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happy-1 - Friday May 26, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 245.6

S says he just spaced and was like "I dunno, laundry? Clean?" not blowing me off. Benefit of the doubt. Not super eager to head down there again... but if he comes up with something good and I have the time... Maybe. I just feel like after two marriages and however many girlfriends, he's jaded and isn't excited about the miracle of having someone "like you like you". So it killed my buzz.

Dad boggles my mind.. I tried to meal prep last night for 3 people and a dog so I did the meat last night. Fed both my parents full meals and then let everything cool so I could put it in the fridge. Left it alone for 10 minutes while I set up the bathroom so my dad could shower... Came back out and discovered he had eaten it all but like 2 servings. I was astonished and horrified. 1) That much, that fast, without getting sick? Where did he put it? 2) That much salt, fat and calories... Did I just poison him? Then this morning he left the door open and my dog got out. I ran around the yard in my pajamas chasing her down for all the neighbors to see.  She thinks it is a fun game. @#$%&#.

Pulling my **** together today and ignore about a billion dishes in the kitchen... Which is hard because my ADHD brain says... go do them or I won't do what you want me to do!!!!! Trying to review insurance quotes. It's scattered across a million emails. UGH! WHY DO THEY MAKE THINGS HARDER????

Progress as of today: 62.4 lbs lost so far, only 65.6 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Thursday May 25, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 245.6

Another .2 down, a reward for getting my **** together yesterday, doing the thing I needed to do, eating right and going to bed at 11 instead of staying up till 3 or 4. Got into it with Scott because he's cancelled or declined all further plans, but keeps texting multiple times a day. Which is just frustrating. It's like dangling carne asada in front of me and then yanking it away. Why does he keep canceling/declining? He has to clean. He's got a nice case of ADHD/PTSD/OCD... which means that he is basically cleaning his whole apartment with a toothbrush until he feels in control again. Essentially it was too good, we had too much fun, and he's freaking out and looking for the catch... There's some fatal flaw that will lead to terrible pain and misery a few years down the road, so he has to bunker down in his fortress of solitude. It's heartbreaking because it was just so nice to get a peek at what was possible and because my good friend has a battle he can't really manage and I can't do anything to help with because now I'm the source of the problem and just additional pressure. I wish I hadn't deleted our years and years of texts... I just felt so sad last night and I didn't want to reread the texts last night and keep sending more texts today. Just breathe and move on and be open if he ever gets back in contact. Which he probably won't.

I think the US should just go for some kind of marriage lottery system... You turn 21, and you can choose to enroll in it. We'd divvy up the segments for matching based on religion, personal finance philosophy, recreational hobbies, politics, desire for kids, lifestyle preference, and a physical fitness test. Then you get married, with an optional no fault annulment at 6 months. You wait a year, then go into the same matching process with other people who also didn't stick with their partner from the first round. If that doesn't work out, you go into a third round a year later. If none of the rounds worked out, then you move on to open dating with everyone else who couldn't find happiness. If you stay past 6 months with anyone in the first 2 rounds you bypass additional matching and are put into the open dating pool. For kickoff we just separate out the people who want to participate by age group and number of marriages. Also, I think that there should be a central database of marriage records in the US so nobody can pretend to be single but actually be in a hidden marriage.

Anyway, that is my soul dump for the day. The thing that is eating me so that I don't end up eating it. I will just listen to my new audiobook "Its just a ****ing date" whenever the urge to text him comes up.

Plan for the day: - Do my hair and makeup - Hit REI for a grill pan and Trader Joes for food - Work with virtual assistant on various org tasks (amazing improvement in my life) - Try to eat healthy / low carb / paleo

The One Thing I Must Do Before Bed: Review entire insurance quote and decide whether to move forward or not.

Progress as of today: 62.4 lbs lost so far, only 65.6 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/25/2017:
Update: 2 seconds after I posted this, he sent me a good morning emoji flirt. Which is just more aggravating.

happy-1 on 05/25/2017:
I told him I was busy with back to back calls and free after 5. Not feeling like losing time to texting today.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/25/2017:
Men are so frustrating, indeed!

I think your idea for lottery is fantastic, Happy...

Lately i also have a plan that includes wearing makeup...with my newly purchased makeup brush. :-D

happy-1 - Wednesday May 24, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 245.8

Brain back online today... A little creaky. Accidentally stayed up till 3 am. My dad is up all night ad so I don't realize it is bedtime. Ugh. I swear I have zero internal clock... nothing turns on "sleepy".

Reupped at my coworking space last night. Today was first day. Goal was to just get the EDD paperwork (3 of them) completed. No small task for an ADHDer. 

I mostly just dragged all my "todo" clutter into the couch area and just kind of organized till all the mental clutter dissipated. Then I went and walked over to the Japanese market, bought cheap stuff for organizing (YES I do need new index cards, a folder for EDD paperwork, and a bunch of cheap bags... and a bunch of weird deli pickup dishes for meals and a ton of shiritaki noodles... Right???). Then I watched ADHD videos online and started this post...

... Then I actually completed ONE LETTER that wanted me to register for Cal Jobs... and I managed to do it BEFORE THE DEADLINE!!!! Yay me! ... Then I read them ALL!!! AND MADE A LIST! AND THE DEADLINE HASN'T PASSED!!!!!!

Even found the certificate program a friend is taking in Cal Jobs. The EDD might pay for it for him.

And I more or less stayed on track with nutrition.


Most useful video of the day: How to cope when everything is awful and you're not ok


Progress as of today: 62.2 lbs lost so far, only 65.8 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Tuesday May 23, 2017
(Paleo + beans diet and a 3x a week bootcamp)
Weight: 245.8

Holy s**t! I lost .4 lbs. Not a lot but the plateau is broken!!!!!

Need to kick my own butt today and get stuff done.

---- So far I have vacuumed out my car and organized food in the fridge. I still need to finish packing my tent and labeling it up for future trips... I bought a ginormous barn of a tent for 149 at Big 5... if the doors were bigger I could park a car in it! I would never normally buy a tent there but I wanted something that my dad could stand up and walk around in for the earthquake box. It is a decent enough tent but hard to put together and it needs some labels and color coded tape to make it easier to put up. It is also 7'5" tall so the guy lines are super long... I need to put the sparkly tape on it so it can be seen in the dark. Would be better with glow in the dark tape but I don't have any... hmm... not a bad item for the car kit either.

Have been so down the last couple of weeks. Glad to be snapped back to reality.

Progress as of today: 62.2 lbs lost so far, only 65.8 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/24/2017:
What kind of vacuum do you use for your car? I always have crumbs in my car from eating - I vacuum it every so often (i should do it today!) at the gas station with their vacuums. Is this what you do also? Or do you use your personal vacuum?

Welcome back to the Happy side of things....good to see you back. I like your ideas for making your tent visible in the dark! cool stuff. Talk more soon & congrats on your loss. I wish for you to get a lot done today!!

Donkey on 05/24/2017:
Glad to hear the plateau is broken -- that can be so discouraging to feel stuck.

happy-1 on 05/24/2017:
Yeah, I get a little stuck sometimes in a lot of areas all at once, then one thing clicks back into place and the rest follows... then I look back and see that I have lost a week... or this time 2... But that plateau break kicked the rest of my brain back online to move forward.

happy-1 - Wednesday May 17, 2017
(Paleo + beans diet and a 3x a week bootcamp)
Weight: 246.2

Ever get into a huge fight with your family, take off for a friend's house, get a bit tipsy, and then find out there is huge chemistry along the lines of "holy fing **** you're my new heroin dealer, how have I friend-zoned you all these years when we could have been doing THAT and then watched the same stupid shows we both like?" and it's just as good if not better the next day sober?

Yeah. Headed back on Monday night for another round of OMFG!!! Heh heh South Park, pizza, OMFG!!! Snore. OMFG!!!!!!!!! Was that legal? What do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do? Let's ride bikes. Ok.

Weirdly despite everything we ate, I am down to my plateau weight of 246.2 that is my lowest weight achieved in my weight loss effort.


Progress as of today: 61.8 lbs lost so far, only 66.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/18/2017:
Hiya Happy Lady!

I think maybe if you weren’t in a fight with your folks that that guy wouldn’t have been AS GOOD as he was yesterday??? But I gotta say – that first paragraph sounds really, really delicious to me right now…as I would LIKE RIGHT NOW some loving LOL! We are women! God made us this way…to enjoy loving…Oh it’s just as good sober….that is good then! I thought you meant at first you only liked it while under the influence…I am so glad it’s just as good the next day sober ;-)

OMG…stop teasing me with all this loving you are getting while I suffer !!! JAJAJA HAHAHA!!! LOL.

Maybe it was all the “loving” burning all those cals that brought you down to your lowest weight ! LOL. Happy!

happy-1 - Sunday May 14, 2017
(Paleo + beans diet and a 3x a week bootcamp)
Weight: 246.2

Starting over again. Happy mother's day to all the moms!


Anyone here a fitbit-wearer? Or on ActiveOS? 

Progress as of today: 61.8 lbs lost so far, only 66.2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2017:
Some of my coworkers use the fitbit and other folks i know. but i do not bc firstly, i'd never get in the steps. I am just getting into being more active and that's why i don't want a device telling me i should do more, when i'm already at my limit. LOL.

I'll spend the day in NYC with my mom and dad and sister. should be a nice mother's day for us! enjoy your day, Happy!

Glad to see you here.

happy-1 on 05/14/2017:
Back again like a boomerang. I should have waited till September for LVL, a new one that will track your hydration and tell you when you have to drink water or have drunk too much.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2017:
wow that seems really cool....! LVL.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/16/2017:
Lvl is an app?

happy-1 on 05/16/2017:
No it's a new wearable like the Fitbit but it also detects your hydration levels and scans your skin more deeply than the fitbit or apple watch for better accuracy

Donkey on 05/17/2017:
I had a nice Mother's Day - thank you :-)

I swear by my Fitbit. It's the main thing that got me motivated to get more active. Now they have social groups that I belong to: one for strength training, one for maintaining, and one for "getting toned" or something like that. The strength training group is the most inspirational for me. I'm so tempted to join the running group, but I'm not a runner.

happy-1 - Thursday Apr 13, 2017
(Paleo + beans diet and a 3x a week bootcamp)
Weight: 246.2

Took 10 min to make/eat breakfast this morning and was an hour late to work. But it was yum.

- Kale, chicken sausage, potatoes, 2 eggs

- 1 packet of trail mix

Didn't eat all day b/c I took adhd meds too close together

- Kale salad from TJ, with lentils

Later I will have:

- Kale, homemade turkey chili, 1/3 of a sweet potato packet from TJ, a little cheese

- A vanilla protein shake

- Greek yogurt with a little paleo granola.

A couple of people like a product idea I had and want to work on it. I am pretty stoked. It is really validating. I feel like a real authentic product manager now... I am amazed and joyful and I feel powerful.

My class was worth it. 


Progress as of today: 61.8 lbs lost so far, only 66.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/14/2017:
Hopefully nobody noticed your lateness?

Breakfast sounds nice and tasty! Nice addition of the veggie, kale, into it! yum! was it cooked / sauteed kale!? how tasty!

1 packet trail mix = good job, Happy Lady! It's good to have a tasty portion of mix! YUM! I love eating my granola bars, pure nice rush of sugar, in the afternoon after work and before gym or before i run errands after work. Will prob have one today :-D

So explain to me these sweet potato packets from TJ's...i want to hear more as I am intrigued!

oh, so it IS turkey chilli! yum! girl you are doing GREAT!

I am so glad the class you took has benefited your resourcefulness at work! WAy to go! And the rest of it is you - be proud of you. Nice to feel good about your work! Congrats to you!

Donkey on 04/14/2017:
It's nice that you have that kind of job where you can be late and you don't have to hear about it. There would be some serious grumbling if I did that...I should try it sometime, just to see what would happen...

I'm guessing that a sweet potato packet from TJ is frozen sweet potatoes that you can microwave? My mom used those when she was losing weight and she liked them so much that they are a regular staple in her menus now! YUM!

happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 12, 2017
(Paleo + beans diet and a 3x a week bootcamp)
Weight: 246.2

Back from offroading trip to Moab... Going to go back ASAP!

Super tired. Got home last night to discover my poor doggie was sick... all over my bed. I went to bed about 2am. Need a nap.

Also made chilli. 

M1 - Mushrooms, 3 eggs, potatoes, too much olive oil

M2 - 2 packets of trail mix (augh, my pants are tight) 2 cups coffee with half n half

M3 - Chicken kale salad from trader joes, a couple of sips of diet coke


Progress as of today: 61.8 lbs lost so far, only 66.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/13/2017:
Those meals sound very tasty and healthy!

So you really must have enjoyed that trip if you want to go back so soon! nice!

How many people went & did you know them prior to the trip?

I am so sorry the dog is sick and ewwww all over your bed...what a piece of aggrivation...overall, you sound great. Chilli is tasty and satisfying! And healthy!

Was any meat in the chilli? i'd love a turkey chilli! I'll make it sometime!

happy-1 on 04/13/2017:
Yes! it is delish!!! I do buy chopped veggies sometimes to get through it faster...

cumin garlic chilli powder paprika

can of tomato paste 2 cans of tomatoes can of kidney beans

onion 2 red peppers celery

ground meat of your choice


happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 05, 2017
(Paleo + beans diet and a 3x a week bootcamp)
Weight: 246.2

No sleep ='s a missed workout last night and likely one tomorrow. This weekend I am hopefully headed out to go offroading in Moab with friends. 

Brought a can of protein powder and a shaker to work today to help get myself back on track diet wise today. I just couldn't face eating food yesterday and forced stuff down anyway and was miserable all day. The downside of adhd meds... Sometimes you just don't want to eat no matter how hungry your body is.

Made a Seinfeld "Don't break the chain" habit builder for tuesdays and thursdays...  Need to make them for the rest of the week. The idea is you make a chart of the habits you want to build and then color in the boxes green every day that you do them until you have a "chain" and you don't have to think about it anymore.

M1 - McDs. Hashbrown, diet coke, egg white turkey sausage bowl. I need to start remembering to order iced tea instead.


Progress as of today: 61.8 lbs lost so far, only 66.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/05/2017:
I have been reading a book on habits, it's called "The Power of Habit" and it's quite a great read!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/05/2017:
Habits are very hard to break...they are formed in one of the oldest and least studied parts of our brain!

happy-1 on 04/05/2017:
Right? I basically made a checklist of what I habits I want to build for morning, meals, and evening routines so I can check them off. Hopefully I will rewire my brain micrometer by micrometer. How do you build new habits?

Donkey on 04/05/2017:
I find that if I do something for 3 days in a row, it becomes much easier to establish as a habit. IN A ROW is the key thing for me -- it just occurred to me that this is probably why weight training is so hard for me to make a habit -- because I don't do it consecutive days! WOW this is HUGE for me - big ol' light bulb just went on in my head!

happy-1 on 04/06/2017:
Nice!!!!! There are apps for habit building that do "don't break the chain" and some workout apps that do the same... They include weights and just rotate parts of your body. I want an all in one checklist so I'm doing a spreadsheet that includes chores, meals, exercise, water, sleep, etc.

innerpeace on 04/06/2017:
I was always told you must do something consecutively for 21 days straight to form a habit.

happy-1 on 04/06/2017:
LOL. If I could do anything for 21 days straight I could rule the world.

happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 04, 2017
(Paleo + beans diet and a 3x a week bootcamp)
Weight: 246.2

I was trying to read an article on focusing better but I got distracted. :-P

Made pulled pork sliders for the team at work to celebrate the end of my class. 

Got into a huge fight with my dad last night. I was cleaning up the pork roast I made for them at 12:30am because I had forgotten about it and gone to bed then remembered it.  He came in and wanted to know why I thought I was going to get laid off last week... and brought all my stress back up. I was like why would you ask me something like that in the middle of the night???  Why would you bring up all that stress and drama? It's the middle of the night and I need to go back to sleep. He blew up. He was basically mad at me for saying no to a request to drop him off at McDonalds when I had loaded up the car for my camping trip and had to leave right then to make it there before dark. Never mind that we don't want him going places alone. 

So tired.

Progress as of today: 61.8 lbs lost so far, only 66.2 lbs to go!

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