Sun 5-8-22 7:40am
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!
I miss my mom.
Shake it off.
Somehow despite lying around like a sloth yesterday, or because of it, I dozed off at 8:30 while running the AC before bed. Oops. I not only didn't turn off the electric, I ran up the bill. At leat I got up at 2 and turned it off. Augh. I slept 10 hours and got a ton of REM. The cat kept checking to make sure I am still breathing. She would definitely eat me if I wasn't. She is not happy with this switch to wet food we are doing and has stuck her mouse in the middle of her plate, like a cake topper.
Time to go for a walk and do something worthwhile with my day. One day of just giving up and lying there was a necessary sacrifice. 2 leads to depression.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Sat 5-7-22 11:30am
Did the 6pm watch the news ritual with my dad. Was low on REM so dad got one in and I sank. He didn't like the meatloaf and told me to leave so I did. If I wasn't so tired, I'd have shrugged it off and gone to bed on time at 8 but instead I stayed up watching tv till 11 and had extra snacks. Woke up at 7:30 this morning, so not a bad slide. Totally recoverable and at least I got REM Rebound. Waiting for the rebound fog to clear so I can get started today.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Fri 5-6-22 7:50am
I did it. I woke up at 4:45 with my alarm, took meds, spaced out a bit, hopped on coworking, got my head together, did pt, and went for a 45 min walk. I will work on tightening up the routine, but I did it. Grrr. Getting after it.
Shocker was that my body battery charged all the way to 93 last night. REM was light and did not bring my 7 day average up so I am still struggling. I am hoping that consolidating my sleep cycle will help with increasing REM sleep relative to duration.
BUT that means I am really wiped mentally and physically. And I still need to go grocery shopping and clean the entire house top to bottom. In theory my dad's friend is coming tomorrow, but I can't do it all by then.
And dad doesn't like the Jambalaya I made and it is chicken thighs, shrimp and brown rice, none of which I am supposed to eat... so F me. What do I do with it?
Augh.
Cool and thrifty low water container garden I saw on my walk this AM.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
6pm. So not into this new ritual of TV time with dad, but I’m here and doing it because I am physically able and he won’t be around forever. I made him a meatloaf. Maybe if I do this everyday, I will start enjoying it. Or hate it less. In any case at least I won’t have squandered an opportunity for some kind of relationship with my dad.
I'm sorry the Jambalaya and meat loaf didn't work out. That's tough when you put in all that effort and the end-product is rejected.
i hope you freeze any extra shrimp jumbalya! i'd eat it in a quick second!
why can't you eat it? maybe just a little bit and a lot of veggies if you can get to the supermarket? it sure sounds GREAT.
Thurs 5-5-22 6:35am
How is it Thursday already?
How did I manage to fall asleep on time last night after a schedule disruption? I've never been able to do that before.
Why am I so tired and sluggish if I got a full night of sleep and my body battery charged to 85?
Chai is a treat this morning. I like the instant tea I found that is made from ground tea and not concerated flouridated water.
Saw a fairly horrifying post on Reddit sbout the upcoming downturn... lots of Internet babble, but still unnerving.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
8:20 just remembered I went for an afternoon walk to calm down after dad stressed me out and that probably impacted rem sleep as well.
Why can’t I just get things to work right???
Placing an Instacart order.
7:15 took a shower
Was supposed to be in bed at 8, but news was depressing and I felt bad cutting it off at 7 (but have to set that boundary) so I watched extra masterpiece theater. 8:51 in bed. Tomorrow I start 5am coworking sessions and accountability to consolidate my sleep cycle and do PT while I am strongest. Wearing my workout pants to bed tonight.
Lenders are the Devil.
Wed 5-4-22 11:30am:
Home from a great night out with Bobcat. We had thai. I ordered a beef salad and chicken satay. Yum, but more fat than I have been eating and I was up all night. When he woke up well rested after a full night of sleep, I headed home right away to beat traffic and fell asleep in my own bed in 5 min. My body clock will be all over the place the next couple of days, but it was worth it.
I planned today as a buffer day. Not sure where to start today. I'm more functional than usual... just lazy from being off schedule. Sugar is in range because I ate low carb for dinner last night.Body battery is 66... So really I could do anything I need to.
Like a normal person.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
I feel normal but I sure am aimless. Dad wants to talk about business. I just want to sit here and watch TV. It’s like I scheduled a buffer day and because that’s what I planned, that’s all I can do.
Wait… it’s 2pm. Did I really just say that??? Omg… when was the last time I had that kind of energy.
Wait… now I remember. I host coworking in an hour
Thank you Lord for my dad, space to heal, Bobcat, DD. Please help me get restorative sleep with REM tonight so that I can keep going. I’m trying so hard, I swear.
I can do some Mexican cooking, Italian & Chinese. But rarely do these days.
Tues 5/3/22 9:20 am:
Pausing after waking up late, scrambling to get a walk in, therapy call. It's good to stop and breathe.
Realized this morning looking at my to do list that ithe better sleep and higher body battery doubled my functional hours to perform tasks from 1-2 hours to 3-4 hours and that they aren't all crowded at the start of the day... I was able to do stuff in the morning, take a break, and do errands in the afternoon. Big change.
Yay!
The walk I squeezed in yesterday kept my training zone up but gave me an hour of insomnia, and lower REM. During the hour of insomnia I ate 2 string cheeses, keto crackers, almonds and seltzer. Still, my sugar stayed in range, even if I didn't get it closer to the 100s. Still proud. Showing it off here.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
Mon 5-2-22 10:20am
Inch by inch. Pebble by pebble. I will move the mountain.
Confetti should have spontaneously burst from the ceiling and started a party, I did so many things right last week. EMF thing paid off so far.
All in all, a good start to the week.
I know the stats bore everyone, but I just want to show this off. I was 63% in range yesterday with just the one Glipizide in the morning and a second one for emergency rescue if I miscalculate... I took one after the spike in the evening for the blueberries and granola. I'm incredibly proud of this because I'm pulling off what the endocrinologist said I wouldn't be able to do without additional meds.
Made a plan to watch the news with dad every night at 6. Why not. Maybe it will make me 1% less of an ****.
Lord, thank you for my dad, space to heal, Bobcat, my mom’s friends and Mama Cat. Please help me get restorative sleep tonight with the right mix of REM and deep. Pease help me watch tv with dad without the usual family drama and still get to sleep after.
you've come a LONG way with all these changes, like Bear says.
So many changes. It’s scary when you get better health advice from Reddit than your doctor.
I noticed that after yoga last night, my body battery had increased by 5 points. Cool!
Sun 5-1-22 7:45am:
I was pretty sure I'd have terrible insomnia last night, (ate too close to bed) but I turned off the tv on time, flipped off the electric, and went to bed. I used a great sleepcast podcast to meditate, and dropped off to slumberland on time at 9. I kept my body battery above 12. My sugar was a lot better. It SHOULD have translated into a perfect REM night... but no.
Ugh. Just ugh. I am going to be hating life in a couple of hours. Zombie day today and if I get REM rebound tonight, a zombie day tomorrow. Aaaaaargh!
Possibly it was the sleepcast on autoplay all night. It was still going when I woke up. Pulse ox and respiration were fine so probably not sleep apnea. Maybe the headphone angle? Or the hotdogs???
Recovery bank is down to 6 hours. My body battery charged into the 80s... My AM sugar is better... So... getting there.
The other big win I had this week with the electric off is that I start yawning at 8pm and can remember to go to bed. I don’t know how many years it has been since I yawned at bedtime.
I really thought that getting consistent sleep and lower sugar would be this magic point where I’d feel so much better but… meh. Not so much apparently. I’m not really feeling up to doing much of anything fun.
8. In bed. No electric. Turned off autoplay on spotify. Sugar is starting to drop into range after the blueberries (ugh). Body battery is at 22…
Lord, thank you for my dad, space to heal, Bobcat still being here. Please help me get 8h restorative sleep with enough deep and REM again like last Monday.
4-30-22 7:45am:
Yesterday I managed to walk 15 min, sort papers, do 2 errands. I also wore myself out and reduced sleep quality... so light on REM... BUT I did manage to get my sugar down overnight and this AM... heading towards the hundreds for fasting. Now I just need to not exhaust myself to avoid unplanned eating and keep it down. Still an hour to go on my 14h fast and I am super hungry.
I was up at 5 but laid in bed 2h to raise my body battery 10 points and give myself a shot at keeping sugar down and getting quality sleep tonight. Not great sleep hygeine but a nice long walk and an errand will help with that.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
9:30 am… How am I already tired??
11:00 figured out that I took IR meds too close to a meal and they didn’t kick in. Lying down for an hour while I wait. I could have caffeine but it’s too late in the day.
12:30 quest pizza… 3.50 less at Target!!! Ate the whole thing. Let’s see if it actually does lower my blood sugar.
Lord, thank you for my dad, space to heal, and the high body battery today. Please help me get restorative sleep tonight. I’m really trying.
Friday 4-29-22 9am
Starting today with one foot in a cement bucket... not enough sleep. It was a hard night. I fell asleep on time no problem (8:30pm) but I had a nightmare that I wasn't getting any better, I had to call APS for my dad, and nobody would hire me. I woke up at 10pm. I tried everything to get back to sleep, more melatonin, string cheese, a couple of pieces of raisin toast I definitely should not have had. Finally at 1 am I took a shower since dad was up anyway and I finally fell back asleep at 2am. I set my alarm for 7 and got 5 hours of sleep. I guess God heard me because I got enough REM that it wasn't a crisis and a body battery charge of 60 so I can do basic things today without ruining my sleep. (I'm pretty sure this higher charge is due to turning off the electric to my bedroom at night. Thinking about doing that for any time not spent with the computer on as well.) My 1:15 walk last week fell off my 7 day load so there is plenty of space for me to do my full PT routine today. I can do this. I even got a bit of a windfall in that dad didn't get any sleep, so he is rescheduling his appointment for next week. I don't have to burn myself out. I just need to stay calm because as I went out to do the AM routine with him, not fully awake because I slept in 1h, he hit me with anxieties over money and spending. I'm not quite across the line on enough quality sleep banked to do paperwork... I could pull off minor errands and driving, but not an in depth account and statement review... like Sunday, I think I can totally do that. Just need 2 or 3 more solid nights of sleep and lower sugar.
I wish I hadn't eaten the raisin toast. Next time I will shower instead. I need to stay out of the dad treats. Ugh.
Progress as of today: 68.3 lbs lost so far, only 88.7 lbs to go!
8pm yawning… must be time to go to bed. Turned off the tv. Reminded dad to take meds. Went to bed. No luck! 8:40 still awake. Ugh!!!!
Dear Lord, thank you for my dad, space to heal and the 5h of effective sleep I got last night. Please help me get restorative sleep tonight. I’m really trying hard.
A 60 body battery is not that bad. Not great, but doable for the day, I supposed depending on the day. I think you did quite well.
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Inch by inch
7:50… ok, I will walk and conquer the day after I make tea in the steamer and lay here for 15 more minutes….
9am. Just finished my tea. I can get my body moving and do a walk. I can overcome inertia and get moving again. Get on schedule for tomorrow.
9:30am. Back from my walk. Dad wants to engage. I’m torn between staying clear so I can pull myself back together and start the week off right tomorrow… or making blueberry pancakes and sausage in honor of mom for mother’s day. I miss her. I really miss her. Made my bed. My bedroom is in disarray from not feeling well yesterday. I should probably start there. I need to resist the urge to lie in bed all day and watch tv a second day in a row or I won’t build up enough sleep drive. I definitely need to do laundry.
10:30... Laundry started. Breakfast is heating up. Tidying of bedroom in progress. It's not a mess, it's just a little awry and visually cluttered because the space is multi-use.
Told dad I'd make pancakes for lunch. He got hopeful I went grocery shopping, I said no I planned ahead for Mother's Day.
12:45pm Laundry done. More tidying done. Next time to change dad sheets, wash them and start pancakes.
Oops. spoke too soon. Dad is asleep. Can't make any noise to wake him. I'll make them for dinner.
4pm. Sugar is finally back down in range. Step one of getting back up is in progress. Bedroom is tidy. I’ve been watching Masterpiece theater because I don’t want to make a lot of boise doing chores in the house while he sleeps. He’s finally in the bed.
7:48 Dad doesn’t want pancakes because there’s no milk. He won’t drink powdered or almond. Sigh.
9:41 still up watching tv. Do I know better? Yes.
12:20 am. Finally in bed. Should have been here hours ago. If I just avoided my dad I’d be in better shape but it’s not realistic.
Someday I would like to be completely indifferent to my dad and not so crushed every time I interact with him.
Lord, thank you for shelter, bobcat, and my cat. Please help me get restorative sleep tonight and host a good coworking session tomorrow. Help me be more joyful and a better person.
Donkey on 05/08/2022:
(((hugs))) A walk always seems to help me clear my mind.
Yes!!!
bearcountrygg on 05/08/2022:
I'm surprised that she dislikes the wet food.......it's usually the other way around.....Definitely ...too much thinking leads to depression.....I started taking B12 the other day and I have to say......I feel better mentally....( of course one should ask the DR if they are on prescription meds.
I bet b12 helps a lot!
I'll feel good again
She's a weird cat... she won't eat chicken, beef, or other people food except deli turkey... only likes kibble and hard treats... but she's constipated so time to restrict her to wet food. I'll get her some baby food tomorrow. I don't want to spend a bunch of money on a vet removing impacted stuff from her bowels.
horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2022:
it's good to see you are up and ready for the day. i love long sleeps like you had!
i'm sure your mom is looking over you :)