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view happy-1 bio page
happy-1 - Tuesday Mar 06, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 229.8

Went to dentist. Tooth might be split laterally. Supposed to go back in 2 weeks in case I need a crown. Ow!!!!!

So tired like I ran a marathon. Sitting in corner bakery while traffic dies but too mentally wiped to do any work


Bedtime meditation

3gs: 1) that i made it home in 1 piece. 2) that i am not a dude because my dog punched me in the nuts location when she did her happy dance tonight, 3) that she ate canned food no fuss tonight, 4) that my sink repair held one more day, 5) that dropping into bed and covering up discouraged my mom from trying to get into details about my dental thing and I can just go to bed.

Take pride in my fitness efforts: 1) i got up at 6 today with my alarm. 2) I wrote down all my meals. 3) I went through with my dental appointment and toughed it out, 3) I missed my conditioning hike tonight because I was wrecked but I will wake up early and walk my dog and workout tomorrow night.

Obstacles: plumbing, parents mess in kitchen and bath, tired, traffic, fears of dentist

Visualize how heroically you will work tomorrow: i will finish edd papers tomorrow afternoon

Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

trishpiglet3 on 03/07/2018:
I love reading your updates and high 5 you for your perseverence through some very difficult things. Especially the dentist!

What dog do you have? I adore dogs but we aren't allowed any in our building

happy-1 on 03/07/2018:
She's a 50lb 18yo mutt that's sort of brown, yellow and white. She's my BFF.

horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2018:
i hope the best for your tooth! :)

bearcountrygg on 03/07/2018:
I'm happy to see that you are keeping up with your meditations......they seem like they are calming.

happy-1 on 03/07/2018:
One can only hope. 21 days to build a habit and change an attitude.

happy-1 - Monday Mar 05, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 229.8

232.6. Normal weight fluctuations.

Forgot to wear fitbit to bed last night. Got up about 9, but didn't get to my am habits because I was out last night and didn't do bedtime habits... so lesson learned.

Home today tidying up and helping my mom work on plumbing for tge bathroom because the chaos of the in omplete project is driving me up the wall.

Also aggravated with my dog because the foot scratches she gave me are infected and they hurt, so now I have to see a doctor. She does this pawing thing when she wants attention and I have two big slashes on my foot. She is currently exiled to the back patio while I do chores because I can't think clearly and that's when she escapes out the front door or destroys something... an hour on the patio will keep me sane.

Also frustrated because I think yoga dude isn't into me. Ow. I will regroup today and attempt to go on a conditioning hike this evening. Shake it off.


Didn't regroup. Stayed home cleaning and screwing with plumbing. Lesson learned. Always leave the house for coffee as soon as my eyes pop open.

Bedtime meditation habit

3 things I am grateful for: 1) that the program molly and I picked is fundable. 2) that I am in bed early and can try again tomorrow. 3) that I pulled it together to order a replacement door mirror for my car. 4) that I can go to the dentist tomorrow for a cleaning and get my teeth looked at and maybe get an end to these headaches. 5) my parents, even though they are impossible without them I'd be screwed.

Things I did to improve my fitness today. 1) That I am in bed early so I can go see my dentist tomorrow. 2) I bought replacement and repair parts for things that are broken that steal time and energy from being on track with food and making it to my workouts... A second pair of running shoes, a valve for my camelbak, a new driver's side mirror for my car,  3) I was massively off track so I just went to bed early at 8:30. Cut my losses. Tomorrow is another day. 4) Getting ready to see my dentist tomorrow.

Obstacles. Getting sucked into plumbing drama. Mom's obstinate refusal to go to bed wen the timer turned off the TV. Splitting headache from dental problems. Tomorrow I will overcome them by leaving the house as soon as I wake up and going to the dentist. Then I will go from there.

Tomorrow I will work heroically by going to the dentist, working mo my edd paperwork, and straightening out a flea control purchase at van nuys costco on the way home.




Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/05/2018:
You can get back on track.....hope you make it to the hike.

Horn_of_plenty on 03/05/2018:
Don't let yoga dude make you feel down on yourself :)

i hope your foot gets better...

and hopefully you'll get back to routine soon...maybe when you start a new job it will be better bc you'll be forced to be up on time :) like me!..although for the first time in my life, i'm not functioning well so early in the AM (have to be at work at 7am) and i am most often 5min late.

happy-1 - Sunday Mar 04, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 229.8

Weight loss!!! 229.8 lbs this morning. Just a fraction of a pound but it moved me into the 220s. Biking to services this morning. Although love and employment elude me, I am controlling the things I can control and seeing the effects.


Omg, actually did it. Biked to services. I had the apprehension and fear gurgling somewhere in my lizard brain at the idea of doing new things... a) biking somewhere when I am old and fat and nearly dead, b) going to 9 am anything, c) going to services with religious people, d) biking back again when it would be warm out and yucky... but I guess the bedtime meditation habit kicked in because I embraced the suck and got myself out of bed and went... a little late. But I did it. There and back. And then I walked my dog in the sunshine... a nice warm sunny day and she got to say hi to doggie neighbors. And I am actually on time to meet molly for hanging out and work on edd stuff.


Bedtime meditation habit

3 things I am grateful for 1) that the service was nice and there were two nice ladies to say hello to. 2) molly, for giving up part of her weekend when she hasn't wanted to hang out with me lately to pick an edd program that might help me and for offering her couch because the one we picked was down by her. 3) that guy drama is something that dissipate a overnight if you just delete their numbers and put them out of your head. 4) my parents because without them I would be screwed. 5) my dog, who is ancient but dances like a puppy when I come home and for walkies, and curls up next to me every night. 5) that molly is going to try a circuit training class tomorrow.

Take pride in the things I did to hel improve my fitness levels today. I went to bed on time and got enough sleep. I had packed my oatmeal for the am. I had bought gear I would be comfortable with over many years like bike shorts, a long tshirt dress, neon windbreaker, saddle bags, a cheap camp bike and a helmet so I was prepared for my bike ride. I actually went on the bike ride. I did bot cave on any of the junk food at the church breakfast. I walked my dog twice for extra steps. I had all healthy meals except for my ramen and a brownie and a beer. I am home and in bed on time so I can struggle forward tomorrow.

Overcome my obstacles. Today I didn't have many obstacles except for plumbing problems and a cut on my foot that is infected. Tomorrow I will get first aid stuff for it and make my mom help with plumbing.

Visualize how heroically I will work tomorrow. Tomorrow I will get up with my alarm at 5 and walk run my dog. I will take all my stuff down to coffee bean and work on stuff till it is time for the sierra club conditioning hike. I will work on edd papers for the training program and certify for benefits. I will work on Pete's site and try to finish the nutrition page by the end of the day.

Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

trishpiglet3 on 03/04/2018:
You are awesome! *applause* just going wow here at how far you have come

happy-1 on 03/05/2018:
Thank you. Tiny progress every day mounts up over time, like water on stone.

bearcountrygg on 03/04/2018:
So exciting to drop into another group of numbers....YEAH YOU!!!

happy-1 on 03/05/2018:
RIGHT? Only two groups till one-derland.

bearcountrygg on 03/04/2018:
Congratulations...you just did something you thought you might not be able to do....!!!!!

happy-1 on 03/05/2018:
Right?????? Just need to shake it off, put on my big girl pants and go for it.

Maria7 on 03/04/2018:
Congratulations to you! :-)

happy-1 on 03/05/2018:
Thank you!!!!

Donkey on 03/04/2018:
WOOT WOOT!! <- That's a double woot, one for the new weight number and one for biking to church.

bearcountrygg on 03/05/2018:
You are doing great things!!!!!!

trishpiglet3 on 03/05/2018:
I love the bedtime meditation habit.

happy-1 on 03/05/2018:
Supposedly it rewires your brain to be happy and more productive if you do it for 21 days. At least it knocks me out.

horn_of_plenty on 03/05/2018:
congrats on keeping on and getting into a new low of #'s....great job!

also like donkey says, nice job on the biking too :)

happy-1 - Saturday Mar 03, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4


 And turns...

Yoga dude was a fun hang. We had a super fun session under a gazebo in the park in the rain with my dog. Hands down the best fun I've had in years. Since he did yoga, I bought breakfast. Hopefully he'd like to see me again. I don't know yet. Fingers crossed.  I hope, I hope, I hope. I don't know why this is churning me up so much except that he is a dude I could respect and I'd really like him to like me too. Even if it is just friends. Something. Anything.I would really like to have a friend who is a fun hang.

"No more bad dates" dude was a bust. This was kind of like an orgy... Nice to be asked to join his company but I don't want to go. I sat there for 4 hours listening and then had to explain to him that he doesn't have a business or a product... If he can't explain in one sentance what the value add of his service is, nobody will pay for it. Basically he wants to create a dating site where you go in and answer a few dealbreaker questions and create a profile. Later if you meet a paying member ($150), they can look you up and see what your answers to their deal breaker questions are. I asked "Why wouldn't I just ask my dealbreaker questions on a date?" he said because you might not want to ask. I said in order for me to believe that people don't ask deal breaker questions, you need to do a paid survey of 5,000 single Americans ages 25-35 and have at minimum 20% say they are uncomfortable asking dealbreaker questions within the first three dates. But that if you are in that age range and afraid to ask deal breaker questions... you don't need an app, you need therapy.

Anyway, the combination of the two hangouts has me spinning in anxiety. Maybe I'll never find a job. Maybe I'll never find love. Augh.


Texted my ex just to say hi and see how his day was. He doesn't want to communicate anymore.


Bedtime meditation habit.

3 things I am grateful for today. 1) My parents. Without them I'd be really screwed right now. 2) That Molly picked up when I called tonight and UDG texted back. 3) That I had a good date with someone I liked a lot. It was just nice to talk and laugh with someone I liked a lot. 4) that molly went to piyo today.

Think about how you worked to advance your fitness today. I did yoga and although I succumbed to my dad's waffles, i was on track otherwise.

Think about what obstacles you need to overcome. Loneliness. Panic. Exhaustion. Procrastination. Plumbing problems.

Think about how heroically you are going to work tomorrow. I will bike to church at 8am and back again. Then I will go meet Molly and work on my EDD stuff. I will pack my oatmeal for the week and aet up coffee.

One good thing you did for someone else. I tried to help that guy with his startup but that didn't go well. I made my parents dinner. I sent pete a comp for the homepage of his site.

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/04/2018:
Your post just made me so happy!!!!! Love that you met someone that you like...and Love your Bedtime meditation habits.......

Donkey on 03/04/2018:
I'm glad the yoga dude turned out to be OK -- better than OK! I hope that you can get together with him again, even if it's as friends... for now at least.

Good news to hear about your friend Molly! Does she like PiYo? I love that we have these new options in exercise for people to consider - especially for those who don't like the usual exercising (walking, jogging, oof).

I think you did very well for yourself today - HUGS!!!

happy-1 - Friday Mar 02, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

The world turns...

UDG says he has gone 5 days without eating fast food or splenda... I'm proud of him. He says it is day 3 of the work week and he has all his meals packed for the remainder. His mom is helping him out by making him eggs and a few other things.

The meeting with the case worker for the EDD was better than I expected. She suggested a business management program that might actually help.  She also helped me figure out which programs I might be able to apply for funding for I have a lot of homework to do this weekend. Karma. I guess the only person that would have been affected by the school pulling a fast one is her... it wouldn't have been caught till the end of the year and then would have been pulled out of the budget for the agency. No more coffee or donuts... or worse.

Tomorrow AM I am meeting up with a seriously weird dude off of OKC. It'll either be a disaster or a bag of fluffy puppies. He's taking yoga teacher training and is going to give me a free lesson. Picked a park with a gazebo in case of rain. He will probably touch me inappropriately.

Went to a "No more bad dates" meetup last week and found a data quality analyst turned entrepreneur who is trying to start a dating app. I fixed his business model and tagline for ****s and giggles as Coffee Bean was closing then stood out in the rain to finish it out for him. Figured karma would do me a good turn for helping someone who really, really needs it. No normal human being understood what he was talking about because he asks data quality questions instead of talking like a normal human. He texted me today to see about making me an offer. I didn't realize he was that far along. Hanging out with him on Saturday to do a little coworking. 

Making it to my fourth scheduled event this week tonight. There may be some hope for me after all.

Maybe my habit tracker is working?????  Bringing me into alignment? I have made coffee almost every morning at least and have made my way through a bag of the worst Starbucks coffee ever. Vile nasty stuff. Tomorrow I get to open a fresh can of a fabulous coffee from Trader Joes called a pinon roast. I can't wait.



Meditation Habit Builder...

3 things I am grateful for... my dog ate a can of dog food I needed to use up but was saving for a night I could not keep going. That she tried to get me up at 5:40 am this morning but I couldn't do it... i think I got to bed at 3. Still she tried her doggy best and I managed to wake up in time to get to the edd with her help. I was stress-crying this morning... when there isn't anything particularly wrong but you are just so tired you can't face doing more. She normally hides or ignores me but today she came over and curled up by my side and gave me the extra good cuddles with eye contact till I felt better and could drive. I said thank you and I swear she understood me

I take pride in my efforts to improve my fitness levels today. I did not work out, but I tried to keep meals mostly healthy.

Obstacles I overcame today were fatigue and exhaustion. I stayed out and did not get sucked into home drama. I fought procrastination and did Pete's site a little. I was sad yesterday and today because my ex asked me if his card came yet and it hadn't but today I put it out of my mind.

I will fight valiantly tomorrow to continue to struggle towards a place that is green with my dog, kin, and a big garden.

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 03/03/2018:
Sounds like you've had quite an eventful week! You lead quite an active social life!!!

Donkey on 03/03/2018:
Love the Habit Builder! IDK, I think the weird dude sounds interesting. I'd love to be training to be a yoga teacher.

What is UDG? I forget...

I hope you have a pleasant weekend! Or at least interesting :-)

bearcountrygg on 03/03/2018:
I love the habit builder idea too...in fact it spurred my digging out my day planner and getting busy entering chores to do.

happy-1 - Thursday Mar 01, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Woke up late... 9am. My doggie did her job and woke me up at 5:30am but I couldn't pull it together because according to Fitbit I didn't get to sleep till 1:12am. I went to bed about 11 but took forever to fall asleep. I think it is that I couldn't find a good angle with my toothache and my neck issues... but also that the tv was on till 11 and I need to turn it off earlier. I set the outdoor timer on the tv to turn off between 8pm and 5am... roughly. Not an exact science.


Tried the simply fit board knockoff today. I might go and get a real one. I think the knockoff is more curved than the real one and harder to balance on. It is definitely hard with big flat feet. I bit down too hard on my bad tooth and had to stop. My dental appt can't come soon enough... I missed the track workout last night due to dental pain. I pretty much ran home after el pollo loco to apply some ambesol and a hot water bottle. Ow!!!!

It did get my heart rate up.


Habit tracker is helping. I think I need to set up supplies for routines in the order that I need them and then have a second copy of the habit tracker at home to remind me. Like I need a reminder and tray in the bathroom with floss, wrinkle cream, eye cream, tooth bleach, and nail polish for my bed time ritual. And I need a tray with my coffeemaker, coffee, oatmeal and supplements for the morning. I might also need to split some of the habits up to be smaller to check them off.


Parents are headed out to the doctor today. I get time at home to look at alternative training programs and call schools.

Big distraction for today will be resisting cleaning my dad's room while they are out. It's pretty geoss in there. He just throws everything on the floor and doesn't bother with his trash can.


3pm and haven't started calling schools. I got sucked into straightening up in an effort to be better at getting to bed and getting out in the morning. Then I realized my heels were so cracked they would be a health issue so I took care of them.

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Wednesday Feb 28, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Overslept till 9 am. Had a hard time getting to sleep last night. Felt a little out of sorts over the scholarship.

OkCupid coffee date this morning. Nice enough guy but he is soooo friendly... an hour in is a little fast for calling me sweetie or other pet names. Also, inappropriate PDA in a store in the mall. I felt really claustrophobic. I just wanted to keep stepping back... like too intense. Felt more like he just wanted someone anyone female shaped, not necessarily me.

Spent remainder of morning at ross, marshalls and home goods looking for Sistema containers for packing yogurt and snacks. I bought a couple of extra items I need to think about and might return. I'm definitely a size 14 now... although all my fat is in the center of my gut... like a normal human swalloed an exercise ball and slowly inflated. One of my items was a balance board rip off of the simply fit board. Hopefully it will help me tone my middle and work my core. It was 25 at marshalls instead of $40 for the real one at walmart.

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/28/2018:
I have one of those simply fit boards and I'm afraid to try it.....at first I was afraid it would wear out the rug....when you try yours please let me know how you like it...I've decided that I'm not going to worry about the rug now...and will just get some guts and give mine a try.....need to dig that out tomorrow...I had forgotten about it...thanks for the reminder :) Actually I'm a little scared of it....LOL

happy-1 on 02/28/2018:
They have special mats to go under it. I was just going to put my yoga mat down and use the board on top of that on the patio concrete.

Donkey on 02/28/2018:
I would totally get a Simply Fit board, but with my back issues, I cannot do anything that involves twisting (which unfortunately includes racket sports, aerobic/Zumba dancing, etc.).

I'm sorry the date didn't go well. Ah well, try again sometime soon...?

happy-1 on 03/01/2018:
Yeah, maybe you would like a bosu board to build core around your back.

horn_of_plenty on 03/01/2018:
you know how to keep going and stay happy... :)

happy-1 on 03/01/2018:
Hugs! Thank you! Happiness is a mindset and an hour by hour decision. Kind of like love. A conscious choice to be made over and over again.

horn_of_plenty on 03/01/2018:
look how good your weight chart looks: KEEP GOING!

happy-1 on 03/01/2018:
Aw... ty. I am shooting for 208 by year end.

happy-1 - Tuesday Feb 27, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Hugs everyone. A little stressed today. May have lost the scholarship. I find out Friday. The school was funding jr level certs under senior level certs and leaving the students to fail compliance. I thought I was fixing paperwork but I inadvertently blew the whistle and may have lost the whole thing.


Dealing with the anxiety by doing basic straightening up. Just putting things in order... I don't know why everything gets out out of order so fast.


Made it to the conditioning hike tonight. Yay me.



Ate mostly on plan except for a box of mac n cheese and 4 small donuts

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 02/27/2018:
Oh no... Well, you won't know until Friday, so let's wait and see for now. Please do not get down on yourself for whatever you said or disclosed. If you went into the meeting with an open and honest heart, that's truly what's important.

But that would suck.

happy-1 on 02/28/2018:
Hugs thank you. This note really helped. I will work and destress untill Friday

bearcountrygg on 02/28/2018:
Donkey is right, and sometimes things just work out that way........if they were being shifty and you accidentally exposed them...it's on them...not you....don't worry, things will be ok. Sometimes these things are blessings in disguise and will work out even better in the end. Head up...and continue on....HUGS!

happy-1 on 02/28/2018:
Yeah I just feel like an idiot for not seeing that they were being shifty and just derping along... like Yogi Bear... "Well hello beat people! Thanks so much for extending my ui benefits and funding a $9600 program for me... I see that I'm supposed to have an engineer certification in 16 weeks but I only have admin classes." Derp derp derp...

horn_of_plenty on 02/28/2018:
that's great you got in exercise, i totally am starting up with more cardio on saturdays.

happy-1 on 03/01/2018:
Good job!

horn_of_plenty on 02/28/2018:
what i mean is, on weekends when i have free time, i hope to have a good cardio day each weekend right now.

happy-1 on 03/01/2018:
You will do it and prevail.

happy-1 - Monday Feb 26, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

B: coffee half n half and mp power oatmeal.

S: coffee half n half

B: quiche, beans, spinach

S: emotional support brownie

S: low carb pizza bake

5-d: in and out double double burger in lettuce and some fies,diet coke

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 02/27/2018:
Hope you have a good day. :-)

happy-1 - Monday Feb 26, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

So... Miracle of miracles... I woke up on my own at 4:45 am... ok I did have some help from my ancient dog who stood up, let one rip, then whacked me in the face with her tail till I got up. Still, this is the first time ahe ever woke me up on time in our 15 years together. This is a momentous occasion and deserves it's own separate post all on it's own. It took 15 years but this dog finally did what I wanted a dog for in the first place. I may have pictured something cuter and more YouTube video appropriate, but the outcome is what matters.

I got up, let her out, staggered to the bathroom, staggered to turn on my coffee and put my oatmeal in the microwave, then took my laundry basket of dog walking stuff and put it on. My dog was so shocked when I called her back in for walkies... me? You mean me for walkies? You've never done anything before 1pm in your life. Ok. Ok, fat lady. Let's go. She might be 18, but she ran and walked as much as I did.

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/26/2018:
4:45 is def early...it's about what i've been doing...i'm relearning how to get outta bed without laying there and wasting time!!!!!!

glad your dog is in optimal health!

happy-1 on 02/26/2018:
Lol. She's in better shape than me and she's 126.

Donkey on 02/26/2018:
I hope your meeting went well today! What a wonderful dog story!

happy-1 on 02/26/2018:
Hugs. She is the best pup. Wanted to come to the school after and to sierra club hike, but I need to try it first to see if she can keep up.

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