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happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 07, 2018
(I can do all things through C, Track time and food)
Weight: 221.4

Happy Tuesday! Day 2 of changing absolutely everything, 1 step at a time. Tracking my time here because it is key to losing weight... and getting a job. As such... I am updating my drrent diet... so my "time" is on a diet as well as my food and exercise.

Today's criteria for success:

  • Eat 250 cal less than I burn
  • Apply for 5 jobs
  • Handle 2 items of personal business
  • Get mom out for a movie and an excursion
  • Restock household supply of bottled water

8AM

Overslept because I got to bed late. Hit snooze over and over for 2h. Breakfast is the last 2 gogurt tubes and 1 serving paleo granola.

9AM 

Brain still on sleep meds. A little groggy from having the sleep stuff too late last night. It takes about 9 hours to get out of my system. Shooting to be functional by 10am. Also Fitbit needs a charge so I will wait to do the patio till it is done. With weird calorie count yesterday, if Fitbit doesn't count it, I am sitting still.

Low brain tasks only... Going through grocery sales on mygrocerydeals.com and making a list.

9:30 - figure out that I can't because the new ads aren't up till tomorrow. DUH. I guess if they end on Tuesday they don't post the new ones till the next day. UGH.

Decided to work on Costco Price book. Takes an insane amount of time to enter all the prices I wrote down!!!! Definitely an app idea in here.

10:45AM

Made healthy chili cheese fries for me and dad. Took longer because dad got excited and haunted me in the 1.5 butt kitchen and he is 323 lbs so he is 2 butts by himself and I and 223 lbs and 1.5 butts by myself. Like having 4 people in the kitchen.

11:30AM

Listened to the 21 day meditation challenge tape from Innerpeace's challenge. I dunno that I feel the peace and calm. Also looked up "home meditation spaces" on google to see what I need to setup out there.

11:50AM

Brain worked enough to figure out Anytrans... so yes maybe it helped. It will copy your content from your phone to your laptop but it will not delete photos from your iphone. You have to manually delete them. $40. Alternate option for $60 is to buy a flash drive that connects to your iphone. You can store videos and music on that... 

12PM

Aaaaaw... Molly wants to go to a Depeche Mode tribute band at the OC Fair. It feels nice to be included.

I told her I need to check my calendar first. I really need to check the prices first. Looks like $12 for a ticket and $10 for parking... Plus figure $20 for food between a beer and a burger... $10 for gas... So like $55 or so... To probably not have any fun or meet any guys... because we never get hit on (because we look like a old lesbian couple and I'm the dude).

Best coupon is half price admission on Groupon? So $49...

Errrrr... 

12:40PM

Lunch. Kellogs crustless quiche, 2 cups broccoli. Single serving packet of trail mix

Trying to get my head together about what I need to do but it is getting too hot to think. Need to wash my dog to keep her cool and fresh. I'll start there.

1PM

Sitting down to do personal business tasks. Having a hard time getting my brain to focus. Trying Innerpeace's meditation tape again and making another vision board "Tasks" to puzzle out all the steps I need to do to get some stuff done. I know what they are but meditative... Settle the butterflies so they go and do that thing.

Mostly I am thinking about how much I want a double cheeseburger lettuce wrap but it is not time yet to do that

As the tape says "I am my ideal body".

1:30PM

Made dad lunch... A turkey burger with jack cheese and guac, fries, pickle. I just had the burger, some guac and thousand island. Change everything, one step at a time.

2:30PM

Can't think still. Desperate for a whole gallon of mocha fudge ice cream. Having stevia lemonade and gum instead. Neck, elbow, wrist, and ankle hurt. Sudden invasion of flies because I took meat out to thaw and although it was sealed the outside smelled and they were there. Must be a window that needs tape. Took care of flies and vacumed. Dumped all my personal stuff out on the floor. Dog is fighting me for floor space. Floor hog! Having advil and a nap.

4:30PM

Had a double chocolate lenny and larry's protein cookie. Sorting through to do items by priority. Making stacks to attack.

5PM

Mom ultimately bailed on seeing a movie or going to the tap room brewery... But canceling plans on me got he past her procrastination so... success?

I missed the window to run errands and just left the house for 2h. Closest destination was the drugstore for necessities. Thought of Bearcountry and bought a digital timer. Change everything one step at the time.

Over the next 5 hours I tried attacking the patio but it was too daunting. It's just such an ugly sad mix of clutter and crap right now. Then I talked to the puppeteer off okc. Talked to molly. Made fro yo pops. Rearranged my bag again. Took sleep meds on time. Spaced out 2h. Want to bed 9:30

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/07/2018:
Just commented on yesterdays...LOL


Donkey on 08/08/2018:
I love your daily recaps! You've mentioned a couple of things here that I want to talk about in my own diary, but just wanted to let you know that I hear she you're coming from.

Try not to get too discouraged over the patio. I was watching this gardening show last night, showing how sometimes you have to do a total deconstruction before you can begin to build again. That your patio is chaos shows that you're well on your way to success!

happy-1 on 08/08/2018:
Yeah it mostly looks like ghetto concrete and a pile of junk... but that will change.



happy-1 - Monday Aug 06, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Monday! Unlimited potential for a new week! 

Here is where my time today went. I

8am

Attacked patio... It is a horror show and I want to boost mom's morale by making it a nice place for her to sit. Cleaned it yesterday. Today I pulled out supplies and arranged containers.

10am

Kitchen... made giant batch of turkey chili and cleaned. 

12:30

Showered/hair/nails/

1pm 

Just had lunch and I am still "snacky" and restless hungry. Nutritionist says that I am supposed to log what's going on with me when I binge or am about to. Breakfast was coffee, protein bar, and a gogurt. Snack was a lean cuisine and 3 cups of broccoli. Lunch was 2 gogurts and a 1/3 cup of paleo granola. Tearing into a 4 serving bag of salted peanuts. Can't tell if I am hungry, thirsty, lonely, or emotional or just tireed of having my neck hurt.

---

Realized I only got 4h sleep. Tried a nap.

---

2:30pm 

Woke up from nap with random anxiety spike. No other stimulus other than being too hot. Plan is to do a mail run and go to the cafe next door for free wifi and a spot to work. Stuck to it even though brain fray said "go to 99 cent store". Feels good to do something I planned to do at the time I planned to do it. Changing everything one step at a time. Stuck to plan and ordered water, a single cheeseburger lettuce wrap, and swapped the fries for broccoli. Waitress brought the burger with the bun... but got the broccoli right. I took a bite of the bun. Realized I have no willpower to not eat the bun...and took the bun off my plate, stuck it in the creamer bowl and put it on the wait station for the waitress. Got some odd looks for that. I said "I am really really trying". The other waitress was nice and said "My daughter is really trying too. She gets the lettuce wrap also."

Original plan was to do computer work here, but the new waitress was really frustrating and I just wanted out. 

Went to market for balance of "2h outside the house" per OT instructions. Just got enough for tonight's dinner. Costco run later this week.

---

5PM

Extreme heat today. Hit the wall, physically and can't keep going. Took a break to log here and work on vision board for patio. Goal is to only spend like $50 over the next couple of months on potting soil and just use containers from the house to start seeds. Drill holes in the bottom, etc. To make it an attractive place to sit, I'll have to layer in some kind of art on the walls while the plants grow. Maybe throw another $30 at a box of air plant babies off Etsy for wall art.

Mom bought tons of gardening stuff about 10 years ago and never set anything up. Except for art, all I really need is dirt.

---

6:20 PM

Made dinner and ate with parents. Trying to boost mom's morale so I made healthy chinese takeout food. Used rotisserie chicken for a chinese stir fry over ramen noodles and egg rolls. I had like 1/4 packet of ramen and filled in the rest with bean sprouts.

Also packed all the chili for tomorrow and put it away and did another round of dishes. 

I HAVE MADE PHENOMENAL TURKEY CHILI!!!!!

---

7:40 PM

It is cool enough out to think now. I should really walk my dog, but I should accomplish one personal task.

---

Got distracted by a dude on JustOKcupid. He is a puppeteer and sounds nice. He also recently got into decent shape and "normal" range. He likes running and wants to try camping. Could be fun.

Decided that my 1 personal task for tonight is to solve the mystery of getting data off my iphone 6 so I can get it to work as more than just a phone. The 00s called and they want their crappy Blackberries back. Found a tool called Anytrans that promises to help you sync data across multiple phones, laptops, storage accounts, etc. Genius. Will have to check it out when I am awake in the AM.

---

9:10 PM

Walked dog. Fed dog. Pet dog. Good dog.

Ate leftover stir fry

Another shower. Another Gogurt.

Tried to figure out calorie count on cronometer. Not sure how... but I ate SO MUCH and am still in my target calorie deficit. I shoot for -250 a day, roughly.

---

10:50 PM 

Took sleep meds. Should have taken them at 8:30 but a dude distracted me. With puppets!

 

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/06/2018:
LOVE the patio idea!!!!!!!

You did very well today. Be proud of your accomplishments today!

happy-1 on 08/07/2018:
TY. I did get one personal task done. That is an achievement!


Horn_of_plenty on 08/06/2018:
No - i grew up in a middle class suburb and no i wasn't around the rich, snobby, movie-star kids at all. I was talking to a coworker the other day who questioned me or said something about name-brands and i can tell you that where i grew up, NOBODY even thought twice to NOT consider name brands - we didn't care about brands or names or $$$. Where i grew up, you could be very fashionable and yes people were, but it wasn't about what BRAND or how expensive your stuff was because it's something most kids couldn't do. parents just weren't putting that kinda money out and nobody cared bc you could get a lot of the same things for less...i didn't grow up in NYC / Manhattan so i didn't see wealth on the daily at all. the only time i have ever seen it is now, when i'm working in NYC very often i see women working around wearing such nice clothes and i always say to myself, how can they afford to wear that stuff everyday!?


Horn_of_plenty on 08/06/2018:
what movie will you see? i saw one that wasn't that great i don't recommend - called The Spy Who Dumped Me. it just wasn't so great! After an hour, i checked the time. luckily the second hour went faster.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
OMG that was the one I was planning to see... I love Mila Kunis.


Horn_of_plenty on 08/06/2018:
i see your lunch of gogurts and granola - i wouldn't feel full either...very high calorie dense stuff and sugary with low fiber...but sometimes that is just what you want :) why do you feel lonely? i feel like you were just hanging out quite a bit?

and now i read the next sentence...you are TIRED. i get that way, too, when i'm tired. very snacky.

funny thing to do with the bun...whatever works :)


Donkey on 08/07/2018:
If we're talking about food choices. I agree with Horn that Go Gurts aren't the best choice... although they are a nice substitute for ice cream if you freeze them.

So frustrating to read about the new waitress. Good for you for handling that bun!

The puppet guy sounds interesting...


horn_of_plenty on 08/07/2018:
it's not a GREAT movie. it's ok though, not the worst.!


BearCountryGG on 08/07/2018:
I saved your patio plans to my pics and blew them up to see the details....I LOVE IT!!! I really like the pink buckets....nice color for a garden...it looks so cozy, secluded and inviting.........I'm sure you will have a lot of fun putting that together....kind of like a ZEN garden!!!

happy-1 on 08/07/2018:
If you right-click on images on DD and open in a new tab you can see them without saving :-)

Thanks! I am hoping to get my 2h of daylight per OT instructions.

My mom would probably like a Zen garden. She claims to be a Buddhist now.



happy-1 - Sunday Aug 05, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

My dog has been peaceful at my feet all day so I can tell she can tell I am bummed. No texts from prince charming today. I texted him thank you yesterday. Haven't heard from him since his polite reply back last night. I can't tell if I am rejecting myself on his behalf so he doesn't have to reject me... or if I actually got rejected. It is a fine line between being realistic and creating a negative energy that creates the situation you are trying to avoid... so I am putting that energy here and walking away from it. Instead I will just go back to work on my vision board and focus on all the things I do want in my life.

It took me forever to fall asleep last night so I just got out of bed, did a chore, then tried to go back to bed. Repeated until about 3am... so 7h. I think Took my fitbit off so I could stop obsessing about sleep. No idea what time I woke up. 8? I actually haven't had enough calories yet today. I'd go out and eat something but I am better off waiting for church first and then heading with my dog to the brewery. So maybe I will solve both and settle myself by making turkey chili in the instant pot. My parents say no more ground turkey but I bought 4 flats on sale and I like it just fine.

Services tonight. Part of my vision board includes being part of the community that way. Maybe I should just go work on my vision board while the chili cooks. It's really helping me focus my wardrobe. I have a church outfit that is dressy and appropriate without a sweaty existential crisis and I know what to pack for dog sitting. I can even practice pack to make sure it all fits in 1 bag.

----

I must really be bummed today because it is almost 11 at night and my dog is still keeping me company. I never get this much attention from her. Or maybe it is a reward for scrubbing her patio with simple green. It was a little overdue.

I also made it to services today. I had no emotional connection to the sermon but I picked up a couple of thoughts for the week which is all that I ask.

Super restless tonight. Plus my neck aches. Can't focus.

It is going to be hot tomorrow. But i have an outfit set out, my box is packed to work on, I picked up the living room and kitchen, i putmeds and water by my bed and set my alarm. My yoga bag is ready. I can wake up and change everything one step at a time first thing tomorrow morning.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
I agree...obsessing about sleep prevents sleep.....relaxation promotes it.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Hugs!


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
Also forgot to mention that turkey upsets our stomachs a little...My mom was the same way.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
Yeah, I don't know why my mom not wanting to eat ground turkey bummed me out and knocked me off cooking consistently. It's like I just can't will myself to cook and I like cooking.


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
I also left you a message on your previous post.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
Aaaaw. Hugs.


Donkey on 08/06/2018:
I think pets can sense when something is troubling us. I truly believe that is why our one cat loves to sit on my husband's lap. I think she can sense his inflammation.

I hope that you are not feeling down because of the OKC guy. (((hugs)))

I love that you said this: "I can wake up and change everything one step at a time..." That is amazing.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
Only because it is so hard to find good conversations and I miss the companionship of a relationship. UDG is great to talk to, but I can't hang out with him without setting myself back. Ex is... weird. No fun to hang out with a guy for whom you aren't the girl he goes the extra mile for.



happy-1 - Sunday Aug 05, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Had a fun time this morning with OKC Prince Charming. I'll take bets on whether or not I hear from him again... I liked him a lot but I'm not sure he was into me. I think he enjoyed our conversation, is looking for someone like me (independent, age-appropriate, no kids, similar interests) but in a hotter (skinnier, bigger boobs, "higher maintenance" with the makeup and hair, more of a reformed dress-over-the-head party girl) to go with his rock and roll lifestyle. He showed up on a fancy Harley Davidson motorcycle with all the bling and tattoos to boot. His profile showed him mostly outdoors and with his dogs... laid back CA guy. I didn't expect him to be quite so status-conscious... He pays more attention to people, brands, styles and trends than I do. Still, he does massively go against type in some respects. We talked about future adventures, favorite trails, destinations, cooking, gardening, music, favorite shows on Netflix (more in common than I would have thought), astronomy... We even had the same coffee order. Regular, iced, with half and half. Honestly, even if he doesn't want to date me I'd still want to hang out.  He seemed to appreciate the brownies I brought.

And I thought I looked fantastic in my beach outfit. I have to get a photo of my dress. It is better than the one I posted... More tailoring and more flattering. I thought I had found a photo of it online but mine is much better. If I had to exist as a ghost wearing the same thing every day, this is the outfit I'd want to be wearing... Cold wouldn't bug me, right?

Next packing challenge is to get ready for dog-sitting weekend after next. One bag! I can do it.

Tomorrow I want to conquer adulting tasks and show up for church at 5pm. Grr. Get after it.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/05/2018:
Well, at least it was a positive experience. I'm not sure how to interpret the "status" focus he seems to have, except that I've been told that's "very LA" by other midwesterners who have visited. (LOL - not sure that's accurate, but I enjoy those types of stories, about how other folks live in different parts of the US or the world.)

Ooo, nice to hear you'll be dog-sitting again! I look forward to your recaps!!

Glad to hear you're gonna make church tonight. It's a good thing.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
There's something about LA that makes you feel like you are worthless if you don't fit central casting's archetypes. It turns into not being able to allow yourself to let people in who don't fit an archetype... LA is so liberal and out there... but it's kind of like a group of goth kids... they have a defined way to be goth and if you aren't goth enough you are out. I felt more comfortable, accepted, and at home in Ohio... dead center of the bible belt. It was ok to be female over 25, a size 12, interested in cars, mechanics, math science and computers but also cooking. I didn't have to have an elevator pitch to explain who I am in a digestible format to save them the time of actually getting to know me... It was enough to say hi and have a chat whenever you saw them.


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
I HAVE to ask...he has a motorcycle and a Rock and Roll lifestyle...but what does he do for a living?

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Repairs printers and office equipment as a day job. I suspect a past sideline that is probably less viable now that certain things are legal here... unless he has a loyal customer base that hasn't migrated. Odd thought... maybe he is using OKC as a lead pipeline?

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
If so I must have been a terrible disappointment. It's not really my thing, same as alcohol and cigars. All have their good points but they also all give me terrible migraines for a week... so it's just not an "oooh" moment for me. I also never craved vicodin or codeine. All the leftovers from my dental work are still there. I cannot imagine why food has such a hold over me where pot, booze, nicotine, opiod, and even my adhd meds never really took hold. I can't resist food but I'm only kind of meh about pot and booze. Not worth the effort... but I have to have dark chocolate. I go up the walls without it. Ironically I brought him brownies and he had his vape pen.


Horn_of_plenty on 08/05/2018:
heyyyy ! if you are so inclined, i'd love to see a photo of the clothes on YOU! unless you don't want to :) that's ok too obviously!

you have a fun life going on...so much dating and chilling with men...i love to read about it as i'm not into it for myself but it makes for enjoyable reading! :) go you!

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Sure. I just don't want to post that stuff here. It's either my identity or my real thoughts and feelings. If I post a photo of myself I am worried I will fall off logging here. I've tried a lot of things for weightloss and while I learn from them they are not as helpful as this site and the people here. Got a fitbit profile?


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
HAPPY!!!!!!! My heart aches for you every time I hear you put yourself down!!! There are LOTS OF WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT HAPPY!!!! You have a fantastic sense of humor....you are an individual who refuses to let others define who you are! You are a devoted pet owner who has kept your dog active and loved for many years past their predicted age. You take care of 2 parents who I' m sure are quite a challenge at times yet you persevere...you worry about them, care for them and work to keep them healthy as you possibly can...and I know you feel bad when you can't always do the things they would like to do. I just want you to know that I think you are pretty cool......and I think you should be proud of yourself and who you strive to be...you are not following the crowd..you know when the crowd disappears...those that follow are lost...it's the individuals that have the strength to really be themselves...that make it in life. Please cut yourself some slack and know that I think you are a very interesting lady, with a lot to offer the right guy.....maybe you just haven't found the right one yet...or maybe just maybe..HE will find YOU!!!!....but know...that I think you are a lot more interesting and special lady than you think you are...PLEASE...give yourself some credit....and just be you.....

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Aaaaaw... there is so much there my brain freezes up. I wasn't saying that I am worthless, rather that it is a social dynamic here in LA due to the crazy impact of mass migration of young people for Hollywood, music, video games and other image-based industries.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Aaaaaw... there is so much there my brain freezes up. I wasn't saying that I am worthless, rather that it is a social dynamic here in LA due to the crazy impact of mass migration of young people for Hollywood, music, video games and other image-based industries.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
I was trying to say that from our conversation I recognized in him that dynamic... that he is very conscious of how he packages himself and is unlikely to step outside his "box" to date a woman who isn't interested in putting money or time into fitting into an archetype... even if he finds her attractive and had fun.


Horn_of_plenty on 08/05/2018:
I agree with BCGG :) be proud of yourself and don't put yourself down like you are worthless bc you are NOT!

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
I think something got misinterpreted. I was saying that everyone who grows up here struggles with that dynamic. He grew up in my neighborhood and went to my high school 10 years before me... we literally grew up with all the film industry kids and their parents.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Film industry people are a little... special. It's a warped world view

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
You must encounter the same thing with all the people that move to NY to be actors



happy-1 - Friday Aug 03, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

225.9... Have to start tracking calories again. Asked Conometer if I can get a beta account to use their time stamping feature pre-release. So frustrating.

Found perfect location for the K9 meetup to do dog walks and beers 2x a month... a brewery taproom tucked away in an industrial area behind a grocery store and across from a park gate that eventually outputs to a neighborhood. We can meet across the street at the gate to the park, walk and socialize our dogs, then go back across the street for beers. We can bring a snack or order pizza since they don't serve dinner. If your dog isn't quite housebroken yet, you can bring a camp chair and sit outside, but no beers outside. Lots of parking. Mellow atmosphere. Good people.

Found this place while surveying spots with my camping friend and her dogs... which meant a super long walk... almost 20,000 steps. When I got home last night I was starving and really dug into the paleo granola after dinner. I was so hungry! My ancient dog held up for the walk but was out like a light on my bed as soon as we hit the door. I watched Netflix till my outdoor timer flipped it off. I passed out too. At some point my dog bailed on me to sleep by my dad. She's spending most of her time with him now. This defies logic because he doesn't feed her, walk her, buy her expensive CBD oil treats, take her places, let her sleep in his bed, etc. He mstly steps on her and yells at her and tells me to lock her in the bathroom.

While cleaning up yesterday I found a slightly too tight but otherwise serviceable straw hat WITH a lariat to keep it on in wind! My mom must have bought it because it is a medium (SHE did not get the giant feet, head, hands and height of our Norwegian ancestors), cheap, not packable, itchy, smells funny, and is hideous. And according to Ebay... still available for purchase if you would like a sensory nightmare of your very own. However... It does keep the sun off! For free! Just in time to go to the beach tomorrow. I feel like Cinderella... Why yes you CAN go to the ball! Bippity boppity boo!

Prince Charming is  a dude off JustOKcupid. 47, on the opposite side of town. Has 2 4x4 vehicles but does not go offroading (thbbbbbbt). No kids, 2 dogs (labs). Also an LA native, same height as me. We're meeting up at a bar by the beach about 9am. So far he is keeping it friendly but polite and I am massively looking forward to it.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/03/2018:
Hope your meetup/date goes well....and you have fun.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
I did have fun! Big hugs.


Donkey on 08/04/2018:
Ooo, I too hope goes well!!!

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
It was lots of fun. I looked great. If he doesn't pick me, well phooey on him.



happy-1 - Thursday Aug 02, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Fresh start to a new day. 

Yesterday I made some questionable food choices. Probably because I am a little discouraged... an extra couple of 100 cal frozen fudge bars, one of my dad's diet rootbeers with aspertame, too much seasoning in the turkey burgers, a bun with my burger, and a single serve pack of cakes I bought for my dad but he didn't want. I guess I need to find something new to give me hope. As the fortune cookie I got last week said... He who has hope has everything.

Trying to find a balance in tasks to decrease "overwhelm" and improve focus and attention. The OT had me structure my day into "zones" of type of work I should be doing based on wakeup time, food, meds, exercise, and environmental conditions... But I can't seem to get up and eat the frog because all I do is stare at the mess and piles of paper in the living room. So today I decided eating the frog was sorting out the boxes of paper. I sorted one. If I sort one a morning for a week, I can be through it all and ready to pull out more boxes.

Meeting up with my friend from camping to scope out a farmers market and some dog-friendly breweries today. Here is my outfit... gotta pack a backpack to carry my dog's water bowl and other items. I am still not 100% on the hat. I love the one from H and M, but it is not packable. The one from Columbia is kind of ugly but packable and already has holes for a lariat to keep it on your head. Everything else I already have... even if it is getting too big!

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/02/2018:
I like both hats.


Donkey on 08/03/2018:
My walking hat has a wide brim and a lariat to handle these Illinois prairie winds, even in the suburbs.



happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 01, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

In a parallel universe today. My dad has been nice to me for several days and gave me $60 towards dinners and gas for the month. Apparently having dinner on the table every night at 7 is doing him some good too. He is less cranky and sleeping more consistently.

My mom is down to 209 from 223 and in a major depression over going on insulin. She says it is her tummy and it is in too bad shape to go out because it's too sensitive. I hope that is what it is. She's trying to give up fake sugar like I did... but it's hard. She's stockpiled lots of treats with aspartame in them.

Season 10 of Heartland is on Netflix! They jumped the shark with Season 9 and the little orphan girl Georgie. I hope they bounce back.

Returning the boots today. So bummed. So much money for shoes that can't be repaired.

Have been a little discouraged last couple of days, despite having lost 2.8 lbs. Just a general malaise. A little lonely without my ex, UDG, or Molly to talk to.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/01/2018:
Maybe your Mom is eating too many sugarless things.......aspartmame can cause headaches...and other artificial sweeteners cause diahhrea (sp).....you really have to be careful with them.

happy-1 on 08/01/2018:
Yeah, I hope that's it. I hope she isn't a) seriously ill, or b) finally going all the way to shut in.


legcramps on 08/01/2018:
Good for your Dad! I hope Mom feels better about her situation soon, keep remembering how far she has come already!

What is UDG? And you are lonely without your ex? I think I might have missed some backstory here...

happy-1 on 08/01/2018:
UDG is Ugly Dating Guy, named for the site where I met him. I'm not lonely without my ex, I'm just lonely without people to talk to. If I keep talking to my ex, I won't meet anyone new and it's not fair to string him along (and I can't bring up that every time he asks me to come down all I can think about is not getting a valentine's day card... that's bitchy) and keep him on the line because I'm scared to be down a friend. UDG has kind of vaporized because I don't want to start a relationship with him if he is going to pull me off fitness goals... which justifiably hurts his feelings. He wants to go for long car drives, eat junk food, and go to all you can eat korean bbq "because it's low carb". Molly doesn't want to hang out anymore (see past posts).

For making new friends... My friend K from church comes with strings attached, although it isn't stated clearly... I have to go to 5pm Sun services, Fri night church events, and possibly pick up a Wed night bible study. None of which I am opposed to, except everyone there HUGS YOU HELLO and I hate it. They won't stop at a handshake, they pull you in for the hug. My friend I from camping is just busy with her family and getting ready to relocate and she hasn't picked where yet.


horn_of_plenty on 08/01/2018:
Is the Ugly Dating Site for Ugly Dating or for everyone? like, do people join it bc they feel they are ugly or to meet ugly people? my coworkers want to know?!

happy-1 on 08/01/2018:
The one I saw the video for wasn't the one I signed up for. I think someone floated a video as a market research project with a lead capture page then bumped people over to a catchall dating network. I can't recommend it.

happy-1 on 08/01/2018:
But the video I saw was amazing... Basically a guy sees an ok girl on Tinder and swipes left because she just looks normal and then a super hot girl and swipes right. He goes to pick up the super hot girl for a date, and her roommate is the normal one and answers the door and at first he thinks she's his date and he's stoked... then she leaves and he's stuck with the hot one and the hot one is doing crazy impossible stuff for her Instagram feed, is kind of a nightmare, and he's trapped. Then her purse falls open and her Chihuahua rolls out to the floor, possibly dead. Then the message was something like "It's not all about the photos. Date ugly." I guess it's a little off because the roommate was pretty, just not done up for a glamour shot but it was a UK video and horrifying/funny... Sucked me in.


legcramps on 08/01/2018:
Ah, i see. Making new friends is not easy, but holding on to old ones that don't do your life any good, is no bueno! Toss the people who don't make you a priority; it's not your role to constantly worry and fret about how they feel about you. We only live once, and it's not a terribly long time if you think about it, so let's do it with the best people around us, the ones who will lift us up rather than bring us down!

I have a friend who HATES hugs. I am a born-again hugger. If you hug someone for at least 30 seconds, serotonin is released from your body, and it makes you feel euphoric. Trust me. Try it. With someone who you are comfortable hugging, of course!

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
I like hugs but having to hug everyone at a church service is overwhelming. It also feels inauthentic and nobody hugs for 30 seconds. That would be awkward-er. It's mostly a black church, so must be cultural.

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
It's hard to not feel bad when a friend of 20+ years doesn't want to hang out together for their family party that their family invited you to.


Maria7 on 08/01/2018:
Congrats on your lower number.

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
Ty! Fighting for every ounce.


Donkey on 08/02/2018:
I get the hugs thing... maybe just bite the bullet and roll with it? It might be worth it for the companionship...

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
Yeah, that's the current plan. Grit my teeth and hug.


graindart on 08/02/2018:
https://www.redbubble.com/people/halfnote5/works/16992769-no-hugging-please-do-not-encircle-me-with-your-sweaty-meat-sticks?cat_context=u-tees&grid_pos=6&p=t-shirt&rbs=500c12a7-0b5a-418a-af44-024c298337c9&ref=shop_grid&style=mens&searchTerm=no%20hugging%20t-shirts&iaCode=u-tees

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
Hahaha!!! I can only imagine what would happen. If anything I'd get more hugs!


horn_of_plenty on 08/02/2018:
for thai food, i stick with entrees of veggies and protein that are in ginger, garlic or basil sauces. it comes with a little rice but it's not a rice dish or a noodle dish. i order the dishes that are based on veggies/meat that come with rice. not fried rice or noodle based dishes! i love the way thai places add a lot of veggies to their food!



happy-1 - Tuesday Jul 31, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

 Up and productive even though I woke up late at 8am. I actually got things done yesterday... Like 4. I am shocked.

Trying to decipher the mechanic's notes about repairs for my car... I can't actually match "fuel system" to any services online. I guess I have to go back in and ask them. UGH!!!! At least it will be a chance to get more dark chocolate from Ikea. I am out of chocolate... This is a terrible state to be in.

I did have the shocker today that a beach dress I purchased as a goal dress 3 years ago fits... almost well enough to wear out and about. I can't believe it. I thought at least another 20lbs. Makbe 4 or 5 more pounds till I can wear it like a normal tunic... right now it needs to go woth shorts or something on the bottom.

This is what I could have packed for the weekend to go down to my ex's. If I didn't want to bring a laptop and a hair dryer, this could have fit in 1 bag. Items in my H&M order that need to show up are the white tank top and straw hat... although I am kind of thinking twice about the hat.

 

I might do better with  this packable straw hat from Columbia.

 

What is slightly frustrating is that the floral shorts and the khakis are getting too big. The shorts are a 1x and hard to take in without screwing up the flowiness. The khakis are stretch and I'd have to buy a different sewing machine to do the right kind of seam for any durability, plus the pocets would be too small to put anything in. UGH!!! Black belt will fit for another couple of months, but once I hit a size 12 I will need new belts. PHOOEY.

---

Looked at Noom today to do instead of Rise.. but they ask you creepy questions like "Have you been on antibiotics in the last 2 years." Too personal.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/31/2018:
I like all of the clothes.....I do agree....packing a hat that is packable probably would be better,,,unless you have enough room for one that you shouldn't crush.

happy-1 on 07/31/2018:
I figure this is my time to get down to a minimalist capsule wardrobe so I spend less overall on replacing clothes as I drop sizes. The visual representation helps me "see" what I have. I'd love an all-cotton infiniti scarf but I don't know what would go with what I have and I already have scarves but they are useless!


Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2018:
try not to buy too many clothes at once...conserve your money is my personal suggestion...however it is soooo fun to buy new clothes that you enjoy the way they fit!

today i walked into Express on the way home to see about jeans bc they were having a sale. Buy 1, get 1 for $20. Well, the jeans are made well, yes, but for $80 for 1 pair and $20 for another meaning they are STILL $50 a pop, i put them back down and left the store. In no way is $50 a good price for jeans!

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
Yeah. Waiting for 2 more H and M packages and then returning anything that isn't perfect. I have clothes but nothing works together or can fit in one bag for a weekend... largely because all my plain items (black/white/red tshirts, tanks, and slacks) are worn out and only for chores/house/dog walks. When I did the visual inventory of my closet... everything is in the color/interest category and not the basics category. So far I am only keeping a black dressy tank, red linen tank and a white linen tee.



happy-1 - Monday Jul 30, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Restarting day. Overslept till 7 and took adhd meds late so my brain feels like a tub of pudding. Restarting and replanning...

Decided to make inquiries at church to see if there is anyone who works security and might accompany me for a few hours. Get unstuck. I have tons of empty file folders and need to get at them and buying them again is as much as paying someone to accompany me.

Weirdly the thing that is motivating me to be healthy today is a really big lady made an odd comment to me and I realized that I have been resting on my 95lb accomplishment and ignoring the 55lbs of "work" left to do to get to healthy and slacking on food and exercise because I feel so much better and just figure if I keep working on my habits everything will fall into place... but I've kind of let all my habits slide to match my parents again and I need to stop mucking around and rededicate myself to prioritizing health and sleep. Basically there is a lady who has some kind of disability and she's really huge. She liked my top and I said I got it at H and M. She said "Oh they have our size there?" I kind of paused for a moment thinking we're not the same size... I'm only a Lg/14... but then realized she was only making the distinction between tiny/fit and tall/overweight. I said yes online. I also felt small and mean for thinking that at all... but I am glad to snap back to reality however it happened.

---

Frustrated because the boots I splurged on finally came! And they fit! And they cheaped out on the large size special run for Nordstroms so even though it is a workboot line, these are no better made than Payless. The leather is good, the sole and the zippers are awesome... but they used cardboard for the heel cups rather than leather and that means you can't get the heel cups replaced... in waterproof leather boots that have a stretch gusset and are sure to get wet inside eventually. So mad!!!

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/30/2018:
When I can't get motivated to get something done...I set a timer for just a few minutes...like 5......I can do anything for 5 minutes......and I get to work....and keep repeating as long as necessary...and it's free.

happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Yeah, when I feel like this it's like my bike chain came off the gears and the wheels don't even spin to set the timer. The time diary is helping a lot. Gives me a better sense of time passing since everything feels like it's only been 5 min not 5 hours or 5 years


BearCountryGG on 07/30/2018:
I think I already mentioned this before...sorry if I'm repeating myself.

happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
It's a good reminder. I'll set a reminder to buy a timer to use as a reminder ;-)


horn_of_plenty on 07/30/2018:
yup it's easy to lose track but you've lost a lot of weight and it's ok if you stay at this new weight for awhile, as long as you don't gain. not gaining is progress in knowing what your body needs to sustain itself at the current weight. making some more changes (in diet, not exercise) will help you continue to lose. i said not exercise bc the majority of weightloss is based on diet. exercise is more for your muscles and heart.

happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Yeah, but I feel like my life would be so much better at 165lbs and I'd be able to be there more for my dog and parents. I miss planning out my meals and splurges ahead of time. I feel like the nutritionist on Rise has given me a lot of good pointers but overall I might need more structure. I'm also tired of the double-logging between cronometer and rise... I'd stick with the nutritionist but maybe not Rise.



happy-1 - Sunday Jul 29, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Ate a lot of junk food today and yesterday... laid around like a lazy loaf. Sloth and gluttony. So much to do but I always fall apart if I sleep late and I somehow slept 11 hours.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/30/2018:
Hope today works out better.

happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Hugs! Ty


horn_of_plenty on 07/30/2018:
maybe you were busy leading up to today...rest is important.

happy-1 on 07/30/2018:
Likely too much Sangria... Have discovered the best recipe for instant sangria using $3 chardonnay... 2-3 bottles of chardonnay, lemon juice, lime juice, gala apples, ginger ale. No overnight marinating needed but an hour standing does improve it.



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