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horn_of_plenty - Friday Apr 22, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

calories before dinner: 1100.

calories after dinner/today: up to 1900...i doubt i ate more than that.

exercise: one hour weights.

during the night i woke up with a slight appetite, i decided to enjoy some dark chocolate covered edamame that i bought from Trader Joe's...so good...

2350 calories, i think, at the max today.

i'm beginning to feel much, much better. thankful.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Apr 20, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

breakfast 300.

snack 200

snack 150

lunch 400

snack: 200

dinner: 250.

total: 1500.

mood: miserable.

exercise: 10 min cardio, 1.5 hours weights.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

KathyBlue on 04/21/2011:
ahh, get better, girl :(

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Apr 20, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

my part time job wants me to come for a 9PM meeting tonight. they called yesterday to "remind me." talk about exhaustion...i've been exhausted. I don't wanna go....it's too late for a meeting....and a half hour away!  I guess i'll be going to bed late again tonight.

eating: it's been hell since Saturday.  Last night I ate reasonably at dinner at least, not too much of anything.

today: survive. basically, i've just been trying to survive each day and nothing more. I don't feel good thinking this way at all. I"m sorry to complain but i'm going through some tough things mentally right now. I'm still besides myself. I'm screaming on the inside. My skin is just horrible, it proves how i feel on the inside, overwhelmed.

Rescue Me.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 04/20/2011:
HOP, I am so sorry you are struggling with things right now. I find that when I feel like that it's often because I want control outside of what I should expect to have control over. When you can, get by yourself, take a deep breath and "have a meeting" with yourself. Tell yourelf what is bothering you and then give yourself advice like you would give a friend and then take your own good advice. Sounds kind of crazy, but it may help. It's important to take yourself out of the cycle and become objective to the things that are "eating" you. This too shall pass, dear one. God bless you today.

h82bfat on 04/20/2011:
HOP - I don't know what your breakout is all about, but DON'T LET IT DEFINE YOU! I have a skin condition on my face. I can keep it under control most of the time, but some times - look out (it can get so bad my lips even swell up). I've found that the more I stress about it (or anything for that matter), the worse it gets. Stress can "show itself" in SOOOO many ways - it's amazing!! Find something that you know will calm you, that you enjoy, that makes you feel peacefull - for me it's walking or reading - & give yourself an hour each day to do it. You are worth some ME time, so give it to yourself. You may be surprised just much of a difference it can make. Hang in there, it too shall pass....

~Moody~ on 04/20/2011:
I'm sorry that you're so overwhelmed right now~You sound beyond stressed..I hope that you find some peace very soon~

And I think having a meeting at 9:00pm is crazy~Ugh..

Hang in there~as hard as it is sometimes...just hang in there

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Apr 19, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

i'm sorry to complain. i'm upset, frustrated, and completely besides myself. not doing well.

....just trying to get through this week. It's Tuesday. We have company tonight. My chin is totally broken out. I feel so disgusting in general.

I have currently lost control of everything in my life.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

loveray on 04/19/2011:
what's going on HOP? frustrated regarding weight loss stuff or life-stuff? i have been breaking out as well lately - i think its PMS:) but also stress and not eating as many fresh foods as i can. i hope you feel better today and enjoy your company tonight which i assume is for Passover:) xo

V on 04/19/2011:
I am sorry that you are not having a good day :( I hope that you can get a firm grip on whatever is troubling you :)

getmebackto150 on 04/19/2011:
so sorry to hear you are not feeling in control... I am thinking of you and I totally know how frustrating that out of control feeling can be!

Umpqua on 04/19/2011:
Sorry you're having a rough time of it, I hope you get things sorted out soon so you can feel better.

horn_of_plenty - Monday Apr 18, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

breakfast: i made eggs, toast, and drank some milk: 500.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

KathyBlue on 04/18/2011:
have a nice week there, girlie!

hollybelle on 04/18/2011:
Well, I hope you got this weekend behind you and you can plan some relaxation this next weekend?? Have a good one, HOP!

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Apr 17, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/17/2011:
big binges on saturday and sunday. not a weekend to be proud of. very full. happy monday?

moogy on 04/17/2011:
I hope that you have got it out of your system now and will have a great week HOP:)

hollybelle on 04/17/2011:
Breathe deep and have a good week this week.

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Apr 16, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

I have been up since 3am cleaning and trying to get in order. I've been a mess for like a month, my room, my bills...everything's clean now. still need to clean the annoying bathroom  before Sunday night hits.

I am majorly aggrivated because of this last minute change of plans that i have no control over. and i would never not help out my best friend.  I would feel VERY, VERY guilty.....I don't mind helping me, but I HATE being asked last minute. I was waiting for this weekend, to catch up and RELAX SUNDAY since Monday!!! yeah, i was so glad to make it through this week, after working a damn 14 days straight with not a day off in sight....and now i will not have near as a relaxing weekend because i will be shopping MUCH, MUCH more on Sunday. I dont like shopping....so, if you're interested to know what can possibly aggrivate me so much, read on, you'll see..

Today my plan was to:

- wake up late (like 8:30am)

- stop but a gym to take a look at membership rates and the facilities

- get a massage

- GO SHOPPING for at least a couple hours

- have dinner with grandma (she has an early 4:30 dinner and i was gonna go early, like be there around 3:30 and stay till 5:30 or 6) i haven't seen her for two straight weekends and i usually go weekly...this is important and i can only fit it in because my best friend is going on vacation and because i have Sunday off from work, which is almost never.

- go out to dinner with a good friend

- bed not too late

 - Sunday was only to go to a dermatologist appt, shop,  and exercise a little, and read...i am not teaching lessons these next two weeks bc the studio is undergoing renovations.Let me reiterate, I wanted to ONLY RELAX Sunday with a small amount of shopping, dermatologist, and gym (that's still a lot of things to do if the plan is only to relax!). I've been waiting for this weekend to finally arrive, to RELAX sunday - with some necessary shopping and the GYM, but the point was to relax as much as i could possibly and humanly do on Sunday. I  have not had a day to do this in over a month. i needed it. i deserve it. and i can't.  and i really wanted to catch up on my plans....BUT....

My Best friend all of a sudden, as ofLAST NIGHT, is nervous to leave her car at the airport.  (she had the ticket and plans to go on vacation for TWO MONTHS)  so, as of LAST NIGHT, I will need to drive her ( a different friend than the one i was going to have dinner with tonight) and now my weekend plans are definitely not as simple. I can't do any shopping now because the stores are out of the way. and...since i do want to do some shopping bc i HAVE to get a spring jacket, work shoes, work pants, ...it's not that i want to, it's that i NEED to get these things...i've been working at this job for two months wearing basically the same thing every week and my clothes are slightly too casual...i must get these items!...see?

anyways, i have to cancel dinner with my other good friend, because i need to go to the store later...or just relax....because i'll seriously running around all day.

I USUALLY have been WORKING FRIDAY nights and Sundays. This weekend was my only weekend to ****ing relax. I'm annoyed, but didn't tell all of this to  my friend. But really, I'm ****ing pissed off. I made plans...she gets nervous before new things..she's going on vacation alone, i don't want her to be any extra nervous than she has to be, so i will drive her.

but man, i'm ****ing pissed. i'm so darn pissed. damn it. there goes my ****ing weekend that i PLANNED would be a certain way and now everything's ****ing changed. **** it .  just **** it.

I need my rest, need my sleep, this week is busy with the Passover holiday (i will still be going to work), we'll have company over at night, this is ****ing too much. i NEEDED this darn weekend. and now i don't have it. and it's NOT MY FAULT. ****, man.

breakfast: coconut water 60, yogurts 240, oatmeal with coconut milk 150: 450....awesome. coconut water i had earlier.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 04/16/2011:
Major bummer :( Can't she take a car service or a shuttle? I know what a PITA it is to drive to the NYC airports. What about the train? I thought it connects directly to the monorail at JFK now. I know, it's easier for her to have you chauffeur her to the terminal door. Well, I hope you get your shopping in!

hollybelle on 04/16/2011:
Yikes. Major painful feeling. I hope your friend is as good a friend to you - very NICE of you to rearrange things for her. I know what you mean about shopping, though. I do not like it at all. I have gotten to the point where I have to have some shoes. None of my shoes "go" with certain things and I have clothes I can't wear bc I don't have appropriate shoes! Try to enjoy what you have to do as much as you can. You are already committed now. Best wishes to you that it will turn out better than you think!

horn_of_plenty - Friday Apr 15, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

as of late, i've had a little bout with insomnia...waking up at midnight or 2am and just not falling right back to sleep!  it's 2am this time...time for a shower...i didn't take one before bed and i woke up just now feeling quite itchy....TMI!?

calories yesterday were good.

approximately 2050-2100.

exercise: 2 hours of weights :-) 

NO Cardio except a walk to and from my car, around 20 min of cardio all day.

allergy season, go away.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 04/15/2011:
What happend to the nursing home resident? Hope you get some sleep soon. Hey, I don't know what I want to be when I grown up, either. I just do what I'm doing to kill time. What? How long have I been at it? Ah........37 years! LOL! Life is what happens when we are making plans, apparently. People always say follow your passion. That's a good plan. I can't say insurance has been my passion, but I'm good at it and it's been a living all this time. It could be worse. You'll find your way. God bless.

KathyBlue on 04/15/2011:
ahh poor girl w/ allergies :( Good one on the exercise and stuff! :)

KathyBlue on 04/15/2011:
ahhh btw, check my entry today, I posted a workout schedule you may like :) and then I want to read your opinion abt it!

greengirl on 04/15/2011:
there's nothing worse than sleep disturbances to throw out your routines !! Good going with the weights :-)

horn_of_plenty - Friday Apr 15, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

as of late, i've had a little bout with insomnia...waking up at midnight or 2am and just not falling right back to sleep!  it's 2am this time...time for a shower...i didn't take one before bed and i woke up just now feeling quite itchy....TMI!?  (actually, it's my scalp and upper neck at itch.)

calories yesterday were good.

approximately 2050-2100.

exercise: 2 hours of weights :-) 

NO Cardio except a walk to and from my car, around 20 min of cardio all day.

allergy season, go away.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Apr 12, 2011
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 130.0

my weight is back up to 135, currently.


middle of the night edit: couldn't sleep for hours on end. finally gave in, bc i was hungry, had two blueberry greek yogurts (250 cal) and a small ice cream pop (100)

350 extra cal.

total tuesday cals: 2200, still OK.


it's bedtime for pizza pie face....damn breakouts.

i'm guessing around 1850 good calories today. nice amount of veggies, carbs, fats. happy about it.

can't sleep, so i'm up. mom woke me up. there's a nursing home resident on the loose and she can lose her job over the situation. she's on the phone with work. and now i can't sleep as i'm all disrupted. i'm not angry about it, but i do wish i were sleeping. we're also having thunderstorms here. could be why i'm not sleeping, too. not afraid of thunder, i'm just totally not in a sleeping mood right now...

life is good that i'm working, have a job and all. but otherwise, i'm always anxious and nervous about my life at the moment.  i have a lot of worries about my future and career and how i will support myself in the longrun. And it's not all figured out right now. I know I'll be ok in the long run...well i hope this....but right now i'm not feeling OK at all.

This is the season to look for teaching jobs, but it's also the time I just got a new job 2 months ago about, and they just put me in a new area last week. I'm trying to be interested in this new field they put me in, to train in and learn, but it's hard. It does involve taken at least a course or maybe a few courses.

for some of you who don't know, I'm 28 and I haven't gone a full year in my life without attending some sort of school, either full or part time.  even while working, i was attending grad school full time. I HATE school and studying...mostly because i can't seem to escape it.

I  mean, learning is fun, but if i have to STUDY and be graded on what i learn, and use my free time outside of work to sit on my ass to be in school, it's plain old not what i want, you know? when i'm done with work for the day, I'd like to be D-O-N-E....not sitting in a classroom or studying or doing more work. when does it end? and when does life begin?

so you see? i'm thankful for an opportunity to learn new skills and a new job, but it's so tough when i don't know if the teaching thing is going to work out...and when i'm being told i can become trained in the next 6 months and be good to go.  It's the same 6 months i'll be looking for a teaching job. but these 6 months i'm supposed to be very eager to learn the new trade. I can't tell anyone at work, bc they would see i don't care and be confused why they offered me this deal in the first place. I'm stuck and alone and it's not an easy position for me to be in right now.

i find myself sickeningly hungry all morning at work.  i always feel better after lunch, in the afternoon. weird thing is, i DO have breakfast. I do have a snack. but my body is just so damn hungry in the morning. even when i eat too much. i've been told that it's because of stress and not that i'm hungry. who knows!

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

loveray on 04/13/2011:
i had trouble sleeping last night as well. im sorry to hear you are anxious about your situation - it's hard not to be when you dont know what the next steps are. when i start feeling like that, i remind myself that no one really knows the next steps even if they have a stable job, lots of $, kids, etc. life is very fragile and trying to live each day to the fullest and moment by moment is the only thing i have found to be true. i hope you have some more peace about things today. xo

moogy on 04/13/2011:
Not enjoying life at the moment then HOP! You know you will turn this around when you change attitudes. I know you life isn't what you want it to be but it is your life and staying miserable is wasting opportunities to find the good things that are out there waiting for you even while you are not living the life you want!!:)

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