Day 6 of 60
10:30 AM and I am on my bike with no procrastination. I am getting the hang of this. I have had coffee. Dog must be evicted while I am on it, my desk was setup "enough" the night before, the fans are on and in place. Butt is starting to toughen up. Garmin app is open to show me my heart rate while I ride. Old earphones (not noise cancelling but at least noise blocking) are on. News podcast to be played shortly. I even have an aroma therapy lamp going. Peppermint was my choice this morning.
Partially this success is due to my kitty, who woke me up on time for a 9am call. How he knew what time I absolutely had to be up by after a long night (dad tantrums) I do not know, but I am very glad he gently nudged me with his "soft claw" paws and got me going. I had slept through 3 alarms and would have missed the call. It was a little weird. Human behavior from a cat.
Good kitty! He is worth sticking out an "inappropriate elimination" phase. Go team!
Side note: I bought a stainless steel protein shaker and mixed my coffee with it this morning because the Lairds creamer clumps. It is wonderful. Like an Aussie flat white.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Day 5 of 60
9:49pm and I am on the bike as I write this. I know this means it is not cardio... I just need to toughen up my butt for actual bke cardio and build the habit. I like the idea of writing here, which is my release at the same time I ride the bike to build a positive mental association.
I kind of want aero bars to support my arms as I type but that is dumb on a cheap mountain bike.
Yesterday was a marathon and it just kept going when I got home because dad was feisty.
Today I woke up about 8am, and started pre-cleaning for the organizer. Patio scrub and general pickup/dishes. She and I worked on part of the third bedroom and the linen closet. I don't know that we got much done but I do feel better. She comes back tomorrow so we can do the last 6 boxes of mom's papers.
For dinner I made stuffed peppers, a favorite of dad's... I made 4... That's a little over a pound of ground beef, plus breadcrumbs, rice, and tomato sauce. Probably somewhere between $7-8.50 for the ingredients for 4 servings. There were also mashed potatoes. Fed dad before I left about 6:50... Left the other two in a container on the counter to cool before putting them in the fridge.Went to OA... Came home a little after 9 with bread and dessert... only to find he had eaten the 2 peppers that were for lunch tomorrow. I was pretty horrified... That was more than a day's worth of sodium with the sodas and the mayo in the potatoes... plus that much beef is bad for his heart. He had already eaten a huge tub of homemade chicken soup that had salt in the broth... My shock and horror started a big fight because he was humiliated.
So I am happy to be hiding on the bike and writing here.
OA was awful. I don't understand how these meetings help anyone. It is just people beating themselves up for every little thing they do wrong. My share is that I am taking care of my dad and I can't not buy him treats and bring them home because that is deprivation and abuse... but I can't stay out of his treats and they aren't anything I even like. I got stressed out when it was time to talk to people after... This one lady was trying to sell me on participating and being open... I just got stressed and said straight out this conversation is asking me really uncomfortable. I feel pressured I want out of this conversation now and left. It was rude... but I was just so happy to be gone.
So home, on my bike. Alone. So much for trying to be social and part of the community. Augh.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Sorry your daddy ate all your food! - better luck next time, huh!? i'd be upset to as i like to know my food is available and not eaten by someone else when i go looking for it!
sometimes the best thing is to be alone a little, on a bike. I do love my bike :)
I really applaud you for saying you weren't comfortable with the conversation and left. Good for you!!!
Really???? That wasn't super mean and cruel?
Day 4/60
Again I write from the trainer. The stopwatch is running. 20 min minimum. Getting on it today was easy because I had already been to an 8am yoga class and I am mentally warmed up.
Dad was polite to me yesterday and this morning.It scares me because I've often thought it wouldn't kill him to be nice to me, he has aterminal condition, and maybe he's being polite because he is dying dying.
Also, no unexpected presents from the cat this morning. He might be a little backed up.
I picked up a measuring tape this morning so I can check my measurements. If they are anything like my weigh in yesterday (233.4), I am going to be horrified. I was so frustrated at not being able to find my measuring tape from my mom's ancient sewing box, I got a little upset and had "I want my mom" grief bursts all afternoon and evening.
Today is a doctor's appointment and groceries.
Yesterday I didn't cheat or binge eat although I did have a bowl of soup late night, followed by non caff tea.
56 more days. I can do this.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
On some level, I just can't believe my mom is really gone. And now that I am dealing with my dad, I am so sorry I thought all the things I thought. I had no idea what she had to do every day of her life.
Day 3 of riding trainer at least 20 min a day
Used my bedtime checklist, did everything on it, colored all the little squares in green. Today I woke up at 7 with alarm today! Had coffee right away!
Then got sidetracked by cold velcro pets who wanted extra cuddles.You wouldn't have been able to resist either.
Also, there was a fly I couldn't catch. It had to be a superhero bionic fly. GMO?
So today, getting on the trainer only took me 6 hours of procrastination, but I am writing this from the trainer, on my laptop, on the new trainer desk. While I ride it in my jammies wearing water sandals.
I know this is about discipline and mental toughness. Embracing the suck. Eating the frog. Consistency is key.
But waaaaaaah.
More than I rode yesterday which was zero. But I thought about it all day. So I did nothing but beat myself for not getting up and doing it.
So today is better.
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Got dad out for an outing to the dollar store. Just to air our heads... because he's been polite to me for a week and I am less stressed... and I have more bandwidth.
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The cat is in his bed purring and snoring at the same time. He hasn't pooped inappropriately in days. Joy!
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Day 2 of 60 - Ride trainer for at least 20 min a day
I think I need to simplify the goal for this push to just riding the bike on the trainer for 20 minutes a day. I am so out of condition and physically uncomfortable, that alone is the biggest push I can manage right now.
This time last year I had put my neck back together and toned and trimmed my body to be 2 sizes smaller. I've gained back 13lbs and everything just feels like I am encased in an outer layer of "flubber".
Back was feeling better yesterday... then I picked up the cat from the floor to give him a cuddle and put it out again. Then I slept and when I woke up my whole spine hurt like crazy. Then I twisted around a bit, took an Alleve, and it was better. Then I pulled a bunch of veggies from the bottom drawer of the fridge and it went out again.
Ow. Looing forward to doc visit, see if I herniated a disc.
Dad has been nice to me since Sunday. The cat pooped in his box again... I'm so relaxed and in such a good mood... I don't know what to do with myself... I've just been sitting in my bed all day like a big lump of buttter looking for chalet socks in size sasquatch. Spoiler alert: they don't make them.
We've been dairy-free for a week now. Left everything dairy off the Sams Club order... Let's see what another week of no dairy looks and feels like.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Even though you have gained 13 lbs, you have still done well and not gone up to your highest. look how far you have come, from your weight chart! THAT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!
you are doing great...why'd you decide on dairy free??
Accidental selection on dairy free... Dad had to take multiple antibiotics and they said no dairy for him which meant no dairy for me and it wasn't hard because I hadn't gone to the market in a bit... and dad has been considerably easier to live with (I will not offend your fine sensibilities with a detailed description of why) but I also feel better so I see no reason not to try another week.
But anyway, 5 minutes is a doable goal. You can do anything for 5 minutes. You can still reap benefits from just those 5 minutes. And I wouldn't worry about building on that goal for a while. That is to say, you can go longer if you want, but the goal is reached after 5 minutes.
I applaud you for dairy free. I'm so conflicted about what to eat lately. I was driving to the store to get wet food for my poor sick kitty and just about threw an internal fit about it all - meat, dairy, bread. I guess carrot sticks are allowed guilt-free.
I'm tired of sitting on my butt and slacking off. I just want to hit my daily checklist and keep going. Get to the other side of feeling flabby and bloated to being energetic and tight. Get to the other side of not working and be part of the world again. Get to the other side of lonely to being included.
Day 1 of 60 of riding bike 20 min in AM and 5 min before PM snacks
Stopped coughing enough to get out for Thanksgiving yesterday. Overslept till about 12 and found I've stopped coughing and back is stiff but not killing me, so I shrugged off conflict with dad. inertia and depression, and got on the bike for 20 min. The treadmill desk is perfect. I stuck my laptop on top and watched "Eat Yourself Sexy Australia" on Amazon Prime for motivation. Good job me.
Slight hiccup is that the trainer is really loud and I can't hear the laptop over it. I used headphones but still no go. Think I need noise cancelling ones.
Next step today is to get out and walk my dog to build up sleep drive.
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Ate too many cookies and tortilla chips, but did make dad a healthy dinner and I can do it again tomorrow... So one step forward, two steps back.
Now that the house is clean, I am more grateful to be here.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
glad you are using the standing desk/treadmill desk. i will be needing to walk more / move more myself. last two days have been slow or maybe that's just how i feel.
when i was walking to and from the bus to work, i think it added up easily despite all the sitting i was doing at work, it seemed to work for me. we don't know what's good for us until we stop huh!?
why did you need to hear the laptop over the trainer? i'm confused with this one...?
I love how resilient you are and always get back on track even when you stray.
So if you can manage it, I *would* get the better headphones - I think you'll find it necessary to keep up this habit.
I've never heard of this TV show, but I'm intrigued. I MUST get someone to set up the Amazon Prime account on our TV... Someone is having problems remembering his password.
You are resilient too and you are motivating all of us with your recent successes at home and with your dad and all the hard work you've put in has paid off :)
Dad is being nice to me and it is making me eat emorionally. Ate too many carbs last night and too many cookies today. Next I will have a piece of carrot cake.
This morning he politely asked me to make him some coffee, like I'm a human being. Then he gave me everything I needed to do a task on our to do list... and I did it. Then I got home and said I did it and he said that's great.
Also, the cat pooped in his box again today. Multiple times, and only in his box.
What alternate dimension am I in?
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
Hugs.
Kitty is a stuffed animal... He had plain chicken and rice with probiotic powder and a little pumpkin.
Day 14 of days on hold...
Still coughing. A lot.
Dad was actually nice and cooperative today. Maybe somehow I got through to him that despite him being a royal pain in the ass... nonstop... I'm not looking to force him to go out onto an ice flow. We woke up, had coffee, and treated each other like human beings all day.
The most shocking part of it all was that when he got the delivery slip from the oxygen company, I saw him put it in the correct file tray all on his own, unprompted. Considering that I have excavated 6 rooms of paper piled to the ceiling, this one small improvement was staggering. It made me feel a little happier and I watched Stephen Colbert's monologue with him. Like human beings.
Also shocking... The cat has steadily pooped in his box (and only in his box) multiple days in a row. I'm so proud of him, my dog gets jealous.
A couple of days ago, I diverted some pro organizer time to the kitchen and took everything apart to keep/toss old pots, pans and dishes. I also put some work into my space and put up pretty contact paper over the old, torn bathroom wall paper, put up real curtains in my bedroom, and got the treadmill desk together.
I woke up this morning to pretty sunlight, a warm puppy on my butt, and a purring kitty. Today when I came home there were clear counters to put things down on and it was easy to feed dad and the pets. I did a ton of work today (laundry, cooking, sams club run, dishes, tidying, etc...) but none of it was as exhausting or burnout-inducing as previous days. I had a little bit of energy leftover tonight to put my feet in an epsom salt bucket and relax a little with a cupcake. That "aaaaah" moment was finally achieved.
I might manage to pull it all together.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
also the epsom salts i havent done in awhile....need to do this also :) thanks for the idea.!!!
Epsom salts are pure joy. Old lady sexy.
Day 13 of days on hold...
Almost over this head cold. I still cough.
In the ER with my dad right now. He's got a nosebleed from stuffing kleenex up his nose that won't stop so we had to come in... and it stopped while we were here. When I brought my mom I was fully engaged and desperate for information. Bringing my dad... I'm just annoyed. One more inconvenience as he dithers around doing everything but what he needs to be doing. We had a huge fight this morning and I am just burned out. I don't feel appreciated or respected.
I want to be home in bed.
I want my mom.
At least I made the effort to eat healthy today and work on my home workout space. Self care. I can pull it all back.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
yes, guinea pigs are quite large compared to a hamster that i own already! i cannot wait!!!!! that's my black friday shopping! :)
There's nothing like an exciting new furbaby to fall in love with.
We're making pretty good progress though. She keeps the energy bright and happy and we don't dissolve into fights when she is here. I'm learning a lot.
I would actually consider staying with him and having a caregiver if we had a plan in place for handling aging issues. It's the "no plan, no destination" thing that is eating me up. It makes everything scarier.
"I am not forgetting your comment a few days ago about being homeless yourself if he has to move somewhere for care" - If he moves somewhere for care it will be really difficult to find somewhere for a 24 year old incontinent dog and an 8+ year old cat with thyroid issues and some potty behaviors to come with me. I have couches I can crash on worst case scenario, but I can't take my pets. I can't put my dog down early... The cat is really awesome and is connecting me emotionally to something good I did for her.
Putting him somewhere else... I don't think I'd like that much. I am looking at http://www.canhr.org/ and it looks like due to weight and health issues, he'd be at a lot of risk for abuse. So I would have to be there every day.
ON HOLD: 60 Day Push: Must ride bike 20 min in AM and for 5 min before eating after dinner.
Day 9 of days delayed on starting this push...
Cough cough. Hack hack. All the coughing scares the pets. It's 1:30 AM and the pets have not settled in yet. Everytime they lay down, I cough and scare them. Then the cat wants more dinner. Maybe this cat needs to go to OA.
I am just getting to bed because today has been a circus with dad. However, this morning when he started in as soon as he heard me moving, I bailed out and got coffee. I had a lovely, productive day of going through mail, handling business, getting a walk in, grabbing groceries, picking up Del Taco for dad, coming home to be in bed at 8pm... then another world war. I would hate to be our neighbors.
There was no getting to bed at that point... so I just had the fight. When a break presented itself, I cleaned up the front porch and the patio, walked my dog, came back in and had the next fight. In between fights I went through more of his papers and sorted them by company till I was burned out. Then I entertained the pets with some training. Dog actually does remember "sit"... I think I've been letting too much slide with her hips and dementia. She did it a couple of times till the cat got the idea, then went to "down" and stayed there and was happy to get a treat whenever the cat did "sit". My dog is all for getting treats when the cat earns them for her. The cat learned sit very quickly so the two of them dispatched a dixie cup of low sodium deli turkey in short order. Once it was gone, the cat would sit, expect the treat, and yowl his disappointment in my face. My big success was setting up a table and a placemat for him to work on... It was much easier to work with him when I didn't strain my back or neck, communicaton was easier when I could tell where his attention was going, and he enjoyed looking me directly in the eye to get his point across.
I think tomorrow night I can add the clicker.
Obstacle 6: Location of Cooler
Trying to manage blood sugar in the AM for exercise seems to require 100 calories of protein and fiber before, and then carbs and fiber after to keep level. The mini electric cooler is awesome, low power draw, and a good solution... but if the cord gets nudged it loses power and food spoils. I can see why it was on deep discount... if it is supposed to go in a car it wouldn't stay cold. I moved the cooler onto the desk hutch positioned next to the bike where I can easily see if the power light is on from anywhere in the room.
Also did a Costco run today so I was able to stock it with seltzer, hard boiled eggs, hummus cups, string cheese, and apple slices. Simple fare, but I'm not making gourmet meals these days... Just survival cooking.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
ahhh, bed by 8pm! lately, all i do is want more and more sleep omg!
and of course tacos are tasty. lol. sorry it's hard lately with your dad. maybe it will pass and get a bit better soon.
my parents buy cases of seltzer at costco too. it helps to get a big container since they are always drank up so quickly.
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Sounds like a very successful day so far.....the kitty with the soft claw pat......I wish mine had that...he insists on having his foot in my mouth on my nose,cheek, etc repeatedly...but while he attempt the soft paw...it ALWAYS involves sharp claws...he has put holes in most of my clothes....every other cat has had the soft paw thing going on...this one NOPE!!!
LOL... You need those little rubber claw tips you super glue onto their claws! They run around with fancy feet! https://www.chewy.com/purrdy-paws-soft-cat-nail-caps-40/dp/153904
Donkey on 12/05/2019:
I love a soft paw wake-up. It's been so long since I've had one of those.
I'll comment on your previous entry as well. It sounds like Wednesday was a much better day than Tuesday...
Aaaaaaw. It's the best right? This morning he came and woke me up at 8am again, then sat on my lap and purred.
Maria7 on 12/05/2019:
Hope you have a good day. Your cat sounds very intelligent!
Possibly smarter than me... He's trying to train me with rewards and penalties.
Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/05/2019:
Your coffee idea in the shaker sounds tasty....
and you are getting so many things done, go you! so efficient in the AM! i don't get nearly that much done in terms of electronics! :)
You have no idea how much it revolutionized my cup of coffee. Delicious.
legcramps on 12/05/2019:
i love the smell of peppermint
Really perked me up... Peppermint tea is also good.
Having a hard time getting the whole room to smell though!