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happy-1 - Monday Jul 24, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Day 7 of 42 of putting exercise first.

Weight: 244.4. I think it will go up a little bit since I just started hiking and exercise always makes me eat more at the beginning.

Screwed up my digital calendar and missed a deadline with the EDD. I had to reopen my claim. Not sure what that does to my elligibility for job retraining. I feel like such an idiot.

ADHD is insidious. It makes weird **** super important and you don't pay attention to what you really need to focus on. I think if I had OCD to go with it, I might actually get things done. I have been looking at my diary entries (Long-winded and boring, I know but they are helping). I don't actually stare off into space as much as I think I do (I think the meds help). I do pay too much attention to the wrong things. 

Stress. *sizzle*

At least my win for today was that last night I tried the Sleepinol 2 hours before I wanted to go to sleep according to Horn_of_Plenty's recommendation and it more or less worked. It makes you feel a little fuzzy so you give up trying to do "one more thing" and just go to bed. I was up at about 4:20am to go to the bathroom and thought I would go back to sleep, but didn't. I could have made the beach bootcamp I want to go to, but I cuddled my dog and looked at internet jokes for a couple of hours. I wanted to make the EDD phone call at 8am and not miss it.

My other win was that I found a period tracker that exports your cycle forecast as an ical feed so you can get it on your apple or google calendar as a feed you can subscribe to. I can now see what weekends I might not want to go to the beach the same place as where I plan my trips. I have this fear that a shark will come and eat me. I am not sure if this is a rational fear or not. http://strawberrypal.com/


8am: Called EDD. Reopened claim online.

Then slacked and brain dumped here for an hour.

9am Breakfast. Cottage cheese and the last of the fresh blueberries.

Bummed around reading diary entries.

Dog tried to sit in my lap while I was eating. Such a pest. My mom has given her the worst habits. AAAAAAARGH. Got up and fed her breakfast... normally she gets kibble in the morning and wet food at night. Gave her wet food this morning. I am going to turn this dog into a hat. So annoyed when she came back over, I tapped her nose when she shoved it over.

9:40am Called Aetna. Still not processed. AAAARGH. Apparently my employer needs to contact them. AAARGH. Sat on phone for 40 min.

Ordered bra and dog gate while on phone.

10:30 Realized I didn't run out to get gas this morning before it heated up. AAAAAARGH. But it was ok. Overcast day so not too hot. I filled up my tank.

S: Diet coke, egg mc muffin

Realized I forgot the key to the post office box. Doh!

Ran to the supermarket, and came home and got my big experiment into the crockpot... Philly cheese steaks!!!!

12:30 Responded to a recruiter call.

Realized I forgot to get cheese. Doh!

S: first taste of the philly cheese steak. OMG. OMG. OMG.

2pm: Assistant is MIA. No meeting. Made a wet burrito and topped it with salad.

Realized I didn't turn on the crockpot. Doh! Debating the  hike... it will be time to leave right when they are ready. If I leave it out, my parents will make a giant mess as soon as the cheese steaks are ready and it will be unrecoverable as food for the week. 

4pm: Assistant is alive. She has found me a post office box (they are hard to come by at an actual post office in LA), a better storage unit (I'm deathly afraid of the paranoid schizophrenic at mine but can't bear to turn him in for living there), and an attorney.

7:30pm parents are home and fed, and back in their rooms. My dad literally complained at me for an hour straight. How can one person complain so much?

At least they loved dinner. They want it once a week. Shockingly the entire contents of the slow cooker is gone. That was enough for a week. I told her to buy me the stuff and I'll make it. It was super fast and easy cleanup.

8:15 Took sleepinol

10:15 Not tired yet. 

At least I made some progress on the case study.

Dog is making me crazy... I have a rash on my leg and she keeps licking it to make it better. Then she sits with her paw right on my bruised foot. Then she flips her tail against my rash. Then she sticks her wet nose on my elbow while I type.

DOG! I am going to turn you into a hat!

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/24/2017:
We had a foster child with ADD...when we fond something she was really interested in doing she stuck with it, maybe you don't really want to do everything on the list, maybe just making the list is what you want. one thing that works for me when I want to accomplish something is to set a timer for 15 minutes...I can do anything for 15 minutes....and sometimes when the timer goes off...I keep going...if not, I allow myself to stop for 15 minutes...then after that..i go at it again for 15 more...that really helps me get things done on days I'm not very motivated

happy-1 on 07/24/2017:
I kept trying to read your message but... SQUIRREL!

happy-1 - Friday Jul 21, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Day 4 of 42 of putting exercise first.

Weight: Forgot to weigh myself

Went to Sierra Club hike last night. Spotted a hurt hawk in someone's backyard so I called animal control. A guy stuck around to help out. We talked to the homeowners and got them to get a box to put over the bird until animal control can come get it. Apparently they are a conserved species so if you report one as hurt they come get it and take it to a bird rehab agency. We just headed back to the cars after that since the group moved on without us. If you just call animal control and stick a box on a bird, apparently you are a hero at the Sierra Club and I was invited to hang out for a burger after with the organizers. That like never happens to me, so it was a pretty cool feeling to sit and have fun talking to interesting people after a hike.

Today I went to a training center by my house. It was pretty morally uplifting. I liked the lady that does the program administration. She has 3 programs she thinks I could reasonably pull off.

  • MCTS Microsoft SQL Database Admin with Business Intelligence
  • Red Hat Certified Engineer (RHCSE)
  • Six Sigma Lean Black Belt with ITIL Foundations and CompTIA Project +

The programs are about 12 weeks long. It sounds pretty doable.

I am biased towards thinking the business intelligence and six sigma programs require me to be an extrovert. I can fake extroversion for an interview, but I am really introverted and find project management and any high-touch / personal connection work really draining. I can do it, I am good at it, but I want to switch to something less exhausting so I have the will to go on hikes after work. Also, I think the Red Hat one might help me eventually get a startup off the ground. I can only benefit from really understanding all 3 sides... Infrastructure, development, and business.

5:50p: I may have just spent the last 3 hours thinking about food. FML.

Also eating alot of crap because of the fight with my dad and avoiding being at home. And it is expensive.


B: Cashews, eggs, cheese, pita bread, water

S: Egg mc muffin, soda, hash brown

L: Mini pizza


S: Diet coke, Harvest Snaps, Protein Cookie




Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/21/2017:
Well you had a very interesting day and you have every reason to feel great...lots of really nice things happened and that is one lucky bird. I hope something comes out of the talks with people that suits you......

happy-1 on 07/24/2017:
Hugs. Thanks!!!! I hope so. Have had a good run of several days in a row.

thinnside40 on 07/21/2017:
Sounds like an exciting Friday! I used to like grocery shopping. Prices and peoples attitudes turn me off anymore.

happy-1 on 07/21/2017:
You should try mygrocerydeals.com I just found it today. You can create a list of grocery items and then see the deals near you. It sucked up like 2 hours. I was like YAY!!!!!!

Donkey on 07/22/2017:
That's so cool about the hawk! And good news about the training program. I hope that works out for you. It does sound very promising!

I'm going to have to check out that grocery website. Far too much of my time off from work is consumed with shopping around looking for the best prices...

happy-1 on 07/24/2017:
I really dug it. I did notice Friday night when I went to Food4Less that there were more deals on the shelves than listed in the app, but that might be a quirk of the store to get people to come more often.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/23/2017:
you know how you say you are putting exercise first? that's what i did also this weekend. I didn't plan any other socializing / major activities (just massage lol) besides the most important thing - jogging - not even weights. These days, the importance lies in jogging for me so that i know i am getting better! and you know what!? it's great i just concentrated on the jog....because i did something i hadn't done in YEARS...I ran 1.5 miles non-stop! I felt amazing that i accomplished it! And the only reason i could is because i've been training now for several months...and finally it's paying off! ....i actually need to look back to see how long it took me to get to this point! it feels SO AMAZING!

happy-1 on 07/24/2017:
WOW! You are doing great!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/23/2017:
Awww, that's so nice that the recognized you as helping them out and taking care of that bird...good for you, HAPPY!

I am similar to you - an introvert at heart. I can also fake being an extrovert, but, just like you, it is VERY draining to have to socialize the entire day....i think.

happy-1 on 07/24/2017:
Right? Talking to someone wears me out.

happy-1 - Thursday Jul 20, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Day 3 of 42 of prioritizing workouts over everything else.

High stress day today. Kind of buried in the hoard. My dad got me upset last night because he wanted me to learn a technology that nobody is hiring for so that we can bond.? Ihad to be mean and say no... I'll never be able to pay attention to tech that I can't use.

Then I stayed up too late watching Netflix. And spent my morning killing an awful fly infestation. Hours of swatting, spraying, etc. no avail. They just keep coming and I don't know why.

Today is fubar on food, getting things done, and being focused and happy. Recovery plan was to get lunch at Mc Donalds (fly free), sit in car till I feel better, realized I needed socks, came home.

3:14pm - plan is to finish washing dishes and looking for fly source, throwing away simple carbs that have gotten old. Get socks. Drive to hike at 5:30. Go on first 20 min of hike even if I don't feel like it

Went home, found my dad had piled all my stuff in front of the door to keep my dog in and the door open for air. This never works. I don't know why he does it. Telling him it doesn't work started him yelling at me that I should buy him an air conditioner. I offered to do this last summer and he yelled at me all summer not to. I asked him to put my dog in the bathroom while he does that while I wait for the hardware to show to fix the door. He yelled more. As soon as I finished the dishes I left, went to Walmart and bought 2 baby gates to put up in the meantime.

This is why I am broke-ish.

4:15pm - went to taco bell so I will have energy for the hike. Mcdonalds was like 290 calories and not enough food. Got a grilled chicken butrrito for 450 calories and some water.

Just driving straight to the hike.

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/20/2017:
Getting in some walking is better than not going at all...sometimes just getting started at something is all I need to actually keep going.

happy-1 on 07/20/2017:
Yeah. I'm going to try prioritizing workouts over everything else for 6 weeks and see what happens. I'll count today as day 3 since I went Tuesday.

Today I did it by just leaving when my dad laid into me today when I stopped off at home, taking a bag I am pretty sure has socks in it and running out the door.

thinnside40 on 07/20/2017:
Hopefully you can find some good stress relieving mechanism(s) to help you get in and stay in a routine. Stress stinks!

happy-1 on 07/24/2017:
Hugs. Thank you!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/21/2017:
Hi Happy Lady,

Lol why does your dad even want you to learn technology if it’s not being used? Sometimes I hear my lawyer in my company talking about bonding with his secretary – I think that’s what I am hearing?

You must have a leak in your windows. I used to get TONS of flies coming in my apt when I had the drafty, old windows. They were around 60 years old when they first replaced! So I’d get these big, annoying house flies. They’d be coming in thru the top of the windows because the windows would always get loose and fall down from the top creating an opening at the top. The locks didn’t work well, so the upper part of the windows would always seep downward a hair and flies came in…maybe this is what’s happening to you??

Lol, lately I have to remember socks too when I wear sandals to work and then need to pack socks for jogging / gym. Today I just wore casual, light stylish sneaker type shoes (similar to converse) so I can just wear the socks and have them for later at the gym! Much easier to wear the item and not need to remember to pack it, lol!

Flies are def coming in from outside….especially if your dad keeps the door open! If they are those big flies. Otherwise, just put the fruit and any veggies in the fridge instead of keeping them out…

I also bought a little gate, to keep my hamster from rolling EVERYWHERE in it’s ball…it easily, when I put it in the ball, walks seriously from room to room and I don’t like him going where I cannot see him at all….so I put up a gate and then other items to block the hamster from going everywhere – I might even buy 1 more gate! Lol….so I can easily put it up and down and not move my other items around when I want to prevent the hamster’s ball from rolling thru….? A slight waste of money though….so I’m waiting on that purchase. I keep making extra purchases on clothes on Groupon and food on Amazon….I really need to STOP my purchases for around 1 month of anything that is NOT necessary bc I am seriously wasting my money that I could be saving!

How much were your baby gates from Walmart? I think I paid around 20-30 on groupon for one, but it doesn’t have a lock and it’s not to be connected to a wall….it’s nice…wooden…it’s good for pets that are weak, not strong….a dog could easily knock it over – the one I bought!

Enjoy your hike at the lake…sounds cool!

happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 19, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Weight: 244.4

Took 3 hours to get to sleep last night because I was all revved up, despite benadryl and Melatonin. I will have to take it before dinner I guess.

9am: Woke up, took meds and advil. Waited for it to kick in then did two sinks of dishes, made breakfast for everyone, and showered. My dog is going after my dad's gate like crazy. Probably because I made sausages. Had to put her in the bathroom twice. She did get one though.

11: Tried to do call w counselor, she was stuck at an oil change.

Sat in the driveway with the car and AC on for like 15 minutes to destress before driving. It's just super stressful being there. My heart just races and I need to be cool to drive.

Went to store to pick up some fruit punch and a camp mirror. Nobody was available to check me out so I had to ditch it there. Grrrr.

12: Arrived at coworking space. Took me an hour to settle in. I just feel so flustered all the time. But I am being productive. Missed the chance to call back the other school. I'll have to be up early tomorrow to catch her. She called at 7:30 AM.

1: starting work. Meditation task is to finish setting up a meal plan for this upcoming week and pick a service. I'm spending a crazy amount on food. Goal is to finish going through the list of programs and settle on one, then handle the rebills for medical insurance.

S: Blueberries and greek yogurt

3:45: took a couple of minutes to write out what I would want to do if I made a meal planning app in the dev class I want to take. Oops. 2 hours and 45 min later, I have my notes... it is pretty awesome, but also a lot of work. I do think it makes more sense than what I see out there. Maybe it is a startup, maybe it is just a tool that helps me. Either way, I haven't started any of my planned work for the day.

S: Hummus, chicken, carrots, 1 cheese stick

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 07/19/2017:
I take up to 10mg Melatonin almost every night. Not necessarily for sleeping, but dentist told me to take that or a muscle relaxer for quality of sleep. Apparently, my teeth show evidence of hard grinding in sleep. After lots of painful weeks of dental work, I heed his advice.

BearCountryGG on 07/19/2017:
Looks like a busy day.

BearCountryGG on 07/19/2017:
Looks like a busy day.

horn_of_plenty on 07/19/2017:
Thank you for sending me hugs :)

happy-1 - Tuesday Jul 18, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Up at 6:30! Yes!!!!!!!!! So nice to not start a day kicking myself.


Ok... here's my measurements and calculations.

Weight: 244.6 (3lbs is normal fluctuation. Probably salt in the pizza yesterday)
Height: 5'9"
Activity level: Moderately active... Sedentary job, intense exercise

Neck: 16.5
R Bicep:15
Bust: 45
Chest: 40
Waist: 39
Hips: 45
R Thigh: 27
R Calf: 17.25

Body type from calculator: Straight
BMI for 241.6: 35.7 (Obese, but not morbid anymore. Yay!)
Body fat: 41%
BMR: 1842 / RMR: 2157

Goal: Gain muscle ( I don't really care about fat loss. Fat is fuel.)
Nutrient targets: Calories 2882, Carbs 324, Protein 216, Fat 80

Goal: Fat Loss (If I am trying to lose fat instead of gain muscle then strip off the fat)
Nutrient targets: Calories 1905, Carbs 191, Protein 191, Fat 42

Current physical complaints: Depression, difficulty focusing, fatigue, neck pain + numb fingers on right side, weird rash on feet that might be flea bites, bulging and varicose veins, asthma, hayfever, 

Recent physical achievements: Normal to lower blood pressure, breaking my weight loss plateau, not having to take days to recover after camping.


Woke: 6:30, took meds

B: 10:40... should have eaten when I first got up. Tummy is not happy with me. Protein snack tray: carrots, chicken, hummus, cheese

Worked steadily at the coworking space today, focused on finding training programs recognized by the WIOA. Talked to the EDD about WIOA enrollment. They said I have to already be enrolled. And... Doh... The EDD only continues your benefits while you are enrolled in a WIOA program... It doesn't pay for it. I feel like such a dork. I could swear the New Horizons liason said that there were training grants of up to 7k when I looked at this last year. 

Sigh.  Was laid off May 3. I wasted a lot of time in a depression spiral and neck injury. I've gotten companies up and running in that amount of time. I've also wasted a bunch of money on earthquake preparations, clothes, food I had to toss, and camping gear, as well as going down to Scott's and buying meals and groceries down there. Ugh. Well not wasted, but probably shouldn't have spent it right now.

Hindsight is 20/20.

S: Protein Shake

L: Pollo asada leftovers with refried beans and polenta, salsa, guacamole, salad, ranch dressing.

4pm - Talked to a sales guy at General Assembly about their dev bootcamp. It's $15k and their admissions materials don't screen for high school math skills like functions and algorithyms. Not sure on that one. Instructors will be spread really thin.

Kept working through the list from the EDD. Maybe there will be something cheaper and more appropriate.

5:40 - Changed for hike. Need to leave at 6:30 to be there before 7. I want a cookie. Bad.

-- survived hike but took all the cheat shortcuts. By the time i got home I was starving. Made chinese food(fake chicken strips, cashews, frozen veg, rice noodles, cilantro, jalapenos, stirfry sauce) which I had 2 big servings of and an eggroll. I was so hot and tired and sticky, I took my dinner and ate it in a cold bath. I think I was still chewing as I hosed myself off. My dog was hungry too and kept scratching at the door to say "where's mine?" so I ran out naked, chased her down, picked her up and carried her back in with me, all paws swinging. I think she actually looked shocked.

10pm kind bar

10:30 in bed, lights off. Took Benadryl late. Just can't go anymore. Awesome day.


Extra awesomeness... according to Eat This Much, my calories for yesterday were on target for fat loss without really trying.

Cumulative stats:
189g Carbs

(156g net carbs)

68.2g Fat
113.7g Protein
1814.7 Calories

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/18/2017:
Looks like you know what you want to achieve...THATS GREAT!!! Good for you with the measurements!!!

happy-1 on 07/18/2017:
Thank you!

thinnside40 on 07/18/2017:
Great to have goals and a determination to go along with them.

happy-1 on 07/18/2017:
Thank you!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/19/2017:
Gaining muscle like you wrote above is a GREAT goal. Currently i think i'm losing weight bc i am losing muscle...i miss my 3x a week gym sessions. I currently go 2x per week and feel definitely that i'm getting weaker and need to use 5lb lower in weights :-(....i'm too busy right now to go 3x per week.

happy-1 on 07/19/2017:
Hugs. You will get back there soon.

thinnside40 on 07/19/2017:
Have a good Wednesday!

BearCountryGG on 07/19/2017:
quite the day you had...it wore me out.

happy-1 - Monday Jul 17, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Weigh in: 241.8. More interested in losing inches so maybe I should start doing body measurements. 

The good thing about losing weight slowly is that I don't think I am going to have extra skin, except around my boobs. How is it fair that I'm super fat AND a B cup?

Up at 11.30 AM. Not 6:30 like I wanted to be. Slept 8 hours exactly. Looks like I will have to take sleeping pills to get to sleep at a decent hour tonight.

B: 3 eggs, olive oil, 1 hotlink

(Forgot to eat kale with it. Ugh. 1 cup in the morning is supposed to trigger fat loss)


S: blueberry overnight oats that turned out better than I ever would have imagined possible. Glad I made a batch.

1pm where did my day go???

2:40pm at coworking space. Foot is slightly better today... no sharp pain when standing/walking. Just a dull ache.

Signed up for a sierra club conditioning hike tomorrow night. Looking forward to the "Cocooon" old people pointng out I am out of shape.

3:30p - Discovered a Chrome extension that sorts and groups your boards for you. My brain feels so much better now! I love Pinterest and have lots of boards... I name them alphabetically and group by subject. Now I can find them!

S: 2 pieces of cheddar cheese and a peach. 1/2 a can of diet coke

4pm - Took adhd meds, really late. I can't drink caffeine after 2 so I hope I can stay awake. Pretty weird to take 80mg of amphetamines and want to just go take a nap. Ugh.


Called a couple of WIOA programs. Most of the ones that would actually be helpful are the ones that no longer run in my area. 20 hours a week for 18-24 hours a week and all during prime hours so if you find a job it gets really hard to complete a program. Hmmm... 

Grrr. Searching other county's programs. Maybe I will find something that has an online/remote completion option so I can do stuff after hours. Everything still running is Microsoft-based... Good if you want to do major corporations, but bad for doing B2C startups.

5pm - Lunch: Personal supreme pizza from bowling alley concessions. Definite "stress eating". 


Really liking the PlantoEat service. Might subscribe. I wish that the ingredients were able to be looked up in a nutritional database and tracked for you as part of the recipe. Eat This Much does that but it has fatal errors in the app on the primary path. Probably lost funding.


8:40 - left coworking space to get dog food and essentials for the week. Also picked up a pork roast for $1.49 a lb to take to the potluck on Saturday. I'm making pulled pork sandwiches  

10:00 - Took benadryl for allergies and sleep. Heated up dinner for myself and my dad. Mom went to bed on time. Debating whether I should pack the food I bought into meals or just go to sleep. Leaning towards sleep.

D: Turkey skillet, refried beans, cheese, coleslaw, ranch dressing, salsa



Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/17/2017:
maybe you'll be tired naturally tonight despite sleeping in??

happy-1 on 07/17/2017:
From your lips to god's ears. If he/she has them.

happy-1 on 07/18/2017:
it worked!

BearCountryGG on 07/17/2017:
I need to try the overnight oats...They sound so good!

happy-1 on 07/17/2017:
OMG... They really were. The texture is much better than stovetop... the oats stay firm... like a soft granola bar... no slimy/squishy texture.

Salt to taste Stevia to taste 2 cups oats 2 cups vanilla almond milk 2 servings vanilla protein powder 1 package dried blueberries Cinnamon

To serve: Margarine Half n half

Whisk almond milk, protein powder, cinnamon, salt, stevia in a big bowl. Add oats and blue berries, then let sit in the fridge overnight. Take out in the morning and microwave desired serving. Top with margarine and half n half.

BearCountryGG on 07/17/2017:
sounds really good

happy-1 on 07/17/2017:
Yeah, I think the "mistake" of not putting in a ton of almond milk like the online blog recipes call for was actually pretty good.

thinnside40 on 07/17/2017:
You and me both need to do the measuring thing. I'm a daily scale user and need to take those inches into consideration to keep from being discouraged.

happy-1 on 07/17/2017:
Hugs. I'll face the tape measure in the morning!

happy-1 - Monday Jul 17, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Open question... Does anyone here use a meal planning app for managing what groceries they buy? 

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Sunday Jul 16, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Chilling at home today. Just not feeling well. And my foot hurts. I sighed a couple of times while walking on it and my dad lost his **** at me for sighing and leaving the room when he entered... i was like I'm cleaning and my foot hurts... i'm just walking around on a bum foot. He yelled more and then went out for Mc Donalds.

Goals for day: wash all the dishes, clean out the fridge, use up what I have in there, go through parent emergency kits and mark off what Ihave from the list. Hate that they are so lazy and won't do anything for themselves. When it cools down, go get gas in my car and hit Vons for a pork shoulder to take to potluck.

B: 3 eggs, hotlink, 2 pieces pita bread and margerine

Washed all the dishes. Cleared off a couple of cluttered surfaces in living room

S: protein shake

Made turkey taco skillet, refried beans and stevia-sweetened corn cake with cheese. A little carb and fat heavy but there is kale for a super chewy salad

D: turkey taco skillet and spinach salad

Ran to 99 cent store and bought a bunch of produce. Got gas.

Tried out Plan to Eat, a menu planning service that you put your recipes in and then it builds a grocery list for you.

Way better than I thought it would be. Dad really liked it and had no problems chewing it.

S: 3 large green tea lattes, 2 pieces of cheese, 1 pear

2:30 am - heading to bed finally. Have to be up at 7 if I want to go to the beach bootcamp

3:30 am - still up. Have been laying here for an hour. Took some Benadryl for allergies and to get to aleep. I will probably not make the workout again. I think I was doing better when IwS using the meditation app to get to sleep... but it was $13 a month

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/17/2017:
Oh Hiiii Happy Lady!

You know, I was walking around Queens (close to NYC) yesterday and I sighed without realizing. I was with an older guy in his late 50’s. He’s a friend of mine who acts like he’s half the age he really is! Anyways, he called me out on sighing and I’m glad he did bc I didn’t realize I did it…and my sighing will not be good for when I get myself into the NYPD….i have to try harder to get in shape! Lol….I was practically getting winded just from all the extra walking we were doing! LOL…I have my work cut out for me :-P But little by little, I’ll get there!! But I’m just so glad he did call me out bc I don’t want to be all huffing, puffing & sighing in the NYPD all day long my colleagues would kill me and also….when dating if I’m walking with a guy I really want, I do not want to be sighing like I’m outta shape with him! you know!?

The guy I was with yesterday is a friend. Too bad he isn’t a hair healthier and a non-smoker and richer, then I’d want to seriously date him. But he smokes and doesn’t have enough money .. I want someone a bit more higher class than him….and….and his personality is nice but he gets angry and annoyed to easily…I want a more calm man to date…a man with more self-esteem and confidence as well as more of a boss. But this man is a good friend------with benefits! It works right now….He provides some nice benefits let me tell you…it all feels good….but in the back of my mind I am always thinking of a different man that I am EXTREMELY attracted to. Friend with benefits also loves to go out and enjoy life…which I love enjoying with him. I wish the other guy would finally break down and try a relationship with me. Other guy doesn’t try at all…he’s afraid of relationships but I feel it could be so fun with him…if he’d let himself have fun. So for now, I’ll take the friend that’s available and have fun with him – makes me feel good & it’s better than not enjoying! Right!? So I enjoy life and enjoy having a man enjoy me for the time being – it’s a great deal..

OMG that corn cake sounds AMAZING. I want to buy a corn bread mix and make it with stevia….GOOD IDEA. Or if not stevia, with another no cal sweetener like erythritol. I love a nice corn bread…you tempt me! First I need to cook all the pastas I bought! But ohhhh does a sf cornbread sounds AMAZING!

Very nice on your turkey tacos. I cook turkey burgers often and also broiled up some precooked chicken sausages flavored so nicely. Premade.

Those 99C stores have great deals. Love them! I bought a ton at the one close to my work in this past month. All great purchases. From containers that are air tight to seal my hamster food…to a bracelet…to birthday/mother’s day/father’s day cards!, to cleaning products, to a pair of socks when I forgot them for running after work (was wearing sandals) to a couple small shovels for cleaning a hamster cage…how I LOVE this 99C store. We got TONS of them in Queens!!! Food is usually not great, besides eggs and snack foods they have really crappy brands of cookies/cakes/sodas. But nice decorations for holidays too and I also bought a door decoration for my front door at another dollar store! It says welcome and its cute!

That’s a TON of large green lattes…were you tired? Lately I try to lay off the caffeine bc it destroys my already sensitive skin and it also really screwed my sleep up….I’m learning to get the real rest and less caffeine. Actually learning, at almost 35 now!, to take care of myself better.!!!

Sleep meds = be careful. I take them when I want, on purpose, extra sleep after not sleeping well for several days. I try not to take them many days in a row bc sleep pills wear me out after a couple days even it stays in my system for like a cumulative effect …. I try to take usualy 1 day and up to 2 days in a row but never more. Have a nice day….meditation sounds the healthier way ! Stay happy!

happy-1 - Saturday Jul 15, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Stayed up too late watching Netflix. Didn't make it to beach bootcamp. I'm a jerk. Need to get myself together to get out the door to work out. I knew I was up late, I was just in a bad mood from dinner and lost myself in a tv show binge watch to vicariously feel better... instead of going to bed to get up early and make my own life happen.

Here is my morning overwhelm:

Overbooked today. Dad's birthday, lunch with an old friend, greek festival. Still have tons of stuff on my list and kind of panicking. Also, Scott is still kind of withdrawn. And I have an EDD interview that I am not sure what it is about. Dog is still licking paw obsessively and the red yeast isn't getting any better so I might need to take her to the vet. I need to get after all of it.

One foot in front of the other, one step at a time.


Got up at 10. Friend cancelled, made myself breakfast.

B: 2 pieces of white toast, margerine, olive oil, 3 eggs, 1 hotlink

Got dressed and hung out at home till 12 when my parents got up and started the daily complaint litany. Went out and washed and vacuumed car to go to a meetup at the greek festival but realized I am super dehydrated and made plans to go later instead. I think it was all the salt in the food at hometown buffet last night.

L: Frozen pizza

Dog keeps whacking me with her cone so I gave her benadryl to knock her out. She's super restless and gets up and down every 2 or 3 minutes.  She won't be happy until she is sitting on the couch next to me with her head and cone in my lap. Can't walk her because her quick is exposed and the cut on her paw pad is barely closed. 2 more weeks and more missed camping trips. Her summer just sucks and she's so cranky. Poor pup.

S: 1/3 of a chocolate cake

Successfully signed up with the Wilderness Travel Course with the Sierra Club. I opted in for the compass and text, which I am pretty excited about.

s: another 1/3 of a chocolate mini cake. Kind of stressed, feel like I shouldn't try to go to the greek festival. Like I need to get everything in order at home first. Cancelled onthe second Meetup

S: remaining 1/3 of chocolate mini cake, pear, bunchnof water

D: a chicken parmesan casserole I had in the fridge

Late night S: boiled pasta with butter and parm

S: blueberries

Just ate the fridge today, apparently


Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Friday Jul 14, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Got a haircut today. I quite like it. Moreofthefriedpart gone. He also recommended dying it a couple shades darker so that the color grabs more evenly. I quite like it.

Went. To dinner with my parents and itwas rough. Mydad was determined to be helpful and hit every single one of my vulnerable spots. I was supposed to do stuff tonight butwas so worn out I am home and going to bed at 8.the only thing I want to so is go to bed early and pass out and have it be a better day tomorrow.

I think I really want a 24hourfitness membership again. Something to do to burn off. The pain and anguish of dealing with my dad.

This is a cool article on a guy that took a selfie every mile of the PCT. The time lapse video is awesome. http://amp.travelandleisure.com/articles/andy-davidhazy-selfie-hiker-interview-packing-list

Hopefully signing up for the Wilderness Travel Course tonight

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/15/2017:
Unfortunately so much of our lives can be taken up by allowing others to put us down....when what your dad is really doing is either covering up for his own disappointment in himself or he just has a very bad habit of being negative. Please don't rent him space in your head and let him affect how well you are really doing. I'm almost 68 years old and in those years I have experienced a lot of things, wife, mother of 2, grandmother of 2, great grandmother of 2 and foster mother to 8 babies from abuse and neglect circumstances and in that time I have come to understand that when people treat you badly it says a lot more about them then it says about you....so please don't let his opinion stop you from accomplishing what you want. His bad manners are his problem.......you are doing great.

happy-1 on 07/17/2017:
Hugs... I try not to but whether I live here or not, my dad is the voice in my head that tears me down and I just need to tell it to shut up.

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