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happy-1 - Thursday Feb 07, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar/cholesterol.)
Weight: 216.3


Drinking from the firehose, but maintaining.  

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/07/2019:
keep on, happy! at least you don't have this cold weather to deal with! i cannot wait for this cold to be over! seems i had to skip my workouts all this work week! :(

Maria7 on 02/09/2019:
Happy for you on maintaining.

happy-1 - Friday Feb 01, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar/cholesterol.)
Weight: 216.3

So incredibly tired. I was supposed to get a down day / no adhd meds today but my dad ran out of meds... which meant that I had to take the smaller XR stuff just to get it together to get out and get them. I'm actually hoping everything will get easier now that a social worker through the hospital is involved. I've unknowingly been a caretaker for an undiagosed cancer patient for 4 years... gee no wonder I'm always 2 minutes from a freak out and total exhaustion.

Wins today were getting the kitchen back to "cookable", getting the smoothie stuff together to get 300 or so calories into mom (she got almost 1000 in today), getting a decent meal into my dad... chicken and sweet potato for dinner.

My big plan is to try to get up at 5:30 tomorrow so I can be up an out and thru my day before they start asking for things. It will make a difference I am sure.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/01/2019:
Who has the cancer? your father? i'm sorry...i missed you writing about this earlier.

5:30am is a nice, early wakeup anywhere in the world! :) i'm sure it'll help you to get ready and start out with productivity first thing in the morning.

horn_of_plenty on 02/01/2019:
you can make your own 4 agreements keychain...or something similar....and keep it with you!!!!!! maybe just take a photo or use the lines as your phone background? or on the monitor of your computer. :) i might actually do this, at work. yeah, 4 agreements i think is my new monitor background at work :)

legcramps on 02/01/2019:
Your Mom has cancer? I'm so sorry to hear this, hugs.

Donkey on 02/02/2019:
I hope the social worker helps. They can be an invaluable resource. (((hugs)))

happy-1 - Thursday Jan 31, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar/cholesterol.)
Weight: 216.3

222.3... In the right direction.

Last several days have been about survival mode. I have literally done everything I physically could and have not stopped moving from when my eyes open in the morning till I lay down at night.

I couldn't tell you what I ate... Except that this morning I threw out half a bag of cheap $1 cookies because I couldn't stop eating them. I thought that they'd be good enough to just have a couple with coffee, but they were terrible AND I couldn't stop eating them. But they would make me fat, sick, and nearly dead... so out they went. 

I also ate a single slice peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a lean cuisine, and an orange... some chicken and some hummus. Mom kept down some mashed potatoes and gingerale pretty well. That's hopeful... My dog also ate a lot. My dad isn't feeling well at all. He barely ate.

So tired. I lost my car keys yesterday and couldn't find them to save my life all day long. I left them on the windshield yesterday. I must have looked at them 20x and not seen them.

On a brighter note. I think I found my boots... For under $80 and size 16" calf which means just enough space to go over jeans. It's an online order from Nordstrom Rack, but the Born brand ones I tried on seemed good quality and with any luck, they won't have cheaped out on the heel cups... And I actually get them. I went through checkout and then they weren't listed anymore on the site! Like an apparition that might have disappeared as quickly as they came.

And not a moment too soon, because my current boots have broken shanks on both soles and aren't worth repairing. Fingers crossed.

Order Item Product Image

I need to find a Valentine's Day treat for my guy... Not sure what to get him... He's got a great signature fragrance, already has jewelry, likes fine tobacco (yuck)... But somehow does not have a swimsuit or anything for fun and adventures... I got him a windbreaker for Christmas... Maybe board shorts in a tall size?


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/31/2019:
I will write more, but, isn't it too warm by you to want to invest in any more boots!?!?

happy-1 on 02/01/2019:
Everyone needs 1 pair of boots and I am super self conscious about my calves because I have a bunch of big red scars on them from spider bites a few years ago that haven't faded yet. It was bad... So I basically wear them with dresses all year long and over jeans in the winter.

horn_of_plenty on 01/31/2019:
it's sad that people actually make "bad" cookies..i have had some myself, too!

i hope your dad feels better soon.

lastly, i'm glad you found your keys...eventually you did :)

happy-1 on 02/01/2019:
Thanks. I'm buying new batteries for my key fob tracker tonight for sure.

horn_of_plenty on 02/01/2019:
GREAT idea! a tracker is always so helpful!

happy-1 - Saturday Jan 26, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar/cholesterol.)
Weight: 216.3

223.9 today. I totally expected it to be higher considering how much I have been eating. This is manageable. I can get on top of this.

As in the 4 Agreements, I did my best today. All I humanly could. I just need to get up and do the same tomorrow.

My splurges today were some $1 bullet journal stencils, a new frying pan, plunger, dog deodorant, and some cookies for my dad.

The day planner worked out well.  I need to print out some stuff to make it work but it’s exactly the right shape and weight. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/27/2019:
I enjoyed the 4 agreements too...although i always forget what they are even though you reminded me once before :)

I'd never heard of dog deodorant!

Nice job getting back into the swing of things, weight on bar, managing things in your life! WELL DONE!

happy-1 on 01/31/2019:
I forget too. I thought about getting a keychain, but they don't make them!

Donkey on 01/27/2019:
Dog deodorant - LOL!

I'm glad you weighed in, even if maybe it wasn't quite the number you had hoped for - although it sounds like you're not displeased, as it could have been worse. IDK I think accountability to oneself is important in life - not just weight-loss, but especially in weight loss.

I browse these keto support groups on Facebook, and the ones that really get me are the people who start talking about "Is it OK to cheat?" WT*???

happy-1 on 01/27/2019:
Lol. She’s getting a little stinky in her old age and mom’s nose is super sensitive. I wanted to give her something safe to spray my dog with so she doesn’t spray her with febreeze

happy-1 - Friday Jan 25, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar/cholesterol.)
Weight: 216.3

Having an "I need to fix my life" shopping control moment. Like buying tools/things will give me new superpowers so that I can be more effective and get closer to my goals... LOL.

Here is what I should buy to support my fitness/self care push:

  • Supplements
  • Yoga classes
  • Before/after pic app

Here are the items burning a hole in my brain:

  • Backpack for running around with
  • Black boots
  • Black belt bag
  • Bee necklace
  • Summer sandals
  • Shorts

Shake it off! At least I ate oatmeal and 2 cups of broccoli today.


Took mom for a haircut, dinner, and craft store run. Everyone needed the morale boost.


Update: I bought my supplements and a day planner today. I am putting out my clothes, oatmeal and coffee for tomorrow... One foot in front of the other. I can pull myself together. I know I can.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/25/2019:
Fiber is your friend :)

If weight loss was something you could study for, I'd be so thin, the numbers on the scale would be negative.

happy-1 on 01/26/2019:
Ha... Right????

happy-1 on 01/26/2019:
At least I only spent $ on supplements and things I legitimately needed today... Although I bought a zipper repair kit that was $16.73!!! For some zipper parts? OMG.

Donkey on 01/26/2019:
Reading this again, I kind of wish I could have afforded to "buy" my weight loss with some kind of surgery. I'll talk about this more in my own diary, but just sayin'...

happy-1 on 01/26/2019:
noooooooo... it’s a miserable experience and you never really feel good ever again

Horn_of_plenty on 01/26/2019:
yum to oatmeal and coffee...!

i am also "fixing my life today!" ...getting a much needed new cell phone bc my current one constantly freezes on me and cannot even update anymore! so, i'll be getting a purchase plan for financing a new phone today!!! woohoo!

happy-1 on 01/31/2019:
Hugs. Look for refurbished ones. Cheaper overall.

happy-1 - Tuesday Jan 22, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar/cholesterol.)
Weight: 216.3

Stayed mostly on plan yesterday but also was out with my guy. Easy to be on track with him so far. He will eat pretty much anything put in front of him, including kale. A giant walking appetite.

At lunch I took him to my favorite burger joint. He was kind of so so about the burger... he didn’t like the bun. I was astounded that he thought the burger was only ok... it is awesome. But then again, I get the lettuce wrap. Well not lately... I’m working on my cholesterol. I had a chicken spinach salad. And a bunch of his sweet potato fries. The rest of the day we had stuff out of my cooler. I had packed hummus, a feta/olive deli salad (small splurge), carrots, oranges, peaches, almonds, and pita chips. I just filled my lunch bag at Aldi’s and stuck it in the fridge the night before. I haven’t been rigorous about meal prepping... Too exhausted. I was still pretty surprised that he polished off the deli salad, hummus, and chips in one sitting. Walking appetite. I also had thrown in my jetboil and camping mess for making fresh coffee at the archery range. He was underwhelmed. I kind of expected more praise for my picnic prowess to be honest.

B: (4am, up too early) 2 eggs, jack cheese, olive oil, uncured sausage, leftover blueberry protein pancake, coffee, half n half
S: Another leftover protein pancake
L: Chicken spinach salad
S: Hummus, pita chips, carrots, peach, some feta/ olive salad
Tons of water

Today was a little harder to stay on plan. Too many processed foods and simple carbs.

It was a doctor day and I was driving. I woke up at the same time my parents did which meant no time for me to get myself in order before the Circus started. I just grabbed a PBJ and coffee... which was super processed with a lot of added sugar. I had packed a cooler with seltzer, oranges, hummus and carrots, plus I had some granola bars in my bag for my parents... So I had one of the trail mix bars. Somewhat unprocessed but it had rice syrup for added sugar. Lunch was more on plan because I refused to stop at the hospital snack bar or for fast food on the way back. Not exactly a hostage situation, but close. I had already set up dinner and made that up... Chicken breasts, smaller sweet potatoes, and spinach. They ate that without complaint, mostly to make me happy. Then I got a small break before it was time to take them grocery shopping. I realized I could make dinner easier for myself by boiling water, then turning off the heat to let the noodles absorb water while we were out. When I got home, I just had to dump extra water, mix with casserole stuff and bake. The egg noodles definitely are not on plan... but this is a family favorite comfort food... and I think we definitely needed the comfort. Mom bought ice cream bars at the store and I had ONE. All the added, processed sugar was definitely not on plan. Then when I made up the rest of the casserole, I ended up with a late night serving. I think the Lunesta lowers my resistance to snacking even if it helps me sleep.

B: PBJ on Dave's White Bread
S: Trail mix bar
L: Chicken, sweet potato, ton of spinach, butter, bbq sauce
S: Orange
D: Noodle/cottage cheese casserole, ton of broccoli, salt, pepper, seltzer
S: Klondike ice cream bar
S: Extra serving of casserole, then a 1/2 PBJ. bad bad.
Not enough water.

Grocery store we went to was weird on pricing and on inventory. Food4Less? Should be called Packaged Poison for Less. They had super high prices on broccoli and spinach, but market prices on meat/fruit, then lower prices on anything packaged. But not great for a diet high in fruits and veggies... If I ate all the veggies that are on my plan I would need about 140 cups of spinach, kale, and broccoli a week to make enough for me and my mom. I can't even process how many bags I would need to buy... Or how to store them without the fridge ruining them... If you fill it it freezes the eggs and produce. I was freezing water bottles and then tossing the broccoli and spinach in a cooler and cycling out the water bottles every day but it got to be too much work and waste if I forgot to do it for a day. UGH. I wish I bought a second fridge when I moved in.

Anyway, super frustrated with myself for not buying greens when we were at the store. I did at least buy popcorn kernels... not more processed microwave popcorn... a bunch of fruit... some lara bars...

UGH. I guess it is another round of groceries at Costco tomorrow when I pick up my prescriptions. Bless my guy for getting a Costco cash card for me so I can get stuff there while I wait for another membership deal. Broccoli, spinach, vanilla orgain protein powder. Why does it feel so weird to buy green veggies in bulk, even though I know I will eat them, and buying them in bulk makes mee feel more like eating them? It goes against how my parents buy and eat... 50 Lean Cuisines and maybe a tomato. My cart is very different since I started working with the nutritionist.

Did my best today for mom at the doctor’s. She says she'd like to try smoothies... This is my pick to try for tomorrow: https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/2-minute-green-smoothie/

Guess I will stock up on frozen fruit too... that's a smoothie staple. I haven't done that because I don't want to waste a whole serving of fruit in a blender... no chance to chew anything.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

graindart on 01/23/2019:
Love my cancer-causing processed microwave popcorn with the fake yellow dye, fake butter flavor, and tons of sodium!

I hear you on the fresh produce storage in the fridge. To get a decent price, I need to buy bulk sizes. But it's too easy for something to get ruined (freezing, too much water, too dried out, etc).

Good to see you posting again.

happy-1 on 01/23/2019:
Hugs! Good to be posting again. Clears the cobwebs from my brain to make me effective.

horn_of_plenty on 01/23/2019:
even though you weren't rigorous about the food planning, you found some easy to pack snacks so that's great!

good idea to make a noodle casserole using cottage cheese! yum!!!!!!!!!

yum to smoothies! it's good to make them with the ice so that it takes up some of the volume but no calories :)

happy-1 on 01/23/2019:
yeah I won’t call it kugel... it would be an insult... but my dad didn’t notice the difference

Donkey on 01/23/2019:
I'm quite impressed with your picnic skills :) So glad you're posting again!

happy-1 on 01/26/2019:
Hugs! I am glad I am posting again too. It kept me on track financially and dietary... although I caved tonight and had granola bars from my stash for my parents.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jan 16, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar/cholesterol.)
Weight: 216.3

 I've been absent and not commenting... I apologize. 

Getting back on track for January after some hard news about my mom's health. It makes getting myself into the best shape possible important than ever. I'll get into it later... Right now it is oxygen mask on myself first. Logging here to clarify my habits and goals for 2019... It helps to "think out loud" (and thank you for being here for me to come back to).

In 2018, I crossed the 100lb loss mark... But it was the outcome of health and lifestyle changes that are much more beneficial. I opened myself up to meditation and spirituality, gave up my fear of doctors and made strides on my health, gave up anxiety and sadness and learned to focus on the "now", relieved terrible neck pain, made some new friends, and started a new relationship that fills a giant void I've been carrying with me. I started down the path to mastering ADHD. I became consistent with exercise and dog walks. I achieved a regular, consistent sleep pattern. I learned to plan and prepare healthier foods so that I can be healthier overall. I "gave up" a lot of comfort foods and emotional eating. I "unlearned" that I deserve a treat for _____. I actually deserve better than a treat. I deserve something that really makes me feel good.

Last week, I started making realistic to do lists for the day / next day and completing them. I am saving the post-its so I can frame them. I even have the frame.

I've come a million miles from where I started.

Health goals for 2019:

  1. Lower cholesterol by 11 points.
  2. Always know my fasting blood sugar for the day.
  3. Get to my goal weight of 165.
  4. Limit my intake of processed/packaged foods to less than 20% of my overall intake.
  5. Improve my gum health.
  6. Improve the rash on my hands and ankles for better skin health.
  7. Improve my adult onset acne and rosacea for better skin health.

 Let's all kick some ass this year.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

graindart on 01/16/2019:
Glad someone has a list and determination to work towards completing it.

Seems like my list lately is:

1. Don't screw up all the hard work you've completed by regressing back to your old ways.

happy-1 on 01/20/2019:
Ha! Right? I'll prep myself for the week and then start my next "graindart streak", lol.

Donkey on 01/16/2019:
Welcome back - good to hear from you again :) Great list of goals!

happy-1 on 01/20/2019:
Thank you! I've missed you guys.

horn_of_plenty on 01/17/2019:
Wow your goals are very specific and concrete ! I don't know my fasting blood sugar - you motivate me to maybe start delving into it!!

happy-1 on 01/20/2019:
Yeah, worth watching. I'm trying to make things specific and measurable so I don't feel like I am "losing ground"

happy-1 - Wednesday Jan 02, 2019
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 216.3

No weigh in today, forgot.

A little stressed so I deleted the kickboxing instructor’s digital trail this morning so I don’t text or call and say/do anything dumb. A little frustrated because I can’t delete his number from google voice. Nothing bad happened, nobody had a fight... he’s just in a dark place, and although he texts every day, he’s all jumpy, restless, irritable, and I feel like an intrusion/imposition/jerk everytime I interact with him. The flip happened about a week before Christmas and it was kind of expected because he’s told me multiple times he has a really hard time with the holidays. Only makes it slightly easier to go through... I called Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve since he was texting me (I was dog sitting and had had it set up for a couple of months and didn’t invite him because I only just met him) and it’s the weirdest feeling to talk to him. He has a hard time with depression during the holidays and it knocked me into “save the relationship “ mode which does the opposite so it’s better just to leave it alone and go on about my life without him, unless he makes an effort to be in it. I literally cannot do anything to fix it... just give it up to God and focus on other things. 

Currently sitting in my car across the street from my house under a tree. The Circus is in full swing today because my dad wants to go to Ralph’s and the post office and my mom won’t budge to take him. I woke up late at 8:30 am today and it is screwing me up because it is 11:15 and I am only now ready to go out and face the day... I got 1.5h of my parents drama while I ate, showered, cleaned the kitchen and washed dishes. My dad wants me to take him out. I am on a single-minded track to go to Starbucks and apply to 5 jobs. Nothing else matters. But I still feel bad for saying no.

Breathe. In. Out. Breathe.


Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!

legcramps on 01/02/2019:
I had a relationship like that, where we texted more than we actually talked face-to-face or over the phone. We literally talked on the phone like twice during our entire relationship, and that was only because I was driving in a snowstorm and freaking out about it!

I'd be interested to know why you feel like an intrusion when you interact with him? Is it something he is saying or doing that is making you feel that way, or are you over-thinking it?

Depression is tough, nevermind during the holidays. It's a good idea to give him some space to get through it. Hugs.

happy-1 on 01/02/2019:
His flip happened about a week before christmas when Waze failed to send the text that let him know I was on my way, so he just got my “here” text. I’d also just plain forgotten to do the same thing once. That combined with a few times where he texted me good morning about 9am and I didn’t get back to him till I took a break about 3pm. He basically took it as I didn’t really care about him anymore... And he said we don’t really talk anymore. We talked it through, figured out that Waze hadn’t sent it... just a bug. I explained that I mostly get up at 5am and then am out for the day. Sometimes I turn off my phone to avoid distractions while I am working on my app, or I am doing chores and away from my phone. I thought we were good. Following date for a movie he was jumpy and restless and I felt super awkward and unwelcome in his life... he’s just a little short with his words and answers all of a sudden. When I call he just says small talk platitudes and feel like the call was an intrusion.

horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2019:
sorry about kickboxing guy...but he's also a smoker right? so, i think it wasn't a "match made in heaven...."...i'm sorry if that was not a nice enough comment. but, he doesn't seem to be "exactly your type" so there will be another man :)

Donkey on 01/02/2019:
You gotta do what's right for you.

happy-1 - Monday Dec 31, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 216.3


Size 10/M. Calves are 15.75... .25 from being able to buy real boots!

Will comment on everyone’s logs and catchup... but wanted to wish everyone a happy new year. 

  • I start the online bootcamp challenge again on the 1st. My neck is a lot better 
  • Still technically dating the kickboxing instructor and we will see what the new year will bring 
  • I am chugging along on my app. Did some basic UI work. Still needs user testing... Meh. Currently working on data conditioning and hygiene prior to breaking ground
  • I need to rebuild all my habits after being off track for 2 months 

Can’t sleep... 3am... have to leave for dog sitting tomorrow 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!

graindart on 12/31/2018:
New year, new commitment to reaching whatever goals are important to you.

Donkey on 01/01/2019:
Happy New Year Happy! Dog-sitting is a wonderful way to start the new year :)

Horn_of_plenty on 01/01/2019:
Happy New Year to you too, Ms. Happy!!

Nice job on being a size 10! You did 100% great this year. Always getting back on track and eating healthier than when you started! nicely done!

Lots of positive things you mention that are in the works for this year. and i feel you on not sleeping. i've been off and on too. !!!

innerpeace on 01/07/2019:
Where are you? I hope you are ok.

happy-1 - Monday Dec 17, 2018
(Change everything every minute. All things thru C)
Weight: 216.3

Back on the horse after a 3 day food and tv marathon.   I just stayed up too late on fri night because my clock was pointing in the other direction and my outdoor timer was nudged to “off”... probably my mom while I was dog sitting. In any case... I got off track for three days and spent today making a checklist for my week so that everyday I can just check things off and give myself credit for the things I do pull off.

Kickboxing instructor wants to see me again on thursday. At least something is going my way. I swear the feeling of someone else being “there “ and liking me helped me get my mending done, struggle my dad’s enormous 1980s printer into the car, sort clothes for donations and storage, and otherwise kick myself in the butt to get back on track instead of losing a week to a sleep disruption- triggered self pity cycle. Need to do the things that will help me deserve him.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 10.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/18/2018:
The question is, Do YOU want to see Mr. Kickboxer on Thursday?

graindart on 12/18/2018:
First day back after a binge-fest is always the most difficult for me. In the back of my mind I keep telling myself I should just go off the rails again for one more day and start new tomorrow...... Of course, that's how I've always gained back all my lost weight in the past.

So get back on the horse and get a string of successful days going.

horn_of_plenty on 12/18/2018:
Happy to see you are back in the game! and i like Donkey's question!

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