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happy-1 - Sunday Feb 25, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Got to bed waaaaay too late last night.  2am.  I stayed up late watching tv and petting my dog and then I tried to get one useful thing done... Pack my supplement stack into pill packs for daily doses. I haven't been taking them. With the coffee at 3 and diet pepsi at 7... I had too much caffeine in me and didn't get to sleep till 3:30am. Set alarm for 7, but struggled to wake up and missed the church service I wanted to check out. 

Will focus on printing my habit builder today and prepping for the meeting with my EDD case worker tomorrow.


Today is lonely but productive. Got things printed out and some paperwork done. All meals are prepped for 3 days!!!! Small miracle.

So to conquer tomorrow... my habit minder is printed out. My food journal is printed out. My clothes are set out for tomorrow. My coffee is all set up and ready to go. My lunchbag is set up to receive meals. My laptop bag has the printouts for the case worker. My laptop is charging. My dog has her treats for tomorrow in a sealed container, tons of fresh water. It is 9:30 and I am in bed with my sleep aid taken.

I may need a second pair of running shoes.


Up: 9am

9: B: coffee, half and half. Didn't eat because my dad was in the kitchen then I forgot.

12: S: MP paleo granola, yogurt, berries

2 pm L: MP- 2 cups broccoli salad wit

4pm S: mp - power oatmeal

D: Dinner with the fam. I made veggie burger lettuce wraps with cheese, fried eggs, sautéed onion/mushrooms/spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, pickled red onion, sweet potato fries. A lot of work to put together for something that should have been an easy meal... probably the sautéed veggies.

S: 1 brownie.


Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 02/25/2018:
Good luck with your meeting tomorrow! I will be thinking of you :-)

I hate it when I have caffeine too late and it keeps me up all night. It really can put a wrench through the next day's plans.

happy-1 on 02/25/2018:
Yeah plus I accidentally took sleep aid and adhd meds too close together and gave myself a migraine.

bearcountrygg on 02/25/2018:
Good luck with the meeting!

happy-1 on 02/25/2018:
Thank you!!! Fingers crossed.

horn_of_plenty on 02/26/2018:
lately i'm in bed soooo early. complete opposite of you. i was seriously in my bed at 6:30pm last night....and mostly slept straight (aside from waking up a few times but nodding right back to sleep!) until 4:45am. lately 10hrs is great on my end....i'm just going with it but hope i do not need this much sleep come summer....

happy-1 on 02/26/2018:
Nice!!!! Maybe you need to track your sleep efficiency. I was sleeping 10h but up for like 2+... Fitbit is helping with habits for sleep efficiency

horn_of_plenty on 02/26/2018:
too much caffeine usually affects me too...i now stay away mostly from it in the evenings.

happy-1 - Saturday Feb 24, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Slept too long... went to bed at 10:20 and woke up about 12. Fitbit says I slept over 11 hours but a little over 8 hours average. I think it was the stress of the training thing being a conflict that just wore me out. Will straighten it out on Monday but I made the mistake of telling my parents and they are inventing things that could be wrong. I think it's just that the new year flipped over and things haven't been communicated between agencies. My parents are convinced that the training company is committing fraud. This is total paranoia. I just think it's being related between non technical people and only one letter difference between training programs.

Mom woke me up this morning with the anxiety that I had insulted the nice lady that was going to hold $2500 of training funds so that I could get the second level certificate. I was dead asleep, lost it, and snapped at her. Then when I had some privacy again I ate 4 brownies instead of breakfast because I was aggravated and not awake yet and eating my emotions and I had packed them in the bear barrel by my bed for my Sunday outing. Sigh.


Still no resent card from the ex.


Molly sentme screenshots of her Fitbit this morning! So proud of her. I made such a silly fuss at her last night. I said we didn't have to be Fitbit buddies or wear custom bands that say "Best ****es" but I so want to... SO GLAD!!!!


Parents went out and brought back pizza from aplace my mom has been wanting to try. Yum!! Put me in a good mood and I gave my dog hours of rubs. She gave me lots of oxytocin live stare back and cuddled her head in my hands. Full contact.



B - 4 small brownies

3pm - s - iced coffee, protein powder

4 pm - turkey burger, cheese, guac, southwest dressing, sweet potato fries

4 slices of pizza, 3 chicken wings, diet pepsi

2 peanut butter cups, trail mix packet

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 02/25/2018:
Forget the card... Time to move on. He's an ex. Why such high EXpectations from him?

happy-1 on 02/25/2018:
He said he stuck a new stamp on it and re-sent it.

I guess because he is a nerd like me and I figure nerds get wires crossed but if you ask nicely they make an effort. And that there was enough of a bond there after talking for 5 years that he would... But his second marriage was physically and emotionally abusive so I guess that kind of screwed him up too much.

bearcountrygg on 02/25/2018:
I agree with Donkey....Live your life, have a good time, and the right guy will find you. Guys do not like to be chased.....it just makes them run away.

When the right guy comes along you will know it because you won't have to beg him to do things for you, he will want to please you himself. I did notice that you say he has been divorced twice.....apparently he is not looking for another divorce.

happy-1 on 02/25/2018:
He does chase me. That's how I ended up down there. Resolve it one way or the other...

Except I guess it was resolved as "the other". That makes me sad. We talked for 5 years.

happy-1 - Friday Feb 23, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Because it deserves a completely separate post all on its own... Molly never returned the fit bit after all and the occupational therapist she's seeing talked her into trying it. I'm so happy!!!! I'm so very happy! She's going to feel so much better.

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/24/2018:
And it looks like HAPPY IS HAPPY TOO!!!!!

happy-1 on 02/25/2018:
Yeah! I am glad that cash didn't get wasted when money is tight... and that she's going to be brave and try to feel better.

Donkey on 02/24/2018:
Oh that's WONDERFUL! Maybe she just needed to hear it from someone else.

happy-1 on 02/25/2018:
Yeah... a professional I guess. She'll disappear for a few more months and maybe she'll be down to hang out after summer is over.

happy-1 - Friday Feb 23, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Another down... on the scale that is!!! 2lbs!!! I'd be worried about that much in one weigh in but I haven't weighed myself for at least a week. I did have breakfast before weigh in though so it might be more or less... but close enough for today. Getting ready to head over to the school and do paperwork.

Up: 6:30 am. Actually heard my alarm and didn't hit snooze... but the alarm must have been on for a bit. Not used to being up that early so I staggered around a little instead of hitting the ground running.


Hit a snag with the training and need to regroup with the EDD... make sure that I am ok.


6:30 b: oatmeal (half serving, couldn't finish it), caffeine shot. Brain could not pull together coffee.

10: S - chili cheese fries (leftovers), diet coke

12: cheese stick, sweet potato crackers.

2:30 - cheese stick

5ish - lean cuisine. Chicken and noodles. Will have to get my dad more. Just got too hungry and there wasn't anything easy to grab. I made up some meal preps after that.

7ish - turkey burger with sweet potato fries and guac and cheese. Southwestern sauce. Yum.... so good.

9ish - sleep aid + yogurt, berries, granola.

10:20. In bed. Hoping to make it to the riverside Botanical gardens in the morning for a meetup with old fat hikers

Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/23/2018:
good job...over the next 2 months i plan to lose the weight i gained over the past 2 months. It's noticable on my stomach area to me...it's softer than it used to be = gained some fat. I gained around 2-3lbs....and when you weigh a low weight, it's very noticable, that little difference.

bearcountrygg on 02/24/2018:
Congrats on the 2 pound loss!!!

happy-1 - Thursday Feb 22, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 230.4

Today was ups and downs...

Ups - Because I found out my funding for training was approved. I have a shot at a sys admin certification. 4 month program that starts Monday and I need to go in for tomorrow.

Downs - Because my ex got his Valentine's day card back in the mail return to sender, and just the envelope from mine, no card. I asked him to resend his... I haven't gotten a Valentine since the 5th grade and he got mad at me. He says he likes me but he doesn't know what to do and can't do anything right.

He's also mad because I didn't stick around down there to hear him DJ in Second Life. I hadn't even known he did Second Life. I had wondered why he never struck out and built a new network after his second marriage fell apart... No sports teams or groups... apparently he just got really into Second Life. I told him I didn't stick around because I only found out he was into it that weekend and it isn't really something I get. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and make him uncomfortable while he was doing his performance... Rather let him have his private "safe" place to himself and then learn more about it. It isn't like a club performance... you can't mix with a crowd or meet their friends if you aren't already set up in the game... it would have just been me bored off my ass and staring at him. Plus I missed my dog and wanted to sleep in my own bed. I just don't get things like Second Life, renaissance fair, being able to play music but not doing a band, board game marathons, u

I told him to do whatever makes him happy... I like him but all I want is for him to be happy. He does everything fine. I just want the basics... a card or a mixtape on a holiday... plans that don't revolve around food and drink that isn't on my fitness plan... like the free days at the museum or a day at the beach. (He did bariatric surgery a few years ago and eats a lot of crap. He loves the hipster places with fancy ice cream and booze and is gaining the weight back. I enjoyed going but a) they bore me, b) it's a lot of work to get some chow, c) bad for you.) If I drive down to SD not to have to turn around and leave first thing in the AM. I struggle with driving.


Is it bad that my first thought was I need to meal prep for Monday and maybe I need a new lunch bag? My current lunch bag only fits 3 meals, a drink and some snacks.



Oatmeal, caffeine shot

deli turkey and coleslaw

sweet potato turkey chili cheese fries

2 brownies



Progress as of today: 77.6 lbs lost so far, only 50.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Wednesday Feb 21, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Yesterday was so rough I scrapped my entry mostly so I never think about it again. Mostly I learned thatI should never stick around at home in the AM and that I should always just go for a walk when my dad starts nudging for treats.


Today I will go to my track workout and focus on making up my pill packs and doing my personal papers


Got too toothache-y, hungry and cold while I was working on stuff and came home. For some reason I had this impulse to start on the third bedroom and try to clear some of it out. This was a decent plan since my splitting headache meant nothing which requires focus was going to happen today. I pulled boxes out to the living room and went through them, chucking as I went. It's about 1:30am and I cleared about an eighth of the floor space in there, which I filled with a chair and a dog bed from the living room. Most of what I pulled out went to the recycling bin. Just old boxes with a bunch of plastic bags and maybe one shoe. I just focused on repacking and condensing stuff.

Didn't get anything done today that I needed to get done but now at least there is a spot to escape to if I am not feeling well again and I need to be home in the morning. I'll keep cleaning it out, I guess. It is packed to the ceiling and will take a while. ----

8:30 - oatmeal, coffee half and half

Not really sure after that.

Deli meat andcoleslaw

3 nutrigrain bars

2 lean cuisines, 2 cups veggies

2 cheese sticks and some sweet potato crackers

Diet 7 up

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/21/2018:
Yes, remain on task today! and i'll do the same!

let me tell you - i'm glad i planned well for this week....bc now i have an entirely different commute starting tomorrow and i'm so glad that the gym is today and not tomorrow after the first day at a new location working with new people. just so glad that i have an easier second half the week and that the busy schedule after work ends today so that i'm not having a new commute along with after work commitments too. thankful for planning well :) it's good i do not have guinea pigs!

bearcountrygg on 02/21/2018:
If mornings are a problem with them then you are right to avoid seeing them in the morning...agreed.

happy-1 on 02/23/2018:
Yeah. It's an adhd thing... the brain isn't active in the am so triggering the flight or flight response by doing battle gets them sharpened up for the day so they are addicted to it. A nice cup of coffee and a run or dog walk does the same thing... but shrinks are junk and adhd isn't real so they don't need to see anyone about it, right?

Maria7 on 02/22/2018:
Hope you are having a good afternoon.

happy-1 - Tuesday Feb 20, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Coffee/ half and half, oatmeal,

Broccoli and quiche

2 chicken legs, 2 wings, part of a thigh

Freebirds carnitas burrito bowl with all the fixings

1/3 of a brownie

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/20/2018:
Rat ...or Mouse? It would take a pretty big hole for a rat to come in. Mice can get into a hole the size of a nickel. They carry the hanta virus...Trap time.

happy-1 on 02/20/2018:
Yeah she doesn't believe me and won't let me in her room.

bearcountrygg on 02/20/2018:
I just read under my diary that you climbed a glacier once!!!!! AMAZING....You need to give yourself more credit!!!

happy-1 on 02/23/2018:
It was really scary fun.

Maria7 on 02/21/2018:
Hope you are having a good day.

happy-1 on 02/21/2018:
Thank you! I think I will plan some prayer meditation.

happy-1 - Monday Feb 19, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Got woken up at 2am. I was cuddled with my dog but couldn't get back to sleep. I had some chicken ramen, she had some buiscuts. Love her. She's my valentine.


Black Panther was a great movie!!! I had a lot of fun with her and her son.


Huge storm headed this way. Have to stick close to home tonight. No sierra club conditioning hike for me. Might not even make it to the grocer... palm trees are all at a 45 angle already and it hasn't hit yet.


I made ice cube portions of grated ginger, chia, and flax to put in my oatmeal. Swapped margerine for coconut oil, omg!!!! So much more like a really good hot cookie! And so much more fiber and stuff that's good for you.


Made burger dinner for family. Chanced the gale by running out between storms to get my dad some rolls, but screwed up that attempt at making him feel good by getting confused when he said "what good are rolls without something to put on them?" and right now he has ham and a bunch of deli meats I bought... So I said "I could give them to my dog, but I thought you wanted them because I was making burgers and you wouldn't eat burgers without buns..." and he got mad because I said I could give them to my dog. I dunno why that's an issue. She's the only one in the house who is supposed to be eating simple carbs. Plus he is mad at me because I went out without taking him.., I didn't want him in the car if the storm hit before I made it back but he couldn't process that. They are really high winds and even the slightest thing hurts him.


Then I screwed up after dinner by trying to clean up while he and my mom were still at the table. I was cleaning up, nobody was helping, so I tried to move his arm to wipe the table and he got mad.



2:30am - chicken ramen, smart balance, simple carbs... bad for me.

9:30 am - power oatmeal, half and half, coffee

1pm - cliff bar

4pm - mp burrito bowl, sweet potato crackers

7:45pm - turkey burger, fried egg, 1/2 a cheese stick, veggies, coleslaw, sweet potato fries and a little ranch dressing. No bun for me!

9:30 pm - strawberry protein shake I split 4 ways. Froze one to see if it turns into ice cream.

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/19/2018:
Yes she is.....there is nothing like the love of a sweet pet.

happy-1 on 02/19/2018:
Yeah and nothing as weird as those moments where you realize you are dealing with a fully sentient life form that is sometimes smarter than you.

Maria7 on 02/19/2018:
What kind of dog is she? I bet she is very pretty.

happy-1 on 02/19/2018:
She's white and yellow swirled like a blended twinkie. Lab and shepherd and a bunch of others. 50lbs of love.

horn_of_plenty on 02/19/2018:
Dogs are so cute but they do need lots of care ! How often do you bring a dog to the vet ? When I'm older I might get one - I don't have time now

happy-1 on 02/19/2018:
I just did booster shots annually for the first 16 years. I should have also been doing dental cleanings. Now that she is ancient (but doesn't seem older than 6 or 7), I had one for the first time she got an inner ear thing and I thought she had a stroke, so I took her to emergency. Now I know to give her some dramamine and let her sleep it off. I had another when she sliced open her paw and had to get stitches and a toenail removed this summer. This may be because I cook for her like a human. Right now there are 5lbs of chicken thighs bubbling away with the ham bone. They will be joined with a thing of pumpkin and quick oats, and whatever carrots and celery I have hanging around. 2 or so weeks of dog food and lots of bonemeal buiscuts. Not organic but better than the latest pet food recall because they made it with euthanized animals... guess what concentrates when you cook down euthanized animals for pet food and what happens to the pets?

Donkey on 02/19/2018:
Sounds like a great day! I'll have to think about coconut oil in oatmeal. I confess that this would never occur to me, but I love them both -- and I think the coconut oil would hold me longer and add a wonderful flavor.

happy-1 on 02/19/2018:
With the ginger, raisins, walnuts, canilla protein powder, and cinnamon i am considering skipping my dinner burger and having some more. Just a big gooey cookie. I swear it is better than butter.

bearcountrygg on 02/20/2018:
That sound delicious....sorry about your Dad......Us oldies are a pain in the you know what!!

happy-1 on 02/20/2018:
We never got along and it is both better and worse now. He tried his best it's just we are constantly at odds.

horn_of_plenty on 02/20/2018:
sounds like she's pretty much remained vet-free...your dog.

horn_of_plenty on 02/20/2018:
lol the arguments don't sound like big issues thankfully between you and your parents...

happy-1 on 02/20/2018:
They are trivial but loud and nasty, with lots of mean things said.

bearcountrygg on 02/20/2018:
I can say one thing about old age....we definitely do start losing our short term memory....D and I are both doing that now. We also can get confused if an old routine changes to something different. For ever...our cars had keys....now our car has a push button start...and I can not tell you how many times I have gotten out of it and forgot to turn it off....luckily it does honk the horn at me...and it does refuse to lock from the outside.....so there are reminders...but your Dad is feeling somewhat confused at times and it is frustrating for all of you. I'm there myself, and I cared for parents like that too.....and it stinks...for everyone.

happy-1 on 02/20/2018:
Yeah. The problem is they were always nasty and vicious with their words and never handled stress well. So the slightest disruption opens chasms of anger. A moved bottle of instant coffee triggers rages that go in cycles for a month.

happy-1 - Sunday Feb 18, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Working on my habit tracker today :-) I will achieve real change through the power of habit.


Geez... If I do all the habits I want to build... there's over 50 of them.


Got in a solid 30 min on the patio. 30 min a day to get a garden going.


Looking forward to the movies tomorrow with one of the ladies from the church I checked out today. 


Up: 8:30am, hard time getting to sleep last night.

S: 8:30 B: Power oatmeal, coffee+half and half

B: 12:30 PM S: Broccoli, crustless quiche

L: leftover burrito bowl, 2tbsp avocado S: leftover edamame pasta, veg, and pasta

D: deli ham and turkey, uncured. Homemade coleslaw.

S: trail mix

S: string cheese and flax crackers


Ate all on-plan today, if at odd hours.

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/19/2018:
I hear you........I also feel the need to make changes in new ways.......maybe 1 new habit a time....I'm with you........I'm also committing to make changes in the right direction.....

happy-1 on 02/20/2018:
Hugs. Change is hard, but the feeling you get from having made a change is awesome. Let's embrace the suck tomorrow.

happy-1 - Saturday Feb 17, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Up late in a hormonal pity party. Slept in till 10. Missed getting up to help with food bank yard sale, but also didn't promise to show. Still feeling like I have a UTI and probably need new inhaler prescription so a doctor visit is in my future.

1:45 and regrouping. I think my target for the day is to make up the ham that is loitering in the fridge, fixing the kitchen screen door and a patio cleaning. It literally took all day yesterday and two trips to Home Depot to fix two faucets.

Since it was nice and I don't want to forget it, Mom bought me a an auto-refill water bowl for my dog, and a bunch of chicken wings for a belated Valentine's day.


3:45.... have achieved initial cleanup and deodorizing of patio. Discovered drill isn't charged though... so I will have to finish tomorrow. Next step tomorrow is to hang the door grill and seal up the screen, see what I can find in the way of flower pots to start transitioning the patio from abandoned to hanitable. I figure I will start with nasturtiums in recycled food containers. Those things grow anywhere

Ham is on... 3 hours to heat up!!!!


10am - oatmeal, coffee, extra cal from maple syrup and mocha coffee mix

2pm - turkey in tomato sauce and veggies, mozzarella

4pm - 2 oreos. Dad stole bag. I have to watch him more carefully.

7pm - sweet potato fries. Some more veg and turkey in tomato sauce. Not as good as I thought it would be... next time I will freeze

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/17/2018:
Nice of your Mom!

happy-1 on 02/17/2018:
Yeah, glad I made the ham up for them tonight. They are really enjoying it. I made them homemade coleslaw, sweet potato froes and spinach to go with it and peach jello with pineapples for dessert. I'm back on the horse and skipping all of it. But they are happy!

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