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happy-1 - Sunday Dec 22, 2019
(60D on Noom and making every day count)
Weight: 216.3

Abandoning the 60 days of riding my bike every day. It just wasn't happening on any level. If I thought that was starting small, I need to start smaller. So... Switching course. Trying Noom for 60 days, and doing one thing every day to make it count.

So...

Day 5 of 60 on Noom, Days that I managed to make count: 3 of 5

Noom's daily weigh in was up a pound. Today it's assignment was to identify cravings and social triggers.

I crave everything.

I have a hard time with negaitve social triggers:

  • Going out with folks from church or visiting them in their homes and there is always unhealthy food
  • Dad wants simple carbs and foods heavy in cholesterol and sodium and I can't resist treats when I am tired and they are in front of my face
  • I feel worn out and exhausted and I just feel like I need more energy to feel better.

For example, I actually made it to church tonight but they were having a dessert thing so I bailed out right away. Then I ended up at Coffee Bean but needed to feel better and so I had a slice of gingerbread loaf.

Augh!

Had a date night with the ex yesterday. Had it's ups and downs but overall I think it was a win. Ate a couple of splurges. Yum. We met up for lunch at Veggie Grill and accidentally ran into a bunch of his friends from his martial arts studio. 3 big brawly tattooed tough guys and their adorable girlfriends. I had no idea what they were talking about... Something about training in Australia, kids in classes, different belt colors, and ice baths. Then we just hung out and ended up at mini golf, pastrami sandwiches, and a nice goodnight. I gave him his christmas present but told him not to open it till Christmas. Nothing major. Just a book I like and some candy he likes. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. He'd never heard of the idea of 10,000 hours for mastery, so I figured it's a good holiday read. I forgot how good his company is. Just warm, kind, and solid.

Much like my big, fat tomcat. I had to take his harness apart yesterday so I can cut up the matching leash to add a couple of inches. I don't like the leash he has... too short. I don't see any leashes on the market that are appropriate for walking a dog and a cat at the same time... and I need a better tether for him in a car. He is lighter than a dog and really needs 2 connection points to not slide into the sides of the car on a turn.

Dad wanted me to take him to the grocery store again, but I said I needed today to reset for the upcoming week and stood my ground. He backed off.

 A couple of decent recipe ideas I came up with:

  • 1 pot veggie pasta... boil any frozen veggies in the freezer in a couple of cans of tomato sauce. Take angel hair pasta and break it down to smaller pieces. Scatter and stir into boilindg sauce and veggies... so that it can't clump up. Turn off heat and let it sit, stirring occasionally till pasta is soft and ready to eat. Portion out to single servings. Add baked turkey meatballs and top with parmesan.
  • Everything but the egg breakfast sandwches... Slice open a package of low sodium whle wheat breakfast sandwiches and portion out a slice of turkey, half a slice of low fat swiss as sandwiches, stick back in the bag and freeze. When you want a breakfast sandwich, take out a sandwich, toast the muffin, put the turkey, cheese, and egg in a bowl in the microwave. Reassemble. Solves the problem of someone eating all your cheese, meat, or muffins so that you can't make a breakfast sandwich in the AM... Aargh. Egg tastes better and is more satisfying. Whole wheat muffins are great with mustard, spinach, tomato and onion.

Making today count by getting ready for the week... Might be a good theme for Sundays:

  1. Meal prep... Black beans, breakfast sandwiches, broiled chicken, veggie pasta... Next up is black bean burgers.
  2. Cleaned out freezer
  3. Laundry
  4. Vacuumed
  5. Church
  6. An actual break at Coffee Bean
  7. Grocery run
  8. Packed up meals to single servings

 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/22/2019:
Oh my that one-pot vegetable pasta dish sounds so yummy! And easy, too!

The "pre-assembled" breakfast sandwiches are a GOOD IDEA! (And they don't have to be just for breakfast, either.)

I'm glad your date went well :-)

happy-1 on 12/22/2019:
It is super yummy. Actually got some of it into dad tonight. He's never met a vegetable he likes... but if I drown it in tomato sauce...

happy-1 on 12/22/2019:
I have to say that I actually liked the breakfast sandwiches better with the whole wheat english muffins.


bearcountrygg on 12/22/2019:
I love that you are finding alternative ways to handle things...problem solving at it's best....always a winner.

happy-1 on 12/22/2019:
Like water on stone... Carving new paths.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/23/2019:
The social good times with your guy and his friends sound so nice. That's some really thoughtful gifts you got him - the book and his candy...it sounds very personal!

regarding going to friend's homes with no good food - maybe you can bring veggies? unless you aren't in the mood for veggies...then maybe grapes or fruit!? or seltzer?



happy-1 - Friday Dec 20, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Dog woke me up at 2am to go out to pee and I can't get back to sleep. Aaaaaack. Organizer comes at 10am. 4am and just have to get up and face the day.

One foot in front of the other.

--- PM update

Have to say that if it is 3am and I am all alone and missing my mom and miserable and all I want is a hug, it is a big blessing to reach over to a big mellow tom cat asleep on the pillow next to my head and pull him over for a cuddly sonambulatory purr fest. He is always just a few inches away and DTC... Down to Cuddle...  He misses her too and doesn't care that she was bat**** crazy either.She was just mom and a blinding source of love and everything is darker without her.

At least the load is getting lighter. All things in life should be as easy as pointing someone else at a giant pile of paper inbox trays and saying "That, do that". With the help of a professional organizer, 2 rooms of floor to ceiling paper were reduced to a table worth of plastic dollar store letterbox trays and then reduced again to 2 boxes of actual files that have tab dividers and I can pick up and take to a table and flip through to find what I need.

2 rooms > 2 boxes.

Still 2 rooms to go.

I think tonight I will use the last of the cheese to make pizza.

So far this week while toiling away on forensic paperwork, I have watched The Magicians, Lucifer, and am starting The Witcher. Spin up those suggestions!

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/20/2019:
You can do it...help is on the way!!! GO YOU!!!

happy-1 on 12/20/2019:
Thank you!!!!!

A nice plump tom cat is a big comfort... He was 8.3lbs when i got him, and he's about 12lbs now. Solid and strong tomcat.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/20/2019:
Your day sounds like it is going to improve as the day moves on!

happy-1 on 12/20/2019:
I got everything I could do done today. I did my best. Tomorrow I will rise and do it again... Hopefully with more sleep.


Donkey on 12/21/2019:
When we invited black Jack to come live with us (because his owner could not take him with her when they moved), I forgot how nice it is to have a solid tomcat to pet and hug. Not that I don't love my girls, but they are more petite and different. Jack is so nice, even if he has a bit of the Dark Side in him.

happy-1 on 12/22/2019:
Just a big, solid, living teddy bear to hug when I miss mom.


Donkey on 12/21/2019:
I so applaud your progress with the organizer. That is wonderful...

happy-1 on 12/28/2019:
TY. Trying. Every day. Some days I don't do much though.



happy-1 - Friday Dec 20, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Signed up for Noom yesterday. I feel the need for infrastructure in my weightloss efforts to get me motivated and keep to goals... Weight Watchers always seemed like too much work with the points system... It's easier to think in calories, fiber, etc. But there is something wrong with how Noom calculates calories. I like that they synch with Garmin, but then they don't take into account calories burned and then calculate your deficit. Garmin says I burned about 3,500+ calories doing chores then lugging my dad to the doctor, bank, grocery store, and home. I ate 2161 calories... for a -1300 calorie deficit. Noom says I am over by 861 calories. WTF?????

I did like the idea of an SOS Motivation plan that they introduced... See page 33 of this PDF

https://tomorrowyediet.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/14dayplan11419.pdf

Basically you look for what habits you do as part of your plan and then track them and not doing something for 3 days in a row (for example) is a sign that you are falling off track and need a rescue.

I have a habit tracker app that I use that helps me track what key activities I did that day. So a bunch of red lights... Falling off course although I didn't think of it that way.

Today I fell off track. I ate on plan (except for 3 mints at the bank because I had breath like a horse's butt) until I got home. I started with 3 cups cauliflower rice, 2 cups spinach, 1/4 cup shredded mexican chicken, 1/2 cup beans. 1/4 cup brown rice, and tooooo much guac... But then I dove into my dad's ice cream. And 2 of his kaiser rolls with waaaaaay too much butter.

Sigh...

Pro organizer tomorrow. Then... a nap?

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2019:
so i guess it's garmin or noom....sorry they don't coincide...does it mean you should stop using Garmin for the calorie portion of it?

maybe next time have a little snack before you get home...this is what i used to have to do more, so that i wasn't as ravenous when i got home. the snack can be an hour to 30min before getting home...it can be anything small, like chocolate and seltzer or just a few sucking candies. something to get some carbs or even a few almonds into your system so you don't feel as hungry. this is what helps me tons.


Donkey on 12/20/2019:
Right there with you in the struggle with saying. I don't know what's gotten into me but it's not good.

We'll do better today, together, right?

happy-1 on 12/21/2019:
Augh... Yes we will.


bearcountrygg on 12/20/2019:
I did try Noom.....and had difficulty with it but I hope that you enjoy it.....I'm not a big online person with my phone and I might have enjoyed it more if I could have used the computer with it.......but You need to see how it goes and I don't want to say anymore until you see how it works for you.....I know some have really found it helpful........I hope it's like that for you.


Donkey on 12/21/2019:
I like the SOS system! I'm not sure how I feel about the eating plan. I 100% get the high volume foods and agree with that, but I also think that healthy fats and proteins help keep us fuller for longer. So for me, it would be like a big salad with a little bit of cheese and some dressing. Otherwise, I do not feel satiated nor satisfied.

But NOOM has the right idea.



happy-1 - Wednesday Dec 18, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Better. So much better. And horrified at the state of the house. I did not do much cleaning while I was sick. Will have to take my paperwork out to do it somewhere else. If I stay here, all I will do is clean and I can do that tonight.

In the self-defeating but not self destructive category of behavior, I followed the nutritionist’s guidance of caving to a craving but finding whatever is really satisfying to really kill the urge. Sams Club pizza was calling my name, but wouldn’t satisfy the craving so I went to my college pizza place on the way home and picked up a sausage and mushroom pizza. It was a lot bigger than I remembered so next time I will get a small one! I ate 5 slices over 3 meals yesterday. I feel bloated and too full today. Guess that’s a lesson learned!

Goals for today are to do any 3 items on my to do list and a walk to build up sleep drive.

Today is the last day I need to stay up till 2 to take my antibiotics so tomorrow I need to get back on schedule. I was actually up till 3:30 am last night because I couldn’t sleep. 

Trying to figure out a good yoga coverup and spotted this on Amazon... But I can't figure out what color. My yoga pants are charcoal, black, or teal. My yoga tops are black, grey, olive, or teal. Black could work... But I'm so tired of black.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07H24ZXLZ/ref=ox_sc_act_title_8?smid=A2QVFTZ74LDW3K&th=1

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/18/2019:
HAPPY...HOW do you make an addy clickable...it won't let me!!!!!

happy-1 on 12/18/2019:
Might be browser differences? I'm on Chrome.


bearcountrygg on 12/18/2019:
I think you know what you want and how to get there.....I also get into my own way sometimes ...it's tough when we sabotage ourselves and I have to wonder why we do it.

happy-1 on 12/18/2019:
It's the getting there that's the hard part. It takes a lot of discipline.


bearcountrygg on 12/18/2019:
I LOVE the dress!!!

happy-1 on 12/18/2019:
Right? Thinking teal. Oatmeal would work (with grey/black/teal/olive) but it would show dirt.


Donkey on 12/19/2019:
I caved into cravings last night and I am really regretting it this morning, too.

So glad to hear you're feeling better!!

happy-1 on 12/20/2019:
So we give ourselves hugs and get back on track. The hug feels good.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/19/2019:
once in a while, i overeat sweets like a big slice of pie and i remind myself why having a small amount is just the same ...and better.

happy-1 on 12/20/2019:
And if I could stop... I'd be better off.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/19/2019:
once in a while, i overeat sweets like a big slice of pie and i remind myself why having a small amount is just the same ...and better.



happy-1 - Tuesday Dec 17, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Day X of 60

Human. OMG. Stayed up till 2 am last night so I could get 2 doses of new antibiotics 12h apart... Feels weird to not wake up till 10:30AM... always throws me off... but so worth it. Not clammy/sweaty/tender/desperate to pee, just exhausted. I can deal with exhausted. 

Felt better enough to make dad breakfast and coffee.

Kitty is getting restless. Started running around and scratching the rug. Pulled out most of the fur on his tail. He's suddenly almost too fat for the harness I got him, so time to start walking him again. I slacked off when he started having his teeth go south, but it is time. My dog agrees I need to do something about that damn cat. She does not enjoy his random insanity disruptions. 

Tomorrow. Double sized coffee this morning. The milk powder and the mct powder in the shaker are so good I actually prefer mine to Starbucks now. I loved flat whites in Australia.

Goals for today:

  • post office
  • key copies
  • bank
  • 3 phone calls for personal business
  • sams club (again)

Doc sent me high dose Vitamin D prescription... Apparently low Vitamin D levels can cause fatigue, muscle weakness, depression etc. Today is the free day at the botanical gardens. I would really like to go but I think it might be too much for me. Maybe the Vitamin D supplement will make that sound like less of a marathon. Might manage $5 movie tuedays.

 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 12/17/2019:
Seems everyone is doing the same thing lately - I also made copies of my keys last night so R can feed my pets when I am not home :)

Let us know what comes from taking the high dose of vitamin D. $5 movie is a great deal and good reason to go out :)

happy-1 on 12/18/2019:
Can’t beat that


Donkey on 12/17/2019:
You should start feeling some improvement from the vitamin D after a couple of weeks. My husband really noticed a difference. My levels were just out of range ... and I was dreaming with anemia, so I did feel better but it was more likely because of the extra iron.

Still, I call it sunshine in a pill...

happy-1 on 12/18/2019:
I’m not anemic, but avoiding daylight because everything seems too bright which is not my normal. I just don’t feel like being outside and I love being outside. I need to just start getting out 2h a day, with some skin exposed for vitamin d and sleep drive.


Donkey on 12/17/2019:
Go see a movie! I need more movies in my life, except they are so expensive.

happy-1 on 12/18/2019:
The theaters by me are $5 on Tuesdays, except I can never seem to get there on a tuesday



happy-1 - Monday Dec 16, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Day X of 60

Not feeling well, missed yoga. Couldn't get out of bed when my dog woke me up at 5 AM, felt cold, achey, and exhausted. Too hot and sweaty and it's like 65F right now. Picking up antibiotics today.

Partially missed yoga because I got bummed out last night. It's happening every Sunday night lately and I need to break that pattern.

Showered, dressed, and made the bed. Took forever. Just need to get up, eat something, go get antibiotics, and I can come home and go back to bed.

---

Home. Tomorrow (or more likely Wednesday) will be a better day.

---

No longer purple... But dye is still in my pores so I just look like I really, really need a bath.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/17/2019:
Ugh I hope you feel better soon! Get those antibiotics! I let a UTI go untreated, thinking it was a yeast infection (what the hell do I know?), and ended up in the hospital with 105 degree temperature!

Sundays have always been an issue with me. Evenings are the worst. (((hugs)))

happy-1 on 12/17/2019:
OMG. That sounds terrible.

I think I need to start wearing myself out on Sunday mornings to build up sleep drive. I can't spiral if I'm asleep.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/17/2019:
I'm glad you got that dye off your face. When i get to dying mine, would it help if i were to put vaseline or something on my hairline to avoid dying my skin???

also, i hope you feel better soon. you've been doing really, really well lately and so have your PETS! so i hope you get well soon to continue with your Happy Streak!

happy-1 on 12/17/2019:
It really adhered to the spots where I use metronid for rosacea. The magic thing for getting it off was a face scrubbing brush from the 99 cent store that uses batteries to make the brush head go round and round.

Vaseline sounds like genius. I don't know why I didn't think of that!!!!! The lash dyeing kit says to use that for dying eyebrows and lashes... I'd probably rub it into my hands, cuticles, neck and shoulders too.

If you dye at home, make sure you have extra gloves for dying the ends of your hair and for washing it out, and Comet cleanser for scrubbing your sink and tub.



happy-1 - Sunday Dec 15, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Day x of 60

Pets gave me the morning off. Slept in till 8. Kitty has had enough hots and cots that he looks like a big plush toy (instead of a scraggly survivor), makes a big thud when he jumps to the floor, and is starting to play.

Was too tired when I dyed my hair last night and accidentally dyed my face... Hair is ok, face is dark purple. It'll shed in a couple of days or the hairdresser will have color remover.

UTI is back. New antibiotics tomorrow but no workouts today. I think I've lost almost 8 weeks of fitness to being sick or tired.

Meals:

  1. Daily Coffee: Coffee, MCT powder, nonfat milk
  2. PBJ
  3. 3 breaded fish fillets, tartar sauce 1 tbsp, mustard, 2 cups veg.
  4. 1/2 serving mexican chicken bowl (chicken, beans, rice) + 2 cups veg, guac salsa, hot sauce
  5. Broiled chicken thigh, 1/2 cup brown rice
  6. Anxiety-based pig out on danish (4 pieces) because I don't want to stick out going to Chilis and be with people
  7. Angel hair pasta, pasta sauce, cheese. Emotional eating.

Watching "Married at First Sight" for background noise.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/15/2019:
sorry about uti (this has happened to me) and face dying (didn't happen to me yet...)

your kitty is so cute and so are you to feed him so well! :) how long have you had kitty that it's now getting more used to you?

happy-1 on 12/15/2019:
End of June? So 6 months. It was a battle to be sure but now I have a great little pack.

happy-1 on 12/15/2019:
Kitty doesn't care that I am purple.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/16/2019:
I hope you can get back on track soon...Tomorrow can be a better day :)

happy-1 on 12/16/2019:
Hugs, TY. The best is yet to come.


Donkey on 12/16/2019:
I don't envy you the UTI. No thanks!

Some days, it just really do be like that. I admit the alfredo sounds so good right now. Move forward from this.

happy-1 on 12/17/2019:
UTIs just suck. I haven't had one in years so I guess I got a bad one this time.

I wish I had bought shrimp!!!! No shrimp for me though... Cholesterol.

My go to pasta method is a can of tomato sauce, spices, mushrooms, and a cup of water in a pot brought to a boil. Add angel hair pasta to cook in the sauce. When cooked, fill pot to top with spinach, toss and cover. Becomes mostly veggies with a little white pasta so you feel like you had a lot of pasta but you really had mostly veggies.


Donkey on 12/16/2019:
Hey Happy - so funny that comment about your cat not caring if you're purple! Ha ha ha!

Try rubbing alcohol to get the stain out? It may be too late. I know if you rub the dye off your skin with rubbing alcohol after rinsing the dye out of your hair, it comes out...

happy-1 on 12/17/2019:
Kitty has his perks. The dye freaked my dog out.

The alcohol is a good tip. I will try that next time.


legcramps on 12/16/2019:
Oh well, a little color in ones' life never hurt anyone anyways...<3

happy-1 on 12/16/2019:
I'll remember that next time I tailgate for a football game??? Or do a color run!



happy-1 - Saturday Dec 14, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Day 16 of 60 

Actually feeling better. 

The pets are doing their best to get me on track. Dog woke me up at 5:45. I let her out and back in again then went back to bed. The cat walked up and down my body to make sure I stayed awake. I was shocked to get basic chores out of the way and to yoga on time... then topped it off with a grocery run, meal prep session, and more chores. Not even 12:00 yet. I feel like I just did a 5k.

Go pets... Good team. We'll be back to work and on our own again in no time if this keeps up.

Accomplishments so far:

  • Yoga
  • Meal prep
  • Endless chores
  • Dyed hair

Remaining goals:

  • Get a few things ready to mail on monday
  • Make a holiday list and get it done tomorrow
  • Dye my hair

Meals so far:

  1. Daily coffee + powdered milk + MCT powder
  2. 1 egg, unsalted butter, english muffin, 1/2 serving of danish
  3. Leftover mexican chicken, rice, beans, cheese. 2 cups veg
  4. 2 leftover scraps of diy low sodium pizza
  5. Orange

---

Annual physical shows high cholesterol, high sugar, high triglycerides, and an alarming Vitamin D deficiency.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/15/2019:
Sounds like this was a good day!

My slim daughter had high cholesterol at her last exam, too. Both my husband and I have vitamin D deficiencies - my husband was way, way low. I'm surprised though, since you live in a sunny state.

I think I'd be most alarmed by the high sugar levels!

Did your doctor give you a plan to handle these issues?

happy-1 on 12/15/2019:
I slacked off on taking my vitamin stack since mom passed, so the supplements were making a big difference across the board.

Sun... I don't leave the house much... Incrementally the dad issues and not having anyone to take a break with has discouraged me from leaving the house. I need to get a life again to get some daylight.

I emailed her back on the plan since most of her recommendations I am already doing.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/15/2019:
your meals sound delicious and healthy! great job. i sooo have to dye my hair soon...not too many grays yet, so that's the reason why i'm not too motivated to do it.

happy-1 on 12/15/2019:
You could totally do a tint instead of a dye... cover the greys and it washes out instead of dye.



happy-1 - Saturday Dec 14, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Day x of 60... Not sure

Continued energy from yesterday... Got a traveling notary to come to the house to help dad with papers.  It was an all-morning project that thouroughly wore me out. I am just depleted. But I am digging myself out. I even got all the things I need to work on set up and ready to knock out.

Too many meals today with a late night eating episode of a pbj.

No bike ride. Starting to feel better. Less sweaty at least.

---

Ex texted. Wants to know when I want to get together. I said next Saturday. I want a real date on a date night.

And I'll be damned he said OK. 

I said "Can't wait to see what you have planned."

Oh... How much does he hate this?  Soooooo much.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/14/2019:
Each step accomplished is one step forward.

I was amused by the Ex. Well, let's see what he has planned. Could be interesting!

This reminds me of my husband and I. We go back and forth, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "Oh whatever you want to do..."

Repeat that a million times...

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
Yeah... The division on this is that he was super stressed and overwhelmed and couldn't pull it together to do anything fun and never on a Saturday. Now that he changed jobs and isn't living where he works, let's see what he's like.


horn_of_plenty on 12/14/2019:
Good job with ex - I guess stick to your guns and get what you want from him and then at least you’ll have some satisfaction for getting together with him.

It’s always good to be less sweaty lol I was on the train overhearing someone telling their friend to shower bc if you sweat you will smell lol. It’s funny to me bc most people know this without being told I guess

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
He's pretty great... but he is someone I have to push for what I want with. Probably the difference between being an only child and expecting to be able to ask for what I want and receive it because everyone around me is an adult... And having a *ton* of *enormous* brothers and not bothering to listen to any of them unless you got thunked on the head or there is an outcome you want.



happy-1 - Thursday Dec 12, 2019
(60D: Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day)
Weight: 216.3

Day 14 of 60

Not feeling so great still. Pro organizer is back today...

Ex texted me good morning again. No word from the ex on whether he wants to get together for a real Saturday night date this weekend or next. It's not about a fancy evening out... it's about getting to go out when there are fun things to do that are out of the ordinary.

Not holding my breath. It would mean not seeing one of his friends for coffee at Starbucks... every Saturday night... to which I have never been invited. What I don't get is why this friend isn't seeing his own girlfriend on Saturday nights?

If I'm going another round with him, I want a Saturday night date at least once a month. Ex is awesome... just some tweaks here and there.

---

Update...

MILESTONE... BOTTOM... I CAN SEE BOTTOM OF THIS HORRIBLE MESS...

We're through the last of mom's "current" papers... We have a system... We each take a box, open them up... I have hysterical crying fits and sob about how much I miss my mom while I make rough piles out of things and then she makes them make sense.

Today the organizer and I went through piles of papers that we had put in the vague "important" stack and turned them into "grab and go" financial and health binders for my dad.  Not finished by any means, but at least something I can pick up and use on a daily basis to handle affairs... Financial statements are sorted into letter trays from the Dollar store, ready to be turned into files and put in the giant filing cabinets mom bought and was going to use "someday".

The linen cabinet is cleared out and ready to receive all the home health care stuff I shoved into my closet while I sorted out everything else... So that a stranger can easily access basics like kleenex, vaseline, hot water bottles and heating pads.

The kitchen is cleared out and everything is easy for a stranger to find something to make a decent meal for a sad old man. The pest problems have been resolved... for now. 

The dining room and table are completely clear of clutter and junk... You can just go in there, sit down, setup a placemat and eat dinner.

The living room has clear paths and trip-free walkways. You can sit on the couch, recliner or armchair without having to make space first. The broken window has been replaced.

Not at bottom yet... but I can see it. Hope is everything.

I even tried new recipes from sratch tonight... Chicken tinga, refried beans, cauliflower rice, pico de gallo....

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/12/2019:
Pro organizer sounds like an amazing thing to have. Is she expensive!?

Yeah, i don't think you should push ex for what you want. honestly, if he wants more, let him show you without you asking. he should know, well, mostly know anyways. if you have to teach him too much, maybe it's not worth it.? my personal opinion only.

happy-1 on 12/12/2019:
I look at her fees as cheaper than opportunity cost. Anything that gets me closer to going back to work and having an income has to be cheaper than staying here and spinning my wheels, desperately unhappy. How much more of my life does their chaos get to suck up?

I'm not pushing for what I want. I'm stating what I want, then waiting. I have plenty to do to get my life back to being my own. I'd like a Saturday night date. If he wants that to be with him... great. If not, I can use the time to get to bed early and get an extra yoga class in on Sunday mornings. If I go to enough yoga classes, get my stuff done, and keep on trucking... someday maybe I will have someone to go on a date with on Saturday nights.


BearCountryGG on 12/12/2019:
The organizer is really arriving frequently......I went through that when we downsized to sell the previous house and again when I had to clear out my parents house......in order to get through it...I was determined to touch things only twice....the first was to pick an item up and put it in 1 of 3 boxes, ( box 1 was keep, box 2 was donate or give to someone else and bag 3 was trash......that went to the garage.....the donate stuff went to the car immediatly and the give away was put in various boxes for others...the keep box got taped up and labeled for the movers)........as it was it took me almost 3 months to clear out my parents and finalize all of their paperwork and calls. I admit to taking a day off here and there but it was intense.

happy-1 on 12/12/2019:
Augh... that sounds like a lot... I can't imagine.

The organizer is coming so much because I just can't face opening the boxes on my own. It's not the crazy collections of plastic bags and food wrappers that get me... it's all the flyers and clippings of places she wanted to go and things she wanted to do that she never got to try.

At least I got her one more cat to cuddle before the very end.


Donkey on 12/13/2019:
I thank you for writing about the organizer. I find this process to be interesting and so relatable. I'm so stuck in neutral, that I cannot even go through the smallest purge goal. I can completely understand how having a third party person to help you through this is so helpful.

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
I've just been so overwhelmed I've been frozen.

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
I could toss and clean stuff before she died, but can't do it alone after. It's a continuous replay of screaming childhood dramas over every washcloth or pen that couldn't be found. She knew I was more important than things... but she couldn't ever remember it in the moment. If I was trapped in a block of ice nobody would say "go get some boxes and label them... you can do this"

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
I am totally capable... after her first 911 call and hospitalization I went through her bedroom... a 15x15 room piled to the ceiling with recyclables and trash and mail... and somehow I cleaned it all out in one night. I just tore through it like I was possessed and got it out of there. I even threw out her bed and put mine in there. The motivation was that if she had been in there when her sugar fell, nobody would have noticed and she would have died. I didn't want her to be able to burrow in again where I couldn't see her.


legcramps on 12/13/2019:
I also love to hear your updates with the pro organizer...I would love to be able to do this in my house. Even though I live with very little material things, there is still a build up of junk that I can never seem to keep up with. I need a system!

It really sounds like you are having a good week; glad to hear it.

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
I would love to have a home that has space for people instead of things. Sounds like a good way to be.

You probably need a class in carpentry or wood working or something. I feel like you have a lot of gear but not a lot of junk... all of which is hard to store and access.

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
Like this must be your hall closet...

https://www.instagram.com/p/9hEOdVoIRX/?taken-by=erinkoko33



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