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happy-1 - Tuesday Sep 25, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Woke up with zero pain, dizziness, spaciness, or headaches.My right shoulder woke up and said ow today after I hauled things out to the car... but it’s normal “I overdid it at yoga last night” pain, not “omg, what’s that burning sensation and why am I suddenly incontinent” pain. Didn’t trust it so I gave myself a slow start today... but because I felt so good when my dad woke up in a foul mood I quickly headed out to my favorite burger joint with my go box of mail and stuff I need to do to get through my day (because I had it together all day yesterday and did all my stuff at bedtime). Still need to brain dump my distractions in order to get started, but yesterday I was able to clear my brain with lower level stuff and then do 2 important things on my list like a goddamn adult... so let’s start a Graindart streak count and call it day 2 of having my **** on the road to together.

So, Day 2, no weigh in because I forgot... but the size of my ass is not as important as the ability to shake it. I missed a Yoga Class this morning but they said I can make it up tomorrow and there is another one I can grab tonight to fix my shoulder.

Fun story from last night... I was in a fantastic outfit that makes me a cute yoga babe and ran into a market to grab a salad. When I flipped on my lights, I noticed that I only had 1 headlight. Aha! I was prepared for this... so I got out my headlamp, non-conductive electric gloves, and my spare bulbs, popped the hood and changed it like goddamn Wonderwoman... superhero outfit and all because the yoga outfit was skintight and my bra is fantastic. Plus there was still plenty of time to make it to yoga, which wouldn’t have happened if I got pulled over or called AAA. I was so incredibly pleased with myself as I did it without pain, at the end of a successful day, and I had picked healthier food choices for dinner and actually been ready for each and every obstacle in front of me... AND been ready to handle a roadside emergency... I jumped for joy with my arms in the air and let out a huge “Whoo-hoo!”. There was a smattering of applause and laughter behind me and I turned to discover I had an audience of people who had been watching me. I waved like a beauty queen and went to yoga... because I am goddamn Wonderwoman and I can do anything.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/26/2018:
lol....."but the size of my ass is not as important as the ability to shake it"....best sentence you may have ever written!

you installed a headlight? wow!

innerpeace on 09/26/2018:
You are WONDERWOMAN!! You go Girl!

happy-1 on 09/26/2018:
I love that you applauded me on this... You are a tough cookie!

BearCountryGG on 09/26/2018:
Nothing like being ready for every happening...just like a girls scout!!!

happy-1 - Tuesday Sep 25, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

No weigh in, forgot.

So Sunday in yoga I swear my neck released where I have the injury. It just kind of stretched and then dissolved/shifted like when you push on crisp plaster into termite wood and part of it just crumbles but the rest is solid... Followed by rice crispy treat cracking and popping along almost every joint all yesterday and today. The shoulder pop was scarier because it was a big crunch and I was sure I had dislocated it and aged ten years. This was shocking because it’s been frozen solid forever, pinching off my nerves and my brain. I could literally think again after class. I can even turn my head to look at the back of my shoulder. Either one. Still working on some flexibility though. Frozen down the rest of my spine for sure.

I kept it kind of simple yesterday and today...Headaches both days, spacey this morning. Nothing I planned was going to happen. I just kind of did some lower priority stuff and worked on personal organizing. I was shocked at how “on task” I was though... Not a whole lot of multiple attempts at the same task, hours passing without anything happening. Super “normal “.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 09/25/2018:


happy-1 - Sunday Sep 23, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4


Neck and shoulder slightly better. Still spacey and sore though. OMW into an early yoga class at 10, then slogging back to church after for a “When God Says Wait” ladies thing, which sounds absolutely horrid. The only time I ever had fun at anything targeted at all ladies was a coding workshop and I suddenly realized why some women like “girls night” and even thought maybe bridal anything was a good idea. But my friend from church is organizing and I want to support her. So I am falling on my sword and taking one for the team. Augh.

Out of My League and Bad Timing Guy off OKC wants to meet up with me even though he has a cold. Noooooo!!!!

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/23/2018:
Neck problems here too....do you find yourself with your shoulders right under your ears? I know I do.

happy-1 on 09/25/2018:
Yeah, but they’ve always been under my ears so I was shocked when the left shoulder popped and dropped and I discovered that I do not in fact have linebacker shoulders and no neck, I have lovely shoulders and a nice long neck.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2018:
idk, if you don't agree with the type of program that the church has, even if your friend is leading it, i don't think you should go.....but that's me :)

happy-1 on 09/26/2018:
It’s not that I don’t agree with it it’s just that I hate all-women luncheons. I like lunch with the girls but luncheons are torture

happy-1 - Friday Sep 21, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

7:30 on a afriday night and I’m just waking up after falling apart today. Last night I popped my shoulder in yoga and yoga today didn’t fix it. A lot of pain and sleeping. Tomorrow will be better.

Also super hot guy with potential is in a LGAT group. Yikes.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2018:
girl...take it easy...yoga just breathe and don't work to your breaking point...there's a phrase i like, "less is more..." it works for working out too because thinking that way helps you refrain from getting injured..

but a pop isn't the worst...it should hopefully clear up in a week or less!

Donkey on 09/22/2018:
I hope you feel better today. Sometimes a pop can bring relief, but I suppose if something's popping out of place -- like my back/hips -- that would hurt. (((hugs)))

BearCountryGG on 09/22/2018:
Hope you feel better today!

happy-1 - Wednesday Sep 19, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Forgot to weigh in this morning. Had an “everything hurts and I’m dying” after a restorative yoga class that focuses on subtle poses that I didn’t think was doing squat... Except OMG it feels like I did a thousand of them.

If I felt taller after my Monday class, after last night I feel stronger... I even caught myself admiring the definition above my knees!!!! And slightly concerned the skin looks loose and crepey over that muscle. Augh. The whole point of going slow as molasses and burning steady is to NOT have loose skin. How discouraging. But... vitamins and water and more yoga. All I can really do... except for thermage and that has complications. Nothing that might make me food in the Zombie apocalypse, thanks.

Also, got slightly discouraged last night because there is a woman in my yoga class who is a dime and on her way to completing her MBA. She’s very goal-directed and on top of her fitness and skin care regimen for sure. I got into a bad spiral because it reminded me of my old life and all the things that could have been if I had been able to make everything I need to do in a day to be there happen. I certainly had the opportunities in front of me before I ****ed it all up. I got really down and felt super shabby by comparison. I don’t think I have ever felt confident and put together. At my best I have only ever been barely holding it together and constantly felt like a fraud, about to be discovered. She’s just so very on the ball, totally together. And who knows how she really feels day to day? She undoubtedly has her own struggles. A little proud of myself for looking at it and not getting caught up in it. I went to the store on the way home, skipped all the junk and packaged foods that get red and yellow flags from the nutritionist and stuck to tomatoes and blueberries as a treat... to pair with greek yogurt, honey, and paleo granola tonight as dessert. I also bought some hair gel to tame the mess (I may not be plus sized anymore, but my hair is slow to catch up... I had fine, thinning hair which has started to grow back in and like every other fine strand is only 2-4 inches long... makes for some crazy hair days till it is long enough to cut together... but no longer thinning).

To help put my head back together, I took my dinner back out to the car when I got home to have some quiet alone time and restore myself emotionally. I ate my dinner and ended up talking to a guy off JustOKcupid that I was shocked had messaged me. He’s 37, an engineer, tall, and employed. It was a huge ego boost to even be in the running. It was a nice conversation and weirdly I preferred puppet dude, who is short, fat, old, and poor because he is more fun to talk to at least. This guy... Super-focused on getting married and having kids but makes it sound as much fun as a visit to the gynecologist and a low-paid job at a daycare. He seemed to like talking to me though and even though I tried to get off the phone multiple times he kept me on for over an hour. So I was like... look here’s the skeleton in my closet... I had a bad chiro injury a couple of years ago, didn’t have a good support system in place, and it’s taken me a super long time to recover. I’m doing it though... Today I did cardio and went to yoga. Tomorrow I will do more. So I said look it’s a long shot that us dating would work out, but you sound cool there’s a camping trip coming up, come join us and sent him the link. But... trying to raise his spirits raised mine and I went back in.

Unfortunately, I then ate white bread my dad left out. This led to friction that carried over to today.

Every minute is an opportunity.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/19/2018:
You had a busy day!

happy-1 on 09/19/2018:
Meh. Not on target, but still busy doesn't move me forward.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2018:
as far as that woman who's a dime, best you don't attempt to compare yourself to her! you will feel better if you don't! :) instead, work to challenge yourself and be YOUR best self...no worries on others! i just think, it's not worth your feeling bad comparing yourself to someone you feel is a 10! you just never know....everyone's life is so different....not worth even trying to understand is my view...trying to life you up!

Donkey on 09/20/2018:
Loose and crepey skin: right there with you, like within the last 6 months. How did this happen?

Do not compare yourself to that other woman. We all have our struggles. Perhaps use her "so put together" facade as an inspiration. But a comparison would be completely unfair to yourself.

BearCountryGG on 09/20/2018:
YOU GUYS think you have loose and creepy skin...you aught to be my age......LOL...…..lose what you need to now...because the longer you wait...the worse it gets.

legcramps on 09/21/2018:
I don't think we can help compare ourselves to others every now and then. I don't like myself when I do it either, because obviously i'm comparing myself to a version of someone I don't truly know. Their life is probably no better than mine, they just happen to have nice skin and hey look, they're at the same yoga class that i'm at. Guess our goals are actually pretty similar.

Nothing wrong with inviting someone out to get to know them better - I met a few people back in the day that were eager to make sure I knew what their goals in life were before we even got to a 'dating' stage LOL; I guess why waste time if you don't have the same goals?!

happy-1 - Tuesday Sep 18, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Miracle of miracles, yoga last night fixed my neck and I think even made me taller because I had to adjust my mirrors. Yoga again tonight. I have to admit I liked the place last night better but I had yoga brain after and had to wait it out before I could drive. I went to a Korean market that I did not like the prices at at all, but bought salad veg like a good girl. Then omw home I passed too many fast food places. Every burger, ice cream, and pizza place was calling to me to reward myself with a nice treat. However, with being completely pain-free... I just had no desire to cave. Nothing tastes as good as not wanting to cut my head off to get rid of a migraine.

Also, DDP Yoga support team gave me a 30 day free trial on their app so I had to honor that gift. Felt like if someone out there was cutting me a break, I needed to keep going.. I couldn’t figure out what the workouts were supposed to be and if I needed to buy the DVDS too. So they said here’s a free 1 month pass. Plan is to go to yoga early and do the workout before the restorative one.

224.5... Aaaargh. That scale does not budge. Nutritionist has flagged last several days green as far as food choices... So it’s time to start crunching calories again. Now that I have meal patterns more or less where she wants them, I’m supposed to watch portion sizes. I think my plastic meal prep containers are too big and encouraging me to pack meals that are too big for a 300 cal per meal limit. Instead of buying more containers, I bought a pack of silicone cupcake liners so I can make the containers I already have into smaller divisions and still prepack meals.

Interestingly, nutritionist says that eating non-gmo doesn’t have any scientific proof of better health benefits.

Goal for today is to pack my daily am pack of steelcut oatmeal into packets that are 300 cal max with protein, oats, fruit, and nuts...

and 4 more things per OT guidelines

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/18/2018:
Well....you sure stayed busy...and that's a good thing!!!

happy-1 on 09/18/2018:
I had the horrifying moment today when I realized when I make ground turkey pasta and spaghetti the meals I have been making are 4x the size that they should be. I feel like I have wasted money AND time AND opportunity and started kicking myself. But that was not a useful thing to do so I stopped. Just adjust and keep trucking.

Maria7 on 09/18/2018:
...'Crunching calories'...good plan! PS I did reply to your question on my post. Smile.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/19/2018:
you are doing GREAT! so glad you are combating your pain issues.

if you reach a plateau, which so far you've had great progress moving downward, it means there is another slight change you have to make and that at the moment you are burning the same calories you are consuming! keep crunching!

happy-1 - Monday Sep 17, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Forgot to weigh in today. Too much parent drama this morning. All over a misplaced hair catcher for a drain, and the other 3 not being good enough. If the other 3 aren’t good enough, shouldn’t they be recycled?


Stayed on task and completed 4 errands this morning. 1 unplanned. Then I had a splitting headache and had to come home and take a break. Not sure if it was lack of caffeine or my neck. Neck is super tender but caffeine helped... as did a little dark chocolate. So 1 more errand today to fill my 5 a day quotient. Pretty proud of myself.

More yoga tonight. Trying for 1 a day each day this week. I’ll also do the sample workout from DDP yoga app when I get there.

Good quote for today: Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2018:
sometimes, when i'm feeling really weak at work, i reach for chocolate too.

happy-1 on 09/18/2018:
If it’s at least 70% dark, it’s legal.

BearCountryGG on 09/17/2018:
Doing good!!!

happy-1 on 09/18/2018:
Every minute is a chance to do better. And each minute I do better encourages the next one.

Donkey on 09/18/2018:
It's important to do a little bit for one's self every day.

happy-1 - Sunday Sep 16, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4


So today I crossed a milestone during yoga class. I was able to hold a plank without wishing I was dead (hurts like hell, my arms would wobble, my neck would scream bloody murder, and every few seconds I’d fall on my face gasping and forget half-plank)... but zero pain, no wobble, no breaks needed... just a little numbness. Extra bonus... I went down to half plank and stayed steady in the pose. I literally couldn’t even do that two days ago. I was so utterly shocked and astounded it didn’t even register or hit home... my brain just went sideways like the slots on a gambling machine in the old looney tunes cartoons. I just couldn’t believe it. I don’t know if I got stronger somehow or if it was one of the little pops in my neck while I stretched unblocked something... but I was able to do it. I stuck around after class to use the mirrors to take the 6 progress photos called for in the DDP yoga app. I figured I might as well start using photos to track progress and the app is fun and funny.

Slow progress is still progress but this one made me all weepy. Still weepy. More weepy right now writing about it. Augh.




Then I celebrated by splurging on room deodorizers, instant espresso, and a couple of plastic bin organizers when I got my dog more peanut butter. Why those were my splurges... I dunno. They all move me a little forward I guess but I don’t really need them.

Ok. Pulling **** together.

Gotta do my hair, pick up the mess and order doggie supplements and diapers, my supplements, ard a storage clipboard. Then, walk my dog and give her another uti test. Then meet up with puppet dude. Ramen maybe?

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

graindart on 09/17/2018:
I did a fair amount of "planking" earlier this year when I was actually exercising. It's amazing how just trying to hold a steady position can be so tough after such a short amount of time. Glad the pain was gone for you while doing it.

happy-1 on 09/17/2018:
Yeah, dizzy and a splitting headache today, and super tender around where I felt my neck pop... but so thoroughly encouraged by that small success I stayed on plan at home, Costco food court, grocery run, and at home again so far... one small victory breeds more willpower.

horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2018:
planks.....yeah, i also feel so weird when i do them! sometimes, i do them for a little while, take a short break, and go right back into them...this helps me increase my stamina for doing a longer plank.

happy-1 on 09/17/2018:
So your challenge is... a handstand? What move can’t you do that you would really like to?

happy-1 - Saturday Sep 15, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4


Was good on calories all day yesterday but then blew it at night with too many peanuts. I bought 5 jars on sale and I can’t seem to control my portion sizes. As soon as a bottle is open... It is the whole thing, down the hatch and all careful eating blown. Stupid. I just can’t stop. I had to stop buying trail mix for the same reason. I can only buy what I am going to consume on a trip and then send the rest home with someone else. I guess peanuts are in the same category. I even bought unsalted, dry roasted so that they would be less “moresys”. Nope. Down the hatch. I wasn’t even that hungry. I guess the Lunesta relaxes me and then I snack.

Last night I tried that routine app and successfully did all my habits for the first time. It was kind of a lot of work and i was exhausted after. Proud of myself. Despite 0 caffeine yesterday I had a hard time getting to sleep and I ended up oversleeping this morning. It’s 9AM and too hot already to walk my ancient dog to the park. At least for me anyway. I’m going to wait till the afternoon and ask my mom to be ready with the car in case it’s too much for her and we need a ride home. I’ll still try the morning routine though and just take those habits out.


Just realized that I have a camping trip coming up at the end of September! Something to look forward to!!! Glad I kept my camping stuff organized

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/15/2018:
Um... So I'm guessing that you don't have the bathroom problems I had after eating a whole jar of peanuts?

Obviously, I have similar issues with nuts. Trail mix too, probably, but whatever I buy goes straight to my daughter, who can, fortunately, moderate her serving sizes.

happy-1 on 09/15/2018:
Nope. Happy tummy. It says “You have two jars left. What are you waiting for?”

Contemplating giving them to neighbors and buying single serve packets at sams club.

BearCountryGG on 09/16/2018:
How about putting them in baggies in serving sizes ( wonder if you could freeze them)

happy-1 on 09/17/2018:
I did! I was opening the jars to do that as part of weekly meal prep. Down the hatch.

Maria7 on 09/16/2018:
I'm like you, once I open a big bag of unsalted almonds, I keep at them until they are finished, keeping them close by like they are my 'special food' I am to snack on. If I don't open the bag, I'm good, ha!

happy-1 on 09/17/2018:
Right? I had to give up trail mix completely. I hope I don’t have to give up peanuts too.

graindart on 09/16/2018:
Nuts and trail mix are something I just have to skip buying when I'm trying to watch my calories. Like you, I have no desire to eat a small handful of them, I want to eat the entire bag.

horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2018:
many times, i stick to buying much of the same snacks and not rotating so that i get slightly "bored" of the taste and i am not as quick to overeat things i am used to. I no longer eat lots of peanuts or nuts, as i snack on them now as a health food, i do not really see them as junk anymore and do not have a want to overeat on them anymore....

i actually do not like unsalted nuts, they don't have enough flavor. if you do not have a problem with salt, you may want to try salted or lightly salted...when things do not have any flavor, you want to eat more of them bc you are never satisfied.

happy-1 on 09/17/2018:
That is actually a super good point on the unsalted thing. Like I don’t go overboard on dark chocolate but I cannot stop on semisweet

happy-1 - Friday Sep 14, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4


Woke up this morning with 9h of sleep under my belt, no neck pain, but strangely depressed and lots of hopeless waking thoughts. Not a great way to start the day. The difference between before my neck adjusted and today is that I could sit up, slap myself, and go make oatmeal and wait for my meds to kick in so I can focus and get started. Super glad to have this site/group to come to, read logs, and contribute to someone else’s happiness even a little bit. Makes me feel more “worthwhile “ and get a positive mindset going.

So today... I will make my first order of business to go get a real cup of coffee somewhere and pull my brain together. I will buy a storage clipboard for my to do list. I will get some lettuce and cilantro for taco bowls. I will do a Costco run to get meds. I will walk my dog to the park and try doing yoga there. I will come home and make ground turkey tacos for dinner. I will put on my favorite Lucky Brand goal jeans and maybe even buy some new goal jeans.


And incidentally I will include that I learned from my nutritionist that a snack of string cheese, apple, peanuts and almond butter that is over target calories is better than a protein bar that is fewer calories because over the course of the week my calories will likely even out and I’ll feel more full and eat less overall... because they were whole, unprocessed foods and my brain will register as having really eaten.

Aaand a brand new top in 0X I bought in May no longer fits. I must have lost A LOT of backfat because the neckline is well below my bra. Had to come home and change to a smaller top.

Trying a new app for habits tonight. Morning Routine is a habit tracker that lets you enter your habits as “routines”, the time to start and then the time to do each habit. When you are ready to start your routine you turn it on and follow the audio prompts. When you complete it you mark it complete and then it records the time it took you to do it. I set up my bedtime routine tonight and morning routine for tomorrow. Basically I’m hoping to automate task transitions because that’s where I get stuck and lose track of time and then end up in bed at midnight.

Ross run while running errands. Replaced my fancy pink yoga slides with basic black adidas pool slides from Ross marked down from $39 to $9! Ended up splurging on a new coffee mug to make drinking coffee while walking my dog easier in the morning. It is insulated, big enough to fit a shaker ball and a lot of water, intant coffee, protein powder, and ice. It also has a screw on/shake without spilling lid.... And a handle! Here’s hoping it gets me through my morning routine faster. It is a very “sexy” product in that it feels right in your hand and appealing to drink from... like whatever is in it will automatically be more delicious. Kind of like finding a perfect beer mug.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/14/2018:
I have found the same thing about the same thing with protein bars...I think they make me more hungry.

happy-1 on 09/14/2018:
But somehow the goodrx bars... especially if chilled in the fridge... are soooooooo satisfying to chomp on... like a dog with a kong toy.

BearCountryGG on 09/14/2018:
The RX bars are amazingly tasty.....

happy-1 on 09/15/2018:
That’s because they have crack in them ;)

horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2018:
i love me some long sleep of 9 hours :)

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