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happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 10, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

220.3. At least I’m not gaining a ton of weight even though I have a cold. I swear God sent the cold just to make sure I show up for that GP appointment on Thursday because I was freaking out and thinking about not going. Now I need to go to get asthma meds and antibiotics. A cosmic gorilla joke.

However, my streak continues. 11 days pain-free. 17 days of graindart productivity and progression towards IHMST (I Have My Stuff Together... I need to stop cursing). Had some aches and pains last night, the room was too hot, felt kind of swimmy, and I was starving but it could have been my cold, not my neck.

Continuing to pull my total picture together. I am a little freaked out and started to panic, but I am smart and capable and I can do this. Better to be feeling better and cleaing up a mess than not feeling better and still blundering around.

Last night in yoga I was able to grab my toes in a seated position and stretch my legs all the way to the floor. It was definitely on the edge of pain, but feeling fine today. I can’t remember if I could do that in high school. I think not.

Every day makes me better and better. Doing DDP yoga in the park tonight instead of class so I don’t get people sick.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/10/2018:
Every day you are getting better and better......that's great!

happy-1 on 10/10/2018:

horn_of_plenty on 10/10/2018:
you're certainly feeling so good!!! pretty amazing, despite having a minor cold. luckily it's nothing worse!

are you sure you do not need to go to class??

you've gotta also feel good on your yoga progress.

17-day streak is just outstanding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy-1 on 10/10/2018:
I got too sweaty and sick yesterday in yoga class. Pretty much went home and passed out. Better to stay home and avoid this teacher since she's pregnant.

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 09, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Saw OT yesterday and it wasn’t as productive as I would have liked. She wasn’t prepared for me to be “back”... more like next steps for someone in chronic pain... but I’m 10 days pain-free. Still, tiny steps forward. Caught a cold Saturday and I wasn’t feeling too hot and I didn’t want to miss yoga so I had some dark chocolate buttons. This morning I woke up at 3:30am with more of a cold and had peppermint tea with agave. So added sugar but normal portions... it’s not like I fell off the wagon. More medicinal, so I’m not counting that as breaking my graindart streak. Day 16.

Had another time standstill moment yesterday. I got to the OT appointment, ate some of the lunch I packed and put on makeup while waiting. Even has time to brush and floss before going in. It was nice to feel “put together “ there for once.

My dog is being extra lovey to me today to let me know that she is very sorry for ****ting my bed last night and is super embarrassed about that. Of course I forgive my ancient fur baby.

Yoga teacher yesterday said that I did great in my level 2 class and she’s shocked at how fast my body is changing and how my balance is improving. It must be all the non-processed foods the nutritionist on Rise is pushing me towards. My dog would like you all to know that she has changed her opinion on yoga classes. She’s not a big fan of being stuck at home but she really enjoyed being butt to butt this morning and getting her ears scratched at the same time. Definitely woof it.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/09/2018:
There is some kind of sinus/cold thing going around my office, too. I don't have it, but my daughter seems to have caught something -- maybe from her work. I too don't count medicinal treatments (e.g. whiskey) as going off plan.

happy-1 on 10/09/2018:
Lol. Another whiskey girl. What’s your poison, and straight or on the rocks?

happy-1 on 10/09/2018:
And I was shocked how much the peppermint tea helped even with agave instead of honey.

graindart on 10/09/2018:
Woke up at just after 3am myself this morning. Was wide awake. Knew I should try to go back to sleep, but decided to get a few things done on the computer instead. Just made breakfast for the family and they'll be leaving for school soon. It's only 7am now, but I'm already starting to lag. Will definitely be ready for bed early tonight.

happy-1 on 10/09/2018:
Good job! I just wandered around in a fog and cleaned things (microwave, dishes, etc.). My brain isn’t on till I’ve walked my dog.

BearCountryGG on 10/09/2018:
Pain free is awesome.....it just does not get any better than that!!! Eating better and stretching in yoga classes is working well for you my friend......keep those up!!!

happy-1 on 10/09/2018:
Hugs! Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I don’t think I’d be this far along without DD and the folks on it.

BearCountryGG on 10/09/2018:
Your dog reminds me of our last house dog...she lived to be a very old lady....pathetic to look at...and leaking all over the place.....she was such a sweetie though....she was always jealous of the cat that always seemed to be on the furniture....she was an English setter ( black and white)...and our refusal to let her on the furniture made her unhappy and sad....but it was a decision we made.....she would sit and glare at the cat.....so once in awhile I would rock her...she was all elbows and knees....sitting with all of her legs perched in the air.on my lap...and laying her head back against mine..she was in heaven......

happy-1 on 10/09/2018:
Aaaaaaaaaaw. I do that at the campfire. I burrito her in a kiddie sleeping bag and hold her on my lap while scratching her ears. I can never believe that my big plush toy is the same crazy dog that used to try to bite me and growled at me if I came too close. You’d think she never had a bad day in her life to look at her now. Dogs are great.

BearCountryGG on 10/09/2018:
yeah...….nothing quite like a dog that wants to cuddle...they truly love with all of their hearts.

happy-1 on 10/10/2018:
She had to eat dog food tonight because I need to go food shopping. On the other side of the room with her back to me. Definitely a message

horn_of_plenty on 10/09/2018:
Seems PT / OT woman who wasn't prepared to have you "back" in on a money-making hunt! - PS - many doctors are!

I guess having an old dog can lead to old dog issues like her bed accident

happy-1 on 10/10/2018:
Yeah, but I don’t get that vibe from her. It’s more that she comes from privilege and has never had to deal with any of this... plus I literally did a 180 once my neck and shoulders were in the right position. Like a big fog lifted. My yoga teachers all say I don’t look or sound like the same person. They just don’t see radical turnarounds that much... Remember... I’m not just doing the OT program. A LOT of work went into getting healthier. I’m doing DD, a daily health education challenge, Rise, Classpass, DDP Yoga, 2 dog walks a day, church, and a giant supplement stack. I also gave up my career, independent adulthood, and crashed on my parents couch to make those changes. People rarely throw themselves 100% into making changes on that level. She was prepared for a different kind of meeting.

happy-1 - Monday Oct 08, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Day 15 of my graindart streak. 9 days pain, headache, and fog free. I went to a CERT class on Saturday with friends. Sunday I went through personal paperwork and started picking up the pieces. It is shocking how little I got done the past 2 years. Such minor tasks. Augh. Had this weird experience where I went to the 99 cent store that nearly always takes forever on a sunday (I really, really needed binder dividers) but this time I was out and home in time to change my shirt, eat, and still make it to church on time. Like time stood still and gave me an extra 3 hours. Or I’m just feeling that much better and I did things in a normal time allowance. I haven’t had to lay down and take a break to rest my neck in a couple of weeks now.

Today I do paperwork, see the OT, and go to yoga. Car is already packed and ready for yoga. Healthy snacks are in the fridge and prepped to go. I woke up on time and had my oatmeal with an apple (super hungry today, ready to nibble on my dog). I figured out how to pair an old bluetooth hr monitor with the ddp yoga app and I am ready to start recording my workouts.

Taking advantage of every minute to turn it all around.

Can’t wait for yoga today. The teacher yesterday is super pregnant and I thought I was getting a cold so I skipped her AM double header (she is really, really incredible and does an amazing class). Spent all day yesterday thinking about every sore spot on my body and how much better it would feel if I had gone and turned myself into a pretzel for a couple of hours. I used to longingly think about jacuzzis that way.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/08/2018:
You accomplished a lot. I'm impressed!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/08/2018:
Wow! This entry is written like a breath of fresh air! wow, you sound fabulous like you are feeling so good like a weight was lifted off of you!

When i'm super hungry i sometimes go for oatmeal too but i'm always still needed a snack a couple hours after it when i have like a minor sugar dip! does this happen to you!?

good eats and organization you have going on!

Keep up the great work, Happy!

graindart on 10/08/2018:
Good job continuing the streak. Glad you're feeling better physically.

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 06, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Glad DD is back! Felt so isolated while it was down

Day 13 of my Graindart streak. I got up at 5 and took my CERT class as my test of whether I can sit through a work day. I felt almost there... Like another couple of weeks of daily yoga and I have a shot at a lower back that will do that. I think my lower back is weakened. I was more distractable than I would normally want to be. Partially because I was starving the whole time. I’m burning 3500 calories a day right now and I was just so hungry. Partially because it was so freaking boring. I might need to stretch more at breaks.

It was nice to hang with friends for the day. Looking forward to next week.

Deleted all photos, texts, calls, and other trails of OOMLG. Out of sight, out of mind. No need to torture myself with a guy that’s not into me.

Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

graindart on 10/07/2018:
Keep the streak alive and you'll be enjoying the new scale numbers over the next couple weeks. You'll be dropping into the teens and hitting that 100 lbs lost mark.

happy-1 on 10/07/2018:
Can’t wait. I feel so much better, on the level of a miracle.

Donkey on 10/07/2018:
Donkey is cheering you on!

happy-1 on 10/08/2018:
what’s a donkey cheer? A bray? Why am I picturing the donkey from shrek?

happy-1 on 10/08/2018:
what’s a donkey cheer? A bray? Why am I picturing the donkey from shrek?

Horn_of_plenty on 10/08/2018:
Me too! i was missing DD like MAD!

WOW that is some serious calorie burn! wow! i'd be eating all sorts of treats if that were me! oh my! fries for days hahaha.

good job getting back on track. With certain guys, i have had to delete all traces too. and now, when i get this urge to contact a guy that would be for nothing other than a casual experience, i find myself talking myself out of it! for the first time in my life, i feel i have ENOUGH. i have a male friend, R, that i hang out with and sometimes am "romantic" with. and it's SO ENOUGH for me! although i don't want him as my boyfriend, he is a good friend. this is all i want for now.

but back to the deleting of men and all the reminders, i have had to do this quite a number of times in my life. well, maybe more like just 3 or 4 times in major cases. At least 2 of the times, i liked the guy like head over heals. it took a lot of reminders at first to realize that they weren't giving me in return what i wanted...and it took me YEARS to forget them. so hard. both men i had known for numerable years and both men it took me double the years i knew them to forget them. i liked them that much..still i am reminded of them, but i cannot go back to even trying because for a good reason the first is married and doesn't live in this state, so he's done...

and the second one went out of his way to finally show me we couldn't date. it was so hard. but he is unattainable. it seems he's single mostly or maybe gay or maybe doesn't want a "live in" woman...but either case he's late 40's and not married and i don't think it'll happen for him until he's past 50. i am not sure, he seemed like a good catch at the time, but he's not. still you see i think about him, but, i know i cannot reach out that it'd get me nowhere :) but perhaps being ignored !

happy-1 - Thursday Oct 04, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 220.0

Down! .7 of a lb. Also took measurements and I lost 4% bodyfat with that 1.7lb plateau bust!!!! Holy smokes, Batman! I'm at 35.7% bodyfat and 31% is considered healthy. 

- 1/2 inch off my ribs

- 1 inch off my waist

- 2.5 inches off my butt

Somehow, my boobs and calves both got bigger by 1/2 an inch. No explanation.

Day 11 of Graindart streak. Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.

He might have been my nose punch from God, but I can work hard and be out of OOMLG's league, right? 

I'm trying. Managing to GSD today.


Progress as of today: 97 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 03, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 220.7

Yoga teacher today says that I look like a completely different person now since I started and that I carry myself with a completely different energy. I feel amazing and that is a non-scale victory I will absolutely take.

No weigh in today, forgot, but Day 10 of my Graindart streak of having my **** together.

I got things done. I even wore heels. I put my street clothes back on after yoga tonight so that I can continue kicking ass and taking names. Let’s get all this crap done that has been weighing me down and making me cry. I’m not losing one more opportunity for happiness.

Also a little proud of myself for buying a birthday card and lotto tikets and leaving it for Erica (waitress) with Shawn (waiter) and doing it without writing it down on my list the day I planned to do it and without making it overly complicated. A few weeks ago that would have been all I got done this week :)

A little freaked out about my GP appointment next week... partially because I feel like I will suddenly just have a whole new list of problems after I go. Partially because I desperately don’t want to get bad news. Partially because I am going to ask about fertility testing. I always assumed I was off the list for being someone anyone wanted to have kids with at 35. And dating was always so awful I just couldn’t even see bothering with fertility testing because nobody decent was looking at me for any of that. The only guys that have ever been interested in me didn’t want kids. But a great guy that wants that and looked at me and said “maybe her”... Augh it is messing with my head.

Progress as of today: 96.3 lbs lost so far, only 14.7 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/04/2018:
What a lovely compliment from your yoga teacher!

Day #10! impressive! I am also very impressed by you and Grains as of late! You both are motivating me to keep on! and be positive!

Heals! how nice! whenever i'm wearing heals...yeah, i'm decked out!

thoughtful to think of others on their bday...i'm quite positive they'll be pleasantly surprised!! :)

Try to not fall head over heals into a guy at the beginning...get to know him....you be your positive self ...try not to let guys or events change your self worth and positivity.

happy-1 on 10/04/2018:
I'm not in love with him, LOL. I'm just super flattered. It's a HUGE ego and morale boost to have been contacted by him on OKcupid... and I've been struggling to identify what I want to do and what my 5 year goals should be. It's like going on vacation and looking at the real estate office posters and seeing an incredible deal on the perfect house... but you aren't ready to buy it.

It's more of a nose punch from God to wake up and see the possibilities when you've been so down you couldn't see any possibilities.

BearCountryGG on 10/04/2018:
Pure Happiness!!!!

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 03, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 220.7

Second post for today, but two things so shocking to me they deserve to be called out separately at the end of the day....

1) I haven’t had to lay down and “rest” at all since Friday. Friday my shoulder was out but I didn’t have to lay down for hours at all. I was losing up to 5 hours a day laying on the couch in pain for 2 years? How is that possible?

2) Out of My League Guy texted again tonight. I could swear he wasn’t into me. He wanted to go on a night hike but didn’t even try to make out with me... But is still texting???


Progress as of today: 96.3 lbs lost so far, only 14.7 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/03/2018:
I would say with item #2, to just enjoy the company. We can always use another friend in this world, if nothing else.

happy-1 on 10/03/2018:
Yeah, I know. But it’s hard not to hope that an amazing guy who wants kids wants me too and hopes crushed leads to depression. And at the same time I am kicking myself for every wrong path I have ever taken that the first guy I met that was awesome that looked at me and said “Maybe her” I am not ready for and possibly out of time to have kids with.

horn_of_plenty on 10/03/2018:
I agree with Donkey...on #2

and for #1, i'm glad you are better with your time management :)

happy-1 on 10/04/2018:
I can think again now that my neck feels better.

Hugs. Really glad I have you guys to talk to in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep and I have angst.

BearCountryGG on 10/03/2018:
#1...yoga helping stretch tight muscles? #2.....I agree with the others...friends are good to have.

happy-1 on 10/04/2018:
Yeah... just weird because I’m not on his list of future moms and I forgot how badly I wanted that at one point.

Maria7 on 10/03/2018:
Hoping you are feeling much better today.

happy-1 on 10/04/2018:
So much better. Big hugs

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 02, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 220.7

Day 9 of my Graindart streak. Stayed up a little too late last night by accident. Just spaced out, but still got up at a reasonable time this morning. Also, I ate half a burrito last night, and 3 corn chips, but I didn’t eat the whole burrito. I bought it because I used the facilities at a mexican place while I was waiting for yoga and didn’t want to leave without buying anything. At least I didn’t have brownies when I got home last night. I resisted and drank seltzer instead.

Still my weight was up today... probably from all the salt in that burrito.


Also had an epiphany today about something that Out Of My League Guy said while camping about a fight I had with my best friend from high school that I swear I did not understand till an hour ago and it dawned on me what she was saying. I think this guy and her husband would really get along, so I sucked it up, sent an apology to her husband and asked if I could connect them. Maybe that bridge isn’t so burned that he doesn’t just ignore it and will reply and I can offer some value in making a connection between quality people. At least that’s how the world should work, even if it doesn’t. And at least I tried. Amends to the people you have hurt.

I have the distinct suspicion that Out of My League Guy was a message from God along the lines of, “Hey, ***hat, now that I have your attention, this is what you could have had if you had stayed on track and not gotten lost in your own BS.”

Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around, right?

Also this epiphany partially came via a path laid down by my friend from church, so I sent her a text that thanked her for all the time and effort that she has put into me, and that I would explain later and just wanted to send her good vibes in the moment.

Then I went and got an amazing burger at my favorite place. It was just the birthday of my favorite waitress... the one that is nice to me and makes me feel welcome.

And also how can I forget the DD folks who let me share my thoughts, comment, and force me to think. I am working on many things but I can only get value from them if I have a place to “think”.


Progress as of today: 96.3 lbs lost so far, only 14.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/02/2018:
Talking things out even when using a keyboard helps me process them too.

Donkey on 10/02/2018:
Wonderful epiphanies! I'm thrilled for you!

happy-1 on 10/02/2018:
Hugs. I guess. I figure it all out eventually

happy-1 - Monday Oct 01, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 220.7

Broke my plateau today by a pound at least (I weighed in after breakfast)!!!! 220.7.

Bittersweet because of a guy, but more on that later. Let's focus instead that I am on Day 8 of my Graindart streak of having my **** together, had a great camping trip, my ancient puppydog had fun, we both ate healthy and made new friends... and I came home safely. I'm even on task and working on getting my computer issues diagnosed today.

DIVINE! Can you STAND it?

Progress as of today: 96.3 lbs lost so far, only 14.7 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/01/2018:
lol, a GRAINDART streak! hehehe...

he is having his sh*t together too, so a good comparison!

you sound so refreshed from a good camping trip! :)

happy-1 on 10/01/2018:
OMG. I had so much fun.

BearCountryGG on 10/01/2018:
Congrats....Plateaus are a bummer!!

happy-1 on 10/01/2018:
TY! Success breeds success so I am doing my best to do my best today.

graindart on 10/01/2018:
Your streak is a day more than my current one. Easier to stay focused when you see progress on the scale. No screw-ups and you'll be out of the 220's in a matter of days. Good job.

happy-1 on 10/02/2018:
Thank you!!! Consistency is key.

Donkey on 10/01/2018:
Way to go!! And good to hear from you!

happy-1 on 10/02/2018:
Hugs! Yes. Was offline a bit with headaches, extra yoga, and getting ready for camping, then camping. Missed you guys.

happy-1 - Wednesday Sep 26, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

No weigh in, Day 3 of having it together. Splitting headache last night and today. Possibly dehydration. Fingers were like raisins on the tips and as soon as I drank water it was a lot better. I need some hot tea, but decaf and no sugar sooo.... New habit I need to figure out. Highly motivated for that today though... yoga teacher last night says my posture has really improved since I started there.

I have so much to do but I am obsessed with getting everything planned and packed for the camping trip. Part of my problem is that I want to look good because I feel good, but I don’t know how to pull off cute while camping and everything that fits me is black!!! Not cute while camping. Clearly this requires another vision board but... ugh. Time!

1 hour and 20 min before yoga tonight. How do I best use this time???? Brain keeps bouncing around and not focusing because I am hungry. Pizza. Pinterest. DD.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2018:
sounds like you are racing with your thoughts. i guess you were dehydrated if your fingers were like that. have more water yes.

and the headache is also due to dehydration.

feel better :)

maybe have a protein based snack / meal to feel better.

happy-1 on 10/02/2018:
Yeah, I need something to monitor hydration levels for sure. I am not self aware enough to make the connection myself.

Donkey on 09/28/2018:

happy-1 on 10/02/2018:

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