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happy-1 - Friday Jun 29, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

One foot in front of the other. Breathe in, breathe out.

  • Overwhelmed because I overslept and got up at 7 instead of 5:30. Because I stayed up late working on the OT worksheet and doing dishes and failing to do homework. 
  • Stressed because I got zero of anything I really needed to do done this week... and using the OT tracking sheet I can see how far off I was and feel "dumb".
  • Sad because I am still down a friend. Responded to her screwy email today in a calmer. less emotional state. Was careful to use "I feel" statements... over her liberal abusive ones.
  • Lonely because I'd like to have a closer relationship with my extended family.
  • Aggravated because I did too much emotional and tired eating yesterday and had trail mix, a dark chocolate bar, and 1/3 of a frozen pizza... not enough broccoli or veg.
  • Frustrated because Rise is having a service issue and I can't use it... and it isn't cheap.

To regroup... 

  • I walked my dog for a shorter walk than planned, but I still went for the walk.
  • I will eat breakfast now, because it is 9:10AM and I want to get back to eating on time.
  • I will still go to yoga, because it will release my stress and I need the physical activity to stay healthy.
  • I will look for a coffee spot near the studio to do homework.
  • I will be on time for class tonight.
  • I will go to bed as soon as I get home tonight and get up as close to on time as I can tomorrow.


Got an email back from my friend who sent the screwy email(s) (including **** yous and vicious statements). Apparently I'm totally right, she wants to be friends, and she added me back to her camping trip... Bat **** crazy... 

At least the tension in my neck released and unpinched a nerve. I didn't even realize I was in pain until my bones slid back into place with a pop after I got her email. The human body is terrifying.

Now doing homework. Better than not at al.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/30/2018:
I'm so glad that your day got better - at least it seems that way. I'm glad that your camping friend came to her senses (sort of?).

I'm glad you're working on homework. Every little bit helps! Keep trying! (It's been a rough week, hasn't it?)

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
Yeah, but more rough because I am time tracking for the OT and it is depressing because I see how far off plan I am. Incremental progress is key to achieving the changes I need to make. At least that stupid class is over and I just have to close out with the school tomorrow.

bearcountrygg on 06/30/2018:
Boy...it sounds like that gals emails get get of hand very easily…….she must not thinks things through before writing them.....

happy-1 on 06/30/2018:
She's gotta be 80. Goes with the territory.

happy-1 - Thursday Jun 28, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5


Went to hot yoga last night. OMG. How is that fun? Half dead today. 

Got a screwy email from my friend which I am ignoring. Life goes on.

One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Tracking time for OT shows that I am getting nothing done because I am cleaning up the hoard every day. 

I just keep trying.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 06/29/2018:
I did bikram hot yoga for around a year. i was working as a teacher and could fit it in my schedule. that no longer is the case. the class was 1.5hours and it took a half hour to prep / bike ride over to it...and another half hour to get home. it was so time consuming...but good if your schedule is more free.

i used to love it - especially in the freezing Winter...it was so cool to go in there and get all warm and toasty.

what about the screwy email?

stay positive...you are doing well...hitting new lows in your weight and all! stay focussed!

happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 27, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

Really glad to have DD this morning. Logging in to read other people's struggles makes me feel less blue. Today I need to crack on homework but I just want to stay in bed with my best friend my dog. Between my camping friend and not saying the right thing to a dude off okcupid... UGH. 1 step forward (weight loss and OT), 10 steps back. I just want to stay in bed all day.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/27/2018:
I'm so sorry (((hugs))). Try to get up and do something for yourself.... and a little homework.

I didn't comment yesterday, but congratulations on your new shoes! Nothing like the joy of a new pair of shoes :-D

horn_of_plenty on 06/28/2018:
we all have some struggles yes!!!!!!! i doubt you are truly so set back...keep your head up!

innerpeace on 06/29/2018:
Is this homework for a class you are taking or for real home work like house work - cleaning - and stuff?

I hope everything gets better for you.

happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 26, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

New camp shoes came today!  They fit perfectly and are super flattering. I am pleased that they are dusty pink not baby pink... I think they will wear better. I was so inspired, I posted my first dog-friendly brewery meetup for the dog meetup that made me an organizer. I did a recurring brewery meetup for the last thursday of the month starting in July and a camping trip for the first weekend of October. Let's see how it goes, right?

OT yesterday was interesting. We're going to start with time management. I'm supposed to start with tracking my time... where it goes. They gave me a worksheet with the times of day down the left and the days across the top. Not sure what that is supposed to do for me... but sure. Why not.


Pissed off a camping friend and she has decided to kick me out of the group because the trip was to a campground she also organizes trips to. I also used a liability statement that was public domain that she also uses. I took it down as soon as she said something... If I had thought she would be infringed upon I wouldn't have done it in the first place. I replied that it seemed like an extreme reaction to a mistake I corrected and aplogized for, I wouldn't have done it if I thought I was doing something wrong, and it was a mistake... I thought we had talked it through... and I hoped we could talk about it. I think she may have forgotten we talked about it because she is at least 70.

I'll be sad to not talk to her anymore. I feel very tired.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/26/2018:

happy-1 on 06/27/2018:
Ty. Feels bad to screw things up day after day.

horn_of_plenty on 06/27/2018:
try to just make up with her...communicate with her and move forward. sounds like you'd miss her as a friend :) i try now to move past fights with people i have some cares about!

happy-1 on 06/27/2018:
Yeah. She sent me a pretty abusive email. I tried calling but she didn't pick up. She did this to another friend in December. She doesn't unring that "you are dead to me" bell. I figured he had actually done something but maybe not.

happy-1 - Monday Jun 25, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5



Had a busy day yesterday and got home late and to bed late but still managed to get up at 6:30. Everything hurts though especially my neck. Maybe the Occupational Therapist appointment will help with that. I am kind of dreading it. What if they tell me I'm having such a hard time because I am permanently retarded? But a therapist, shrink, and meds have been helpful but not enough to pull myself together. I have to get 23 wheels to spin at once to get back on track and I can only make 1 or 2 spin at a time. The nutritionist's diet changes are helping me get to bed on time and up on time and eating better... but it isn't really enough.


Yesterday was a good rare social day though. Got up at 5:30, walked my dog to the park and drank coffee, then I rode my bike to church for a beautiful service. Went home, cleaned up and then went to brunch to see camping friends. On my way home I stopped off at a friends to help with her flooring project. I need to go back next weekend with my jigsaw and dremmel to help her finish.

Yesterday at brunch one of my camping friends told me I look good... really good... multiple times. He's in his 70's and married but still really hot like Robert Redford... so I'll take the compliment in the highest regard... and run around in my yoga pants and top more often?????

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/25/2018:
YEAHHHHHH.….Broke through that barrier...GOOD WORK!!!

happy-1 on 06/25/2018:
It looks like I've lost 10.5 lbs since December? It feels like less... like nothing is coming off and I'm trapped in a too-hot, too-big movie magic fat suit... But this small piece of progress is really encouraging and shows that I can make progress if I put in the effort. The nutritionist has definitely helped me focus and make that progress.

bearcountrygg on 06/25/2018:
Then he nutritionist is the one to be working with...whatever makes you want to do the work!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 06/26/2018:
congrats, you've been doing so well and it seems you found some ways to now break lower past the plateau. things do have to be changed to break thru any sustained plateau, so, excellent job to you!

you'be been waking up nicely the past few days.

that's a nice compliment, i guess he notices your overall weightloss.

happy-1 - Sunday Jun 24, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 224.3

It's a miracle. Up at 5:30 am again. Yay me! Walking my dog to the park, coffee in habd.

225.1... my scale is laughing at me.

Was at costco yesterday and theyhad porkchops for $1.89, so I picked up 2 flats and broke them down into meal sized packs with my vacum sealer. The ones from costco, breaded are my dad's absolute favorite and friday night with the turkey in red sauce with spaghetti squash was such a debacle... I just felt terrible. He really enjoyed his porkchop though. It's super hot here so I did them up in the convection toaster and they turned out amazing! Crisp breading and juicy inside.

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/24/2018:
It's going to be hot, hot, HOT here soon too -- gotta find alternative methods of meal preparation. I usually fall back on my crockpot (because that's all I have, LOL). We have a convection toaster thingy at work and it's just delightful! Of course, I'm not sure it's a good thing to have the office smelling like taquitos, but I suppose it could be worse ;-)

happy-1 on 06/25/2018:
I feel you. I dunno what I would do if I only had a slow cooker... I'd probably set the house on fire. One of the best things about my toaster oven is the timer that auto turns it on so if I am tired or distracted I can't accidentally leave it on.

Donkey on 06/24/2018:
And good for you for getting up early -- seize the day, don't sleep it away (mostly meant for myself, LOL).

happy-1 on 06/27/2018:
Lol... right? Life is passing us by as we want one more hit of the snooze button.

bearcountrygg on 06/24/2018:
Getting up early gives us so many more hours in the day!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 06/25/2018:
Hiiii Happy!

It’s not a miracle that you are up! You did this on your own haha it’s not a superhuman doing it for you!! The scale won today!?

$1.89 is def a cheap price for any meat (pork lol). Such a good plan with the vacuum sealer…I am so glad I bought hamburger meat this weekend…it tastes so good!

My mom used to make – I always forget – breaded either lamb or pork chops…they were always chewy and TERRIBLE. Both my sister and I despised that meal whenever she made it and we were in Elementary school. I am QUITE positive yours was wayyy better ;)

My sister and I always had trouble chewing the meat and ..oh it could have been VEAL chops that were chewy…we always had trouble chewing meats my mom cooked. They were prob always very well done.

happy-1 - Saturday Jun 23, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 224.3

Up on time at 6 after going to bed at midnight thanks to help from my dad. I am showered, haired and makeuped and at school to do homework in the hall before class. I have a packed cooler and caught myself veering away from getting here early to get take out breakfast as a form of procrastination.

Bracing for myself for the nightmare that is this school and the people running it.

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/23/2018:
Good luck at class!!!!!

bearcountrygg on 06/23/2018:
Have a good one.

graindart on 06/23/2018:
I don't envy anyone taking classes anymore. My only class time stuff is yearly continuing education stuff and I have a hard time just sitting still for those couple days per year. My attention span is fairly small nowadays. I rarely even like watching movies because I lose interest around the 45 minute mark.

happy-1 on 06/23/2018:
I actually love classes. I like feeling my brain actually working. If I had a million dollars I'd go take math classes around the world and tutor for free.

Donkey on 06/24/2018:
I was about your age when I went back to school to reinvent myself (after hitting rock bottom). I loved being in class, but I have to admit that the summer sessions were really rough -- cramming a 16 week course into an online 8 week timeframe. Had to stay on top - or a little ahead, even - of the syllabus. Have 2 school-aged kids to tend to made it a little more challenging, too.

Like Gains, I too find myself lacking attention, which is why movies don't do much for me any more. I have a hard enough time getting through a Reader's Digest. I am seldom able to finish books (non-fiction; although I admit that could be due to the subject matter I've chosen). Still, I think it would be wonderful to take a algebra class or something and start building up my math skills again - just for the heck of it!

happy-1 - Saturday Jun 23, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 224.3

Trying to get homework done and I need to get this off my chest so I can focus... and stop eating corn tortillas with cheese. I've had 6 tortillas and 3/4 cups of cheese. My dog had 2 tortillas and 1/4 cup of cheese.

So at the lunch with my parents and my dad's old friends... after he hobbled his enormous bulk to the bathroom they asked... isn't there anything that can be done for him? My dad looks terrible. Both my parents do. And my heart just aches to think about it... Because you really never could do anything for my dad. He was determined to sleep in the chair and never go to bed on time. He hated vegetables and salads and refused to eat anything remotely healthy. He stayed away from therapists and lifestyle coaches like the plague. He hated to sweat or be uncomfortable in any way. Growing up his mom ruled all his habits with an iron fist and he hated to be controlled in any way. He just wanted to sit in front of the tv and the computer and not be bothered and eat whatever he wanted... and not have any consequences... except that it doesn't work that way.

And I think ADHD is a component. Hereditary. I couldn't get my personal habits under control until I started medication. All the millions of habits that go into getting to bed on time and stocking healthy food and structuring my day.

My mom talked about how they had gone on a medical weight loss program and he lost 60lbs and she lost 30 and then they gained it back. I said fudamentally you have to want to be healthy and feel better to sacrifice the treats and go for a walk. He doesn't want to.

Isn't it horrible to think that your father or your brother or your kid doesn't want to be healthy? It's like watching a car accident slowly happening everyday and you can't turn it around. Suicide by fork.


Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/23/2018:
The way I see it Hap...is that it is about personal rights....we all have the right to live as we see fit....as long as we don't break the law. We all have the right to eat what we want and be healthy or sick as an outcome of what we eat...we have the right to exercise or not...we have the right to live our lives as we see fit as long as we are within the law. Not everyone puts health or fitness ahead of their personal desires.....and trying to force someone to believe the way someone else believes can be cruel and unusual punishment and will probably be met with rebellion and anger more than compliance. The only person that will change is a person that wants to...or is forced to by restraint ( and that will be one angry person too) If your Dad was raised by a controlling parent.....and he rebelled by eating and doing what he wanted in a fit of anger....he has lived that way for 50 years plus.....and any attempt to control him now will just bring back reminders of his childhood. He did it his way...…...and he made it to old age...………….he has lived his life in rebellion and I agree...he probably does have ADD or ADHD....but all in all......bottom line...it is his life. Any weight he may lose now will just involve massive amounts of hanging skin...that causes ulcers, and discomfort....and horrible smelly infection. My guess is words trigger him. My guess is that he is basically equal to forcing a child...( and he has already done that) to eat something they don't want. We can only eat at home...what is at home......about all you can do is bring in foods that are healthy and in small quantities...and offer him some in a friendly manor....he can partake or not.....I would stop...the healthy talk around him.....he doesn't want to hear it and it makes him rebel...…...I would clear off the table.....and set it nicely...and put out the plates etc.....and put out a couple or 3 nice healthy choices...and invite your parents to come and eat f they like...( not mandatory...they are adults and it's their choice)….but you sit down and eat.....and then put leftovers away...right away. I would never say another word to them about healthy eating...it just causes them to fight the whole thought.

bearcountrygg on 06/23/2018:
I have to add here what I have seen happen in my own family…...I have a sister in law...who hates vegetables and refused to feed them to her boys because SHE hated them...….then on the oldest boys first birthday...she wanted that cute pic of him with cake all over his face.....he didn't cooperate...and refused to make the mess...so she smeared cake and frosting on his face...he was terrified.....and also stopped drinking milk at that time for some reason....that little boy came to eat only one thing...pepperoni....heated...and arranged on his plate in a circle.....he would also drink sugar water drinks and sugar water popsicles...and that was it. Eventually he added honeycomb cereal from the box only....He is now a grown man...all 5 foot 2 inches of him....and he now buys himself 1 pepperoni pizza a day...eats part and throws away the leftovers...daily ( and he still lives in his parents house...and won't even let them eat the leftovers)…………..he is obsessive compulsive about everything...…………...but forget the idea that he is now an adult.....I remember an incident when he was 3 years old......at a family Christmas party...I watched him sneak into the kitchen...and that little hand went up...and grabbed a tiny little baby carrot...and he went and hid behind a chair and ate it. I think that says more about his eating disorder than anything.....he COULD NOT..let his Mother see him eat that. And now....as his parents still wonder what happened......he has a blood disorder from so many nitrates and nitrites in his system.....and while they actually thought he was dying a couple of years ago.....the dr has now accepted the fact that his body is altered in some what because of what he has lived on for his entire life.

Donkey on 06/23/2018:
It must have been very startling to hear this from his friends. I remember a couple of years ago when my mom pulled me aside and said that my husband's weight was very unhealthy. (Please understand that she is a retired nurse, and that I know she would not have said anything to me had she not truly been concerned for his health - and his life!)

And I can also imagine that this must have been (and might continue to be) a very frustrating time for you. It's so hard to watch "death by fork"... I agree with Bear that it REALLY has to come from the person himself, though. And I don't know how one achieves that. For my husband, he needed/wanted hip replacement surgery, and the doctor said he wouldn't do it unless he lost 70 pounds.

Since surgery, though, my husband has not been able to lose any more and has actually gained back maybe 10 of those pounds. If he could just lose 25 more pounds... And sometimes he hops back on the diet-wagon, but it's not consistent.

I find though that if it doesn't come from within the person, then success is either limited, temporary, or elusive. Even from my own experience!

happy-1 - Friday Jun 22, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 224.3

Crunched my calories and discovered that cronometer has been padding my calories burned from Fitbit by about 300 calories... so I have been looking at Cronometer thinking I am at a deficit and should burn a pound this week and break my plateau... and UGH!  I'm not. Because I have been eating almost exactly or a little more than what Fitbit says and weigh about what I should weigh based on the calories I ate. If anything it's a miracle I don't weigh MORE than I do right now. UGH. All this struggle and nutritionist assistance and I'm sabotaged by the tool I paid money for. Sent an email to their tech support but BUMMER. 

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/22/2018:
OK, that really sucks. I'm so sorry.

How do you know that Fitbit isn't wrong? Mine is not the most accurate when it comes to a lot of measures, but I still love it because it does tell me, relative to others and to other days, how I'm doing.

happy-1 on 06/22/2018:
I totaled up the calories burned from Cronometer and from Fitbit against my calories consumed... Calculated the difference and divided by 3500 (calories in a pound of fat). Fitbit says I should be about .7 lbs more than when I started on Friday 6/15 and I am about 1.1.. You know, a glass of water difference. Cronometer says I am supposed to have lost 1.3lbs... I'm assuming that Fitbit is correct because my current weight is about what their reports say it would be.

bearcountrygg on 06/22/2018:
That cronometer is a bummer

happy-1 on 06/22/2018:
Better their app than my endocrine system.

happy-1 on 06/22/2018:
But I have been obsessing on weight loss because I feel like it is the thing I can control when everything else is out of control and push myself forward and I felt like I could expect a reward this week, but there is no reward coming. Just forcing back some of the panic and reminding myself that this is one small thing and that I need to focus on my homework.

Hugs to all.

happy-1 - Friday Jun 22, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 224.3

Up early, day 4. Alarm was set for 5 but I was up at 6, Fitbit says I took a long time to fall asleep last night and was up for a bit... But I got 7 hours and was up on time so Yay me. Plan is to do chores and dog walk till Costco opens at 10 then be first through the doors to get my prescription. I'm planning on checking out a Boba place by there to do homework... ALL DAY.

Except what I really want is a nap. Everything hurts. All I did was drive 3 hours yesterday. Neck is killing me. Maybe I'll use a hotwater bottle for a bit before I get started. I thought about it last night but was too tired to get out of bed.

It was nice to eat the costco rotisserie chickens at the table last night as a meal instead of picking at it until everyone had eaten and putting it away at midnight. Much more human and my portion control was better.


Chores ran over to 11AM. At least I made progress on sorting things out. Oi. Time management.


Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/22/2018:
I agree...eating at the table is more civilized...LOL

happy-1 on 06/22/2018:
Right? Better than gnawing in front of the tv.

horn_of_plenty on 06/22/2018:
What is a Boba place??

Totally not a fan of long drives either!

The costco chickens are great!!!!!!!! My sister buys organic chickens (not even cooked!) for $20!!!!!!!!!!

happy-1 on 06/22/2018:
LOL. The costco rotisserie chickens though are addictive. I swear they must put crack in them.

bearcountrygg on 06/22/2018:
I used to make my own yogurt in a little heated contraption with 3 white glass containers before yogurt was even popular back in the 70's

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