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happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 29, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

Turning in the training funding application today.. I am so nervous about it and had such a hard time putting it together. Part of me assumes I am going to get turned down and another part of me slaps that part and says don't be stupid. Being afraid you will get turned down doesn't mean not doing it at all so you aren't disappointed is the right thing either. Suck it up cupcake and just show up and see what happens.

So I am at the workforce center waiting for my appointment.

29 days into 60 day challenge. With this next half I want to build on my regular 7-8 hours of sleep and elimination of simple carbs.

Missed my workout today though. I really need to move to a closer gym.

Breakfast: matcha, overnight oats

Lunch: black beans, cheese, enchilada sauce, kale, sweet potato chips.

Snack: cheese stick, 2 hardboiled eggs, carrot sticks, hummus

Snack: paleo brownie, 4 tbsp frozen yogurt

Dinner: porkchop in mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes, kale

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/29/2017:
Yup...think positive you never know.

horn_of_plenty on 08/30/2017:
Yes, i agree that you should think positively about the application! Just like the lotto - "you gotta be in it to win it!"....

Wow so already you are halfway into the challenge! amazing!

Yes, i like to have a gym as close as humanly possible....that's def most convenient especially if it's bad weather, my gym i can only go via local roads which is good during storms not to have to be on a highway....

with gyms, they are best when they are able to add convenience into our lives rather than too many obstacles and/or frustrating challenges!

happy-1 - Monday Aug 28, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

Still PMS. Still a little crazy/cranky. Worried I'll have it while I'm supposed to be snorkeling Catalina and a shark will eat me if I go in the water. Aaaaargh!

Ate two slices of pizza today, but tomorrow is another day and the giant living room pile is No More! It is conquered. Sorted! Boxed! Dejunked!

Next step is to figure out what to do with it all and clean the carpets. I should probably buy a carpet cleaner so I can do it in small patches, but balk at spending $200 when I am unemployed and it isn't something I should buy used.

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/29/2017:
yeah...for conquering the pile of stuff!

happy-1 on 08/29/2017:
Yeah... still need to figure out what to do with it all. Not a normal looking living room dining area by any means, but one step at a time, one box at a time.

horn_of_plenty on 08/29/2017:
Lately no PMS but bad pimples. I think was was stressing when a friend came to NYC and i was planning with her and the pimples showed up directly when she went back home to France!

Lately instead of PMS, i'm just EXTREMELY TIRED and been craving sleep. So just taking it as easy as possible at work.

bearcountrygg on 08/29/2017:
Hysterectomy at 48...I had forgotten about PMS

happy-1 on 08/29/2017:
Hugs! Hope you feel better now.

bearcountrygg on 08/29/2017:
Oh yeah...I had fibroids and really bad endomettiosis and ovarian cysts..the hysterectomy solved all of that...instant menopause...LOL

happy-1 - Thursday Aug 24, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

Didn't get everything done today but I didn't yesterday either so I might as well just call it a night and go to bed on time. I ate a lot of junk tonight in a hormonal meltdown... an ice cream sandwich, personal pepperoni pizza, and a chocolate chip cookie. Going to bed early is my best first step to getting back on track.

Heard from Scott today. He has new apple earphones and wanted to rub it in. I should have responded with the finger.

Sent me into a Tinder fidget widget storm. Realized it was unproductive and deleted my profile again.

Ugh. Where is the decent dude I can connect with?

Hugs kiddos. If you need to hug yourself, that's cool too.

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/26/2017:
Hormones are truly a cross to bear. They make life difficult, but without them, life is difficult.

happy-1 on 08/28/2017:
Hugs, no kidding.

bearcountrygg on 08/26/2017:
UGH...He doesn't sound like he is good for you.

happy-1 on 08/28/2017:
Lol. I told him not to call me for a week today... that I am too PMS and he may lose a testicle.

horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2017:
I don't see a lot of decent dudes anywhere!

HUGS back to you!

happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 23, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

Feeling a bit better this morning. Delayed my camping trip by a day. Decided to stick around at home and try to work here today so I don't have to reset and recover at the coworking space. Also put my membership on pause there. There is going to be a remodel and I don't want to be there while that's going on. I have bad asthma.

Breakfast: Mixed nuts, matcha

12: Sat down to work. Started with cleaning out inbox while the Design on a Dime episodes play in background for pleasant happy sounds.

1:20 - Hungry and parents finally left. Faced the enormity of trying to deal with the mess I created there. Washed down counters, swept floor, matched up tupperware for packing cooler, dug sweet potatoes that are cooked out of fridge, ordered replacement parts for slow cooker I destroyed, then ate some food... an hour later.

2:30 - Starting work again. Looking for jobs on angel list to apply to. Realized my linked in profile and resume still say I work at my last job presently... 3 months later. *facepalm*

Digging through the gigs... Super complicated stuff that makes me want to run to a dev bootcamp so I can have a job where I get to hide a lot. *sigh*

While I tried to find 12 jobs I am qualified to apply for... I did things like:

  • make dinner (chicken sausage and peppers in red sauce over shiritaki noodles) for my parents
  • dump out and sort the last remaing junk in the living room pile from hell...  into 1 bucket of toiletries, 2  buckets of hardware... for further sorting. So close to nailing it down and killing it forever I can taste it. 
  • get into a huge squabble with my mom. I destroyed her crockpot by melting the lid to my cooler dry boxes on it and killing it forever (aaack) so I called the manufacturer and ordered replacement parts. She got it on special for $15, the replacement parts with shipping were $25, a new one was $35 plus tax... I thought it was cheaper than ordering pizza and healthier so I did it. My mom flipped her lid when I said I paid $25 for the parts... Full on "What's wrong with your head? I'm worried about you! You're broke!" (I am not broke just being mindful of my budget and it looks like I am broke to her because I am not spending unlimited amounts on groceries or every little thing they want done). I eventually yelled back that she wasn't helping, and that if she really was worried about me she should stop interrupting me and let me go back to applying for jobs and stop wasting my time over a $15 crockpot. I cannot be without a working crockpot and mine is a piece of junk that I can't use a timer with
  • eat dinner
  • bring in stuff from the car and all the water bottles they bought, dropped all over the porch and left there
  • make a run to the store for water and ice for the camping trip
  • talk to UDG about tomorrow and discovered that he is behind on filing his taxes... and just pays whatever they are whenever he renews his license. I was horrified... felt blackness just coming in around the edges of my vision
  • somehow though that removed whatever my block was and I then filled out all my applications

1AM - Done with applying for 12 jobs and submitting my UI claim form like a responsible adult.

Did nighttime routine of washing dishes before bed and putting on a load of laundry. I must have used every dish in the house today making spaghetti sauce. Augh. Took 3rd shower.

2:43 am in bed w/ benadryl

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/23/2017:
Yeah, better off going to Starbucks for that time instead of coworking space for now...until the place is renovated! Good luck with your work and safe upcoming travels!!!!!!!!!!!

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
Corner Bakery has actual food and better ambiance.

bearcountrygg on 08/23/2017:
I have asthma too..it's miserable.

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
Hugs. I feel you. Have you tried Breatheasy tea from Sprouts? It helps me in the winter when there's lots of mold and pollen.

bearcountrygg on 08/24/2017:
Never heard of it...thanks for the heads up////I'll try it!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/24/2017:
No, never tried those chips in coconut oil...i think they might be a tad to "delicious" for me (meaning: not low cal at all!) but they sound natural and healthy! yes...

nice on the shirataki noodles! i didn't know you ate them! I used to, but, due to the fact that they are indigestible, i do not buy them anymore because they'd bloat me causing terrible gas and would take like 2 days for me to poop them out!

i love those shirataki noodles, but because i'm always working and at gym they caused to much problems. I may eat them a couple times in the late fall, maybe, if i get a day to myself!

i really MUST learn to use a crockpot. I'd have endless healthy dinners that are homemade. I'll learn to use one in late fall!!!!!!!! i'll be home more often on weekends and in December too.

Before NYPD academy i need to learn the crockpot so i can eat better AND MAKE food for the week each week while i study on the weekends at home! YES...i should use a crockpot on weekends in the winter so i can cook while i study!

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
I use it in the summer too for baking sweet potatoes, rotisserie chicken, ribs, pulled pork, corn on the cob. If you are going to do an investment, buy one with a stainless steel insert so you can brown on the stove and then slow cook.

innerpeace on 08/24/2017:
As always, I feel myself needing to almost hyperventilate after reading your entries.

I do not know how you handle everything, but kudos for doing it.

Have fun camping and stay safe.

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
Ooops. Sorry. Didn't mean to impact you that way. I struggle with time management which impacts my diet, exercise, and sleep. I try to track my time and stress and figure out my triggers for skipping basic stuff and not losing weight. I read your entries and feel like you have the harder time and always want to send hugs.

happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 23, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

Went through the application work today and discovered that it is a lot more work than I thought. Very upsetting. It is also getting hard to find roles I qualify for. When did everything I do suddenly require an engineering degree or an MBA? I wish I had done something less technical as a career. Very dismal. Ate a slice of pizza and then a personal frozen pizza and some Taro chips.

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/23/2017:
YOU WILL BE OK!!!!!!!!!!!

Love those taro chips!

LOL, what a weird mix of fresh pizza and then a frozen pizza....! i am SURE the fresh was better!?

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
I finally finished the giant bag from Costco. Never eating them again. Have you tried Justin's sweet potato chips fried in coconut oil? I bought two bags for my camping trip and will tell you how they were.

bearcountrygg on 08/23/2017:
Maybe find an entry level position and work your way up?

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
I wouldn't mind that if it was a digital agency and gave me that on my resume. The issue is that the senior people are all dudes in their 20s who don't want to train a 40yo fat chick with issues, lol.

bearcountrygg on 08/23/2017:
From my past experience, proving yourself to a company is of the most importance. Arriving on time, getting work done in a timely fashion, showing dedication to the company and it's smooth operation. Proving yourself to be valuable to them is what gets and keeps jobs. A degree may get a person in the door but a good work ethic keeps them there. Personally I have never been fired...but I have left jobs myself to move on to something else. I have had calls to please come back and work for companies I have worked for before even if on a limited basis. That means a lot to me and I have returned to help them out temporarily. Degrees are nice ( I only have an associates)...but my belief is that a good work ethic is even more important.

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
Yeah on the daily production side. On the project side it is different because all that lovely work effort puts you out of a job.

Apparently my work ethic is why I survived so many layoff rounds at my last job.

Hugs. You sound like a good soul.

bearcountrygg on 08/24/2017:
What type of work are you looking for?

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
Digital product management for Roku, web, and mobile apps. If I have to go back to school though I'm retraining for something where I get to stand and walk or talk to people.

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 22, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

11 am -  I woke up late which screws with the adhd meds and had to sit around for an hour and a half waiting for them to kick in.

12 - Showered

1 - Despite having everything in place to simply slide out the door in the morning and be super productive, I did not leave house till 1. Grabbed cooler.

2 - Sat at coworking space trying to get my head around tasks for the day and intermittently eating out of the coler.

Have to get the unemployment form filled out, application for certification done, and fix my bills today, desperately, and all I can think about is the perfect camping menu. There is definitely an app in this. I don't see anything that really helps. Booo.

The problem is that when you prep fod for camping, you do it in stages:

A month ahead:

  • Menu planning
  • Print maps

A week ahead, shopping for:

  • Dry mix ingredients
  • Dry goods foods
  • Anything you are going to freeze to add cold to the cooler (meats, drinks)
  • Fuel for anything you are going to cook
  • Any produce or meat you will dehydrate
  • Anything you are canning/preserving yourself
  • Any preservation items you are taking for the trail to presere on the go.

A week ahead, prep steps:

  • Dry mixes (if you aren't using boxed stuff which is pricey and bad for you)
  • Dry goods packup
  • Fuel packup

2 days ahead, food shopping:

  • Produce 
  • Meat
  • Dairy
  • Firewood

2 days ahead prep: 

  • Freeze drinks for cooler
  • Pack dry box
  • Pack cookig equipment
  • Pack picnic supplies (I try for zero waste, but parchment paper really helps)
  • Charge devices

1 day ahead prep:

  • Pre-wash and chop veggies
  • Repack meats for the cooler
  • Repack condiments for the cooler
  • Meal prep "packed lunches"
  • Gas / Spare gas

Day of:

  • Pack coolers
  • Load car
  • Buy drinking ice

There's Plan to Eat, Moonlight, Trail Chef... but none of them let you add phases and assign a day or break up a shopping list by trip... or print separate prep steps by phase.

There's an app in this, I tell you.

6pm: Actually starting UI form. Applying to roles in Austin, TX a place I have always wanted to check out. A contract there would be fun. Was actually recruited for one a couple of weeks ago and botched it like an idiot because I wasn't emotionally ready. UDG has really helped me put my head back together and feel good. Scott not wanting a relationship with me really hurt. ****tard.


Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/23/2017:
Do you camp in a tent? Do you hike to the campsite?

happy-1 on 08/24/2017:
Both. This time it is car camping. Still haven't left yet.

happy-1 - Monday Aug 21, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

High anxiety day. Massive PMS.

Application is due tomorrow for the class.

If I had a way, I would design a "Life Lessons" app. That way when someone asks me to dog sit and they don't have internet, and load their kitchen with pizza and junk food, it would pop up a reminder how much it sucks to be there.

It was a test of willpower but I did not eat anything.

I wish there were decent quality wide calf boots for women in size 12. These stop at size 11 :-(


Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/21/2017:
Good job with the willpower......I'm going to go look at those boots!

happy-1 on 08/21/2017:
Yeah... the problem with all plus size stuff is the quality is really bad. The shoes aren't made to last. It's like "well you're fat because you don't move so you won't wear anything out"

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/22/2017:
Good job not eating the junk food…did you bring your own food? That’s how I’d do it to get thru – I’d bring my own things to eat so that I wouldn’t be hungry..or I’d at least bring seltzer with stevia. !!!

Also, good luck with your application – you’ll pull thru. Lastly, when PMS is over, your anxiety will also lessen. I also get anxiety with PMS / period. Bye!

happy-1 - Saturday Aug 19, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

243... yikes. Still trucking on the challenge. I got behind logging my calories and I think that's how I gained. That, and all the fries and other cheats I ate.

Cancelled on a bunch of fun stuff this weekend because I am dog sitting again tomorrow. I forgot about how much work it is to go up there and how long a drive it is. I am working on my livingroom pile and making good progress. I have to go to the store tonight and get another duffle bag and repack my car... but after today I think it will be tamed. This is an awesome achievement because every day I have been waking up, looking at it and feeling defeated.

UDG hadn't done any of the tasks in the challenge so I was giving up on hik, which made him man up and start doing tasks. Yay! I do wonder what happens when I am not new and exciting anymore.

I think I deserve Yogurtland tonight.

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/20/2017:
Yogurt is always good! One thing about guys....its better not to chase them...if they chase you..then they are already motivated. You deserve someone who loves you just for you...don't forget...you are worth it.

happy-1 on 08/21/2017:
Not chasing him. He's chasing me... but his health habits are terrible and he says he wants to lose weight... but not with his habits. He does have a gym membership but time management man... kills you every time. That's what the challenge is about so I invited him to the challenge. He joined but didn't do the tasks so I was going to give up on him but he started doing the tasks.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/21/2017:
I agree with BCGG.

There's a man i love so much, he doesn't chase me, so oh man it can't work! darn it!

Yep, fries will cause weight gain if eaten in abundance! haha.

I've never heard of Yogurtland, it must be frozen yogurt with all the toppings. yummy. Don't go too heavy on the toppings...! I usually just get a hair of coconut or chocolate shavings. but mostly eat the yogurt. and sometimes a little bit of fruit on it.

happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 16, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

#winning today. Got up on time, ate my meal prepped breakfast, skipped washing my hair, and made it to my appointment at the training center on time. Making progress on funding certification.  Next I picked up new friend K, a super cool market researcher, who lives 20 min south of me so we could work on our stuff at Panera and use my gift card for lunch. She's a sweetheart and kind of brilliant. I am working on my case study.

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/16/2017:
GREAT STUFF....you sound productive and...HAPPY!

Take care for now and i hope you got some work done and had good eats at Panera! :-P

Donkey on 08/16/2017:
Thank you for the content on my diary! Means a lot to me ♡

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 15, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

Waiting for UGD to get off work... Actually sticking around till 11pm to catch him when he gets off. I made him a couple of days of meals to get him jumpstarted. I will probably never see my cooler, ice packs or tupperware again... but I'm just so happy someone finally wanted to do something with me it is worth it.

Really need to find a way to get my morning routine nailed down so I can just wake up in the morning and leave the house. My brain just kind of fritzes out and it takes me as much as 4 hours to get it together. Then I miss my workout opportunity. Partially it is that I get distracted by my dad's constant complaints and my dog doing stuff to get attention. It's also that I shower then I need to dry off a little and I get distracted. I can't function without a shower. I kind of think if my gym were closer it would be easier to get to and I could shower there after a workout.


Anyone do anything to streamline their morning routines?

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/16/2017:
Hello Happy Lady!

Lol UGD Must stand for Ugly Guy Dating, right!? Or something to that effect as you mentioned it last time. Haha…Wow you are actually sticking around till 11pm huh…impressive. He must be a worthwhile catch…or in your mind at least a worthwhile catch! Ahhh, I see why you find it worth it…yes, how nice to find someone to do something with you…how hard it is to find that in someone.

….Tell me about it! In total, I have found and met ONE MAN that has really, REALLY wanted to join me for so many things but I cannot keep up with him! I actually will have to limit what I suggest to this guy bc when I need a break last minute or I’m late, he gets angry and RIGHTFULLY so…he tempts me to want to do more, but I have to learn not to over plan when I’d rather just relax. He has more energy than me….and he’s already 57. I’m 34. A bit nutz if you ask me!

FOUR HOURS to get ready!? This only happens to me on the weekend as during the week I have my start time, 8am, which lately I need to leave my apt earlier for because I’m beginning to show up a couple minutes late which isn’t good…because no job (especially when I become NYPD!) is going to accept lateness. So I’ll be leaving earlier no matter how tired I feel and how slowly I choose to get ready…lately I think my hamster is slowing me down bc I choose to take him out in mornings as lately he’s still sleeping at night when I’m going to bed, LOL…so I’ll have to get up earlier as to not always be rushing last minute. I just have to plan better….so I guess I’m just as bad as you if I’m being slowed down by a freaking rodent! LOL.

YES! OMG! I can’t function without a shower either! This is my weekend problem. Until a shower, I have the excuse to not leave the house and be lazy. I think you helped me solve me problem, for sure! I will have to learn to get up and take a shower RIGHT AWAY and stop saving my shower till right before I leave on weekends. I’m seriously going to try this thing out…of showering right away even on weekend mornings. It’ll solve HALF my laziness problem bc then if my friend wants to hang out, I can, and I’ll NOT BE LATE bc it’s always my late shower that gets me late on the weekends! Yay, thanks for your help, HAPPY.

So, to streamline my weekend mornnigs (and I already do this on Weekday mornings), I shower FIRST before everything…before breakfast as well.

happy-1 on 08/17/2017:
It should probably be UDG - Ugly Dating Guy... Now that you point it out. It's not so much that he's a catch... I don't think a 50yo ptsd vet who is 160+ lbs overweight, in ****ty health, works part time, and lives with family (even if he's paying rent) is on anyone's list... But it's just so nice to get the attention and have someone to talk to. I'm not on anyone's catch list either and it's just nice to feel wanted and do something that I like to do for a change. I'm hoping some physical chemistry will happen as I get to know him. Who knows where it ends up? Just being open.

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