forums directory search about DD
or Join for Free!
Recent Diary Entries
Jacky82020 14 hrs
SomeFineDayToo 15 hrs
SomeFineDay 16 hrs
Donkey 19 hrs
Maisy! 20 hrs
Horn_Of_Plenty 21 hrs
happy-1 23 hrs
DDwebmasterKids 1 days
Rainbow! 1 days
InnerPeace 3 days
legcramps 5 days
Brett 5 days
Salamander 5 days
KathyBlue 5 days
Coffee&Calories 16 days
test1 8/24
DDwebmaster 8/20
caystown 8/17
Becca27 1/26
little_one 1/02
Supercheese 9/08
mulli 7/21
StarStickers 4/25
thinkpositive 2/28
Cassie2020 2/11

Recent Forum Topics
DD maintenance - 6:31A 22-Aug

Measurements and weights - 11:14A 28-Oct

Certificate Expiration - DD webmaster :) - 7:51A 7-Oct

New spammer - 4:36A 21-Jul

Virtual Challenges - 6:56A 11-Jul

Spam removed - 9:07P 23-Mar

view happy-1 bio page
happy-1 - Thursday Jun 20, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

No chemo for mom. She started hospice yesterday instead. Her pre-chemo test results were really bad. It's a big reversal.

Last week I took my mom to a cat show and couldn't help but get my mom a cat (you would have too if you saw her there... kitty hunger) and he's really taking the edge off. When mom is sad and inconsolable, deploy the cat... Not really a cat person, but I needed to do SOMETHING for her. "Sorry you feel so lousy. Sorry I never had grandkids for you... I can't fix that. I can, however take on something I never really wanted to do and get you a cat and guarantee it a home after you pass." 

She's not so in love as she was at first because he got really plump after a few square meals and is too strong for her. Also she has some kind of weird anger because I integrated him with my dog differently than she wanted me to, they totally get along, and he even goes on walks with us. They sleep and eat peacefully within a couple of feet of each other. It's like she's angry that I didn't make it some long, complex process and it still worked out anyway. I basically decided that my dog should get everything she ever wanted every time I look at the cat so that she'd think "Why didn't you get a cat sooner? Cats are the best thing ever!" Other than the cat trying to use my dog as a land bridge from the top of his crate to my desk... and a yelp of displeasure from my dog... Peace in the kingdom.

Current kitty hurdles are that he has terrible diarrhea and I had to toss his scratchpad so he wants to scratch but can't. Also, he wants to make mom's art storage his home. Noooo... So he's confined to the crate when unsupervised and he is definitely not a fan of that. As soon as he poops he's desperate to get out of the crate and it's a racket and a half. Off to the free vet visit with the ASPCA voucher to find out why kitty has explosive poops... 

Goal for today is to go to the vet, grocery store, and come back and look at photos with my mom.

One foot in front of the other. 


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/21/2019:
I am so sorry to hear that your mom isn't doing well. I wish her not to be in any pain though.

I am amazed you got her a cat!? wow! that's a BIG gift from you! and a big responsibility but you wrote you have wanted one :)

wow - the cat goes on walks with your dog? amazing!

good luck on the vet visit with your kitty! how cute. yeah, i'm sure it's best to keep her in the crate when not supervised! :)

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
Noooo I have not wanted a cat. Ever. They are great to visit but difficult to live with and people who are allergic can’t come over.

Donkey on 06/21/2019:
Congratulations on your new kitty! It's nice that he gets along with your dog. Some cats are like that.

Our latest kitty had a poop problem too. 10 days of some liquid meds and she's fine now. Make sure you take a stool sample when you visit the vet (?).

Cats aren't like dogs though, so I hope you don't have him in the crate for too long.

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
Augh... well... when the explosive diarrhea stops and I have all my mom's art safely put away from shredding claws, I will re-examine the crate policy.

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
Vet had me deworm him again, and some other meds I am too tired to start tonight but will start in the morning.

Donkey on 06/21/2019:
Congratulations on your new kitty! It's nice that he gets along with your dog. Some cats are like that.

Our latest kitty had a poop problem too. 10 days of some liquid meds and she's fine now. Make sure you take a stool sample when you visit the vet (?).

Cats aren't like dogs though, so I hope you don't have him in the crate for too long.

Donkey on 06/21/2019:
I don't know why my comment posted twice...

I do hope that your mom finds some comfort in her hospice treatment. (((hugs)))

happy-1 on 06/22/2019:
It's heartbreaking and I dunno that she will but I am doing my best.

legcramps on 06/21/2019:
I'm sorry your mom isn't doing so well...i hope things improve for you both.

happy-1 - Friday Jun 14, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3


Woke up at 3:30am this morning with all-over body aches and pains. I think it is either arthritis or general aches and pains from the strain of cleaning rugs and hauling my mom around at the last minute appointment to get a pickline for chemo... Apparently she starts next week. Even though "Everything hurts and I'm dying", I am grateful to be back on schedule and have some early morning hours to myself to get my head together. I spent my morning creating a functional desk, nightstand, and workspace in my new room.

I did get to yoga on Wednesday, even though I was too out of it to leave the house and go... I tried an online live yoga app (Yogaia, but there are others). I don't know why I haven't before except that now that I finally have a door I can close, space to stretch out in and a clean carpet. I just went out to my car and grabbed my mat, blocks, blanket, and strap... good to go. Today I set up my tripod for my phone to give the instructor a better view of my poses... I still need a good mirror... and like 3 more feet of space on all sides!!! But one step at a time. I don't do yoga videos because I want the pose corrections from an instructor... I've wasted so much time with this neck injury and worked so hard to pull it back together I don't want to do anything to knock it out of position. Online and live seems like a good happy medium and a decent solve while I struggle through taking care of two terminally ill parents.

Yesterday instead of yoga though I went and got a haircut. I love my hair stylist, She's so nice and I destress so much. I really appreciate her tremendously. I was so desperate for something to make me feel human and this really, really helped. I actually got to feel like my old self again for a few hours last night. This was also helped by my Old Navy splurge on tall size yoga clothes and a salmon tank top. Everything shrinks and gets too short I swear. So not buying anything regular size ever again.

Today, I will continue to spend the morning on a million tiny tasks to set myself up for success, and possibly make up a couple of meals I have the ingredients for. Then I want to do a yoga class at lunch, then try to get my parents out of the house in the afternoon for some kind of outing. Burn off the shut in crazy a little if I can.

Tomorrow I see my guy!

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2019:
I keep my fingers crossed your pain is coming from some overdoing / cleaning and prepping more. Aren't you too young for arthritis!? i hope!?

Online and Live yoga!? amazing!!!! that sounds awesome indeed! And so convenient to do at home. that's cool.

yes, i've had issues i believe with old navy and shrinking / short size pants getting too short!

i'm glad you got your hair cut and feel good. I need to get highlights, but, since time is sorta racing lately, i'm actually just letting my roots show for longer and don't really care! if i had more gray, i think i'd care, but, since most of my roots are brown i figure who gives.

good for you on cooking!!!! lately i cook a TON since ordering the veggies! :) I like to google recipes for what i have / want to make and choose that day. i have so many herbs and spices that i do usually have what's needed to get a veggie dish right! also wanna make a corned beef i have in the freezer :)

Have a nice day, you do sound good!

Donkey on 06/15/2019:
In case you didn't know it... you're doing incredibly well in handling life right now. At least from what you're sharing here --- and it might not feel like it to you.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 12, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Random blessings... Landlord mysteriously chose to fix concrete where my mom's wheelchair ramp ends and replaced our broken screen door. Big Lots is giving me a grace day to return the carpet cleaner. Social worker was kind to my mom.

For my mom today, I was there for her in general and got her bed trapeze setup swapped out to a better position. I also brought her a Jamba Juice shake and found her glasses.

For my dad today, I moved some paperwork along and also advocated for him to be moved into the queue for PT and a nutritionist.

For my dog today, I moved her beds around and now she can get in and out of my bed on her own by using one of them as a stair. I like it when my dog joins me all on her own. She's a senior dog and I think snuggles take effort.

For my guy today, I said yes to a date and ordered his birthday present... one of them at least. A leather keychain with an inscription. I'm looking at passes to a horror convention near us in August. I finally have someone to go to haunted houses and watch scary movies with.

For myself today, I checked my hormone panel results. Kids are pretty much out of the picture. At least I know. 

Before today ends, I will go to the post office and to yoga.

Mantra for tomorrow: I will get stronger and things will seem easier.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 06/12/2019:
You have a lot going on but are doing an outstanding job of getting through it each day. So proud of you. Glad you are taking good care of you, too.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/13/2019:
Wow, great post!!!! There's a lot of happiness here and success with getting things done :) Proud of you!

Donkey on 06/13/2019:
Many blessings here. They add up, don't they? I am proud of you as well!!

happy-1 on 06/14/2019:
Hugs, ty. If you are proud of me, then that is a huge accomplishment because your respect is a worthwhile thing to have.

legcramps on 06/13/2019:
Oh man, I would love to go to that horror convention! That's right up my alley :)

happy-1 on 06/14/2019:
Riiiiight????? OMG. I love that stuff. I can't wait to see "The Dead Don't Die".

happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 11, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3


Today I cleaned the carpets and did follow up calls for my mom and got her PT eval moved 2 days earlier. I wanted to take my parents to the grocery store, but neck is killing me and I needed to go to yoga. I did the shopping for them as best I could. Dad flipped out because he didn't like the sodium-free soda I bought him, so I left immediately and got some dinner. A salmon kale salad to go with my return to yoga. I went to the 99cent store after and discovered they had Lara Bar Kid stuff for $1. I stocked up. 

Doing my best, every day for no regrets.



I binged on the new snack bars. I think I ate a box worth. Augh



Peace begins with me.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/12/2019:
I'm glad you are doing yoga and keeping on with your healthy routine. I would be trying to that too if I were in your place.

Dad seems to flip out often...you keep on. and don't let it upset you. you keep being you and if it's not to dad's liking...well...you tried.

those snack bars are tasty indeed.

happy-1 on 06/12/2019:
One foot in front of the other... As the meme wisdom of the internet promises, I choose where I will be in 30 days.

Dad flips out every 20 min or so. I just try to ignore it... like static on a radio station from very far away.

They are too good! I had too many last night because they were new and delicious. I will eventually get bored with them though and eat fewer of them. They are less processed than the Lenny and Larry's cookies and at least a little bit like a nicotine patch so I don't dive into mom's treats..

happy-1 - Monday Jun 10, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

One foot in front of the other.

For myself, I am doing a good job of picking ok meals, avoiding temptation, and testing before I eat.

For my mom, I went to the cancer networking meeting she wanted to attend on her behalf. 

For my dog, I removed my dad's oxygen machine from my room so it is less hot (she gets locked away when our nurse is over) and worked on moving it to a separate room. I also put the dog gate back so the door doesn't have to be closed and freshened up her bed.  

For my dad... Making up a chicken breast with peas, carrots and rice.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/12/2019:
Lots of good things going on in your entry, Happy! :) Good job taking care of things for your family - and yourself <3

Donkey on 06/12/2019:
Incredibly positive post! Victorious - even if it might not feel that way. You did good.

legcramps on 06/12/2019:
Well done, happy :) one step at a time.

innerpeace on 06/12/2019:
Always do for yourself! Have a great day.

happy-1 - Sunday Jun 09, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Mom's home from the hospital! 3 days of observation. No surgery this time, just a different kind of bandage. Everyone is exhausted. I've been fully dressed for 3+h to go grocery shopping and have not yet left my house. I just go in search of whatever we have that resembles junk food (rice krispies, grilled cheese sandwiches) and then flop back over to watch more Archer.

I really want to order chinese food, but dad can't have the sodium. I miss takeout terribly.

I have pants. My outfit is great. I CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE.

After one more episode.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/09/2019:
Yay!!!!! Wonderful news!!!

Maybe just chill out with Archer. It's been a full day, a stressful week (plus). Maybe groceries can wait?

happy-1 on 06/10/2019:
Yeah and if I submit an online sams club order I can just pick them up.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
Archer! i don't remember it that much but i am sure it's funny!?

hey, i am sure you needed the downtime after all those times and stress at the hospital. i'm glad you are all back home and doing better.

too bad there wasn't more food i guess in your house that was healthy? i am sure you just wanted to be home! :) xoxo

happy-1 on 06/10/2019:
All seasons are streaming on Hulu. Hilarious and addictive. Kickboxer got me hooked and I need to catch up to the current season :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
PS- i love takeout too!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/10/2019:
i'm going to look on Amazon Prime for Archer :)

happy-1 - Saturday Jun 08, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

On a recommendation from a therapy intern, I brought a bunch of old photos to the hospital yesterday. Mom perked up, sat up (all on her own) and partcipated in life. She even ate and did her PT. She's getting discharged today.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 06/08/2019:
Oh...that is great!!! I'm sure she is happy to be going home too!

BearCountryGG on 06/08/2019:
That was a good idea with the photos....reminds all of you of easier times......Good Job Happy!!

Donkey on 06/09/2019:
The photos were a great idea! Is Mom home now? You continue to be in my thoughts...

Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2019:
yayyy! i am glad your mom is doing better and can go home!

happy-1 - Thursday Jun 06, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Another day in the hospital. Doing what I can to take care of myself here. I am putting one foot in front of the other a little bit every day. Went and got a healthy low carb breakfast and coffee. Asked at the front desk about the rumor that there are free yoga classes here last night. At least I am sleeping well.

I'm pretty sure the nurses think I'm nuts. I'm camped out here like I'm homeless. I brought in a cooler, a camp bed, a clothesline, and my gym bag. Mom's clothes to go home in are handwashed and drying in the bathroom. I eat, sleep, shower, and work on my laptop here. I make runs for supplies, to go to my own doctor's appointments (have stopped canceling them, I just need to go no matter what else is going on), and to check on my dad and my dog.

It's not going perfectly though. Today I missed a doctor who also didn't enter any notes so I can't catch up until they are entered. Mom keeps asking me to help her turn over and is angry if I don't get her into the perfect position straight off. Even with ear plugs in, I find the whole hospital environment mentally taxing and physically exhausting.

I am making some strides on getting myself in order. Yesterday I figured out the puzzle of the latest iphone update that wouldn't install and figured out how to get my todo list app to work with my Google calendar.

Hopefully I can make it to the free therapist and support group tonight. The support group is the only place I can go to socialize. Everyone there has something going on. 

Hope floats.



Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 06/06/2019:
It sounds like you are making the best of a difficult situation....((HUGS))...

happy-1 on 06/07/2019:
Hugs! Thank you. If you say I am making the best of a difficult situation, I definitely am.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/07/2019:
It is a difficult situation at BCGG said, i'm glad you are able to also meet many of your needs.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/08/2019:
Sending you many virtual hugs ! !!!!

happy-1 on 06/09/2019:
Thank you for the hugs!

Donkey on 06/08/2019:
Thinking of you... Hospitals are indeed stressful. Noisy, lights, people everywhere, different smells...

Is your dad able to visit your mom?

happy-1 on 06/08/2019:
The amount of work it is to take my dad anywhere makes it impossible until I get back to yoga. My neck can't take the whole trip. He just requires too much equipment and he's carrying 150 extra pounds... I'm not as strong as I was in January.

It's a stressful environment, but less stressful than home. I just feel more tired here because I am getting to relax.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 05, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Week is blown up... had to take mom to the ER yesterday. After 9h there she was admitted and  is having a procedure done today to fix her brand new catheter. This is one of the less scary episodes but the whole journey is terrifying overall. She’s in the muscle wasting stage and her instructions are no feeding tubes or other artificial means of support. I’m really glad to be on here and have read the 4 Agreements because I have been doing my best every day since then and it makes it a lot easier to support my mom. I don’t have to save her or give her more time. I just have to do my best everyday to support her.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/05/2019:
Wishing your mom comfort as she rides through this difficult phase. Stay strong Happy. I for one am in support of her choice of no feeding tubes. that's not a way to live, with a feeding tube.

happy-1 on 06/06/2019:
TY. Hugs. Going to be hard to watch though.

Donkey on 06/06/2019:
(((hugs))) ER visits suck. 9 hours???? That's really rough. I'm so sorry.

When do they say your mom can go home?

I'm glad to hear that the 4 Agreements are helping you in this situation.

happy-1 on 06/07/2019:
Saturday, if she doesn’t go to a nursing facility for rehab. I think she’s got about a month left. I can’t handle the prospect of being stuck alone with my dad. He won’t pay for care for her and is just running me into the ground.

BearCountryGG on 06/06/2019:
I'm hoping that your Mom and yourself and Dad are finding peace in the decisions your Mom is making.....My dad went on hospice and while it was hard on all of us...the acceptance did help us deal with things better. ((Hugs))

happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 04, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Did not get up and go to yoga today. Slept a ton of hours and woke up without the stomach bug, but got caught up in the gauntlet.

Binge ate yesterday. Stress and unhappiness and a little drama with my boyfriend being snappy. We're in a weird spot. Going into month 8, but we don't really talk much anymore. I've met his mom but none of his friends. He doesn't ever brng up future long term plans... but texts me everyday and works hard to be in my life, accepts my stress level, and is pretty suppportive while I go through a really rough part of my life. So... Weird, right? Trying to not overthink and enjoy it.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/04/2019:
It really do be like that sometimes... I'm sorry, keep moving forward.

happy-1 on 06/04/2019:
Hugs, ty

Horn_of_plenty on 06/04/2019:
is your bf more of a one-on-one guy? does it get along best just one on one? otherwise, at least it's really nice he's rooting for you at this tough time :)

happy-1 on 06/04/2019:
Yeah, I'm pretty lucky!

[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 Next Page ]