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happy-1 - Thursday May 24, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

Classpass is offering free trials this week. I've been wanting to sign up but was shy because you can't see what businesses are in there in your area first! This is a way better option than 24 hour fitness. The yelp reviews for the one near me are scary... and it sounds like the bathrooms are gross all the time... not a good option to shower after. Planet Fitness did a better job cleaning up regularly but even they couldn't get all the hair off the shower curtains. Gag. Equinox did a great job but didn't offer evening hours till 11.

Hope! A dose of hope! And a shot at looking good in that swimwear I just bought. Also, looks like Lands End has tall size rashguards but no 1 piece paddle suits.

And I really need the hope. Haven't heard back on any of the interview tests I sent out and it's eating at me. And for some reason my mom trying to be nice to me and take me for food because she flipped out made me really low and unfocused. I ended up watching tv till 3 and looking at funny posts on Instagram while eating everything that wasn't nailed down (2 more rolls, a box of dark chocolate blueberries) until I could just pass out. Set my alarm and got up on time though so I can get to bed on time.

Intent for the day is to tackle homework for class.


Laid too much out on UDG today by text. He was bringing up the possibility of hooking up a bit and I shut it down last night because the very thought of him having a heart attack or stroke en flagrante terrifies me. But I felt bad about it today so I sent too many texts. "It has nothing to do with someone not being good enough or not being a match. We both have too much **** to work on right now to start anything. I need to get a job, my own place, and get my weight down below 180 to reduce my risk of a heart attack or stroke (that also means no hormonal birth control because the pill for women who are over 165 was raising my blood pressure so high I was sick. That's 65 lbs away) before I can date anyone. I'd love kids but my health is **** and my finances are **** and I am trapped with my crazy hoarder parents. I can't risk an accidental pregnancy and bring a kid into that. I shouldn't have been on the dating sites but I was lonely. I've got to get my head out of my ass over my ex. I was "prey" and how much I beat myself up over it everyday and how much my confidence in my ability to make good choices really affects my ability to interview well and makes me so sad I stay up late and eat my feelings... so I'm struggling to follow the challenge and doing things that aren't supporting that goal at the same time. The online therapist wasn't really effective for that... she just didn't really get the "chump" factor. DA helps get some things straight but isn't a good place to talk about that... I tried getting in touch with my ex... but I didn't get the answers I wanted and he wanted me to come to his boat so that didn't work out. I just don't know the next steps to unblock myself." There was more but that was the crux.

Too much. I hope he doesn't stop talking to me. I am running out of friends.

2pm. Took 5h to get my head together but there we go. Thank you DD for being the place to dump my chaos and get to productive.


Signed up for the class pass trial and booked a bunch of classes up where I will be dog sitting. This is really cool! I also downloaded a Food tracker app called Wholesome that tracks micronutrients. Not all of them though (caffeine), and not ingredients like sucralose


Part of a cup of coffee. Oatmeal

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/24/2018:
i basically cannot buy anything chocolate covered if it's more than one serving size. i tried in the Winter, and the same occurance happened to me as you with the choc blueberries. mine were dark choc pomegranates. they are made to want to make you inhale them and not feel full even after eating a whole bag full. i don't buy hardly anything, aside from chips, which are more than one serving per container in pure junk food. even tho blueberries and dark chocolate, i consider it junk because of the sweetness and what it does to the body - hard to stop eating once i start! :( i feel your pain.

get your hw done, lady!

bearcountrygg on 05/24/2018:
I agree with HOP...having the bigger containers around of trigger foods can be an issue for me too....I've tried buying the small bags by the case...and I just end up eating 2of them...that happened today...when I was missing salt and sugar.

Donkey on 05/24/2018:
I'm sorry, what does UDG stand for? G=Guy?

happy-1 on 05/24/2018:
Ugly Dating Guy (UDG) because I met him on the ugly dating app. We talk almost daily, but he's topping 400 lbs.

happy-1 - Wednesday May 23, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

Another slow start day, this time on purpose. I didn't feel well yesterday so I didn't set an alarm and just slept in today. I slept 14h which I only do when I am catching a cold and I feel a lot better if still foggy. Tonight is homework night. Back to the cigar bar. No kids or whiny women. Usually a game on.


Have to get stuff back to recruiter. Dog keeps pacing and rattling baby gates and pawing at doors. Dad keeps asking to go out.


5:30pm. Parents are out and I have just finished my interview test for another gig. This time they wanted to see a sample user story. I faked ne up for a fictional food logging product where you can assign the benefits you expect to get from eating this food when you add it to your food log (like energy, focus, mood). I'd actually like to build that.


Old Navy swimwear finally arrived and ust in time! I could use a tall size in this rashguard too (the arms are too short) BUT a size L in everything fits me just fine and it is a huge morale boost to not expect to fight with my swimsuit in the pool. YAY!

I can't remember the last time I wore a swimsuit that didn't have multiple X's.

I ordered the underwire style and I am tempted to order more because they would make seriously comfy summer bras, no sag.


Mom wants to take me to dinner tomorrow to apologize for the 3 hour freak out yesterday. I said it's ok... I still have homework and I am exhausted. She was like how about tomorrow? I was like still probably have homework. For some reason her wanting to take me for dinner makes me feel very very tired.


B: breakfast of the fat, lazy, and under the weather... choc froyo w dark choc cherries on top. How did I eat a whole container of choc cherries in 3 days?

1pm lunch - homemade burrito bowls. beans, rice, potatoes, cheese, sour cream, salsa veg

S: More froyo.

S: The oatmeal I should have had this morning.

D: 2 chicken thighs, yam w butter,

S: roll and butter, coffee, half n half

S: dark chocolate covered blueberries

Craaaaazy... I just entered all of that on Myplate and I still have 467 cal left?

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2018:
lol cigar bar i am quite sure you are the only woman there doing work!!!!! good for you! i remember the reasons you told me :)

choc cherries sounds amazing. lately i love cool whip the lighter versions and love to eat it with low cal ice cream...just LOVE. i just realized i have a lot of low cal ice cream bars i can eat with the cool whip...that would be a good way to portion control things:)...i like ice cream pints better but i bought bars and might as well mix them with cool whip---i think that'll happen TONIGHT...well, maybe.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
It's the slight tartness/bitterness of the dried cherries against the dark chocolate that I crave. Flavor contrast. Textures.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
Bars are also good if they are frozen hard and I can gnaw on them like a bone, lol!

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2018:
yes, i don't love to break commitments on people either.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
We are our word.

bearcountrygg on 05/23/2018:
14 hours is a lot of hours...you must have been exhausted.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
In my bones man... In my bones.

Donkey on 05/23/2018:
Sounds like a much better day!

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
Up days and down days. I just need to be consistent even if I'm tired.

happy-1 - Tuesday May 22, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

Starting my post over today. A little under the weather today. In a bit of conflict because I vacumed my moms room. Also I am a little low becaus eI have to back out of helping a friend get to an MRI. She booked an appointment for the weekend I am dog sitting and I can't get back to drive her because I can't get the dogs covered that Sunday.


Attacked the middle bedroom today and cleared that closet (mostly). Made a big mess of the dining room and living room, but first step in getting out of the living room has been taken. I figure I'll just keep pulling stuff out everytime they leave the house and putting my stuff in until there's just a big pile of stuff in the living room and my bed is in the bedroom. Fingers crossed.

Found a black suit size 16 from when I graduated college in 2000. I will try it on after a shower and see if it fits. So exciting.


I have a real closet now and I celebrated with an epsom salt bath for aches and pains. I also set out my breakfast and packed my bag for tomorrow. I deserve a fabulous breakfast out and a spot to attack paperwork.


B: oatmeal, coffee

S: bag of chicken wings from trader joes

L: half a pizza

S: frozen yogurt

S: 1/4 of a pizza

S: 2 corn tortilla quesedilla, stevia lemonade

(Lots of stress eating here... and because I haven't meal prepped for a couple of weeks... glad I moved the tv to the kitchen so I am less tempted to sit and space out... this way I only get to watch tv if I am cooking or standing up and eating. Mom is not happy about this. Also not working out. Thinking about a 24hour fitness membership. Space and a place to go to work out.)

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/22/2018:
Hope you feel better.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:

Donkey on 05/22/2018:
Tough day.... hang in there :-(

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
Ty. Crazy hoarder ****. At least I found a couple of clothing items I can wear and my friend says she'll help me sell other stuff on poshmark. And now I have a closet and don't have to get dressed in the bathroom, lol!

graindart on 05/23/2018:
Gym membership might be a good idea, but only if you'll actually use it.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
I hate 24h fitness but it is the one closest to my house. Working out at home hasn't worked because it is too much motion in the house and starts conflicts over other unrelated things. It basically wakes my parents up out of whatever dream-like state they are in and reminds them that there was something they wanted me to do I haven't done yet. A gym membership would be better

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2018:
sorry you can't help your friend get there...maybe she can take public transportation??

your work should usually come first, in my opinion...unless the friend is so close that it's truly worth losing a paycheck for...i've gone to an MRI myself...they don't put you to sleep or anything..

i forgot how close in age we are, i graduated college in 2004 :)

the one thing good about 24hr fitness is it's convenient if it is really open 24/7!

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
They sedate her because she has panic attacks. So she could uber there but it is risky going home.

Its not the paycheck... i only charge her $20 a night. It's that I made that commitment first. It's like prom, if you say yes to one person you don't ditch that commitment to do something or go with someone else.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
They sedate her because she has panic attacks. So she could uber there but it is risky going home.

Its not the paycheck... i only charge her $20 a night. It's that I made that commitment first. It's like prom, if you say yes to one person you don't ditch that commitment to do something or go with someone else.

happy-1 on 05/23/2018:
Yeah, have been thinking about the more expensive all-sport membership because the sport ones have pools and I like to swim a lot.

happy-1 - Monday May 21, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

So interview test is done and sent out. I did the best I could. They wanted to see old work and that wasn't possible because I just don't hang on to past work anymore. I did a writeup on thejoin flow to happy first experience for one of their brands and then included a template for figuring out what the ROI for revenue would be. It's all I could do and it ran almost 50 pages... but I followed the format they gave us at the product management class I took and I hope it was enough to move to the next round at least.

And most importantly I remembered to tell the recruiter this morning that I was on track to deliver at the scheduled time or shortly before it. And even more importantly I sent it out an hour before I said I would so it had time to be there on time for the recruiter to send it out.

In order to accomplish this, I had to ignore my dad's ranting and raging last night till 3am and his fuming and attempt to start again this morning. It's so mean I know but Starbucks wasn't going to work I got up too late to shower and dress and still make the cutoff. And you can't say Dad I have to finish this test... I need a job and have him table it... he won't stop and take a step back. He just says I don't care, you ruin everything and make everyone miserable and I want ________ to happen so do it now. With the microwave he was after me to help him or fix it. With my old tea kettle it was constant "This isn't turning off by itself anymore, why isn't it turning off" 3-4 times a day. And replacing both so I could try to get my work done on time... worked??? It was hell but I got it done.

They went out, I think to buy a microwave my dad likes better. Mazeltov. I'm dying my roots and taking a shower and finding something to eat. Then I will walk my dog and if they aren't home yet I will see if I can move that file cabinet out to the living room.

One foot forward. Dog responsibilities. Hair, nails, teeth bleach, pedicure. Gym, tan, laundry. Mail, budget, spending, legal. One foot in front of the other.

Mantra: I will be consistent even when I am tired.


B: oatmeal, coffee, half and half.

L: black bean/brown rice/cheese/sour cream burrito bowl

Skipped all meals till 4:30. Just nose to grindstone.

A ridiculous amount of frozen yogurt.

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2018:
Sounds all productive - watch yourself while tanning !

Mantra seems ok - try to get sleep though so being tired doesn't cause you to make bad choices - at least for me if I don't get sleep dieting becomes much harder !!!!

Good job on your interview - 50 pages is a ton of prep!

bearcountrygg on 05/22/2018:
You got your work done...I'm sure it wasn't easy but you did it. Meals look good too!

happy-1 - Sunday May 20, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

225.5. Normal weight fluctuation. Scale moving in the right direction though...

Woke up at 7, skipped church to clean the kitchen so I don't have any accidental $30 food days this week and then got to lunch with friends at 1. Then I headed out to Costco to replace the microwave (I have lost 12 hours in 3 days to the stupid broken microwave drama and this morning was a nightmare. Both my parents were complaining and barking at me while I was cleaning up for 4h... AAAAAUGH SERENITY NOW). It's 4:30 and I am chilling at Starbuks and working on my interview test.

Today I risked the weight loss speed vs how soon I need it game and bought a paddle suit in a size L (think a one piece swimsuit to wear over your two piece with long sleeves as a rashguard that won't ride up). Not totally sold on it because there's no hood and it's not a bright color (safety)... but it was $40 and you have to just grab it when you see something at Costco and return it later. 


Crazy lady at starbucks ended my time at that workspace. They were open till 12 but I had to bail at 7:30. Aaargh


Ruined my purchase of the new bathroom faucet microwave and electric kettle by saying when my mom asked me "Why did you buy that? It's a waste of money!" that "Dad keeps complaining that they don't work and I don't know how or have rhe bandwidth to fix them and I can't listen to it anymore." My dad got really upset and said that I steal all good feeling and just make him miserable. Got yelled at for a good 30 min by my dad. UGH.


Yep, it's war. Dad is going to make me absolutely miserable until something major happens and he switches back to my mom. I am feeling that cbd oil for people i saw online. I'm running away and never coming home again.


Dad kept me up till 3 am hounding me about the microwave. I finally had to wake up my mom and ask her to run interference for me so I could sleep and wake up to finish the interview test.


B: Too much fro yo, orange drink

S: piece of string cheese. apple slices

L;  burger lettuce wrap, sweet potato fries, coffee halfn half

S: Starbucks brownie, moral support :-)

S: 4 chicken tenders from food4less deli. Saved the rest for my pup.

D: Turkey bacon sandwich at starbucks. Earl grey rea w half n half, cake pop.

S: i kind of forget what I ate after I got home. I think it was two cheese sticks. Then after my dad woke me up I went and got frozen yogurt. Why is there so much peace of mind at the bottom of frozen yogurt?



Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/20/2018:
Costco is great...I really miss that store!!!

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Yeah... couldn't pass up some hummus cups, paleo granola, and hummus cups... or dog treats! Thou shalt not run out of dog treats!!!!

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
and blueberries

Donkey on 05/21/2018:
Looks like a good eating day. I'm sorry about the war at home. I've had them too. Our dinner table is a battlefield...

happy-1 - Saturday May 19, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

Helping instructor get class back on track after throwing him to the wolves with his boss and the EDD. Forcing him to do a 5 hour class and also to take breaks... I am glad I packed double food. He is diabetic with an A1C of 7.5 that has been 9 and higher and his plan was to order a pizza for lunch. Sugar crash for sure. I packed a bunch of snacks for the class because I felt like an ****, then decided not to bring them in because I have nothing to apologize for... but am super glad I did because he just doesn't have the physical endurance to teach a class for 5 hours.

Poor guy. I'm going to make him do the job he is being paid for, but I'll help him do it as much as I can.


Oh the joys of having to force an instructor to do his ****ing job! He actually said he doesn't want this job! Asking for a different instructor to finish the class. I had to hand hold him the whole way through writing up a course outline, and then actually complete the lesson today and he bailed an hour and a half early. We only did a 20 min break for lunch and he thought that was too long and if I hadn't forced him to break by standing up and leaving to go to the bathroom, he wouldn't have done it.

And It was hearbreaking because I can tell he's got diabetic brain fog setting in.


B- oatmeal without the chia/hemp/ flax mix in because I am out, frozen yogurt with dark chocolate coconut chips. Holy **** that's good. Had two bowls.

S: mcdonalds sugar free coffee, egg white sausage bowl

S: hummus, carrots, 2 hard boiled eggs

S: hummus, carrots, water

L: baja salad bag, turkey, cheese stick

S: sugar free vanilla latte, strawberry rhubarb mini muffin from us foods

S: bag of honey roasted peanuts. Yum

Ms: 1/2 cup mac n cheese, 1 cheese stick, sweet potato crackers

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/19/2018:
Well...you took the bull by the horns didn't you?

happy-1 on 05/19/2018:
I tripped the edd by asking my caseworker how to represent a class that's supposed to be 85h (40 in class) as a 1.5h class without triggering an audit and it all just went haywire.

Donkey on 05/20/2018:
Great eating day - well done! Good for you for calling them out on this!

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Yeah... this is painful.

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Yeah... this is painful.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2018:
a 5 hour class does need at least one break if not more! that's a long class.

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Right? But he resents taking breaks.

happy-1 - Friday May 18, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

Today was sooo fubar. Ack. So tired... and the microwave not working stole 2h of my time because my dad keeps bugging my mom about going out for a hamburger so she keeps bugging me and I should go out but I just can't because I'm sleep deprived and crampy. And my dad is mad at me because I ate the last of the frozen yogurt I BOUGHT.



B: Coffee, half and half

S: denver omlete, cheese, diet coke

S: piece of toast w cottage cheese

L: Beans/Rice/potatoes/cheese/sour cream, avocado, diet coke

S: frozen yogurt

D: Mac n cheese, broccoli, tomato, turkey burger

Emotional and hormonal after dinner eating... Huge amounts of frozen yogurt. But at least shark week has come and I feel better. Omg. I have to have a serious discussion w God on the unfairness of hormones.

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

graindart on 05/19/2018:
Haven't had frozen yogurt in quite awhile. Used to love TCBY's blackberry cheesecake froyo. But I think TCBY closed about 10 years ago here......

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
It's probiotic so it's legal on my nutrition plan once a week. I don't think I was supposed to buy 4 gallons because I had to buy 4 to get yhe discount but omg I just want froyo every minute of every day.

Maria7 on 05/19/2018:
The serenity prayer goes a long, long way for me, too. Glad you reminded me of it today cause I really needed it today, too. :-)

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Yeah especially when you yell it super loud and punch something!

bearcountrygg on 05/19/2018:
Denver omlette sounds good...

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Omg soooooooo good. It was the perfect diner omlette... heart attack on a plate and yum.

Donkey on 05/19/2018:
I hope today is a better day. Today is a new day. (At least that's what I had to remind myself of this morning.)

happy-1 on 05/20/2018:
Yes. Every morning just get up and embrace the suck, eat the frog, do the hardest thing you have to do and conquer.

happy-1 - Thursday May 17, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

228.4, but that's still normal weight fluctuation. I tried on my new underwear this morning and was shocked that it fit... Only a size L. It has been so long since I have put on anything that wasn't the size of a car cover, I almost fell over in shock. I'm in "normal range" physically.

Getting today off on the right foot. Was up at 7, did my hair, drank my coffee (with half n half, but I'll work my way back to coconut creamer once my habits are on track), ate my power overnight oats, and fixed all my alarm settings.

Gave my dog one 4mg CBD oil treat first thing and was thrilled she ate her vitamin supplements straight away without any complaint. My dog kind of restlessly moves from place to place when I am trying to focus so I gave her a second CBD oil treat and she is snoozing at my feet on her dog bed. I hope this lasts a few hours.

It's almost 9am. Gathering my thoughts here.

  1. Interview is at 12 so my next 3h are researching the company
  2. Then I will sort out the EDD
  3. Afterwards, I will scratch the itch of reorganizing the freezer and fridge, put my last tray of frozen chicken thighs on to broil, and setup meal preps
  4. Not happening: Then I will put coolers in my car and hit the cigar bar to do homework... maybe checkout a dog-friendly brewery to see what the vibe is on a Thursday night vs a Friday night to figure out if I want to do a meetup there. There is also a burgher place nearby to look in on
  5. Instead: I will sit at home and do homework.
  6. I will go to bed on time tonight so I can be up on time to get K and take her to her MRI
  7. On my way home I will go food shopping. Friday is good for this because all the sales have switched over for the week

Things I will not think about right now:

  • My evil monster ex who I am supposed to see tomorrow.
  • All the personal paperwork I haven't done that is waiting to explode in my face like a bomb.

Grrr. Get after it.  Forgive me, but I'm staying on track by posting here.




Phone screen down. They want a case study. Aaack. Haven't saved anything old.


Disqualified on interview yesterday. Experience not a match. Which is true. Ah, well.


Attacked the fridge and made lunch at the same time... Threw out/recycled anything that was a little iffy or just dregs... the last few drops. I figure it is cheaper to be able to find stuff than have another $30 food day. Between extra plasticware recycling last night and stuff from the fridge, that's like 3 laundry hampers of plastic containers into the recycling bin. Augh.

Took 2 hours!!!!! Only partway through meal prep. Had to stop, shove what I hadn't gone through yet in a box and sit down and take a break. I swear I did this recently, but it was completely disgusting. It took forever to do very little.


Asked EDD caseworker how to fill out the UI form and opened up a hornets nest with the school. Instead of doing homework, I get to do a writeup of the class instruction issues and explain why I only have 6-7 hours of instruction completed when I should have 38.

So now I get to spend my evening writing up the issue, which is fine because the instructor didn't send the files I needed to do my homework anyway.


B - 7.30 - Power oatmeal, coffee, half n half

S - Kellogs crustless quiche, 2 cups spinach, 1/2 a small yam, butter I think. might have been margerine.

L - Chicken,1/2 a small yam, butter, 2 cups spinach.

S - 3pm and fridge cleanout was a mess. grabbed a frozen cheese pizza and split it with my dad.

D - (Botched dinner, fixing and serving tomorrow) 2 corn tortillas and some cheddar cheese. 2 cups of spinach and butter. That was then joined by my magically cured cuban black beans and brown salsa rice. And some cheese, avocado, sour cream, and a veggie burger. I don't want to think about the calories

S - A LOT of fudge vanilla swirl froyo. Topped with... Packet of butter finger bites, frozen!

MS - I don't know how many more corn tortilla quesedillas. 8 tortillas, olive oil, and cheese. I have to count how many are left.



Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/17/2018:
Well...that's a full day...should make for a good activity level.

horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2018:
yes, agreed, a very productive day indeed! good luck at your interview and good meals and great cleaning!

keep up the productivity!

Donkey on 05/17/2018:
"Took forever to do very little" -- Isn't that kind of what losing weight is like?

I'm proud of you - you're out there doing what needs to get done.

happy-1 - Wednesday May 16, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

No weigh in. Too off track to pull that together. Went out to a meetup w a friend yesterday and had fun. Then I stayed up till 1 am watching tv w my mom. I need to put that outdoor timer back. I took it off while dog sitting but time to put it back. Sleep meds keep me down for exactly 9h and so I didn't wake up till 10, meds kicked in at 11 then it took me 1.5 h to get my things in order ao I can start my day. Starting my journal here helps keep me on track...

The meetup was fun and K said I needed new jeans... apparently that pound I just lost was all butt fat because my jeans were hanging in the back like I had been wearing enormous butt enhancers and taken them out. Almost comical. We went to H&M and I found 2 interview outfits (2 black pants, vibrant blue shirt, vibrant green button down shirt) and a presentable dress. No jeans though. I will have to keep looking. H&M sizing is really weird. I was a 14 on top and an 18 on the bottom. I hope those aren't real 18s that are going to start expanding as I wear them. Kind of alarming and at $127 way more than I can spend on anything iffy. I am sad to see my jeans go into the "too big" bag because I always felt sexy in them and the destroyed styling made them really comfy.

Today I need to respond to my job interview from yesterday and tackle personal paperwork and get ready for a job interview tomorrow at 12.


Brain refuses to get in like today. Kitchen is in too much chaos to cook in... it needs a third full day of sorting out to be able to get actual meals prepped in there. Aaaaargh. Ran out and bought lunch today.


Got the interview question response together. At least my brain worked that much. Other than that though I am just too hungry to think straight when I am at home. I have a phone screen tomorrow I am not prepared for but I just need to get up early to take care of it.

I literally couldn't think all day today because I was so hungry and the kitchen was so daunting. I ended up spending roughly $30 on food today because I ate one meal out and then had mostly prepared foods. After my mom went to bed, I attacked it. I put a bunch of extra / odd size / not tight sealing plastic containers in the recycling bin... praying my mom doesn't catch me. I also cleaned the kitchen, washed 3 sinkfuls of dishes, started meal prep for memorial day weekend, cleaned the shared bathroom, did a load of laundry, and changed the couch cover.

Tomorrow I need to get up and out early to focus on interview prep, then reorganize the freezer and fridge and set up meal prep for the week. Even if I don't have everything I need to do it I can at least get started by breaking what I do have into single servings so it is more accessible, sort recipe ingredients into aluminum trays, and make a shopping list.

No more $30 food days that are bad but quasi healthy. Augh. I could have seen a movie or had a night out.


B: protein cookie, pack of roasted peanuts, water

L: double cheeseburger lettuce wrap, sweet potato fries, water

S: protein ice cream... 20g of protein for 330 cal!

S: another protein ice cream, cheaper than another meal out.

D: jacks frozen pizza

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/16/2018:
I hate it when I wear out or out grow favorite clothes too......I can have a closet full....but that one special thing is just so hard to let go of.

happy-1 on 05/16/2018:
Yeah... I put a bunch of stuff in the bag along with the jeans today, made me sad. I blew $40 on new underwear to go with it... can't have them escaping anymore!

happy-1 on 05/16/2018:
But my actual dress size measurements haven't changed that much. I must be losing in between the bust/hips/waist right now.... deflating them.

Donkey on 05/16/2018:
Good luck on tomorrow's interview!!

PS "Enormous butt enhancers" -- LOL!!!

happy-1 on 05/17/2018:
I could always save my pants for smuggling a couple of hams...

bearcountrygg on 05/17/2018:
LOL :>)

happy-1 on 05/17/2018:
Nooo it was bad... I can understand why K made me skip the movie and go shopping.

happy-1 - Tuesday May 15, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 224.3

No weigh in. Can't take it today... Date last night was soul-killing on a meta level. I don't think guys really check out profiles. I could tell as soon as I walked up that he was startled by my height, or maybe my pictures from a couple of months ago aren't current anymore.... but I am only 5lbs lighter and my hair is the same so go figure... I went along to be polite, but knew he wanted out. He was shocked when I asked for separate checks... I guess women don't do that... I said I thought it's just a hello, I'm sorry I didn't realize it was a date... I don't expect anything from a first meetup.... Like if you have a decent conversation maybe then you go on a date. I guess I just get really nervous meeting new people and I need some time to warm up and I try not to put any extra pressure on myself. We had a nice enough conversation. He's in his 40s, skinny, withdrawn. He said he used to be an alcoholic and weighed 200lbs, but fixed that by switching to caffeine-free diet coke. Apparently he also used to hang out at the drag-racing circuit. There's something about the sobered up party boys that just isn't any fun. They are kind of flat somehow.

Anyway this morning I sent "Hey! It was good to meet you. It kind of seemed like you didn't think I matched my profile. So that I can do better, would you mind giving me a couple of tips on what either didn't match or what I could do better?"

No answer. Crickets.




After I got home from my date last night, I tried to wash mybig 5 day cooler out in the tub. It slipped and knocked me on the bridge of my nose. My eyes are puffy but no black bruises. I got lucky with my lucky shot. Killer headache though. All I can think about is how bad I wish I had a gel eye mask. I have ice packs but something I can just tie on and hold in place...




Up: ? I had a hard time getting out of bed.

? - coffee w vanilla coffeemate creamer. Need to hit grocer. Prepped oatmeal but can't get head around eating it.

? - 2 cheese quesedillas, water.

1:20ish - Burrito bowl (homemade) before 1:30pm phone screen.


Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/15/2018:
That's too bad that the meet up didn't workout....there is a lot of pressure on everyone in the online dating world...My oldest son tried eharmony...and a friend did also...and they were both relieved when their 10 dates were over...neither one met anyone there that worked out.

Hope you don't get black eyes...that would be the pits.

Donkey on 05/15/2018:
I'm sorry the "date" was a bust. I do like your approach of just a meet-up and THEN a date if the guy makes the cut. Nothing wrong with that!

Along with Bear, I hope you don't get a black eye :-( That would be rather depressing... on top of depressing. :-(

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2018:
that's kind you asked for separate checks so he didn't have to pay if you say he just wanted out?

sorry you had to sit thru the date...this is why i don't really date or even make time for it. it's not fun for me!

however, if i were dating a lot, i wouldn't mind the guy paying???? why don't you just save your cash if you date a lot!?

happy-1 on 05/16/2018:
I don't want to feel like I owe a guy anything. I feel like if they pay I'm obligated... It's not the same after 40... They really expect something out of you.

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