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happy-1 - Friday Nov 17, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Working too many hours for a contract that isn't going to go anywhere. Feeling really stressed and like personal stuff is just piling up, which it is.

Whooosh! I give this up to God and just have faith in the bigger plan. 

Meanwhile, out of meal preps and no time to go to the grocery store. Trying to order healthy... but pricey.


Doing QA for a change... Finding lots of big issues at a very late stage in the project that will take a lot of time. Frustrating that no matter how good a job I do it won't lead to more work because I am weird.

Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 11/17/2017:
Take your time and take a breath.

Maybe take it hour by hour and expect that everything will just not be planned.

I am sorry you feel this way, i know the feeling all too well.

happy-1 on 11/22/2017:
Hugs. All will be as it should be.

bearcountrygg on 11/17/2017:
Breathe......life goes on regardless, sounds like this job is frustrating to say the least. Maybe they will offer something more when this one is done?

happy-1 on 11/22/2017:
Hugs. I hope so!!!

happy-1 - Wednesday Nov 15, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Hanging at my coworking space to work today. Always a challenge to really be focused and not work on my great meal planning app idea.  I have a spreadsheet of all the meal planning apps out there and I am working my way thorugh the landscape analysis step by step. I also have a sketch file so I can jot down my ideas as they come. The trick is NOT to do this when I am supposed to be working.

Only have meals prepped through today and need to hit Trader Joes tonight, but I think I will be working late again.


BTW hands down my most successful meal prep this week are these DIY ramen cups:


Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 11/15/2017:
your advice is good on the medication, i'll speak to the doctor to get his advice before i do anything or make any changes. :-)

Have fun meal planning when you get up to it :)

happy-1 on 11/15/2017:
Yeah, the betterhelp psychologist is actually more helpful than my shrink. Very grounding and perspective supplying. I do a better job staying consistent and following her recommendations because a) she lives a life similar to the one I want, b) I'm not stressing myself trying to make one more appointment, c) it is mostly written which helps me because I need to see things on paper or in type to process them.

bearcountrygg on 11/15/2017:
Maybe a spreadsheet with hour by hour things to do? When I get frustrated and realize that I am doing things that really don't matter and are basically busy work...and I'm not doing the really important things....I make myself a daily waking hour list....and everything that needs to get done does get done...and then the next day I do the same until I'm caught up...then i allow myself to do the fun things. I can always find busy work...so that i can tell myself I don't have time to do the important things ( which are things I don't want to do). I basically have to mind game with myself sometimes.

happy-1 on 11/15/2017:
Yeah, I mind game myself daily

happy-1 - Tuesday Nov 14, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Having problems with focus. I under the gun at work and need to write a bunch of test cases and all I can think about is camping and the really fabulous meal planning app I want to build. 

Literally costing me money. 

Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/14/2017:
oh oh.....!

horn_of_plenty on 11/15/2017:
Take a breather when this happens...you can do it.

It's ok to think about camping, maybe take 5 minutes every hour at work just to think about it...even 10 minutes per hour. and do your work for the rest of the hour.

happy-1 on 11/15/2017:
Yeah, I installed RescueTime on my machine yesterday. It tracks your time on your computer so you can tell where your time went.

Hugs sweetie. How are you feeling today?

horn_of_plenty on 11/15/2017:
feeling better, realizing i have a job for the time being. want to get off my anxiety meds that i've been taking for 2 years, since 2015.

I want to be off them for future job apps and also for my own sanity. will discuss with dr how to get off slowly or if i can even get off...i'll get his input! :) what do you think? it's anti-anxiety medication only. low dose stuff i believe.

I am feeling better and like i need to learn to live my life without crazy goals...and try to just enjoy life as it is, not make a whole huge goal for myself at this time.

happy-1 on 11/15/2017:
I dunno on getting off medication... but I am on adhd meds which are basically amphetamines. There's a rebound effect some days when they wear off and I start to panic and spiral a little... everything just suddenly seems impossible, like trying to climb a smooth concrete wall... but I'm learning to manage that better with the online therapist. I really was screwing up my life completely trying to be off them. I thought I was doing ok but in retrospect I was anything but. I kind of think about going off medication like it's like going back into the dark.

happy-1 - Monday Nov 13, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Was a troll all weekend, hiding under my bridge. Saturday I was still sore and exhausted from Thursday's workout.  Sunday I was just still anxious and stressed about the future, paychecks, and being a spinster old maid.

Spent the whole weekend at home cleaning, cooking and organizing. Kind of a waste of a weekend considering this is the third one in a row but my car is washed, laundry is done, there's no dishes in the sink, my meals are prepped, my bed is clean, and I've had sleep.

Meal preps for the week were:

  • Breakfast - Superfood brownies
  • 2nd breakfast - Omlette cups with sausage, kale and roasted sweet potatoes (2 cups veggies)
  • Snack - DIY miso veggie ramen cups with shiritaki noodles (2 cups veggies)
  • Lunch - Protein pasta with chicken meatballs, veggies, and kale walnut pesto (a cup of kale to a serving of pesto and frozen normandie vegetables makes 2 cups of veg)
  • Dinner - Beef stew with whipped red potatoes
  • Snack - Apples and 2 cheese wheels (1/3 cup of fruit)

Will hit Trader Joes tonight to pick up some brocolli chicken kale salads and space those out so they can be in the freezer for the week after Thanksgiving. Going to try to find a camping trip for that weekend so I am not at home.

Back up to 240.2. Low day last week was Wednesday at 237.1. I feel like I'm throwing dice at the craps table every time I weigh myself. C'mon baby, momma needs a new pair of shoes!


Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/13/2017:
Boy do I miss Trader Joes up here....there aren't any for 4 hours from here...they are all downstate. I have a jar of pesto...but neve know what to do with it....I need to check out some uses for that...I keep pushing it around the pantry....LOL

happy-1 on 11/13/2017:
Makes a great hot pasta or cold pasta salad, frozen veggie dress-up sauce, omlette topping, etc.

bearcountrygg on 11/13/2017:
Ok...Thanks for the ideas....sounds easy.

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2017:
honestly, it does NOT sound like a waste of a weekend. It sounds relaxing and productive. You just didn't go camping, but you did get a lot done, at home! I think that's great.

happy-1 on 11/13/2017:
Yay! A justification for not going out and having fun and trying to meet some dude.

Donkey on 11/13/2017:
Personally, I think you accomplished a lot. :-)

happy-1 on 11/13/2017:
Really? I feel like I got nothing done... But then today my boss said to me that I can bill all the hours I want this week... So yay! I'm 1 Trader Joe's run away from ready! I can knock that out tonight.

happy-1 - Friday Nov 10, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Met a guy on Tinder today that claims to have modeled for playgirl in 2011. Wants my number so he can send me pics. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Went to  bootcamp last night. There were two birthdays... 39 and 52... so we got to do alternating sets of 39 and 52 pushups. Oh god. Everything hurts and I'm dying.

Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/11/2017:
You need to sign up for kiddie bootcamp, so that you're celebrating birthdays like 8 and 11, LOL! Hope you're not too sore over the weekend. You're doing great!

happy-1 on 11/13/2017:
OMG. That's brilliant. I'll just tell them I was held back 32 years. I hibernated like a troll.

bearcountrygg on 11/11/2017:
I didn't even know playgirl was still around.....I remember when it started...I bought the first one...LOL.......bootcamp sounds tough used some rarely used muscles eh?

happy-1 on 11/13/2017:
Oooooooh did you now? Was it everything you hoped it would be?

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2017:
lots of pushups...i am actually good at them.

happy-1 on 11/13/2017:
I bet! You are probably doing all the fancy plank ones.

happy-1 - Thursday Nov 09, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

You know you are a little too into your camping gear when you are willing to trade a guy on okcupid a dozen superfood brownies to make you a spool for paracord to go on your carabiner. 

And because you just turned 40... it counts as a date.

Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/09/2017:
Sounds like a thing! Hope it works out for you!

horn_of_plenty on 11/09/2017:
Wow what an interesting trade! haha.

Donkey on 11/10/2017:
You crack me up :-)

happy-1 - Wednesday Nov 08, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 237.1

Dropped 3 lbs and broke my plateau!

This is due to the power of meal prep and food logging. Also no soda for several days.

Had to put Noom on hold, I don't have space for the app on my phone and there's no web version.

Progress as of today: 70.9 lbs lost so far, only 57.1 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 11/08/2017:
Impressive! I will have to check out Noom. Have a great day.

happy-1 on 11/08/2017:
Yeah, didn't do Noom for it. I signed up, then downloaded the app and then had to dump it to download tools for work. I need to get my iphone cleaned out. the out of storage message is a bummer.

horn_of_plenty on 11/08/2017:
How amazing! yup, i believe it is due to the power of meal prep and food logging too!

sticking to any goal is possible if you plan for it and act on those plans! Congrats to you!!!!! Well deserved!

happy-1 on 11/08/2017:
TY! Hugs!

bearcountrygg on 11/08/2017:
YEAH for breaking the plateau.....!

happy-1 on 11/08/2017:
Only took 3 mos...

happy-1 - Friday Nov 03, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

 Was super excited to step on the scale this morning and see 240.2 come up. Came here to record my weightloss, but found I am right back exactly at my plateau. Thought I had lost a pound.

Ah well. Back at it. Back to the drawing board.

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 11/03/2017:
I'm glad to see you. I often wonder how you are doing.

happy-1 on 11/03/2017:
Hugs. Got a short term contract at a digital agency helping get a project in before Thanksgiving and it is like drinking from a firehose. Just starting to get a handle on the workload and get back to diet and fitness... not to mention seeing and talking to people!!! Went camping for my birthday and then to a workout last night, so I was all fired up to see if I lost weight.

happy-1 on 11/03/2017:
Just signed up for Noom! The Millenial Diet. Their app design is outstanding so far. Love it.

BearCountryGG on 11/03/2017:
There is no crime in staying the same...that takes some work too.....glad you found work!

happy-1 on 11/06/2017:
Hugs! Will look over your logs tonight.

horn_of_plenty on 11/03/2017:
Welcome back and nothing wrong with starting at the old plateau !

happy-1 on 11/06/2017:
Hugs. Missed u!

Donkey on 11/04/2017:
Congratulations on the employment!!! Don't worry about the scale - you're back on track, back in the game, now... Keep doing what you're doing, and the numbers will follow....

happy-1 on 11/08/2017:
hugs. Thank you!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2017:
i love Donkey's comment.

happy-1 - Tuesday Sep 19, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

Got into a huge fight with my mom this morning. They went shopping yesterday and brought home sourdough bread, mini pizzas, and other bread products. They are also not supposed to eat these... and they don't just eat them, they gorge on them... like a loaf a day. They are supposed to hide them or keep them in their rooms but they don't. I put the frozen pizzas on my mom's bed and asked her to hide them better and offered to make her breakfast, and she flew into a black rage and cursed and said mean foul things. I said I'd like to keep my hands, feet and eyes... if I was an alcoholic you wouldn't keep vodka out. She said I had to purge the house of everything she can't control herself with... so I have to clear out string cheese sticks, protein bars, dark chocolate, etc. And don't make her breakfast. She hates me. Ok. I will do that then. Even if those things are part of my diet program and meal plan prescribed by docs. Ok. Already had breakfast on so I fed her anyway. She sure enjoyed her breakfast of no-added nitrite apple sausage, organic eggs, wilted power greens, and sweet blueberry overnight oats. I know what I am getting her for Christmas. A tshirt that says "I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry."


Augh the stress of not packing my own food is going to show in my pocket book and my waistline... 2,852 calories so far and I'm still hungry. 

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 09/19/2017:
sorry they bought all the trash and it's surrouding you easy to find! i also do not buy things that i'll gorge on! no thank you! sorry...make sur ethere's healthy things. sorry your power greens were wilted!

happy-1 on 09/19/2017:
No no I wilted them on purpose! I buy a giant bad of baby greens (kale, chard, spinach) and stick 2 cups in the microwave at a time with maybe a tablespoon of water. It makes them softer to eat without added calories or loss of vitamins and actually more satisfying

horn_of_plenty on 09/19/2017:
oh, very interesting!

happy-1 on 09/19/2017:
Also good when you mix with hummus

bearcountrygg on 09/19/2017:
Are you your parents caretaker? I took care of my Dad for several weeks before his death because my Mom couldn't do things for him like flush his catheter and then after his death, then I was her caretaker for over 7 years and she was a diabetic...who ate chocolate...I know the battle...

happy-1 on 09/19/2017:
I am and I'm not. My therapist says I need to move out or I will lose my whole life to taking care of them... but it is more that they don't feel the need to clean or take care of themselves and I can't watch it without trying to help. I actually could just go... I just don't have a destination. Mostly looking for a job up in LA so I can move to be on the train line in Riverside.

bearcountrygg on 09/20/2017:
Well Happy...I can tell you 100%...I agree with your therapist. If they don't feel like cleaning or taking care of themselves then that is their right....I have to say that My husband and I lived apart for the 7 years I took care of my Mother with only visits with each other every 2 weeks. My Mother wasn't ok mentally...and I'm an only child who promised my Dad that I would take care of her when he was dying. My Mother refused to live with us...so I had to take are of her at her house She was a force to reckon with...( as in...the inmate was running the asylum)....but by the time I started taking care of them we had already raised our family and we were retired so the whole process was do able. You are still young and you have so much living to do yet. I hope you can find something that helps you start living for you soon...How old are your parents...Mine were already in their 80's when I was taking care of them.

horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2017:
good idea yes to mix the greens in hummus - i'd like that one!

Donkey on 09/23/2017:

happy-1 - Monday Sep 18, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 240.2

4:20am and I can't sleep a wink. And even if I eat I am hungry again. I am just going to stay up today and try to hack it because I need to reset my body clock now. Ugh. Should have taken a sleep aid... thought I would be able to sleep on my own because I was so tired... but no luck.

And I am dying for toast.

About 45 days through the 60 day challenge. I am doing my best every day. Some days I have more in me than others.

UDG and I are remotely doing gym buddy today... the plan is to go to our respective gyms and workout at 12 pm in solidarity.

I tore apart my parents kitchen... pulled out everything in the lower cabinets. There was no room to put dishes. Discovered the reason was that there were hundreds of aluminum pie plates from decades of frozen pies. Recycling! I will probably get myself disowned but all the cookware is in the dining room and nobody can sit down. Hope I can pull it back together by Thursday. I leave for the river on Friday!


10:20am - paradox that is adhd... I got up at 6, made breakfast and took my adhd meds but no coffee and the amphetamines knocked me out like a prize fighter down for the count. Oi.

Progress as of today: 67.8 lbs lost so far, only 60.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/18/2017:
You know..once my parents had both passed away and I had to empty out their house ...I found a stash of those too...along with 12 big bins of newspaper and magazine and recipe clippings...all cut out....do you know how long that must have taken my mom to clip those? I can't even imagine...she had warned me that she was leaving me a mess...she tried to go through them and toss them..but she just couldn't make herself do it....she was 89 and some of them were so old they must have been from 80 years before. I also found 40 pairs of various types of scissors...I guess we all have our vices and hang ups...that was one of hers....after she passed away almost 3 years ago...I went through them one by one...it took me many days....I found a couple of treasures...1 clipping that was 84 years old..and was about how her brother had been run over by the horse drawn sycle bar at their grandparents farm when he swatted a fly on the horse...and the bar had cut off both of his feet which were left hanging by both achiles tendons...(amazingly they reattached both feet and he lived to the age of 94 ( he died 2 months after my Mother)...I was happy to have rescued that clipping and return it to his children who had no idea why their father was handicapped. My mom had a pile of those same aluminum pie plates...used strictly to catch the scratch off lottery ticket silver stuff...so it didn't land on the carpet...LOL

horn_of_plenty on 09/18/2017:
Hi Happy! It's totally normal to feel like you are smooth sailing some days and then others feeling like you need all the help in the world just to get outta bed or get outta the house. Totally normal. Keep doing your BEST!

I struggle sometimes with sleep too.

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