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happy-1 - Sunday Sep 06, 2020
(Week 2 of 9/2020 60 day challenge cycle stubborn m)
Weight: 226.6

Getting back up on the stubborn, uncooperative mule that is taking care of my health.

Sooo tired in my bones. Writing here to start my day and get motivated. Everything can change right now.

Here's how the 30 day free challenge went.

Weeks 1-3 I spent pulling my routine together... Time studies, etc. I figured out what my daily pattern needs to be. I booked online yoga classes to give me something to show up for. I setup Alexa routines to get me to them on time. I blocked out productivity times on my calendar. I made a project plan for getting my dad squared away. By week 4, I was up on time to have some coffee, eat breakfast, clear the pets out of the way, clean their stuff away, and put my yoga mat down. End of week 4, drama with my dad started.

He "had to do mom's eulogy at the park by Labor Day, or something terrible would happen. He was terribly unwell. He had stage 2 pressure sores he wouldn't show me that he was supposed to get home health for but didn't get started on time because he didn't pick up the phone or return calls (I got this in place, but not until the following Monday). Friday he started shivering and shaking. Home health wasn't going to be here till Monday, the nurse advice line said he had to be evaluated for sepsis and should go to an emergency room. He wouldn't go but looked scary so I called 911 and had paramedics pull him out of his bedroom and evaluate him. They said he needed to be watched over the next several days for any further signs of sepsis. Next day he said his foot was infected. same drama cycle. Nothing real. But he got me back to fetching and carrying and hopping for him, doing one favor that turned into 200 and left me sweating and gasping like I just did cardio.

We still haven't made it to the park for him to do the eulogy.

I'm thinking he didn't like me being on a different time schedule and putting restrictions on him and what he could get and when (only available between 11:30and 5 for requests)... and his illness weekend was actually a little emotional blackmail and crying wolf to get me back under control. 

In any case, took me 2 weeks to get back on track. So I am catching up to the next challenge cycle 1 week behind, but I am up at 4:30am on time. Too tired for 6AM yoga. Need to get meals for the week setup, the house cleaned up, and a second night of an on-time bedtime. New habit for today is to make golden turmeric paste.

Yoga tomorrow. 

Never miss a monday.




Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/06/2020:
I'm so glad you posted. I've been thinking about you this past week, mostly in the mornings, wondering how you're doing. Are you affected at all by the fires?

I am glad that your dad was evaluated for sepsis. That can turn south very quickly. I suppose that while he's manageable, you'll manage (sort of). Until he's not manageable any more.

bearcountrygg on 09/06/2020:
Sepsis and bed sores are nothing to mess with...they turn very quickly......had a sister in law in the hospital last summer with sepsis and they weren't sure she would survive it....and she is in her 50's.......my Dad and father in law had bed sores....and it was so sad .......It is a lot for you to deal with......((HUGS))

Donkey on 09/07/2020:
Forget what I said above. I completely missed the gem in your post.


So life got in the way and derailed you for a bit. But for a while, your plan was working! Which means that you know what works, and you can always come back to that. (((hugs)))

Horn_of_plenty on 09/07/2020:
So! Weeks 1-3 sound...SUPER PRODUCTIVE! and we all know, well at least i do!, what a great planner you can be when you write down so many unsurmountable tasks (way more than i ever want to do in a day!)

that's some serious stuff with your dad. Please let u know what his updates are :) I am thinking kind thoughts for BOTH you and him.

happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 26, 2020
(Week 3 of getting back on an uncooperative mule)
Weight: 226.6

It;s 7:45pm and I'm in bed! Everything hurts and I want to die, but I did not commit any murders. 

I would tell you what my father said to me today but it was such a horrific caricature of crazy I've already blocked it out.

I was up on time but I did not do any yoga today. I had extra AM chores to get ready for the home health nurse, then I had to get the stuff out of the garage. I broke a lightbulb over my head and I am ok but my clothes are not. I need to figure out what to do with them soon. Then the caregiver came, and it really isn't a break but it is extra hands. Then I had to go get a new shower curtain. Then the home health nurse came. Then I brought in my dog, which sounds simple but is a process.

I may not get to do yoga tomorrow, I promised my dad I would take him to a park at dawn so he could read his eulogy to my mom. Yes he died over a year ago. Yes we've been fighting about it that long. Why? Because I have back, neck, and shoulder injuries, but he thinks I will push him (300+lbs, plus oxygen tanks and a medical backpack) there in a rollator over high tread asphalt. He's too cheap to pay for a scooter, even a rental. Forget bringing a caregiver. I'll take him there before it gets hot. He'll push his own rollator. If he can't get back to the car, we will call 911 or hope for some kind strangers. I don't think telling him to figure it out and I will see him at home is an option.

I bought a fresh spray can of sunscreen, which is basically poison but if he gets stuck at least I can spray him down.

At least I ate on track all day and did not fall off.

Dad's ice cream sandwiches sing to me with their sweet siren song.

Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/27/2020:

Donkey on 08/27/2020:
I'm so sorry. I can see that you are trying really hard, in a very trying situation. I hope this morning goes well... or at least that you can get your dad out and in the car again, and home.

I really give you props for sticking to your meal plan through all of this.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/27/2020:
yum to ice cream sandwiches!

i know how you feel. take your time. you pushed really hard, like donkey says, so take a rest and then keep on! you are doing really well.

legcramps on 08/27/2020:
Sounds like it was quite the day. I hope tomorrow goes well!

Maria7 on 08/28/2020:
I hope you do not injure yourself with pushing that heavy a load. Bless your heart. Take care of you.

thinkpositive on 08/29/2020:
Is it possible that he could get an electric scooter through Medicare if his Dr prescribes it?

Maria7 on 09/01/2020:
I hope you have had a good day today.

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 25, 2020
(Week 3 of getting back on an uncooperative mule)
Weight: 226.6

Motivation and morale are a little low today. I need to go get prescriptions, but I am so sore and tired I just dropped here on the couch.

Exsh says I am amazing. That just makes me want a bath and a haircut, neither of which I am going to see any time soon.

Dad just bobs along, not fathoming why I might be angry that I have to clean out his hoarded garage of dirty, filthy grossness. 

I will go get my prescriptions so that I will be healthy enough to get the paperwork done and gone through. I will not eat ice cream because it will make me weak and I need to do the paperwork.

I can do this. I spent money on meal delivery so that when I reach this point, I can level up with more fuel in the tank. I have gotten up at 4:30am and done yoga at 6am 5 days in a row. I can do this.


Home from getting prescriptions.

I had an F75 meal, then I decided to start with where I will collapse tonight to start again tomorrow. I sweated rivers getting the AC unit swapped and the doggie hospice bed setup. I decided I needed an icecream sandwich. Then I needed another one.


Still need to finish the garage work and it's 6pm, time to take sleep meds.


Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/25/2020:
Sometimes you just have to tie a knot and hang on...this too will pass and it will probably be something else tomorrow...I wrote to you in your post below too........Your Dad sounds a lot like my Mother...and it IS HARD!!! I guess we have both had a new found appreciation for what our other parents went through.......and maybe it isn't an accident that the difficult ones lived the longest......they weren't/aren't as stressed as the ones they totally wore out......if you need to place your Dad in some kind of care facility then that is what you need to do.....and they will be able to deal with him because they have cared for others like him.

Donkey on 08/26/2020:
I think you're amazing, too. I can really appreciate the F75 meals that you bought. I feel like that's one less thing to worry about.

I read the comments and conversation for your post yesterday. (I knew Bear would have some very insightful comments!) I'm sorry that Dad is and has been a difficult person to work with, even more so now. I know that you're doing your very best.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/26/2020:
if you are tired...do rest in...and try for more days of waking up early after 1 or two days of sleeping in. try to break into the habit to keep it...rather than forcing yourself every single day? that's my own advice.

i'm having a sleepy day here, too.

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 25, 2020
(Week 3 of getting back on an uncooperative mule)
Weight: 226.6

 Omfg. Taking care of my dad is going to kill me.

Had to clean the house top to bottom to get ready for home health nurses. 

Tomorrow I have to move all his hoard around in the garage for the garage door repair and f up my back again. 

I used to dress well, shower, wear makeup, have great hair.

Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/25/2020:
(((hugs))) I'll leave words of wisdom to some of the other members here. But I'm glad that you gave yourself permission to vent and let out your frustrations and feelings. I'm sorry that you're in this difficult situation.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/25/2020:
i can only imagine your struggle and i understand completely !!

sending you hugs as well as Donkey's!

and i agree, come here to vent :) stay strong!!

bearcountrygg on 08/25/2020:
((HUGS))......it is very difficult...been there and just about lost my mind ...the only thing that helped me was reminding myself that taking care of me was important too......for 7 1/2 years i juggled it all and shed a whole lot of tears...not that she knew though although poor D had to deal with that over the phone. For sure let it out to whom ever you can...and we will gladly listen as well. Getting it out is necessary. It is discouraging, exhausting, disgusting, scary, maddening and also sometimes rewarding...Let the caregivers do all the dirty work...they get paid for that......try to find something that you and your dad have in common...does he like to play cards? Do puzzles, something that you can spend a little good time with him...it will be worth the time it takes and may make him a little nicer to be around......Take care of yourself...you are worth it.....Be a little easier on yourself...take the easy way out sometimes and relax. Big projects just may not be possible.....maybe they are too overwhelming....maybe just a little at a time......I feel for you....I know what it's like.....BELIEVE ME...it isn't easy taking care of a person that doesn't always appreciate what you are doing for THEM...and that is why it is especially important to take care of yourself too.

happy-1 on 08/25/2020:
I am consoled to hear that you know this one and have been there. I need to find a caregiver support group.

There is only 1 caregiver, 6 hours total a week. The "dirty work" is doing anything that requires me exchanging more than 3 words or taking him anywhere.

I need to get through the paperwork and stuff to figure out the cash and get myself back to work and him into institutional level care.

There is nothing we have in common. He only does horse racing, with a rain man-like obsession. I can't keep up... He remembers the stats for every race since the 1920's in his head. Nothing else is of interest to him. No puzzles, no sightseeing. Just 99cent store, buffets, hamburgers, and horse racing. Always been that way.

I met a cousin I never met before last year who everyone said looked like him, but was actually a clone... It's something developmental... Aspergers, autism. You can't participate in anything with him and any deviation from his bubble produces level 10 anxiety freak outs. Worse as a senior.

happy-1 on 08/25/2020:
This cousin... they looked alike, they sounded alike, they were mirrors. And they could actually talk to each other. There was so much more in my dad than I ever knew.

Of course, as soon as I said "It's uncanny how much you two are alike", my dad hated him.

happy-1 on 08/25/2020:
But it wasn't until I met my cousin that I could even understand what my mom ever saw in him... Seeing the 20-something version of him, back in the 60's or 70's he just would have seemed a little awkward and odd. Nobody knew about Aspergers or Autism back then.

happy-1 on 08/25/2020:
He would have seemed sweet, lost, smart, and weird. Mom always had a heart for stray animals and hurt baby birds. He'd have hit that soft spot.

happy-1 on 08/25/2020:
I really miss my mom.

bearcountrygg on 08/25/2020:
You are probably correct hap.......there is probably a issue there that complicates things.....My Mom also had some kind of issue......I do know that when I was 10...she was in a car accident and had a head injury......as a matter of fact I also have a son who was in a motorcycle accident and had a head injury......They both are/were very difficult to communicate with on a typical level......both were /are very aware of their differences......in my Moms life..she never wrote a check.....My Dad did that and then after he passed I did.....she couldn't set up her pill boxes...and when one day that I was not there...she called me crying that she had been trying for an hour after spilling just 2 days worth...and she couldn't figure out those 2 days by comparing them to the other days that were still securely in the box...she couldn't compare and do that. Once during a colonoscopy she couldn't answer any questions...the nurse came out and told me she needed to be in some kind of dementia/alzheimers program because she couldn't answer the simplest of questions about herself......when i told the nurse she had been that way my entire life...she just looked at me with pity.....I know the frustration......You are probably right ...your dad may very well be autistic or have aspergers......and I wonder if my mom may have been also.....there are definite markers in her too. They have very narrow and precise personalities and can be very difficult.....for instance my Mom was obsessed with cutting things out of newspapers and magazines.....she left me to deal with 12 full size bins full of things she had cut out.....I found 40 pairs of scissors....she tried to get rid of some once...but found only 10 or 12 articles in a bin full of thousands....she said she was sorry she was leaving me that mess.....I just told her it was okay..that i would deal with it....and of course I did.....but she also told me very pointedly that I had better never get rid of her things...well...after she passed...I did...it was a unnatural demand as far as I was concerned...and most was donated and the bins of things she had cut out had to be gone through one by one...it took me days......she also became obsessed with casinos..and HAD to go at least 2 to 3 times a week and went to Vegas 2 times a year for 3 weeks each time......gambling became an obsession for her too........they really do sound a lot alike to me. One thing I can say for sure is that they don't react in normal ways......my Dad was an executive for Pontiac Motors.....he told us that he could never take my Mom to any work dinners...because you never knew what she was going to say or do...so he turned down ALL invitations to anything other than family functions.......it is interesting to me that you found a relative that looks and acts like him.....it can run in families......I get it...just do what you can do and don't worry about the rest....YOU COUNT TOO.....he probably can't help it and you probably can't change him....so just try to take his difficulties with a grain of salt and don't lose yourself in the process......((((HUGS))))

happy-1 - Sunday Aug 23, 2020
(Week 3 of getting back on an uncooperative mule)
Weight: 226.6

I make good plans and bad in the moment decisions.

Good plan: Get up at 4:30. Do the yoga at 6. Tidy from 7-8. 

Bad in the moment decision: 7:55 or so, check on dad, feel bad for how old sick and miserable he is. Decide to make eggs, sausage and blueberry pancakes.

4h later, I'm still recovering. Too many things went haywire while making and cleaning up pancakes.  I had two loads of dog pee laundry, the cat got diarrhea, things were in front of other things and I made a huge mess.

Supposed to do more paperwork today. Haven't started yet.

Contemplating a 9x9 drawstring tarp to go under the dog bed beore I bring her back in. This morning was awful.


I did it. I bought the tarp. i dunno if it will work, but the concept is that if there is another morning like this one, I pull the drawstrings  closed, pull the whole thing out in front of the house with a hose and sort it out after yoga is over without putting anything in the tub that might block my dad.

I also bought dad a different tub bench. Make it easier for him to get in and out.


I started ok:

  • Protein shake with matcha

Then something that sounded like a good idea at the time:

  • Blueberry pancake, egg, sausage, oil

Things I ate I shouldn't have after that:

  • All the burned pancakes
  • extra sausage
  • 2 ice cream sandwiches
  • 1 frozen pizza

Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/23/2020:
I think you mean well, but it does seem as though your time gets completely derailed by ambitious projects that are well-intended but then realty hits. (Believe me - I completely get this.)

If I can commiserate with you, after waking up 2 nights in row to one of the cats scratching, on night 3, I figured out that it's one of the cats pooping in the corner of my bedroom! It is AMAZING to me that I couldn't smell it sooner. So now I have one cat who is incontinent, and one cat who is pooping in the bedroom. The other cat, my boy Jack, has no issues that I know of yet.

bearcountrygg on 08/23/2020:
I get overwhelmed when I plan too many things too....when that happens I just plan for one thing a day....( and also do the automatic ones too).....

happy-1 on 08/23/2020:
how is it only 2h until I have to start going to bed?

happy-1 on 08/23/2020:
And when did I have to start counting "making breakfast" as the one thing I do in a day?

Horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2020:
perhaps the early wake-up and lost of activity caused you to be very hungry. this would DEF have happened to me, also..

happy-1 on 08/23/2020:
Nooo... It's more that I felt so great after yoga and one haywire Morning put me down for the count for the day.

legcramps on 08/24/2020:
I think you need to be kinder to yourself. You're doing the best you can in each moment, and we're all susceptible to making the bad decisions, believe me.

Berating yourself for the negatives is only going to breed more negative. I'm not trying to sound hippy-dippy, but acceptance could be a nice starting point here.

happy-1 - Saturday Aug 22, 2020
(Week 3 of getting back on an uncooperative mule)
Weight: 226.6

I pulled off another 6am yoga class today. Yay me. I can do this.

Optimistically, I went and booked every 6AM class they have between now and next Sunday. 

I pulled together my daily time plan for getting myself up at 4:30am everyday. I took very careful notes on where my time went all week and figured out how much I could reasonable pull off of bomb-proof productive time and when I have to take sleep meds by to be up at 4:30 am for 6am yoga. It didn't make me happy. I have to shut off my phone, tv, and everything else at 6pm. I have to be in bed by 7:45pm and asleep by 8pm. Which leaves out everything and anything fun ever.

Next step is to make Alexa scripts to keep me on task/on time for each time block. I'm hoping if she verbally does time keeping for each block over a day, I will stay on track. The thing is, she doesn't follow you from room to room, so you either have to make it play on each speaker at the same time, or only one and hope you notice the popups on your phone.




Psych tricks for applying positive reinforcement to food choices... Of the 6 they list:

  1. Add a new food to your grocery list each week... Pass. I can't make my life any more complicated.
  2. Keep one old food in... Trying this currently with my weekly cheat meal. I end up with multiple cheat meals. It's only supposed to be 1, but it is multiple.
  3. Add a new meal to the mix... Kind of doing this with Factor75. 
  4. Add a new healthy restaraunt to your list... Pass during quarantine. Plus restaraunt food doesn't seem like a yummy thing. It's not as good as I remember.
  5. Add a new recipe every week... Pass. Too complicated.
  6. Add a treat... Bingo! I'm going for daily with the melted chocolate/greek yogurt ice cream and blueberries. Why am I not eating that right now?

To avoid falling off track:

  1. Know what your temptations are and be prepared. My temptation is actually Netflix and Internet when I should be doing something else, getting tired, and getting hungry again instead of falling asleep.
  2. Control your environment. Keep temptations out of your kitchen. Thus the mini kitchen in my bedroom. If everything is already in there I don't need to double back out to the kitchen where dad's ice cream sandwiches are.
  3. Have a plan and commit to it. This is my meal plan. I'll post that tomorrow.
  4. Have a backup plan to your backup plan. I don't know what this would be.
  5. Make decisions ahead of time. Even with meal delivery, there are still 3 snacks a day to go off track with. Yesterday I was supposed to have pizza as my cheat meal. I ened up with 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. I still want pizza. It is all I can think about. I guess I should have had the pizza... but didn't buy it till today. Maybe I shouldn't have ordered it today.
  6. Set realistic goals so you don't "freeze and flake". I do this all the time. It is overwhelming. There is so much I need to do to be where I want to be I can't think.
  7. Plan regular treats to keep yourself happy. More than just food, use non-food rewards. Kind of hard during quarantine, and also with a leaky old dog. I am having a hard time deciding whether a second set of yoga blocks is a vital tool or a treat. Airpods, probably a treat. Lotto tickets, definitely a treat.
  8. Be nice to yourself when things don't go as planned. Like someone once told me... Kicking yourself for getting off track just makes it harder to get back on track because you fell of track but you also got kicked. Give yourself a hug, the hug feels good.
  9. Recover normally. Don't cut other calories, do an extra workout. Stay on plan and let it work itself out. I struggle with this and time more than food... and end up missing bedtime, so everything else falls off track. I am glad I made the calendar, because I can look at it and tell what I need to be doing right now to be on track.

Plan it out.

  1. Imagine a situation that gives you trouble. I struggle the most with making it to workouts.
  2. Identify how your elephant trips you up. I am tired or cranky and my neck hurts and everything seems too hard. Or it feels too mean to put my ancient dog out on the patio... like pulling a hospice patient out of bed and tossing tem in the parking lot. Hardly the case... dog house, patio lounge bed, water, plants, shade sail. But still.
  3. Choose two devices: One to help your rider and one to keep it happy. No idea how to do this actually... Guess it is time to ask the goal coach.






Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/23/2020:
Somehow, I have 2 Echo Dot devices. Inspired by your post, I realize that these should be set up.

I found out difficult to answer some of these (Noom?) prompts too.

happy-1 on 08/23/2020:
Right? Like just too complicated. My head hurts.

happy-1 on 08/23/2020:
This morning Alexa turned on the light and told me to get up and played music. I need to work on the timing and find a better playlist, but it was really helpful.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2020:
nicely done on your early wake-up!!!! :)

happy-1 - Friday Aug 21, 2020
(Week 3 of getting back on an uncooperative mule)
Weight: 226.6

I DID IT!!!!! I got up at 4:30AM and did yoga at 6AM!!!

Now I just need to do it 4 times a week for forever...

One foot in front of the other. It completely wiped me out. I am practically dooling on myself. I reset up all the pet stuff in my bedroom... did 2 sinks of dishes, showered, brought my dog back in, went to the post office and my getup and go vanished.

Tomorrow will have to be my business day. Too tired to think. Visualizing how I will get up heroically and fight/do battle tomorrow.


Dad says he wants to learn to use Instacart. I think this is a great idea. I feel a little guilty for not ordering his stuff today... but he's asleep so we couldn't do the lesson.


Reading more Noom articles.

Cravings: I crave... everything. All food all the time. I don't have a specific craving, except for pizza.

Set your first SMART goal: I actually couldn't do this one. I asked the Noom coach how to frame "I want to get up at 4:30AM 4x a week to do yoga at 6AM." as a SMART goal. We'll see what she says. Her answers tend to be a little empty.

My phase in the motivational model... HYPE. Your motivation apparently goes through cycles and then a new life event will put you back at the start again.

I am in HYPE mode because I just set up a kitchenette in my bedroom to keep me out out of my dad's food (bread, ice cream sandwiches, processed crap) when I am hungry and tired.


One foot in front of the other.


Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/22/2020:
Oh how cute is your kitchenette!!! Good for you!

I agree with the chart. When motivation is down, that's when discipline kicks in. It would be interesting to compare this graph with a graph of how discipline (or a habit, if you prefer) develops.

I could see dad getting carried at with instacart. What do you think?

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2020:
i like your setup and how things are stored high up on the wall....good useage of your space!

also, great goal to get up early and even better that you did it. i've been talking about SMART goals in a class i'm taking and...well...that wouldn't have been a SMART goal for me because it's not something i generally do well....to get up that early!

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 18, 2020
(Week 3 of getting back on an uncooperative mule)
Weight: 226.6

One foot in front of the other.

Sent dad off to the dentist for an exam and some dentures. He more or less crawled in and went straight for the AC, so I don't know how that went yet.

I, motivated by guilt, attacked removing the old linoleum from the kitchen floor with a fair degree of success. Then I was in and out of the shower by the time they walked through the door. 

Everything hurts and I want pizza.


Reading article on Noom again (starting from Day 1).

Things to help them pick a coach for me:

  • I am detail-oriented. I notice the small things.
  • When I have had a hard day, tough love helps me persevere.
  • A coach should give me practical tips.
  • Health scale 1 - My diet and activity need a lot of work
  • I don’t have a strong preference on how I help people.

Goal setting:

  • Skill level 1, Newbie - What's a goal again?
  • Super Goal - I want my life back.
  • Ultimate Why - I want to be in better physical condition so I can do the things that make me happy.

Behavior chain for my worst habit:

  • Bad habit - Skipping/avoiding/forgetting a workout.
  • My thought - Mostly overwhelm at the thought of even trying to do it, for various reasons… I’m in pain/hungry/tired/overwhelmed/not ready/the pets want something/my dad wants something/it’s too hot/the house is dirty/there’s too many people outside/I don’t like the neighborhood, etc.
  • Trigger: Stressful or emotional day, being tired/hungry, not enough time, inertia.
Ok. time to go eat something before I bite someone.




Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/19/2020:
Very insightful list of the good and the bad. I hope you find that to be helpful, i.e. refer back to it from time to time.

legcramps on 08/19/2020:
I get that you feel guilty about letting the caretaker take your Dad to the dentist, but I think that will lessen the more you do it. So, keep doing it. You need the time - either for yourself, or to get other things done. If you feel bad about it, that's ok, that's probably normal. But don't let your guilt force you back into negative patterns with your Dad. The slight separation it provides you could be life-saving.

Also, i'm with you on the thoughts against getting a workout in. I have those thoughts too, almost all the time. I even have those thoughts about working a shift at the gym. When, once i'm there, i'm having the time of my life. Same with a workout - i'm usually having fun once I get going. Maybe the one thing you could do this week is acknowledge the triggers that are stopping you from working out. If you know exactly what they are, you might be able to better prepare yourself for them next week!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/20/2020:
well written entry over here with a good amount of thought put in..seems you already know your temptations and reasons why you do things. I have a feeling you have a lot of the power to do a lot of your own diet and homework on your own. I feel you aren't a beginner compared to other beginners and that you are many steps ahead of where you think you are...keep on!

happy-1 - Monday Aug 17, 2020
(Week 3 - Sunday)
Weight: 226.6

One foot in front of the other.

Out of factor75 meals (they cover 6 days) and I really feel the difference. I had 3 meals and a snack and I'm still hungry. I don't know what is in the Factor 75 meals... but they actually turn off the "I'm hungry" distraction. I need to pay closer attention to the ingredients.

Brain is just not switching into gear today. I keep working on my calendar and project plan but I'm not actually getting anything done. I unexpectedly got my afternoon back (caregiver was moved to tomorrow) and I am not attacking anything, my brain is just dithering about like a fish on dry land. It wants to map out all my random ideas and organize things that don't need to be organized, not what I want it to do.

On top of this lack of productivity, I stuck my dad going with the caregiver to the dentist and the dermatologist Tuesday and Wednesday. I feel like a jerk for that... I don't know why. That is what the caregiver is for... but I feel like a jerk anyway. On the other hand, I will get two back to back days to work on the kitchen floor without stopping to pick everything up and put it away so he can get to the fridge and the microwave. So there's that.

Noom coach asked today, "What is one thing you will do this week to support your health and wellness journey?" I have no idea what to pick. I'm trying everything I can think of to feel better, get stronger, dig myself out and get back to work. One thing? Like one thing more, or one of the million things I am already trying that aren't getting the job done?


Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/17/2020:
well, that's great the Factor 75 meals worked so well (i'm also sure you liked their convenience!)

You've got to be one of the BIGGEST planners i know! :)

so did you answer the noom coach's question??? i always feel like it's easy to pick one thing (if i have an easy list to choose from of multiple things on my agenda...)

happy-1 on 08/18/2020:
She gave me a nonsense answer. I started my Noom course over a bunch of times so I had "catch up on Noom articles" as a line item for my week. I asked her if that was what she meant or if there was something else specifically.

happy-1 on 08/18/2020:
I plan and I plan, but get very little done. Sigh.

happy-1 on 08/18/2020:
The Factor75 meals are working out so far in that they are helping me eat clean and get some time back to rest and tackle things for myself I haven't been doing. Also, with back/neck pain, I can spend more upright time GTD to move forward instead of managing food until the time I get back for myself to do yoga pays off with less pain. All the packaged meals at the store, even meals at stores like Trader Joe's (even the salads) are pretty high in added sugars and refined/processed foods... Which means inflammation and pain. Whole Foods packaged meals are a little better, but not by much, cost a little more, and who wants to truck over there every week?

Donkey on 08/18/2020:
How DID you answer the Noom question? I'm trying to think how I would answer, and I'm not sure, actually.

You're being too hard on yourself. It's ok to utilize the caregiver. (((hugs)))

happy-1 on 08/18/2020:
I had "catch up on Noom articles" as a line item for my week. I asked her if that was what she meant or if there was something else specifically.

Then because I dunno she will give me a better answer this time... I went through a couple of the articles and posted my answers to see how she responds:

Goal setting - Newbie. What’s a goal? I am detail-oriented. I notice the small things. When I have had a hard day, tough love helps me persevere. A coach should give me practical tips. Health scale 1 - My diet and activity need a lot of work I don’t have a strong preference on how I help people. Super Goal - I want my life back. Ultimate Why - I want to be in better physical condition so I can do the things that make me happy.

happy-1 on 08/18/2020:
For how you would answer... Based on your log today, it would be "Do a yoga class" or "Find a free yin yoga class at a time that works for me."

It's always easier to do it for someone else.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/18/2020:
totally get your comments back. i think some days you plan so much and you are accomplishing lots. it's hard to care for a parent!

happy-1 - Sunday Aug 16, 2020
(Week 3 - Sunday)
Weight: 226.6

Feeling a ton better. If it turns out that I have been spinning my wheels the past few years because I haven't been eating enough fat and protein, I'm going to... I dunno, but something.


Onwards and upwards. One foot in front of the other. 

Made a meal plan for the week.

Trying to set daily goals, but it is harder than it sounds. It's like sudoku... What can I actually do in a day, vs what do I want to do?

Heat wave here. Too hot to move.

Progress as of today: 90.4 lbs lost so far, only 66.6 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/17/2020:
good meal plan! hopefully you don't waste the food or don't eat it all!

i actually WASTED 2 pieces of meat (small pieces) and 1 piece of chicken this week! so dumb. already cooked, i didn't freeze them and now they are spoiled!

happy-1 on 08/17/2020:
It happens sometimes. I hate that too. This week we have a heat wave and the fridge kicked into high gear. Froze my 3 bunches of Cilantro. Very frustrating. I stuck it in the freezer but I don’t know what to do with it.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/17/2020:
can your pets eat cilantro?

happy-1 on 08/18/2020:
They can, but my dog is almost 25 (175!) and the cat is a former alley cat. He is still learning how to eat healthy.

I might try to make that green sauce from Indian restaurants (mint, serranos, ginger, garlic, lemon or lime)

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