224.5

Was good on calories all day yesterday but then blew it at night with too many peanuts. I bought 5 jars on sale and I can’t seem to control my portion sizes. As soon as a bottle is open... It is the whole thing, down the hatch and all careful eating blown. Stupid. I just can’t stop. I had to stop buying trail mix for the same reason. I can only buy what I am going to consume on a trip and then send the rest home with someone else. I guess peanuts are in the same category. I even bought unsalted, dry roasted so that they would be less “moresys”. Nope. Down the hatch. I wasn’t even that hungry. I guess the Lunesta relaxes me and then I snack.

Last night I tried that routine app and successfully did all my habits for the first time. It was kind of a lot of work and i was exhausted after. Proud of myself. Despite 0 caffeine yesterday I had a hard time getting to sleep and I ended up oversleeping this morning. It’s 9AM and too hot already to walk my ancient dog to the park. At least for me anyway. I’m going to wait till the afternoon and ask my mom to be ready with the car in case it’s too much for her and we need a ride home. I’ll still try the morning routine though and just take those habits out.

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Just realized that I have a camping trip coming up at the end of September! Something to look forward to!!! Glad I kept my camping stuff organized

223.7

Woke up this morning with 9h of sleep under my belt, no neck pain, but strangely depressed and lots of hopeless waking thoughts. Not a great way to start the day. The difference between before my neck adjusted and today is that I could sit up, slap myself, and go make oatmeal and wait for my meds to kick in so I can focus and get started. Super glad to have this site/group to come to, read logs, and contribute to someone else’s happiness even a little bit. Makes me feel more “worthwhile “ and get a positive mindset going.

So today... I will make my first order of business to go get a real cup of coffee somewhere and pull my brain together. I will buy a storage clipboard for my to do list. I will get some lettuce and cilantro for taco bowls. I will do a Costco run to get meds. I will walk my dog to the park and try doing yoga there. I will come home and make ground turkey tacos for dinner. I will put on my favorite Lucky Brand goal jeans and maybe even buy some new goal jeans.

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And incidentally I will include that I learned from my nutritionist that a snack of string cheese, apple, peanuts and almond butter that is over target calories is better than a protein bar that is fewer calories because over the course of the week my calories will likely even out and I’ll feel more full and eat less overall... because they were whole, unprocessed foods and my brain will register as having really eaten.

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Aaand a brand new top in 0X I bought in May no longer fits. I must have lost A LOT of backfat because the neckline is well below my bra. Had to come home and change to a smaller top.

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Trying a new app for habits tonight. Morning Routine is a habit tracker that lets you enter your habits as “routines”, the time to start and then the time to do each habit. When you are ready to start your routine you turn it on and follow the audio prompts. When you complete it you mark it complete and then it records the time it took you to do it. I set up my bedtime routine tonight and morning routine for tomorrow. Basically I’m hoping to automate task transitions because that’s where I get stuck and lose track of time and then end up in bed at midnight.

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Ross run while running errands. Replaced my fancy pink yoga slides with basic black adidas pool slides from Ross marked down from $39 to $9! Ended up splurging on a new coffee mug to make drinking coffee while walking my dog easier in the morning. It is insulated, big enough to fit a shaker ball and a lot of water, intant coffee, protein powder, and ice. It also has a screw on/shake without spilling lid.... And a handle! Here’s hoping it gets me through my morning routine faster. It is a very “sexy” product in that it feels right in your hand and appealing to drink from... like whatever is in it will automatically be more delicious. Kind of like finding a perfect beer mug.

225.4, but I got out my tape measure today and it says I have dropped 2% bodyfat in the last 6 weeks... but it doesn’t take into account all the measurements... I’ve lost a BUNCH of inches since last measurements... 1.25 inches of underarm wing fat (less flapping when I say goodbye), 2.5 inches of back fat (no unseemly bulging above and below my bras forcing me into giant car cover plus size bras), .5 inch off my waist... but it overall looks better there, 1.5 inches off my butt, and a whole inch off each of my calves!!! Really excited about this because I feel like Popeye when I look at them and they are the reason I can’t buy rugged quality black boots, just fashion quality. So basically I am burning fat, toning up, but not dropping weight. Also, my Lucky Brand goal jeans are now the only jeans that fit, and I can wear them with a tight-fitting tank top now!!!!

Slow progress is still progress.

Also, really feeling the difference in my neck today. I woke up without pain or numbness. My dad tried to fight with me and I kept calm and said his reaction was out of scale and we both needed to count to 10 (I had finished his laundry because he fell asleep and he flipped out... I do this all the time and usually he appreciates it but today it felt like I was controlling him).

Blah! Still a little thrown off. I’m hungry and I need coffee, bad. Logging here resettles my brain. It’s Thursday and time to take my dog out for the K9 meetup, complicated by the intermittent peeing issue. Time to buy a diaper I guess.

No weigh in today. Was kind of a spaz this morning because I slept wrong. I will have to buy some more foam pillows. They are hard like a shelf.

Wish legcramps was still posting... I have decided to buy a bike trainer used so that I can do cardio and practice riding in clips at home. I saw a couple used at play it again sports yesterday for $70 but i don’t know what I am doing with them and I know quality is important for stability.

No weigh in this morning. I am a lump of human. Couldn't sleep at all last night. Fitbit says I got to sleep about 2:30 and woke up on time at 6AM... But my brain didn't kic in till 11AM. I don't think Starbucks via packets have enough caffeine in them. AUGH.

Discovery 1: My dog loves unsalted, dry roasted peanuts as much as I do. Easy way to get calories into my old pup!!!!

Discovery 2: CBD oil for dogs is useless on sore muscles topically applied. I'm not sure there is anything in this bottle.

Discovery 3: There is a super-hot plus model on the H&M site now!!!!  Why yes... You can be a plus size, normal boobs, and still be hot!!!! Also I don't think her hair and makeup takes an hour every day... She looks like she just got out of the gym and is ready to take on her workday! http://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0678224001.html

224.7

Today I have OT and yoga. Did not get as much done this weekend as I wanted to. But today is a new day and I will try again. Since Friday, I moved my bed and personal stuff into the spare room and created a workspace in the living room. I set up my old art desk and got the file cabinet in place. I also pre-treated the carpets with nature’s miracle, which needs a couple of weeks to do its job before I can use soap on the carpets. I made several dinners, washed dishes x6 sink full, took my mom grocery shopping/errand shopping, and repaired odds and ends. I booked yoga classes for m, w, and su. I ordered a couple of things to get me out looking good and most importantly, feeling good (I just can’t deal with the sensory element of too big clothes). I restarted my Rise membership and logged all my meals to the nutritionist. I incorporated her feedback to several of my meals. I flaked on a date, watched too much Netflix, got into a snafu with puppet dude, and went into and came out of a “bummed cycle “. I did not walk my dog enough or take her on an adventure, so I am glad I have the k9 happy hour this thursday to make me accountable to get her out to a park. Tuesday I will treat myself to a $5 movie at the AMC as a reward for pushing through anxiety this weekend and getting at least 1 action done per day to move forward.

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OT says to limit my to do list to 3-5 things in addition to habits and that most adults take an hour to get dressed and ready in the morning. That is staggering. I don’t know how I would have done anything in my life if I planned to take an hour just to dress and eat. She said that yes, chronic pain can lead to a constant sense of doom... Constant pain =‘s a constant stress signal to the brain and irritability and conflict reinforces it... but I need to see a neck specialist to determine what is wrong with my neck and what can be done to make me more consistently free of pain. Anyway I have a list of things to focus on, and I need to devlelop more realistic expectations to reduce anxiety.

Didn’t get everything done yesterday I wanted. Mostly because I took my mom to 3 stores which I hadn’t planned on and gave myself a headache that laid me out at 6pm on. Should have just gone to sleep then, but got hooked on Iron Fist S2 on Netflix and then couldn’t sleep till 3am. Life lessons. At least I got up at 9ish and didn’t sleep so long I won’t sleep tonight. Just back on the horse. Day 1. Ugh.

Also, my DIY ear piercing isn’t healing and my ear swelled up last night so off to the Minute Clinic for bumps, bruises, and general home idiocy.

So that list from yesterday is still in progress. I may not be losing fat but I am losing inches. Had to buy a new pair of yoga pants in size M-Tall, a smaller belt, and a smaller bra. Bless Old Navy and their tall sizes. Bless H&M for their Swedish bras that fit the ridiculously tall, fat, flat-chested women of America and have long enough bra straps. My size 14 jeans are falling down and I may need to order size 12s soon... but I want good ones!!!! So that will be a clearance item. Wish Lucky Brand made tall sizes.

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No fast food pact with puppet dude went terribly wrong. The pact was to not eat anything from a drive thru or fast food restaurant for 1 week. I passed on pizza, tacos, everything this week and made healthy versions at home. He went to Farmer Boys yesterday and confessed to breaking our pact. First one to break has to do a truth or dare... So I said 1/4 tsp pepper sauce, down the hatch. I really didn’t think it was that bad (I put that on my eggs) but he said I was mean. I told him not to do it then... no big deal... but it turned into a thing because he said he was honor-bound to show me that he can do something he said he would do. I said don’t do it because it’s not any fun any more and if you do it now it will just make me sad. I asked what he would have dared me to do and he said to go on another date with him. I said why dare me to do a date? We were already going to do that. A dare to go on a date makes it super awkward. What’s the point of dating a man-boy standup comedian who makes puppets if you can’t do stupid stuff together? I don’t want to be grown up and serious all the time. Sometimes I just want to be stupid and have some fun.

224.7

Was on-plan yesterday but gained a lb back. It may take a couple of weeks to get down past 221 again. Grrrr. Neck was fine but talking to that OKC dude on the phone wore me out emotionally and I was too tired to do anything. Stayed in last night and used a digital scale to pack oatmeal and snacks for the week... like they were dime bags in a movie.

Puppet dude had a bad low blood sugar episode after his run and I slept 12h and missed his call so he went home and to drive Uber. Why do I feel so out of it when I sleep a long time? I went to.bed at 9 last night... I should have naturally woken up about 5AM. My dad caught me still sleeping at 8am but I didn’t really move till 9AM.

Plan for today is to keep taking advantage of productivity streak.

1. Do some basics for functionality while working on getting furniture up on foam to clean the rugs. It’s hard because everything has another project in front of it... To put a bookcase up on blocks, I need to take the books out and list them on ebay, put the bookcase on the blocks, then put them back in.

2. Wait for the temp to go down and take my dog to the park and do a yoga video there. Just my dog, my phone and my yoga mat.

3. Buy and pack my supplements for the month.

4. Book classpass classes for the week.

5. Work on OT homework and notes.

6. Make more doggie dinners and our dinner.

I kind of run out of gas at 8pm these days... so 11 AM now... I can do this.

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Also, I incorporated a cesar salad into pizza night for my parents and served that with boneless wings first before putting out the pizza. I wasn’t doing salads for them because my dad won’t eat dark leafy greens and iceberg has no nutritional value on top of which dressing adds fat and calories . Nutritionist says use salad anyway because it will trigger stretch receptors to feel full. I also served plain grapes for dessert. It definitely helped my dad feel like he had a full meal... but probably because I made up the whole bag of boneless wings. Still better than cracking open a second pizza, even if it was ultra thin crust.

223.7. Still up from my low but working on it. Fell off my new “trying” streak last night into a bag of fair trade dark chocolate buttons... like M and Ms, but not killing the planet while stuffing my face. They are only in recipe-sized bags and I was going to make single servings but they didn’t make it all the way home. So starting over on Day 1 again. I gave myself this week off from workouts to do chores at home while my neck is still “working” and have managed to move the easy chairs out of my old bedroom and my bed into their place. I can’t remember the last time I was able to move something like a leather recliner on my own... let alone a bed. Kind of on par with the shock level a couple of weeks ago when I was able to put all my weight on my hands and walk my feet up to the top of the yoga mat... I totally am just astonished and shocked. Still a lot of work to be able to sleep in there but I hope to be off the couch and in my bed by the end of next week.

Currently celebrating at my favorite diner where I ordered a single cheeseburger lettuce wrap (instead of my former double per instructions from nutritionist on Rise) and an order of sweet potato fries with ranch (half of which I put in a tupperware container brought specifically for that purpose to cut calories without creating trash). Tiny changes.

Friday night. Have a date off OKC for froyo. Between now and then I am hitting the 99cent store for some white cloths to wash down all the walls... maybe the grocery store. No plans for the weekend other than church Sunday and Classpass yoga. I’m poking around the app store trying to find a meal plan, coach, and workouts all in one. I tried 8fit but it was buggy. Probably just a bad release so I’ll try it again in a couple of months. Maybe I’ll try the DDP yoga app at the park with my dog. I bought 2 Gaiam yoga blocks at Marshalls this week... A frugal buy at $4.99 each!

So weird and foreign to me to think “OK I will do this task now” and then just do it like I used to. Like a week now. I know I have a crazy high pain tolerance, but I can’t believe one tiny little “pop” at my skull joint makes such a difference. Had to reschedule OT appointment this morning so I didn’t get to ask her today if that was enough of something wrong to have made everything so hard. I had some neck pain after I moved my bed frame before I warmed up, freaked out, and rescheduled for Monday.

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Talked to OKC dude on the phone... augh sounds sooo... exhausting. He’s also a musician... which means constant noise and partying. Puppet dude is running a 5K down by me so I will meet up with him tomorrow instead.

Restarted my Rise subscription yesterday... had on plan eating all day. Went to bed early. Got up early. Still on plan and it's 3:50pm... AND I made a meal plan / grocery list for the week WITH MY MOM'S INPUT that got a stamp of approval from the nutritionist with the suggestion that I throw in some cauliflower rice to bulk up the meals.

I also put pen to paper for the meal planning app idea I had. I have been struggling with how to get people to pay for it... and I think I am gaining on that. Now I am taking a brain break. I will go on to tackle my to do list... that is perfectly organized with my post it system. Then I will go to yoga... because my clothes are ready and my mat is washed.

One small neck joint stood between me and productivity. Now I just need to strengthen my neck so it doesn't slip back.

Oh, and some micro-gifts for my mom... CBD oil and a pair of bluetooth headphones. I've had peace since yesterday. She's even been pleasant. It's astonishing.

Hammering out the kinks one day at a time.

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Ran my app idea past puppet dude. He thinks it is amazing and people would fork out cash for it as a no-brainer. At least that's good first positive reaction.