rice and bread as main dish every day and every meal , last 4 months I back from indonsesia and I losed 4 pound , although I was eat what I want but bc they eat vegg amore compare to carb

bearcountrygg on 02/03/2020:
That is funny....but when you think of it...it makes sense.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/03/2020:
LOL, that's sooooo funny indeed :) LOL LOL

legcramps on 02/03/2020:
Ha, makes sense ;)

Maria7 on 02/03/2020:
That was so cute!

happy-1 - Thursday Jan 30, 2020
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Disorganized eating last night... did ok all day until after the grief support group and washing the cat. I just got really tired and stressed and didn't have healthy meals prepped. Ate some of the chicken thighs I made up for the pets, then ended up eating a bunch of my dad's granola bars. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/30/2020:
Lately my volume eating is messing with me and giving me gas :(

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/30/2020:

Donkey on 01/31/2020:
Can't tell you how many times I've been there, holding on until the end of the day.... then SPLAT!

happy-1 on 02/08/2020:
Right? I need to clean the house before the home bath nurse comes tomorrow and all I want to do is go to bed... And that's a big improvement because at least now I am sleeping again.

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