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happy-1 - Sunday Jul 29, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Ate a lot of junk food today and yesterday... laid around like a lazy loaf. Sloth and gluttony. So much to do but I always fall apart if I sleep late and I somehow slept 11 hours.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/30/2018:
Hope today works out better.

happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Hugs! Ty

horn_of_plenty on 07/30/2018:
maybe you were busy leading up to today...rest is important.

happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Likely too much Sangria... Have discovered the best recipe for instant sangria using $3 chardonnay... 2-3 bottles of chardonnay, lemon juice, lime juice, gala apples, ginger ale. No overnight marinating needed but an hour standing does improve it.

happy-1 - Saturday Jul 28, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Replanning and refocusing... I took my dad to Ralphs and I feel like I got hit by a truck. Plus it took so long.. 3 hours. There's something awful about that store... from the handheld scanners to the too many options for the same basic items... to all the noise and the weird absence of any smells other than industrial cleanser... it's more like a casino than a food store. I actually didn't buy anything because it was too overwhelming.

Still have to buy food this week, ugh.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/28/2018:
No Ralphs in Michigan...is it a grocery store?

happy-1 on 07/31/2018:
Yeah. Kroger chain.. They have a billion choices for everything. Too much choice!

Donkey on 07/29/2018:
We don't have a Ralph's either, but I see on their website that they're owned by Kroger's which I am somewhat familiar with. (No Kroger's in this area, but I've heard of them, LOL.)

Some stores work for some, others not so much. My husband and I have similar conflicts/feelings about Sentry, Meijer, Woodman's (local)... And shopping with Dad in itself, I'm sure, has its own challenges.

I hope today was better!

horn_of_plenty on 07/30/2018:
We only have Ralph's Italian Ices! in every flavor man could ever think of! Maybe like 50-100 choices.

happy-1 - Friday Jul 27, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Have ruined one pound loss with brownies and too much frozen yogurt. Partially due to hunger, partially due to sadness because Molly doesn't want to hang out this weekend to go to her aunt's pool party and maybe do some other stuff. Kind of bummed because it would have been good to do a girl's night out, but also because I think she thinks I'd be a drag. Oh well. Friends grow apart... and my ex invited me down to SD for a visit. Better than sitting here mooning over Molly thinking I'm a drag.

Had first doggie brewery social yesterday. One lady showed. One guy at the brewery said he'd be interested in socializing his new rescue dog. I'm thinking thursday night pack walk and brewery after is a better plan than just sitting at a brewery.

OT today and I haven't done the assignment. Gotta get crunching on that... and maybe redye my hair. I tried a new shade to match my roots but think it lurned out too orange. I have a bottle a shade to the darker side that might look less fake to dye over it. I can't tell. It looked ok at HM last night... although my clothes didn't. I was wearing XL top and a 1x bottom and they were super baggy and shapeless. Not cute at all. A size 14 dress and a medium tank looked just fine though. So frustrating! At least I picked up the blue beach coverup and a wide brim straw hat. I need to try everything on that I packed for the weekend... I can't take for granted that the stuff I packed will actually fit me. I should also take measurements again... I might have lost inches and need a new bra. I wish I could lose the fat in my under eyebags!!!


Scratch going down to SD to see my ex. WTF was I thinking? I have a ton of car maintenance to do and a trip to SD to see a dude who didn't send me a Valentine's day card until MARCH is def not on my priority list.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/28/2018:
Now to be fair to yourself, you don't KNOW that Molly thinks you're a drag. Maybe she just wants to hang out with family this weekend?

The doggie social sounds hopeful, with a little more time, it could develop into a solid group, perhaps.

Try hemorrhoid cream for under-eye bags. Yep.

And I think your decision not to see the Ex was the right one to make.

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
No... It's that I'm a drag... It's just that we have known each other 22+ years now and have different interests. And to be fair when I want to go do things I want to do and have brought her along, she takes all the fun out of everything. When we were both 150+lbs overweight we had more in common... food, drinks, trips... but I made a bunch of changes to lose weight so there isn't much we have in common anymore... And going out to eat is harder... She isn't at risk for diabetes, so she still eats a lot of simple carbs, alcohol, salt, fat, and food in restaurants. I literally can't do that anymore. So it's just boring. The things I have replaced it with... hiking, doggie socials, events off Meetup, yoga, church... she really hates. Nothing that gets her dirty or messes up her hair/nails, and isn't in AC. What can I say? She's spa/jacuzzi/martini. I'm sand/hot spring/tea.

Yeah, I'm sad to spend the weekend alone... but I would have resented putting myself out to just sit in his apartment and eat food out somewhere as the big plan. I sent him a link to a $67 hotel on Hotwire if he wants to drive up to see me. It feels mean, but I can't put him up here and I'm not feeling like springing for a hotel and inviting him after not getting a Valentine's Day card till March.

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
And that's what I am hoping with the doggie social! I just found a brewery even closer to me that is next to a park... so I created a second repeating event for every 2nd Thursday there. Meet in front of the brewery at 6pm and go for an hour walk, then return to the brewery and stick around for a beer. If nothing else I will get my dog out more often. She's such a good dog and gets the short end of the stick all the time without complaining.

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
I use hemorrhoid cream but sparingly... photos and special events. it can thin the skin and make them worse over time.

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
Also thank you for validating that I made the right choice by not going down there. That it was even an option for my weekend was not something I wanted to tell anyone because they all think he's weird. One of my friends thinks he's gay and doesn't want to admit it to himself.

horn_of_plenty on 07/30/2018:
I AGREE that a walk involved before the brewery is better for all the people and their dogs :)

happy-1 on 07/31/2018:
Yeah... I'll see how this first one goes and maybe switch the one at the end of the month to meet there too.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 25, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Dad helped me remember to take my sleep meds at 8pm last night and I was up on time at 5 this morning!!!! YAY ME! 

ALSO>>> Weight loss! About a lb. 221.4... At this rate nothing will fit me and I'll have to go running around nekked. At least my dog's fur won't stick.

I may have lost my mind last night, but I ordered a little too much off H and M. I think they updated their site inventory afeter I made my purchase because things I had favorited that weren't in my size when I made my first purchase were suddenly available... AUGH. I ended up with a second order of things I liked better, so I am probably stuck actually going in to make a return. at least returns are free. It will just suck for a couple of weeks.

Anyway, after careful analysis, I think what I needed to add was an oversize blouse/dress that can be a coverup for the beach (with cotton and some softness for sunburn), tucked into pants as a shirt, or worn over leggings as a top. Also, wide cut jersey pants and a couple of tops to tie other items together. I also need a hat, but I want better quality than what is available at H and M. I had a couple of other items too, but they are extras/nice to haves and may go back to the store. I will be on the lookout for a two-piece dress with at least some cap sleeves in a nice print... I can definitely see how that would cut down on the number of pieces I need to stick in a bag for travel. I am 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other on the pants. I think some Columbia trail pants in black would be more practical but my hope is that these are thin enough to be pajama pants but stil double as a spare pair of pants when traveling. I also bought a pair of bboots on Nordstrom Rack because I think they may be a good quality brand and it will be impossible to find a pair of waterproof black boots after August in size 13 (thanks Norwegian ancestors for my GIANT FEET)... I will take them to my shoe repair guy before I wear them and ask him if they are well-made enough to be worth repairing. I am done with shoes that are to cheap to repair. That's no way to prepare for a zombie apocalypse!

Patterned Dress Wide-cut Jersey PantsLinen TopFlounce-sleeved TopLinen Jersey Tank Top

(and I had no idea I could just paste in images to DD!!!!! I thought I'd have to post them somewhere then link them over... Doh!)

Goal for today is to 1) get my dog more CBD treats, 2) apply to 5 jobs, 3) send the meetup announcement for happy hour on Thursday to get into people's inboxes after they check email and be at the top for lunch, 4) go to H and M and see if I can find the blue dress now because it would definitely make it easier to pack for Molly's this weekend. My ex in SD wants me to come down saturday night... I am 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other about that too. It would be nice to get away but A) sent a valentines day card in march and I don't feel special, B) he's een working overnights and I just got back onto my sleep pattern today.


Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/25/2018:
I love every item you picked out!!!!!

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
TY! I did it very carefully and logically, LOL. I might post my outfit plans and acquisitions as I go :-) Motivation.

BearCountryGG on 07/25/2018:
And congrats on the loss

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
TY! Congrats on your loss too! Putting away the scale was brave. I kind of find it reassuring when my weight fluctuates in a normal range.

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2018:
yes, the items are very stylish great pics and H&M is great prices. we have a store by us maybe only in NY and i forgot the name right now...i'll let you know, even better prices than H&M..

care about you first rather than adjust your life for him.

happy-1 on 07/28/2018:
I'd love the name of that store!!!

Thank you... I like that. "Care about you first rather than adjust your life for him."

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2018:
oh, you can always return an item if you want to save some $ !!! :)

happy-1 on 07/25/2018:
Yeah... although the money is the only thing keeping me from ordering chinese delivery right now, lol. All I can think about is a huge plate of orange chicken, chow mein, and fried rice... but I'm out of splurge money... so I won't order, get skinnier and then these won't fit either.

happy-1 - Tuesday Jul 24, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

This week my OT instructions are to get out of the house for 2 hours no matter what every day and be in bed by 9. I'll try my best. 11 or so last night? Just spaced and forgot to go to bed.

This is mostly possible because I discovered that there is a diner by me I can easily get to with AC and wifi... and NO SCREAMING CHILDREN! An improbable oasis. My big success yesterday was getting to sit down and relax, go through my mail and papers and make a to do list. Today I managed to sit down and reach the goal of applying to 5 jobs and it only took an hour. A veggie scramble with fruit and water seems like the least calorie-and death-laden choice and with tax and tip is about $11. Except I am hungry about 10 min after. 

Lots of healthy eating last 2 days. Moving back to a normal sleep pattern. 

Still burning time on weird "figure it out" projects... ADHD ratholes that used to boost my math and tech skills going to life stuff... instead of job hunting.
Monday's Rathole... While I waited for prescriptions at Costco, I wrote down all the prices and weights for the stuff I normally buy... like chicken, produce, almonds, etc. so I can know if the sales at different grocery stores are actually worth it. Like Food4less had a deal on boneless skinless chicken thighs for $1.99, but it turns out Costco has them frozen for the same price... and since I'd stick them in the freezer anyway... no point. It's basically a "price book" exercise. Save me running around like crazy at least. At some point I need to make a database to do weight by lb, oz, and g so I can do an easy reference when I go through sales and see if it beats the normal Costco price and if it's worth the time and money to go and buy it in smaller quantity.
Today's rathole... H and M looking at clothes. I saw a couple of things on there that would be interview appropriate and grabbed them... Weather is so hot my two interview outfits are a no go. Sweat just starts pouring off me as soon as I put them on. I have lost so much weight I really don't know what fits and is worth taking in. I feel like getting dressed just to leave the house and look normal is a struggle. As I looked at the site if I saw something I know I have (or similar) that currently fits, I grabbed the image and put it in an artboard... Like a way to visualize/inventory what I have and figure out why even though I have clothes I can't put together an outfit to save my life.  Eventually I can make virtual outfits, lol.
Back to it.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/24/2018:
I like Monday's Rathole (LOL). I'm no good at dressing myself. I think I have too many sensory issues to dress well. Plus it doesn't help that I'm short with wide hips, and bad knees and feet (can't wear heels).

happy-1 on 07/24/2018:
LOL! I feel you on the sensory issues. That's why I love H and M now that I fit their clothes. Nothing there seems to "bug" me and their website is super simple. I can't dress myself either. When I get to my goal weight I'll do Stitchfix... Maybe. I think if I buy a red tank, a black cap sleeve shirt, and a white linen t-shirt all my oddball items work.

BearCountryGG on 07/25/2018:
You aren't the only ones that can't dress yourselves...my penchant for solid colors only and simple plain styles....is boring to the max....if and when I do put on something with a pattern or print...D notices ..and so did my Mother.....then I go right back to my plain solids where I am comfortable....best job I ever had was where I wore scrubs......clicked all of the boxes for me.

happy-1 on 07/25/2018:
Yeah but the real issue is I can't pack in one bag to go anywhere or do anything. UGH.

happy-1 - Saturday Jul 21, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Had my third OT appointment yesterday. She went over my time tracking notes and helped me identify why my sleep meds stopped working this past week and gave me new guidelines for getting to bed... basically moved everything up half an hour and no journaling or anything visually stimulating when I go to bed. This is going to be really, really hard for me to do. I have a really active brain at night... and I am trying to get to bed by 9 so I can be asleep by 10 and up at 5 and try to beat the heat and my parent's schedules to pull it together. She also adjusted my car seat for me to take the pressure off my neck and I felt the little bones pop apart in release. The feeling in my fingers is coming back and I didn' ven realize how much sensation I had lost.

Last night my friend from church asked me how my parents are doing I said better... my mom lost 14lbs because I have been making dinner every night by 7 and putting leftovers up in single servings so she has better blood sugar control. She said oh well walking helps too and I said... no they can't walk. I guess she didn't realize that my parents are THAT big. She said no wonder you are so petrified... I said Iam? She said yeah... you're always saying you just need to pull it together... but you hide it well. If you didn't tell me stuff was going on I would never have guessed you had anything going.

Food for thought.

Taking the day off from food logging, partially because I overslept and was so tired I ate things and didn't keep track.  My neck doesn't hurt for the first time in weeks... not even a sore knot in my shoulder. Weirdly suddenly everything else hurts, I'm craving gum, and feel horribly lonely.

UDG said he'd hang out with me on Tuesday though. Looking forward to that.

The church group is at the beach today but I didn't go. I don't have anything to wear for sun protection that is cool enough right now and heat stroke has been a problem this whole month. I don't want to derail my phone interview early Monday AM and I would like to get the kitchen and patio picked up... Possibly more of the spare room cleared out.

Hugs all. I am so grateful for this site and the people here. When I started witing this post, I had that fluttery anxiety feeling all day I couldn't shake... but now I feel calm and focused.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/22/2018:
I'm glad you post here; I look forward to reading your thoughts, feelings, routines, observations, etc. No pressure to post, just sayin' I'm a fan.

The OT is right. Sadly, I too am guilty of these "bad habits". IDK, there's some comfort, for me, to sit in bed, at the end of the day, and do stuff (as long as it's not snacking!). I would encourage you to give the OT's recommendation a try, see how it goes.

Perhaps the neck pain dominated everything else that you didn't realize there was other stuff going on too. That's a very interesting comment from your church friend. If y'all do a group prayer, it would be OK to ask for their support in dealing with what you're dealing with.


happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Aw, ty. Sometimes I post here because there are thoughts I don't want to bore people with... and I am glad I am not boring you.

OT is in the right direction... I had a much easier week without neck pain and did manage to get sleep to snap back on track. Kind of fell off logging/responding.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2018:
good luck on your interview on Monday and you sound like you have lots of good activities going on. Try not to overdo activities and perhaps you will feel better and not start to sleep in because of being really tired! lately i'm doing less and boy does it feel GOOOOOD. i am sick of being really busy!

bearcountrygg on 07/22/2018:
Glad that posting here helps...…

innerpeace on 07/23/2018:
It's amazing how much pain one can take. I never really focused on ergonomics and I'm glad your OP knew to check your seat in your car to fix and/or alleviate your neck pain for now.

happy-1 - Saturday Jul 21, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

So really stuck my foot in it tonight... I just fundamentally do not understand certain basic things that everyone else gets right off... I went to play pool tonight with that church group and the really super hot guy in the group was there talking about the recent church trip to the Philipines... they collected donations of new shoes from people here in the US and then took them to needy kids in the Phillipines. He was so hot I literally could not think of anything to say so out popped the first question that had occurred to me when I first heard about the project... "Why did you collect shoes here to take to the Phillipines? I thought they were famous for making shoes?" He and my friend shared a look and he said he'd never heard of people making shoes there, and my friend said she'd heard of shoes being made in Taiwan and Vietnam... and they just nodded and smiled so I felt really dumb... so I looked it up online just now and yes, they are a major location for shoe manufacturers, and frequently do short custom runs. I dunno why they collected them here at retail and paid for shipping. Must have been an emotional thing for the people sending them.

Too much junk food today, but worth it.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/21/2018:
Wow, that's a really good point you made! I guess I wouldn't fit in either?

They probably didn't like the fact that you called them out on the faulty premise of their ministry/mission trip. Some folks have a hard time realizing that, ahem, y'all might just be going about this in the wrong way, yo.

Personally, I think your question/observation was really smart!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2018:
maybe they cannot afford shoes at all even their own brands that they make??

Horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2018:
it was a smart observation on your end, as donkey said.

happy-1 - Thursday Jul 19, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Yoga class at the pole dancing studio was super fun, even if I am 3x the size of all the ladies there, kept falling over, pants started slipping down, and the instructor seemed concerned I would die. It is tucked away at the back of a strip of warehouses behind the dollar store and there's no sign so you don't know it is there. The inside is super cute though... like a Barbie dress-up closet for grown ladies with stripper poles and aromatherapy... and they took a back chunk of the parking lot to make a rock garden with a little burning man airstream camper set up straight out of pinterest. I have a feeling a lot happens in that studio!!!!

However, the c1/c2 injury in my neck is killing me today... and I had a hell of a time getting to sleep last night and was up till 3am. Woke up late at 8am and am feeling off track.

So tired. Can I go back to bed? No... you can't. You need to stand up, push up, and never give up like a goddamn adult! Get your hair and makeup on! Get up to Woodland Hills for your exit interview for class. Get it over with! Get home! Make that cashew chicken as a reward! Maybe buy some pants in size medium so your flab doesn't flop out during yoga class and get back to it!!! Maybe even in hot pink to point out that even though you are fat you have zero cellulite. And find out where the yoga strippers bought exercise bras that "push up" their boobs to their chins with nothing bouncing. Grrr! Get after it! Never give up that ship!

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 07/19/2018:
perhaps if your injury was activiated, do not do the pole dancing again!

get some extra sleep tonight so you feel less tired tomorrow, if you can!

innerpeace on 07/19/2018:
Please if you find those bras...share!

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
You would look AMAZING in those bras! You might give several people heart attacks though!

Donkey on 07/19/2018:
Ohhhh I don't knowwwwww --- watch that neck injury! I have L-4 & L-5 and I'm a real baby when it comes to protecting it.

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Yeah that's why I was doing yoga and not pole dancing. I'm trying to build up my core to take strain off my arms and neck.

bearcountrygg on 07/20/2018:
Loved the description of the place...LOL....Behind the warehouses and the dollar store...without a sign....looks like a Barbie dreamhouse and smells like one too....LOL..hope you....take some hand sanitizer....LOL.....Makes me wonder if they actually rent the place or are...uhmmmm...just hanging out there...maybe code restrictions?

happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 18, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

Good quote from one of my challenges today:

Strength in humility
There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.
Walter Reuther
Labor Union Leader


Had a hard time falling asleep last night after iced tea... More caffeine than I realized? Went to sleep at 3am and woke up about 10. I am kind or derailed today but working my way back. Excited to try a yoga class at a pole dancing studio I had no idea was even there... a couple of blocks from my house. Hey... I'll consider all career opportunities right now ;-)

Making the parents dinner... turkey bolognese with veggies over spaghetti squash. Maybe some garlic bread. Eating early

Gotta pull it together. Sigh. 

Will comment on logs tomorrow! Have been burning the candle at both ends and the miidle.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/19/2018:
A new career change is obtainable...and good exercise ;)

Happy to hear that your parents are responding to the new changes.....sounds like a win win for everyone.....

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
I dunno that my case manager would be happy to hear that I decided to give up on software to become an old, fat pole dancer... but you gotta find your bliss... right? Maybe nursing. I'd like to have a real skill.

Donkey on 07/19/2018:
You must let us know about the new yoga class if you try it out!!! It's been a secret "ideal" to immerse myself into a yoga life... possibly becoming an instructor. Sadly, I don't take active steps to do anything about this. Time and money are the biggest obstacles... it might actually be lack of real desire, because if I really wanted this for myself, I would do something about it.

I see nothing wrong with a dance career as a pole dancer.

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Lol, after I lose another 60lbs and reverse age 22+ years... or find a senior center to strip at... it's all a matter of perspective, right?

happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 18, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 222.1

An extra post for today, but wanted to share some success... all these dinners I have been slogging out onto the table at 7pm and the accompanying battles, kicking of puppies, being mean to old people, not taking them to mcdonalds, and forcing them to eat healthy is starting to turn the tide. My mom has lost 14lbs or so... 223 to 209... and her blood sugar throughout the day is better.My dad tried dinner and didn't complain too much. Then we went through the grocery circulars together and put together a dinner menu plan for next week.

Who are these people and what have they done with my parents?

Dinner tonight was healthy copycat chickfila chicken nuggets (baked) and coleslaw with yogurt dressing plus spinach. My dad made a lean cuisine and also had the dinner I made but did not complain about what I made.

Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 16.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/18/2018:
I'm so happy to hear that!! Good for you....You are making all of your lives better.

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Whether they want me to or not...

horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2018:
yes, i'm glad you are having a good influence on your parents! finally.!!!!

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Like water on stone... Or a jackhammer on stone... Or a gong... Or a jackhammer and a firehose on stone... eventually the stone gives way.

Donkey on 07/18/2018:
What wonderful news! :-) As I drove home from work, I passed a business who had on their marquee: "Never give up". I thought of you :-)

happy-1 on 07/19/2018:
Me and the Old Philosopher, right? Never give up that ship!!!!

For those who don't get the reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qty7IP8wlXM

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