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horn_of_plenty - Thursday Mar 19, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

around 2200. felt like crap all day. bad mood.

while at the gym, exercising, a coworker that also teaches at the gym very enthusiastically said hi to me while I was grueling thru the workout despite ample caffeine. I was and am exhausted. She ruined my workout somehow. She never ever works late and has way more vaca than me, especially this year bc she was hired halfway thru and was allowed to still take her 3 weeks and 5 sick days. I am not jealous but while working out, escaping life, I don't enjoying seeing my coworker at the gym - AT ALL. she was off today, in fact.

anyways, that's now the point. I was then exercising around 10-15 minutes later after seeing her and all of a sudden I started thinking about how in fact tired I was.  and yes, I was thinking I was tired the entire workout, though still enjoying it.  but, I couldn't do as heavy sets and many times I just chose the lighter weight option than the heavier ones for all exercises. it wasn't like I was taking it easy, but my body is SHOT. I have acne on my face and back. I look bad. and feel much, much worse. 

so i'm reading thru this...and skipped my point in the previous paragraph - I started thinking just how tired I was, my eyes actually started to tear, I got very upset, and was crying, full out, as I did an ab exercise. I was crying so much that I started to cry out loud and had to walk out of the gym into the bathroom. I BROKE DOWN at the gym. bc what I really needed was sleep. but after the crying, I finished my workout. it is what it is. if you have a habit of working out, excuses can't get in the way.

I don't think the people at my company are pleasant. many of them stuck up pieces of a$ $. I am serious. Unfriendly bosses who ignore you as they walk by. it's just a VERY unpleasant atmosphere. filled with many unpleasant people. and now I am one of them. I hate several of them. for their lack of caring about anyone except themselves. not everyone is like that, but the ones that are, do NOT get my respect. one woman I actually IGNORE. she was rude and ignored me at the beginning when I would say hello to her. so now, when I see her, I look beyond her, right past her. I do NOT like doing this to people, but I will not respect you if you continuously disrespect me.

my work abuses people. and I've been abused. I shouldn't have to be and feel this tired and out of my element. it is not fair to always work OT when everyone around me leaves on time except for one.  people don't understand how it feels to be me, but I sure do.  most importantly it is that my work is affecting my health negatively. this is where I draw the line. when my health is affected poorly, I really can't argue anything good about working OT. I need a mental break from the job.  it's too much. and yes, I have a few vaca days in sight as April begins the new year of vaca days. but like I always rant on here, I get 10 days for the year. I cannot just swing them all at once. that would be stupid. especially in the winter as it seems (I've looked at my past records that I keep) that I like to have a few spare vaca / sick days come those wicked months of January / February when it's freezing and horrible weather and then we have a storm and I just want to stay home.  It seems based on my records that I took more days in the winter....you know...it helps me maybe not get sick or feel better to relax a little at home in the winter 2-3 days not in a row off from work around that time.

I have to go to some kind of dinner event next week. sort of work-related. I don't want to go bc I am feeling unwell (not in a sense of being sick) and out of my element. my face is full of acne and I just don't feel good. I don't want to have to present myself.  The owner of my company usually goes to it, with his fiancé. He doesn't understand stress with working too much. It was never his problem. I don't want to be there. Right now, I am mad at the world. My world. Bc it's sorta f-ed up right now. My mistakes are piling up on me.  and I wouldn't say money is a problem necessarily, but it sure is very tight.  I will not be going on any vacations in probably the next 2 years or so, maybe more.  I would rather use my money for local things when I can.  I will be dipping into savings - not really now - but when i'm in the academy. hopefully my car will last me another 2-3 years. if not, I will use savings to replace that too. after this time, I will have relatively no savings, but I will have money in retirement plans. this is my life. it's what I've made of it. then after 5.5 years in the academy. I will, for the first time in my life, around the age of 39.5-40yrs old, be making enough money to live well. and money will NEVER  be a problem for me again.  At 40 is when money won't be an issue, at all. I'll be making over $90K a year.

but right now, especially tonight and this week, the OT, lack of sleep because I cannot relax bc I am not home to relax, causing some insomnia as you mentioned, has made me feel pretty darn bad.

I'd say my workout tonight was the worst one I've ever had in my life.


I guess you can say it can only get better from here? maybe. I still have over one year left at my job.  That's a LONG time. and my sister's marriage - which now I am saving vaca days because of. but maybe I don't have to - since it's in April :) and April is a new year....so you know, I don't really have to save too many days.  maybe i'll just save around 5 sick days total for wintertime....and then use my 10 vacation days spread throughout this year now....YES. I just figured it out. :)  Good plan i'd say.  In June, I'll be using a couple days for a concert. Same thing in August. In the summer, I'll use some days at the beach.  In the fall i'll use a couple days also for activites. and then I will save like I said, a few days for winter. it should work out just fine, actually. I'm feeling better now that I thought about it.

And after my sister's wedding, i'm quitting my job soon after. Academy starts in July.  I will not work even in June. and I will probably quit sometime in MAY.  I have around a year left.  I may take a vacation but will definitely enjoy life a bit, despite not much funds, before the academy. July 2016.

calories around 2200.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/20/2015:
Well...there you go...you don't have long left to be feeling unappreciated for all your efforts and long, hard labor! And also, you are still VERY YOUNG...so you have a lot to be joyful about! And you have a lot of vacation days that you can take frequent breaks from your stressful work environment and get some rest or travel or whatever. Btw, WE LOVE YOU here at DD. :-D

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2015:
LOL thank you :) but I don't have a lotta vaca days - just 10 per year! But I do like to break them up - so I can take a break when I want it! :D Thank you for the love, I love all of the DDer's too. It feels good to have an outlet here where I can speak my mind. And actually get advice and support on things I may not always be able to share with everyone else, except for a very small handful of people, if that! thanks for your support :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2015:
and yes, you are right, most of my vaca days are taken for me to rest / catch up / do whatever I need to do!

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Mar 18, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Hi... 2am: cheese puffs. 150 cal. Then back to bed luckily.

1350 till end of workday at office....

600 cal dinner - indulged on chips mostly. also lots of cauliflower, small bites of chicken and a kombucha!

1950, decent.

around 3 months till summer....this is how Jackie thinks, let you ladies into my head:

3 months = approx. 12 weeks = if I could lose like .25lb per week... = 3 lbs.

= around 124 lbs come summer!!!! that would be cool...and then....if I could lose just a couple more...I could be in the low 120's....it could happen. just saying.

for now, I can't really curb my appetite much more. but I am steadily doing some cardio most days. which is a GREAT improvement :)

I think I still weigh more around 128 now.  I would really prefer to be 115-120. (but 115 is a bit of a stretch at this point...so...120.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

SkinInTheGame on 03/18/2015:
Hah! I think I was dreaming of cheese puffs!!

Umpqua on 03/18/2015:
Bummer on the insomnia, that will definitely mess with your eating. I hope you can get a good night of sleep tonight!

museumgirl on 03/18/2015:
Insomnia is the worst! Wrecks havoc on everything. Hope you have a better day and sleep tonight!

puddles on 03/18/2015:
I hate waking up hungry. Hope you get a better night of sleep tonight.

thinnside40 on 03/18/2015:
RYC: Cabbage ~ I bought a couple small heads. I love it stir-fried or to make homemade egg rolls. Coleslaw in the summer always.... It so easy to fix and in a hurry...

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2015:
sounds very tasty...especially the stir-fried cabbage. I enjoy that very much, too! and coleslaw in the summer is the best, but only the "healthier" types without the mayo! there is a place by me that specializes in healthy slaw salads!!! they have like 6 varieties everyday :)

thinkpositive on 03/18/2015:
Good to know that cheese puffs can get you back to sleep. Worth the 150 calories!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2015:
yes, it was worth the 150 calories :)

thinnside40 on 03/18/2015:
I'm a number ocd person... I get it :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/19/2015:
YES! you do GET ME! I am # OCD also...as you can tell from my calorie counting.

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Mar 17, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

4 hrs sleep, getting home late last night made it so i couldn't relax enough to be able to sleep thru the night. But I did read and search the web lol. The book was great tho - a romance novel - almost done and one of the best ones yet. Almost could never happening real life, this storyline is so sweet!!! 3am: chips 300 and some lemon water this am to hopefully force digestion bc I have been sorta constipated bc I have been rushing around sorry tmi.

so far, 1900 cal. may end it here.

walked around 40 min at lunch and weights were the full gamut. I did have a little bit of an energy drink, not the full thing, and did have a good workout. good end to a lousy day. I was nervous the entire day that I would be feeling horrible at the gym because I was so tired. I should know better, and learn to enjoy the gym and not think about being tired when I am there. today I stopped thinking about being tired after around the first 3rd of my workout. after that, I was having a lot of fun and actually did much more pushups than usual.


Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

puddles on 03/17/2015:
Have a great day. Don't worry about posts we all get too busy.

SkinInTheGame on 03/17/2015:
Love a good book! Take care of yourself! You deserve it!

horn_of_plenty - Monday Mar 16, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Yeah, I am the biiiiatch of the DD's! I must start leaving comments soon, I know!

Around a 40 min walk at lunch bc I ate fast. Was great!

Calories around 1450 :) perfecto. Home late but def not too late. Ran errands after work and got home like 7:50pm. Tonight was actually perfect. Despite working till 6:30, I did everything I would have wanted to do after work. A nice night. However, tomorrow I must go to the gym and not work late again.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 03/16/2015:
Good Day!

grannyannie on 03/17/2015:
Have a great day!

SkinInTheGame on 03/17/2015:
Hah! Too funny! Have a good one!

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Mar 15, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

8am Breakfast was 400, then had some chips, so total 550.

10am now I remember, then as a snack a protein bar 200.

1pm Lunch: sliced strawberries with stevia 100, veggies 50?, chicken drumstick with the skin around 250 here. so 400 and unfortunately still hungry.

1150...maybe some more chips. yes, a little over 2 servings. 250 cals.

total: 1400, good. (wanted a low-cal day, but lunch and everything was healthy and that's all that matters when I am feeling so darn hungry).



Wanted low cal but ended up being higher cal oops.

2200, 45 min walk. Bed early...

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

puddles on 03/15/2015:
Have a great day.

SkinInTheGame on 03/15/2015:
Hello Plenty - happy Sunday!

Umpqua on 03/16/2015:
Did you mention beach days a few entries back? Yeah, I'm trying to visualize the beach and warm weather to stay motivated and on track - it helps. Sounds like you had a nice weekend!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2015:
Yeah...I cannot wait for the beach! :)

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Mar 14, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Got a good amount of sleep. I think I went to bed around 9pm. Then work around midnight till 1am and I took a sleeping pill during that time and slept until around 7. Pretty good hours and more than during the week. So that's a success. Breakfast: 1/2 banana and also some canned pumpkin 100, oat bran 120, yogurt 110, peanut butter 200, all topped with stevia. Around 550 total. Good! And kombucha. So more like 580.

1350 total around 2:30pm...prob time to do laundry :) debating the gym tonight instead of sunday morning...slow Saturday, enjoying the slower pace!

5pm Snacking on chips and kombucha around 200.


2050 cal and full weights, back, abs workout :)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

biscottibody59 on 03/14/2015:
Sounds like things are going well with the leg recovery--saw your comment. I can't tell you much about artif sweetener use because I just don't use them. I got a very weird reaction to aspartame some years ago just from one drink with it. Some of the effects lasted about 2 weeks.

Enjoy your afternoon/evening!

Maria7 on 03/14/2015:
Good on getting the laundry done...I did the family laundry day before yesterday, so I'm glad that is done. I am also enjoying a relaxing Saturday..take care. :-)

horn_of_plenty - Friday Mar 13, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

2250 cal, half hour walk.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty - Thursday Mar 12, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

around 2250 cals. more carbs purposely. feeling better with more carbs as of late.

exercise: half hour walk, 2 hours (with breaks) upper body weights routine, back, abs.

legs felt a little bad during the day, but then I actually full out forgot about any pain at the gym....and are pretty good now. this is good news.  it means it's a mental battle that I am winning at.  Looking forward to a wonderful summer. Beach days. and time off as well.

It's been a good week. I can attribute it to less overtime. Far less OT and much more sleep.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

puddles on 03/13/2015:
Sounds good have a great weekend.

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Mar 11, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

650 thru morning. Late 2pm lunch sorta nice actually just for today.

big dinner at home of extra white sticky rice (around 1.5 cups) and about 3-4 cups of sautéed veggies. no meat, purposely. very, very full but it should also help me fall asleep bc of the carbs.

around 2200. is ok.

exercise: 1/2 hour walk outside.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 03/11/2015:
Good day.....

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/12/2015:
thanks Thinn for always being a cheerleader here on DD!

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Mar 10, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Today I let the stress overcome me.  I didn't work well at all at work.  Felt horrible since the point in the morning when my boss asked me to take a short 30 min lunch instead of one hour. So i ate for 15 min and walked for 15 min. and still people may not like that i went outside....well "F" them! I don't need to be punished more in my desk job! SORRY fellas, but i'm done with this crap!  I have a life too...and emotions...and a body that needs mental and physical stability. Maybe all these people that work short hours everyday should try my schedule. LOSERS. for people who look at me and say i don't do enough, maybe they should step in my shoes and do MY LONG HOURS - that I've done in the past. 12 and 13 hours days. Things they have never done at a desk job - same seat, all day. I really don't give a hoot what people think, they are not in my shoes, at my desk, at my job.

It bothers my legs just thinking about it.

With emotions high and unyielding, my legs were also in pain today.  I believe they are one of the same. It's very scary indeed. I feel tomorrow should be a much better day.

I just don't have any patience anymore for long days, everyday. I want normal days sometimes. I just can't take it - my patience will not last.

Calories thru nighttime: 1850, great.

exercise: 15 min walk at lunch, weights routine in a record short time. feels good to get it done fast during the week and i think on weekends, too.  I think it's better for me to bang them out more, then i have more free time to be with friends? or do all the other things that are important.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

puddles on 03/11/2015:
Good luck.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/12/2015:
Thanks Puddy :)

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