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happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 14, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

More bad eating, but got back on track at 2nd breakfast.

High anxiety day.  Stayed on course though... Just went home, told my dad I was stressed and needed some time to myself. Set a timer for 30 min. Cleaned my room and set up my desk for success. Still felt stressed, so I set another timer. Now I am logging here and updating my to do list.

And hot kickboxing boyfriend sent me a pic of his butt... tastefully done with clothes on. So framing that.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 08/15/2019:
Cute - butt pic!

happy-1 on 08/17/2019:
It was

Donkey on 08/15/2019:
Anxiety sucks. I like the timer idea. I'm going to try that.

One of my FB friends shared a meme that says, "Your anxiety is lying to you."

Lol on the butt picture! I can appreciate that (grin)...

happy-1 on 08/17/2019:
I’m really liking Alexa. I like flopping over in a mess and saying “Alexa set a timer for 30 min.”

legcramps on 08/15/2019:
I'm glad you carved some time out for yourself. You know you didn't need to do anything with that time, right? Literally you can just stare at a wall for 30 minutes if that's what will calm you down and get you through the rest of the day :)

Hugs. Love the butt pic!

happy-1 on 08/17/2019:
If you say it is ok to lay there and do nothing for 30 min, that sounds great. I can only pull that off at a motel. Everywhere I look I see something I need to do. I stared at a wall this morning and ended up washing it.

BearCountryGG on 08/15/2019:
WE all need time to ourselves sometimes...especially when we are caregivers. I'm sure that when your Dad was raising you...he had his alone time.

happy-1 on 08/17/2019:
He spends most of his time alone. He’s an odd bird.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/15/2019:
i love a nice booty photo when it's clothed. that's nice. ;)

also, good job staying on track and pacing yourself.

happy-1 on 08/17/2019:
So rarely does a guy send a “good taste” anatomy pic... even more rarely one worth framing... Like 3x5 size on a vanity, behind the perfume bottles position for sure... not over the couch... but still worth framing.

happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 13, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

One foot in front of the other. Made it to yoga on Sunday. Tonight I get off from parent care and will pay bills and sort out receipts. I'm so overwhelmed by the house it is too mentally parallyzing to really accomplish anything cognitive. I can do household chores, surf the web, straighten out my calendar, but anything that requires focus... I need to be out of the house.
Having a lot of problems with late night eating. Last night I ate 2 cupcakes, 10 corn tortillas, shredded cheese. Partially because dad ate lunch late and so he wasn't hungry so I didn't make dinner... And ended up eating junk instead. I need more ready-to-eat healthy meals packed for myself.
Feel like I am waking up from a haze and everything is a mess. Starting with putting myself back together. Getting a haircut this weekend... Finally happy with my hair color. Bought a couple of clothing items to be presentable in for summer heat... I still need to lose 50lbs so I don't want to buy a lot. Nothing major, just so that I can go to bereavement groups and church stuff in hot weather without looking like a hot mess. A lipstick, 1 casual tank, 1 dressup tank, 1 skirt, 1 cardigan, 1 belt. Debating a dress, but I think it is covered with the skirt.I feel like I already bought too much with the 3 pairs of workout capris and 5 sports bra tanks I bought to be presentable while doing hospice chores for my mom when the home health folks came over.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 08/13/2019:
Good you went to yoga.

My biggest challenge is avoiding snacking at night, especially watching tv.

happy-1 on 08/13/2019:
I get too hungry at night to sleep

Donkey on 08/13/2019:
Oh I meant to comment on your last entry about signing up at the la-dee-dah gym for yoga classes. Isn't it NICE to be at a swanky gym? Nothing wrong with the bare basics, but it's just very nice to get pampered - even it's just by the atmosphere alone.

Oh late night eating is so hard! That is how I gained the weight 2nd-to-last time. I'm not sure I have a solution. I still struggle with it daily - yes, DAILY. (Or should I say, "nightly"?)

On the other hand, I did it because at that time, it was the only thing that would help me feel momentarily better about anything. I was truly despondent during this time, and if I wasn't sleeping or wanting to jump in front of a moving train, to find some solace in late night food while watching comforting TV shows -- well, better to do that than drive myself to the train station.

happy-1 on 08/19/2019:
I’m there with you on both. Trying to redefine emotional eating as the healthiest thing on the menu even if it is more expensive. Then I see oreos for $1

Maria7 on 08/14/2019:
Good that you are taking care of yourself, getting some nice clothes, etc. One foot in front of the other...Take care.

happy-1 on 08/19/2019:
Hugs. Get up. Dress up. Show up. Never give up.

Donkey on 08/14/2019:
^^^Maria is right! Take care of yourself in a healthy way.

happy-1 on 08/19/2019:
Mirror mirror on the wall, I’ll always get up after I fall. Whether I run, walk, or have to crawl, I’ll set my goals and achieve them all.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/14/2019:
like you, i focus wayyyy better working OUT of my house. totally understand! (except i do exercise now at home - but it's interrupted with chores and other household tasks which is how i prefer it, actually!)....but other stuff, i do better in public places - especially studying.

you have a lot of emotions going on and it sounds like you are doing pretty darn well despite it all. keep your head up, smile, and know you are capable always. keep on happy. we are rooting for you!

happy-1 on 08/20/2019:
who doesn’t have a lot of emotions going on? nobody I know :)

Hugs, ty for rooting for me. I’ rooting for you too.

happy-1 - Sunday Aug 11, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

226. Glad I posted my last low weight here. It helps bring me back to the world.

Getting back on track after a loss I am not ready to talk about yet, and may not be for a while. Trying to just focus on health and fitness to go off the rails. Last week I got back to clean eating. This week I am trying to build on it by getting moving again.


  • I made my first meal plan on my new menu wipe off board and started putting up single serving meals for my dad so I can keep his tempting junk out of the house.
  • Today I booked a yoga class at a swanky gym on ClassPass, then I will go to church later.
  • Trying the 5pm service because it’s just too hard to deal with that many people before I have attacked my day... But I have to rejoin the world. I wish I was someone who liked large groups of people and small talk. It is something I tough out in order to meet one or two people I like.


  • I still can’t find my fitbit, but I may not be able to until I move furniture around.
  • Gabapentin is making me overeat, but I need yoga to kick in and reduce nerve pain before I can quit it.
  • Dad is jonesing for junk food and we are getting into huge fights when I try to go to bed and then I am up till 2am. He’s also not respecting the closed door rule for not knocking or waking me up... so I’m exhausted. We are headed to a support group tomorrow and hopefully that will help
  • Boyfriend is acting weird. I feel like I am waiting to get dumped but I can’t tell if that is real or just in my head. We tried to have a fun weekend last week and it didn’t go well

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/11/2019:
Good to see you back but sorry about your loss.

happy-1 on 08/20/2019:
Thank you. Hugs.

Donkey on 08/11/2019:
Glad you are back -- I'm sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

I too wish that I were more extroverted. An extrovert once told me that she loves a large group, the more the better. !!cringe!!

Junk food is like a drug -- maybe it's all the chemicals in it (not just sugar, because salty snacks are just as bad), but if I allowed myself some, I'd go right off the deep end). [Insert photo of car driving off a coastal cliff]

happy-1 on 08/20/2019:
If you offered me time with a large group or a dip in battery acid, I’d have to take the amount of battery acid into my decision.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/12/2019:
I am very sorry to hear of your loss, Happy.

It is good to have you back here :) I also am NOT an extrovert. I also prefer 1-2 people, so you aren't alone.

would you ever just dump boyfriend before he even tries to dump you? or perhaps my comment is not very well thought out!?

happy-1 on 08/20/2019:
Thank you.

What if we all hung out, but we all prefer 1-2 people... would we have to have a multi room setup?

happy-1 on 08/20/2019:
I’m not making any major decisions till after Nov 1... and that’s a major decision. There’s also something to be said for just taking a deep breath and seeing what happens if you let something have space.

legcramps on 08/12/2019:
So sorry about your loss, I hope you are managing okay. It's good to hear from you.

innerpeace on 08/12/2019:
Prayers for you for strength and courage and patience. I'm glad you posted and are well despite everything else.

Maria7 on 08/13/2019:
Praying for you and your Dad. Hugs to you.

happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 17, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

219 a couple of days ago... Before DBC (Dad's birthday cake).

Back on the horse. One foot in front of the other. Dad's birthday cake has been consumed. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/18/2019:
Been there, done that. I know exactly from where you post (figuratively speaking).

Today is a new day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/18/2019:
I am quite sure that cake tasted SO GOOD as you tasted it...after that, like you say, back on the horse!

i'm always disappointed with baked goods and treats with sugar. they taste great, yes, but then i just get a sugar high and then low and never satisfied. i always find it wasn't worth it! unless i'm just taking a taste or like a bite, that's always worth it! but a whole piece or slice, just seems a waste of my calories because it is only satisfying me in the moment and then i just deal with later cravings and more issues later after having it! (my whole spiel on cake!)

happy-1 - Friday Jul 12, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Finally got out to a doctor today but had problems with the caregiver agency... the caregiver bailed for her own emergency. Nobody let me know. They were alone for 7h. 

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/12/2019:
I'm glad nothing happened during those 7hours! I still can't believe nobody notified you :(.

Donkey on 07/12/2019:
That is inexcusable. AWFUL.

BearCountryGG on 07/12/2019:
Unbelieveable...if you can't rely on the agency then who can you rely on???? Somebody needs to get into trouble for that one!! Emergencies happen to everyone...but they are supposed to be reliable enough to call the agency and the agency should have called you if they couldn't find someone to take that place.

happy-1 - Monday Jul 01, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Like water on stone I have been plugging away at all my problems and I am incrementally making progress: 

  1. This morning my fasting blood sugar was finally under 125. This is a huge success. It drops to in range after meals and moving around, but that 3am sugar spike has been an issue. I give credit to the cat and lowered stress levels.
  2. I got the screw out of the cabinet so that I can move the cat box to the bathroom. 

One foot in front of the other.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/01/2019:
So you have been able to measure your blood sugar like you were saying you wanted to! good progress and exellent results, Miss Happy!

You can only move forward at your pace and keep progressing. Sometimes there's a backward motion, but lucky for you your progress with positivity and success has been good for you ! love to hear that!

Donkey on 07/02/2019:
These small victories have big payoffs, don't they? Keep going!

Donkey on 07/02/2019:
Male Coworker has type 2, and so he monitors his blood sugar. Keto has helped him, but my point is that having a monitor really helps show where you're at.

legcramps on 07/02/2019:
Fantastic success on your blood sugar levels!

legcramps on 07/02/2019:
and kudos to the cat :)

BearCountryGG on 07/02/2019:
Your 125 is right where D always seems to be on metformin.......if it can get lower all the better.

happy-1 - Sunday Jun 30, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

While I did not really get a day off yesterday, at least I bought a new bra and a tank top that are exactly what I needed. I feel so much more human. A fresh box of hair dye would also help... and getting back on top of my skin care.

Kitty had a bad night last night. He used up his litterbox, but still had to poop so he tore up a baseboard in the bathroom and took an enormous poop on the shreds. No more free range kitty until I figure out why. We are completely out of cat food and there was enough for 4 more days... so I think the caregiver gave him extra food (because he is a bottomless pit and constantly asks). Oops. Poor kitty. He's a good boy and couldn't help it. At least he picked the bathroom.

Got to get that screw out today so he can have a second box.

And so that I can do yoga at home.

Fitness. Weight loss.

Gotta happen.


Neck pain all day. Can't think. Brain stuck on bad hair color... Why???

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 06/30/2019:
I keep dry food out all of the time for Sampson....and he eats about half a can a day also.

happy-1 on 06/30/2019:
Aaaaaaaw sweet kitty.

I had him on Abound because it wasn't cans, but it just goes straight through him.

He needs about $1k in dental work before he can eat dry food. Trying him on just cat treats sweet potatoes and chicken thighs this week to see if I can get his tummy under control. Immodium is also an option.

happy-1 on 06/30/2019:
He wasn't eating the chicken/sweet potato last week so I started the Abound but it doesn't fill him up... and that's how I ended up with a kitty disaster last night.

BearCountryGG on 06/30/2019:
Have you tried plain canned pumpkin? At least it sounds like he wants to use the litter box......we once had a cat with chronic diahhrea...and had to give him back to the friends we got him from...so he could just live outside at their farm again. But....with your cat...his tooth issues may just be an infection problem and it will all clear up. Poor little thing. I also think you could give him kids pedialite to prevent dehydration.

happy-1 on 06/30/2019:
That's a good idea. I don't have any on hand but will pick some up. I'm so mentally exhausted / neck pain / abcess wiped I can't think it through. I bought him probiotics at the vet and completely forgot about them.

happy-1 on 06/30/2019:
Augh I also bought him some kind of refrigerated med I not only forgot to put in the refrigerator, I also forgot to give him... guess that's a good thing!

Donkey on 07/01/2019:
It's recommended to have 1 more box than the number of kitties one has. So another box would be a good idea anyway.

Maria7 on 07/01/2019:
Hoping you are having a good day today. I bet your hair color looks nice.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/01/2019:
Cheers to a fresh box of hairdye! I"m thinking to buy my first box this week while at lunch one of these 3 workdays. i want it at home so i can use it whenever i choose to and not be hunting for it when i feel i gotta dye my hair but know it's in my closet waiting for me.

do you have tips on hair dye - i have dark brown - should i look to go a little shade lighter or what? what's some things you can pass on from your hair dying experience to make it look most natural? and do you like to go darker in the winter?

innerpeace on 07/01/2019:
I love kittens/cats and all things furry. I did NOT like litter box duty. Good luck, I hope you get his food worked out. I had one cat that refused to poop in the littler box, it could be clean and nothing dirty in it and he insisted on pooping on the floor. I had to pick it up each day. Crazy thing!

happy-1 - Saturday Jun 29, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

One foot in front of the other.

Yesterday was supposed to be a night off with the caregiver here last night and this morning. Didn't work out that way. I got anxious because there wasn't going to be anyone there overnight and they are both on oxygen, so I came home early... and it was a good thing I did, Things weren't good... mom hadn't had meds or eaten, diapers hadn't been taken out... I think she has poor vision. I used to feel fine as long as someone checked on them, but I don't think they can handle that anymore. Dad really hates the caregiver. I told him to call them and ask for someone else. It is his contract. He doesn't want to. He just wants to complain. I told him I'd look to engage another agency once one of the bedrooms is cleaned out so he has someplace to hang out. I don't think he will be any happier with someone else till he has a place to escape to.

When I am unhappy and I don't know what to do about it, I clean. So I cleaned a lot. Bedroom is looking better. Put WD40 on the stuck screw. Fingers crossed I can get the cat box out and reclaim my yoga space.


Kitty's new personalized, black and silver reflective kitty collar arrived today. He was pretty happy about it and braved my dog to come hang out with me. He's got a matching 6' leash and harness for the full-on adventure kitty look. I'm super looking forward to returning the $30 one I bought at petco. It's not colorfast and he's teal wherever it touched his white fur. And my clothes. And the rug.



Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/30/2019:
Wow, so the caregiver didn't do anything??? What the heck??? I can only imagine the feelings: upset, frustration, exhaustion, sadness...

My cats could never get the hang of a harness. Stinky and Merlin would just flop on their sides and refuse to move. Mindy was the only one to have the slightest idea of what it was for, but she still didn't really like it much. However, there are cats that get it and love it!

happy-1 on 06/30/2019:
Yeah... She also apparently badmouths me to the visiting nurses when I'm not here. I think I need to get a different agency in to switch unless I want to make a real enemy in life.

He's an awesome cat. Also, I just realized his collar matches his kitty carry sling/bag... He's stylin'.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/01/2019:
Good you checked on parents. Good you are doing so much at home to keep things under control.

I'd like to say that some people get cranky with old age and perhaps NO caregiver would make your dad happy? or is this one just not the best?

happy-1 - Friday Jun 28, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Trying to make health a priority.

  1. Yesterday, my new yoga bolsters arrived so I moved stuff around so I get more space for yoga... Heavy and NOT easy.
  2. I ate a real meal with carbs at bedtime and avoided toast/cereal/ice cream binges.
  3. I did ALL the dishes before I went to bed so I could cook in the AM when I am fresh. 
  4. I showered and went out for 2h and got some daylight. I hadn't been out since Saturday because I wasn't feeling well, plus it's hard to leave my dad alone to care for my mom.
  5. I booked my tooth extraction and a cargiver to cover me while I am gone.

Settled on buying the cheaper tickets for boyfriend which with service fees were $55. Perfectly reasonable birthday present for anyone in my life. I don't need to spend extra if I don't feel comfortable in the relationship. I'm starting to feel like I'm a "convenient" girlfriend, not the woman he's in love with. I don't like that.

Moving the bed (into the spot where my dog's bed was) to make space for yoga has resulted in a leaky dog (uninary incontinence) who demands to be in my bed at all times. I think it's that she wants a view of the door. The upside is that she won't pee in my yoga space..  just my bed. Augh. The laundry and work this is going to take... I have diapers for her but she can't go out to the patio with them on. My dad can't take them off, and lets her in/out and into my room whenever she wants. A lot of people put their dogs down when they reach the leaky stage, but she still cuddles, goes for walks and eats.

We had the best cuddle with the cat this morning... all 3 of us. I think even my dog purred. I had a sweatshirt on to pad the cat and he kneaded on my neck. It felt amazing. I would have paid for that.

Looking for the stripped screw kit for the bathroom door. I must get the kitty box in there so he has a bathroom even if I close my bedroom door.

Focus for today is on getting food cooked and myself ready to go to Molly's tonight to use the jacuzzi and have a girls night in. 

Focus for the weekend is getting the middle bedroom setup so that my dad can sleep in there and get a break when I'm awake and here. I'd offered him my bedroom to nap in, but with all the drama here I can't give up my spot to retreat to. He sleeps sitting up so I can just pop the recliner in there and make more space for the wheelchair. I think.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 06/28/2019:
Our last house dog leaked in her old age too........I kept the carpet cleaner busy for sure....and after she passed away...I threw it away.....that thing had paid for itself after all that. She passed away laying out in the sun on a beautiful summers day.....such a sweetheart.

happy-1 on 06/29/2019:
Aaaaaaaaw... You've got a good heart.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/01/2019:
i was given a huge, heavy, but WONDERFUL workout mat. it cost supposedly $100 and it was given to me FREE! (i think i need to give the person a $25 gift card as it's a boyfriend of my coworker!). like you, i'm trying to "soup up" my workout areas at home even more!

good job having some food for a real meal instead of a binge. if i were you, my skin would be also thanking me - whenever i overdose on sugar i do break out on my face. my skin is very sensitive in general to my diet.

great job on cleaning up and booking your appts. you are really doing well, since you have rejoined us here after a few weeks away if i remember correctly :)

i'm glad you bought the cheaper tickets! it's the same concert as the more expensive tickets. you'll see the same stuff. hear the same things...i always go cheaper when i can (unless i were rich! haha!)

now that you have a cat, maybe think about the scenario with the dog...due to her getting older.

You are a true animal lover :)

You sound amazingly focused and in control. Proud of you and i love that you come here for support! thank you for the tips on my laptop!.

happy-1 - Thursday Jun 27, 2019
(Slow Carb + Yoga. Track fasting sugar.)
Weight: 216.3

Extra post for today because I think it is worth it. I’m off my habits with all the hospice/dental  stuff and my neck really hurts to the point where I’d ask for pain killers. I sighed and groaned while trying to get it together to go get milk. Dad asked what was wrong. I said I was feeling down. He offered me one of his frozen breakfast sandwiches... processed and simple carbs with sodium. Poison, basically. I got really sad and thought, this is why he’s sick. He always feels down and eats when he’s down. 

Got out to the store and stopped next door for sides of hummus and broccoli. Shake it off.

Need to book an appointment with an OT. Actually makes me feel better.

Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 06/27/2019:
Mental exhaustion does make you feel tired. Just try to get extra rest when you can.

happy-1 on 06/29/2019:
TY. I've got to get habits back on track for sure.

Donkey on 06/28/2019:
What Maria said: 100%!

happy-1 on 06/29/2019:
Hugs. You would know!!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/01/2019:
good job thinking and looking forward and what your plans are and ways to feel better. i liked reading you are picking up some broccoli :) now i understand why you aren't going out to yoga.

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