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happy-1 - Saturday Jun 04, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 247.2

Not really sure what I ate. I think:

  • 2 burritos with enchillada sauce and cheese
  • chicken tikka masala meal
  • bag of snap peas
  • Rotisserie chicken
  • water 

Went down to parents place to work from home and wait for the bed to be delivered. I expected a full size adjustable bed. Instead I got a toddler bed!!!!!! So upset. So much for my big plan to organize my stuff and clean up the living room.

Worked all day, with a few too many breaks and ended up working late. Bah, working from home.

Afterwards, I fixed two faucets (all by myself), pulled stuff together for storage, and made dog food for the week. She doesn't seem to be sick. I don't know why she is peeing everywhere. I don't know how I am going to get a urine sample for her on my own. Last time Mi and I worked as a team to get a sample. I don't have anyone to buddy up with for this.

I also tried on interview suits I had stashed in my mom's closet for safekeeping when I outgrew them. I have a great black suit in size 16 that I can get into, but it is too tight to wear without damaging it. Almost there though.  The last time I was a size 16 I think I was like 225? I'm 247 at weigh in last week. Maybe I have more muscle now?  I dunno.  I think I am maybe 10lbs away from fitting it. My friend M was hounding me to invest more in my wardrobe, but I can't get a stable size... I just expand and contract every year.

Progress as of today: 60.8 lbs lost so far, only 67.2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
You do have TOTAL CONTROL over your body & your weight. the key to weight is calories. Less calories in = weightloss. More calories in than you need = weightgain...

you just need to find a way to eat to get to a lower weight but not always be hungry...perhaps you can substitute some of the higher cal things you like with ones with lower calories. i can give you tips when i read your foods...

nice job on a snap pea snack! very filled with fiber and healthy.

with the rotisserie, did you eat the entire chicken? half the chicken? maybe next time just eat 1/4 of the bird and the rest of the meal have veggies. like, eat the chicken 1/4 of it and have the bag of snap peas, as one meal.

chicken tikka meal sounds like the microwave types...they have such cool things these days :) you can always add veggies to it, if you aren't full.

ok, so the burritos = nice! just try to maybe have ONE. and if you need something to fill you up, why not a decaf or regular coffee with the burrito or after it? that's what i do. less volume, but add a low calorie drink.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
i think you eat well and fine choices really. maybe try to eat one of things, instead of 2 or 3. and then, to fill yourself up, you can have low cal waters, seltzers, diet drinks, etc. coffee, teas. You do NOT have to change your food choices, just eat a little less of them, more of the low cal stuff with them.



happy-1 - Thursday Jun 02, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 247.2

B - egg muffin, protein shake

S1 - Skipped

L - 2 bulk chicken burritos, 1 greek yogurt muffin

S2 - 

D - 

S3 - 


Worked super late last night and left laptop and phone at home today after using it for an early call with offshore team. Doh! 

No homework was done last night. Leaving early today to get time back for it.

Bed arrives tomorrow.

---

 

 

Progress as of today: 60.8 lbs lost so far, only 67.2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
ohhh, so are you happy with your bed!?

i always would leave homework till sorta last minute...with pressure, i was always able to do a better job than when i had ample time..



happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 01, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 247.2

6AM B - Skipped

9AM S1 - Breakfast egg muffin

12PM L - Turkey sandwich with 2 slices cheese, mayo on half a slice of lavash bread, baglet of chips, honest grape drink

3PM S2 - Orange, greek yogurt mini muffin, seltzer 

6PM D - 2 chicken bulk burritos, hot sauce, vitamin water

9pm S3 - Missed, worked late

12pm - Midnight dinner. Bag of frozen chicken pasta veggie thing, 2 tortillas, 4 pieces of cheese, 2 oranges.

I guess I overeat when I miss meal slots. Need to record times more.


Overslept till 8, left the house at 8:30... traffic was super bad and got here at 9:45... over an hour to go 8 miles. So need to test out my bike. I bet I can just go down sidewalks. The trip home after dark is hard though. Dangerous to go under the bridges here and all the drivers are texting.

----

Rumor mill has it that there are huge layoffs tomorrow. HR needs to step up his game. Nobody is getting much done.

----

Sierra Club is promoting their Wilderness Travel Course and Wilderness First Aid Course again. They both look amazing. Wish my CPR cert wasn't expired. I'd totally sign up. Three more things to add to the wishlist.

At least the REI classes are free!

 

 

 

 

Progress as of today: 60.8 lbs lost so far, only 67.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/02/2016:
Where on earth do you live. It doesn't sound at all like my commute or NYC at all. I live in Queens. We have traffic, but i guess we have more lanes.

But actually, my commute is similar to yours. just around 8 miles too probably & yes around 45 minutes usually...so not as bad as yours, but similar.

Rush hour is the worst haha.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/02/2016:
what's a greek yogurt mini muffin? calories?


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/02/2016:
and good job with the calorie-free seltzer...filling and no cals, excellent!!!!



happy-1 - Tuesday May 31, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 247.2

B - 2 fried eggs, 3 turkey sausages,  sweet potato

S1 - Coffee, 6 creamers

L - Turkey sandwich on lavash with 2 slices provolone and mayo

S2 - one fun size kit kat, protein shake

D - late... 9ish... a chicken salad at Wendy's. Too hungry to keep going. Surpisingly, a good spot to do homework in a pinch.

S3 - cheap chicken burrito from bulk at Smart and Final


Seeing my ex was uneventful... Which was really nice!  No news is good news. Just hung out and had some lunch. So we'll see.

---

Texted him today that I am ok, and that I will 

---

Got paid today (thank god). There won't be any layoffs this week. It looks like they will continue to trickle fund the company.

A little upset  because people got so freaked out that they might not get paid that they took monitors and printers home over the weekend... essentially anything saleable. I am a little annoyed, because it made it hard to get started this morning and also worried about what that does to our overall internal management practices... and how we keep moving forward!

---

Camping table I ordered on sale with my dividend and 20% off coupon at REI is awesome. Finally have a coffee table/cook table for camping and a desk to do homework on.

---

One completed homework assignment, courtesy of the new desk! Also completely setup meds and vitamins for the week on it. I can't believe I finished another Costco bottle of fish oil. Man I'm getting old.

---

Super glad the company isn't closing because this little fragile bubble of life phase I have now is kind of awesome... Sure things are really, really, really hard right now, but so many things are going right... a job I like, volunteer work that matters to me, better health, time with my family, more time outdoors, and now the love of my life back in the picture. I can't believe that I get to spend another month on this streak...  Thank you God and family and friends and everyone around here.

 

 

Progress as of today: 60.8 lbs lost so far, only 67.2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/01/2016:
I enjoyed reading this long post, especially the last paragraph regarding the good things you are thankful for & will post more when i have more time to think about what i want to say! ...getting ready for work, i love to check on DD & comment a little bit now.


OhioRaven on 06/01/2016:
I like your attitude, Hap. I'm getting old too. I'm glad you've got a job that you like. I like the fact you're eating sweet potatoes for breakfast. I like that you're a volunteer. I re-married my ex-wife once. And then divored her again. Good Post today. Thanks for sharing.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/02/2016:
So...I am glad seeing your ex was uneventful. Now i'm back to annoying guy problems with the one i like (the one i saw last week!). He's pulling away slightly - busy week back to work i know, i'm not worried actually. I hope to call him & leave him a message on Friday. I miss him already. ... haha

Lol, i've never done HW at Wendy's, but at 9pm i'm sure it was pretty quiet in there.

What's going on in your company...how frustrating. I'd probably be crying myself to sleep if it were me. Good job holding up. Good job going in. Glad you got paid.

Once again, hold your head up. You are doing great...I also take fish oil, especially with meals where i know there's hardly a bit of fat, i take the fish oil..



happy-1 - Sunday May 29, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 247.2

6am B - Missed

9am S1 - Missed

12pm L - Vanilla shake

3pm S2 - Burger, sweet potato fries

6pm D - Raw snap peas

9pm S3 - Turkey sandwich with cheese and mayo on rye


Lost another 1.2 lbs... Wild!  Must have been water weight that finally came off this week.

Up at 9:30am, better than yesterday. Got up, took a shower, and washed my poor stinky dog. She now smells like a pine forest.

Plans for the day... Homework, followed by more homework and then some homework. Farmer Boys, here I come.

---

Dad had a bad fall in the clutter in his room. Homework delayed.

---

Stressful day full of delays.

Was loading the car to go to storage and my dog got out... NO IDEA how she opened both the front door and the screen door... but I did. Normally she will make me chase her 20 blocks (under the peril of gangs, creepy guys, traffic, cops writing tickets, and animal control on the hunt for stray pit bulls but really any dog).... So cleverly I acted like I was super excited she wanted to come, hadn't even thought she would want to go to storage, but if she wanted to come she should just jump in! She took a long look at me... Like I had grown a second head and was pulling her paw... but decided to believe me and jumped in the car. I was now committed to a doggie outing.  We went to storage then got a burger. She was not a fan of the location. She shivered, cried and pawed at me the whole time... I think because she was cold from sume wet underfur (despite the space insulator pad and microplush blanket I had for her) and there were too many noises from the parking lot. She wouldn't eat her special $4.25 plain hamburger. We attracted a lot of attention from the next table... Very nice family, but you could tell they were having hard lives and were out for a big day and I just felt for them and wished I could make everything better... but I can't.  I finished my food and we went home. She clearly would have like to have finished up with a walk but I was so mentally exhausted. I just showered, napped... pulled myself back together and walked her so I would feel like less of a grinch. Not a long walk, but at least a walk in daytime. And we saw several cats, a bunny, and a chicken... which she enjoyed very much.

I wonder how many good life decisions I have to make and pounds I have to lose to be the kind of person who finds it easy to just get up and go for a dog walk every day without fail. I dated a guy a couple of summers ago who had some issues, but the one thing that was really nice was that he was that kind of person and we just got up and walked my dog a couple of times a day. It was so nice to not feel guilty all the time for not doing enough for my dog and too guilty to just get up and do it.

---

My dog had literally exploded in a cloud of fur all over my car so I went to the car wash and vacuumed it all out.

Then I went to the El Segundo Farmer Boys which was a far cry from the other chains. Bad wifi, no outlets, generally an unhappy vibe. They gave me some abandoned salad that had been sitting around instead of my order... so I asked for a refund and the manager was really rude. She would give me a refund for the salad, but not the drink, and when I said I wanted the refund so I could get a drink at the Farmer Boys a couple of miles away in Gardena when I got my meal there without trying to sneak in a cup to get refills, she lost it on me and told me to get out and that she hoped I had better luck there. I don't know why she lost it on me... I wasn't being rude or raising my voice.

I was upset, so on the way to the other location I had to pull over. There was a grocery store so I picked up some stuff while I detoxed, and ended up just going home after.

----

Not a ton of luck getting homework done. My dad keeps trying to have deep meaningful conversations with me (before he dies). My dog keeps freaking out about the firecrackers and either bugging me or my mom... and if she bugs my mom, my mom comes and yells at me to do something about the dog. So I crated my dog. Then my mom freaked out that my dog was crated. I don't know why. I don't normally have it set up (no floor space, it has to be on my bed) but when I do my dog tends to sleep in there and will sometimes use the rawhide handle I made her to pull the door closed behind her (so she can hide). I wish the crate was big enough for me right now!  

My poor dog. She will be so appreciative of my new bed.  I'll move her big foam bed under it and she can have a little burrow nest all her own.

---

Uplift! One of the free backpacking classes at REI opened up a spot so I signed up. Super, super looking forward to it. 

---

Super, super want but am not buying this camp lounger that looks great for a nap studying while camping.

http://www.backcountry.com/travelchair-big-bubba-chair

---

Seeing my ex tomorrow. *** Deleted for posterity ***

I have this awful desire to just no show so I can do homework. No text that I can't make it. Just not go.

Progress as of today: 60.8 lbs lost so far, only 67.2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/29/2016:
Congrats on your weight loss progress! How nice! And i'm glad you are enjoying a nice smelling dog! I am guessing the dog doesn't care either way!?

I hope your dad is alright.

happy-1 on 05/29/2016:
Dogs are always offended when they have gone to great lengths to eradicate our nasty human stench and we hose it all off and add insult to injury with awful chemical smells that any cat, possum, rat, bunny, or squirrel can smell a mile away.

Dad is bruised and we have to watch him in case he clots, but will probably survive. This has in no way encouraged him to let me throw any of his old books and newspapers in the recycle bin.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/30/2016:
I'm glad your dad is ok & yeah....that's what i thought about dogs :) i never grew up with more than a hamster...would be nice to have a companion i'd say...maybe down the road!



happy-1 - Saturday May 28, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 247.2

B - 2 Love egg sandwiches, coke zero

S1 - 2 packets of potato chips, 2 packets of ritz crackers, 1 packet of apple slices

L - coffee with milk, Cooked sliced beef from Costco. Kind of gross, not buying it again.

S2 - orange, brownie packet

D - whole wheat spaghetti with olive oil and parmesan.

S3 -


I'm down another pound!

Awful cramps today. No homework happened. I basically dragged myself out of bed to the couch and watched Hulu all day. Plus my company may be shutting down on Tuesday and I am a ball of anxiety.

Supposed to see my ex for lunch on Monday. All I can think is about that.

I shut off my hulu and netflix subscriptions... just too distracting for me right now. I need to be doing homework, not watching tv.

Bought a bed frame for my bed at my parent's house... super excited about it... It has 13" of underbed storage so I can get all my gear under it and out of the living room, and it is adjustable so you can set it up to be a situp in bed / elevate your feet thing. If my dad likes it I will get two twins for my parents... they need adjustable beds for their health but won't buy one for themselves.

Spent my night cleaning my parent's kitchen and washing all their dishes by hand. We don't have a dishwasher. Before I joined the Children of Hoarders support group I'd have been angry and cursing them the whole time for being grown adults who are too lazy to do anything for themselves. Now I get that it is mental illness and am super grateful that the guy running the medical weightloss program made their continued participtaion conditional on couples counseling... Maybe they can learn to work together late in life.

Progress as of today: 60.8 lbs lost so far, only 67.2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/29/2016:
sorry to hear of the cramps. i also had a very bad go-around this past couple weeks. both leading into my period and period had lots of bloating. bad cramps during period that even lasted after it slightly. sometimes that happens to me after a stressful period of time and stuff. i think that's why.

Excellent idea for storage under the bed, great idea btw. I totally forgot that that is a good storage area! I used to do that at my bed at my parent's as well. i needed the extra room for sure...

actually, i'd say it's ok to watch a movie and not do homework all day :) i will also be doing homework again :) i'll be going into the police academy probably next summer & for 6 months there'll be tons of work!

let us know how lunch turned out with your ex.

and what is the "love egg sandwiches" is that a typo?

happy-1 on 05/29/2016:
Oops, yes a typo. Should be Evol. I think I automatically flip it because of the logo. I can read upside down and reverse without a lot of effort.

http://www.evolfoods.com/our-food/breakfast/breakfast-sandwiches/lean-fit-chicken-apple-sausage-egg-white-cheddar-breakfast-sandwich

I think I had cramps due to all the caffeine I've been drinking and not enough water. I get stressed and drink more caffeine for the headaches and then forget that means I need to drink two glasses of water with it.

The bed looks super cool. I am getting it in a full size, which is two mini benches put together, skinnier than a twin.

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Pragma-Wooden-Slat-Adjustable-Bed-Frame-Head-and-Foot-Multiple-Sizes/26603151

I am going to use it for now with an old pull out mattress from their couch I recently replaced. I am hoping that it is something I can jerryrig for my glamper van to be a bench sofa with a table behind it that converts back to a bed for sleeping, or adjusts for sitting up and working on my laptop on a lap desk.

I saw the perfect van listed on Craigslist today but it is out of my reach this summer... A 1985 Ford Pathfinder E350 4x4 Van - $12500. It is somebody's old camper conversion. So fantastic. I can hopefully buy something like that for next summer.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/cto/5607612698.html

happy-1 on 05/29/2016:
Oh almost forgot... I think it is amazingly cool that you are going into the police academy. Good job!



happy-1 - Friday May 27, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 249.4

B - Vanilla shake, coffee, 4 creamers

S1 - Deli ham, 2 slices cheese, 1/2 a slice of spinach lavash bread, mayo, toasted, fresh baby peppers. vitamin water

L - Deli roast beef, mayo, 1/2 a slice of spinach lavash bread, mayo, toasted,  2 oranges

S2 - 

D - 

S3 - 


Had the hardest time to get to sleep last night. 4amish... Barely pulled it together to get to work. Have to work late to offset time. 

The buzz is we will get paid on Tuesday... But how long the company will be around... Uncertain.

The super WWCOG guy I struck out with on the camping trip says I should check out The Power of Habit, so I am listening to it on Audible. 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Science-Technology/The-Power-of-Habit-Audiobook/B007C64916?gclid=CPegmJGS-8wCFUVsfgodj3YEJA&pcrid=79148494089&mkwid=sVCW6FIix_dc&pmt=e&source_code=GO1GB907ESH060513&pkw=audible+the+power+of+habit

Maybe it will explain why he is still texting me if I am not devout enough to marry!!!!!

Progress as of today: 58.6 lbs lost so far, only 69.4 lbs to go!


happy-1 - Thursday May 26, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 249.4

B - Smoothie + the few extra blips at the bottom of the blender so they wouldn't go to "waste". Terrible mistake. 

S1 - Skipped. Asleep

L - Skipped. Asleep.

S2 - Skipped. Asleep.

D - Breakfast muffin, guacamole packet, water

S3 - water, Farmer boys southwest salad

Extra snack - Svelte vanilla protein shake I sneaked into Farmer boys since they don't have any side options that aren't terrible for you.


Home today. I made smoothies at home this morning for everyone and then stepped out to take my 8am call. While I was out, one of the girls must have thought it was "missing something" and stuck in a bananna. I didn't know came back in and poured myself some of what was left when I went to clean it...  I had a bad allergic reaction. I'm not as bad as when I was a kid and I only had a little bit so I didn't have to use an epi pen but I can't take benadryl or any allergy/cold stuff because of medication interactions. I could only take alka seltzer and just hope for the best. Would have been better if I had thought to eat an orange for the vitamin c. As it was all I could do was sit there and just got so tired I called in sick to work and slept the whole day.

---

Kept my hair appointment tonight and went to Farmer boys after to do homework. She does great cuts but the color always does something funny. Last time it didn't dye the hairline in front so I had roots on the left side of my face... and the protein treatment turned my hair to glue. it stuck together in the back of my head no matter how many times I washed it. It still felt gummy when I went today. This time the hairline was fine but the front part took better than the rest... Not that just stepped out of the salon feeling. For $136+$30 tip... shouldn't I be camera-ready? Her cuts are fantastic though.

Went to Farmer Boys after. Didn't get much homework done but I did get a homework plan together for the weekend. I have two weekends to make miracles happen before my freeze ends on the 5th and I need to make the most of them.

I did check my credit card statements. I am on track for my budget this month. Only over by $40 overall. I think next month I might dye my hair at home. I wish work wasn't so unstable... I am on course... credit score improving, paying down debt... But the company might fold at any minute and I think that's how I eneded up eating that burger last night.

 

Progress as of today: 58.6 lbs lost so far, only 69.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/26/2016:
awww, feel better Happy. sorry to hear about the allergic reaction.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/27/2016:
i notice very few grays still in my hair...and i am nervous for when i'll also be spending the $ to dye my hair! it's such a money waster but something we all have to do....it seems.

happy-1 on 05/27/2016:
Nah. Just do a clear gloss so it looks lush and grey. Maybe some purple shampoo so it is silver.



happy-1 - Wednesday May 25, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 249.4

B - breakfast muffin, coffee, 6 creamers, 1/2 scoop of chai mix, twix bar

S1 - Skipped

L - 1 flat bread, 2 tbsp hummus, 1 slice of cheese, a little ham

S2 - 2 greek yogurt mini muffins

D - Farmer burger, fries diet coke.

S3 - 4 chicken strips


 

Progress as of today: 58.6 lbs lost so far, only 69.4 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/25/2016:
you love creamer??? jaja do you want tips for healthier coffee or prefer to do it your way? i don't want to frustrate you! :) because i like having you here!! :)

happy-1 on 05/25/2016:
Sure. My coffee preference is half and half with salt and cardamon, but I pretty much drink whatever is in front of me.

happy-1 on 05/25/2016:
How do you take yours? Guessing coconut is involved somehow


Horn_of_plenty on 05/26/2016:
i love coconut flavor. i used to drink coconut water and recently ordered coconut protein bars. but no coconut in my coffee, haha...

half and half is very heavy & lots of calories (did you want the tips?). so if you can use 2% milk or even whole milk first, instead of half and half, you will save a TON of calories. I'd switch from half and half to whole milk first, or just switch to 2%. I also do NOT like skim milk, which i do agree is really watered down. I think you mentioned that once before - that you tried coffee with skim milk and it was gross? agreed!

salt and cardamom...cool, never tried. why the salt? interesting! and how'd you get hooked on cardamom!? so different!

you're a cool lady, i can tell i'd get along with you, i think if we worked together! jaja

happy-1 on 05/26/2016:
I don't think I ever thought skim milk was gross. I like the half and half over fake creamer and skim or low fat milk because it is fewer sugar grams and turns off the "munchie" cravings. I try to save my carbs for a snack. Plus the fat in it binds with the caffeine and smooths out the bitterness so I don't add sugar and keeps teeth whiter.

I never ever drink instant or decaf coffee. They add tons of chemicals that will kill your kidneys. As bad or worse than soda.

Salt (just a sprinkle) in coffee grounds when it is brewing counteracts bitterness. You put it in the basket with the grounds. This usually cuts out the need for sugar or fake sweetners.

You can also add some crushed eggshell to your grounds if it is handy to clarify the brew.

If you have cardamom pods you can crack them open and stick them in with the grounds. You can also add some cinnamon bark.

If I want to go fancy, I add some chai tea mix which has those in it already with a ton of other stuff as well. It does have sugar and powdered milk, so when I remember and I am home next I'll just make up some tea masala or pick some up at an Indian grocery. The spices have tons of health benefits and turn off hunger. If you were making a proper chai, you'd have the spices in the pot brewing with the tea and then heat the milk on top in a double boil kettle... a bit too fancy for the office and I like it better mixed with coffee anyway.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/26/2016:
also, do you want diet tips based on your foods you list? or do you prefer not? do you want my advice or do you prefer for me to wait till you tell me or ask me?

happy-1 on 05/26/2016:
LOL. Um... I know I eat the wrong things. I am not trying to push hard on that. More on why I eat them. I could have had a cobb salad instead of a burger last night. I had stevia lemonade and protein shakes and a whole cooler of healthy food in the car and could have had that instead of diet soda and chicken strips.

I have been yo-yoing all my life... It started in jr high when I thought I was hideous and enormous and too ugly for anyone to look at (It breaks my heart to look at my photos from then... I thought I was a monster but I was a beautiful, tall, tan, California blonde with flawless skin and big grey eyes). We got a Costco membership and moved to a bad neighborhood and I stopped walking to and from school and I ballooned. I was skinny in college when I had to bike everywhere and had no money for food and lots of friends and beach trips and I have photos of myself from those times and I see this gorgeous leggy girl and I wonder how it was that she could never get a date or anyone interested... so it had to be what's in my head. What's in your head doesn't change unless you work on that... so that's my war to be healthy. Not what I am eating... What is eating me.

My storage unit is chock full of sports and fitness equipment that I have purchased and maybe used twice. My healthy weight for my height is 180. I know how to make super healthy high-protein meals, whether they are meat-based or vegan... never eat an extra calorie or fat gram and really watch it like a hawk. I know how to weigh myself every day and wear a fit bit and hack my body's bio patterns with scientific precision until I get exactly the result I want out of my "rubber bag" (https://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/e4/rubberbag.html). I have done countless gyms, personal trainers, fitness camps, and programs all desperately in search of better health so I can avoid the future my parents are living... where they didn't take care of their bodies and are trapped in these miserable vessels and fighting with each other all the time. They made and continue to make choices everyday that create that situation. Every day above ground is an opportunity to have a positive outlook and make better choices.

In the past, I would make a push to get super healthy and then something would happen (a guy, job, fight with a friend) and I would fall off the wagon and then gain it back with a few extra pounds to boot till I ballooned up to 308. Something would happen and I'd fall into a pit of feeling like the monster and just stop taking care of this horrible troll that nobody loves and kick it while it was down. It is a terrible way to be, terrible to be around, and not a path to a great future.

I am trying to be conscious of what I eat and my general life decisions including how I manage my resources (time, money, relationships, etc.). I feel like up to this point I have been a black hole of consumption just eating everything up around me literally and figuratively till nothing is left and everyone around me is burned out. I am trying to be more mindful about everything... and it seems like when I am more mindful and make a better decision, I am rewarded with weight loss. Like I decided not to go to my ex's at night this past weekend and magically off came 12 ounces. Almost a full pound. Or I decided to not flake out on volunteering for foster care mentoring and stuck by going camping with H and lost 4 and 2 ounces respectively. Or I decided not to buy another gym membership and decided to stock up on camping equipment and try to go camping regularly so that I am outdoors more, less stressed and more mentally healthy overall and maybe see the pretty girl from jr high and college again who was lean, tan and happy.

So maybe asking me what was eating me when I ate something that I shouldn't be eating would be more helpful? What can I do to help you in turn?



happy-1 - Tuesday May 24, 2016
(Planned meal plan with only 3 meals out a week)
Weight: 249.4

B - 3 breakfasts today. Crazy hungry this morning. 1. 3 eggs, 3 turkey sausages. 2. An oatmega bar and an energy drink. 3. A $9!!!!!! cup of hot breakfast from Whole Paycheck breakfast bar, coffee and half and half.

S1 - Skipped

L - Part of fries and a large chilli and a diet coke at Wendy's. I couldn't choke it down when I got his email.

S2 - Packed lunch - beef/sweet potato/green beans, water, part of a donut.

D - Whole bag of spinach salad from costco. Was super hungry.

S3 - 2am snack - breakfast sandwich


 BROKE MY PLATEAU TODAY!!!!! Lost 12 ounces. That was my reward for not going over to my ex's any of the times he has booty called me or planned a date and swapped it for "let's just hang out on my boat" or "let's go for a picnic down by the homeless encampment then go back to my boat."  I haven't heard from him since I told him how angry the booty calls make me because they make me feel like he doesn't value me and he should do something to show appreciation for the woman who  <rant> a laundry list I will not bore you with and just makes me look like an idiot </rant> . Post accident, my fuse is short.

---

Aaaand he dumped me. Ouch. Final heartbreak.  I guess asking him to show he values me by going kayaking or to see a movie, some kind of bonding activity counts as "really set me off" and we won't ever see eye to eye.

Progress as of today: 58.6 lbs lost so far, only 69.4 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 05/24/2016:
He sounds like a Jerk.

happy-1 on 05/24/2016:
I figured it was PTSD because he wasn't like that before he left for Afghanistan, but you and everyone else I know might be right. Need a rebound stat :P. 2 years of loyalty got me nowhere.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/25/2016:
awww, i am so sorry Happy. Men can be very difficult, way more than women, especially with commitment. I am really sorry how difficult it's been with him and i completely understand what you must be going through...

i would have probably had a rant too if i felt your way..

i did rant a little on my sorta-man for not going along with my request to finally hang out on the weekend (after texting THREE years!). he was my physical therapist for around 2 yrs of texting, so, i give him that.

happy-1 on 05/26/2016:
He must be something special for you to be willing to play the long game like that! What's the appeal?



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