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hollybelle - Friday Sep 29, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Well - 2 weeks into my new life. Yesterday was OK. I find myself feeling a little stressed - not at all about food strangely enough. As I wrote that last line something occurs to me. I have spent a lot of time in my life being stressed about food or my weight - even if it wasn't overt it was there always in the back of my mind a ghost haunting me distracting me from.....whatever else I needed to focus on probably??? Well, now that food isn't so much of an issue (at least for the last two weeks) because I have made a real choice to eat healthy period I am not pre-occupied by what I am eating, what I going to eat and what I ate the last time, cooking food, shopping for food, I have time to think of other things. Like what I am doing with my life and what I want to do with the rest of my life and it's kind of scary. There are several things going on in our house that are uncertain and while I am handling them pretty well overall, I now have time to expand my thoughts about it all and I think I am a little confused. I guess I will just have to figure it out, won't I? I'm 52 years old - is this a mid-life crisis? Ha-ha! Seriously - Don't mean to be cryptic. Sounds like I will probably be writing more about this stuff later.

Well, now all that said - I overslept this a.m. and didn't go my walk with my neighbor at 5:30. She didn't show yesterday - will try to do this afternoon. It's going to be COLD for this time of year today high about 58 - Rain tomorrow and Sunday :(. Will need to try to walk in between the raindrops. Coworker should come and lift weights today. I can tell that my clothes are looser fitting. Still haven't weighed.

Menus for yesterday were:

B: Carb Control Yougurt Coffee

S: 1/2 WW Pita with Hummus

L: 1 C Ham and Bean Soup - Homade from Deli 1/2 Arby's Southwest Chick Wrap (YUM again) S: 15 Chips with Salsa - from the Restaurant D: Bowl of Reece's Ceral Special K Bar - I didn't feel like cooking - Mark picked up a salad for himself and I think I was craving sugar!

S: Root Beer Pop 2 RF Vanilla Wafers with t Peanut Butter 6 oz Skim Milk

From Dinner on it was strange eating, but calories were probably OK for the day (maybe??). And well, I guess I was due a wierd food day.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 09/29/2006:
I understand EXACTLY what you are saying..and I promise..it is NORMAL. Those of us who have used food as a way to deal with things going on in our lives, have to finally deal with those things without the haze that overeating puts on our minds. It IS scary! Kind of like when a person quits smoking and now they have to find something else to do with their hands, on their breaks, in the car, on the phone....we never realize how addicted we were to food or how we used it as a shield, until we don't do that anymore and things come up in our lives that we have to find a new way of dealing with them. As far as not knowing what to do with the rest of your life...because you are in the process of reshaping your outside, it is perfectly normal that you will start looking at what to reshape on the inside and tweak your direction in life. There is nothing wrong with that! You are not learning to be a 'new' you...you are learning who YOU are, the you that you haven't seen in a while =)

Moody on 09/29/2006:
I want to thank you so much for the comment you left me yesterday; it helps to know that others understand and know what I am going thru.

Sounds like you are going thru a bit of self discovery and that can be both exciting and confusing! You are doing such a great job making positive changes--a true inspiration!

geevee on 09/29/2006:
Thanks for your comment yesterday. I know what you mean about the little changes. That I started doing the minute I had the determination to at last lose the unwanted weight. They really do add up and make a big difference. I think I've gotten it down to an art form! LOL Now, a sandwich means only one slice of bread. No top. same with bagels or English muffins. Only a half.Mayo= FF. Same w/cottage cheese, yogurt & sour cream. The food scale has a permanent place on the counter next to the fridge. No fried foods. No fast foods.No chips of any kind or candy bars. The dark chocolate I have stockpiled, so to speak, was given to me on Mother's Day and my birthday, so I keep it frozen and occasionally indulge. That's the only reason I have it because I never buy it though I do love it! Dessert was never a problem because I never ate it before. I learned to enjoy vegetable with lime rather than the 100cal. worth of butter that I used to use. I also buy the lo-fat and non-fat types of cheese. That pretty much sums up permanent changes that I've made. I'm always open to new suggestions, so if you have any, I'm all ears. I haven't though of any other corners to cut.

geevee on 09/29/2006:
Well, perhaps the most important change I made was to go on the Sugar Busters' Diet that my rheumatologist suggested when he called to tell me that he didn't like the high level of flucose I had and that he was afraid that I was developing Type 2 diabetes. I was crushed! But I bought the book that very day at Border's. I didn't know there was a $7.95 paperback version and spent $25+ for the hardbound version. Didn't matter. The important point was that I immediately changed my lifestyle and followed the Sugar Busters' Diet to a tee!

The diet was designed by several doctors, one of whom loves his red wine like I do and insisted that it could be part of the diet! (Love it!) Basically, you eat only low glycemic foods. That means cutting out ALL corn products, beer (I used to live on it! LOL)and almost anything that's white (rice, potatoes, bread). In came whole grain products: cereals, breads, tortillas,, bagels, etc.) Like I said, dessert wasn't a problem for me so it was really very easy.

At the end of a month on the diet, my glucose was down to 95! It's stayed there and after about 2 years, there's no sign of Type 2 diabetes.

I've said all along, that starting this diet and joining DD's at the same time was a matter of health, and not vanity, though of course I want to look better, but that is not my motivation. The whole thing is health. That means that there is absolutely no chance at all that I'd be subject to an eating disorder. My recent treats of chocolate and nuts is the result of deprivation (delibrate). The main point is, that even though I've missed my daily goal, the cause has been eating extremely nutritious foods and not junk. I'm aiming for including nuts on a daily basis and have a huge stockpile waiting for me. All the recent good news about the anti-oxidents in chocolate don't make me feel guilty at all about indulging in the dark chocolate I received from my son.

Do look into this diet. It's worked so well for me and is so easy to be on.

hollybelle - Thursday Sep 28, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Day 13 is over and gone and I don't have any regrets - about my eating at least - ha-ha. Actually I don't have any regrets about yesterday period! How often do we get to say that? I think I'm going to try to be able to say that more often! I did things a little differently yesterday for various reasons. For example I ate OUT at lunch and dinner - quite by accident, but it showed me that I could still stay within my parameters if I THINK about it. I didn't really PLAN per se, but just thought about what I was ordering/doing at the time. Fast food places have added a lot of healthier stuff than the last time I was trying to watch my habits....or course this time it is not a temporary thing....i am thinking about these new habits for LIFE. Typically I don't eat Fast Food often at all. Anyway, I had to pick up my coworker at his garage as a favor at lunch and couldn't really eat in the office after that. Then my husband had a work event that took us out to eat at a nice seafood resturant and a comedy club. I did well. I don't drink (hardly at all) so cocktails aren't a temptation for me. Although there were folks there who should have been tempted to STOP drinking - ha! I actually enjoyed the comic - clean humor - and it was a nice evening. There were about 30 people there - most of whom I used to work with. I got to "catch up" on all the company gossip (is that bad?- I really enjoyed it). The menu for the day were:

B: 2 Waffles with Brummel & Brown spread and Grape Jelly Coffee

S: 1/2 WW Pita with String Cheese L: 1/2 Arby's Southwest chicken wrap - delicious - I'll have the other 1/2 today - YUM

S: 1 C Grapes and 15 Chips with Salsa - home-made from one of my favorite Mexican Resturants (stopped to pick up Rachel's dinner)

D: 1 Fried Calimari Ring 3 Lg Slices of Fried Zuchinni with Parmesan Cheese Grilled Salmon - was very good, but could only eat about 1/2 of it - don't know why?? About 10 Asparagus! Delicious - no sauce or butter - good!

S: Root Beer Float Pop and 6 Reduced fat Vanilla Wafers

Looking back on the list of food I ate yesterday, I think I see why I did OK at the challenging times like lunch and dinner. I ate sufficiently all day long and wasn't over-hungry at any time and PAID ATTENTION to my hunger. Am I hungry? What would be good for me to have and taste good? How much can I eat until I'm satisfied? Does it fit in with my low sugar/low fat goals? By golly, I think I am eating to fuel my body not to satisfy some strange emotional need, boredom or entertainment. That is what food is for, isn't it? But I do believe one should enjoy what one eats - but that is more of a fringe benefit than a core purpose. However, I don't think I will be successful unless I do enjoy my food when I eat. I think that is part of the being satisfied requirement for success.....

Well, once again I have kind of rambled on. I am so surprised by how much it helps to come to this site. Thank you all for your wonderful posts. That is probably part of my success so far, too. I hope to have more encouragement to give others eventually. This site is like my little secret. My husband came to say goodbye yesterday a.m. while I was on the site (on his way to out the door to work) and asked me what in the world I was doing...I just said "something for me". He had a puzzeled look, but didn't say anything. It helps me NOT to really talk about my goals, new lifestyle whatever you call it with anyone. To (as Nike ads say) JUST DO IT ---ha!

P.S. I haven't been posting much about exercise, but I have been doing it. Weights for 30 minutes 3 times a week and walking - 30-45 minutes (sometimes more) almost every day. I actually love to exercise. Taught Aerobics for 14 years. Have a Blessed Day - Everyone!

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Moody on 09/28/2006:
Ramble away! You have alot of good insight even as you are learning about yourself. It certainly gave me something to think about.

Your food choices were great! Good for you! Also, great job on working out; I'm glad it's something you enjoy!! That sure helps doesn't it?! Keep it up; I think you are onto something!!

ima2hefty on 09/28/2006:
I am glad you are finding encouragement! The exercise sounds great too! You are doing great, its nice to hear you made such good choices while eating out. :)

hollybelle - Wednesday Sep 27, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Day 12 - almost 2 weeks! I am learning to feed myself! Sounds so funny, but that is how I am beginning to think of it. Not a diet, not a diet, not a diet. I keep repeating that at times. Learning to feed myself, learning to feed myself, etc. I can kind of see the value of the proper "mantra" in life. Engaged in a little bit of "diet/food/weight/negative" conversation with coworkers yesterday. After that I think I am just going to walk away when that starts in a group, or gracefully bow out of a conversation if one on one. I don't like all that talk that women do. It's so funny - the men come back from lunch actually bragging about how much they ate or ragging on each other for how much the other ate and they just laugh and laugh. Women would be horrified! So different in the approach in our society - I have heard that "Fat is a Feminist Issue" (this is a book) and I don't know about that but fat is sure a sexist issue in our society! After school Rachel wanted donuts from the Magee's Bakery - our favorite - the best.....She had two. I had..........NONE. I didn't think I could go in there and not get at least one. I had a conversation with myself on the way there about whether or not I would have a donut. My deciding factor was that I really wasn't hungry. I ate a fairly large lunch and this was about 4:00 and I really didn't want to get over-full or sugared out - especially if I didn't feel particularly hungry. Wierd. That's usually not how I think. I choose food emotionally most of the time. Maybe being off the sugar for a few days has made me have different feelings and reactions??? Probably, maybe?? Anyway - menu was: B: Apple Coffee

L: WW Pita with Tuna Salad Broccoli/Califlower Salad S: Root Beer Float Frozen Pop (these are great. They have 50 calories - very low sugar and 0 fat) I find them in our area at Kroger Grocery stores

D: Sm portion (1 C) of spagetti with marinara 10 Grapes 8 Corn Chips with 2 T low fat sour cream & Rotel sauce - was just feeling munchie

S: Apple Parfait

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Moody on 09/27/2006:
You are doing SO great!!! I love your mantra and am going to use it myself; I think that "self talk" is so important. Great food choices; you're doing awesome! Keep it up!

Oh, and you are right about how men and women view the whole eating thing differently. I never thought of it really, until your example of how the guys come back from lunch talking about how much they eat; women would NEVER do that; especially in front of a bunch of guys!!! Interesting!

WorkingIt on 09/27/2006:
Thank you so much for your wonderful entries on my diary! I love the jockey example, so very true =)

You are doing wonderful! YAY YOU!!! You are getting deeper with your entries, which shows how far you have come in all areas! I think you are fantastic!

As far as my 19-inches lost between those three areas...all I can say is it took a great deal of exercise LOL. Cardio-Cardio-Cardio!!!! (and don't forget the strength training!)

sweetpea1977 on 09/27/2006:
Wow, you are incredible! I cant believe you've been doing new lifestyle for only 12 days - your whole mindset has changed so quickly! You rock!!

I definitely agree with you about this not being a diet. It is a way of life! In order to stay healthy, we must practice these good habits for rest of our lives.

Keep up the most excellent work!!


PS. Thanks for talking about the differences between men and women when it comes to amount of food eaten. I see and hear about that all the time, but this is the first time I really thought about it like that!

geevee on 09/27/2006:
I remember in high school, my boyfriend (future husband) and I would go to this fantastic bakery EVERY single day and buy either a cream puff, Napoleon or eclair. In winter, the routine was a Blizzard at Dailry Queen. I don't know why, but in cold weather which we used to have but no longer, I love to eat ice cream, sodas, shakes, etc. Ahhh, the beauty of youth! To be able to indulge like your daughter does with no ill effects.

My kids used to beg for fresh bagels from a great bakery a few blocks away. We never knew which kind we'd have. It all depended on what had just come out of the oven.

Well, you know your limits which is more than most people do. Eating a donut at 4 in the afternoon would set me off on a rampage and ruin my day. Good for you in resisting.

ima2hefty on 09/27/2006:
You did great with the donut! WOot WoOt for you lol. *claps* You are doing great. Keep it up ;)

hollybelle - Tuesday Sep 26, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

YEA!! Day 11. There is just something about being past Day 10. Yesterday (Day 11) was OK. I got a little munchie in the late afternoon - before dinner but I think it was because I didn't eat lunch early enough and didn't enough lunch. I ate something before Mark came home and kept on eating until I didn't want dinner. I like to try to eat with him. Rachel eats earlier or later depending on her dance schedule. I didn't do bad at all. Still eating hardly any sugar. Am starting to feel really good. I wonder about the calorie totals, but I don't dare count them up-not even in my head. I am afraid I will start obsessing about it and that would defeat my purpose. I haven't weighed either but I can tell I have lost weight because my clothes are very loose! I will try not to get too excited, because I want this all to be more or less "matter of fact" just my new way of life. I got kind of sad earlier when I was reading a new entry from a new member on this site. She was saying that she wanted to lose weight (from 130 to 115) because (and I quote) "I finally want to be happy with my weight and myself". That really ran a hugh bell for me. I used to mesh the two things in my head - meaning my self-esteem or how I felt about who I was meshed with the number on the scale for me. It totally determined how I felt about myself on any given day. The lower the better. To the extent that I judged others by their size, too. If they were smaller than me I felt inferior to them if they were bigger - I felt superior. So sad. That kind of thinking is what drove me to ruin my health for a period of time in effort to be he "Skinniest" I was 24-25 years old, 5' 4" tall and bought my jeans in the size 6-16 pre-teen girls section of the dept store. I won't post my lowest weight as that may trigger someone else on this site. I don't know if the person who posted those comments is headed toward the same destination as I was back then, but I hope the comments were more off the cuff and not as heart-felt as they seemed to me. It takes some of us (most of us??) awhile to "get it" about this "weight thing". Unfortunately 10-25%(depending on what study you read and how it was compiled)of those of us with eating disorders (meaning anorexia or bulemia or combination of those types of EDs) die before we figure it out! I pray for healthy thinking for us all. WHEW...didn't mean to get so morbid! Sorry!! Menus for yesterday were:

B: Apple Coffee L: WW Pita with Tuna Salad (Not tired of it yet!) Special K Bar - Peanut butter with choc drizzle YUM all for 90 cals D: Broccoli & Calif Salad - lots of this Fruit Parfait S: Special K Bar - what a crunch!

Walked 40 minutes this a.m. I am getting very attached to this site. Thanks for all your comments. It helps to write feelings/thoughts.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

hollybelle - Monday Sep 25, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Day 10 was fine. Menus were:

B: Oatmeal with Br Splenda Coffee L: Leftover Lean Cusine Chick Alfredo 1/4 C Blackberries D: 3 Cocktail BBQ Meatballs 2 T Bean Dip with 6 Chips 2/3 C Broccoli/Califlower Salad - If anyone wants the recipe - it's low fat and sugar free and I think great SF/FF Chocolate Pudding with SF Cool Whip We went to our friend's house for 14 YO daughter's Birthday dinner. Kind of junk food with the meatballs and the Bean Dip - but certainly didn't overdo it and I enjoyed it all. Still no sugar! Ha-ha. I didn't think I could do it. I am so addicted to sugar! I am starting to feel SO GOOD! I can't believe it. I started walking in the a.m. with my neighbor and it's so nice to have a partner. My goal now that I am on better track with food is to increase exercise. It will be hard when it "that time of the month", which is coming up any day, but I will do the best I can. I intended to weigh at my friend's house last night, but forgot. I think will wait another week and do it then.

I am concerned that I may have to have surgery - just when I'm getting on the right track. Have been having female issues for some years and just hoping would go away. Went to Dr. (Internal Medicine) last week for through check up and after describing symptoms referred for ultrasound which found out today indicated fibroid tumors and enlarged uterus. Referred to GYN doctor and will know more later. Never thought I'd have surgery, but health in that area has gotten to be "challenging".

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 09/25/2006:
I never used to like exercising during TOM but as time has gone on, I find that it has helped the cramping in a very good way. The only time I don't exercise is on the second day which is the heaviest day. I just refuse LOL. Good luck with the female issues, I'm glad you have the ability to take care of those problems! **HUG**

ima2hefty on 09/25/2006:
wow, good luck with your surgery. You are doing great with your exercising, walking in the a.m., and having a partner. keep up the good work! :)

hollybelle - Monday Sep 25, 2006

Weight: 0.0

hollybelle - Sunday Sep 24, 2006

Weight: 170.0

Day 9....almost 10 days of healthy eating. I feel a little more energetic most of the time. Almost 1/3 of the way to 30 days of healthy eating. I can't wait until I can say 30 days of healthy eating! Yesterday we ate out with Rachel's boyfriend's parents - they were going to Homecoming Dance at school, but it was cancelled because of flooding. We had planned to eat out with the parents so the kids just joined us. The kids chose and Italian Rest. I was afraid I would overeat, but I didn't. I found that I really didn't want to. Rather than try to choose something from the menu that was low cal/low fat, etc. I just didn't worry about the content of the food. I ordered what I wanted but just ate a small amount of it. This was my biggest fat/calorie day for the whole 9 day period, but I didn't overeat and I don't feel "deprived" today. Also I was craving a "treat" and stopped by Wendy's for a Small Frosty which my daughter and I split. I walked/ran an extra 1/2 hour this morning, too. That probably didn't compensate for the extra calroies and fat, but it will all even out if I just stay on the healthy eating. I plan for today to be a new "normal" day of healthy eating.

My menu for the day was: Breakfast: Oatmeal with Br Sugar Splenda Snack: 1/2 Sm Frosty Lunch: 3 stuffed Olives Lean Cusine Chicken Alfredo (low cal/low fat and surprisingly good Dinner: Fried Banana Peppers 10 tiny rings Lasagne 1/3 of the order One roll with butter Snack: Cinnamon Teddy Grahams (100 cal Pack)

Tonight we are going to a friends house for daughter's 14th birthday. She is having food and told me they are having a Triffle instead of cake. I am taking a broccoli/califlower salad and a FF/SF parfait in case I think what they have is too much. Thanks for your comments. Good luck to us all. Holly

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 09/24/2006:
Congrats on day number nine!!!

hollybelle - Saturday Sep 23, 2006

Weight: 170.0

Day 8 was OK. Work was nice a busy and my co-worker and I came to my house -right down the street- to do our weightlifting. We did much better than the fist time (this is only our 2nd time to do this). She is about 20 years younger than me and the tinest little thing. About 5'2" and 110. She says she takes after her Dad and has never had a to think about her weight. She has 3 boys. She just wants to stay in shape as she used to work for PT practice and work out every day with their machines. She seems genuinely happy to come with me and I am really happy to have the ompany. We lift on MWF and have been talking about getting another step bench and doing step for 30 minutes on T & TH. That would be good. Anyway yesterday's menu was: B: (Oh my gosh - I think I forgot to eat it!!) Coffee L: WW Pita with Tuna and Carb Control Yougurt S: Broccoli & Califlower Salad from Natural Foods Coop (big helping - I need this recipe) D: Oatmeal and glass of 1% Milk S: WW Pita with Hummus

That's really not much food. Maybe my stomach is shrinking??? I really don't remember being hungry. Mark was out of town and I really didn't have to think about fixing dinner. The a.m. was so busy I didn't realize I skipped breakfast. Although that's not good as a rule I guess I did'nt miss it. Thank you all for your comments, again. Good Luck to us all. Holly

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

geevee on 09/23/2006:
I love those days when I'm not hungry and I never even think about food. They don't come often enough! What you did eat was excellent.

sehrwunderbar on 11/06/2006:
Working out with friends is great!

hollybelle - Friday Sep 22, 2006

Weight: 170.0

Day 7 was OK, but I really aate alot late afternoon and evening. My 15 year old daughter spoke in 7th & 8th Grade Health Classes at her old Middle School yesterday on - guess what - eating disorders. I'm so pround of her. Anyway...I had to pick her up about 12:30 and take her to her school and intended to get a bite to eat on the way....but things got off schedule and I had an appointment for an ultrasound (checking out my female "plumbing" to see if candidate for hysterectomy - fun, fun!) and I wound up not getting anything to eat until almost 3:30 and that's not good. I think that's why I overate a bit. I managed to eat healthy stuff for the most part, though. It will all work out - I now know I shouldn't wait so long between meals. Important to keep the blood sugar more even throughout the day, etc. Menu for the day was: B: Two WW Frozen Waffles with just a bit of "lite" syrup Coffee L: Vegetable Soup - homemade (yum!) 3 Saltine Crackers D: WW Pita with Hummus Marinated Garlic, onions, olives 2 Kings Hiawaian Bread Rolls with Yogurt Butter 3 slices of Lean Roast Beef S: 2 very small Fat Free Brownie (made by my daughter) I guess that wan't SO bad but I felt a little out of control because it wasn't as planned as the other days. I plan to make some more Banana Bread this weekend. That's healthy and makes me feel that I am having a treat. Onward and upward. I am through my first week. I will think about weighing at the end of one more week. I may just let me clothes be he gage. Thanks to everyone who posts on my entries. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

feeleebubs on 09/22/2006:
I can certainly understand how you may have felt a bit out of control...but all foods you listed were good foods! My idea of an out of control night would be : 4 slices of cheese, 3 chocolate chip cookies, a hand full of mini reese peanut butter cups, and 2 big bowls of cereal lol

WorkingIt on 09/22/2006:
mmmmmMMMMMmmmmmm banana bread is very tasty! I always throw a granola bar in my purse in case I get stuck somewhere with nothing to keep my blood-sugar on an even keel. It sure isn't pretty when it drops is it?

Congrats to your daughter for being brave and speaking about eating disorders.

hollybelle - Thursday Sep 21, 2006

Weight: 170.0

Day 6 was OK. Mark (my husband) and I were invited to our neightbor's house for dinner. They are a young couple with 3 kids and his mother was visiting from New York state. I think they wanted someone more her age to keep her company and we hadn't seen them in awhile. I was so touched that they fixed us dinner for us. I didn't mention that I was eating healthy or talk about the food in anyway except to say it was delicious and how much we appreciated their invitation. I just ate what fit in with healthy eating and left it at that. Fortunately they are pretty health-conscience themselves. They had baked/herbed chicken, potatoes mashed with chicken broth, steamed broccoli, rolls and homemade choc chip cookies. I didn't each much potatoes, had no rolls and only 1/2 of one cookie (they were smallish). I had her cookies before and they are really exceptional so this was a BIG victory over sugar for me! I did fix some sugar free/fat free choc pudding at home with skim milk as a conosolation snack. Other Menus for the day yesterday: B : Banana Bread - it's all gone now L : WW Pita with Tuna Salad Fruit Parfait S : Cup of Skim Milk I caught myself beginning to think about how much weight I maybe had - or (mostly) had NOT lost this week and "that voice" in my head began telling me I wouldn't be successful unless I totally starved myself and then my "other voice" saying - but I'm for sure NOT going to do that so why don't I just go on and EAT ANYHTING/EVERYTHING I want?????. If this sounds crazy to anyone - I'm sorry. It just goes to show that no matter how long it has been since having an ED it still surfaces! Fortunately I was able to tell BOTH voices to SHUT UP and KNOW that I am eating for health - period. My body will "take care of itself" if I do that.

I found myself feeling slimmer the first 2-3 days because of losing water, I'm sure and wanting more of that feeling and it's not there. I have to remind myself that it's NOT about the WEIGHT - it's about HEALTH and leave it at that.

It does really help to put it down on the screen in writing and not just keep on wrestling with it in my head. THANKS to everyone who has posted on my entries - it DOES encourage me. I hope soon I will be able to have something to give to you all. Righ now I don't feel like I would say the right things or be as encouraging as I want to be, although I do read alot of your entries to get to know my "fellow travellers" on this trip!

I live in Lexington, KY and it's starting to be a beautiful Fall season here. Good weather for walking. I hope to be able to walk more in the coming days. Schedule has been weird last few days - but I love to exercise. Best wishes to everyone. Will check in again tomorrow! :) Holly

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

rachel_rainbow on 09/21/2006:
That's such a good idea that you made some pudding when you got home rather than eating more cookies. I'm going to shelve that away in my brain for future refrence. Congrats on wrestling off the cookie monster!

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