Day 9 of my Graindart streak. Stayed up a little too late last night by accident. Just spaced out, but still got up at a reasonable time this morning. Also, I ate half a burrito last night, and 3 corn chips, but I didn’t eat the whole burrito. I bought it because I used the facilities at a mexican place while I was waiting for yoga and didn’t want to leave without buying anything. At least I didn’t have brownies when I got home last night. I resisted and drank seltzer instead.
Still my weight was up today... probably from all the salt in that burrito.
221.4
Also had an epiphany today about something that Out Of My League Guy said while camping about a fight I had with my best friend from high school that I swear I did not understand till an hour ago and it dawned on me what she was saying. I think this guy and her husband would really get along, so I sucked it up, sent an apology to her husband and asked if I could connect them. Maybe that bridge isn’t so burned that he doesn’t just ignore it and will reply and I can offer some value in making a connection between quality people. At least that’s how the world should work, even if it doesn’t. And at least I tried. Amends to the people you have hurt.
I have the distinct suspicion that Out of My League Guy was a message from God along the lines of, “Hey, ***hat, now that I have your attention, this is what you could have had if you had stayed on track and not gotten lost in your own BS.”
Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around, right?
Also this epiphany partially came via a path laid down by my friend from church, so I sent her a text that thanked her for all the time and effort that she has put into me, and that I would explain later and just wanted to send her good vibes in the moment.
Then I went and got an amazing burger at my favorite place. It was just the birthday of my favorite waitress... the one that is nice to me and makes me feel welcome.
And also how can I forget the DD folks who let me share my thoughts, comment, and force me to think. I am working on many things but I can only get value from them if I have a place to “think”.
Connection.
Progress as of today: 96.3 lbs lost so far, only 14.7 lbs to go!
Broke my plateau today by a pound at least (I weighed in after breakfast)!!!! 220.7.
Bittersweet because of a guy, but more on that later. Let's focus instead that I am on Day 8 of my Graindart streak of having my **** together, had a great camping trip, my ancient puppydog had fun, we both ate healthy and made new friends... and I came home safely. I'm even on task and working on getting my computer issues diagnosed today.
DIVINE! Can you STAND it?
Progress as of today: 96.3 lbs lost so far, only 14.7 lbs to go!
he is having his sh*t together too, so a good comparison!
you sound so refreshed from a good camping trip! :)
No weigh in, Day 3 of having it together. Splitting headache last night and today. Possibly dehydration. Fingers were like raisins on the tips and as soon as I drank water it was a lot better. I need some hot tea, but decaf and no sugar sooo.... New habit I need to figure out. Highly motivated for that today though... yoga teacher last night says my posture has really improved since I started there.
I have so much to do but I am obsessed with getting everything planned and packed for the camping trip. Part of my problem is that I want to look good because I feel good, but I don’t know how to pull off cute while camping and everything that fits me is black!!! Not cute while camping. Clearly this requires another vision board but... ugh. Time!
1 hour and 20 min before yoga tonight. How do I best use this time???? Brain keeps bouncing around and not focusing because I am hungry. Pizza. Pinterest. DD.
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
and the headache is also due to dehydration.
feel better :)
maybe have a protein based snack / meal to feel better.
Woke up with zero pain, dizziness, spaciness, or headaches.My right shoulder woke up and said ow today after I hauled things out to the car... but it’s normal “I overdid it at yoga last night” pain, not “omg, what’s that burning sensation and why am I suddenly incontinent” pain. Didn’t trust it so I gave myself a slow start today... but because I felt so good when my dad woke up in a foul mood I quickly headed out to my favorite burger joint with my go box of mail and stuff I need to do to get through my day (because I had it together all day yesterday and did all my stuff at bedtime). Still need to brain dump my distractions in order to get started, but yesterday I was able to clear my brain with lower level stuff and then do 2 important things on my list like a goddamn adult... so let’s start a Graindart streak count and call it day 2 of having my **** on the road to together.
So, Day 2, no weigh in because I forgot... but the size of my ass is not as important as the ability to shake it. I missed a Yoga Class this morning but they said I can make it up tomorrow and there is another one I can grab tonight to fix my shoulder.
Fun story from last night... I was in a fantastic outfit that makes me a cute yoga babe and ran into a market to grab a salad. When I flipped on my lights, I noticed that I only had 1 headlight. Aha! I was prepared for this... so I got out my headlamp, non-conductive electric gloves, and my spare bulbs, popped the hood and changed it like goddamn Wonderwoman... superhero outfit and all because the yoga outfit was skintight and my bra is fantastic. Plus there was still plenty of time to make it to yoga, which wouldn’t have happened if I got pulled over or called AAA. I was so incredibly pleased with myself as I did it without pain, at the end of a successful day, and I had picked healthier food choices for dinner and actually been ready for each and every obstacle in front of me... AND been ready to handle a roadside emergency... I jumped for joy with my arms in the air and let out a huge “Whoo-hoo!”. There was a smattering of applause and laughter behind me and I turned to discover I had an audience of people who had been watching me. I waved like a beauty queen and went to yoga... because I am goddamn Wonderwoman and I can do anything.
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
you installed a headlight? wow!
No weigh in, forgot.
So Sunday in yoga I swear my neck released where I have the injury. It just kind of stretched and then dissolved/shifted like when you push on crisp plaster into termite wood and part of it just crumbles but the rest is solid... Followed by rice crispy treat cracking and popping along almost every joint all yesterday and today. The shoulder pop was scarier because it was a big crunch and I was sure I had dislocated it and aged ten years. This was shocking because it’s been frozen solid forever, pinching off my nerves and my brain. I could literally think again after class. I can even turn my head to look at the back of my shoulder. Either one. Still working on some flexibility though. Frozen down the rest of my spine for sure.
I kept it kind of simple yesterday and today...Headaches both days, spacey this morning. Nothing I planned was going to happen. I just kind of did some lower priority stuff and worked on personal organizing. I was shocked at how “on task” I was though... Not a whole lot of multiple attempts at the same task, hours passing without anything happening. Super “normal “.
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO ADD MEDITATION TOO!?
224.4
Neck and shoulder slightly better. Still spacey and sore though. OMW into an early yoga class at 10, then slogging back to church after for a “When God Says Wait” ladies thing, which sounds absolutely horrid. The only time I ever had fun at anything targeted at all ladies was a coding workshop and I suddenly realized why some women like “girls night” and even thought maybe bridal anything was a good idea. But my friend from church is organizing and I want to support her. So I am falling on my sword and taking one for the team. Augh.
Out of My League and Bad Timing Guy off OKC wants to meet up with me even though he has a cold. Noooooo!!!!
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
7:30 on a afriday night and I’m just waking up after falling apart today. Last night I popped my shoulder in yoga and yoga today didn’t fix it. A lot of pain and sleeping. Tomorrow will be better.
Also super hot guy with potential is in a LGAT group. Yikes.
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
but a pop isn't the worst...it should hopefully clear up in a week or less!
Forgot to weigh in this morning. Had an “everything hurts and I’m dying” after a restorative yoga class that focuses on subtle poses that I didn’t think was doing squat... Except OMG it feels like I did a thousand of them.
If I felt taller after my Monday class, after last night I feel stronger... I even caught myself admiring the definition above my knees!!!! And slightly concerned the skin looks loose and crepey over that muscle. Augh. The whole point of going slow as molasses and burning steady is to NOT have loose skin. How discouraging. But... vitamins and water and more yoga. All I can really do... except for thermage and that has complications. Nothing that might make me food in the Zombie apocalypse, thanks.
Also, got slightly discouraged last night because there is a woman in my yoga class who is a dime and on her way to completing her MBA. She’s very goal-directed and on top of her fitness and skin care regimen for sure. I got into a bad spiral because it reminded me of my old life and all the things that could have been if I had been able to make everything I need to do in a day to be there happen. I certainly had the opportunities in front of me before I ****ed it all up. I got really down and felt super shabby by comparison. I don’t think I have ever felt confident and put together. At my best I have only ever been barely holding it together and constantly felt like a fraud, about to be discovered. She’s just so very on the ball, totally together. And who knows how she really feels day to day? She undoubtedly has her own struggles. A little proud of myself for looking at it and not getting caught up in it. I went to the store on the way home, skipped all the junk and packaged foods that get red and yellow flags from the nutritionist and stuck to tomatoes and blueberries as a treat... to pair with greek yogurt, honey, and paleo granola tonight as dessert. I also bought some hair gel to tame the mess (I may not be plus sized anymore, but my hair is slow to catch up... I had fine, thinning hair which has started to grow back in and like every other fine strand is only 2-4 inches long... makes for some crazy hair days till it is long enough to cut together... but no longer thinning).
To help put my head back together, I took my dinner back out to the car when I got home to have some quiet alone time and restore myself emotionally. I ate my dinner and ended up talking to a guy off JustOKcupid that I was shocked had messaged me. He’s 37, an engineer, tall, and employed. It was a huge ego boost to even be in the running. It was a nice conversation and weirdly I preferred puppet dude, who is short, fat, old, and poor because he is more fun to talk to at least. This guy... Super-focused on getting married and having kids but makes it sound as much fun as a visit to the gynecologist and a low-paid job at a daycare. He seemed to like talking to me though and even though I tried to get off the phone multiple times he kept me on for over an hour. So I was like... look here’s the skeleton in my closet... I had a bad chiro injury a couple of years ago, didn’t have a good support system in place, and it’s taken me a super long time to recover. I’m doing it though... Today I did cardio and went to yoga. Tomorrow I will do more. So I said look it’s a long shot that us dating would work out, but you sound cool there’s a camping trip coming up, come join us and sent him the link. But... trying to raise his spirits raised mine and I went back in.
Unfortunately, I then ate white bread my dad left out. This led to friction that carried over to today.
Every minute is an opportunity.
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
Do not compare yourself to that other woman. We all have our struggles. Perhaps use her "so put together" facade as an inspiration. But a comparison would be completely unfair to yourself.
Nothing wrong with inviting someone out to get to know them better - I met a few people back in the day that were eager to make sure I knew what their goals in life were before we even got to a 'dating' stage LOL; I guess why waste time if you don't have the same goals?!
Miracle of miracles, yoga last night fixed my neck and I think even made me taller because I had to adjust my mirrors. Yoga again tonight. I have to admit I liked the place last night better but I had yoga brain after and had to wait it out before I could drive. I went to a Korean market that I did not like the prices at at all, but bought salad veg like a good girl. Then omw home I passed too many fast food places. Every burger, ice cream, and pizza place was calling to me to reward myself with a nice treat. However, with being completely pain-free... I just had no desire to cave. Nothing tastes as good as not wanting to cut my head off to get rid of a migraine.
Also, DDP Yoga support team gave me a 30 day free trial on their app so I had to honor that gift. Felt like if someone out there was cutting me a break, I needed to keep going.. I couldn’t figure out what the workouts were supposed to be and if I needed to buy the DVDS too. So they said here’s a free 1 month pass. Plan is to go to yoga early and do the workout before the restorative one.
224.5... Aaaargh. That scale does not budge. Nutritionist has flagged last several days green as far as food choices... So it’s time to start crunching calories again. Now that I have meal patterns more or less where she wants them, I’m supposed to watch portion sizes. I think my plastic meal prep containers are too big and encouraging me to pack meals that are too big for a 300 cal per meal limit. Instead of buying more containers, I bought a pack of silicone cupcake liners so I can make the containers I already have into smaller divisions and still prepack meals.
Interestingly, nutritionist says that eating non-gmo doesn’t have any scientific proof of better health benefits.
Goal for today is to pack my daily am pack of steelcut oatmeal into packets that are 300 cal max with protein, oats, fruit, and nuts...
and 4 more things per OT guidelines
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
if you reach a plateau, which so far you've had great progress moving downward, it means there is another slight change you have to make and that at the moment you are burning the same calories you are consuming! keep crunching!
Forgot to weigh in today. Too much parent drama this morning. All over a misplaced hair catcher for a drain, and the other 3 not being good enough. If the other 3 aren’t good enough, shouldn’t they be recycled?
Sigh.
Stayed on task and completed 4 errands this morning. 1 unplanned. Then I had a splitting headache and had to come home and take a break. Not sure if it was lack of caffeine or my neck. Neck is super tender but caffeine helped... as did a little dark chocolate. So 1 more errand today to fill my 5 a day quotient. Pretty proud of myself.
More yoga tonight. Trying for 1 a day each day this week. I’ll also do the sample workout from DDP yoga app when I get there.
—
Good quote for today: Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.
Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!
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Talking things out even when using a keyboard helps me process them too.
Donkey on 10/02/2018:
Wonderful epiphanies! I'm thrilled for you!
Hugs. I guess. I figure it all out eventually