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happy-1 - Tuesday Nov 01, 2016
(Do a menu plan with parents. More protein.)
Weight: 246.8

Stayed at work doing homework till 11, then stayed up late washing dishes and doing the meal prep I didn't get to on sunday from the Great Creamer Freakout of 2016. Was too restless to sleep so I tossed and turned till 3. Was late to work today.

Ex finally got back to me. He seens happy to talk to me and has this idea that we are going to be hooking up if we see each other to talk. Shouldn't he have texted me a happy birthday if he thinks that will happen? I said I'm happy to talk but no hooking up till at least March when the holidays are over. I didn't say "because I know you will ignore me and I will spend the day crying my eyes out". He said "silly you know we don't plan things" and I said let's put it this way... It's about as appeling as traveling in the midwest during hurricane season. I just had a bunch of fun on my birthday with no calls or cards from anyone other than my parents, not looking forward to the rest of the holidays." He's all "well I will have a big hug for you." Could have used that on my birthday! I didn't say that though.  That would have been too mean. I don't want to get back together again but I miss having him to talk to. It was definitely noticed when he didn't call or text on my birthday... not that he did when we were together.

Ugh. Life goal... Get better at sending cards and doing phone calls so other people remember me on mine.


  • B - Jack in the box chicken pita and iced tea. Ran out of time to eat at home.
  • L - meal prep win! 2 green tea lattes from mix, chicken nuggets, bbq sauce. Spinach salad.
  • S - meal prep win! Fruit, chees, fig bar
  • D - meal prep win! 1/2 a sweet potato and a chicken breast
  • S - meal prep win! Apples, grapes, cheese

Progress as of today: 61.2 lbs lost so far, only 66.8 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 11/01/2016:
Aw, sorry things are tough. As far as ex goes - I think it sounds like he will be easier than you think to replace with someone better. Rather than put any more energy in that old relationship why not invest some time in new ones - with female friends and male friends. Keep at it and it will happen. Never look back - look ahead. <3

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/02/2016:
your ex sounds like he's only in it for himself. I can relate and have had certain types of relationships with men where it was totally centered on them and they didn't give to me ever to make me feel good - like i had to force them to make the effort.

You deserve way better and he's abusing you in an emotional way. I know that it's hard to get over as i still hold a little grudge about the 3-YEAR semi relationship i had (ALL TEXTING and meeting up ONLY 1 TIME!) with a man that had no plans to put any time into a relationship with me- and made it known to me! - but i still thought i could just forgive him of all the things he couldn't give me - i deserved better than to use my heart emotions on him...to try to think he would change or give me what i needed when he couldn't give me nearly enough to satisfy me let alone even getting together with me.

there is a better man out there for you. and sometimes it's an opportunity for you to think about truly what your options are - as my option was staring me straight in the face the whole time and it was up to me to decide to OPEN MY EYES AND ALLOW MYSELF HAPPINESS with someone who can potentially be right for me & me right for them. Going on a date with him this Saturday. and this is a big change for me...as i'm used to "overgiving" and getting nothing in return - especially no emotional return. Just s*x in the past was enough for me - hookups and all...but the truth is, everybody deserves happiness and fullfillment - physically, emotionally, and intellectually. and the person you end up with needs to satisfy them all. and if they can't, it's not the right person!

happy-1 - Monday Oct 31, 2016
(Do a menu plan with parents. More protein.)
Weight: 246.8

247.8, but that's ok because I spent yesterday afternoon in Z's jacuzzi and we split a pizza. F anyone who took a photo of a fat middle aged woman in a bikini eating half a jumbo 3 topping pizza with a guy the size of a volkswagon.

I got 0 done I needed to get done, but at least I had some fun and my brain is mostly clear to focus today.

Meal prep yesterday was a bit of a flop due to dad freaking out about creamer in his coffee ruining his breakfast.

School assigned me a new mentor and i can finish out a couple of weeks with someone else and not deal with the guy I was talking to.


B - Meal prep win! protein pancake, chicken sausage, sugar free syrup (bad for me but it was what was in fridge)

L - Meal prep win! Spinach salad with mozzarella, 1 slice of bacon, dressing. Bunch of frzen chicken nuggets

S - Tea with coconut creamer.

D - Quinoa tortilla soup with a chicken breast, 4 corn tortillas and some shredded jack cheese.


Progress as of today: 61.2 lbs lost so far, only 66.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/01/2016:
Well, glad you had a great day! Who is Z? I assume a guy friend?

lol creamer freakout! man...sorry...

congrats on getting a mentor that will hopefully be better than the last one as it seems you weren't too thrilled.

protein pancakes are the bomb! you can make so much and so low calorie if you use egg whites for it...i mix egg whites with protein powder and sometimes also a little bit of oatmeal (like 1/8 cup for a fluffy effect and once i also used cream cheese in the pancake batter!)

...and i have samples too of a great brand of sugar free syrup at home....it's a popular brand and only 10 calories per like 2 tablespoons...picked it up from the Marriott Hotel that i stayed at while on vaca! who knows...in the wintertime i may decide to buy some! for those slow winter mornings when it's cold and i want to cook and lay around eating my own protein pancakes!

that salad sounds GREAT for lunch! really good! nice fats and protein, lower carb & satisfying. good job.

and the tea sounds splendid!

as for dinner, sounds like it hit the spot but sounds a lot on the tortilla end...but not judging you ... just comparing to how i'd feel. it does sound pretty balanced. keep up the great work !

happy-1 on 11/01/2016:
Mmm... cream cheese...

Their diet cookbook had me take a bag of frozen berries, a little cornstarch and one sugar packet and microwave it in a bowl. It turned into a really low sugar pie filling!

Careful with the sugar fee stuff. I 100% believe it will turn out diet coke causes diabetes.

hollybelle on 11/01/2016:
Sounds like you are plugging along. That's a good thing.

happy-1 on 11/01/2016:
One step at a time. One step at a time. Just trying to do meal prep right now, not worrying about calories other than to have a lot of protein. No matter what I pack it is going to be healthier and cheaper than eating out.

happy-1 - Friday Oct 28, 2016
(Do a menu plan with parents. More protein.)
Weight: 246.8

DOWN 0.2 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Definitely a reward from God for sticking my head into a gym yesterday 

Also, went to the dentist and finally got a clean bill of health on my wisdom teeth. Unless I have problems again, I don't have to go back.


B - Giant chicken avocado burrito from Dell Taco, Diet Coke

L - Skipped

Progress as of today: 61.2 lbs lost so far, only 66.8 lbs to go!

trishpiglet3 on 10/29/2016:
*Trumpet fanfare* (nothing to do with the presidential candidate) YAY you re the weight loss and the dentist Look at YOU nearly halfway to your goal, you awesome human!

happy-1 on 10/31/2016:
Hugs!!!! Thank you!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/31/2016:
Lots of good notes in your entry. Congrats on your loss...on the gym (i know that it does take effort to continue with it even when we DO NOT want to go. - as i know from my own experience!), and i'm glad your teeth are ok too :)

how i love my diet coke too...always loved the taste of Taco Bell...now i don't live by one - LUCKILY!

happy-1 on 10/31/2016:
I know. The joy we feel after drinking it is the euphoria of brain cells dying. Packed stevia cream soda for work today

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/31/2016:

happy-1 on 10/31/2016:
Ha. Try this for an hour or two. Not as good as diet coke, but will keep you moving.


happy-1 - Thursday Oct 27, 2016
(Do a menu plan with parents. More protein.)
Weight: 249.3

Fun with 24hourfitness... went to the one by work today. At first it sounded fun... they have beginner fitness classes... you can pay for more challenging classes, and they have yoga. That plus maybe taking my pack onto the stairmaster should be fine to start... Then we went through the membership rates and I was comparing it to the Costco rates... so the manager tried to sell me hard on personal training to lose ALL THAT FAT... Because those beginner classes I will be stuck at my progress level after 3 months... I said well I just want to get moving again... the beginner classes sound fine for that... don't you have the paid upgrade classes for stuff that is more challenging? And they said yeah, but you really need personal training to make progress. I was literally facing off two guys with my back against the wall and got increasingly stressed. I said I have done it before... It is an intense relationship, if anything it makes me not want to go to the gym ... I do not want someone to be monitoring me, measuring me, disappointed if I am not making progress. This sounds like the opposite of fun. I got a bit upset at that point and wanted to leave, but the manager wanted me to take the three day pass with me so I did. Ugh.

At least I found out that I only need the $399 membership from Costco, not the $799

Progress as of today: 58.7 lbs lost so far, only 69.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/28/2016:
PERSONAL TRAINING = MAD $$$$! that's for sure...except this one place i went to a long time ago, called, PTI...Personal Training Institute. It was a small gym where you could only do personal training.

PTI was 30 min, 3x a week, $25 per session so $75 per week. It used to be very affordable when i was around 22-24 and had my first jobs and living at home and i don't even think paying rent. I learned how to lift weights at PTI!

Def don't need personal training for progress. It's all the mindset. and eating less = weight loss.

happy-1 on 10/28/2016:
LOL. Right? And every time I do it when I am on a good trend, it completely derails me.

happy-1 - Wednesday Oct 26, 2016
(Do a menu plan with parents. More protein.)
Weight: 249.3

Woke up at the crack of dawn planning to go check out 24hourfitness... then work from home and go down to see friends in Yorba Linda after work... instead I got to check out my dog puking her guts out, my mom and dad sick as... well my dog. Not feeling too hot now myself. Hope I don't get sick too. Need to get another flu shot this year for sure.

Mom has purchased a crazy amount of food since Thursday... No way can all this get made up and consumed beore it goes bad. She even bought more last night... Too grossed out to deal.


Breakfast - 2 milano cookies. Too grossed out to eat real food.

S1 - Peppermint tea.

L - Chicken teriyaki bowl at Japanese place... Had to get out

S2 - Coffee with half and half and 2 cake pops at Starbucks

D - Polly's pies atrocity for CERT meetup

S3 - 

Progress as of today: 58.7 lbs lost so far, only 69.3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/26/2016:
Yorba Linda...i assume the name of a town...btw, i got your message back regarding my comments & i will read tomorrow & comment...getting a bit bogged down at work at the moment but want to leave comments on the new entries for today!

I hope you feel better....i think i will skip the flu shot this year.

sorry about the overload of food!?

happy-1 on 10/26/2016:
Hugs... wanted to go back and reply to your past comments but it looks like they are sealed off now... will catch up on your logs and comment soon.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/27/2016:
I know what you are going thru. It has always been hard for me to end friendships and relationships, even if they weren't healthy for me. It is very hard to let go...especially from people who make us feel whole even when we deserve better.

Mom's menu picks = good stuff! Good idea to make tortillas with leftover deli meats, also! sounds tasty. everything sounds good. I love a veggie burger too!

happy-1 on 10/27/2016:
Yeah. Had a nice talk with him last night to find out where he learned communication and leadership skills. It boiled down to "Hard Knocks University". It felt good to leave it on a positive note.

Yeah, I don't hate her picks. I can swap out breadcrumbs for almond meal and a few other tweaks.

What are your favorite recipes?

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/27/2016:
Yorba Linda in CA...wow...looked it up...must be beautiful there. Pricey!!!!!!!

innerpeace on 10/27/2016:
Hope your dog is ok.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/27/2016:
Great idea to swap breadcrumbs for almond meal....will tell you some recipes to follow...i'm def NOT much of a cook, but will tell you instead foods / things i love that help me to maintain my weight.

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 25, 2016
(Do a menu plan with parents. More protein.)
Weight: 249.3

Small successes yesterday. Mom picked a few meals they would find acceptable.

Had to uber to work today. Pep boys has my car.

Missing ex like crazy. How do I miss him like hot sauce and he only vaguely misses me?


Protein shake

Ham sandwich and coffee at starbucks

leftover lunch from last week in work fridge. Still good! beef, potatoes, veg.

2 smores poptarts and leftover coffee


I hate the support site project. I wish I had never proposed it. Ugh.

Progress as of today: 58.7 lbs lost so far, only 69.3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2016:
I am sorry you are missing him so much. I know how it feels to always have your memory reminding you of him when it's hard to get him off your mind!

what kind of meals did your mom pick out???

i like leftovers. so convenient they are!

happy-1 on 10/25/2016:
Augh... I just miss everything about him. It's so unfair that I just crave him like a drug but he barely misses me (or doesn't miss me now that I stood him up on Saturday night because I was feeling weird and emotional). My friend Tom says it is PTSD. He just doesn't feel or attach anymore.

Mom's menu picks are:

1. Chicken Breast, Skinlesss-(Boneless if from bag in freezer), Broiled, Grilled, Braised or Steamed (no sauce)— Soft cooked green beans—2/3 cp rice or less—small navel orange 2. Tortellini w/ “meat” sauce— cooked vegetable—fancy salad—fruit/ dairy dessert 3. Salsbury steak w/mushroom gravy (good use leftover burgers)—mashed potatoes—cooked vegetable— salad—fruit/dairy dessert 4. Fajitas, chicken strips (good use leftover deli chicken), lean beef strips, or “Morningstar” substitutes—onions, bell peppers, garlic stir fry (other non starchy veggies ok also)—Yellow corn tortillas—salsa— fruit/dairy dessert 5. Meat loaf—turkey, beef or salmon ok. No tomato sauce, No bacon—cooked veggie—mashed (sweet) potatoes—fruit/dairy dessert 6. Grilled Flank Steak, medium rare—marinade ok—big salad—red potatoes—fruit/dairy dessert 7. PARMESAN BONELESS PORK CHOPS WITH TOASTED ONION POTATO WEDGES always popular

happy-1 - Monday Oct 24, 2016
(Stick to meal plan and no more midnight snacks)
Weight: 249.3

Back down below 250 today... 249.3 Yay!!!  Lowest in months. Maybe I was hanging onto food from stress or something with the wisdom teeth out. Or eating too much soft junk food.  Anyway, that is only 2lbs up from my lowest weight.

God may be rewarding me for cancelling on my ex after I bootycalled him. I might have gotten back down to 247 if I hadn't bootycalled him at all.

I think I see a 24 hour fitness membership in my future so I have something else to do in the middle of the night.


Breafast: 2 softboiled eggs, margerine, 2 pieces of white toast

Lunch: Pasta, fake meat, sauce, cheese, stevia soda

-- Updating for yesterday

Snack: 8 milano cookies, 1 fun size m&ms.  

Dinner: Not really sure. I had some coleslaw with extra cabbage added, a quesedilla with 1 wheat tortilla and cheese, 

Progress as of today: 58.7 lbs lost so far, only 69.3 lbs to go!

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 04, 2016
(Stick to meal plan and no more midnight snacks)
Weight: 250.2

Ok, so here's an example of when I end up eating out... Working from home. It's 2pm. I missed my snack and lunch and am now starving. Nothing in the fridge sounds good and everything I bought in the last couple of days seems gross. If I went out, I dunno what I'd get. Probably Taco Bell, wendys or mcdonalds. Easily $10-14 because I try to buy the healthiest options.

My options are: scrambled eggs, wheat spaghetti with either marinara or fake alfredo, pbj, grilled cheese, soup from a can, chili from a can, yogurt, yogurt protein brownie, frozen pizza.

I feel like having leftover beef stew if I had any. I avoid making that stuff because 1) Kitchen needs deep cleaning weekly. Parents are messy and don't clean up after themselves. 2) If I make anything really good, my parents can't control themselves and eat multiple servings in a single sitting, 3) they are on medical weight loss programs and lost 150lbs together and I don't want to throw my parents off their diets, 4) there is no space in the fridge or freezer for ingredients or resulting meals, 5) it is a lot of planning, work, effort and expense to only get one meal out of it when I need at least 2 containers of leftovers to manage the time out of my week, 6) It starts bickering and discord... I get blamed for making them eat too much, taking up space in the fridge, and guilt over eating what I spent on... 7) there is an ongoing struggle because I carefully buy foods without trans fats or high sodium and certain things organic. Best case is they finish those off and replace them with stuff that is super cheap but awful. Most likely scenario is they finish it off and don't replace it or add it to my grocery list or let me know they ate it or ask for it when I ask if they need anything so I can buy more.

My therapist says that being with my parents is an unhealthy situation and until I move out I won't gain any ground.

Not eating anything anyway. Because... Ow. And out of time for lunch. Good thing I stocked up on protein shakes.

Progress as of today: 57.8 lbs lost so far, only 70.2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/05/2016:
I think it's good you are home now with your folks as you are in pain and it's good to have people nearby? But i could be wrong! Also, when you are feeling better, I hope you do get to have some Beef Stew.

I am happy to hear that you are eating the healthy options at those restaurants - I do this too. If you want to save money, you can buy some bagged salad and chicken pre-cooked from the supermarket and put the chicken in the greens! and voila. Should last 2 meals at least...and if you buy maybe a few bagged salads - even longer. :)

happy-1 - Tuesday Oct 04, 2016
(Stick to meal plan and no more midnight snacks)
Weight: 250.2

Didn't get the job with the agency. They said a lot of nice things, but they want someone with agency experience and client facing skills. The client facing part burns. I have no idea where I would start to reinvent myself as someone with client facing skills. I took a bunch of business and communication classes after I left the consulting company... I don't think they took. There's a polish and a gamesmanship to being client-facing I just don't have and it keeps holding me back.

Day 4 after getting wisdom teeth out. I think I am a little less swollen. Sticking to protein shakes today.  Eating just isn't worth it.

Not sure what I ate the last several days. Probably pudding, grilled cheeses, soup.


Progress as of today: 57.8 lbs lost so far, only 70.2 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/04/2016:
Liquid diet till the swelling goes down maybe?

happy-1 on 10/04/2016:
Yum. Protein shakes!

hollybelle on 10/04/2016:
Sorry you're still in pain. Day by day - it will get better. Are you sure you are healing normally? No dry sockets, no bone fragments, no infection, etc.? 4 days is still pretty "new". Sorry about the job. There is something better for you out there! Just because you don't have the polish and the experience for client-facing, doesn't mean you can't get it, if you want it. Keep going for what you want! Every interview is gained experience.

happy-1 - Saturday Oct 01, 2016
(Stick to meal plan and no more midnight snacks)
Weight: 250.2

Super ow. Missing an off road expo with friends.

B - skipped S- skipped L- pudding cup, cup of noodles. Dad went out and got me pudding. Yay dad! D - felt better. 1/2 a frozen lasagna

Progress as of today: 57.8 lbs lost so far, only 70.2 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/01/2016:
Feel better!

puddles on 10/01/2016:
Take care.

hollybelle on 10/01/2016:
Hope you feel better soon!

trishpiglet3 on 10/02/2016:
Hope you heal soon. Wisdom tooth extraction can be full-on and eating can be a challenge afterwards. Had mine out when I was 17 - you have all my sympathy x

Horn_of_plenty on 10/04/2016:
Sorry you missed a good time with friends...i have had countless misses in my past. So many i have lost count lol...

Glad you are starting to feel better. Those cup noodles are sinfully good.

happy-1 on 10/04/2016:
Thanks for the poke to get me logging again.

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